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here

[ In a dream office, seated on his desk watching an unfamiliar face lingering near the doorway–

Across a dinner table, taking notes and teaching him to breathe–

On the edges of the woods, a bird perched on his shoulder–

In a dream once more, shielded from destruction by bones and unshakeable resolve–

Side by side on the floor of his office, a meal from another reality spread out before them and an attempt made to cross a bridge he couldn't yet let form–

Leaning back against the couch, the last true smile he ever saw on his friend's face–

Facing one another like a standoff, begging to be set free–

Sat on the castle couch, sobbing in his arms–

Posing together for a camera, after an admission he never thought he'd begin to make–

Pacing around the office, hard truths honestly stated–

In a circle of lantern light, souls bared–

Sprawled out in the grass, maybe you're just me from another reality, maybe I'm you–

Napping together beneath the tree, just the first time of many–

At the training grounds, power shared and a plan devised–

With a younger version of him who desperately needed a friend, again and again and again and again and again–

Rushing into battle, heart on fire to save a life–

In the rubble, catharsis shared–

In the labyrinth, powerful and destructive–

Under a cover of darkness, planning for a future once they returned to the past–

Eren is there.

Has always been there.

Has not been there in more than two weeks.

I love you too much and I just can't help but wonder where else I might have met you before and you're one of the most important people there is and I took you to The Paths to say goodbye and you're all I've got and there's nothing anyone could do to make me stop trusting you and I don't need you to save the world and

when we go, we'll go together. ]

I just can't accept that you're really gone.

Edited 2024-10-01 02:08 (UTC)

[ The message goes through. ]

Wait

what???

[ See you in the reunion log, buddy. ♥ ]

Edited (on god i can't edit) 2024-10-01 02:09 (UTC)

[He blinked at sixteen, and found himself everywhere.

Nowhere.

[In a titan's mouth, but it was cut open.

[In some office somewhere, he was talking to his brother, or maybe his best friend; one uses a bow, and one wears a bow. That kid seems too young for his age; Eren cared for him.

[He recalls a wedding, but not like he expected; recalls his father, and how he devoured him. There was a man he hated more than anything, longed for more than anything. Stories of a would-be god, who was trapped for thousands of years; they follow Eren around.

[A cliffside under the stars, and rubble; training grounds, and a farm. A tree.

[A vow.

A wish.

[He knows exactly where to go.]

[First, he goes to the cottages. That's where they lived. They slept in a heap on the floor until they could get a bed big enough for three. Countless memories echo off of the brick walls, but as he places his hand on the doorknob, a few key ones jump out.

[Mikasa left. He and Jean moved to a farm. They still sleep in that bed.

[He moves to Horizons. There are less memories here. It's a beautiful place, though he thought it had been destroyed. Not so, or not yet, apparently. He comes to the front door.

[He will see Jean again. It feels impossible. Maybe it is. Maybe he's gone. Has it been four years, or less? More? He hasn't even bothered with getting his footing. Before anything, this...

[He steps through the door, wanders in, searching until...]

Jean.

[ He slices his finger open when he hears his voice.

It's been just over two weeks. Before Eren even disappeared, Jean grappled with accepting that he would not be able to change Eren's fate. He accepted the inevitably with Eren's own surety that he could not change it.

Eren promised he would remember Jean, no matter what. Maruki promised Eren had not left of his own will. Jean held both in his heart after he disappeared. He grieved his loss, again, but promised he would live his life without regret here in Somnius.

He's cutting onions, planning to cook a large batch of them for Thermo.

He hears Eren.

Not the Eren that left. His Eren, void of inflection, promising to bring ruin upon the world. The Eren he resolved to kill, with Mikasa, for Mikasa. The Eren that he later understood they were ending the suffering of.

Jean turns, one hand bleeding, the other holding a knife. His eyes widen in shock seeing Eren, familiar and yet unfamiliar after nearly a year here.

He drops the knife.

He moves forward, not sure what he's going to do when he gets there, but by the time he crosses the (unfathomable, yawning) distance between them, he curls one hand into a fist and punches Eren(D:1).

It doesn't even tickle him. That only makes Jean angrier, and he grabs the sides of Eren's jacket, yanking on them. ]

You asshole!

Edited 2024-10-01 09:33 (UTC)

[Eren probably owes it to Jean to at least pretend that the punch hurts, but he doesn't. It barely makes him turn his head, and then Jean is pulling him closer.

[He wants to be closer. Even like this, he wants to crawl inside of Jean Kirstein's skin and live there. They can't get close enough. They never could.

[Eren grips the side of Jean - his husband's - head, looking him in the eye. He won't force him into a kiss if he's still growling, but he wants his attention.

[And he wants to look at him. He knows these eyes, the way they only look here, in Somnius.]

Jean...

You left us.

[ He is still growling, feral, angry - all the anger he's held at bay for nearly a year. It leaked out, stained him and Eren from time to time - but it wasn't his to direct at sixteen year old Eren. He hadn't lived it, no matter what he claimed the Labyrinth showed him.

Now, there is no reason to hold it back. This is the Eren that broke Mikasa's heart. This is the Eren that he promised he'd watch after her for. The goodbye he didn't remember until after the deed was done.

He's angry. Hurting.

He hates that he's back. Hates that he's pulled into his orbit again, when he thought he was gone.

Eren is his everything.

Eren is inescapable, and inevitable.

Eren's hands are on his face, forcing him to look at him. There are tears in Jean's eyes, but whether they're relief, anger, or grief he's not even sure. He tugs harder on Eren's shirt, instead, and surges forward to kiss him.

He's not shorter than Jean anymore - not by much. He's not as small. Jean still tries to push at him like he is, like he can force him back against a wall as well as when they were sixteen and twenty.

(Eren was always humoring him. Jean has never been stronger than him.) ]

[Eren still humors him. He humors him because Jean has every right to do whatever he'd like with him. This is Hell, and Eren is here to face the consequences.

[But he didn't come here to fight. He came here because the smell of Somnius brought two people to mind before anyone else. Mikasa isn't here. Their story is over. Jean is...

[Eren kisses back, allows himself to be pushed into the nearest wall. He won't let this dissolve into a meaningless fuck, though. He grips Jean tight, one hand on the back of his head, the other around his shoulders. He pulls back and looks at him again, short of breath.]

I did. I know. [He doesn't believe they're talking about Somnius.

[Jean should punch him harder.]

I hate you.

[ He whispers it with Eren cupping the back of his head. He lets go of Eren's jacket to curl his hands around Eren's throat. There's no pressure, no threat, other than Jean's own blood smearing a bright red pattern across the front.

He says it the same way he says I love you, because they're one and the same. ]

Edited (my bals) 2024-10-01 10:02 (UTC)

[Eren spent a long time waiting to hear that. Jean could never admit it before, though Eren always knew that it was true.

[He hates being lied to. Hates knowing that he was being lied to, and accepting it anyway.

[It hurts, because of course it does. Eren never wanted any of them to hate him.

[Jean's hands are wrapped around Eren's throat. He recalls a conversation in which Jean promised to kill him if worse came to worst.

[On his own? It was never a real threat. It isn't now either. Eren wouldn't lie down and take it anymore.]

I know you do.

It doesn't change anything. [Their vow, their love, the end of the world, the grief of the past two weeks.]

I still love you. There's no use lying about it.

[ Jean's voice cracks when he speaks. ]

Of course I still love you, you prick.

[ They go hand in hand. What a complexity Eren brings out in Jean. He tightens his hands around Eren's throat, squeezing once. Then he loosens them, shifting to cup the back of Eren's neck - the way he knows Reiner liked. ]

We promised.

[ His bracelet is still tight and snug against his skin. Jean swallows a little. ]

Did it break?

Edited 2024-10-01 10:21 (UTC)

[A grip to the throat, followed by a protective hand. He wonders how much Jean actually wished he would die when he was still young. Perhaps Eren isn't entitled to bitterness in a situation like this, but it comes anyway. What good is a promise to a liar? Eren's broken them before.

[It's a cold feeling; not empty, but cold, like being locked outside. Fingers find their way through the hair at the back of Jean's head. Eren has been staring for a long time.]

I'm looking for it. [The wristband would be with his belongings.]

I came here first, Jean.

If you can't find it, I'll get another one.

[ Jean hasn't brought himself to look through what of Eren's remained here. He verified that the pendant wasn't anywhere and left it at that. The hands in his hair make his eyes fall closed.

Trusting. As much as he shouldn't.

He came looking for Jean first. ]

You remember everything, but you've been through the Rumbling, too?

[Eren's voice is quiet.] That's right. I lived my life through to the end.

[In that way...

[Eren lays their foreheads together. He closes his eyes too.]

I just saw you.

Jean. Tie it to my wrist again. [Don't go.] You are my husband. I haven't forgotten.

[ Softly: ]

I'm sorry you don't get to rest. But you don't have to do anything more you don't want to here.

[ Jean will handle Thermopolium - he's already done so, with Maruki's help, for the last two weeks. Before he can say anything else, however, Eren asks him to tie the band to his wrist again.

You are my husband.

Jean swallows, gently, and moves one of his hands to grasp Eren's wrist. ]

Then lets look for it together.

[He can't rest. Even before he left Visium, Eren withheld his intentions from Jean for a long time, and he'll continue to do so. The sensation hits him like a stone wall, making his throat tight. Back to lying to those he loves the most? He's doing it for them.

[Again.

[But it will be different this time.

[Right?

[Jean speaks again. Lucky, that.

[Eren pulls away and nods. Nothing shows on his face, really - that hasn't quite changed. His eyes no longer produce warmth - he fails to change it.

[But he takes Jean's hand, strokes his thumb over the knuckles. He brings it up to his cheek, closes his eyes, holds it there for a moment.

[Jean should hate him.

[He lowers it again.]

My head is a mess. [How could he ever explain?] My memories are all mixed up...

[Point being:]

Show me where to look.

[ My memories are all mixed up.

Jean doesn't know the total breadth of Eren's memories, especially not at this stage; but he accepts it, nodding gently. He takes Eren's hand in one of his own. ]

Okay. If you have questions, feel free to ask.

[ Instead, he leads Eren to their room, though he's left it mostly untouched the last two weeks. That's evident from the light layer of dust settling over some of the surfaces - even Jean would never have let it get that bad normally.

He squeezes his hand as he enters. ]

This is where we moved when you bought the farmland. You liked this room because it faces the forest, not the castle; we watched the sunset together sometimes.

[ He leads him to the dresser that is Eren's, taking a small breath. ]

I made sure your crystal wasn't here, but I didn't keep looking after that. If it's anywhere, it should be in this.

[Eren feels as though he's seeing the memories that Jean relays through a curtain. He can picture them, the way they were, curled against each other, looking out that broad window. Jean used to be what felt like Eren's only anchor in this place. He remembers that more than anything - crawling into his husband's lap and clinging on, grinning, or sobbing, or kissing, or sleeping. Surely, things won't be the same now. He's lost all of his innocence.

[Still. The first thing he did when he woke up in the Enchanted Garden was come to this farm, and there was only one reason.

[Eren watches Jean by the dresser.]

That band was your promise. Mine is still tied around your wrist. It hasn't broken.

You should be the one to find it. [Eren holds out his right hand, where the wristband used to be.] If this is what you want, then. I'm right here.

[ Jean reaches up to squeeze that wrist when Eren holds it out. ]

If it's not here, like I said - I'll get you another.

[ He doesn't want things to be the same. But he still wants Eren here - to laugh, to cry, to try to sleep with him and watch the sunset. He knows there are parts of Eren's mind hidden from even him. In a perfect world, one day, he might've known them.

Their world isn't perfect.

It's cruel, and unjust.

He turns away from Eren, though, to look through the dresser. It's the last draw he examines; the ones stocked with clothes and training uniforms are untouched. But at the bottom of this last drawer - things he hasn't looked into too much. There are mementos, here, too precious to lose but too painful to look upon every day.

In there, the bracelet sits, the leather worn, a cut mended. Jean picks it up and turns to face Eren again. His expression is serious, but his eyes are warm. ]

This is a promise. We don't take it off, or it's bad luck.

[ He mirrors Eren's words to him as he reaches out, tying the leather band securely around his wrist. He has to adjust for the wider size, a bit, but there's more than enough give to fit it.

His fingers linger his wrist, holding his hand in both of Jean's. ]

It's my promise to you.

[ I love you.

I won't let you go without a fight. ]

As a husband, to my husband...

Edited (ONE FUCKING TYPO) 2024-10-08 05:56 (UTC)

[It's not nearly as warm as it was the first time. Eren supposes it can't be. They are, indeed, bound here by a promise. Neither of them intends for that promise to be broken. Eren should be glad for that. He is, in a way.

[He doesn't deserve to be hurt, really. He knows that too.

[He lowers his wrist. He wonders if they'll be watching the sunset through this window tonight, or if they're meant to be elsewhere.

[He takes Jeans hand at the wrist where his own band is tied; runs a finger carefully over the leather.]

These bands are a tradition from my home. They represent an eternal commitment. One that transcends even death. Bodies are buried with these wristbands still tied in place.

[Eren's gaze tries to catch Jean's; he'll stare right at him either way.]

Understand what that means to me, Jean.

You are my husband. [Eren pulls his hands away, now turning over that which wears his own wristband. He touches that band with two fingers, the same way he'd touched Jean's.] As long as I wear this wristband, that will never change.

This is more than a promise.

I understand, Eren.

[ His tone is sincere. There's a reason despite everything he's willing to tie this back onto Eren. That Eren allowed him to, despite the anger he was met with. ]

You told me before you won't forget our time here. I believe you because I don't want to forget you, either. You are important to me. You're one of the most important people to me, here.

[ He reaches out for Eren's hand, pulling it up so he can press a kiss to his palm. ]

Not even in death will we part. That's what I want.

["That's what I want," Jean says. Eren isn't sure that he believes him. It could be more like shackles.

[That isn't what he wants. Jean is choosing him freely - that's what he should believe. He'll have to, for now. His promise remains the same either way.

[Eren briefly raises that kissed hand to trail his fingers along Jean's jaw, green eyes watching him. He feels pained. He doesn't know if it shows. Likely not. He suffers to make anything clear, these days.]

Let's be together a while. Look out the window.

After that, there are others I need to see. [His eyes flicker away, out the window mentioned.] That will give you some time.

[ Jean will always carry a part of Eren with him - just like he carries a part of Sasha, and Marco, with him. What he had to learn to do was not carry their whole body and burdens. Like Mikasa, he'll never forget Eren. Unlike Mikasa - he'll let him go, one day.

The same way he did with Marco, when he chose to catch Reiner over a sea of Titans.

He says none of that. Instead he watches Eren, amber eyes soft, and nods after a moment. ]

Of course.

Come back when you're ready. After seeing everyone.

[ But, with that request, he reaches out to tug Eren to the bed, so they can watch the window. So Jean can hold him, bury his face in his hair and be glad he gets to see Eren again, one last time.

The Eren he really lost when he came to Visium. ]

[First, he went to the place he lived. Someone was missing. Once Eren realized he wasn't there, an itch began, deep under the skin.

[A promise was made. That promise has not been broken. Curse the fact that cell phones are the last thing on Eren's mind right now. He doesn't even think about it; just leaves the farm and starts walking. He knows where to go.

[A place that isn't there anymore. Horizons was destroyed, but Eren found it restored; not so with Eyn Sof. He passes over what used to be the threshold. The building is still half-standing, the remnants of a roof clinging to two stubborn walls. There is some grief to this, though it battles with satisfaction, vindication. Eren steps over cracked glass and splintered wood.

[Two men. Two gods. There are so many memories of Maruki - not just here, but in an office in Liberio, in The Paths. Eren recalls being told that he was one of Maruki's students, or that they'd met in some other city, in some other place, entirely separate from Visium, from Marley, from Tokyo, or anywhere else.

[Eren has no reason to believe that any of it is fiction. Maruki and he were destined to meet - again and again and again and again.

[And if they were going to meet anywhere, surely, it would be here.

[He's not sure how much time passes. Dull eyes scan over splintered wood, the remnants of old furniture, carpet. It still smells the same, somehow. He recalls shared lunches and ruffled hair; shared truths and retching sobs.

[Some impulse makes Eren turn, half shadowed in what remains of their sanctuary.

[And there he is. The sun is high. He's right on schedule.]

How long has it been this time?

[ The message goes through.

Maruki stares until the screen burns into his eyelids when he finally blinks. Waits. Waits for the same sort of delivery error that popped up when he texted Adam, Vash, Zazie. Nothing comes. Looks frantically around the machiya, empty hours after their shared breakfast, Akechi off doing whatever it is he does to fill his days. Quiet. Still. Back down at the phone. Nothing comes. Both messages sit, delivered, unread.

If it's a trick, it's the first one in Somnius that he's fallen for immediately, without question.

He's in a daze. Doesn't know where to go. The farm? It seems obvious, and it's closest. He starts walking before he's consciously decided what to do. He wished for their new home to be close to the farm, and nothing else. It's not a short walk, but it's a pleasant one, and they barely had a chance to walk it together before war, before Eren–

Isn't there. Not in the house, the barn, beneath the tree.

He doesn't think to ask anyone. Just turns around and leaves, starts the long walk into town. Could go back to the machiya to get his recently acquired bicycle and make this trek easier; doesn't even consider it until he's already a mile out. Maruki's mind is elsewhere, a hundred other elsewheres, a hundred other realities, and Eren promised.

He's focused on comforting others. Telling them of that promise, and of the historical precedent for Eren's goodbyes. Neither would go unbroken. He would return.

Convincing and comforting himself with the same knowledge was an impossible task. It's been–

Miserable. Beyond. A grief palpable on his tongue, every day.

Maruki doesn't know where he's going. Does. Isn't thinking. Is.

The only place he can go, in the end. The first place in Somnius that was ever his, and it was his as much as it was theirs. Eren was the first one to see it, and the last. They destroyed it and sat in the rubble and Eren promised.

The sun is high. A noontime ritual, Eren arriving and throwing himself down onto the couch or the floor, eating with him or chatting or just napping. Dozens of afternoons doing not much at all, and the time was never wasted, because it was time spent together, something never guaranteed to them in this hell.

He isn't expecting anything. Is. Doesn't see Eren at first. Does.

He turns over his shoulder, taller, older, voice lower, hair longer, eyes duller, and Maruki's first thought is no, and his second is different, he won't remember, and his third thought is– ]

Eren.

[ Frozen, eyes wide behind his glasses, voice small.

Eren promised, but– ]

You remember me?

[The question feels ridiculous. Maruki is as true to Eren as any person from Paradis would be. In his mind, he never forgot; in his mind, the memories he's experiencing right now are as timeless and impossible as any. Everything feels like it happened yesterday, tomorrow, a thousand times each.

[All the more troublesome that Maruki didn't answer his question. Eren takes a step closer, yellow sunlight leeching shadows from his face, leaving them only beneath his eyes.]

I do. I told you that I would.

[His friend is shaken. Eren's forgotten how to be one. There's some dull ache in the back of his heart, but he doesn't know what to do with it. If it's really been four years (didn't that witch say ten?) since they last met in this reality, then Maruki must have thought he was well and truly gone.

[Surprise. Hell won't end for Eren. For someone like him, it shouldn't. He's accepted that.]

Maruki. [There's nothing to his voice, really. It's vacancy is more sincere than it used to be. He doesn't sound like he's trying to hold anything back; there's nothing there.]

Answer me. How long has it been?

[ In the shifting sands of Maruki's memories, he has lived a reality in which he succeeded in the only dream he ever had, created a perfect world and then isolated himself from it. Not a soul remembered Maruki Takuto. As it should be; at the end of the day, he is unimportant, only a canvas for what others need him to be and he crafted an ideal reality in which no one needed him at all.

He has lived countless realities in which Rumi's eyes turned toward his, lifelike once more but entirely blank. She never remembers him. She never will remember him. There is no world that fixes such a simple fact of life, no world in which he would ever alter his greatest regret even if given the chance.

Everyone says that when you leave this reality, you forget. Maruki refuses to believe it. Has never once cottoned to the idea. Those who forget do so because their wills are weak. His is strong, strong enough to call forth a god. He will never forget, never. The same should go for others, but it isn't a given. Even Eren, even the one other person with as much power over the fabric of reality as him–

But it's what Maruki fears more than anything, and thus, what he's resigned himself to. Being forgotten, being alone.

Eren remembers him.

There's no life in his voice when he confirms it, but he remembers him. Says his name, empty, but present.

Maruki's throat tightens with a relief so total that it unnerves him. How exactly is he supposed to take it when his bone-deep fears are allayed all at once? He feels weightless, adrift. He has to inhale before he speaks, and it shudders. ]

A little more than two weeks. For me, I mean. Not for you. Clearly.

[ A beat, and he tries to smile. Can't feel his own face to feel how effective it is. It might be starting to crumble instead, for all he knows. ]

You came back. How long...?

[There are very few - very few - times that Eren can remember Maruki's breath shuddering, or his expression crumbling.

[It's only been two weeks.

[Eren feels an anxious tug in his chest. One of the more disquieting things about Visium is that he is loved here - loved in new, frightening, overwhelming ways. The less he deserves, the more he receives; even back home, he couldn't escape it.

[It's not easy. Two weeks here, a handful of years there - time has been taken, and Eren can't figure out how much, to what level his anger should rise.

[His right fist clenches at his side, unfurls, clenches again.]

Eh...

[He looks away from Maruki, scratching idly at the back of his ear.]

That's hard to tell you. I was...fifteen when I got here, and I died when I was nineteen. That only feels like a little while ago.

You died.

[ It isn't shock, or surprise, or anything of the sort. Maruki knew Eren would die. He's known that since nearly the beginning of their friendship. Eren's future couldn't be changed; he would return to see it through, and he would die, and that would be that.

So will Akechi. So will Venat. The three people in Somnius he loves most will all return to their deaths, and Maruki has power over all reality, yet there's nothing he can do to stop or change that.

It might bother him more if he wasn't already convinced that their souls and memories persist beyond death, beyond realities. There are those he's meant to meet, to befriend, to let into his beleaguered heart, and he will see them again.

Eren has already died, and he's seeing him again now.

He does smile this time. Wide, and with a choked out, wet laugh as he tips his head back to turn his face toward the sun. Two weeks, four years. Departure, return. Death, rebirth. Or hell. Either way: this fucking place. ]

You almost put me in a grave. Shut up. Come here.

[ And because he knows that this Eren won't, Maruki goes to him instead. Picks his way across the half-destroyed floor of Eyn Sof, the singed and tattered edges of the rug where they sat every day to eat their lunch. Crosses the shell of his office to meet Eren head-on, because he cannot be stopped, neither of them can ever be stopped, and wraps him up in a hug so fierce that it could bend reality all on its own. ]

[What does it matter how long its been? Maruki hugs Eren with such force that you think they'd gone ten thousand years without seeing each other, but that's always how it's going to feel, isn't it? Eren remembers his promise. He knows that, by being here, he hasn't broken it - there's that, at least.

[Still. Maruki and Eren, the two-headed God, were pulled apart. It's profoundly wrong. Eren feels it in every mangled bone.

[His hand finds the nape of Maruki's neck, firmly grasping. His other arm claps around the man's back, pulling him in close, tight.]

I promised you.

You did.

[ There's a permanent, persistent twinge at the base of his neck now. Has been ever since he blinked out and in of existence with a wealth of visions suddenly crowding his mind; an unfamiliar persona evolved out of his own magnified willpower, consuming him, absorbing him, stabbing him through his nape so he could finally let go.

Another coincidence between them. He hadn't even had a chance to tell Eren before war, before–

It feels so stupid. Two weeks is nothing, in the grand scheme of things. But he doesn't need to make Eren understand why it felt so viciously cruel; he gets it, they both get it. And he places his hand right where it needs to be to quell a new ache that he doesn't yet know.

Maruki grips him impossibly tighter, doesn't pull away. Doesn't care who stumbles across his shuttered office and sees him clinging to his newly returned friend. His voice is muffled into Eren's broad shoulder. ]

I'm sorry you had to come back. To life, I mean, not to me.

[ Eren has spent months in Somnius acting as if he's already dead. He's even told Maruki, at times, to pretend that he is. He never has. He won't now, either. But he can recognize a desire fulfilled and then ripped away again, plain as day. ]

Edited 2024-10-01 07:42 (UTC)

[Eren's grip sinks heavier around his friend. He doesn't quite realize.]

We already knew. [His voice remains less than dull, even as fingers strain around flesh and fabric.] This place is Hell.

It's what I expected.

[ It's beyond lifeless. It should be concerning to Maruki, and maybe later it will be, but for now he can only feel relief that Eren exists at all, even against his own wishes. ]

Next time you leave, it'll be because we've broken free. And then you won't come back. You'll be done.

[ It's the only comfort he can offer his friend.

It sits heavily for a long moment, and then Maruki grinds his face into his shoulder, the frames of his glasses digging into his face. He can feel the humid fog on them, hear the strain in his own voice. He doesn't care.

Eren told him once that he could cry, if he wanted to. He wasn't able at the time. Now he isn't able to stop himself, but it's still subtle, soft. ]

I missed you so much. You have no idea.

[It feels impossible. The last Eren was alive, he was the very definition of a monster - a massive beast of bone that crawled across the Earth, decimating everything in its path. Of course, Maruki has never seen Eren that way - Eren knows that, remembers - but it doesn't change the fact that someone very human is curled against him, softly weeping, all because he couldn't bear two weeks without him.

[Four years ago - two weeks ago - it would have made him cry too. He can almost imagine it, the two of them, crying alongside each other.

[He never has seen his friend in a state like this.

[Eren loves. He hates, but he also loves. His love is violent, all-consuming, destructive, and steadfast. It never ebbs. It exists for so few, so massive that it blocks out the sun.

[Eren loves. It never was beaten out of him. There's no reason left to hide from it. The world has already been devoured.

[Eren is taller than Maruki now. He turns his nose into the man's hair and closes his eyes. Fingers trail over shuddering shoulders.]

I'm sorry.

If you'd left first, I'd be furious.

[ He laughs again, wants to shove Eren's head, mess up his hair, tease him for being ridiculous. ]

Well, I wasn't furious. I was just–

[ It feels so stupid. Two weeks is nothing, in the grand scheme of things. He knows this.

But he has spent every single day since the afternoon that he let Rumi go building a life that ensures he never experiences loss again. He did it once, and that was enough. It shattered his heart and set him on a course for total perfection, total solitude. He couldn't ever do it again, and in the end, it was easy to do: Isolate, create distance, let no one in.

Coming to Somnius threw a wrench into things, but his desire to leave and to allow others to return to their own realities should they so choose ought to have inured him to the pain. He lost a few friends before this. There was some sadness, at first, but it faded easily with the knowledge that they were better off no longer trapped in a false reality. He really did think that was a foolproof safeguard.

Six, seven years since Rumi, and this is the first loss he's experienced.

It's stupid. It is. He knows it. But it shredded through him slowly, and it was never in anger. Only the pure misery of grief. ]

It doesn't matter.

[ He shakes his head, thumps a weak fist against Eren's back. ]

Don't apologize, though. I know you had nothing to do with it. You wouldn't have left like that if you had any choice in the matter. It's just... this place.

Stop...

[At last, Eren releases his grip, pulling back to set a hand on either one of Maruki's shoulders instead. He looks his friend in the eye. Foggy lenses block the path; Eren takes it upon himself to push them up into Maruki's hair. Who wants to cry with glass in front of their face?]

Tell me how it felt. [Eren doubts he told anyone else.]

[ Glasses gone, his eyesight even blurrier than it would be otherwise. Maruki tugs the sleeve of his sweater over the heel of his palm to swipe it beneath both eyes and looks at Eren, squinting to try to sharpen his features.

He isn't a crier like Eren is. Was. There are no loud, gasping sobs to be had here. When Maruki does allow himself to cry, it's a quiet, slow thing. His eyes well up just enough for tears to get caught on his lashes when he blinks; they don't spill. ]

I know you lost a lot of people here that you cared deeply for, but that was the first time it happened for me.

[ His eyes drift from Eren's face to the half-ruined office around them, fuzzy in his poor vision. Here, of all places, being made to try to explain how grief feels to the person who has been mired in it for so much of his young life. ]

I've never had a best friend before.

[ Rumi, maybe, when they were in high school, but it so quickly became something else that it hardly counted. Since then, nothing, no one. ]

I felt alone.

[ He wasn't. He knows that he wasn't. That doesn't change how it felt. ]

[Eren and Maruki, separated, is a uniquely lonely sort of Hell. Eren understands, of course. He barely remembers what it was like to be here before - hasn't had time to remember - but he remembers that feeling, that loss, that terrible waiting period, over and over and over again.

[He remembers having to continue living. He remembers how impossible that felt. When Mikasa disappeared, he questioned every day how he managed to make himself breathe. It was worse than Hell.

[He also remembers thinking that if Maruki ever left Visium without him, he'd burn it straight to the ground.

[Of course he felt alone. Eren squeezes his shoulders. He's hurt a lot of people, abandoned them. The grief and betrayal they felt is perhaps what's more difficult to live with than anything, but Eren doesn't fear that here. He knows he is forgiven without having to ask. Because he and Maruki were not designed for one reality alone. Despite everything, that terrible grief, Maruki must have still known that it wouldn't be the last time...

[Still. To know that this man, whom Eren adores more than almost anyone, was in so much pain - it's gut-wrenching.]

You aren't anymore.

[He makes promises he can't or won't keep all the time, but he knows he can make this one. He likes to keep them when he can. He really does.]

It's over now. All that's left is this Hell.

I see realities through to their end.

[I'm here. I'm sorry. I won't leave you again.]

[ He isn't alone. He never was, never will be now that he knows every reality is just another opportunity to find his friend again.

I see realities through to their end. ]

I know. I know, we both do.

[ Another laugh, but this one doesn't struggle for breath like the others. Still teary, but with true mirth behind it. He hears exactly what Eren is saying, and he's so goddamn relieved.

Maruki rubs at his eyes again, doesn't bother with his glasses just yet. Just in case. Heaves a huge inhale, tries to collect himself; there will be time later, he hopes, to tell Eren more.

For now, he just wants to hear him. Start committing this new voice to memory. ]

Did you remember? When you went back?

[That question is more loaded than it's ever been. Eren knows that the nature of his memories is no mystery to Maruki - meaning that the fact they're a mystery to him is no mystery. It's worse now than it's ever been. He remembers everything, of course, but it's difficult to place what belongs where. This reflects more in the prolonged silence than it does any flicker of facial expression. Eren removes his hands from Maruki's shoulders.]

My head is a mess.

Everything I remember feels like it happened all at once.

Thinking now...even as a a child, I remembered you. But that doesn't make sense...[His tone really hasn't changed much, but Maruki wouldn't be imagining it if Eren sounded more or less resigned to this.]

[ It's hardly surprising. Maruki hadn't expected a clean, cut and dry answer. That's not how memory works, and they both know it too well. Eren more so now than ever.

Eren's hands drop away, and Maruki replaces them with his own over his friend's shoulders. When did he get so tall? Only a couple inches more than him, but still. He can't call him shrimpy anymore.

But back then– ]

That did happen here. There was a period of time where we were occasional younger, or different versions of ourselves. I spent a lot of time with you as a kid.

[ It's all plainly, gently stated. He can only imagine a fraction of what Eren is feeling now, infinite futures and realities and pasts and memories jumbled into one mind. He will be nothing but patient with the person who has always deserved his help the most. ]

I can help you sort a lot of things out. We'll take it slow. There's time.

[Maruki's hands are on his shoulders, as grounding as ever, but Eren has been left without a single other tether. His brow just barely pinches in, the ghost of a frown. He glares at the ground, more focus than fury.]

I don't think...there's much left of me anymore. [Stated as simple fact - not so loaded with emotion as it might have been had he'd said it before it was really true. He took on a burden that one mind simply can't. He wasn't meant to survive that. The goal has been reached, and what's leftover is...slurry. Once you sort it out, what else is there?]

[ Maruki hears it. He's listening. He has listened to every word Eren has said to him, nearly every single day for months. He has reams of paper dedicated to keeping everything about Eren straight. An unfathomable amount of information, shared to both counselor and friend, all painstakingly catalogued and filed against his heart.

He hears the truth in Eren's words, but he also knows they come from a different reality, with a different set of circumstances.

And now he's here, with Maruki. Change is as inevitable as they are. ]

Maybe. Maybe not. You won't know until you find out. And please don't take this as me spontaneously developing an ego, but...

[ His hands rub up and down Eren's upper arms, soothing. ]

You've got an expert in the field at your side. You haven't had someone around to help you or let you simply be, Eren.

[ His eyes are dry again, smile entirely genuine and radiantly warm. ]

If you don't trust your own mind, trust me. I never let you down before.

Edited 2024-10-01 10:12 (UTC)

Simply be...

[He mutters the words between them as if trying to decipher them. He doesn't seem to understand.

[Quieter; he really doesn't.]

What good will that do?

It did a lot of good before.

[ He holds a preemptive hand up between them, stops a protest before it starts. ]

I know you're different now. I know. But that doesn't change what I'm telling you.

[ And then, the hand replaced on his shoulder, firm and grounding. Maruki expects this to take a long time. Maybe the whole rest of the time that they have together in Somnius. It doesn't matter. His patience is eternal, as is his stubbornness, and his conviction is pure. Eren might as well be looking at the sun. ]

I helped you before, and I'll help you again. Just watch me.

[A silence has grown, slowly, over time, in Eren. Words come easily in anger or manipulation, but as for his own mind? His own feelings?

[When was the last time he could just be? He can't remember. He's not sure if there ever was a time at all.

[Dull eyes stare at Maruki's, which are warm enough for the both of them; the sun, yes. What Eren's searching for is unclear even to him.]

You did. I remember.

[But it is different. He's not the same. Hope is well and truly gone. There's no point in even being angry anymore. He hasn't felt it yet, really.]

I don't...know where to begin.

That's okay.

[ Heat rises up behind his eyes again before he can stop it, and they shine as he grins, shakes his head, jostles Eren. ]

That's okay. Eren. I don't expect you to.

[ He can't make Eren understand anything at the moment. He can only be here for him as the slurry of his mind slowly sifts and settles, as much as it ever will.

It's an honor, really. He can't make Eren understand that, either. ]

You don't need to do anything. Just– come rest. [ A beat, and a slightly sheepish, watery laugh. ] When you're done seeing everyone else, I mean. I don't presume I take precedence.

[Eren hates to see him crying, of course. It's not something that Maruki does. To that end, he's grateful to see it too. He doesn't think Maruki would show almost anyone else. This is what Eren's asked him for. They can both "just be" for at least a little while.

[He thumbs Maruki's tears away with no fanfare, then knocks his glasses back onto his nose. It might seem like a playful gesture - really, it's an awkward, aimless one.]

I'd like to be with you for a while.

[ Maruki's glasses slide back down his face and he huffs a laugh, grabs them for a quick clean before replacing them properly. ]

I'd like that, too. Ah, have you gone back to the farm yet...?

[ Is it chill to go there? Or is it more machiya hours? ]

[At this, dull eyes become duller. He's still facing Maruki, but his gaze is somewhere else. He's gone back to the farm.]

You're staying somewhere else now, aren't you? Let's go there.

[ Yeah, that's about what he figured. Maruki did enough managing others' emotions over the past two weeks to know that it likely wouldn't be an easy return. Nothing more needs to be said. He's all too glad to leave Eyn Sof behind – hopefully for the last time, and with the only other person who should get to say goodbye to it.

It's a long walk back to the machiya, and if Eren wants to be silent, Maruki is happy to oblige. There's something to be said for companionable silence with a dear friend; falling back into it is as natural as breathing.

And the sight of the home slowly becoming visible through the thicket of trees is like a sigh of deep, contented relief. It's Maruki's home here. It's private, safe.

He looks over to Eren as he leads him through the outdoor entry area, lush with plant life and peaceful in its quiet. ]

You barely got to see this place before you left. It's okay if you don't remember it.

[As they walk, Eren recalls flying. The sensation itself is a vivid memory, but he spent so much time dreaming about it, that it seems like only that. Recollection seeps in, however. He did fly with Maruki. Walked too, but on four legs. He's less human than ever now. If he could have been something other than a monster, instead, maybe he would have liked it.

[Probably not.

[They make it to the front entrance. Eren doesn't remember a single thing about it. What he remembers is a castle - stone walls and wretched sobbing; a garden, idle conversation.

[He wonders if he'll ever see that place again.]

I don't. It looks...odd. [Eren? Culturally insensitive? Well, boss, it's more likely than you think.]

[ Maruki rolls his eyes, nothing but fond as he holds the door open wide for Eren to enter first. ]

It's in the style of a traditional home back in my reality.

[ Maybe one day, you'll see one. After all, in another world, another time, you were one of my students, weren't you?

Trapped deftly under his tongue and swallowed back down. He can't confuse Eren any more than he already is. Memories need to be metered out slowly; they'll get there.

He gestures gently for Eren to remove his shoes with him in the sunken entryway before they continue on, and it's so surreal, suddenly. He's spent the past weeks holed up in this house while not at work, keeping the business Eren started running. His misery about Eren kept him here, and now he's here, and it's–

Not something to take for granted. Not for a moment. ]

I can make you some food, or we can just sit and talk.

[ A gesture to the airy kitchen, then to the little alcove that looks out into one of the gardens, cushions on the tatami floor to rest on and a low table for drinks. Whatever Eren wants. ]

[Information from realities Eren has never known seeps in slow, an almost insidious feeling. It brings dread with it. Maruki is not the first person from Tokyo, Japan that Eren met. When Maruki mentioned it, he knew the name. He knew because of Subaru.

[Eren's mouth feels dry, fingers curling and twitching at his side. He looks about the Machiya, but it doesn't distract. Two weeks makes no difference, really. Four years does. When you add both together, what's the result? Eren wants to ask, but fears the answer.]

Maruki...

Has anyone else come back?

[ Maruki doesn't try to steer him in either directly, only stands firm next to him and speaks calmly, softly. ]

No. A decent amount of people have disappeared recently– no one important.

[ A quick addition, and to anyone else it might sound like a cruel, callous one. He knows that he can be honest with Eren. Some people matter more than others.

Watching the network like a hawk day in and day out to see if Eren might resurface means he saw all those who suddenly dropped off, too. For a while, it felt ominous, then it felt numb. ]

As far as I'm aware, you're the only one who's returned.

[Eren blinks, and suddenly his eyes are on the ground. There's some sound in the distance, but it's from another time; he doesn't turn his head. There won't be anyone standing there.

[Fingers curl, knuckles cracking. He stretches his neck and nods.]

Alright, then. Let's just eat.

[ There's something to it, something happening here that Maruki doesn't understand. With how well he and Eren came to understand one another, it's sometimes difficult to recall the beginning of their time together, when every conversation was rife with gaps of knowledge and misaligned communications that Maruki needed to learn how to bridge.

It's like that again. He knows Eren, but he's learning him all over again too. He'll see it through with the same gentle, stalwart patience as before.

A squeeze to one of Eren's arms as he turns him toward the kitchen, then lets go so he can lead the way, grabbing for an apron on a hook next to the refrigerator without a second thought. ]

Have a seat. [ A gesture to the bar counter that will let Eren watch him while he cooks, the place where he and Akechi eat all their meals together, side by side. ] Any requests?

[ He doubts it! ]

[Maruki might not know what's wrong, but he knows that something's wrong, evidenced by that light squeeze to the arm. There's some comfort to that, somehow. Eren and Maruki used to talk for hours upon hours every single day. Eren's not sure that he could manage more than a few sentences now.

[Maruki understands anyway. They'll learn how to communicate with a glance once again. Eren trusts him implicitly, even now.

[He sits at the bar. The Machiya looks about as ostentatious as the farmhouse, but Eren hasn't been at all startled by the environmental changes of Somnius. He spent a long time here, recognizes what should be out of place. He's able to digest the Machiya for that reason - could come to like it, even, so long as Maruki is here.

[He pushes the image of Akechi Goro out of his mind. His heart isn't ready yet.]

This place has all sorts of food, doesn't it? [But, no. No requests, as expected.]

I'll eat anything. I can't remember the last time I did. [Days, at least. Years? Millenia?]

[ It gives him pause for just a moment; how long has it been since Eren got to do something as simple as enjoy a meal? He'll never know. Neither of them will. It may not feel like much, but it is. These simple things that he can do for Eren matter. They must.

And simple might truly be best. The machiya came wonderfully equipped, just as it would have been back home; there is always warm rice in the rice cooker, always leftover miso soup that can be reheated. Maruki pulls the pot out of the fridge, sets it on the stove and continues rooting around the kitchen for more as he speaks, his tone light. ]

One day, I'm going to ask someone that question and they're going to say to me, "actually, Maruki-sensei, yes! I have a whole menu to request from you, and I want it cooked exactly to my preferences. Chop chop, chef." But until then, you're all infuriatingly easy to feed.

[ He glances up, smiling wryly. ]

I'm only teasing.

[ Eren never laughed before, and he absolutely won't now, but it doesn't matter. It never made Maruki treat him any differently. With the people he cares for, he's affectionate and sarcastic in equal measure. ]

[Would that Eren could be charmed into laughter by the funniest, most earnest, most genuine person he knows (not to everyone, maybe, but when it matters, certainly), but those days are long gone.

[He wishes he could at least smile, if only to let Maruki know that he doesn't mind. If Maruki stopped making stupid jokes, whatever's left of Eren's heart would most certainly break. It already does so often; hurts the same every time.]

Sensei. What's that one?

[ That's the thing, though, isn't it? Maruki has never needed Eren to smile, or to laugh. He's never once tried to force it. He jokes and prods and messes around because it's fun, not because he wants to draw a reaction out of Eren. However he is is exactly how he ought to be.

Maruki smiles wide enough for both of them as he stirs the soup and dishes up a bowl of rice. ]

It's an honorific for a teacher, or a doctor. Someone who's an expert in their field. There are a few people here who use it for me and it's always oddly flattering...

[ Idle chitchat. Maruki hums as he lays two bowls each of rice and soup out on the counter, western utensils for Eren. Just as he's removing the apron to come around and sit with him, he freezes in place, mouth dropping open momentarily: ]

Oh! Wait, hold on, there's–

[ He whips around, hands flying up into the air in triumph as he spots a little brown paper sack. Success! They weren't all eaten this morning.

He produces from it a single croissant, brings it to Eren as he joins him at the counter. ]

It isn't freshly baked, it's from early this morning, but– you always liked them, right?

[Eren's about to ask about the difference in utensils (those are just sticks?) when Maruki, quite abruptly, turns around with his arms up in the air. Eren's not sure he's ever seen him act so much like a kid. He really is happy to see him. Happy to give him this...bread, also.

[There's not more than a twitch to his brow as he eyes the croissant, but it does relay some confusion.]

I guess...

[Bread is just bread - usually hard and lumpy and tasteless. He's not expecting much as he takes a bite.

[Eyes subtly widen. He stares at the oddly-shaped confection. It's good. He remembers now...]

That's right. [Mutters a curse under his breath and takes another bite, swallows.]

Everyone here eats like they're rich. [Ah, but...]

I delivered food.

[ A little pride swells in Maruki's chest; such simple things can help jog his memory, too. They don't have to rehash everything to death. They can just– exist. Just be. It really will help Eren. He wasn't wrong.

He murmurs a quick thank you over the food before digging in, nodding through a spoonful of soup. ]

You did. You ran a whole business. I think you hated aspects of that, though.

[ No, he knows. Maruki shrugs, another warm, hearty spoonful, then sets it down. ]

I took over cooking while you were gone. I'll probably keep that up... But you don't have to go back to work. Everyone has it handled.

[Well, thank Ymir for that, because:]

I don't want to.

[Time to finish this croissant. Fuck Thermopolycule-- Eh. Some combination of words people were always throwing at him.]

It made me angry that so many people here wouldn't feed themselves despite all the food. That's why.

[Croissant break.]

Let them starve.

[ Maruki laughs.

A short sound that shocks out of his solar plexus as he drops the chopsticks from his mouth to look over at Eren, eyes widening behind his glasses. ]

You– oh, you're serious.

[ Not judgmental. Almost... relieved, actually. ]

I kind of thought that might be the reason you did it, more than anything else. You were so irritated with me about that when I first arrived. I quickly understood why, of course.

[ He waves his free hand as if clearing the thoughts from the air. ]

Regardless! I know I have no stake in the business, but if I did, I certainly wouldn't blame you for leaving it behind. I'm sure Jean will be happy to handle it.

[ Is he sure of that? Not really. But, frankly, it doesn't matter to him. What matters is Eren doing whatever the hell he wants. No one will starve, because Thermo won't die with him, but he's allowed to say fuck it and go. ]

[Jean? Happy? Eren sneers into his soup, lowering his head to take a bite.

[Jean has every right to hate him. Eren knows this.

[It hurts anyway. The last thing he wants is to be made a cage. He always allowed his friends their own autonomy - never altered their bodies or minds to keep them at bay. That was its own form of cruelty, but still...

[They're married. Eren loves him. He wants to be loved. Many have claimed that theirs is unconditional, but Eren's always known that isn't true.

[He's been quiet too long again, hand frozen, holding the spoon, eyes unfocused on the table.

[He used to tell Maruki almost anything. Not this, though. He wouldn't understand, Eren thinks. No one else but he or Jean could.

[A new thought comes to interrupt the static. Eren realizes something; lifts his head.]

You really aren't counseling anymore, then. Just cooking. [Two statements, but he waits for confirmation.]

[ Eren used to tell him almost anything, it's true. But not everything Maruki learned about him was through conversation. Observation and analysis have always been more important tools in his skillset than he thinks Eren has realized.

Asking if he visited the farm elicited a reaction. Mentioning Thermo and Jean elicits a reaction.

Noted.

He tears off a tiny corner of what's left of Eren's croissant to have a nibble himself. ]

I'm not counseling in any formal capacity, no. I won't start that again. I don't know how long I'll stick with cooking either, but for now it's good.

[ A beat. He doesn't look at Eren, shrugs. ]

It got me out of the house, at least. I wasn't leaving otherwise.

[ Another beat. Maruki doesn't know why he's still talking. He and Eren got to a point where he really couldn't obfuscate his emotions anymore, and certainly couldn't lie about them. They pour forth, even with this Eren who hasn't had to listen to him for four infinitely long years. ]

I felt a little like you, sometimes. Forcing myself to keep to a routine because otherwise, there was just... nothing.

[ Grief. He's describing grief.

And normally, this is where he would apologize, change the subject, get back on track. You say what you think you should say instead, Eren told him once, to get him to cut the bullshit. But he doesn't do that anymore. Not with Eren. ]

Edited (at first i thought i couldn't find the thread and then i could. turns out it's so burned into my brain that i paraphrased it perfectly anyway) 2024-10-02 10:47 (UTC)

[When Maruki reaches for a piece of Eren's croissant, Eren thoughtlessly hands over the entire thing. His friend is hungry.

[After that, it's all grief. Waking up in the morning and remembering that your comrade is dead is a unique sort of Hell, but then the Commander is calling for you to stand at attention, so you do, and you forget for a little while. That continues on until you're nineteen years old, barreling toward your own death, where grief will cease to have any weight.

[It isn't like that here. The war they fight is quiet like a slow-acting poison. When you wake up and remember that your friend is gone, all there is ahead of you is another day to live without them. The Commanders sit in their cottages and drink tea. You find ways to fill the time. You must find ways to fill the time. All the while uncertain as to whether or not ghosts are really ghosts.

[Eren never meant to cause Maruki grief. He is a creature built from grief, born grieving. It never gets easier. It never hurts less. He still sees them, hears them, feels them - all of them. Even those who probably never would have called him a friend themselves.

[Now, here, at the end of his life, so many have been left to grieve - grieve Eren, grieve the world. To love Eren is to lose him, and Maruki will a thousand times more than anyone else will.

[Why? Because they'll meet a thousand more times than anyone else will. Because they were meant to sit just like this, face to familiar, bespectacled face.

[Eren's hand starts to reach across the table - stills...

[...connects at Maruki's bicep, squeezing. Eren looks him in the eye. The words "I'm sorry" are so terribly cheap. He can't bring himself to say them. Maybe Maruki will know. He knows so many things.

[Eren lets go of Maruki's arm; withdraws his hand.]

If there's time...[There's never time.]...we'll just rest a while.

I'm tired. [It feels odd to admit.] Dying, I thought...I wouldn't be anymore.

[ Maruki knows. He feels it in that grounding, comforting touch, and he sees it in Eren's deadened gaze. It's an apology he doesn't need to give. There are ways that they will hurt one another that are inevitable; grief is one of them. It's neither of their faults. It's simply the way of the world. All things end, again and again and again.

Still, Maruki accepts it. Goes to catch Eren's hand– it's already gone.

He breaks the remaining croissant in half, hands it over to Eren without question. ]

There's plenty of time. And candidly... I'm tired too. Not like you are, but.

[ It was a familiar feeling in the worst way. No amount of sleep or even just inertia could give him any reprieve. Whether he closed his eyes or not, he was still miserable, so what was the point?

He's tired. Now that the adrenaline of finding Eren has all but entirely faded, it's been hitting him again and again. ]

Let's take a nap. I'm serious. I don't have anything else going on today, and even if I did, I don't care. And you deserve to rest, Eren. You do.

[Maruki reaches for him, but it's too late. Eren could reach back, but that feels too late too.

[Under the table, his foot lightly swings, just barely knocking into Maruki's shin.

[A simple nap. When's the last time Eren had one of those? He can't remember the last time he lay down in a bed at all. It must have been in that hospital in Liberio on a cold, iron cot.

[He and Maruki used to nap together. Eren's spent his entire life sleeping beside others; hasn't now in a long, long time...

[There are others he needs to see. He hasn't forgotten them either. But the idea of stepping outside right now feels oppressive. The machiya is quiet and comfortable, and his best friend is here, right here. Eren could have built a place where they could nap for four years straight if they really wanted to. He wanted to give them all more time, but the world needed ending.

[Eren feels himself breathe, and it seems that he can't remember the last time he did that, either.

[He's so very, very tired.

[Rather than answer, he takes a few minutes to quickly eat the rest of his meal. He doesn't rush necessarily, but eats at a steady, quick pace. He won't let it go to waste - never trusts that he'll be eating again soon - but, despite the food's taste, he wants to be finished eating. He wants to rest.

[Nods as he takes in the last mouthful.]

Alright.

[ Food finished, dishes cleared, Maruki leads Eren through the rest of the machiya, quietly points out the sunken conversation pit and the kotatsu as they make their way to the stairs. The second floor landing is open air, overlooking the first; a simple row of rooms and nothing more.

Maruki doesn't mention Akechi as they pass his room. The smaller of the two, door barely ajar, the moon statue inside and Korokke asleep on his bed. He pushes open the door to the larger room it shares a wall with, and the term bedroom has never been more apt: It is a room with a bed in it. Nearly wall to wall, only just enough room on either side to make changing sheets possible, if incredibly annoying.

Maruki scratches at his jaw and huffs a laugh. ]

I don't know why the rooms are like this, but I've grown to like them.

[ A wide, sweeping gesture, as if to say it's all yours. ]

[They pass a bedroom that isn't Maruki's. A flicker of eyes through the cracked-open door reveals no one. Eren's fingers brush the wood as they pass.

[And, then, they're at Maruki's door, Eren staring at what looks like a particularly luxurious prison cell. His head tilts just a fraction of an inch to the side. It seems almost like you'd have to get a running start to get yourself right in the center. Eren sits on the edge, not quite sure how to manage. Eventually, he ends up lying on his back, feet still flat on the floor, his hands folded over his chest.

[The bed is more comfortable than he's ever felt, he thinks. That feels strange.

[He speaks to an unfamiliar ceiling.]

You too? [The vulnerability of the question creeps up after he's already asked.

[It's been a damn long time since he slept beside someone.]

Of course.

[ Said without even looking. Maruki's busy closing the room up. It isn't entirely austere; nothing of his ever could be. Shelves on the walls are lined with books he's stolen from the library, some of the smaller potted plants he kept in Eyn Sof. Odds and ends from life in Somnius. The dagger Eren let him keep during war.

The large window above the bed pours in bright, dappled light through the tall trees that surround the building. Maruki draws curtains closed to dim it; the room is awash in pale, warm yellow light. ]

It's peaceful, right?

[ He clambers onto the bed inelegantly, flops down properly, perpendicular to where Eren has situated himself. A little bonk to the top of Eren's head, like he would during those times that his best friend spontaneously became a child. ]

Lay down normally. Dork.

[Funny that being called a "dork" should make emotion well up in Eren's chest, but people don't speak fondly of him anymore. They have no reason to. He's a bastard and a traitor and a monster and a god and a plague and ghost.

[To Maruki, just a dork worth bopping on the head. Eren's eyes fall momentarily closed, eyelids straining with some vague hint of pain.

[He breathes just fine. That's really not the problem.

[Anyway, there's not exactly an elegant way to climb into a bed like this, so eventually, he turns to get on his hands and knees and pulls himself in properly. He settles on his back again, arms fully folding over his chest now, rather than just the hands. He doesn't exactly look comfortable. Maruki might remember that Eren preferred to sleep on his side, but he hasn't done so in quite a while now. Too comforting, somehow.

[Maruki asked him a question. He turns his head barely to the side, watching his friend. There were a couple of times, before, where they lay together, but not like this. They wrapped around each other, just as he would with anyone in the 104th, or anyone here that he loves. It's what he's used to and what he wants, but it's been too long. He doesn't touch - only destroys. His hands grip his own biceps, jaw grinding just slightly.

[He's forgotten entirely how to act human.]

It is. [Peaceful, he means. Has he waited too long to respond?] It's smaller than a cell.

Can't say that it feels like one, though.

[ The difference is palpable, and it isn't difficult to figure why. Maruki knows what Eren's future holds, but it isn't only that.

Just a little more than two weeks ago, they sacked out together in the farmhouse during the war. Maruki can still remember exactly how he fell asleep, Eren's head pressed into his shoulder. For Eren, though – it's been four years, and infinite time on top of that. How much opportunity has he had for casual affection of any kind?

None in a while, by the looks of it.

Maruki turns onto his side to face in, head propped up on one hand. Observes his rigid position, the tension of his grip on his own arms.

It might not be the right thing to do, in the end, but that's why he's doing this. To relearn his friend. And even with all that now separates them, what remains is what ties them together irrevocably. He trusts that his instincts are more right than they aren't.

His other hand lands on Eren's arm. Wraps around his bicep, just below Eren's own grip, and tugs. Gentle but insistent, trying to loosen it away.

He doesn't call attention to it, simply keeps up the idle conversation as he tries to unpeel Eren from himself. ]

I like it, there's nothing to do in here but sleep. There's another room up here where we keep our clothes and things, and a guest room with– ah, futons, they're like floor beds? I don't think I ever told you about those.

[Eren is touched.

[Don't. The blade will cut. Don't.

[Maruki's tug is weak - it should do nothing. But Eren isn't pulled. Just invited.

[Maruki isn't afraid. Not of him.

[He mourns the realities he spent without his dearest friend. How different might they have been? Not at all, maybe. Maruki couldn't change his future even once they did meet.

[But Eren isn't asking for that; isn't asking for anything, but he's given it, regardless.

[He's always wanted to be close. As a child, he craved friendship and met rejection at every turn. As a teenager, his closest friends were those assigned to him. As an adult, he destroyed them; realized that they always feared him, and that they were right to.

[Is there truly anyone else who loves Eren the way Maruki does? It's unconditional.

[He can think of two others. They aren't here. Eren wanted Maruki to meet them.

[Eren shifts onto his side, arms still folded tight. He feels ashamed without knowing why. He can't quite look at Maruki. His cheeks are tinged red with embarrassment, but it has nothing to do with their closeness.

[He doesn't deserve him.

[Maruki just keeps talking. Eren follows the conversation for what it is. Hell if he has anything better to contribute. It's easier, more pleasant, to talk about things like:]

A bedroll?

[ It's unconditional.

It didn't start that way, and one day Maruki will have to reckon with that, apologize for behavior that Eren never seemed to become aware of, even when it was pointed out to him.

He quickly learned, counseling in Somnius, that he couldn't fix anyone. Not when every reality is more horrific than the last, and not when their struggles are so far outside his comprehension. All he could do was listen, and accept, and let them be. And Eren was the first to get that treatment. The one to get it most often.

He learned how to unconditionally accept Eren long before he learned to love him. One begat the other, transmuting easily. It's never been difficult to love the closest friend he's made in any reality. Never.

Not even now, as Eren lies stiff and reticent on his side, his mind worlds away. ]

Sort of like a bedroll, but better. Whatever you're picturing, imagine it approximately a hundred times more comfortable. I'll show you one later.

[ Maruki lays his head down, watches Eren for a moment. The first time they ended up passing out together at the farm, Eren told him about sleeping close to his friends. How normal it was for him, how much he needed it.

A lot has changed, but Eren is still Eren. Still the boy who cried into his chest about Marco before he fell asleep.

He's lost so much. He hasn't lost himself, even if he believes he has. Maruki won't allow it.

Without hesitation, he reaches across to lay an arm over Eren's shoulders, palm coming to rest against his nape. A gentle touch, a gentle pressure. An unspoken invitation that will only continue to be extended, whether or not Eren takes it. ]

[Eren's forgotten what they were talking about. It takes only that split second, that gentle touch, that sacred area. Static erupts beneath the skin, crawling down his back and over his shoulders. It feels as if a chill could be warm. The inside of his throat feels thicker. Grey-green eyes sharpen - focused, alert, all the things fear has warped itself into for the sake of survival.

[It's too much. It's been too long. Jean and he only touched after it was established that Eren was hated; thereby unwelcome, or so it feels. But Maruki welcomes him.

[And Eren could argue. Eren could remind Maruki that he's a monster, that his true reality is an ocean of pulp and blood - on and on and on and on, Eren could argue, but it won't do any good. He knows it won't do any good. Maruki won't hate him. Eren doesn't want him to. Maruki won't push him away. Eren doesn't want him to. Maruki will keep him safe.

["Safe". As if Eren isn't a god himself. As if Eren isn't perfectly capable of making sure that nothing can hurt him. As if a 300-meter beast with an army of others needs to feel safe, but he does.

[He does.

[If he were still sixteen, he'd fold into Maruki, cling tight, and sob.

[If there was anyone he could cry in front of, it would be this man, but he simply doesn't. He simply can't. Can only stare at Maruki like a cornered animal, eyes dry where they would have once welled up wet. There's nothing to blink away.

[But his palm comes up to Maruki's chest. His fingers curl, pulling together knitted fabric. His brow pinches just the tiniest bit. He turns his head down and glares between them, almost angry - only at himself. Maybe you could merely call it frustration. Maybe pure rage isn't all there is left.

[He uncrosses his arms; "adjusts," but it moves him just an inch closer. He still can't seem to look at him.]

I'm not the same. [He whispers it between them.] I'll never be the same. I'm sorry.

Eren.

[ Firm, grounding. The same tone he's used a hundred times before to hold Eren's attention.

Earlier, Eren held him in the rubble and let him cry, the first person in Somnius to do so. He isn't crying now, but Maruki can easily recognize the heaviness of this moment that would normally call for it. He can be that same stalwart presence. He's done it before. He'll do it as many times as Eren needs, in every reality they meet in. It's an honor, to be so trusted.

Eren scoots an inch closer; Maruki makes up the rest of the distance easily. Rolls close enough for them to curl together as they used to, if Eren eventually allows himself to do so. His voice is calm, measured, filled to the brim with nothing less than complete and total understanding. ]

You don't have to apologize for that. Not to me. I don't expect you to be the same– I don't even want you to be. I just want you to be you.

[ Maruki shifts his hand up to the base of Eren's skull and pushes down, making him bow his head. He lifts his own, comes up to press a kiss to his forehead, the stray hairs escaping their bun tickling his face. It's a quick gesture, it doesn't linger, but it isn't without a tremendous amount of affection. ]

Just be. That's enough.

[ He meant it before. He'll always mean it. ]

[Why should anyone have to be special?
That just isn't the way I like to look at things.
And when it comes to my child, I don't care if he grows up to be great.
My son doesn't have to be better than anyone. He's so cute.
I think Eren is special enough already.
For no other reason than that he was born into this world.]

[You don't have to apologize for that.
Not to me.
I don't expect you to be the same.
I don't even want you to be.
I just want you to be you.
Just be.
That's enough.]

[Eren's body goes rigid, every muscle tensed.

[Strong arms encircle Maruki and clutch. Fingers dig into shoulderblades.

[Eren yanks Maruki against his chest, hold tighter than a vice grip.

[His body trembles from the effort, eyes wide on the wall behind Maruki. Their faces are pressed together, cheek to cheek, so that Maruki can't see Eren's grief, his gratitude.

[He fails to breathe; it comes out ragged.

Maruki. [A pained growl, aggressive only in its desperation.

[And that's all. The pressure doesn't ease. He won't let go. He can't.]

[ Eren's right. He's the same. This is not the same. The way he clings is vicious, bereaved. It aches, right down into Maruki's bones.

He doesn't try to get Eren to ease up. Doesn't pull away or move much at all. He stays still, steadfast, a port in a storm. Runs his hand up and down Eren's back to soothe what can't be soothed. Tucks his face against Eren's shoulder, closes his eyes, breathes. Tries as best he can to get Eren to match the deep, even rise and fall of his chest.

His best friend is dead.

His best friend is here.

Why would he ever let go? ]

Eren. Just rest a while.

[Eren doesn't cry, but he does let out a cry. It's strangled through gritted teeth - a furious, mournful growl that clambers out of his throat and crawls up the walls of the miniscule bedroom. The breaths that follow come out in clipped bursts, broad chest heaving despite Maruki's modeling. He lets out another shout - low, rageful, but it peters out in an nauseous groan.

[His grip loosens. He curls his body, legs wrapping around Maruki's, head falling to the man's chest.

[He listens to him breathe.

[He listens to him breathe.

[He listens to him breathe.]

[And rests.]

[He goes to the castle, but Akechi isn't there. It's early, but still dark out. He's certain this is where they used to meet.

[He remembers the route, so he takes it - doesn't jog, just walks. There's no one around this early to bother them--

Him.

[That was the beauty, really. A phosphorescent garden at the bottom of a starlit cliffside, dawn cresting on the horizon - it's really nothing compared to the familiar silhouette it created. Eren remembers Akechi. He remembers his shape, his voice, his burning eyes. He remembers wanting to take his gloves off and bring his hand up to his cheek - just hold it there for a moment. He remembers wanting to rip him apart, enraged that he couldn't know him.

[He remembers kissing him. He remembers fighting him. He remembers everything.

[He hikes to the top of Starlight Cliff. The air is colder than he remembers. Wind whips up a breeze through ankle-high grass. Eren watches as streaks of red begin branching out from the end of the world.

[He turns to see the descending slope; watches until a familiar shadow comes into view.

[Their eyes will meet. And Eren will wait.]

[It's Eren.

A man changed by innumerable years in a broken world. Taller. Stronger. Massive in a way that mimics a personality of a once bold teenager with nothing to lose.

The second Eren left, Akechi stopped jogging up this hill entirely. Avoided the area because it was ultimately pointless to go through the effort of running, if it wasn't to solidify a false bond with an fake ally. He stopped because the action had become as worthless as a man that no longer had a place in his mind. That he no longer thought about. Whose memory was viciously pushed aside when strawberries came with his meal, when he was a little too out of breath from a bike ride, when he saw strands of black in the corner of his eye, when he played chess with shitty nobodies outside of a tavern.

He sees Eren and-

Fury is a sensation his body is accustomed to. The level of anger he feels-

In that second. Those seconds. In the silent moments that follow is unlike anything he's experienced in some time.

The asshole disappeared. Won. Escaped. Akechi doesn't blame him. Finds out pragmatic. Logical. Needed cruelty in the way a godlike entity ignores those left behind. It's necessary. He approved of it because those stupid enough to care need a reminder of how little it matters

It's seeing him now. Here. Returned in flesh, with a sort of abject apathy on his features, that makes him want to wrap his fingers around Eren's throat until he's begging for a death he'll never truly get.

Akechi stands there.

And then he doesn't. Strides forward and- ]

[Stops, an arms length away. Almost a threat. Almost an attack.

He stops and-

A demeanor shifts with practiced, effortless ease. Ire to calm. Discontent to ease.

He smiles - bright, fake and with a sweeping gesture of his hand toward the beautiful fucking view.]

The sun is quite bright this morning. My apologies - I almost mistook you for an acquaintance that was here some time ago. I thought to get a closer look, but it's somewhat irrelevant.

[A beat. A pause. He continues to stare down this walking nightmare, until he can't stand it anymore. Looks towards the cliff's edge and then back towards the path he took to get here.]

This is a lovely place to sightsee. I'm sure you'd like to continue it in private. Please ignore me - I'll be on my way.

[Maruki is going to be all over this shit. Akechi's ready to adjust their house rules.]

[It sounds like Akechi is apologizing for lighting up the world. He stares Eren in the faces and lies. A lot changes in four years - not so much in two weeks; even so, Eren feels cold rage in his heart, familiar to this particular dance. But he doesn't much feel like catering to Akechi's personal neuroses anymore.]

I haven't forgotten you. That's what you want, isn't it? Akechi.

Is that so? How fortunate.

[It doesn't matter if he does. Akechi's voice remains neutral, feigned smile plastered. Eren remembers. Whatever. He doesn't give a shit. ]

It can't be helped then. I didn't want you to feel compelled to speak because we were previously acquainted. Ah, well - of course I'm pleased to know you remember me, though it's a shame you were brought back.

[Akechi can't stand him. Shifts his body, adjusts his stance, lets a hand fall to his hip. ]

Nothing has changed. If you need help getting adjusted to the surroundings, feel free to contact me.

Nothing has changed.

You're right about that.

[Eren closes the distance between them; stops only when they're chest to chest.]

You haven't escaped me. You aren't fooling anyone. Certainly not yourself, Akechi.

I see time hasn't done your attitude any favors.

[Oh, he's not moving. Eren is close enough to strangle. To attack. To do anything and-

Akechi stands there - holds his ground. Smile waning, irritation apparent. ]

I don't know what you're implying - why would I want to escape an old friend? My, I couldn't be happier.

Isn't this embarrassing for you?

I already told you. You aren't fooling anyone. You never have.

[OH.

OKAY.]

You should be the one that's embarrassed. Not to be rude, of course. I'm simply comparing situations.

You leave all your little sycophants in disarray, cause messes for others to clean up and tore your way back to your own reality, only to fail at even staying there - what a disappointment.

Not to be rude, of course.

[Eren shoves him. It's light enough.]

Be rude. I'm curious what that's like.

[OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY OH OKAY.]

[Akechi would never shove him back - it's not the princely thing to do.

But he does place both hands against Eren's chest, and lightly pushes him backwards, so gently, so kindly. Get the fuck away from him.]

No. I wouldn't dream of being rude intentionally - that would be stooping to your level and I'm far above it.

[Eren reels back and decks him.]

[Eren fucking hits him and Akechi's first instinct is to unleash Loki until this asshole gets blasted back to his shitty fucking reality to die.

But Maruki tends to find him when his persona gets activated - it's not coincidence, likely an unspoken Azathoth power.

The hit bruises his cheek on impact. A copper taste. He bit his tongue a little and-

He lunges in a blind fury, and throws all his weight into Eren's stomach to try and force him to the ground.]

[Akechi doesn't know that Eren knows this hack. Akechi is thrown onto his back, and then Eren's knee is on his chest, full weight pinning him to the ground.]

There we go.

You're angry. I get it.

I missed you too.

[He's angry - so goddamn angry.

And his breath is knocked out of him, so it's impossible to really express that. Eren had him beat in physical strength prior to his four year gym membership kicking in. He's down. Eren's talking. Akechi's never hated him more.

It doesn't stop him from trying to push his knee off his body with angry huffs. Would try to dig his nails in, if gloves weren't blocking his way.]

I didn't miss you. I'm not mad - I'm always calm. I only retaliated against your sh-

[HE IS THRASHING. TRYING TO REACH FOR HIS THROAT. GET OFF!!!!!!!!]

Stop making assumptions and get off.

[Oh, he is huffy. Oh, his little lungs.]

[Like a scruffed kitten. Eren decides that he adores Akechi again, in that moment.

[Just one glimpse through the curtain, and he's taken again.]

Just me, then. I've never believed that.

Since you're calm, let's talk a while. I don't plan on leaving you alone.

[A mirror image to a moment when Akechi's body was holding Eren to the ground at the bottom of this very same cliff, on a rural dirt road.

His jaw hurts.]

I'm a captive audience for you, aren't I? Something I'm sure you enjoy. By all means - talk.

[His cheek aches and-

Akechi will wait a second. Two. Three and-

Try to punch Eren in the face.]

[Akechi's in a vulnerable position - that's putting it lightly, really. All Eren has to do is swing his head out of the way to avoid that punch, and then he's pressing down with more weight, grabbing at Akechi's hands and pinning them to the ground by his head.

[Thumbs stroke Akechi's palms.]

I didn't mean to leave you. Not yet, Akechi.

[Fantastic - this is a great fucking day.

Akechi can't breathe - only manages to do so when he stops squirming, pulling, tugging his way out of a gentle touch that doesn't belong between them.]

You're mistaken if you think that's where my ire lies. I was happy you left. Isn't that the goal?

[He ignores the thumbs on his palms - keeps hands steady and still. Resists the urge yet again to summon Loki to make a lunge at those fingers against his hand. As if Eren has the right to touch him like this.]

Let go.

[There's a weighted moment; it drags on. Eren stares down at Akechi, and he's just how he remembers. They were never meant for gentle touches, but Eren wishes that weren't true. He'd love to see Akechi smile, feel tender hands, listen to a contented voice. He wants this, his happiness.

[Wants to rage too; relents anyway, releasing Akechi's hands and shifting off of him. Eren stands. A battle may break out yet. Maybe one of them will be lucky enough to kill the other one - or lucky enough to die.]

It isn't the goal yet. I have another. You know that.

Where's your ire, then?

Edited (fun addition) 2024-10-03 00:46 (UTC)

[He knows.

Eren moves - Akechi follows, eager to pull himself up from the ground and back on neutral ground.

His arms cross over his chest, instinctively. Watches Eren's hands, his expression, everything. He won't be caught off guard again.]

That you came back. You were out - what were you thinking?

[It's not his fault - not entirely, but what's the point of proclaiming yourself a destroyer of worlds if he can't even fucking rip this one apart.]

I made a promise.

[It's as simple as that. Eren can't quite accept that he didn't return of his own volition - not necessarily out of pride so much as twisted, time-warped logic. He is the bender of Eldian reality - he himself is an Eldian. It only makes sense.

[And he did make that promise.]

And you're always one to commit to them, aren't you? How kind of you, Eren, to return to this false world for a whim.

[He's so fucking mad. Who gives a shit about promises, but-]

It feels pointless to ask, but I will for posterity - you don't have the ability to leave or solve this problem now, do you?

Not yet. [His Founder ability is barred from him once again, but there's no telling if that's due to this reality, or to his brother's absence from it.]

For posterity [With a subtle, upward, mocking tone.], you don't either, right?

Our [Our.] battle continues.

[ It continues, as always.

There's a part of Akechi that's more disappointed than he's ever been and one that longs to continue.

He doesn't want someone else to destroy this reality. Wants to rip it apart himself, piece by piece. Unravel the injustice that stole his dream and replaced it with a false wish.]

What a disappointment.

[But that's it. That's all. Eren's back, from war, from death, from an oceans of blood. Everything else is the same. Nothing changed. Akechi stretches his arms out in front of him, glances back at Eren and-]

I'm sure Maruki-san and Aubrey are eager to see you. They're sentimental enough to want a discussion of your time away.

[He isn't. Doesn't. Eren's only value is as a resource to be used.]

But I'll expect you tomorrow, in front of my door, first thing in the morning. I'm sure you could use the exercise after so much time away.

Tomorrow. Sure. But I'm not done with you yet.

I'll see Aubrey when our time together is through. You know how it works.

We've only just reached the summit. Let's go to our chess game.

Of course, though-

[There is a chessboard in the Machiya and it would be far more comfortable to play in the confines of that space. Watch Eren. Relearn and assess.

Then ignore him. He only needs facts. New details. He'll play a part today and during their jogs. Keep him at a distance beyond that.]

We'll play somewhere different, if you don't mind.

[That new place they've moved into, Eren assumes. Akechi probably doesn't realize he's already been there, unless Maruki told him.

[Or Akechi could be taking him out to the woods to kill each other. Eren wouldn't mind either one.

[He merely nods.]

[They saw each other every day. Eren remembers. As time went on, more and more people disappeared. They saw each other every day, and every day began to feel like it would be the last time. Parting could take hours, swords discarded early because they knew it would be too hard to say goodbye. Eren wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to swing at her. The first time he kissed her, he told her that one day, one of them would wake up, and the other wouldn't be there anymore. That was true. He also told her that he wouldn't forget that kiss. That was true too.

[A lot has happened. If Somnius changed Eren irrevocably, then his true reality did even worse. He had been so quick to insist that he had lived it, truly lived it in the Labyrinth.

[He's really lived it now. He wouldn't blame Aubrey if she didn't even recognize him, but he suspects she'll look the same. Apparently, it's only been a couple of weeks.

[He waits at their training grounds at dawn - not the training grounds at the farm, but theirs. This is where his memory took him. If she'd be anywhere, she'd be here. He doesn't believe that she'd just stop fighting.]

[It’s been an eternity; it’s been no time at all. Days pass in a blur, and every minute takes years. That’s how it feels. In a quiet, mundane way, Aubrey’s used to it—knows this map well—will never be used to it.

[She misses Eren, and he’s not there. Falls asleep waiting for him to come back; wakes up hoping he never will. Keeps moving. Sets up the training grounds for no one, and—

[He’s there.

[It is deathly silent, at this hour. The sun has barely woken up; birds have learned to avoid this area again. There’s no place for them among the noise. In some parts of some realities, they ought to be flying south this time of year; they belong there; that’s where they’re meant to be.

[And then they come back.

[He’s taller. Sadder, somehow. Those same green eyes on a boy, a wolf; a young man, now, too young. The future he’s seen is in the past.]

Eren.

[It’s the end of the world.]

Eren....

[Aubrey lunges for him. Doesn’t think twice. Throws her arms around a ghost. She never wants to let go again.]

[Some young relief. He remembers when he sees her, how much he feared her rejection. Aubrey was an average girl from an average place, but she could slash Eren like nobody else, merely by turning away.

[To say that she seemed happy to see him wouldn't be true. There is only grief, when it comes to Eren, but at least he's here. At least he can curl his arms back around her, slow, loose. He may have forgotten how to hold someone, in all that time.

[A hand comes up to rest on the top of her head. He minds the bow.]

Aubrey...

[His. Hands weave through soft pink hair. There's no one else who has this scent.]

[Far as Aubrey can tell, he hasn’t forgotten a thing. He curls back. That’s enough.

[She squeezes him, tight; doesn’t release. She’d said she wouldn’t drag him back; stands by that, loves him all the same—feels weak enough to fall, all over again.

[It’s his voice.]

Did… [Her heart’s in her throat. He can’t have wanted to come back. Couldn’t....] Did you fly?

[The question makes Eren's limbs feel heavy. He wants to pull them both to the ground. It's a miserable question. He only ever could fly the height of a five-meter sky. It was always an illusion.

[He knows what she's asking, though, he thinks. That, or maybe this is just an easier answer.]

I lived my life through to its end.

This is what's left now. [Aubrey, in his arms, like she should be. He can't bring himself to find it a good thing. It's something, though.]

I won't leave again until the fight is done. [He's tired.]

[“I lived my life through to its end.” The weight sinks. It’s over. It’s never over. He won’t leave again—until.

[He can’t rest. He’s so young....

[Aubrey reaches for his face. There are other questions, somewhere. Timelines. Too-powerful forces. Futures of bloodshed and disparate histories of grief. In their old and hallowed training ground—they don’t not matter, but…

[She thumbs over Eren’s cheek, tracing lines that aren’t there. Has to lean up to kiss him, now, more than before. That’s alright. As long as Eren’s here, Aubrey will be with him, too—wants to be....]

[He waited so long for this kiss - for Aubrey's kiss.

[She doesn't realize how remarkable it is, he doesn't think. Aubrey worried over others and their affections. They talked about it, but Eren never left feeling as though she understood. She is not Mikasa - she is not any of them. She stumbled in from the Enchanted Garden and enchanted him. They were always meant for this.

[The kiss is warm; Eren is capable. Broad hands cup her face, slide to her shoulders, back up to the base of her skull.

[He loves her desperately. He has.]

I'm selfish. [He murmurs this against her lips.] You're still here. I'm glad...

[Eren has aggravated Aubrey before; infuriated, even. Feels like lifetimes ago now. It didn’t last; couldn’t.

[She can’t imagine ever being upset with him again. That won’t last, either. She doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter. Eren says he’s glad, and he doesn’t smile anymore, and Aubrey believes him.]

Then… I’m selfish, too. [He doesn’t want to be here. It’s what’s left. Aubrey’s hands slide back, around his neck, over his nape; he’s held her there before. The impulse is secondhand; there all the same.] I missed you....

[The nape really is a special place for a titan shifter. Eren is not human, but the impulse feels human. It's the closest thing to safety that he knows. It makes his head fall heavy, cheek pressing up against Aubrey's eyes falling closed. He lifts his hand and covers her nape as well, though it won't matter.

[She missed him. He misses her every time they part. He would have said so, back then. Maybe he should now. He's gotten so terrible with words, with opening his heart, if there's any heart left beating at all.

[He nudges his nose into her cheek.]

Aubrey. Stay with me tonight...

[She doesn’t have to think twice. Aubrey nods into the crook of Eren’s neck.

[It’s barely daybreak. They could stay here forever, she thinks, as the sky rolls by, breathing each other in. It wouldn’t waste a second.

[But she won’t worry Sunny. And she can’t be the only one Eren’s returning to. A self-serving thought, that Aubrey might be one of the first, but… hell. It was every day.]

Tonight, and… [Her fingers curl around the base of his skull, lightly stroking.] Morning, too. [One way or another.]

[She agrees. Eren used to ramble endlessly, thoughtlessly - about anything, even when he didn't understand what he was trying to say.

[It's so difficult now to use words when they haven't been recited, rehearsed, steeled into something cold and false. He doesn't want to give Aubrey cold, false.

[Some impulse overcomes him. The only warning is the slow ease with which he stoops down, hooks his arms beneath her thighs, and lifts her up until he's holding her, as effortless as picking up a ten-pound housecat.

[He'll let her cling - legs, arms, all of her. She can hold him truly and completely, and he'll support the weight. He wishes he could say the words, "I love you," but they still in his throat.

[He holds her tight, close, with a strong arm beneath, and the other around, hand gripping the back of her head.

[Whispers:] How could I ever walk away? [Then, now - how could he ever?]

[Despite the warning of his ease, it’s a surprise. For all that’s happened, he still wants to carry her. Eren asks how he could ever walk away, and Aubrey’s reminded acutely that she’s so often been the one turning away from him. Is that giving up or letting go?

[For now, she holds on to him. Maybe the rest doesn’t matter. He’s here now, and he’ll go when the fight is done, and they don’t have a breath left to waste.

[Aubrey can’t answer with anything they don’t already know, so she kisses him again. Slow. Indulgent, maybe. Wraps her legs around his waist and clings, parting with a soft] I love you.

[I’ll miss you.]

So much…

[Eren breathes in Aubrey's words. It's been so long since he said them himself. What comes instead is a whispered:]

I do...

[Because he does. He loves her desperately, painfully, wretchedly. It can't go unspoken. He offers that soft assurance again - I do - whispered between melancholy kisses.

[He's not particularly concerned with any audience they might have. It's early enough that there aren't that many people around. It's easy enough to shift Aubrey into his arms like a bride and start walking toward the farm. She's not the type that needs to be carried, really, but he doesn't want to let go.]

[When Eren and Thorfinn first met, Eren decided at once that they were the same. He doesn't know if he believes that anymore. He saw in Thorfinn what he wanted to be when he was only fifteen. He was never that person - always this person. He knows himself less now than he ever has, now that he understands everything.

[Thorfinn isn't Eren. He's special. He needs more than he asks for. He always does the best that he can. He aches. If Eren had a heart left, he'd like to think it would be like Thorfinn's. That was probably never the case.

[He can have that heart, though. He can listen to it beat. He's barely arrived on the farm when he starts searching. They all lived here together here - Jean and Subaru too.

[He finds Thorfinn by the pond. Eren's surprised to see it - he'd forgotten. Less surprised to find the small man beside it.

[There isn't much to say. He needs as much explanation as anyone. It's been four long years. He isn't the same Eren that Thorfinn remembers.

[Still:]

Thorfinn.

[ Thorfinn is on his feet with his hands on his daggers before he actually turns around, before he registers the sound of Eren's voice. It's the same, but it isn't.

There's no passion there, not like before.

But he does know that voice, a voice he thought he'd never hear again. The voice of a dead man (if only he really knew, but he never did).

He stares for a long moment. In another life, he'd bitch about Eren getting even taller. In another life, he'd scream and throw a punch and accuse him of leaving on purpose.

The war seeped into their bones and afterwards the world was back to normal.

But Eren was gone.

He can't even be angry. Some cuts go too deep, and Thorfinn has lived on the edge of emptiness all his life. He has no idea how to deal with loss. He had no idea how to deal with the knowledge that Eren almost certainly went home to die. So he just didn't deal with it, not really. That's just how he is.

All that pain still has nowhere to go. ]

Eren. You're…

[ Older. Taller. Different. Empty. ]

You came back.

[Sometimes, Eren finds himself thinking that Thorfinn is a frightful creature. He's ready to attack, and that isn't a bad thing; still, Eren finds himself thinking this.

[Just as quickly, he's stunned, left half-speechless. They loved each other. Eren still does. He knows that, at least.

[Eren wants to reach; he's forgotten how.]

Four years, I think. For me. [He flicks idly at the back of his own ear.] It feels like more. [To put it lightly.]

[ Which of them is really the frightful creature here? Though Thorfinn remains unafraid of Eren. Thorfinn is hard to scare, though. He'd be dead otherwise. He just shoves his fear away with everything else until it burns into anger.

He's still not angry now, though. He almost wants to be. Anger is an old, familiar friend. He wears it differently after being in Somnius so long, even with the war. ]

Four years?

[ That sounds impossible. But he knows other people are from other points in time, and he knows… ]

Are you a draugr?

[ He realises Eren might not know that word. ]

A…a ghost. Are you a ghost?

[ That's not exactly the same thing, but he's not sure how else to ask. He knows Eren dies in the future. His revenge succeeds but he dies for it. Jean told Thorfinn Eren got to die in battle, but even without knowing the whole situation, that no longer seems like a good thing to Thorfinn.

Death is still just death, and Valhalla sounds like a lot like hell. He loves Eren too much to wish hell on him. (He loves his father too much for that, too, but he can't let go of his revenge, hypocrisy and all.) ]

You remember me.

[ That isn't a question, but the space between them feels impossible to cross. Eren was younger than him by a couple years and is now older than him by a year. What the hell. ]

Did you make a new wish?

[Thorfinn has many questions. Eren can't blame him. His tone remains even, dull; he recites with no attachment to his words.]

I died, but my heart is still beating. I'm not sure what that makes me now. My wish hasn't changed. [The power to destroy my enemies. Eren came to regret it almost instantly - wondered if Vaeros was, in part, to blame for the future he feared so greatly.

[It doesn't matter anymore. The reality has changed, and the enemy has changed. He will succeed.]

I'm sure that's no surprise to you.

And no, I didn't forget you. [Quieter, just marginally:] I told you that I wouldn't.

[ Eren says I died like it's nothing, like it doesn't matter. Thorfinn's eyebrows knit together. He's finally close to angry. Death is death, after all. Knowing it happens to everyone doesn't make it mean nothing.

He can't imagine death means nothing, especially Eren's death, because he loves Eren. Thorfinn can sometimes admit that the senseless death that happens in war still matters. The dead are still dead, some of them robbed of life too soon, some of them (like his father) denied the Valhalla they longed for. ]

How can you say it like you don't care? I knew you would die if you went home! And you knew too! And I…

[ Thorfinn doesn't have words for mourned. Eren hasn't been gone all that long, and Thorfinn does not know how to mourn, how to grieve. All he knows how to do is get pissed off, turn violence on others, find revenge.

He couldn't do any of that with Eren gone. He just ran away from everyone until Maruki sought him out.

Of course he's not really surprised that Eren's wish never changed. Eren seems strange and distant now, but isn't he Eren? Hadn't he come here to find Thorfinn now that he was back?

Thorfinn has never been very free with his affection, not even with Eren. He had been denied touch for most of his life, aside from fighting. It isn't that he doesn't want to.

So he crosses the distance between them, even if he can't bridge the rift as easily, and reaches for Eren like they had before the war, like they had before Eren's war. Eren is so much taller now and Thorfinn can't even resent it. As long as he's actually here, it doesn't matter.

He buries his face against Eren's chest — broader, stronger maybe, than it was before. ]

I don't want you to be dead.

[Even once Eren realized himself - after the Labyrinth, when he lived that terrible future - he never could tell Thorfinn. For everyone he's known - in his true reality, in this reality - there's only ever been one person that he felt truly understood.

[Some sins are impossible to live with. The weight is too great. It wasn't a matter of wanting to die. It was the impossibility of continuing to live. He feels it now. His mind is a dizzying slurry of lifetimes' worth of memories. He wasn't meant to continue on. He wants to rest. He still wants to rest.

[Thorfinn closes the distance, and Eren still can't tell him that dying had been part of his plan. Now isn't the time. Thorfinn reaches for him.

[Thorfinn doesn't reach for anyone. Eren wraps his arms tight around him, overcome at the sudden permission to touch. He clutches the back of the boys head, holding him firmly to his chest. He's so much smaller than Eren now. Eren's always felt protective.

[There are no words of comfort for something like this, really. Eren is dead. Nothing can change that now, and he doesn't want anything to. What he can say, at least:]

While I'm here, you don't have to worry about that.

I'm not finished here. I won't leave again until that choice is mine to make.

[ Thorfinn suppresses so much of his own memory — accidentally, the way trauma works, not through some insane orchestration like someone — in order to keep going. It could really break him, the weight of it all, and he's never going to carry anything like what Eren does.

This place has had the opposite effect, though. He's emotionally much stronger after being here, after making connections to other people — Eren, Loki, Maruki, Dolph — who treated him as a person.

He hits one closed fist against Eren's chest, but there's no weight to it. There could be; Thorfinn is anything but weak. But he's not fighting, just…nudging. ]

Maruki said you'd come back. I thought he was just saying it to try to make me feel better. People tell themselves lies like that.

[ He's heard the way that people talk when they've lost things, when they've lost people, homes, everything, anything. His own self-talk isn't much better, convincing himself he was strong enough to take on Askeladd long before he was. Maybe technically he could be now, if he'd learn to think amidst a fight. If only he'd learn to stop getting pissed off whenever that bastard pushes his buttons. ]

You don't have to lie to me, too. You don't have to tell me you'll stay. It's not up to us.

[ Just like death and war, he thinks. He's used to being used, though he won't see it that way. He's used to a lack of agency, choices made only to survive. He thought this place was different, maybe, but look how that turned out. ]

It's enough that you're here today.

[Of course Maruki would spend Eren's time away comforting those that had lost him. Maruki's own loss was massive. Knowing his friend, he doubts he was given the same treatment, or that he asked for it.

[But he vouched for Eren's return, and he was right. Eren is right too. He knows that he is. He wouldn't have returned for no reason - he's convinced himself quite easily that that was his own choice too. He has unfinished business.

[It isn't time to rest yet.]

Maruki said that I'd come back, and he was right. You just said so yourself. [He murmurs this between them.]

You should trust, now, that he knew. For the same reasons he did, trust that I do. There's a lot you don't know, Thorfinn.

I will decide when it's time to go.

[ Thorfinn isn't sure what he believes. He hasn't heard of anyone disappearing and coming back years later, so…in a way, that lends credence to what Maruki had said then and Eren says now.

But if he could choose to be here, why can't they all choose to leave?

Thorfinn doesn't entirely want to leave, but that's not really the point. He has to go home and finish what he started, even though the taste of revenge is no longer a good one. ]

There's a lot lots of people don't know.

[ He's a little defensive, but he doesn't seek out information the way some people do. He doesn't care about all of that. That's for smart people. He knows he's not all that smart, but it doesn't matter. He's a capable warrior, and what else would there ever be? ]

But I believe you. I guess. That you won't leave unless you want to. Tell me before you do.

[ He would never ask Eren to stay, even if he wants to. He can't go that far. But he can at least ask for a damn warning. ]

[It will all depend on so much. Whatever actions he ends up taking against those in charge, at this point, he'll guarantee that his loved ones are safe, but there's no guaranteeing that this reality will stay intact. He's not quite ready to pass that information along. He doesn't think Thorfinn would understand what he's trying to do. They made a promise to defeat Vaeros together, yes, and that can still be true, but there are very few that Eren has entrusted with deeper intentions. All that being said, there's no scenario in which Thorfinn wouldn't be informed that something would be about to happen.]

I will. [Voice quiet, steady. He pulls away enough to look at Thorfinn, arms still around him.]

For the time being...you don't have to worry about that.

[ Thorfinn could probably never understand all of Eren's goals, the things he had done and why he'd done them. Thorfinn didn't have anything to protect until coming here, and who would agree with decimating the entire world anyway? As for Somnius, Thorfinn hesitates to make this place disappear if it means that people who are alive here would be dead again.

Dolph. Eren. They can't be the only ones.

But he can't stay here, either. Though something in him feels twisted up when he thinks about Askeladd dying, that's still the only thing he has ever lived for. He promised not to let go of that revenge, and he hasn't, even half-knowing that on the other side of it is hollow and blank.

But defeating Vaeros, getting answers? Of course he still wants that. ]

Okay.

[ He holds on for a moment longer, but he's never been the clingy type. He doesn't know how to channel his grief and his anger and his loneliness into anything. So he lets go and shoves a little, something easier to do, not quite playful. ]

Why do you keep getting taller.

[Eren is shoved. It makes him want to pick Thorfinn up and carry him inside.

[He doesn't. He doesn't mess around like that anymore. Things are taken too seriously. He's forgotten how to act like a friend, a partner, someone worth calling family.

[He steps away and tucks his hands into the pockets of his coat, looking down at Thorfinn.]

Kanoa asked me the same question. I don't have to explain that legs grow to you, do I?

[ Thorfinn notices there's some difference in Eren. He chalks it up to four years passing, to war. He knows how war can change things.

(He has no idea what happened to Eren, how off he is.) ]

I know legs grow! Whatever. In four years I'll be taller than you anyway.

[ He sounds like a petulant child about it. He's longed to be tall like his father, refusing to accept that he can't be. But ultimately it's a deflection from everything else, from Eren's disappearance, from his reappearance and his changed demeanour. ]

Sure...[Not said teasingly, really - idly, more so. His eyes begin to wander, distant. There's more to be done now - ever more to be done.]

Thorfinn...

[He turns back to face the man.]

I'll have to go for a while. I'll see you later, won't I?

[ Thorfinn frowns for a second. He's not sure what to make of that distance, the way Eren looks away. ]

Yeah. As long as we're both still here, you'll see me.

I will be. [Quiet; tired, maybe. He turns back to Thorfinn and takes his hand - fiddles with the fingers.

[He leans in to take a kiss - seems to remember halfway through what kissing someone he loves feels like, then takes Thorfinn's face in both of his hands and deepens that kiss.

[Eren's love never dies, never diminishes. It only grows more terrible.

[When they break:]

Tonight, then.

Edited 2024-11-01 22:14 (UTC)

[It feels impossible to face him; has for a long time, but Eren's gotten used to doing impossible things. What he and Levi feared more than anything has, indeed, come to pass. The Eren that stands at his front door is the only Eren there ever was or ever could be. There's no denying that now.

[The last he remembers Levi, he was hunting Eren with a broken body. He can't quite remember how he left him here. He remembers other things; tear-choked voices, and an embrace in a quiet kitchen. Levi wrapped his arms around Eren. He was loved.

[There was grief then, and there's grief now. He doesn't think either of them believed they could stop the inevitable, but, perhaps, delay it. As ever, as always, Eren is prepared for Levi to cast him away. There is no way for him to pretend that he's anything like the boy he last saw. Eren never could blame Levi, in his mind, for hating him.

[But he comes to see him. He wants to see him. He owes him that. He knows.

[They never had their goodbye.

[Eren knocks on the door.]

Edited 2024-10-10 03:50 (UTC)

After a year in this place, Levi has learned that the only thing he can count on in this place is the ebb and flow of particularly fucked up, stressful events that manage to string themselves together right in a row. Unfortunately, there's no predicting when calm will suddenly turn to chaos, and while it's not as though he's unused to extreme stress or violent things happening without warning, that hardly means he's unaffected.

Frankly, he's fucking worn out.

So Jean's message that Eren is gone coming on the heels of the latest round of fuckery just adds to the pile.

Unlike his last few rounds of losses, however, he can't help but notice how much more complicated it feels. Maybe it shouldn't be surprising, given what he'd learned; the realization that Eren is on an immutable path. Still, Levi recognizes that part of him is relieved in addition to the sorrow. But even that is complicated, too. Sorrow at losing him, sorrow at knowing what he'll go on to do, sorrow at knowing the only solution will be killing him.

The sudden emptiness of that bond still hurts. It feels different from losing Hange, from gaining the memories of Erwin's death. He can't help but think of Mikasa, both of them now like empty threads dangling in the wind, frayed ends like something's been cut loose.

In the following days, Levi rides to the farm to help look after Elke. Jean could probably manage, but he has less to do for the moment. The tea shop is open sporadically, at once providing distraction but also making him feel a little too confined without enough help to keep it open all day. But making sure Elke is taken care of...feels about like the only thing he can do.

It's a blessedly quiet day when there's a knock at the door. He's left Erwin to mind the shop for a few hours, just needing some time to himself, although the cottage quickly feels too...empty, too quiet. All of his life, there's always been some sort of din of humanity around him. But when he's by himself in their own dwelling it almost feels...lifeless. What will he do when Erwin leaves, too?

(Because, inevitably, he'll probably be the only one to remain here, too.)

So the unannounced visitor is a welcome interruption. Levi pads softly to the door in his slippers, a cup of half-finished tea on the table, and opens the door.

It takes half a heartbeat before recognition kicks in, and then suddenly it's like an icy stone dropping through his chest into the very pit of his stomach. Surprise is evident on his face, gray eyes wide, lips faintly parted. Realization slides like cold water down the back of his neck.

This is not the same Eren he'd seen last. Just as he feels something once again on the other end of that bond, Levi feels the gulf widen even more. Does it stretch beyond that footbridge they'd built before, right here in this very room?

Had it reached its limit even before he'd gone?

Stunned silence stretches for a time even he can't account for, and the longer it goes, the sicker he feels - grief, loss, anger starting to churn violently, confronted with the very thing he'd never wanted to happen.

Eventually, Levi swallows tightly, and drawls out: "What's the matter, Eren? Couldn't get enough of this weirdass place? Had to go and grow a few more inches? Not like you needed them."

[It seems that neither of them know quite how to act. Eren might have expected that. He's gotten too good at wearing a mask when he's uncertain. That cold stone sinking in Levi is founded; there's nothing warm about the way Eren stands, stares.

[Inside, his emotions are a storm. Levi is in one piece again, and Eren, having somehow pushed his cowardice aside, is standing on his doorstep. The man he'd come to consider family doesn't appear happy to see him, but, of course, he wouldn't be. Eren can't blame him for that. He can't blame any one of them.

[Still, that chasm stands between the both of them, wider than it's ever been. Eren has not earned the right to stand before his hero; all the same, he sees no point in hiding. Feels no real intimidation like he might have before, only...shame, which he's well-equipped to swallow.

[His voice is even. It betrays nothing.]

I hadn't intended to leave yet. I couldn't control returning, either, of course. [He thinks he could. He thinks he has. But he won't tell Levi that.]

Things have changed. If you want me to leave you alone, I'll do that.

Still...

I wanted to see you. Levi.

Even before his disappearance, there had been hints of this. Jean had confirmed it for him. But even knowing where it was headed, seeing glimpses of it, still doesn't prepare him for the coldness in the person in front of him. It's such a stark contrast to the brat he'd first met in a cell, the fiery passion that had first caught his eye, the free-flowing of his emotions no matter what they were.

Maybe part of him had envied that. Admired it, even. Not just of Eren, but all of them, who'd seen so much of the horrors of their world. Seeing it seemingly extinguished is nearly like looking at a corpse; the Eren he thought he knew, the brat who'd once looked to him for guidance and reassurance, is long since gone.

Captain no longer. Just Levi.

He wonders what he really looks like, to this Eren. Those four years of memories now the greatest measure of that rift. Levi feels oddly isolated, left behind. More than ever, that amorphous span of time seems like a fiery abyss with nothing but pain to swallow him, hope scant on the other side.

And for what?

It hurts in a way he's never quite felt before. If he'd thought he'd accepted the inevitability of what Eren would become no matter what he tried, no matter how much Levi could try to turn him otherwise, in this moment he realizes that he never really had. Grief is a roiling wave within him, scrolled with sorrow that he couldn't do more, the reality of what Eren is and the fucking tragedy of it all. The horrendous loss that gets inflicted on the world.

It's agonizing.

He doesn't question why Eren wanted to see him; the orphan child in him understands.

Levi stares back at him, lips drawn into a severe frown, brow furrow against the pain. His hands slowly curl into fists, but otherwise he hasn't moved. Any casual passerby might think they were having a calm conversation, but his limbs are tense and tight.

"Things have changed," he echoes back, stomach twisting at what that means. "So you've finally done it, is that it?"

That's right.

[Detached, hollow; what else is there to say? They all know what's come to pass, what will.

[And he won't apologize. It wouldn't matter, wouldn't solve, wouldn't bring the world back. He's said it all before, anyway.

[Furthermore, it wouldn't be the whole truth. There are things Eren is sorry about, but to pretend he'd do anything other than what he chose to do again and again and again would only be an insult.

[There's already enough he'll have to lie to Levi about. But he came here with the intention of being as honest as he can.

[He awaits Levi's response; gives nothing else. He half expects to be punched in the face or worse. That's fine. He deserves it. Maybe Levi will finally admit that he hates him, the way Eren's been expecting for almost a year.

[It would rip him apart. He deserves that too.]

It's the emptiness that tips him over the edge to anger.

The kick is faster than the eye can follow. Unlike every other time, Levi unleashes his full, unrestrained strength in the blow. The only mercy he affords is that it connects with the softer meat of Eren's stomach rather than his ribs, which would have shattered on impact. It sends Eren flying off of the doorstep and back into their neatly tended front garden, his landing perhaps cushioned a bit by a bushy evergreen.

Levi kicks off his other slipper and steps after him, barefoot. His blood is pounding in his veins, and he can feel the violent, fugue-like fury simmering under his skin.

All of the lives sacrificed because of Eren, to protect him, to escape him; their comrades, people Levi loved, people who had nothing to do with either of them. He sees Hange burn, Petra, Oluo, Eld, and Gunther's bodies broken and dangling. So many others, and those he can't even imagine because he doesn't fucking know everything that's happened yet.

Not that it matters. There's no accounting or atoning for what he's done, even if the brat wanted to.

Levi stalks after him, footsteps light and deadly. Eren might not fear him as he once did, but it's just as well. He'll heal.

"Would've gone for your head, for old time's sake," he growls lowly. "But would've had t'jump for it."

[There's really nothing else in the world like one of Levi's kicks. Eren is sent flying on his ass, all of the breath forced out of his lungs. Even his mask has to crack. He grips his gut, eyes shifting to look up at Levi.

[Breath is sucked back in. He stares at his former captain.]

Keep going.

[His breath is ragged. His body heals fast, but not fast enough to dull those sharp bursts of pain. He doesn't move to stand back up.]

You're angry. Go ahead. I get it.

Gray eyes narrow, lips curling.

"Yeah, bet you'd like that," he sneers, looking down at Eren. Perhaps there's a hint of something real there, but the brat seems determined to stay locked on the other side of his pathetic attempt to egg him on.

"'f I'm being honest, I would too. Would like nothing more than to kick you around until all your shitty teeth fall out and then wait for them to regrow and do it all over again." He begins to pace slowly around him, grass soft beneath his feet.

"Maybe I could just pull every fucking pathetic bone from your body and grind you into dust over and over again, since you'll just fucking come back every time while we're here."

When he reaches Eren's head, he stops. The anger is still visible in his gaze, but so is that pain and anguish and disappointment.

"Unfortunately for both of us, I have more important things to do than to spend all my time being the tool of whatever punishment you think you deserve."

[Levi's words are vicious. He recalls more tender ones. Somewhere among all the chaos, there is nearly a year's worth of memories in this place. Levi ceased to be his Captain and became something else. Eren felt a connection between them that he'd never even considered possible.

[It's clear that that's been shattered. He won't show his face again. He isn't entitled to Levi's affection. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't fault Levi for any of this. And he won't insert himself into his life.

[So, he just waits. There's not one word he could say as a balm. There's not one move he could make to bridge this gap. Levi hates him. He should. It's what Eren always expected.

[Slumped over, sitting on his ass in the garden. If Levi has more to say, Eren will let him have it. If not, he'll start to stand. He can't help but brace himself to be kicked back down.]

Levi hasn't forgotten, and he isn't done. If he was truly severing himself from Eren, he'd turn around and walk away, leave him to his own moping or whatever the hell this display is meant to be.

"Get up," he snaps. "Even when you were a sobbing, snotty brat you weren't this fucking pathetic."

Because while it would feel good to beat the shit out of something and ease some of the pressure that's been building for weeks now, Eren simply allowing it like some kind of damned martyr immediately erased all appeal. Like fuck is he going to give him the satisfaction of feeling that pain when he asks for it. Not after what he did.

For what?

He waits until Eren gets to his full height, and glowers at him, arms crossed over his chest. An audible muttering under his breath sounds like something about all of the brats getting so damned tall.

"You said you wanted to see me, so if you've got something t'say, spit it out."

[It is pathetic. He knows it is. It isn't a display, though. He's simply at a loss. All of the emotions that raged inside of Eren before still do now, just numbed, easier to control. He stands up when Levi asks. He can't give him the response he's looking for, though. He doesn't know what that is.

[Would it have been better not to come at all? Eren didn't have anything to say. He needed to make himself known and accept whatever consequence that brought.

[No one could blame Levi for thinking that Eren's intentions are ill, but they aren't.]

I wanted to see you.

That's all.

The almost empty answer catches him in a crux of complex feelings once again. Little had ever been simple about Eren's existence in his life. It seems that nothing ever will be, now.

For a reason without much purpose, Levi feels confused and off guard, yet not even so very far beneath the surface understands perhaps better than most. Despite the unforgivable thing that he's done, Eren still sought him out...perhaps for what he assumes to be the last time, perhaps knowing he could be met with scorn and rejection and the power of Levi's fury. Given what they've become, transcending captain and subordinate, it seems to almost particularly twist them together even more.

He understands. But it's not enough to overcome everything else. Not now.

Levi just looks at him, expression hard and unchanging, but there's an old, bottomless ache in his eyes, and a question he's never been able to understand:

"Couldn't you have just not trampled the whole fucking world?"

[Eren stares at Levi for a long time. The changes in his expression are microscopic - a tightening of the lips, and a pulse in his throat when he clenches his jaw.

[There's no way to answer that question. It could never satisfy them. They could never understand. Eren can't blame them for that.

[The answer is "no". There was no other scenario in which Eren did not destroy eighty percent of humanity. A thousand lifetimes and a thousand more timelines, and Eren never could bring about another result.

[As soon as he held that power, there was nothing more that could be done.

[What's more, he wanted to.

[But there's no use in saying so. What's done is done. He doesn't expect to be forgiven. It's time to walk away.]

I'll leave now. I won't interfere beyond this.

[Let that be that. He does turn to go. His words are true. He has no intention of making himself an unwanted presence in Levi's life. Levi is content here. Let him be.

[Eren's lost the right to cherishing their time.]

No, he'll never understand. It isn't just because he hasn't lived it, those missing four years, that last struggle - it's because to Levi, it's a simple fucking decision. There's no justification for it and never would be, no reason that could ever convince him that such horrific loss of life on that scale is necessary. Sometimes people died because shitty things happen beyond their control, and other times there's definite, definitive sources of blame, decisions that led them there, that people made knowingly.

He doesn't understand the fucked up circumstances, but even if someone could explain it to him, Levi still doesn't believe in this sort of "inevitability" when there had been a choice no to.

The subtle shifts in Eren's expression don't go unnoticed, but when he still gives him nothing and starts to leave, that anger flares to life all over again.

The flash of gray eyes is all the warning he gives before he strikes out with his foot again, kicking Eren's shin out from under him and driving his knee into his chest when he buckles, feeling ribs crack.

"I didn't fucking say you could go," he hisses, looming darkly. "Why the fuck did you do it, Eren? What did you think it would accomplish? Could your puny brain not wrap itself around anything else?" No answer would absolve him, but Levi wants to hear it anyway. Another kick and a heel planted to one shoulder pushes Eren onto his back, holds him down as Levi leans down to glare menacingly. There's nothing but rage and pain in his chest now as he stares into a face older and so changed than he last knew. Bring him back, part of him wants to scream, mourning.

Instead he just waits, tense with fury, fists clenched so hard his hands ache, to see if Eren will just deny him again.

[This is beginning to feel like a waste of time for both of them.

[It's gotten easy to slip into the familiar safety of a cold disposition. Levi sends Eren to the ground and pins him down. Aside from some initial surprise - perhaps a grunt or two of effort - Eren doesn't react. He stares up at Levi with two hollow pits as eyes.

[There's what he deserves, and then there's what his pride will tolerate. He won't cower away from Levi as if he were still a child. He's a different kind of coward these days.]

No answer I could give you would satisfy. We both know that.

[Those cracked ribs are already binding themselves back together. It's uncomfortable.]

It's like I told you. When you're finished, we'll part ways. [No, actually. His ribs are ripping themselves back apart--]

You'll be free of me, so let go.

Levi stares back. For a long moment, he can't even speak, despair and anger and grief a violent vortex.

Let go.

He doesn't know how.

But he can't hold on like this, either.

How do you reconcile love with this?

It feels as though his own ribs are breaking open.

After a time that both feels like minutes and only seconds, Levi silently shifts back, stepping away.

But with a fierce grunt of anger, more blows follow. He thinks of Hange, of Petra and Oluo and Eld and Gunther, of Erwin returning without an arm, of those moments on the rooftop, of Nifa, of Moblit, and so many others. Maybe Eren hadn't been directly responsible for all of them, but for most, it was close enough. They had sacrificed their lives believing he was their hope, and for what?

In truth it doesn't last long. A couple of vicious kicks, further breaking ribs and puncturing organs; Levi grabs a fistful of hair and delivers a swift punch to Eren's face, perhaps fracturing part of his skull or even destroying an eye. On the last blow, there's an audible crack as the bones in his bare foot splinter. The last glare he gives Eren, it's difficult to say how much of his grimace is from the physical pain, or from disgust.

Finally finished and trembling, he turns, wordlessly, and limps back toward the door of his cottage, leaving Eren to heal his wounds in the garden.

[He must look just like a corpse, lying in the garden in a steaming heap. He looks like the undead when he pushes himself up, teeth bared and gritting, an eye hanging from its socket. Eren carelessly does away with it.

[To say that Levi's reaction was unexpected wouldn't exactly be true. Eren understood that there would be consequences. Damaging a few organs and breaking a repairable nose can't begin to come close to what Eren's done to Levi. He can't fault him for it. He doesn't.

[No anger. No wrath.

[Emptiness, clawing; grief, overwhelming. It wasn't foolish hope that led him here, nor was it duty. It was a scene in a cottage where two soldiers embraced. Eren would have called Levi his family to anyone that asked. Whether you are robbed of something or sell it yourself, does it not create an absence? Eren doesn't expect forgiveness.

[He doesn't expect anything.

[It's a unique Hell to grieve the living. That's a balanced punishment too, Eren thinks.]

[When Kanoa comes to mind, Eren feels nearly panicked. He doesn't show it outwardly - doesn't show much of anything outwardly, these days - but he feels it.

[They aren't always close, but they've always been close. Now, that emptiness they share is darker, deeper, more cavernous than ever. Eren longs to see him - feels the heart Kanoa lacks racing in his own chest.

[Kanoa never stayed on the farm full time, but he did have a room here. That's where Eren goes, pulling the door open without hesitation. He finds Kanoa on the other side.

[He figures he'll scarcely be able to open his mouth before Kanoa has himself has something to say. He's never been one to shy away. Eren wouldn't blame him if he were angry.

[Still, he tries - just this, if nothing else.]

I'm here.

[There was a point where he would have been angry. But thanks to both being a construct of eternity, and that hundred years of disassociating on the pavilion floor after his creation, Kanoa’s sense of time remained skewed as ever. This of course wasn’t always good, it meant feelings could run last for centuries, but it also meant that in such a short time he would barely understand that he was angry in the first place. It took him weeks if not months to accept his mother’s and Nanu’s disappearances. So what resentments had started to fester would not be able to withstand so much as a single hug.

Besides, he had been certain Eren was not gone, Eren would not leave him. He wanted to search for him thinking he had just gotten lost, but Frog was making the sounds of sadness and needed to be held. Eren would not wish for Frog to be making the sounds of sadness.

Also because the sounds of sadness and the sounds of hunger were very similar, and people were feeding frog too much and he feared she was growing even more round. Eren would not wish for that either.

He was in the middle of a heated debate between him and Frog, where he was trying to explain the importance of not being round to her, when Eren entered the room.

And there he would get the warmest of greetings from both parties. Kanoa rushing up to give him a hug so big that he lifted Eren clear off the ground and gave him a good spin.

And of course he pinned Eren’s arms to his sides in the hug, because he learned that humans can’t escape his affections as easily when he does that.

Frog, meanwhile, came crawling up the back of Kanoa’s clothes so she could scream in Eren’s face.]

Eren! You’re back! We found you!!! [and a Big Squeeze amongst a cacophony of giggles and cat screams… maybe a little too big, but Even can handle it.] we fooound you! We found you!!!

Where did you go? Did you get lost?

[More than anything, Eren is surprised to, quite suddenly, be lifted into the air and spun. He hasn't had much time to remember anything about anything, but he'd certainly forgotten about Kanoa's superhuman strength. His arms truly are pinned and useless. It's a bit difficult to get his bearings while he's being spun in circles and there's a cat screaming in his face. At first, all he manages is a stunned:] Frog...?

[Is that...the cat's name?]

Kanoa-- Put me down. Let me explain.

[A small mercy he does stop the spinning, but before he goes to set him down he pauses and looks Eren right in the eye.]

Is all the bleeding in the inside where it belongs? No bleaking?

[He was so close. Just so close to understanding human biology and yet-!

At least Eren would probably be able to parse that was an attempt to ask if he was alright.

Frog, meanwhile, took advantage of Eren’s helplessness to crawl onto him, and was now the queen of this awkward monument.]

Kanoa. [Eren harnesses patience that he thought he had long been rid of.] I'm not hurt.

[Despite it all, his voice is soft in a way it simply couldn't be for anyone else in this or any reality.] Put me down. I'll explain what I can.

[As for Frog, she can...simply remain perched, if she's able to keep her balance. He's not unhappy to see her - God, she's really fond of him, isn't she?]

[He looks at Eren. Considers this for a moment, but Eren is going to have to suffer being picked up for a moment longer.]

You were GONE Eren! I was very cross! I'm not anymore, because you are home, but I was!

[He was not.]

I was very worried too! I will put you down but you mustn't do that again, okay?

["...you are home."

[No. But they're together. It matters.]

I won't. Put me down, and then sit with me.

You have to promise!

[No disappearing if he puts you down. Against the RULES!]

[He wishes he were in a position to properly hold Kanoa to him, but that's not the sort of comfort he's asking for, anyway. Eren can promise. He really means it too. He isn't finished with this place.]

I promise, Kanoa. If you put me down, I won't leave.

Okay!

[And down Eren goes. Note this spittle theoretically be the part where he waits for Eren to explain things, but his lack of brain-to-mouth filler waits for no one. He’s got important questions to ask!]

Eren, did you change your legs? They are bigger.

[Eren doesn't answer right away. When he's placed on the ground, he waits only a moment, then pulls Kanoa firmly to his chest, wrapping both arms around him.

[It's Eren's turn to hold on. He holds on tight.]

I grew. Humans do that when time passes.

But you were already big!

[That's no fair! But he's getting a hug so he can't fuss that much. Eren' is getting a bit hug back!]

When I am human I will grow too. I will be taller than you! I have decided. I will have the biggest legs.

[No one can cut straight through to Eren's heart - whatever small, still part is left of it - like Kanoa can. That's always been true. Eren aches with fondness. He has to force himself to pull away, hands on Kanoa's shoulders. He stands up and moves to sit on the boy's bed, a hand still in place, pulling him closer.]

You still want to be human, huh?

[He is content to be lead and sits with Eren, swinging his feet a little as he does.]

Yes! I will be human. They are good and I like them.

You think they're all good?

[For who's asking it, it's a light enough question. Eren won't dive into a deep discussion about the inherent moral bankrupcy of humanity immediately upon reuniting, but...he's still curious how the puppet's mind works. He always likes talking to him. He missed him terribly, somehow, despite the state of his memories when he was back in his true reality.]

Yes. Humans are good. Better than gods. Gods lie and abandon you, but humans come back.

[And there is the tiniest hint of his growing grudge against his mother, the seeds have been planted and they would grow into a festering loathing in the future. But for now, it's just a petty upset. He still had many people he loved here after all, and they were kind, and they treated him well.]

[From what Eren knows of Kanoa's mother, he thinks he understands. Kanoa has described Eren too, however. Eren wonders if he should tell him.]

Gods do terrible things. You're not wrong about that.

[But enough is enough. Who cares? They're together. Kanoa is happy to see him. There's no need to talk about war. Let one reunion be tinged with something other than grief and resentment...]

What would you like to do, Kanoa? Whatever you want, I'll try.

[Oh boy! Someone said the secret phrase for infinite happiness it was that one. No sooner had he sat down, did he leap back to his feet with a big grin, and started to excited drag Even out of the house.]

I will take you to meet all my friends! Then they can be your friends too! I do not understand the frogs, but they have many things to say so it is good to listen, and the ducks are also very good but you must have bread for them or they will grow cross, and then I will show you the cats!

[And the “cats” because his animal identification skills still leave much to be desired.]

[Eren follows without issue. He really would do anything he could that Kanoa asked. He doesn't mind talking to frogs for a while if it makes him happy.]

Show me the way.

[At last, on October 1st, Hythlodaeus' soul sight will pick up on something familiar. Eren is a moving target at first - difficult to pin down, with his mind reeling, his muddled memory leading him imprecisely from place to place. Eventually, though, he settles where the edge of Horizons meets the forest beyond. They spoke here when the farm was in ruins. It still doesn't quite make sense to him that it seems to have never been destroyed at all.

[When Hythlodaeus finds him, Eren's gaze is cast out over the fields. He doesn't seem to notice him right away.]

[Hythlodaeus' constant searching paid off, it seems. Emet-Selch's soul is still nowhere to be found but Eren had been added to that tiny list the moment he disappeared. Now, Hythlodaeus finds himself running to that soul- now that it has finally stopped moving.

He pauses for breath behind Eren, because he literally did run all this way, and groans. He's in shape for the most part but he doesn't have to run all that often!]

Eren-

[He's different. Older. His heart twists uncomfortably in his chest at the same time it flutters strangely. Would Eren remember him? Hythlodaeus is prepared for the possibility that he doesn't, again.]

[Another voice calls his name, familiar. Eren feels something creeping on his shoulders before he turns.

[Hythlodaeus is as much a vision as ever; unforgettable, though Eren's mind is a jumbled mess of memory and time. He'd felt in passing that someone had yet been left to wonder. It's clear now who his memory had reached for.

[The true name is longer, but Eren took to calling him--]

Hyth.

[There's relief in his expression as he moves to sit beside his friend, and without so much as a warning he grasps his hand and holds it to his still-hammering heart.]

Oh, Eren. I feared you had forgotten me. What happened?

[He peers down at him, and knows exactly what happened without an answer given. All of those terrible things he said that he did, came to pass. He doesn't let go of the hand he'd snatched for his own. He merely holds it as his heartrate settles.]

No... never mind that. I know what happened. And yet, to think all of that happened in the short time you were gone... we were so worried when you failed to return with us. I've been searching for your soul every day!

[He almost, almost sounds huffy about that fact. As if Eren inconvenienced him greatly by making him worry. But mostly, he was simply heartbroken until he saw that glimmer of stormy green amongst the other souls.]

[Eren's hand is taken, and he doesn't pull it away. What reason is there to pull away anymore? His body feels like it's full of sand. He's easy to move around.

[Still, the sentiment surprises him - echoes some old surprise. It's a lesson Eren will never learn, maybe, that people are sorry to see him go.

[He unfolds his hand, palm pressed against Hythlodaeus' heart, racing. He looks into the eyes of his friend. He's been at a loss for words all day - hasn't used them as anything but tools in a much longer time.]

You recognized it. [Of course he did.]

Then, it's still the same.

Of course I recognised it. It's... brighter still, somehow. And yet at the same time, it's somewhat ragged around the edges. 'Tis something I had seen in Emet-Selch- that world-weariness. Yet the hue didn't change at all. I knew it was you in an instant.

[Finally, he smiles.]

Maruki was right. That you would not leave without saying goodbye. Full glad am I that he spoke true.

[Squeezing the hand at his heart, he glances down at their linked fingers.]

I missed you.

[An old friend, but a new one. Eren doesn't know Hythlodaeus the way he knows Maruki, Aubrey, Thorfinn, Akechi, Jean. There's less memory to cling to, wrought with more uncertainty, confusion, surprise. He recalls the feeling of Hythlodaeus' hand in his own, and it's warm. He doesn't remove his hand, even as dull grey-green eyes search his friend's face - for what, it isn't clear.]

That's right. [His voice is quiet; tired.] I'm not finished here.

[His fingers curl over Hythlodaeus' heart. Can he really say that he missed him too? It's difficult to tell what he did and didn't carry with him.]

I did think of you. [Trapped for thousands of years. Ymir's face was not kind like Hythlodaeus', but he remembers the two, intertwined in his mind.]

My memories...[How could he begin to explain?]

I'm still sorting them out.

[Hythlodaeus nods, turning back to look to his friend.]

I can imagine. It will be all right. You have time to sort them out. Whether it is enough time or not, we shall see, but... there is time.

[Lowering his hand from his heart, he still keeps their fingers linked as they're set between the two of them. Eren is free to let go if he'd like, but Hythlodaeus feels no need to.]

And if you need to speak with anybody, know that I am always here for you. I may not be the first person you'd turn to, but that doesn't matter.

[Dutifully, he will remain where he is needed- no closer, no farther.]

[No closer, no farther; such is Hythlodaeus, and it's grace. Eren's always suspected that Hythlodaeus longed more than he would admit, but he was grateful for that. Eren couldn't explain what makes him come to care for someone, but it's never been through having it shoved down his throat.

[Their hands are intertwined. Eren doesn't move his away. An anxious habit, he's always twisting and flexing that hand; with Hythlodaeus as an anchor, he merely squeezes, and without really noticing.

[It's a peaceful moment, for all the turmoil in his head. That's what Hythlodaeus brings. Just a few moments of peace at a time.]

Do I look like him now? The Eren you met first.

[Foggy green eyes shift sideways to Hythlodaeus.]

This isn't our first time together. That's right, isn't it?

You look like him. The Eren I knew.

[Down to the vacancy in his eyes. That hollow gaze that Hythlodaeus could fall into and drown in if he wasn't careful. Letting go of Eren's hand, he decides he wants to try to bring some joy back into his expression.]

I have something to show you.

[Closing his hands together, a single, glowing flower with petals that shine every colour appears in a small burst of light. He takes it and offers it to Eren, smiling.]

An Elpis flower. It changes colour depending on emotions, but it is beautiful no matter what. While you were gone, I asked for my creation magicks to be returned to me.

[It wouldn't appear so, but Eren is not immune to things like wonder, beauty. Hyth creates something in front of his eyes, life blooming out of his palms. Eren feels his head tilt just a fraction of an inch to the side, brows pinching together. That's the extent of his reaction, but it's more than nothing. Internally, he's stunned.

[What a gift that is. Eren doesn't know how to react - doesn't know how to feel at all.

[He takes it into his hands - gentle, gentle, or he knows he'll tear the petals. He doesn't want that...

[Memories settle in as he observes the flower - because he wants to ask "Why me?" but Hythlodaeus already answered that, weeks or years ago. His dedication is true. He cares for Eren, and Eren cares for him too. He remembers.

[When he looks back at his friend, there is something young in his expression, though it's hard to place. He searches the man's face, beautiful as it is.]

I remember. [He murmurs it, as if distracted. His thoughts are difficult to pin down.]

You're important to me.

[His smile widens, heart full as Eren recalls everything as best as he can. You're important to me. Words rarely sound so sweet.]

And you are important to me, too. That flower will never die- think of it as lasting proof that I am your friend through thick and thin.

[He rests a hand on Eren's shoulder briefly before drawing it away, content just to sit for a moment before he hums to himself. He knows what else he could create, something he's been itching to do again since he got his powers back. With a flourish, a lyre appears in his hands.]

Do you enjoy music?

[There's really no arguing with it. Their friendship bloomed slowly, and across multiple realities. That is the sort of thing that's lasting. He only shares something like that with one other person.

[He wonders if Hyth and Maruki looked after each other, the way Hyth looked after both of them--

[That's right. That night by the pond. Hyth brought him food. He's always feeding him. When Eren was young, he cried, and then--

[The spiral of memories is stopped and spun straight, Eren's eyes focusing on Hythlodaeus again. He has an instrument.

[It all feels so surreal, like a waking dream. Eren is arrested.]

Go ahead...

[He can understand that sometimes you simply need time to think. So perhaps a little music would clear Eren's head, give him that space to breathe. He starts playing and is quiet as he does so, affording Eren the time needed to remember.

He's never played music for Eren before, but his fingers know exactly how to tease the strings to bring out a beautiful melody. His eyes close as he plays, and his smile softens. It's a nostalgic tune for him, a special kind of song. It makes him think of home.

When he's done, he opens his eyes again and watches his friend. Gauges his reaction.]

Sometimes, a little music helps me think. I hope it did the same for you.

[What is happening to him?

Where is he?

Who is this man?

[The tune floats around them, and Eren stares out across the field to a farmhouse with warmly lit windows. Familiar shapes move about inside. The air is calm, the breeze kicking up fallen leaves with the faintest chill. Eren is silent, the sun slowly disappearing over the horizon, orange fading into purples and blues.

[He wants to cry.

[Doesn't.

[But breathes, slowly in, and slowly out. His friend is near. Peace never lasts, but there are moments of safety one learns to cling to.

[He doesn't focus on recalling any memories. This will be a new one.

[He doesn't answer Hythlodaeus right away, his gaze still on the disappearing sun. At some point, he realizes the other has spoken. He turns his head, meeting lavendar eyes.

[His voice is quiet.]

What did you say?

[The lyre disappears into light, as Hythlodaeus reduces it down to aether again. The sparkles waft into the air and fade, as Hythlodaeus chuckles quietly. Not mocking, simply fond.]

It doesn't matter. Thank you for listening... I haven't had the chance to play since I arrived here. I'm glad that it was special.

[For him and, hopefully, Eren too.]

I'm glad to see you again, Eren. Truly... every moment with you is precious to me.

[So he's glad that he doesn't have to give up on making more special memories with him.]

[Eren's gotten so terrible with words when they're meant to be genuine. He's glad to see Hyth too, but he has no idea how to say so. Those words alone feel cheap. He's overwhelmed, heart seized with a thousand different emotions - for Hyth, for those from home, for those here that he loves. He doesn't know what to do with all of it. It's almost too much.

[He has to settle on something. He doesn't want to lose those moments.]

We can be together. [He can promise that, at least, can't he?] Just come to me. That's fine.

Of course. I will always know how to find you.

[He reaches out, touches a hand to Eren's heart. This time, it's his turn to feel the beating beneath his fingers.]

Ah... but it is getting late, and you surely have others who demand your time too. I would be selfish and keep you all to myself, but I would prefer not to earn their ire!

[His smile is warm as he leans in to press a quick kiss to Eren's cheek. A fleeting thing, but no less precious to him.]

I will be back soon. I promise you that.

[Eren inwardly startles at the kiss, his eyes going momentarily wide. It's fleeting, but shocking. If he was at a loss for words before, he truly is now. All he can do is stare at Hyth, and his expression, indeed, betrays his bewilderment. He looks away. He can feel that his face has warmed.]

Alright. Yeah. I'll see you.

[He does, for a moment, wonder if he's gone a little too far. Still, he doesn't outwardly show that worry. Instead he inclines his head and stands up, and the world still feels brighter now that he's seen Eren is still a part of it.]

Until then, my friend.

[He doesn't really realize that he's doing it. That he's following someone because they smell-

Delicious.

Mostly because if he thinks about it for too long, it gets weird. That being said, he is a little hungry, though it's less for flesh of the living and more for their magnetite. Either way, the point remains. Eren is being followed.

All while Kazuya is trying to figure out just why this guy looks so familiar.]

[Eren is being followed, and he's well aware of it. He doesn't let on. He allows Kazuya to keep his distance as he takes the long way around town. He walks with purpose, but not with urgency. He'll lead him all the way to the top of Starlight Cliff, assuming Kazuya continues to follow.

[Once there, he merely observes the town below and waits for some sort of attack or confrontation. He's well-prepared for both. He won't be caught off guard, barring something extraordinary; even then, it takes him mere seconds to transform. He finds himself to be one of the two most powerful people in Somnius - more powerful than Vaeros himself.

[Try it, bitch.]

[The thing is, he's not attacking. He's just kind of watching, blinking back into himself when he becomes aware that he's no longer moving and just waiting. Kazuya looks behind him, back the way that they'd come.

It probably looks suspicious as hell. There's no way this guy doesn't have the wrong idea.]

Huh. Nice view.

[And it is. It really is.]

Sorry. Didn't mean to follow you, it just kind of happened.

[Chickening out? Kazuya is right - Eren's assumed the worst, which he tends to do these days. He turns to glance at Kazuya over his shoulder, stare dull and unkind. No one could blame Kazuya for finding him unrecognizable, especially since they only met briefly as children; that being said, he's still the same Eren, in so many ways. Those eyes, devoid of life as they are, are still a striking green.

[Eren turns to face him, a body's height higher from the way the slope has them angled. He stares down his nose at the man.]

Following someone by accident? That's almost impressive. [His voice is dry, monotonous - there's nothing friendly about it.]

Don't lie.

Somewhat accidental.

[He replies, not particularly intimidated by the look. It's- so familiar, just on the tip of his tongue. The tension is pretty thick here, huh? He'd rather it not be. So he moves slow, holding his hands up in a little surrendering motion.]

Kinda got lost in thought, trying to figure out where I know you from. And don't take it the wrong way, but...

[Well. There's no way to say it without being weird about it, is there?]

You smell kinda good.

[Hm? Well, that last part is...certainly not what he was expecting.

[To pick up on a scent from that distance, surely, this person isn't human. Hunger comes to mind.

[Following Eren because he can't quite place him, though - that makes sense too. Perhaps they knew each other before he left this place. There are so many that he can't remember. He knows he looks entirely unlike he did when he was last here.]

My name is Eren. [Beyond that, it becomes difficult to explain - especially when his brain can barely process what divides false memory from real memory from his memory from someone else's.]

I've returned after quite some time from where I'm standing. How did we know one another?

Last name Jaeger?

[If so, then he's finally placed it, where he's met this guy from. How weird, to know him as a child, and then not know the him who had been here all along, only to be dealt the hand that is this version of him, come back after such a long time away.

Guess he can believe in the strange way people return now, can't he? Well, not that he ever really doubted it, but again, if this is the same person he'd met, then this just reinforces that.]

If so, I think we met a short while ago. We were kids. I don't think we ever met before or after that.

[He smiles warmly, even against such a guarded and suspicious look.]

Kazuya Minegishi. It's nice to meet you again.

[Maruki's begun to explain to him - there was a time in this reality where people could become past versions of themselves, or something like that. Apparently he found himself a child quite often, which was more than a little disquieting to find out. It's a bit embarrassing that that's this guy's only impression...

[At any rate, it doesn't sound as though they actually knew each other. Eren isn't looking to make friends. He doesn't return Kazuya's sentiment.]

Are you human?

Formerly. Currently a demon.

[But he supposes that's a fair remark to make considering he'd commented on him being particularly delicious smelling only a few short seconds ago. Either way, he doesn't blame him for not returning the smile considering that he hadn't recognized him back either.]

King of them, specifically.

[King of the Demons and King of the Devils, eh? Eren isn't concerned, though somewhat intrigued. He thinks he's met at least one demon before, though he can't quite remember. Either way, a King here is just another sorry bastard stranded in another reality.

[He's curious, though.]

What caused the change?

I gave up my humanity for it. It was either become king, or become the pawn of a tyrant. Makes logical sense, doesn't it?

[Or, at least those were the only two options that had really made sense, like they may have actually worked.

And his path did work, so that was all the confirmation he needed.]

[Eren almost wants to laugh. Kazuya may as well have told him he could read minds. If he's really anything like Eren, maybe he can.]

Sure. [There's some edge to his tone, condescending.]

It's an interesting way of saying that you wanted power. It seems you had it for a time. Not so much the case anymore.

Actually, I didn't really want it at all. I was forced into the situation, and it was either that, or let God take humanity's free will away at best, or kill them all at worst because He wasn't getting his way.

[Here, Kazuya just shrugs. If there had been another choice that had solved all of the problems that had arose and had let him keep his soul, it would have been a far better choice in his eyes.]

Honestly though? I mostly did it to keep the people I love safe. But I guess getting the power to do that was a natural outcome of that desire.

You've managed to come around to the same conclusion. [Whatever pretty reason someone dresses it up in, one thing always remains the same - those with power are the ones that prevail.

[Going up against a god? Kazuya must have had it in spades.]

Were you successful?

If you're asking if I killed God, the answer is yes.

[It's not like he makes a secret of it, and the disdain for God is fairly clear in his tone.]

Killed him, tore apart every last angel I encountered, and all of the stuff that comes with.

What were the consequences?

[Everyone went home and lived a happy life? He can't quite believe that.]

Don't know yet. Was taken before I could actually get home, though I think it's safe to assume that I'm the new public enemy number 1.

[What with his government probably hating him for making people lose faith in them.]

I don't think too many people are going to be happy about their lives being upended, even if it's for the better in the long run.

Who decided it was better?

You?

[An interesting question, and one he actually takes a moment to consider and give his honest opinion.]

It was only my decision that mattered.

[There's no shame in admitting that sort of thing. If he's going to live with what he did, then that means he has to believe in his choice.]

If I didn't do what I did, more people would have gotten hurt. Either in the short term or the long term.

I'm only wondering. [As if to say that he isn't judging Kazuya, which he isn't. It just sounds familiar. That's all.]

Some people would object to that way of thinking. They'd disagree that any one person should have the right to decide what's best for them.

["I want you to care what I want." Was it here that He said that? Or back home?]

Most people probably think they know the right answer. Only those with power can actually do something about it. That's all.

You're not wrong. But it's also not as if I had a choice. It was one way or the other, and either way I was the only one who could and had to choose.

[And at least like this, humans will get to remain caretakers of their own destiny, he supposes. Not that he hadn't chosen this path for selfish reasons either.]

Might makes right. [He acknowledges.] And those without power have to live by the rule of those who do. It's a pretty simple way of thinking, don't you agree?

[Not that it's bad. Not that he disagrees. Not entirely.]

I understand. [And he does.]

It's a simple way of thinking because it's the way things work. That's true for any reality. It's the same predicament we're trapped in now.

As someone used to having absolute power, I'd wonder how that makes you feel.

[ Hm. He hasn't actually given it much thought. Not that he hasn't watched what it was others did or didn't do, what they daid or didn't say, but it had all been part of his own wait and see mentality. See what others did that didn't work.

Try something else. ]

Itchy, I guess. My power might be new, but demons don't like to be confined or trapped, and that includes me now. Still, I don't like making decisions without information. My plan so far has been to observe what everyone else is currently doing. What works or doesn't work, and how to refine what doesn't into something that does.

A fair plan.

What's your goal?

To get back home. I have people waiting for me, and I promised them I'd come back.

[And then from there... It's hard to say. What does one do when their sense of normalcy has been ripped from them? He doesn't doubt for one minute that the government will try to take control of him as the "victor", the threat he poses isn't just national, but international.

He doubts that they'll see eye to eye, that they'll let him just go back to living an every day life with the people he cares about.]

Hopefully expand my horizons while I'm here too, I guess.

[Eren can't help but find the "expand my horizons" answer to be a bit trite, but he's a bit embittered about this particular topic.

[As for the rest...]

As far as I understand it, that's what a lot of people here want - nothing more than to find a way back home.

That's good. It's what should happen.

The question is how to bring that about. You'll be keeping your eyes open, won't you?

[He can find it as trite as he wants, but the truth is, how often do you get to encounter a situation like this? To talk to people from not only worlds similar enough to yours to be a hairs breadth apart, but to talk to people from even more fantastical places that you could never dream of?

It's a giant mixing pot. There's much to be learned.]

I'll be doing more than keeping my eyes open. Since I've gotten my powers back, I've sent out a few demons to help scout out and try and discover more clues and leads that might be worthwhile to follow up on. Nothing yet, but I've only just gotten them back.

You're working with others, then, I assume?

Not yet, no. Like I've said, I've mostly just been keeping an eye on other people. No point in wasting energy with people who aren't as motivated about it, right?

[Not that he'll outright ignore those people, but they're just not people he'd choose to work with when it comes down to it.]

[It seems they're on the same page, in that respect.

[There was a time where Eren would have offered to be allies with anyone in Somnius that appeared to have convictions that were even in the same realm as his own. As it stands now, he'll watch the same way Kazuya watches. He's been here long enough that he has the benefit of a network he can trust. Perhaps Kazuya should be a part of that. Time will tell.]

I'd agree with that.

If that's all, then I'll assume you'll stop following me now. Unless you really are looking for a meal.

[ Kazuya laughs to his comment, giving a helpless little shrug. He is, kind of. Though it's not as if he's near starving animal levels yet.]

I wouldn't mind a meal, honestly. I wasn't kidding when I said you smell delicious. But I'm also not about to force it either.

[Hm? Now, that's interesting.]

You thought you might negotiate eating me? How does that work, exactly? [Just blood, maybe?]

Less "You" wholesale and more your magnetite. It's just a mix of your emotions, will power, and life force, to put it simply.

[ Which might also be just as alarming. ]

I'm willing to make a deal for it, if it'll make you more inclined.

[Well, that description makes the answer quite easy.]

No.

[He's had quite enough of people feeding on any and every part of him. Tension weighs down the air like a stone.]

Not now, and not in the future, so don't ask again. I'm going to leave now. If you follow me again, I will retaliate.

I see every fight through to its end.

[And he will, in fact, take his leave after that. Assuming Kazuya doesn't follow him, he'll make no more of an issue. If he does, however...]

See you later, then.

[ He's not about to push it. The last thing he needs to do here is make enemies already, so instead he just gives Eren a small wave as he walks off instead.

Besides, he's trying to be Non-problematic demon king, and forcefully feeding off of someone is not the way to go for that. ]

This is a test to see if you're still ignoring your phone.

I was in the middle of a conversation.

[Medieval peasant does not understand two text message conversations can be had at once.]

You've spent time with that BB person, haven't you?

[ It's probably for the best that he focuses on one conversation at a time for now, so that's okay. Easier to sort out the coleslaw. ]

I have. She considers me like a father figure. It's odd, but not unwelcome.

Why do you ask?

[They consider each other family...? Since when...?]

Why is she keeping track of who I'm in a relationship with?

[She explained, but like. What?]

Ah, it's not just you. She has a fascination with the relationships everyone is in, so she tries to keep track of them... and then makes up her own that she believes have potential. It's largely harmless behavior, although I can understand why it irritates people who don't want their names to appear on that board. Unfortunately, she's a rather unstoppable force.

I'm almost afraid to ask... What did she ask you?

[If only Eren remembered how to take a screenshot.]

About my type. Obviously, I told her that was none of her business.

I also can't understand half of what she fucking says. "Seme rizz master"?

[ Maruki actually puts down his phone at that. Nope. He never lies to Eren now, but he's going to lie about this. He is not going to explain to his recently returned best friend what seme means, even without knowing what a rizz master is. ]

I have no idea what that means either. Most of her slang is beyond me.

I'm glad you told her it was none of her business. May I make a suggestion for the future?

Alright.

BB-san is an incredibly powerful being with abilities to manipulate reality. She's a good ally to have in a fight, and a formidable enemy.

She is also a vector of utter chaos and no matter how she feels about you, she will be exactly as nosy and intrusive as you just experienced, if not worse. Giving her any kind of reaction will only encourage her to do and say more outlandish things. On top of that, she's an AI, so any and all information that you feed her will be used in some way.

In my reality, there's a saying for people like her: "Don't feed the troll." When she starts prying for information or trying to get a rise out of you, simply ignore it. We've gotten to a good place in our relationship because I don't engage when she acts like that. Easier said than done, of course, but I get the feeling you'll have no problem with that either.

Edited 2024-10-04 01:57 (UTC)

[Lmao wait.]

Have you told me about this before?

It seems like a necessary warning, Maruki.

[Come on, dude. ~~Though, like. Also. The coleslaw.~~]

Edited 2024-10-04 02:01 (UTC)

We spoke about it briefly. However, like you and I, her ability to manipulate reality doesn't extend to those in power and can seemingly do nothing to break us free from this place.

There was a lot going on at the time when I found out about this, so even if you weren't contending with what you currently are, I wouldn't be surprised if it was hazy. As things stand now, that can't be helped. Don't feel bad about it.

I can give you a few other warnings, if you'd like. We've been taking your reentry slow on purpose.

Edited 2024-10-04 02:32 (UTC)

[Right...

[God, his head's a mess. It's good of Maruki to be taking the reentry process slowly, because it's something Eren would never ask for. There is still - ever, always - that drive to continue the fight, but he's infinitely more exhausted. Every piece of new information that enters his brain is dizzying - often loses itself in a sea of other memories and experiences before he can process it at all. He's always asking Maruki to repeat himself.

[He's not really in the mood to more fed to him en masse over a device he still doesn't fully understand. He should feel more motivated, maybe.

[He's tired. He's tired. Maruki lets him be.]

Maybe just a list of names to be cautious of. For now.

[He feels ashamed. He has less control than he's ever had. It never ends.]

I do remember a conversation that you and I had. It had to have been here.

You were right. I said too much to anyone that would listen.

That isn't the case anymore.

I can do that. But let's talk about this first. One thing at a time.

[ He doesn't mind metering out information drip by drip. He doesn't mind repeating himself as many times as Eren asks. He doesn't mind any of this at all, and he wants Eren to keep being honest about what he can or cannot handle. ]

You're right. That was a conversation that we had during a counseling session. You took it to heart and became much more cautious in how you dealt with relative strangers here. It was admirable growth.

I'm sure that it isn't the case anymore for reasons other than our conversation once upon a time though.

Edited 2024-10-04 03:03 (UTC)

Caution became necessary.

[It always was, but that isn't what he's saying. He fails to put it into truer terms. He learned to lie - to those he hated, to those he loved, to everyone.

[Everyone.

[And he can't stop. He lies to Maruki without even meaning to, for all he doesn't say. He withholds everything, because he had to in order to keep the hurricane of emotions always raging inside of him at bay. The numbness was as much a choice as an inevitability.

[But he'll try, explain a bit more. Something in him trusts that Maruki will understand regardless of what he does or doesn't say - or that he'll talk to him until he can understand. Something like that...]

Once I knew I would be acting on my own, I had to learn to control what I was saying.

[ Eren once told him that his future self is a liar. It's something Maruki keeps in mind every time they talk. Not in the way that he's trying to catch Eren out; he trusts that Eren will either be honest with him, or lie by omission with his silence. So it's the silence he pays attention to, more than anything else.

His chest aches with empathy. Having difficult conversations with Eren over text used to be second nature, but now it feels cruel to not be right next to him to help anchor him through it. ]

I understand. What we say, or don't, is as much of a tool and a weapon as what we do, isn't it?

It was the only way to use my weapon.

No one could know until it was inevitable.

[Freeing, in a way, to be able to talk about his greatest sin while truly fearing no judgment. Where else does he get that? Absolutely nowhere.]

[ Maruki isn't dealing with anything even a fraction as intense as Eren is, but there are memories of branching futures and altered pasts that live in his head now too. He has no way of sifting through what is true and what isn't, and it's besides the fact, really – everything is real in its own way. Even what desperately wishes wasn't. ]

I understand. It's something I'd rather talk to you about in person sometime, when you're more rested, but for now...

Please believe me when I say that I understand.

[ Please imagine the words spoken in a circle of lantern light, he means. ]

You've been isolated for a while, haven't you?

[Of course Maruki understands. Maybe you're just me from another reality. Maybe I'm you. He hasn't forgotten. Not that.]

I know you understand. I remember.

[Let that be a comfort to Maruki, or, so Eren hopes.

[As for the following question, vulnerability becomes an ailment, making his chest tight and his stomach nauseated. The pain is indescribable - worse than perhaps any other. Eren has always craved companionship. He loves so desperately, with one hundred percent of himself, every time, for every one he loves.

[He spent too long alone. Even before he left, he was, in some ways, alone. Even here, with so many of the people he loves near, he so often feels alone.]

I have been, but that was my choice. It was necessary.

I know.

Sometimes it feels like the choices we make, especially the ones that are most necessary, preclude us from feeling pained by them. It's easy to tell ourselves, "I chose this, so if it hurts me, it doesn't matter. It's my fault."

It's especially easy to tell ourselves that when that choice hurt others. It's an insidious thing.

But at the end of the day, you've still spent a significant amount of time alone, Eren. However you feel about that is important.

You don't have to say anything to all of that. Just think about it.

Edited 2024-10-04 04:28 (UTC)

[Important? When has how Eren felt ever been important? Important in the sense that it's destructive, maybe. Important in the sense that it's dangerous.

[Important just because it hurts? He'd scoff, but he can't. All he can do is turn his phone over in his lap and lay his head back against the headboard for a moment. He takes his time, not thinking about much at all. He takes his hair out and combs his fingers through, puts it back up; lays his head back again.

[It takes a while. After that, it takes a while to figure out what he wants to say, because he doesn't want his conversation with Maruki to end. He wishes he were here. They could fall asleep again.

[Eventually, one solitary line comes through.]

I hated it.

[ That's tremendous.

That's surely more than anyone else will get.

Maruki treasures those three simple words, as much as they tear through his own soul.

He knows what it's like to hate the only dream you've ever had. ]

I did too.

What did you call us once - hopeless bastards? That really is it, huh...

I could tell you that you aren't alone anymore, but you'll still feel like you are sometimes. Maybe even most of the time. That's okay. Eventually, it will start to change. For now, just come sit by me.

Edited 2024-10-04 04:52 (UTC)

You're here?

[The farm, that is.]

Edited 2024-10-04 04:55 (UTC)

[ He meant it metaphorically, but it wasn't not an invitation too. ]

I can be shortly. Do you want to meet at the tree?

((ooc: continued here))

Edited 2024-10-04 05:09 (UTC)

BB wants to know, from the seme-rizz-master himself, what is his type of person? It seems like you can totally bag anyone you want, and BB is just curious what certain people call to you, ya know~♡?

What?

?

you dont realize like youre hot?

[Oh, no no. He knows he's hot. He's very pleased about it.]

Why are you asking me this? Who I spend my time with or why is none of your business.

We aren't friends.

lolol we could be if we chat it up more about stupid fun shit like this?

BB just wants to know as one of the hot people here what their type is? You can have anyone you want but you only keep certain treasures for yourself, is it so bad someone who loves information wants to know lolol i mean sorry not sorry ig but im just cunty enough to ask straight up (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)

I'm not interested in being friends.

If you're asking me why I choose to spend time with the people I spend time with, I can't answer that for you.

[That's not the sort of thing you choose, is it?]

OKay okay let me guess
You like them - -

[ Anyway, this is her guess work: ]

easily malleable [ Subaru. ]
with half a broken personality so you can warp them how you like [ Maruki. ]
or fully broken so you can bench-press them [ Aubrey! ]
doughy and ready to bake! [ Random one off. ]
invisible so you can do whatever you want to them if no one knows hehe! [ Sorry Jean. ]
a recipe for disaster [ Akechi. ]
(˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵) yeah you like them messy ♡

[Well. That certainly manages to get his hackles up. Thank God she didn't actually attach any names.]

Wrong.

I'm not talking about this with you. If you don't have something important to tell me, then turn off your phone and go do something useful.

BB's an AI she can multi-task. Do you know what an AI is? 90% of my processing goes to actual useful things like diagnosing the strands of hair I got from Chise to ensure her magic levels don't make her explode. So BB also regularly checks her health levels throughout her time in Somnius. at all times!!

BB is currently devising a way to turn on the network and make it automated outside of his stupid castle. so she is calculating probable methods, but there are too many components and it looks like I will have to wish for items from my home world to make it work again.

She is also redoing the map that she made so that all the apps she has will be updated accordingly.

also shes making another roomBBa bc she wants some for herself

also BB recently ate demi-fiend so I am like going through that fucking database - that is actually 50% of my processing power at this point because there is so much there it made me die a few days ago. god that was horrible

then i have to go through all the malignant data and make sure I don't explode again

BB is doing a lot!! and she is also working on her OTP board so she was bored and wanted to know who else she could match you with

[...

[Alright. So, he stands corrected.

[He fears he'll regret asking immediately, but if she's...putting him on boards...matching him? Technology? God, he's so fucking confused.]

What is an OTP board?

[It won't be normal. He knows it won't be normal.]

well at some point BB thought there was this big thing about love? falling in love? and stuff like that, especially when I found out you get most shard energy if you tell other people you love them?

so BB started to compile lists of people who would make suitable matches and get the most shards out of each other.

then... lists turned into a board.... and then boards turned into stories... and now i have a whole fantasy league of pretend romantic partners that i totally think should be together

at this point its just a hobby?? lolol maybe might start writing doujin about it with demi-fiend

BB thought it was interesting that you must make the most amount of shards right? and as an outlier, she thought if she could figure out your type then she could learn more about making shards between people in general.

◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜ lolol ask maruki about it

[Yeah, he's not doing this. Read notification at XX:XX.

[He will also be asking Maruki about it, as suggested.]

I'm alone right now.

Are you up?

Yes.

[Not even in bed, as it so happens. He sleeps wherever and whenever he lands. It's a lot more often than he used to, but he has no schedule anymore.]

You want to talk?

I do.

Or rather, I was hoping we could meet early today.

Are you planning to kill me?

Not that I won't accept your invitation.

Of course not. What kind of person do you think I am?

There's a spot near Starlight Cliff I would like to show you.

[Where else?]

You know the answer to that question.

I'll meet you at the machiya, then.

[Read @ XX:XX.

He isn't entertaining that with a response.

Instead, he waits outside the Machiya entranceway, Korokke rolling around on the gravel path behind him.]

[It's a quick cut through the woods from the edge of the farm to the Machiya. Eren comes from around the side, a tall shadow with how dark it is outside. He waits at the foot of the entryway, quiet.

[Notes the cat; recalls snapping a photo.]

[Jumpscare ahoy - he isn't used to this. Younger Eren lacked this degree of subtly. Noted.]

What an entrance.

[Whatever - he's here. Korokke? On her own. It's Maruki's stupid cat - she can find her way back in. With a wave of his hand, Akechi ushers Eren forward to the direction of the cliff.]

I take it you're acclimating well? You've have some time to reestablish yourself.

Edited (WHEEZSS) 2024-10-08 01:00 (UTC)

Some time. [Eren walks side by side with Akechi.]

It would be difficult to describe to you. I have a lot to sort out that most people probably wouldn't have to think about. [His tone is "casual" if you could call it that.]

Edited 2024-10-08 06:40 (UTC)

In time it will sort itself out. There's little else to do in this small town outside of think and try to parse the truth.

[And Eren sure is at the Machiya frequently. Maruki's clearly got some part of this handled by the annoying amount of time Eren spends there.

He continues on.]

Of course, I'm available to help as well should you need it.

I trusted that already. [Maybe that will annoy him.]

We've always been allies, even before we were anything else. [Maybe that will too.]

[Annoying. He thought years apart would dull that shit.]

I see. I'm happy to hear it. You're correct - we've always been allies and will continue to be, so long as your goals haven't changed.

They haven't changed from where I'm standing, but perhaps you'd like to go over them again.

I didn't expect a quiz from you.

[But whatever - it doesn't hurt to confirm what may have changed over the years. Akechi turns his head to watch Eren and keeps moving.]

To put it simply - we're leaving this reality behind using any means necessary.

[The truth is, with that, Eren's goal has changed - or, at least, what he used to say his goal was has changed. Since he first arrived in Somnius, he's told nearly everyone that would listen about his quest to take control from Vaeros and put it in the hands of the Dreamers.

[He doesn't want that. He wants the power in his hands - Akechi's, Maruki's, or whichever trusted confidant gets the job done.

[Akechi will get his confirmation. Eren nods, even.]

Then, we're on the same page. That's good to hear.

Of course. It's only been a short time for me - I made an assumption from your appearance it's been far longer for you.

[YEARS, FRANKLY. EREN, you're fucking big.]

It wouldn't have been unreasonable if your goals had changed in that time. Perhaps that new result would've ended with an ocean. [It's not like there's anyone around to hear this time of night.] How long did you return to your reality for? I'm curious.

[Akechi's words are as flippant as ever, but they don't seem to affect Eren.]

Four years. All the way to the end.

[A glance as they walk.] I guess I must look pretty different to you now.

Is that so? Well, you achieved what you desired. I can't say I'm not envious.

[That's it - a short life ending as it should. A world followed it.]

As for your appearance, I wouldn't say it's entirely different. I knew you were Eren the second I set eyes on you, despite the change.

[Akechi looks, in that moment. Bulkier. Taller. Hair changed. Features blank, and not. Less emotive, provoking and reactive - traits Akechi doesn't particularly miss.]

You've always had a presence about you. That hasn't changed in four years. I doubt it would have even if you lived a long life.

[Akechi looks at him. Eren wants him to. Wants to hear him talk too. He lets his head tilt just a fraction of an inch to the side.]

A presence?

I'm sure you've met people like that - those who capture your attention without making a sound.

[Joker, who caught Akechi's eye no matter how he attempted to blend into his surroundings. Quiet. Masked. Attentive.

Shido, who demanded acknowledgement in his tone, demeanor and posture. There was no room for another to question it. No chance to fight it. Oppressive. Cruel. Unyielding.

The cliff appears in the distance. Akechi begins to deviate to a different path than usual.]

They walk into a room, and it belongs to them the second they do. You had that even in your youth.

[It's not as though Eren can't see where Akechi is coming from. He's not entirely self-unaware. There's a reason his plan worked as well as it did, and it had plenty to do with commanding attention. He's always been able to rally people together. It's the greatest weapon he has.

[That being said, he likes hearing it a lot more from Akechi than he has anybody else.

[He follows him as he deviates off the path.]

I'd guess that people say the same about you. That's the reason you protect your image so carefully, isn't it?

To put it simply, yes, but it's manufactured. I've already told you how I was an unwanted child. To move away from that image requires careful cultivation of everything I do. How I dress, what I eat, how I walk, how I look, what I say and the tone it's said in, interaction with others and who I'm seen speaking to -

[Moving up the hill, and to the side - they aren't going up, but they are moving around the forested edge. A slower clip, a quieter route.]

One mistake - small or large, and it's over. Those with a natural gift lack that rigid line. I have to say, I'm envious.

[Having to live that way, maybe Akechi never did have a chance at being a genuine person. It's something that Eren has considered before; doesn't make him any less eager to bring out what authenticity he can.

[He'd like nothing more than to free him, really.]

I'd never considered myself that type of person, but I suppose there's no point in denying it now. It became useful enough. Cultivated or otherwise, I'm sure you can understand the advantages.

That being said...

There are times when you have a certain presence too.

[It's all about the advantage. A value. A path forward.]

I can only hope it's a positive one. Even in this reality, it's important to maintain such a thing.

[Eren weighs that consideration for a moment; comes up with this:]

I think "positive" depends on who you're asking.

I'm asking you.

[In this silent, dense forest -

Who else would there be but the two of them.]

[Eren lets that silent encroach for a moment. He keeps his eyes on Akechi's, dark as they are in this dim light.]

For me? It's what I want.

Your presence. The you that others think they know doesn't interest me.

I wouldn't know what you mean.

[It's annoying. The few who accept the rotten parts of him-

That think they do. They're pathetic. Stupid. At least a prince would pretend to care about them. Too chose a life outside of that illusion-

He can't fathom it.]

But I'll allow you to keep that delusion if it makes you content. I'm in a good mood, after all.

How kind of you.

Where are you taking me, Akechi?

Somewhere quiet.

[And that's all Eren gets-

Before he continues the trek in silence. Up and around a corner, a steep path up, until they reach a hidden area with a flower covered bench. A town below, the ocean beyond, a staggering cliff still behind and a sunrise that will bathe this entire place in light in a few hours.]

Maruki-san showed me this place some time ago. Have you been here before?

[Even given the holes in his memory, it's odd to enter this place and realize that it's something he's never seen before. At one time, hadn't Eren known every corner of Somnius? He looks to Akechi.]

I haven't.

[It's beautiful, unfitting of two monsters. It could be a backdrop for them if they were something prettier. Even so, Akechi's face is painted by moonlight; it seems to suit the place.]

Good.

[He doesn't move to sit. All he does is watch Eren from the center of this small path.

Watch how different he looks from the day a boy pleaded with him in a boiling hot bath. To see if that face will contort and enrage like he used to when they first met. Akechi hopes it does. ]

I thought now would be a good time to show you the site of that grave. Having a grand return to a false reality means you require a reminder of your real one. It felt appropriate.

[Dead mom. Dead Eren. It's all the same.]

I meant to show you before your sudden departure.

[Hm...?

[Eren eyes the space. He'd almost forgotten. The memory now is frayed at the edges. They were side by side in a boiling bath, talking about mothers and graves.

[It does look like a lovely place to rest - quiet, hidden away, with a place for mourners to sit and weep.

[Eren was born to be grieved, but like a cockroach that can't be killed, those that grieve him are bound to be chained by him forever. It had seemed more dire, four years ago, to have a place to come die. He could do so repeatedly with the right memories - throw himself down on his sword again and again. There was appeal to that. He can remember craving the feeling of pain, because at least pain was better than nothing at all. Even then, he knew that he could never truly rest, but now...

[All hope gone, there's nothing left for desperation to cling to. A grave is a grave - his, or those he loves, or someone Akechi loved - and he feels nothing. They stand over the proverbial pit together, both watching. This would be a rather poetic moment for Akechi to slice off his head.]

You put a lot of thought into this. I'd almost say that's an honor.

Is this your taste?

[No anger. No rage. No grief. Eren remains unprovoked and thoughtful.

Remains somber on this quiet cliffside - isn't incited by the reminder of a death he's experienced and will come again.

That's all there is. His arms cross over his chest - he doesn't look away. Doesn't blink.]

I have no preference, if you're asking about my ideal grave. A body is a body. I won't be around to know better.

[That's all there is to it.]

I take it you find this place suitable. If so, I'll consider this request completed.

[Akechi doesn't look away, doesn't blink. Eren remembers that look. He tried to rip him apart once. Akechi stared at him just like this.]

You're unhappy? Why?

I'm not unhappy. I'm pleased. We both got what we wanted, didn't we? You, a grave. Myself, a favor to a friend granted. What else could I possibly want?

[Oh, his hackles are up. Bristling, despite the smile plastered.]

You've been gone for some time, so I'll let it go this once and offer you a reminder - don't misconstrue my feelings as you often did in your youth.

[He'll just ignore that request altogether.]

I'm not sure what it is you want. I might have believed that, actually. You gave me exactly what I wanted. It's beautiful too. You could have just been doing that for a friend.

[Eren steps up closer to Akechi. He can see the moon's glow in the other man's eyes, unblinking.]

But you are unhappy. I can tell. You have that look in your eye again. Like you want to rip me apart.

Well. Look at where we're standing.

I never want that. You often interpret my expression in odd ways.

[He could reach up -

and wrap his fingers around Eren's throat again. A bloom of purple would appear, and vanish, with every gasp.

It would be easy. Eren wouldn't bat an eye. A flutter of lashes to stay conscious, and he would, because he's doomed to die another way.]

I just find it interesting that you accept it so easily. A grave given by another in a temporary world filled with people who will come and go in an instant. By the time we walk down this hill, there may be no one left that remembers 'Eren' or his lost mother.

[The grave isn't for his mother.]

So what's the point of this? Why create a memorial when you're a barely a blip on the radar of the majority here? I would have thought four years would've changed your mind over the matter.

You're right about that. [Easy, casual, almost bored-sounding. He scratches a bit at the back of his ear.] It really doesn't make much sense.

I did ask for it though. [He lowers his hand.]

Graves anywhere work the same way, don't they? Eventually, everyone who was there for the burial ends up buried themselves. A grave simply becomes a place dedicated to something that no longer exists.

[Every lazy movement is another notch on an ever increasing list of irritants. Akechi can't place why - doesn't care to figure it out. Eren deserves it. From his disappearance, to arrival, to this.

To being at his home, constantly. Always. Present and there, even if Akechi rarely acknowledges his existence beyond the typical niceties required.]

True. Your name, life, everything you strived for will be completely meaningless. In fact-

[Feigned smile, hand on his hip.]

If you decide to have a tantrum on this world and turn it to a sea of blood too, it'll be buried under the weight of all here. Some who never knew they earned your ire, coating a grave meant for their killer.

I find things like that fascinating, don't you?

[One eyebrow raises.]

You're probably used to me getting upset about that sort of thing, aren't you?

Not so much anymore.

You're right. If I decided to wipe this world clean like I did my own, this grave will be a marker of destruction at its best.

What's your point?

I don't have one. Sometimes I enjoy speaking and seeing what other thoughts are for that sake alone. Not every matter requires a solution or answer. You were always someone simple to speak with, so I wanted to do so again.

[Provoking Eren used to be so goddamn easy to the point of annoyance. Akechi could blink, and that boy would bite.

This apathy is a different barrier to contend with.]

Is there anything that would make you want to turn this reality into a mirror image of your own? Without the source of your ire here, I can imagine not, so it's a hypothetical scenario. A small thought exercise. I'm fascinated by the nature of it all - what would make a person shun all the bonds they've formed for such a sordid purpose? What causes someone to snap? Or perhaps you're a one hit wonder, as it were.

[Fine. A "thought exercise". He remembers now.]

As of right now, there's no reason to do anything like I did in my true reality. Aside from that, I don't currently have the means.

[He won't say that the circumstances don't call for it, or that it's impossible. He'll do what's necessary no matter what the circumstances are, and things can turn in this place on a dime.]

There's collateral in every war. I understand that too.

My concern is what it's always been. My people will remain safe. As for what may happen to anyone else when we take control of things, I could care less.

Does that answer your question?

[Nothing changes, and everything does.

He answers, as always. Akechi listens, and notes it.

What a horrible man Eren turned out to be.]

It does. Thank you for indulging me.

[And with that, he looks to a town he's never hated more, up to the starry sky that's calming more times than it's not, and back to a man that oscillates between both.]

That's all I wanted to discuss with you. You're welcome to take your leave. I'll see you for our jog later.

Don't be stupid. [As blunt as ever, at least.

[Eren's hands are in his pockets. He scans the same space.]

We'll see each other soon either way. Let's just stay here a while.

Do what you wish. I can't stop you after all.

[Eren is a free man and-

Akechi goes to sit on that makeshift bench, one leg looping over the other, hands folded neatly on his crossed knees.]

By all means stay and enjoy the view.

[He's so annoyed.]

[Mercifully enough, Eren doesn't take a seat beside Akechi. He stands with his hands shoved into the pocket of his coat, his eyes cast out over the slope of the hill, the town below. He won't speak again until Akechi does. They may talk about idle things. They do on occasion. Or they may remain silent until it's time to trace their way back to the beginning of their route. Sometimes Eren is surprised that Akechi still shows up every morning...]

[ It shouldn't surprise Maruki that they've been spending as much time together as they have, but it does. It seems that unless someone else is actively courting Eren's attention, his natural gravitation returns him to Maruki's side.

He certainly isn't complaining – it's the most welcome relief after those weeks spent tearing himself apart while soothing everyone else. It's almost an honor, in fact. But a surprising one all the same.

To that end, Eren seemingly has nothing better to do tonight than to hang out with him, and Maruki is all too happy to oblige. He has Eren seated as the bar counter in the machiya kitchen, just as he was that first afternoon, but this time he's been made to watch Maruki cook up a storm.

It's different than cooking for Thermo. That's about quantity and efficiency. In his own kitchen, with familiar ingredients, Maruki can take his time to craft something truly delicious. Okonomiyaki is far from fancy, but it's not something he's been able to make for Eren before– in fact, there were shockingly few times that he cooked for his best friend at all anymore. They ate lunch together daily, so that took precedence, but still... It seems like a strange oversight.

He leans over the counter with a spoon of okonomiyaki sauce, holds it out for Eren to take. ]

Taste this, please. Tell me if it's too sweet. I can never get the ratios quite right, and since it's your first time having this, I want to be sure you like it.

[Maruki puts Eren at ease. That's why he spends so much time with him. It's an easy place to fall back into it.

[He's not the most reliable food critic, however. He'll eat basically anything, and all of it tastes better than anything he would have had back in his true reality. Maruki can really do no wrong.

[Still, he tastes the sauce.]

It is sweet. I don't know how it's supposed to taste though. I like it.

[ Maruki takes the spoon back, tries it himself. It is sweet, but– ]

So long as you like it, that's all that matters to me!

[ And then he's back to assembling the batter, beating the egg whites within an inch of their life to make up for the lack of nagaimo. Even taro would be nice, but beggars can't be choosers, he supposes...

He tucks the bowl into the crook of his arm as he whisks the eggs into a fervor and looks at Eren, cheery as anything. ]

You fed me long enough. Thanks for letting me finally repay the favor.

[Even in his current state, Eren looks at him and can't help but think to himself, "What a serious dork..."

[He's terribly fond.]

Anyone who rejects free food like this would be an idiot. Besides, you look like you're enjoying yourself.

[ Maruki smiles, pleased, and stops to pour the eggs into the batter. He speaks as he turns to pull the leftover pork belly from the refrigerator and begins dicing it into little chunks. ]

I've always enjoyed cooking, but there's something truly special about doing it for others. Especially being able to make food from my reality! I've found time and time again that it's an easy way to connect to someone without needing to explain much...

[ The day that Eren brought the soldier's rations to Eyn Sof will always be firm in his memory. Even when the food was subpar, it was the sharing that mattered. He understood Eren better just from chewing that tough meat and flavorless bread. ]

You get it, right?

[He gets it. Where he comes from, with the life he's lived, sharing food is the greatest love language there is. Giving someone something to eat off of your own plate was as good as giving them part of your life. People lived and died this way.

[Maybe it doesn't quite mean the same to Maruki, but still, Eren can see it from his perspective too. He thinks of people he cared for and the way the food they cooked tasted - like his mother's bread that he shared with Maruki. Maruki shared food with him too - strange snacks wrapped in plastic. Eren felt like he knew him a little better...

[He nods.]

If I already know what your food tastes like, I've forgotten. It's good we're doing this, then.

[ The chopping slows for a moment as Maruki's brows pinch in, as he considers it. He shared those snacks with Eren a couple times, but... ]

No, don't worry. You haven't forgotten. I don't think we ever did...?

[ That doesn't feel right. In fact, it's not just that; it feels outright wrong. Can it be true? The chopping stops entirely. Brows fully furrow.

Did he ever cook something from home for Eren? One homemade meal, ever?

He didn't.

Slowly, Maruki resumes his work, shaking his head. ]

I don't know why. That was stupid of me. If you were really gone forever, I'd regret not having done this. So...

[ He picks up the cutting board, pushes the meat into the batter and looks at Eren with a small smile. ]

We should make sure that when we do leave, it's without any regrets. We should do everything that we can together. Don't you think?

[It feels like some kind of promise is about to be made. Eren remembers another one. He made good on it, by the end. Even if that's what it comes to for he and Maruki, he wouldn't mind. It's a promise they can make. They have all the time in all the worlds.]

We will, then.

Just tell me what you want to do. I can't see myself saying no.

That reminds me of something, though.

[ Maruki moves on to the absolute mountain of cabbage that needs to be shredded, eyes down on the cutting board to make sure he's uniform and precise, still smiling. ]

Hm? What does it remind you of?

Edited 2024-10-06 08:55 (UTC)

We used to take photographs, didn't we?

We did. Why do you ask?

You should remind me how to take one. I liked having them.

[Meaning, yes, he absolutely wants to take a picture of Maruki in this outfit while he can, but it's not just that.

[They were memories you could hold. Pictures of Subaru and Mikasa are still hung up on the wall in he and Jean's bedroom. He took those photos himself. It matters...]

The ones I've seen have helped me to remember. If we're going to do everything, we should have photos of it for that reason, if nothing else.

[ Pause on the cabbage. Maruki sets the knife down, wipes his hands off on his apron and grins at Eren, plainly pleased. ]

You're right. That's a great idea. Do you want me to show you now? You don't have your camera on you, but...

Show me how to use yours. [It's better, right?] Then I'll take one.

[ Don't have to ask him twice. Maruki pulls the phone from his back pocket, pauses for a moment. There are so many photos of Eren on here, that will hopefully jog so many memories, but–

Now isn't the time. Later.

He opens up the camera app and leans over the counter to show Eren. ]

Tap this part of the screen with your finger and it'll take a picture. You can hold it upright or sideways, whatever you want.

[ And then he backs off, almost poses, but remembers–

Eren in Eyn Sof, waiting to capture him with his Polaroid in a candid moment.

So after a beat, he simply returns to cabbage slicing. ]

[Some found it funny that Eren put so much stock into an outdated camera, but he took his photos with care. They weren't particularly impressive - he was the definition of an amateur, but he really tried. He still does, tilting the phone this way and that, trying to tap the button at the right moment. He'd like to capture his friend just as he is, but even this type of camera can't do that. He tries to make the photo look nice, then. He forgets to talk - too focused.]

[ For a while, Maruki doesn't talk either. He lets Eren focus on snapping photo after photo as he moves about the kitchen. He isn't consciously trying to smile, but it's there anyway.

Eventually, though, he does speak. ]

It takes videos too. So you can watch them back later. I've got some funny ones I'll show you sometime.

[Eren tilts his head, still watching Maruki through the camera. He can see the video option labeled, so he switches over. He's filmed before on the same phone that he has now, but it's different, and he hasn't since he got back.]

Now it's on video.

I remember making these before. Only for communication.

[ Maruki glances up, grins at the phone pointed at him and waves. An awkward, dorky motion before he finishes incorporating the cabbage into the batter and moves to preheat the griddle pans. ]

Do you? I can't recall you doing that too often, but you must have. Maybe more before my time here...

[ Strange to think that there was a time before they knew one another. Or– well, no, maybe they did, and that meeting in dreams was just to jog their memory. Hard to tell. ]

Next time I come to the farm, I'll show you how to use your camera again. I think you'll like having the physical photos even more than this.

[Eren thinks about it for a moment. Nods.]

I was thinking...

If that network we used to use isn't around anymore, then they could take away any photos you take on these phones too.

All the ones I took before are still on the walls. If I remember right...some were even during that war.

[ Maruki stills for a brief moment, sudden guilt pooling in his gut.

He'll cop to that later, though. Okonomiyaki batter pours into the pans and he keeps his eyes on them as he nods along. ]

That's a good point. The only things that are likely guaranteed to be safe are what you can hold in your hands.

[ He rubs at his jaw, eyes on the bubbling batter. ]

It's one of the reasons I knew you weren't gone, beyond just our promise. I went and looked through your things when I was the only one at the farm. Everything was still there.

[Eren's belongings are, indeed, just as he left them. That wouldn't be the first time someone left something behind and didn't return, though. Maruki must know that.

[He's been certain in their promise, and he has reason to be. Eren did return. On some level, that had to be intentional. He knows that their fight isn't done.

[But Eren knows he must have doubted, must have feared. He comforted himself with their word, with Eren's belongings - comforted others, too, but who helped carry that weight? Who carried him?

[Eren lowers the camera, tired of watching his friend through a lens. He lays the phone down flat on the table, though, he doesn't realize he hasn't stopped recording.]

Were you afraid?

[ Maruki looks back over his shoulder, brows drawn down. There's almost no one else he'd be honest with, but– ]

Of course I was afraid.

[ Quietly, plainly stated. There's not a single barb present. It wasn't Eren's fault that he left, and it certainly wasn't his fault that Maruki couldn't comfort himself with the same things he told everyone else. ]

I knew you'd return. But I was still afraid. Doesn't make sense, does it?

Edited (SpongeBob began kissing Obama, massaging one of his many holes. This got Shrek hard too, which caused his massive 24" cock to pop out of his pants.) 2024-10-08 01:02 (UTC)

Of course it does.

[Eren looks at his friend; just holds his gaze for a moment.]

I've lived it. More than once. Out of everything, it's what I remember the most.

[Eren's hand curls and uncurls over the countertop.]

I don't doubt that you trusted my promise, but you must have thought, at times, that something had gone wrong. How couldn't you?

If your mind ever told you that I wasn't coming back, then...

I understand.

[ It's not the first time that Maruki has thought Eren is a far better friend than he deserves. The level of understanding they've reached is unique to them. There are few who simply accept Maruki's neuroses, lightly challenge them simply by virtue of listening and validating. Maruki can count those who can do that on one hand, really, and one of those people isn't even here.

It's also not for the first time that he's wished Akira and Eren could meet. ]

That's exactly it. Thank you...

[ Gratitude isn't enough. He doesn't know what would be enough.

Eyes back on the pans, spatula gently testing the edges to see if they're ready to flip. ]

Can I be honest with you? [ It's rhetorical. ] I worried that something went wrong every night. It was such a helpless situation, it was driving me crazy.

[ If anyone, anyone will understand the unique lunacy of being toyed with by reality and being unable to toy with it back, it will be Eren. ]

[He does understand. It feels that all he can do is repeat it - I understand, I understand - because it's such a unique hell. Eren is quiet for a long moment, eyes on the counter, where he idly raps his knuckles.

[At last, he speaks, voice quieter than it was a moment before.]

In most realities, when someone goes away, it means they're dead. You'll never see them again.

Here, returning to our true realities is the closest thing to death we know. But even that isn't necessarily permanent.

There's no telling when someone might appear right next to you again. Every moment you're looking over your shoulder, checking your phone. It would drive anyone insane.

Maruki. I'm sorry. [And, because he thinks he knows what the response will be:] That you had to go through it at all. It's Hell...

[ Maruki listens to it all, and–

He laughs. Subdued, softened, tight in his throat. ]

Not while I'm flipping okonomiyaki, you little– ah, hold on–

[ He rushes through flipping the second one, a little less done than the first as batter splatters across the pan. It's fine, that one will be his. He doesn't care.

He comes around, out of the kitchen, to the side of the bar where Eren's seated, and doesn't bother to wait for an invitation to wrap him up in a hug while he's still seated. ]

It was hell, but I feel like... I understand some things now, and I'll be able to better help others in the future.

[ He messes a hand through the top of Eren's hair, strands falling out of his bun as he does. ]

And I'm just happy to have you back. I'd rather focus on that.

Edited 2024-10-08 05:16 (UTC)

[Eren has found it easier and easier to touch. Nearly everyone that he loves still offers it. The truth being that he spends more time with Maruki than anyone, there's no reason to shy away when he comes around the bar and hugs him. Eren rests his head where it lands and puts his arms loosely around Maruki in return. He's always been the type; just hasn't been allowed to be in a while.]

I'm not worried about how well you can help others.

Someone ought to help you.

[Eren pulls back to look at his friend.]

I'm not leaving again until it's time, so. I will. That hasn't changed.

I know you will. I know...

[ Maruki ruffles his hair once more, then swings back around the counter to return to the stove, gently nudging at the okonomiyaki and bending over to try to see how done they are underneath as he speaks. ]

You help me, we help each other. It's how things have always been. It won't change.

[ Quiet, calm reassurances that he's perfectly secure in. It still feels good to say them out loud, hear them echoed back.

Someone ought to help him, yes, and several do. It's just that no one could have helped him with what he went through without Eren around. The only person who would know how to get through to him during something like that is– well. Eren. Hence the problem. ]

[Maruki's back to cooking. Eren lifts the phone again. He switches it back to the still camera, thus ending the recording. A few more candids of Maruki are taken.]

In ways...

It feels a bit like how things have always been. Doesn't it?

[ He turns to get plates for them, sees Eren back to taking photos and laughs to himself. He really is serious about capturing everything now... ]

In ways, it does. In the ways that matter most, I think.

[ Some things feel wholly different in a way that can't be reconciled well with the past, but they're fewer in number than one might expect. But that can't be a universal experience for Eren at the moment. ]

It doesn't feel like that with everyone, does it?

[The plates are set down. Eren lowers the camera. ~~No instagram meal photos.~~]

No, it doesn't. Not with anyone else, really. I'd say...only you and one other person.

[ Wouldn't it be crazy if one could make phenomenal amounts of money just from photographing and filming their meals? Wild...

Maruki comes around to join him, pauses as he's halfway up onto the chair, slides back off to remove the apron. He has a bad habit of cooking and then eating standing up in the kitchen, talking to Akechi from across the bar, but he wants this to be a proper meal.

A quick, quiet thanks, and then he demonstrates to Eren how to top it with the sauce. ]

It's like a savory pancake– although, saying that, I don't know that you've had a normal pancake...? Well, regardless, I hope you like it! But whether you do or not–

[ A triumphant bites from his chopsticks and a blissful little sigh. It tastes as close to home as he can get. ]

You're required to tell me who the other person is. As your best friend, I need to know!

Hm? [He already has his mouth full, you see. At least he chews and swallows before speaking these days.]

It isn't a secret. Just Kanoa.

He acts exactly the same. He wasn't even angry at me. He wanted to know where I'd gotten longer legs...[There's no humor in his voice when he says that, but he recognizes that it's funny. More than anything, he's devastatingly fond. The mere mention of that little anecdote at all really does all the talking.]

[ Maruki takes the joke for what it is and laughs around his own mouthful of piping hot fried cabbagey goodness. ]

Ah, that sounds like Kanoa-kun. I tried to talk to him while you were gone, too, but he would only send me photos of frogs... I hope it helped in some way. They were certainly cute, either way.

[At that, Eren frowns just a little bit - subtle enough that it's easy to miss, but there, nonetheless.]

He was probably upset, then.

I'm not surprised. He did tell me that too.

With Kanoa...[Eren pauses for a thoughtful bite.] He seems like a little kid, but he has a lot going on. When his mother left this place...

[Ah. Eren sets his fork down.]

It was terrible. Him sending you those pictures...that was probably a good thing for him.

[ Maruki looks over at him, doesn't even try to suppress the warmth in his smile. ]

You really do know him well... I'm so glad he has you back. Especially in lieu of his mother.

[ And then, tone noticeably lighter, eyes wandering toward the ceiling as he munches on his okonomiyaki: ]

I just thought you might bring up another name, that's all...

[ Is there a slight teasing lilt?

There certainly is. ]

[Eren doesn't seem to get the joke. He raises an eyebrow.]

Which is that?

Oh, I don't know, maybe I'm just imagining things...

[ Get. Teased. IDIOT. ]

[Both brows now arching down.]

What are you talking about?

Hythlodaeus seems very fond of you, that's all.

[ Shrug! ]

And I'm particularly knowledgeable about what it's like when a tall, otherworldly beautiful Ancient is fond of you. That's all!

[ Okonomiyaki time!!! YUM. ]

[Eren may be a walking corpse of a person these days, but he can and does still very much blush. And his face finally goes hot at Maruki's teasing. He sneers and looks away, off into the other room so Maruki can snicker into his okonomiyaki.]

That's not how it is...

It's not? Huh... Well, I suppose I could be wrong. There's a first time for everything, after all.

[ And just so Eren knows it truly is light, good-hearted teasing, Maruki reaches over to jostle his shoulder fondly. Dork. ]

[Well, he knows that it's lighthearted. That isn't the problem.]

Has he said something to you?

[ Maruki shrugs, more genuine this time. ]

Not in so many words. I'm just good at reading a room. It comes with the territory.

[Eren accepts that answer, nodding toward his okonomiyaki. He takes a bite. He ought to tell Maruki that it's good, but ~~they're busy talking about Boys~~ he has other things on his mind now.]

Hythlodaeus is...hard to wrap my head around. I couldn't say that it feels the same as it did before, like with you and Kanoa. It's just different.

That makes sense. You two didn't have as much time to establish things before you left, either, so they're more malleable by default.

[ The teasing has entirely dropped away now. Maruki leans an elbow on the counter, sips his tea thoughtfully. ]

Do you think you can try to describe how it's different? It's okay if you can't. [ Don't hurt your head... ]

[Thinking about Hythlodaeus does hurt his head. He distracts himself with a sip of tea too, ever mirroring. His fingers tap against the mug - ever moving his hands too.]

He's a baffling sort of person. Everything about him...[Eren's voice trails off, and he closes his mouth tightly, apparently frustrated. He shrugs his shoulders.] No. I really can't explain it at all.

Every time we talk, I feel like I'm dreaming...

[Flowers blooming out of thin air, music floating all around them; memories slowly bleeding, two realities caught in a dance...]

It's confusing...

That's alright. I can only imagine, knowing both what I know about that other reality and how Ancients simply... are.

[ He met Venat in dreams, waking with the slow, heavy sensation that he'd met someone meant to be put in his path. Everything since has felt dreamlike in its own way, though surely different from whatever Eren is describing.

Half of his own okonomiyaki gone; he'll save the other half as leftovers for Akechi. Focuses on his tea, the sleepiness that settles into his bones with a good meal. ]

He cares about you a great deal. That's all I can say for certain. We had a good talk while you were gone.

[Eren looks to his friend.]

Did he take care of you?

[ Maruki has to consider how to answer that question. He looks to Eren, then out across the kitchen, eyes unfocused as he tries to sort through his thoughts. Both elbows up on the counter now, mug held in two hands and resting just below his chin.

Finally, it's only honesty that breaks through. Ever honesty for the person who deserves it most. ]

I don't really let others get the opportunity to take care of me. You know that.

[ It's up to those few who know how and when to force the issue. ]

However, that being said... I think I was able to talk to him more openly than I could anyone else who was hurting. I told him about our promise, and knowing one another in other realities. We spoke about the collective unconscious and the aetherial sea, which is always comforting to me. I asked him to describe your soul to me, and he did – that was a comfort, too.

[ He glances down into the mug, blows on it briefly before taking a sip. ]

So in a roundabout way, he did, though he probably doesn't realize it.

[Eren's quiet for a moment. He'll resent the time Maruki spent without him forever, he thinks, though he's beginning to realize that it was necessary. Idly, he wonders if he and Maruki's souls might look alike. Sometimes he really does feel like they're the same person. The thought leaves him quickly enough. Eren has already seen Maruki's soul. Azathoth is a familiar friend to him now.

[All that being said, when Eren considers it...]

I think he does realize.

When he cares about someone, he'll stay right beside them, even when things can't be helped. But it did help, didn't it? He probably intended for it to.

[ An astute observation about a relatively new friend; that doesn't escape Maruki's notice at all. Noted to bring up later...

He smiles at Eren, sets the tea down. ]

You're right. For a little while, I didn't feel quite so alone. It was a huge help, actually...

[ He slides off the chair then, moves to package up his own leftovers for Akechi.

He won't say that it was only a text conversation, that he was hardly going out and seeing anyone beyond whoever happened to be at the farm during his working hours. Maruki knows that isolating was a bad idea; he knew even as he was doing it. Did it anyway. ]

Speaking of not being alone, though. Are you going anywhere else tonight?

I hadn't planned to.

[Eren stands up too, taking his own plate to the sink. He simply begins washing it, as casual as anything. There's not a time in his life where he would have gotten away with anything else.]

Unless you want me to leave. I'd just find somewhere else to go tonight.

Don't be stupid. There will never be a time when I want you to leave.

[ It's a gift, really, that Eren wants to spend as much time with him as he does. ]

Let's just hang out 'til you want to call it a night.

[Maruki has become Eren's landing point, really. It's just another consequence of being the only person that can understand him. Eren spends days and nights with all sorts of people - partners, friends, those that fit no category at all. He cherishes those moments. They're moments he shouldn't have for a thousand reasons, and he wants them.

[But being with his best friend makes him feel like he's taking his shoes off at the end of the day. It signals time to truly rest. He doesn't have to be adequately miserable or adequately functional or adequately cold or adquately warm.

[He only has to be.

[So, he stays here most nights. It's comfortable. He doesn't hesitate at the edge of the bed anymore. He has sleeping clothes and a toothbrush, just like Maruki has at the farm across that little swath of forest.

[It's safe. It's nice.]

[ It's safe. It's nice. It's easy.

In the end, that's the common denominator between those in Somnius that Maruki is closest to and loves most – it's easy to be around them. He fakes it well in the general populace, but it's so rare that he finds it anything but difficult to relax and be himself. Not so with people like Venat, Akechi, Kurogiri, Maki, BB– and Eren. Of course Eren.

He sprawls out on the large bed next to his best friend, turns his head to look at him. ]

Ah, before I forget... Remember when you mentioned the photos up on your wall?

[Eren's hands are folded over his chest, thumbs pressed together. His eyes are already closed, but he isn't dozing, really. It's a comfortable bed. That's all.]

That's right. They're still there too.

They– yes. Most of them.

[ With a huff of effort, he hoists himself up to his knees, reaches for one of the shelves above the bed. When he flops back down, he has one of his many stolen library books propped up on his chest, opens it up to a place in the middle with a photo stuck between two pages.

Gently, he plucks it and nudges it into Eren's hands. ]

I took it from your room while you were gone. Sorry...

[ The guilt is entirely genuine. ]

[A photo is placed in his hands. Eren props himself up on his elbows, holding it up right in front of his eyes. He recalls setting the timer. Maruki told him that he was afraid. Eren told him that everyone was...

The timer goes off.

[Eren blinks and looks at Maruki, lowering the photo.]

It's as much yours as it is mine, isn't it? I don't care.

I remember this day...

No, it's yours. I want you to keep it.

[ Quietly insistent. He has his own version, on his phone. He still doesn't know what possessed him to go up to that bedroom Eren and Jean share while the farmhouse was entirely empty, to stare at the photos on the wall and take one down for himself.

In the end, he guesses he just wanted something of Eren's. In case it all started to disappear. ]

It was an important day for me. I still wasn't being honest with you back then, though... [ More guilt, twisting in his gut. ] We talked about creating realities, but I only let you know that it was something I researched, not something I did. [ A beat. ] Or do. Or– will, or whatever. [ Ugh, his head. ]

[Eren frowns a bit, watching his friend stumble over his words. Clearly, something is really bothering him. Apparent dishonesty, or...what he considers to be.]

I don't remember being angry that you kept the extent of your abilities a secret. It makes enough sense.

I might have been annoyed that you didn't trust me, but we hadn't realized yet. [That they're the same, that they were meant to meet, that they're who they are at all.]

[ Maruki props up just long enough to stretch an arm blindly over his head, haphazardly lay the book back down on a shelf so that he can turn on his side and face Eren. ]

I know. I had a reason for everything that I did or didn't tell you. That doesn't mean I don't feel bad about it in hindsight, though.

[ Everything happened exactly as it needed to, as it should have. They exited that circle of lantern light changed; it couldn't ever have happened sooner than that. Still, the guilt gnaws. Maruki is a man who lives steeped in regrets, after all.

He looks at the photo in Eren's hands. That somber face next to his own grinning one; it's the same as in the selfie on his phone, and he treasures that dichotomy between them. ]

Anyhow– I remember thinking you were letting your hair get long because you were a lazy little shit. I guess you just never cut it again, huh?

[Eren doesn't respond to Maruki's jab, the photo between two fingers again, turned about in the air in front of his face. As he settles back down against the pillows, he keeps it there.]

I guess I didn't. It stopped being necessary.

[A glance at Maruki.]

You think I should cut it now?

[ Maruki looks at him for a long moment, considering, calculating. Squints. Tries to picture it, pulls a face like he's just tasted something unexpectedly sour. ]

No. You'd look weird. Too clean-cut...

[ And then he reaches out to push Eren's head, musses his loose hair over into his face. ]

Plus, I can do that when you start acting stupid.

[ And he'll do it again! ]

[Still possessing reflexes, as one does, Eren scrunches his face up when Maruki starts mussing his hair around in front of it. He smacks the man's hand away.]

I can never get all of it. [He mutters this as he takes out his hair, scrubbing his hands through it to shake it all loose.

[Along with the aforementioned niceties, Eren also has one (1) hairbrush he keeps nearby, which he sits up and takes now. Just let him get the tangles out...]

I like it better down, but then it really gets in my face.

[ Maruki watches him meticulously brushing out his hair and huffs a little laugh. ]

Get someone to braid it for you. Not me, though, I don't know how. Ah, maybe Maki does...?

[ And now he has to laugh even harder at his own joke! He's a funny man, that Takuto Maruki.

While Eren's sitting up, he takes the opportunity to curl up cozier in the bed, one of his many blankets haphazardly thrown over them. It's really more of a nest than anything else. ]

No way. [Immediate, dismissive. There's no humor to it.]

I'll just keep putting it up. It's not that much of a hassle.

[Not to sleep though. He gets tired of waking up to find it all knotted up.

[Eren settles back into the bed, crossing his arms over his chest. He lays his head all the way back on the pillow, eyes closed toward the ceiling again.]

Your hair's gotten longer too. Don't think I didn't notice.

[ Maruki touches his own hair, a little self-conscious; it's longer against his nape than it's ever been in his life. ]

I guess I'm a lazy little shit too.

[ Mild, still joking, and then not: ]

I spent a month babysitting, and then we were at war for god knows how long, and then– well, you know.

[ He was too sad to even move! ]

Things have been too busy for a while. Although I suppose I don't have that excuse now...

Edited 2024-10-09 09:30 (UTC)

[Eren makes a brief, thoughtful noise, cracking an eye open to get a look at Maruki's hair.]

Unless you want one of those things to cut it...[He speaks so fondly of the locals!] You'll have to find someone.

[ Maruki makes a blatant yuck face at the idea of the locals doing anything for him. Vil isn't an option anymore, so... ]

Are you offering?

Hm? [There's a sound of genuine surprise. Eren turns his head to look at his friend, cheek pressed into his pillow.]

I could, I guess. [He's trimmed his own hair before when necessary.] It can't be that hard.

[ Success! He wasn't even angling for this when he first brought it up, but success nonetheless. ]

I'd appreciate it. And if it turns out you're terrible at it, well... it'll grow back!

[ Never been vain a day in his life, that Maruki.

Now that Eren's looking at him and not just laying there like a corpse, he reaches over to gently tug on an arm. Come on. How many nights have they done this since Eren's return? Sleep like a normal person. ]

[He just needs the invitation, really. He's not sure why that is. Maruki only sees Eren as his friend, not a blade that's too sharp to touch. Still. Eren's found it difficult to reach out to anyone. He feels like his touch alone could kill.

[It doesn't. He shifts onto his side, how he's most comfortable, and faces his friend.]

I'll cut it in the morning, then. It doesn't look bad though. Maybe you should reconsider.

[ Maruki's face does something truly stupid then, eyes lifting to try to look at his own hair flopped across his forehead, brows raised high, mouth in a little oh. ]

You like it? Eh... It gets annoying, though...

[ He would like to feel a breeze on the back of his neck again, thanks!!! ]

Well, who knows? Maybe that war will come back to us and I'll lose track of time and grow it out again.

[ Now shut up and let him roll closer so he can pet Eren's hair. ]

[Well, Eren's not gonna twist his arm about it. They get closer. It's so easy. Eren feels himself relax, muscles releasing all tension. He carries so much without even realizing.

[There are hands in his hair. He closes his eyes. He's always loved this feeling. When he was young, it was his mother; later, Mikasa, Armin. When Eren wants to comfort someone, this is just what he does - hands through hair, as easy as anything.

[He hugs his friend, presses his face into his chest. He never wants to be alone again...]

[ Eren goes quiet, still, relaxed, and it's a personal victory for Maruki. He lets Eren bury into his chest, cards soothing fingers through his hair, careful not to tangle this time.

His voice is softer after a long spell of silence between them. ]

I could never hate you, no matter what you do. In any reality. I hope you believe that.

[Eren's already started falling asleep. Maruki's words cut through a half-dreaming haze. Eren thinks, at first, that they must not be real.

[No, that's Maruki's voice. He's still awake.

[And they're heavy words. Eren feels his throat go tight.

[He deserves every ounce of hatred that he receives. He knows this.

[He still wants to be loved. Who doesn't want to be loved? Better yet if someone could love him without also hating him. He thinks they all do, even if it's just a little bit. Loving Eren is a terrible thing.

[He knows this.

[But Maruki has never made him feel that way. "I could never hate you," and Eren doesn't deserve it, but he believes it. It's so much. One person whom he can trust above all others...

[His voice comes out quiet, hoarse.]

I know...

[ It's simply the truth. Maruki doesn't remember sharing Eren's reality with him, but he's heard about it, and he knows himself. He knows that even that version of himself, who would have had every reason to hate Eren for lying to him, for ensuring his death – even he wouldn't have. They said goodbye at The Paths. How could Maruki ever hate someone who loved him enough to remember him, and to say goodbye?

He sifts through Eren's hair, cornsilk soft. ]

It's hard, isn't it? Even if you think you deserve it, it's still hard.

[Somehow, Maruki knows. Somehow, Maruki understands. Of course he does.

[Eren feels himself breathe - sudden, as if he hadn't been. Maruki and he's entire relationship is based on Eren telling the truth about how he feels, but that has gotten hard too. He manages to nod his head. That's all.]

[ That's fine. That's more than Eren would give most anyone else. Maruki knows.

He cradles Eren's head, safe in the dark of this room if nowhere else. ]

Just breathe. You don't have to talk about it. I just wanted you to know.

I love them...

[ It's such a small, wretched truth. Maruki doesn't know how to protect someone with such a perpetually bleeding heart. ]

I know. They love you, too.

[They do. Eren knows they do. That makes it worse, maybe. Or maybe it would be worse if they only hated them, if they didn't love him at all. There's no right answer. It hurts to be loved by them, it hurts to be hated by them, it hurts not to have them now, and it would have hurt not to have had them at all.

[It isn't just Eren's mind that's a mess. His heart is a miserable tangle of rage and passion, and it isn't just funneled into hatred. He loves violently. It's miserable.

[He hated being alone, but it's how things should be. It's better for everyone that way.

[He knows.

[He clings more tightly to Maruki. It wasn't better for him...

[He doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He couldn't find the words if he tried. He feels like if he opens his mouth he'll vomit.

[So, he just holds on. Eventually, sleep will find them, like it has every other night together. He'll forever be chasing the rest he needs.]

[ They haven't been avoiding each other. But there's an undercurrent of tension, the kind of fraught fragility that appears on the heels of a fight. He and Eren haven't fought, though, outside of a punch thrown.

Still, Eren is the first one he texts when he encounters Ketos. He sends a picture of the creature crafted by Hythlodaeus, a bundle of hay in its mouth and sticking out from either side as it looks directly at Jean's camera.

The text reads simply: ]

????

Edited 2024-10-11 02:27 (UTC)

[Odd to see a message from Jean and feel his heart jump in the wrong way. He's been dreading some conversation that's left hanging between them, neither able to speak. Eren won't get any better at it. That's part of the dread...

[It's only Ketos though. Jean must not have noticed it before.]

Hythlodaeus made it with one of his abilities. It's called a ketos.

All it does is walk around and drool. Don't expect much else.

And eat the horses' hay, apparently. It doesn't even haul things, or is it just not trained?

Does it have a name other than Ketos?

It's like I told you. It's not good for anything other than drooling. It's apparently supposed to have powers, but it doesn't.

Hythlodaeus likes it though. He comes and takes care of it, so who cares?

I haven't called it anything else. I guess I should ask him.

[ What luxury, to keep an animal that serves no purpose. ]

Just making sure I account for how much hay I'm getting.

Hm.

Looks like a Daisy to me, if he hasn't named it already.

Daisy? What made you think that?

Sorta pink, reminds me of flowers. Plus I feel like she should have one on her head.

[ Attached: a picture of the ketos again, only Jean has drawn a little flower 🌼 on top of her head. ]

[What a stupid joke...]

You're quite the artist lately. I saw your stupid note.

[It's fond, at least.]

I don't have much to add, nor do we really need more employees right now. I was there and bored, so I drew it.

I'll draw you next, if you want :)

[ it WILL be a stupid caricature with its tongue out. ]

For the bulletin board?

[That's one way to announce his return, he supposes.]

I can't say I'm not curious.

You're probably going to regret it, that's all I'm saying.

Don't actually post it.

Who's going to stop me from doing it?

I'm not going to fight you over a bulletin board. You'll just make an idiot of yourself.

Maybe, but it's the little things that I enjoy. Like drawing stupid pictures of you and the cat.

I'll put something nicer in your lunch.

Draw more, then. You like it, don't you?

[He recalls a trip to the Labyrinth, and a sordid art class. Jean's didn't look all that bad, did it?]

I do. I'm not as good as Mikasa at it, but it's fun anyway. Can't get better without practice, either.

[It never gets easier to hear her name, nor does it get any easier to see it written out. Eren's gotten a lot better at taking a punch, at least.]

It's like I said. Draw, then. More than those stupid doodles. I'd like to see it.

[ He tries not to bring her up too much, but he doesn't want to pretend as if she was never here, either. ]

What if I drew you? Properly, not a little sketch.

When you leave, eventually, I'll have a picture of you, then. Not just a photo.

[Eren feels embittered - thinks to himself that Jean probably would rather remember him than have him close. It's an unfair thought, maybe, but it crosses his mind nonetheless.]

You'd value that more?

I suppose it makes sense. We aren't used to things like photos. They still seem strange to me even now.

I'd let you. If you wanted.

A photo is good. But there's something special about a drawing. You put a part of yourself into it, and it reflects what you love most about the person.

I'd rather just have you. But can you truthfully say you wouldn't leave this place if you had a chance?

I don't want to hold you back. So instead, I'll draw you.

[No, Eren can't truthfully say he wouldn't want to stay in this place. He wouldn't lie about it either. Anyone who asks would get the same answer. The brief period of time where he considered something different was based entirely on fear. He isn't made for walls.]

I hadn't brought up leaving. If you want to draw me, you can.

I get it.

[Plenty of people have left them behind. He gets it. He just knows that it will be a relief once he is gone for good.]

Just tell me what to do.

Eren.

I know I don't know you the best, but I do know you. I love you as you are. You fought with Mikasa, once, about last names. You thought we'd be happier if you were gone and we could be together.

We weren't. We told you we missed you and that's why we wanted to be with you here.

Come over when you can. I'll be in our room.

[Jean's reassurances seem to come out of nowhere. Eren hasn't exactly been forthcoming with his feelings lately. He feels nearly cornered, confused. He doesn't bother responding. He isn't doing much, so he heads back to the farmhouse. When he steps through the bedroom door, he looks half-annoyed, uncertain. He closes it behind him.]

What's gotten into you?

I want to draw?

[ He's playing a little obtuse, a sketchbook sitting on his lap with a pencil. He tilts his head at Eren, giving him a half annoyed look in turn. ]

You're the one who offered to pose.

[Eh...?

[Eren...blinks.]

You meant right now. [Statement, not question, but also? A question?]

I just...stand here?

[ Sarcastically: ] Unless you're busy.

[ He shifts over, patting the bed where the sunbeam hits it. ]

I won't make you stand that long, come lay down. It'll be easier on you, and you can rest a while.

[It feels sudden - casual conversation converted to action. Eren hadn't thought too deeply about the could-be portrait session. It's a uniquely exposing feeling. He feels awkward, uncertain; hesitates at the door in a stalled fluster, then comes inside and sits on the bed. He kicks off his shoes, then takes off his coat and his shirt. Jean can make fun of him for showing off his abs all he wants, but if he's going to be drawn, he wants to look...good.]

How am I supposed to lay?

[ Jean seized on the idea; this likely won't be the drawing he actually keeps, given he'd just denigrated his own drawing skill. But seeing Eren the tiniest bit flustered, it feels worth it to have asked.

His gaze rakes over Eren - because while Jean should make fun of him, he cuts an attractive figure. He keeps his hands in his metaphorical pants, though.

He almost says Eren doesn't need to pose, can lay however he feels - but then he reconsiders. Maybe that gives the impression he doesn't care. Instead, he offers: ]

Lay like you would if we were talking face to face in the bed.

[Eren's mouth tugs awkwardly. He glances at his corner of the bed.]

It's weird to do it without you actually lying down. [Drawled in that dry voice.

[He hesitates another few seconds, then scoots in on his side. Talking face to face in bed, they'd normally have their arms around each other, but there's obviously no way of doing that, so...he puts one arm behind his head and lets the other lay across the bed where Jean should be. He bends his knees at the angles he recalls from wrapping their legs together.

[He can't quite look at him.]

This is embarrassing...

I can go get a chicken for you to cuddle.

[ Drawled right back, Jean's tone is full of affectionate teasing. He watches Eren arrange himself, putting an arm behind his head like some kind of ~~french girl~~ model from the interior.

Even with the awkward expression, he looks cute. Jean is so insufferably fond of him; it might show in how his expression softens a little as he looks at Eren. ]

It doesn't look embarrassing, if it helps at all.

[ His gaze drops to the paper, starting to sketch, but he keeps talking. ]

I don't think we ever did this, before. You took - still take - a lot of photos, though.

I think I'd remember this. [Though, with his memory, who knows.]

Seeing photos lets me piece things together. That's why.

What else helps? Scent, touch?

[ It's a genuine question. Jean has mostly narrated things that happened, but he's not sure if Eren wants to rely solely on Jean's recollection of things. ]

It's hard to say. [Scent and touch can be just as disorienting as they are grounding.]

Mostly just talking, I guess. And those photos.

I've started using that camera again too.

[ Color Jean corrected, then. ]

Good. You should keep doing that - if I'm going to draw, you should keep taking pictures.

[ Jean flicks his eyes up, over the paper again, pencil stilling for a moment as he takes Eren in. After he's had his fill, or found what he's looking for, he resumes drawing. ]

Remember the first time I tried to make a soufflé?

[ They thought there was no way opening the stove early would ruin it... ]

[Eren searches. Jean's cooked a lot here. There's nothing clear, but...]

It wasn't here.

In that cottage. All three of us...

Yeah. She told us we should have followed the recipe instead of getting impatient.

[ There's a fond smile on Jean's face as he keeps sketching. ]

It still tasted good, though.

[It occurs to Eren that, maybe, these are memories he'd meant to shove down. Living in the cottage with Jean and Mikasa, where guests were rarely invited, where moments were shared only between the three of them, had felt almost like having a home again - not quite, but close. He and Mikasa washed the dishes just like they did growing up. Jean would dote on both of them. Eren slept in the middle. He felt supremely loved - so much so that it sickened him, as things got worse.

[It's painful to think about now. It hurts that she's gone. Things can never be the same as that small period of time, never appreciated for how sacred it was.

[And no one's ever loved him the way Mikasa does. That's a fact to anyone that can see it. He just wonders how she'd feel if she could see him here now. There is forever an empty spot in he and Jean's bed.

[He's been quiet too long.]

We didn't have a bed for so long. We slept on the ground for months.

[ The start of their relationship, really. All three of them huddling together, ostensibly for warmth but really for comfort. All three too used to sharing space with a dozen, two dozen others in close proximity; having an entire room felt (and still feels) luxurious beyond belief. The beds that were too soft, too high off the ground (or not high enough).

Jean misses those times. He also knows they can't go back. ]

We didn't want to try to pile into one of the smaller ones for some reason.

[ They were still playing at platonic feelings. ]

... I still own the cottage. If you ever want to visit.

[ But Jean doesn't offer more than that, for the moment. ]

Edited 2024-10-13 04:03 (UTC)

[Eren is quiet. Even fond memories of the cottage feel tainted to this day. He's not the sort to let go of a grudge. How would he feel walking through the door now?]

What we have here. I like it too.

[This place is more luxurious than anything that should be in his hands, but still. It's nice...]

[ It is nice - there's a plethora of space for anyone to stay with them, from at home or new bonds formed here. They have plenty of animals, and Jean is still trying to start up an herb garden - he doesn't have as much of a green thumb as he'd like.

He smiles down at the picture he's sketching. ]

When I was younger... I wanted a fancy house in the interior. I wanted a wife, and at least one child, and in the evenings I'd drink fancy whiskey.

[ Why is he telling Eren this with a smile on his face? Well: ]

I think I like what we have here, better. I enjoy the quiet. I enjoy sitting here with you even when we don't talk at all, and I don't have to spend my night at the bottom of a bottle.

Edited 2024-10-13 04:33 (UTC)

[Eren has to force himself to let Jean have this, and to let himself have it, too, if only for the moment. One way or another, this reality will be dealt with. Control will be relinquished. Decisions will have to be made. And those decisions may be at the expense of things like a peaceful life in a quiet farmhouse.

[But it's alright. It's alright to enjoy the sunset from their forest-facing window. It's alright to eat well. It's alright to be together while they can be.

[He tells himself this. He tries.]

Did you drink while I was gone? [Eren's voice doesn't change much, but it's intended to be a gentle question. He hates the idea of it.

[He just wonders if Jean missed him.]

I thought about it.

[ Jean says it softly, beginning to put details on the sketch. He starts with Eren's face. That blank, placid expression that he can't help but try and tilt into a little smile as he sketches it. It looks out of place, a little fake.

He leaves it for now. Wishful thinking. ]

I missed you terribly, and towards the end I thought you weren't coming back at all. I reminded myself it never did anything for all the Garrison and ex-Scouts back home who couldn't forget what they'd seen.

And I didn't want to try to forget you.

[Eren nods, seeming to accept that answer. His eyes flicker away, and he folds his hands together.]

After that, would it have been better if I didn't come back?

No.

[ The answer is immediate from Jean's lips, and he pauses his his drawing, looking up at Eren. Looking at Eren and feeling guilt wash over him.

He knows that Eren didn't want to return, but does he think he was unwanted? That Jean would rather he stayed home and died?

He drops his gaze back down to the drawing, though his pencil doesn't start moving again. ]

I'm selfish - and cruel, apparently. I know you want to rest, but I'll always want to see you again.

[Eren feels something tug down at his mouth, but he ignores it. The swelling feeling in his chest is harder to ignore. He recalls sitting in Jean's lap, holding on for dear life. It feels too much has changed to go back to that place.

[Jean says he wants to see him, though. It's something. It's huge.

[Eren looks at his husband. If he were still the type to cry, maybe he would.]

I want to rest, but I want to see you again too. Both can be true.

[ There's a moment where Jean looks at the sketch, then carefully places the pencil on the page and sets the book aside, on their nightstand. Then he leans over, crawling over to where Eren lays and gently wrapping his arms around him.

Everything is different, and yet nothing has changed. He wishes he could lift Eren into his lap once again with ease; instead, he embraces him. ]

Then I'm okay being selfish, if you are too.

[Eren feels a tightness in his throat, but he knows nothing will come of it. He swallows it down, slowly snaking his arms back around Jean. He loosely holds handfuls of fabric.

[This is his husband; his body, his scent, his temperature, his voice. Eren hasn't been in the best mindset, lately, when it comes to him, but in this moment, he feels that familiar sense of calm that he's so used to this body, this scent, this temperature, this voice bringing...]

I am selfish. [His voice croaks just slightly. He clears his throat.] I'm shit. I can't change.

I want you anyway.

[ Jean spreads his hands across Eren's back, letting his fingers press against skin. He's shirtless and Jean simply draws him closer, letting one hand trace up and down along the knobs of his spine.

They're both selfish. Eren is shit, but he won't affirm that right now. ]

I love you no matter what you are, Eren.

[ He can't say he's never asked Eren to change. He did, once upon a time. Eren tried here, oh did he try, but Jean had to accept the same fact that Eren did: there was no path that did not end in the rumbling and the loss of eighty percent of humanity.

He leans their foreheads together, eyes falling closed. ]

I know I've been unfair. But ... I really do want you to rest, if you can, or at least take it easy. I can take care of the rest.

You weren't unfair. [Eren's voice has gotten quiet. There's no need to speak loudly when they're this close. Their foreheads are together, Eren's eyes squeezed shut.]

I love you. [He's struggled to say it to anyone else, but not to Jean, despite everything...] And I am.

All I do lately is sleep. Maruki is helping me fill in my memories...

[ He could argue he was needlessly cruel, then but he has a feeling it'd be a losing fight. Eren knows what he did, after all. Jean keeps his eyes closed; there's no need to look right now. ]

If there's anything I can do to help with your memories, I will.

If you don't want to rest, we can do something else. Read a book or take a walk, or train. Whatever you want.

[Eren's arms settle in heavier around Jean and squeeze. He hooks their ankles together, tangling their legs up close.]

There's no need to coddle me. [He has to say it. But...]

Whatever you want to do, I don't care. I want to be near you. That's all, Jean. [He won't ask for anything else. Jean can hate him the entire time he loves him if that's what it takes. Eren's earned that.

[He just wants to be near the ones he loves while he still can be.]

[ Jean doesn't stop Eren from tangling their legs together, making sure to hook one calf over Eren's. Even like this, after everything, it feels just as right as it did the first time. Familiar, comforting. ]

I don't coddle you.

[ He did, a little, when Eren was younger here; not anymore, he's resolved. ]

Then I'll tell you about the stars, and the planets, I've been learning about.

[ And, if Eren has no objections, he'll do just that. He's sure he's heard some of it before, from Armin. But he talks about galaxies, nebulas, planets; how the light in the sky takes thousands of years to reach them. How some of the stars are already dead, and they won't know it for a long time.

He tells him everything he knows, until his voice drifts off, and they're left in silence, holding each other close. ]

Edited 2024-10-16 04:37 (UTC)

[Video: this thing. Gliding around, eating dirt. Because this is the kind of thing you send your boyfriend who’s been through hell and came back to a different flavor of it, with only the following for context:]

BB gave me this. I thought it was funny.

[In the video, Aubrey whistles like she’s calling a dog. The roomba slowly turns around, indescript buttons glowing ominously… and then makes a singsong noise, complete with a music note bubble hologram.

[Fucking amazing.]

[. . .]

What is it?

It’s called a “roomba”. I guess in the future in my reality, they make these things to clean your house for you.

Everything else this one does is BB’s work, though.

[There's no way that thing cleans effectively...]

I didn't realize you two were close.

Move - I think I heard that goddamn cat. When I find her, she's out. Don't bother -

[And as he turns the corner to find the source of said Random Fucking Noise, that may or may not exist outside of his own paranoia, he stops. Halts. Dead in his tracks with package of Fantasy Kitty Treats gripped in his fingers. Korokke leisurely following Akechi, like she's gonna get a snack at the end of this. It's not for her!!! It's to find this other little shit, but-

There's Eren.

Just fucking there. He's over often enough for Akechi to be on guard, but not at this hour. Not this late. This is an abnormal new time to have the guy here and boy, despite the smile plastered on his face, he's not happy at all.]

Oh, you're staying for dinner? That's a pleasant surprise. Did you run out of food at your other homes? There's this company called Thermo - I'm sure you don't remember, but-

[OH HE HEARD. SOMETHING. OH HE HEARD A NOISE. NEKO-CHAN, he's coming for you.]

Regardless, it's nice to see you. Could you both move for a moment? I have to check something.

[ Ever the homemaker, Maruki pokes his head out from the kitchen to see where Akechi's run into Eren.

Sees the bag of treats.

Sees Korokke winding around his legs.

: ) ]

Ah, you just missed her, Akechi-kun. She ran out the side door and hopped over the fence.

[Eren has no idea what's going on, but he's pretty used to that by now. He doesn't know which mystery cat Maruki is referring to, and he definitely didn't see one run out the side door; however, he takes a sip of tea, speaking into his mug:]

I tried to stop her.

Is that so?

[The door is ajar.

Slight enough for a small animal to drag its body through. That's his first thought when he moves to investigate the corroborating story of this missing cat.

A cat that may not exist. Might. He kneels down to the doorframe, turning on the flashlight from his phone and eyeing the frame for any residual fur. No black hairs, no white ones - all would be easily spotted against the dark wooden frame.

No chance of the cat not shedding while squeezing through the door.

INTERESTING.

The flashlight goes off. He slams the door shut, and locks it with equal force.]

Eren, could you please relay the events that occured in the last twenty minutes? From beginning to end, no matter how minor the detail.

[Oh, he is sussy wussy in this naughty little ANTAG house. Korokke whines, and he throws a treat down at her. Shut up!!!]

Through text please, including a description of the cat in question.

[HIS EYES ARE ON MARUKI. DO NOT TOUCH YOUR PHONE. DO NOT TEXT EREN A STORY. ]

[A loooooooong sip of tea. Both hands on the mug.

[God. This is good tea.

[He lets out a sigh.]

I'm not typing all that.

[OH OK asshole.]

The last ten minutes then, since you're in a lazy mood, and a description of the cat.

Do you really want a beat by beat recounting of our conversation? She just ran through right before you walked in here, so most of that story wouldn't matter.

[ And then a mug of hojicha gets pushed into Akechi's hands too. ]

Sit. Relax. You're so wound up. She'll be back.

I'm not 'wound up.' This cat is quite the baffling mystery to me and it's odd, frankly, how no evidence of its life appears in this home. Isn't that strange?

[Oh, he takes the tea. It's whatever!!! He doesn't care!!

And heads over to take his place at his little kotatsu, no more treats coming out of his hand, but Korokke knows it's heater time. She waddles behind him. ]

But since it's outside, please let it stay there. While it might seem cruel, we can't take on every wayward creature that wanders by - human or otherwise. Of course, I'm sympathetic to any creature that must struggle. It's quite a sad necessity of life.

[NoT tO bE RuDe.]

But by all means, continue your conversation. Don't mind me.

[Eren casually gets up to join Akechi at the kotatsu.

[Can we talk about this tea?]

Oh, good. I was about to ask if you wanted to try it out. I think you'll like it!

[ Happily trailing along behind Eren, tea in one hand, lil snackie bowl of senbei in the other.

Now there are three people at the kotatsu! Yay!!! ♥ ]

If it's too warm, just say so. I think Akechi-kun turns it up so high purposefully so no one else will use it.

[Eren arrives. Then Maruki. He plasters a smile on his face as both take a seat.

OH OKAY.

Heat? Cranked up to the max. His legs? In the center, stretched out and splayed outwards to give everyone else little room to extend their own legs.

He's just so tall! He can't help it! Such a shame. ]

Oh, I would never do such a thing. My intent is for the comfort of all parties who want to use it. Sometimes the heater itself has issues at lower settings - it's unfortunate.

[Get fucked. No one's allowed near it.]

If you can't handle it, you're welcome to leave at any point. I wouldn't stop you, though I would miss your company, of course.

No need for that.

[Eren merely lays his legs over Akechi's. He's just so tall!]

It's comfortable enough.

[ What you two doin under the kotatsu? Leaving no room for Maruki, that's what. It's fine. He can sit criss cross applesauce with only his knees underneath. Oh, a cruel and unjust reality. Oh, an unloved, unwanted Maruki.

jk he's munching on senbei, watching Akechi become increasingly miserable, totally content. ]

Maybe I should wish for an even larger one. I didn't anticipate that we'd have so many guests over to use the kotatsu, but we could always have more! BB-san, and Aubrey, and Venat...

[Oh no he didn't.

Akechi doesn't flinch, move or otherwise show any discomfort at the fucking weight on his legs. No, he's fine. Doesn't give a shit at all. He's completely calm and at peace, as he grips the teacup tight in his palms.

So chill. Maybe he adjusts his legs, moving them upwards in a feigned display of stretching SO FAR. BIG BIG STRETCH. All to try to press Eren's knees up to the heater. Hopefully he doesn't get burned!!! That would be a shame!!!!]

Unnecessary - though you're welcome to get a second one for all the people you plan to invite over, Maruki-san. I never knew you to be this social. It's quite a surprise.

[Boy, Eren is stronger than you by miles. He weighs those legs down on Akechi's, pressing the boy's knees back against the floor. His grip becomes a little tighter on his mug too, but he doesn't let anything show aside from a quick sideways glance.

[Then, to Maruki, flat:] I like it better without so many people here.

[Isn't that so important? How Eren likes things to be in someone else's house?

[Anyway.]

Aubrey would be fine.

[ Honestly? Yeah, Eren's opinion is more important than Akechi's.

Besides, Maruki is just bullshitting. He has no interest in any more people knowing about the machiya than those who already do. ]

We'll invite Aubrey next time. The four of us would fit nicely around this kotatsu. I'm sure you two would learn to share for her, if not for me.

[This is such a chill, nice, fun conversation they're having. Literally so nice.

Akechi isn't trying to lift his legs with all the force in his lanky shrimp body - not at all. Definitely isn't getting riled because nothing is happening and he's effectively trapped. Can't move away, up, or out. Can't kick him. Can't do shit.]

Oh, I share just fine. She would have a spot here - I'm always amenable to the needs of others, even if it's unexpected. Eren, on the other hand, seems incapable of not taking up someone's personal space. Would you like some counseling about that? I'm sure Maruki-san would make a special exception for you.

Eh...[More tea for him.] I don't really do that anymore.

Yep. No exceptions, sorry.

[ Not true at all, actually. The work he and Eren are doing on his memories has functionally taken over the role counseling used to play in their relationship. Different flavors of the same thing.

More tea for him, too! ]

I know you're going to miss your weekly session, Akechi-kun, but you have to let it go.

[Well MORE TEA FOR HIM AS WELL.]

Don't imply I was coming to you for anything more than an update on an emergency. It was the easiest way to confer about our situation.

[The leg struggle? Temporarily abandoned. That's fine. He'll wait for Eren to let up and slam that shit up against the heater so quick.]

Congratulations on being officially discharged from counseling, I suppose. Your mental health seems better than ever, Eren.

[What are you gonna do? Burn him? Aw.

[Akechi's dig is actually funny. Of course, apropos of that, he doesn't laugh anymore - offers a dry:]

He realized it was a lost cause.

[ That is categorically untrue, but Maruki isn't about to get into a serious conversation when they're all just joshing around.

Also? Now that the struggle is abandoned, he's sticking his leggies under the kotatsu to get warm too. Hi! He's here too now! ]

Not a single one of my former patients has been too broken up over it, so clearly I wasn't really onto anything. [ SEE? LIGHTHEARTED. LIL. JOKES. HAHA. Time for more tea. ] And now I'm freed up for more time for things like this! We all win, don't we?

[He's going to fucking LOSE IT. Wow, tea is sure in his hands.]

Ah, so we do.

[Is all he says with a smile plastered on his face. Unbothered. Moisturized. In his lane.]

As long as both former war leaders are comfortable with the situation, I won't bring it up again. [He will.] It's fortunate we're back in a timeline where such peace is possible. My, it would difficult for us to sit around the kotatsu and chat back in that false reality. It makes me grateful for this opportunity.

[A glance at Maruki.]

Your former patients. I want to see that list. No reason.

[And a glance at Akechi.]

You're sitting at the kotatsu too.

[Sip.]

So to speak.

[Fuck off EREN.]

Oh, Maruki-san won't provide that. He's an advocate of privacy, though if I recall-

Webby may be able to get that for you.

[ Eren only gets a light whap on the arm for his trouble. No, he's not going to see that list, not even as a joke.

For Akechi, though– ]

Don't tell me you're still annoyed at not being made a leader yourself.

[ Sike. He's not acknowledging The Duck. Fuck you. ♥ ]

[That's the duck, right? 'Cause of the webbed feet...]

Why would I be? Ordering around some inexperienced people with my own minimal background isn't an effective use of time. Most people operated how they should have. I wonder what value a recently awakened ex-counselor had to them - it's fascinating.

[Eren's quiet - doing what? Akechi doesn't care. Sort through those swiss cheese thoughts on your own time.

It's so annoying. Not even the duck gets a reaction anymore.]

But I suppose you were a figurehead anyway, almost like a politician. No harm was done.

[ AlMoSt LiKe A pOlItIcIaN. God, shut up.

Akechi gets one (1) sour look from Maruki for that comment before he turns his attention to eren, nudges the bowl of senbei toward him. ]

That's code for "yes, I'm horribly annoyed, actually." But I assume you're as fluent in Akechi as I am by this point.

[Senbei. He takes one.]

I think he'd rather that not be true. [Senbei time.]

[???????? He is literally Right Here.]

I'm an open and honest person. There's nothing you need to be 'fluent' in. Please refrain from making bizarre comments like that.

Ah, of course you are. I'm sorry for implying otherwise.

[ Sweet, innocent lil senbei munch. ]

Do you want to explain your new tattoo, then?

[ OH, YOU THOUGHT HE DIDN'T NOTICE? There's a II inked on Akechi's finger, and Maruki's seen that shit in the early mornings when he's gloveless. ]

[Eren saw that in the bathhouse as well.]

Oh yeah. I forgot to ask about that.

[Words tumble out immediately, in a voice too high pitched to be natural, an expression smoothed over and feigned.

He is so goddamn fucking `STATIC` over it.]

A disgusting pest bit me. It's a temporary mark from that, and will go away on its own. It's not a tattoo.

What kind of pest? We should be aware so we can keep ourselves safe too.

Odd-shaped bite.

[God, these two are insufferable.]

A large one. You certainly wouldn't miss it, unless you were willfully obtuse. I've learned it tends to roll with swine for most of its life, though it will occasionally wander and bite anyone.

[ It tends to roll with swine.

Maruki pauses. Stares at Akechi, silent, calculating.

Then turns to Eren. His voice is flat with exhaustion. ]

BB bit him, then. Hopefully in her rabbit form.

[ Hopefully, but probably not!!!

Cool. He hates it. He's getting up to make more tea. Bye, freaks. ]

She bit you? What was the purpose of that?

[Unless. You know.

[Which he hates.]

[Some shit about authorities and marking him and wow she sure did do the most fucking sexual act possible on his finger and he was literally just guy standing there he was having such a nice day everyone was having such a nice day the garden was so quiet and he remembers thinking something was about to pop off and then she just appears to fucking stick his goddamn finger into her mouth, stop time and ohhhh of course she can stop time ooohhhh godlike ai stops time ohhhh little pathetic palace ruler stops time oohhhhhhh]

[hOpEFULly in her RAbBiT forM.]

Unclear.

[Eyes narrowing.

[He's gonna be pissed off at the prospect of BB fucking Akechi for the rest of the night.

[He'll go help Maruki make the tea...]

[Continued

Akechi texts late. Almost midnight by the time he gets around to it, though it was at the forefront of his mind. He spends his day-

Doing nothing. Eating dinner. Attempting to find a cat that he's convinced doesn't exist again and-

Then they're in the bathhouse - no one else in the facility, steaming hot water a reminder of a day spent here with the younger version of Eren not that long ago.]

I'm happy you could make it. It's been some time since we did this - our house has a bath, but I can't get it as hot as this facility does.

[Eren doesn't do much with his day either - spends a bit too much time, in fact, waiting for Akechi's text. He's nearly irritated by the time he gets it, but the easy atmosphere of the bathhouse has already relaxed him. He nods in agreement.]

You're right. You know my body runs warmer than most others'. If the water isn't at least this hot as possible, I can barely tell...

[He sinks far into the water, until his shoulders are covered.]

I wonder how hot they can make it. Did you know a normal human won't begin to boil alive until about 100 degrees Celsius? Even then, it would take a sealed off room to begin the process through air and humidity alone. In water, it varies. Anywhere from 50 to 70 degrees Celsius will cause injuries such as scalding to instant peeling of the skin from body the second you make contact with the water.

[It's so hot. He's content.]

They could stand to raise this temperature another degree or two.

[Eren has sunk below the water to his shoulders too, tempted to put half his face in as well. His chin skims the surface.]

Is that the sort of thing you think about? You must learn it all on that network you have in your reality, right? I remember...

My thoughts expand to many areas - it's difficult for me to turn my mind off, so it often wanders. Back in my reality, I was known for spacing out at times because of that.

[Difficult to happen here when there's 90 people who all know his name in a town the size of a litter box. A blessing and a curse - he can't ever let his guard down these days. Not for a second.]

But to your question - I do enjoy learning facts some might consider distressing or bizarre. It's fascinating to me. Do you know any?

That makes me think of someone...[Someone whose "thoughts expand to many areas" - always thinking...]

You're alike in some ways...

[He lets his face sink under the water all the way up to his nose for a moment, considering. He doesn't know all that many facts about the world or the way things work, but...

[He lifts his head up again.]

It's not really distressing, but it is strange. A titan's body is extremely light in weight.

They can still crush anything smaller than them as if they were heavy, but severed titan limbs weigh as much as a feather.

[Babykechi voice OH WOW!

That is interesting - Akechi's full attention on Eren as he relays that, his eyes falling to the water and the hidden appendages underneath.

To think that arm bringing him back to the Farm during a war would lack any power behind it the second it's severed.]

Is that so? I can hardly imagine that. I certainly wouldn't want to test it, but I can't help to be curious at the result of it.

[How do the logistics of that WORK.]

Is it the second a limb is severed or does it require time away from the body? Does it disappear like your form does when you leave the titan, or is something else needed to decompose your flesh?

Edited 2024-10-21 22:06 (UTC)

[Eren shakes his head. His hair is tied up higher than normal to avoid getting wet.]

Whether its a pure titan or the remains of a shifter's titan, it will decay in only minutes after the body is dead. As soon as it is, there's no weight.

[A quiet beat, and then:]

I do have the ability to leave a shell behind now, but it's not quite the same. It's crystal made through a hardening ability. Structures made from that material can stand for hundreds of years. Maybe more.

Edited 2024-10-21 22:12 (UTC)

[The fuck Eren?

At a minimum, such a skill will protect small areas of this world. It gets destroyed on a near monthly rate now.

He takes his eyes off the water - away from Eren's submerged arms and looks up to the ceiling.]

Titans are fascinating. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought such a thing could exist. In my own reality, we have legends about similar beings - gigantic skeletons staring into homes and giants that turn into mountains when humans rest their eyes on them.

[A beat, and-]

Though there's a place they live on, in a sense. If wonder if 'titans' reside in that place in my world.

[Eren is quiet for a moment, dull stare forward on the wall across from him. He's already adjusting to the heat. He eases out of the water to cool his shoulders again.]

At the end of the day, titans are just Eldians. They were all human once. Changed into monsters.

[His eyes glance sideways toward Akechi, though he doesn't move his head.]

What place is that?

[That's the truth and one he needs to keep close - humans transformed into grotesque creatures. They were human once. Eren was human once.

But it doesn't matter when Eren is Eren. Strong, determined, brutal.

And the Metaverse is full of that in a difference sense - human desires distorted into rot.

He stays submerged and lets the heat ease the tension in his body, every muscle relaxing in the steaming water.]

I suppose I've never told you, though I'm sure you've heard from Maruki-san at this point. There's a place in my reality called Mementos, or the Collective Unconcious. Worlds called 'palaces' in a human heart. Both hold the distorted desires of humanity - the beings inside taking the form of figures in common folklore to attack intruders as they're found.

[At this, a curious tilt of Eren's head in Akechi's direction. He's heard of the "collective unconcious" before - that's about it, unless he's forgetting something (many such cases).]

I don't remember hearing anything about mementos or palaces.

Those beings. Something other than a persona, you mean?

[It's a surprise - though little can be relied on when it comes to Eren's memories right now.

But if he knows, it's irrelevant. He can do nothing with the information and their alliance has been solidified over the months.

Years, for some.

He's seen Loki. Robin Hood. Knows more than many.]

Yes. Though there's a stark difference between them, despite similarities. A persona is a manifestation of willpower and rebellion in a human heart. Robin Hood. Loki. Azathoth.

Shadows are the opposite of it, in a way. A suppressed, unwanted nature manifest to accompany distorted desires. Persona tend to be unique to the user. Shadows lack that. You can fight 'Pixie' multiple times. Narcissus, Barong, Garuda -

[Shido's palace. Shido's shadows.]

In clusters, over and over. They tend to vanish, and reappear.

[He definitely hasn't heard anything about this. Akechi surely speaks from experience - has seen battle in a form that Eren didn't necessarily expect.

[It's exciting, to be learning this from him - not Maruki, who he expects to be forthcoming. His gaze sharpens on Akechi.]

It makes sense. If they come from the collective unconscious, then they would be of a common type, right?

Humanity's collective desires being disorted...That's pretty universal. I just wouldn't think of it manifesting that way...

[He can't help but relate it to a pure titan vs. a titan shifter - a shadow vs. a persona and the person its attached to. The commonalities are surprising...]

That would leave only the people with the strongest wills to fight, wouldn't it? That's pretty universal too.

[The details don't matter. Eren will never see it with his own eyes - won't ever grasp the difference between a distorted heart or a bizarre, twisting subway station full of creatures ready to kill.

They're the same, in essence. Both 'worlds' pull from the Metaverse. Show it in different ways.

The water really could stand to go up a few degrees. He can see his reddened fingertips just below the surface.]

The strongest desire to rebel against an unjust world and the ability to form a contract with that power inside of you. Of course, there's an argument to be made about whether someone should be battling in that place at all.

In fact, it's rumored people can die from it, if they're targeted. A stray attack killing a person's distorted heart, causing them to die in reality. Of course, that's all hypothetical.

["Hypothetical" is it?]

There is an argument to be made. What's the use in fighting against a distorted heart? If those rumors are true, then there's a whole new way of taking out chess pieces. Is that it?

[Eren's heart is distorted. He knows that much. Anyone who knows him knows that much. What would the use of fighting that distortion been in him? To stop him, clearly, with an attack like Akechi's described.

[Eren's wondered before - who is Akechi trying to "stop"?]

That's a bit cruel, isn't it? Imagine, a heart targeted because of the passing whims of another, your life lost with the death of an ego. A miserable end. A painful one, more than likely. Human beings aren't chess pieces, after all. You can't tip one over to end their life. You have to choke it out of them.

[Streams of blackened, murky blood flowing through eyes and mouth, choking on their own rot.]

It's a matter I was investigating in my reality - a rumor that 'Mental Shutdowns' occur due to such an attack. Though I'm fortunate that I have the ability to explore such a world, it's been a difficult connection to make.

Regardless of how difficult they are to take out, a chess piece plays the same role. Remove them, and you turn the tides of the game. I know you understand what I mean.

Surely, you've come to the same conclusion in your research.

I've noted it, naturally. But it would have to be a powerful person to pull those strings, unnoticed. To keep the dots from connecting with the masses. To hide from the few who can traverse that world, with someone under their own heel leaving a path of destruction.

[A God holding the leash of someone who would kill him.

It's so goddamn funny.

Similar words dropped in a group chat of criminal trash. Less words, less connections. They brushed it off, and paid for it.

It's incredible.]

Wouldn't that be something? I've had ample time to think about it in this reality. When I return, I'll be able to continue my investigation in full with a new perspective or two.

[Eren's eyes have been on Akechi for a while now. He keeps them there. Can't help it. His presence is arresting.]

Would you take advantage of it if you could?

[He won't answer truthfully, Eren knows, but his lies can speak volumes.]

It would have been a useful tool in the war I fought.

I assume you would take advantage of killing someone in their own heart, unprompted and without mercy.

[Eren would. Akechi has zero doubts about it, and the man doesn't lie about his intentions.

But he leans back against the stone wall, feigns thought. Finds meaning. Tries to decide what would it take to get him to kill someone in their own soul.

A single order, it turns out. A single chance at revenge.]

I think people can be pushed to do the unthinkable with enough motivation.

[A beat - he turns to back at Eren, and-]

Who's to say what a tipping point is. It would be ignorant to think I'm above it, but I would hope it would be in the most dire straits, with no other option afforded to me and that only the scum of society would suffer for it. To take a life is a point you can't return from. I'm sure you know that well.

[A long stare. Eren holds his gaze as long as Akechi will let him; if he looks away, Eren doesn't.]

It seems you do too. Talking like that.

[He doesn't look away - why would he, with nothing to hide. No sordid secrets. No bodies under his heel.]

Less than you think - I am a detective. I am on murder cases. I've spoken to a fair share of those relaying such feelings.

Of course. [Low, mocking.]

As usual, I don't believe you. I don't expect you to change your tone based on that alone, of course.

Like you accept the type of person I am, I'll have to come to accept the type of person you are too. It does make it more enjoyable when the shell cracks.

Is that so?

[This-

Is a reminder of how Eren grates on his nerves so easily. A volatile, aggressive boy who was less so in his later days was far easier to navigate than this smug shit.]

There's nothing to crack - there never has been. If that's your idea of entertainment, you've failed at it. However, I'm pleased to know you've finally accepted me as I am. What a gift you've given me after so many months.

I have.

[Eren's eyes fall; he looks Akechi up and down.]

At any rate, you should know you can't get rid of me by now. You'll lose the long game.

[Eren looks at him -

As if any of the shit out of his mouth is true. As if he believes a single goddamn word. As if his mind isn't as broken and distorted as those under Loki's thrall.

Eren doesn't have a goddamn clue. Akechi doesn't look away, even as his arms cross over his chest, body still submerged.

That look-

Reminds him of a false reality in a shared bed. The same one shared by half of Somnius. A farm left without a ruler. A boy who should've stayed in his reality to die alone, instead of coming back like nothing happened.

A front yard left barren when he vanished. Meeting places with only shadows to fill the seats. Sunlight on a cliff hitting nothing.

Nothing, and Akechi doesn't care. He left, and came back. He doesn't care. Will never care because it's pointless in any reality.

But he has the audacity to say-]

Oh, I can't get rid of you?

[Barbed at the edges, a prince in its shadow.]

That was so funny I almost puked.

[He's not laughing. ❤️]

What a bold statement. The world pushed you out only weeks ago, or have you already forgotten that too?

No, I think it's quite simple to get rid of you. Your weakness is apparent. I'm sure you'll be pulled back into a grave before long.

[The desired result is achieved - Akechi is angry - but it doesn't appear to be for the reason Eren intended. Eren hasn't particularly gotten the impression that Akechi was all that bothered by his absence. He half-doubts that for a moment, watching him through thin pillars of steam.]

I'm not going anywhere. [Quiet, cautious. He watches him.]

It was necessary once. Now, it's time to finish things.

[Still. Held taut. Akechi's own gaze doesn't waver - he stares up at Eren's face with insults on the tip of his tongue. A prison holds them in. He lets the water cover his lips to keep the prince from disappearing completely and-

Lets out an exhale, slow and calm. The bathhouse is a haven. This conversation is pointless. Eren can say whatever the hell he wants because their partnership ends when reality crashes.

He pushes himself back up until the water settles against the middle of his torso.

The words of a dead man don't matter.]

Very well.

[He raises a hand above water, as if waving off the conversation. A flash of 'II' inked into a finger. It falls just as quick.]

Let's hope you don't find it necessary again. You, or this world. Those able to unleash their rebellion are few and far between. We can't afford to lose those willing to fight against this unjust world.

[Eren is quiet for a minute. He lets the topic die - doesn't particularly feel like talking about rebellion at the moment. He and Akechi don't talk about much else. Tonight, he would have preferred to keep sharing fun facts.

[He sinks down into the water until its covering his nose. He can hold his breath for a long time. He didn't come to this bathhouse often. The only memories here feel almost identical to this one.

[Hatred, rage - wrapped in enough truth to make everything worth it, though, really, just time spent close mattered enough. Eren craves it. He wants to eat Akechi alive. It's an ache.

[He eases up out of the water just enough to speak.]

Tell me something else interesting.

[He goes back to-

That.

Akechi expected them to fall into silence, as usual. Wait out their time together, slink back to their homes with the same resolve always shared.

Eren speaks, and Akechi exhales in a way that might be mistaken as an exasperated laugh.

Stays silent a little longer. Ignoring him, potentially. He's deciding on whether he wants to or not when his mouth opens, words fall out - easy as ever. Tension there, but waning.]

Boiling was once a form of torture. Often a person was placed headfirst into a large object full of hot water, or another liquid. Other times, they would have to sit in an ice cold bath until it heated up enough to kill them. Knowing what happens to the skin and body -

I imagine at this temperature, they became quite afraid of what was to come. It's quite sad.

Yeah...[He hangs on the word, reaching to recall something.

[Casual as ever:]

I've been in a situation like that before. In a titan's stomach. There were dead bodies, and...living people too, getting boiled alive like you said...

[Anyway.]

That was the first time I transformed, actually.

[That's the most disgusting shit he's ever heard.

His stomach churns at the thought, body leaning in closer to Eren to listen because curiosity is a weakness he's yet to kill. A firsthand account of such a morbid scenario impossible to resist.]

If you were all being boiled alive, or I suppose digested is the better word - the agony you must have felt would have been unfathomable.

How did you manage to transform in such a scenario?

Well...

[He pauses a moment to scratch idly at his ear.]

It did hurt, but digested really isn't the right word. Titan's don't digest people when they eat them. They stay in that liquid for a while, then the titan coughs them up. Kind of like a cat with a hairball.

[Anyway.]

The transformation is unlocked by injury and intention. I'd lost an arm and a leg at the time too. I wasn't ready to die yet, so I must have put all of my intention into killing that titan.

Edited 2024-10-25 06:55 (UTC)

[Akechi does react - disgust apparent in the way his features scrunch. An act, and not. Morbid curiosity overriding all else.

He's fascinated by this whole ordeal and doesn't have the sensitivity training required to shut his mouth about it.]

What's the point? If it's only to suffocate and kill, there are easier methods. Though that's assuming the flesh doesn't melt away in the liquid - perhaps it's still a way to gain energy. Maybe it's the act itself, or..

[Titans are rational. Think. Feel. They know, surely. There's a reason for it somewhere.]

And then to have a titan transforming inside another titan - I assume it was killed in the process.

It was.

You've got it wrong, though...

[Some darkness starts to settle into his expression, though his tone remains dry, casual.]

Titans don't gain energy from eating humans. The closest guess we had was sunlight.

They aren't animals trying to survive so they can continue their species.

They're Eldians, transformed into monsters, sent to eat and kill other Eldians. That's the point.

[Killing for the sake of killing, torture for the sake of torture. He can see the necessity from a practical standpoint - Eren can be injured, but is seemingly impossible to kill by normal standards. It's a trait likely shared.

He finally sinks back into the water in thought - notes it.]

My, what a mess. Your reality was a test of fortitude.

[It deserved to sink under a sea of red.]

Drowning the world seems almost poetic now.

[Some odd distance to his voice...]

You think so?

Does it not sound that way to you?

[Tone noted. Ignored. Akechi wants to incite in any direction. See what pushes his buttons. Relearn someone he thought he knew and exploit it in the future. ]

A boy takes up a mantle against an unjust world - drowns it in rot, the way those around him were drowned in the guts of executioners.

There are plenty of people that feel that way. An entire movement.

[As for Eren himself, though...]

Both sides are the same. I came to realize that too. My actions weren't meant to be just. They were a means to an end. To say I stooped to their level...

You'd be right about that.

Does it matter?

[It tumbles out of his lips before he can stop it. The warmth of a bath, the knowledge of shared rot between them. It slips, for a second. For a minute.]

When left with no other option, no other path, with a world on your shoulders - what good does it do to be the bigger person?

[The water laps at his lips and cheeks, submerged and staying that way. Eyes fixated on water between them, on Eren's face reflected in it. Voice light despite the topic.]

It's a thought exercise of sorts - of course, no outcome was ideal. The world would have ended to another's hand if not yours.

[A pause - strands of wet hair pushed behind his ear.]

It's almost a mercy for you to take burden.

[Eren tries not to let what Akechi says get to him - not in the way that makes him angry, and not in the way that makes him feel...whatever it is when Akechi calls his actions a mercy.

[He doesn't flinch, but he feels like he has. He watches Akechi over the water. Sometimes it's impossible to tell whether or not he's being genuine. Eren wonders, though...]

Is that really how you feel?

[They don't deserve mercy - no one does. A world razed deserves it. It doesn't matter who starts it or whose arm raises to deal the killing blow. Everyone in society has a hand in ruining it. Everything that follows is deserved.]

I have no opinion on the matter, truly. It's beyond my scope and my opinion is irrelevant as an outsider. I'm only speaking in hypotheticals.

[A mercy. A burden, yes, but a mercy? He tries to imagine it being placed in someone else's hands - Mikasa, Armin, Jean...

[And he knows that weight. It hung around his neck until his head came off his shoulders. He's quiet for too long. He doesn't look cold; some pain bleeds in his eyes, staring ahead, away from Akechi, searching for something unseen.]

The people on Paradis Island were considered devils. Dangerous. Savage. Less than human.

Killing me made the Scout Regiment heroes. It should protect them for a long time.

[Is that the same thing as mercy?]

To say that I did it so they wouldn't have to, though...

[Another long pause. His brow pinches. He sinks deeper into the water.]

I don't know.

If they benefited, it doesn't matter if your intent was to help them. You did, in the end.

[The world itself is impossible for Akechi to grasp. The lives of all are meant to live in misery and what can be done for a reality where every single being is seen as an ant.

Akechi doesn't give a shit about ants.

Eren isn't an ant.]

Good intentions can't save the world. Bad intentions don't always doom it. If both actions end up helping - what does the origin matter?

[And that's all there is to it, really. A detective prince ready to raze the world. A god dooming it in a different way.]

But I think this discussion has given us enough to think about for one day.

That's it, then?

[Eren's eyes are on Akechi - ever on Akechi. There's almost something to them. What he feels is that odd fondness that exists only for one person - this person.

[Grief, rage, even hatred, but still...]

I'm not ready to leave you yet.

[Eren is odd.

Akechi feels a gaze on him again and-

Watches him from the reflection in the water, raises his head to match and-]

Neither am I.

[Not for a long time.]

Maruki-san made a meal yesterday I think you would enjoy - there are leftovers if you come over tomorrow.

[And for the remainder of the their time in the bath, he speaks - sparse and lighthearted. Topics easy to navigate and answer.

Stays there, until they're both ready to go home.]

[ Hot on the heels of this, Maruki has his phone out and is walking the path to the farm even before he realizes what he's doing. ]

What are you doing right now?

[Ha. He's not sure he could answer that if he tried.]

I'm at the farm. Are you coming?

Yes. I need to talk to you right now. Is anyone else around?

[This is serious, then.]

Come to the barn. I'll shut the doors.

[The hayloft is made up comfortably now.]

[ No, he means right now right now. As he's walking, hands numb with the panic and dread that's finally been able to begin properly settling in. ]

Kurusu is here.

He doesn't know me at all.

[No.

[No.

[He moves swiftly toward the forest connecting their two properties, dialing Maruki on the phone.]

Edited 2024-11-08 15:38 (UTC)

[ He's– oh, he's calling.

God.

If he talks, he thinks he might scream, and he's still too close to home to do that. His voice is Very Measured when he picks up. ]

I'll be there soon. I should have gotten my bike... I wasn't thinking.

Maruki. [Immediate, the second he's done talking, with a gentle firmness he wouldn't give to anyone else. He attempts to be grounding.]

I'm coming to you now. I'll be with you soon.

Breathe. We'll find the answer.

[ Maruki stops in his tracks, and it's immediately a mistake. His knees buckle. If he stops, he's going to sink to the ground. He grits his teeth, forces himself to keep walking.

And he breathes. Every breath hurts. ]

I need to get away from here.

[ Is his voice shaking? He can barely hear himself over the pounding in his ears, but he certainly doesn't feel steady, so it must be. ]

I can't– he's at the machiya, so I can't be near there right now. Please.

I'll take you away.

[Eren's pace is nearly a jog. He moves through the last stretch of Horizons' fields and cuts into the woods. He makes no attempt to be quiet. The rustling should alert Maruki that he's coming (assuming he has awareness enough to notice at all).]

I know where to go. Keep moving toward the farm.

I– okay. Alright.

[ Maruki's not saying anything more than that. If he starts talking, he won't stop. If he stops walking, he won't start again. He's too much in his own mind, so far outside his body, everything on autopilot as high, tinny static grows louder in his ears.

He doesn't know if he should still stay on the phone, silent save for his breath, but he does just in case Eren has to tell him where to go. At this rate, they'll meet in the middle, and– what? Sit in another lantern-lit circle?

Maruki is going to be sick. ]

[Eren stays on the phone. Neither of them talk. At one point, he pulls the device away and gives a sharp whistle with his fingers. It cuts through the air.

[When he sees Maruki, he carelessly drops his phone to the ground and closes the space between them, gripping his friend by either bicep. He looks him in the eye.]

I'm here.

[Elke canters into view behind him. Eren doesn't move toward her just yet.]

We need to get away, right? We will. Just hold onto me, Maruki.

[ The hand holding his phone to his ear drops to his side, though his fingers stay white knuckle tight around it. Eren reaches for him – grounds him – and speaks impossible words.

Maruki glances behind him, sees Elke. Then back to his friend. He's far from blank. There's too much going on behind those eyes, even though his words come out stilted, numbed. ]

Where?

[ But he holds on. Phone pocketed, he brings his hands up to wrap around Eren's forearms, the two of them holding one another in place. He holds on. ]

[Eren nods, as if the answer to that question was as simple as a, 'yes'; but he'll continue.]

To the windmill. No one ever bothers with that place.

[Still holding strong to Maruki, he begins to inch them both back toward Elke.]

I'll help you get on.

[He can quite literally lift him into place if necessary.]

[ The windmill. Maruki's never been.

He exhales, sharp with relief. Nods. Walks closer to Elke, heavy step by heavy step. ]

I've never ridden a horse...

[ He's deliberately avoided it for all the months they've spent on the farm. It terrifies him. Or it did, it should now– but it doesn't. He'll let Eren help him up. He'll do whatever Eren tells him to do so he doesn't get kicked off and die instantly, because horses are dangerous. He doesn't have any fear left over to spare. ]

I know. [Voice quiet. He helps Maruki onto Elke's back. She's a patient animal. She stays still and calm. There's no danger.

[Eren climbs on next. He's adept enough to do so without disturbing Maruki. Once they're both seated, he glances back at him.]

Hold onto me. I won't let you fall.

[ He's on top of a horse.

Eren is in front of him.

Maruki holds on even before he's told.

Arms around his best friend, cheek smashing into his back as he leans forward onto him. It happens without Maruki meaning to, as if the weight of everything simply toppled him over.

He nods. ]

I trust you.

[ More than anyone, really. ]

[Eren takes off. Elke is fast and strong. Maruki wants to be far away from the machiya, and the farm isn't far enough. Eren doesn't know all the details yet; Kurusu is here, and he doesn't remember Maruki.

[It's the greatest sin he could commit

[That's fine. Eren will pick up the pieces. He'll spend two thousands years rebuilding Maruki out of sand. He'll return the care he's always been given. He won't leave Maruki's side.

[They make it to the windmill. Eren dismounts easily, but it will be tricky for his friend, who's never had to before. Eren reaches up to wrap his arms around Maruki's waist.]

Come on...[Assuming the man latches back onto him, he'll easily and safely pull him down.]

[ They'll have to do this again sometime in the future, when Maruki is cognizant enough to take in the excitement of the world rushing around them as Elke gallops along. He has just enough awareness to realize that he should be thinking about how cool this is, but not enough to actually do so.

They come to a stop, and Eren's all but hoisting him down onto the ground himself. Maruki doesn't have it in him to protest, to flail around trying to dismount himself. He simply wraps his arms around Eren's shoulders, lets it happen.

When his feet hit the ground, he finally speaks. ]

I told them I'd be back for dinner. If you could just– keep track of time for me.

[ A beat. ]

I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing.

Don't worry about them now. [He isn't going back there.

[Eren takes Maruki's hand and leads him into the windmill. There's a great urgency to be alone. No one else needs in on this conversation.

[The heavy door slams shut behind them. He turns and takes Maruki by the shoulders, gripping tight.

[What now?

[Eren takes his hands away; he pulls Maruki into his arms.

[Head to the chest, hand to head; there is no part of Eren that doesn't understand the devastation. Maruki doesn't have to explain. He's told Eren enough already; Eren has listened.]

[ The door closes, and the windmill is silent, so still that he can see dust particles floating through the weak sunbeams that filter in through the slatted windows.

And then he can't see anything at all. His face presses into Eren's chest, a hand at the back of his head. Strong, warm, safe. It's safe here. He's safe.

Maruki's fingers wind into the fabric of Eren's coat as he clings on, knuckles going pale and trembling with effort.

He doesn't have to explain, no, but it starts to spill out. ]

It's as if we never met.

[ That blank expression, confused and guarded in equal measure. That tension visible in the lines of his shoulders and jaw when Maruki was too familiar, too quickly.

Maruki's voice is a harsh, tight whisper. ]

What the hell is wrong with this place? Why?

It's Hell. [He whispers it.

[Where they're standing, Eren slowly, slowly, slowly begins to sink toward the ground. He never releases his hold, gently bringing Maruki with him.

[His dearest friend has forgotten him. The love of his life did too.

[Why should he have to stand?

[Eren brings them to the floor. He keep his knees bent, spaced apart, feet flat. There's plenty of room for Maruki to crumple against him. Eren will envelop.]

They want us to suffer. [A gentle hand through familiar hair.] We do...

It's not fair.

[ Standing, sitting – Maruki will do whatever Eren does. There is something percolating inside him, but it isn't close to boiling over yet, and until it does he doesn't have the strength to do anything else. Eren sinks down, and so does he. Eren makes a space for him to collapse in, and so he does.

They want us to suffer, and they do, but can that really be it? ]

He's– there's almost a year separating what I last remember and what he does. He's lived beyond my time, even if he doesn't know me, and I just think–

[ Bile rises, swift and acrid. Maruki swallows it down, strangles out a little noise as he sits up straight. His arms around Eren's back fall loose, and he looks at his best friend face to face. There's nothing but abject terror in his wide eyes. ]

I just think, what if he lived through a future I had something to do with? What if I accidentally erased his memory of me too? [ It wouldn't be the first time. Eren knows that. He's panicked. ] It could be my fault. It could be.

[It could be.

[It's likely, even. Maruki knows this as well as Eren does; the terror in his eyes shows it. He's seen parts of his future - real, maybe, or maybe not - but, if Eren remembers correctly (always a gamble), there was no true confirmation. Kurusu is here now, the truth laid out before Eren's dear, dear friend.

[They can both see how it looks.

[Eren takes his friend by the shoulders, leveling their gaze.]

What you know about memories and what I know about memories can't compare. Remember what I told you.

They aren't so easy to destroy.

Maruki.

[Firm. There is no force stronger than you and I.]

Maruki...

[Gentle. Eren's hands massage at stiff muscle.]

That memory is alive. Suppressed, maybe, but it is alive.

I know it is. [Trust me.] I know.

[ There's so much desperation into Maruki's gaze. He wants to believe Eren. More than anything, he wants to believe that there's any possibility of the Akira that he knows still being somewhere in the boy who's found himself here. Actualization can be broken, after all – in another life, another reality, Yoshizawa unchained herself and railed against him with all she had. It's possible...

But that's supposing that it is Maruki's fault. And that's his fear, yes, but there's another one competing with it. In many ways, it terrifies him more. ]

I know. [ Whispered, then stronger. ] No, I know... But it could also be that we really are from different realities. [ His stomach lurches; he's pale, clammy. ] So, if that's the case...

[ Maruki falls quiet, the words refusing to come forth, and then he laughs. Wet and choking and without a single hint of mirth. One hand slips up beneath his glasses, heel of his palm digging into his eye as another bark of a laugh escapes. ]

I don't understand. How could we have never met?

[ It feels impossible. It should be impossible. His guiding light. ]

[Because not everyone is as inevitable as Maruki and Eren. Because not everyone meets their best friend in every reality. Because Kurusu isn't a god, capable of skipping through timelines and warping the very fabric of reality however he so chooses. Because Kurusu is not Eren, and so he's not Maruki, and so, they can only ever be separate, when everything ends, when there's only a wretched place like this left.

[That being said...]

You're meeting now. You get it, don't you? Think about it.

Even if this Kurusu is from a reality where you never met, he found you here. You found each other.

You and I...it's different with us, but...

Hythlodaeus followed us here too. If two people are meant to meet - if you believe that like I do, like we've talked about, then...

[It makes sense. He isn't placating Maruki. He wouldn't.]

This is where the story starts. He still needed you. He found you.

[ If I won in a world without you in it, I'll never lose in one that has you.

This is where the story starts. He still needed you. He found you.

It hurts. Worse than spilling his heart out about Rumi on a couch in the farmhouse, on a darkened path through the woods, in a bathhouse, on a starlit cliff. Worse than having his back gouged by a fallen kaiju, or his throat collapsing as a rock beats down against it, or being impaled and shredded by Rashomon. It hurts, sudden and visceral and blinding.

Maruki yanks off his glasses, sets them down on the floor somewhere beside them. Covers both eyes now, palms digging in, fingers winding up into his hair and hanging on tight. There's a burning in his chest as his teeth grit tight enough to shatter, and he tries to breathe, because it does make sense. It does. It makes sense. Maruki knows it does. But– ]

I don't want this.

[ Small, wretched, miserably selfish. Maruki shakes his head, grinds his palms against the heat rising up behind his eyes, clutches at his head like he used to during the migraines that preceded Azathoth.

It's not strictly true. Of course he wants to start their story again. Of course he wants anything to do with Akira, even if it's painful. Of course he will.

But there's an irrational part of him that he never allows to surface. Always tempered, always logical, always setting aside his own emotions to do what's right. That part of him doesn't want to have to rebuild something that's supposed to be so foundational. It's hard, and it hurts, and he doesn't want to do something so hard, he doesn't want to hurt. He doesn't want to hurt.

Another shake of his head, another pitiful admission through a wet, choked-off voice. ]

I don't want this. I want him here.

[ I want my friend. ]

Edited 2024-11-11 06:19 (UTC)

[Maruki's misery is laid out so plainly in front of Eren, and it hurts.

[Maruki, ever strong, ever steady, crumbling on the dusty floor of a nigh-abandoned windmill with only Eren's body there to anchor him. Eren has never seen his friend in a state like this.

[He shifts closer, pulling Maruki close against his chest, cradling his head as if he were a child, pressing his nose into his hair.]

I know. [Whispered. Fingers trail over Maruki's spine.]

I know. [He hasn't experienced it himself. It's difficult to imagine, given that, but he tries - tries to think of how it would feel to see Armin walk through town, not a hint of recognition on his face as their eyes meet--

[Eren takes a long, deep breath. He breathes against Maruki. He breathes so he can feel it. He breathes so his friend can breathe too.]

I know. [What else can he say? He closes his eyes. He kisses the top of Maruki's head, gentle, lingering. It's what Eren's mother would do for him. It's what Maruki would do for Eren.

[He rests his cheek there afterward, holding tight. Eren is not built to soothe, but he tries. He tries...]

I'm here. I've got you, Maruki. I've got you.

[ It isn't a stretch to say this is one of the most phenomenal kindnesses Maruki has been shown in his life, in any reality. Eren holds him, lets him make himself as small and miserable as he feels, lets him repeat that selfish desire again and again, quiet and muffled into his chest until he feels the salt sting of tears beginning to make his throat hoarse.

He goes quiet after a bit. Goes still, heartbeat hammering against his ribs, like a slowly calming prey animal that hasn't yet learned to trust. Breathes, matches his breath to Eren's. He's held. Eren has got him.

They stay like that for some time. Eren would be forgiven for thinking Maruki has worn out already, taken one hit too many and collapsed silently in on himself, held upright only by two strong arms. If the pain was too great for Maruki to speak another word for the rest of the day, he knows that he would be allowed that silence.

But that bottomless despondent pit in his soul wasn't what manifested his persona, neither as a voice in his head in a hospital room, nor as a wavering vision of its true form while the sky above Tokyo turned dark and crimson. Maruki lives in grief, spends every day mired in sorrow – but when the chips were down, it was rage that propelled him forward first. ]

I don't have anything.

[ Still quiet, still muffled into the fabric of Eren's shirt. But it strikes somewhere deep in his chest, steel against flint, and he finds himself sitting up. ]

In the true reality. I have nothing.

[ Somewhere in the very back of his mind, there is a memory of a memory of a memory, like fogged glass submerged in water: Broken and beaten, high above Odaiba, mask thrown away, letting years worth of pain bubble up and burst forth by screaming at the person he trusted most.

The parallels hit him first; the bitter irony hits him next. He's wanted Akira here for a thousand different reasons. Chief among them to ask him about that, on the off chance he came from that future of theirs – to be able to talk to someone who was there for him at the lowest moment that he's yet to experience, who saw him at his worst.

Akira has lived beyond that without ever living it. He'll never know.

And now it's Eren who faces him as he boils over. He's already helped Maruki kill every last one of his regrets. He shouldn't have to do this too.

And yet.

There's no self-pity in his words. Only frustration, pent up tight for years, exacerbated by being in this fucking place, coalescing rapidly into anger. Eren hasn't heard him like this. No one has. ]

I have no family. No friends. No colleagues. No future for my career. No purpose. Nothing. Whether my future is inevitable or not, I'll go back to nothing– you won't be there. Akechi will die. Rumi doesn't remember me.

[ His voice breaks on her name, but it doesn't stop the fury from steadily compounding with every word. Somewhere along the line, he's pushed himself far enough back to face Eren on the floor, no longer wrapped in his arms. One of his hands presses hard into the center of his own sternum. He can't feel it. ]

I threw it all away– for nothing. [ The word has ripped out of him more viciously with every repetition, and it's all bloodied barbs now. ] I thought– if nothing else, there'll always be Kurusu– but even that isn't guaranteed, is it? Is it!?

[ If there was more to come after that, neither of them will ever know. Coherency dies as his rage hits its zenith, and all at once, Maruki buries his head down into his hands, one palm half-clasped over his mouth as he cries out, a sob and a scream all at once.

And then–

nothing. ]

["Akechi will die."]

[Heard. Filed. Not the point.]

[Eren knows rage. Maruki only needs to sit up and shift away for the scent to hit his nostrils like a shark smelling blood. It doesn't matter that he's never seen it before. It doesn't matter that it's shocking. It doesn't matter that it's Maruki, and that Maruki isn't meant to get upset - Maruki isn't meant to scream, and cry, and condemn, and hate, and feel, and be, but Eren doesn't shy away.

[No, Eren would never shy away. Would never look upon him with disgust, or surprise, or disappointment.

[No.

[No.

[Because Eren knows very well who Takuto Maruki is. Eren knows very well who they are. Eren knows that a man does not bring the world to a ruin of his vision without hatred and misery in his heart.

[Maruki's rage would shock a weaker person, a stupider person, a person more easily tricked, but not Eren.

[Not. Eren.

[These are two men who cannot hide from each other - foolish that Maruki ever tried; Eren forgives him. The man raises up across from Eren, and Eren shifts onto his knees in return, mirroring his friend's height as his voice raises, disturbing birds nesting in the rafters of the windmill.

[They face each other. Eren holds Maruki's gaze, eyes burning, alight with shared fire, all the same vitriol for the world that destroyed him.

[No family, because Eren's ripped them apart, left their bodies strewn, bloody, wherever he found them; they left Maruki alone.

[No friends, because Eren has ground them all up between his mollars, tongue salted with viscera; they left Maruki alone.

[No colleagues, because Eren has razed their offices to rubble, bodies crushed beneath it, limbs sticking out at all the wrong angles, no better than bugs; they left Maruki alone.

[No Akira Kurusu, because Eren
will not

allow Maruki

to be
crushed

again.

[If he cannot destroy, he will stalk, and prowl, and watch, and wait...

[For as long as it takes.

Forever.

[In this reality

and all realities.

[Because Maruki is wrong. He doesn't have nothing. He doesn't have no one.

[Eren's voice rumbles out low and vicious, more beast than man.]

You have me.

[Maruki is silent, his cry still echoing in Eren's ears. Eren brings a hand to his face, tender, deadly.]

Don't. Forget.

There is one guarantee in this place, that place, any place. [He spits the words.]

I am your inevitability. I am your guarantee.

And I will not. Leave your side.

There is no Hell strong enough to keep me from you.

None. [A new echo off of the stone walls.]

You know me well, Maruki, but even if you don't know the full reach of my power. [A thumb strokes lovingly over his cheek.]

I'll rip apart every last reality there is.

[ Maruki listens.

He stays quiet save for his hunched shoulders heaving with every gasping breath as his body catches up to the millions of miles his mind ran without it. Keeps his face in his hands, the feeling slowly returning as his blood reduces to a simmer. Shame and embarrassment rise up hot and sharp before anything else, but–

Even that is tempered, because Maruki is listening.

He understands how Eren could raze the world. When he first found out about it, he'd felt a lot – shock, terror, despair, an unmistakable curiosity to know more – but he'd never felt a spark of kinship. Not until now, the worst rot of his soul having been laid bare in front of Eren over and over again, accepted and reflected back to him tenfold.

And in the end, it's what he needs to hear. It's more than reassurance, and the words aren't empty. It's very nearly a vow.

A hand against his cheek. He still doesn't lift his head, not until that singular promise echoes, and when he does–

I'll rip apart every last reality there is.

Maruki doesn't doubt it. Not at all.

He exhales, shaking so hard that it catches in his chest. Swipes angrily at each teary eye with the back of his wrist, shaking his head. ]

I haven't forgotten. I won't...

[ He blinks, tries to clear the blurred fog from his eyes. Eren is still a little out of focus without his glasses, and he squints to try to sharpen it, feeling pathetic. Rage propels him when he needs it most, yes, but it also mellows back down into misery the moment the heat gets turned down. ]

You're all I've got, then.

[ It's stated as a simple fact. A confirmation more than anything. No resignation or despair in it – Maruki just wants to reaffirm what he already knows to be true. At times, that's more of a comfort than anything else. ]

[Eren keeps Maruki's face in his hand. He nods, slow, eyes still locked with that of his dearest, truest, closest, most sacred of friends.

[Despite it all - the pure, violent rage that, only moments ago, filled the windmill - his voice is soft.]

I'm all you've got. You're all I've got.

[ It's a relief. Shouldn't be, but it is.

He wants to fall backwards. Lay on this dusty floor, stare up at the rafters, and let the world go on without him for a moment.

It should start snowing in Somnius soon, shouldn't it? Time really is a funny thing...

Instead, he tips forward again. Rests himself back into his best friend's arms, head thunking down onto his shoulder, fingers scrabbling against his back to twist in the fabric of his coat. ]

I'm sorry. I know I don't have to apologize, just... let me.

[ Rage begets misery begets exhaustion. There's nothing left now, only emptiness. He could sleep for hours. Maybe he will, before he has to return home and face whatever there is to be faced. ]

[Eren doesn't acknowledge the apology. Maruki asks to be allowed it, so it's allowed, but that's all. Eren takes the man easily back into his arms. His heart still pounds against his chest, full of its own righteous rage, but he tempers it down. He can do that now.]

Just rest a while, now.

There's a space upstairs, when you can make it. [Pillows and blankets that Eren brought up for Aubrey either days, months, or years ago; they should still be there, unless someone else has taken them.]

[ Space upstairs– he doesn't even question it. Just nods. When he can make it. Eren isn't rushing him along; he never has. Maruki is allowed to simply be for the moment, and isn't that the greatest kindness of all?

It's quiet again, until it isn't. ]

He's the same as I remember him, though.

[ Soft, pained– but fond, undeniably so. ]

It isn't his fault. It's either my fault, or it's simply a matter of different realities messing with us. He's the same... That's a relief, at least.

[ Bless him, but he can find the silver lining in anything. ]

Everything I told you about him before is still true. I think you two would get along. I hope you get to know him too.

[Eren feels nothing but distaste at Maruki's pitiful endorsement. On some level, he must realize that he'd only say the same about Armin, were the situations reversed; then again, maybe he'd be angry. Maybe he'd be betrayed. Maybe he'd show some of that same rage that Maruki just showed him - Eren hates to know that it's pointed more at himself than anything, but, of course it is...

[He tries to force his voice into something even, but there's a definite edge to it. He keeps a tight hold of his friend.]

I won't interfere. [That's all he can promise right now, and he doesn't mean it one bit.]

[ Oh, Maruki hears that edge. It doesn't surprise him, either. He knows Eren like he knows his own soul. He knows how he feels about all the people who have hurt Eren, even if it was entirely unintentional on their part. They're the same, he knows...

It's not something he'll press. Eren can feel however he feels. It won't change the fact that he'll do anything to build a new relationship with this Akira. Eren's words from before still ring true: Akira found him here, so he must need him. No matter how painful it is for Maruki, maybe it was meant to happen this way for both of them.

It also won't change another, much more pertinent fact. Maruki doesn't know if it's something he needs to state outright, but–

It can't hurt.

He picks his head up, leans back enough to be able to look Eren in the eye again. ]

I want to say something important.

[ Before, he'd ask if that was okay, or tell Eren to please hear him. They're not things that need to be done anymore. ]

Even if we manage to become as close as we were back in my reality– or closer, even...

[ It feels impossible, but Maruki knows better than to bet against anything here. He and Akira will go through things that he never could have dreamed of back in Tokyo. Their relationship will be different, inevitably. Maybe stronger. Maybe not. He doesn't know. Either way, though– ]

You're important to me. More than anyone else. [ Words Eren has said to him, repeated firmly, with all the conviction he can grasp through his exhaustion. ] I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality, even.

[ And despite everything that's transpired, despite that horrific well of rage and pain he's put on display for Eren now, despite how miserable the coming days and weeks and months will be as they're put through hell after hell–

Maruki smiles. It's nothing less than entirely genuine. ]

It's special. You are, I mean. Nothing will change that.

[Maruki's words are...disquieting, if only for the fact that Eren hadn't fully realized he needed to hear them. He has no reason to feel threatened - doesn't feel threatened when Jean is with Dolph, or when Aubrey and Akechi hang out alone (at least, not anymore). Jealousy is not a pretty or proud emotion, and certainly not one he wants to own up to.

[Maruki and Eren are impossibly close. They may as well be one person, split into two pillars. 'I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality.'

[Eren feels the same. Even when it comes to Armin, the two can't truly compare; equally important, but so irreconcilably different.

[So, he gets it. But he still feels...

[Young. Lonely. A boy who had trouble making friends. He can't quite look at Maruki.

[And then he hears the word "special". He closes his eyes for a long moment.]

"Special"...

No. That's wrong...

[He opens his eyes.]

I remember what you told me about Kurusu. He's a special person. He's the type of person that might save the world, right?

I've known special people too. Someone like me, though...

I'm not special at all. That's why...

[That power never should have been handed to him.

[He doesn't finish his thought.]

You are dear to me. Maruki. That's enough, so...

You don't have to be special either.

[ Maruki's brows crease in brief, mild confusion – it's simply factual that they are both special, it's not as if normal people can manipulate reality at will – but then again, he gets it. Or he thinks he does, anyway. How many people has he told that he's a normal, regular man, even after they've seen what he can do? In the end, he wants to be treated the same as anyone else.

Still, though... ]

Whether or not either of us are special, you're still special to me. That's all I meant.

[ He thinks he should say something more, falters, squeezes one of Eren's arms instead. ]

You're enough, too.

[What is this unique grief that Eren feels? To be "enough" has never been. Maybe to his mother--

[All...Eren's thought about lately, with Maruki more than anyone, is his mother...

[Perhaps there are only two people who have ever truly loved Eren without condition. He grieves that. It feels...unfair.

[Who loves Maruki unconditionally?

[At least one person.]

I love you. Just like this.

[ It isn't the first time Eren has told him that. It is the first time since his return, though.

Quite honestly, Maruki never expected to hear it again, and he could live with that. It's the same as not needing to see Eren smile or laugh to know when he feels like he wants to – he's never doubted his friend's love for him. Not since the night they broke away from a festival to sit in a circle of flickering lantern light and share the greatest pains of this power; certainly not since Eren kept his promise and came back.

So to hear it now, of all times–

It's painful, isn't it? Like rubbing antiseptic into a wound. Healing as it hurts. It shouldn't be possible for Maruki to be loved without reservation or condition and not lose it in the end. It shouldn't have taken a false reality to prove otherwise. Yet here they are.

He won't lose Eren. He'll return to the true reality, he'll have nothing, but he still won't lose Eren. There's always the next life.

Maruki reaches out, pulls his best friend into him. Tucks his head against his chest, a mirror of what Eren did for him earlier. Hugs him tight, tighter. ]

I believe you.

[ Which is a bigger thing than he can put into words. He thinks Eren knows, though.

Face tucked down to bury into Eren's hair, muffled, quiet: ]

It's the same for me. I love you, exactly as you are.

[ Don't change. Don't leave. ]

['I believe you,' Maruki says. Eren is pulled against his chest. He lets out a breath.

[And it isn't a laugh.

[Because Eren doesn't laugh.

[But it is a breath.

[And it's fond.

['I believe you,' he says...

[Eren nods. His voice comes out tight.]

I believe you.

[It can be hard learning a new kitchen space, but it's something that puts Akira at ease. It always has, even back during the first days that he moved to Leblanc. Now, with the situations with both Akechi and Maruki... it's probably something he needs now more than ever.

The pantries are well-stocked, at least. He hadn't really known what to expect from either of them, but it seems like at least one or both must cook fairly often... Enough to have a good stock of supplies and a good arrangement of equipment.

He looks around. Nobody else is with him here, except for the cat watching him with careful eyes from a short distance away. Assessing him, most likely, til she feels comfortable with him; he's a stranger that just arrived in her house, after all.

...Akira should probably try to get comfortable here too, though. He'd thought about it yesterday, but he's decided now. He'll cook breakfast for them. Things may be complicated, but he's up before (seemingly) anyone else. It's the least he can do. It seems like there's enough to scrounge together for curry, so...

It's quiet as he goes about his work. There's a peace to falling into the familiar steps, even if he's unsure if he should be worrying about the ingredients at all. His new housemates seem to be living here and eating the food, even if it's cognitive, so Akira isn't going to think about it too hard. What he is going to do is grab a cup and see if there's any coffee to make. Akira turns-

and

in the corner

is a man glaring from the shadows.]

Shit-

[It's hissed out between his teeth, his body jerks, his elbow goes out-

and curry splatters all over the ground.

There's a long stretch of silence. Akira doesn't move, hand tightly clutching the mug in a death grip, waiting to see if the man will move instead. Or speak. Or at least stop glaring.

But he can't stand leaving that mess on the floor. Akira needs to move, he needs to do something, so he finally moves the slightest centimeter and says-]

Are you having breakfast here, too?

[Eren knew that Kurusu would be here, of course. It's why he's here now - before Maruki wakes up and realizes all over again that nothing here is only a bad dream.

[He told himself he'd be calm, so he's calm. He never told himself he wouldn't stare. Maybe it isn't intentional, at first; he can watch the boy move about the space as he works without ever being seen, go intercept Maruki at his bedroom door before the smell of food wakes him up.

[At some point, the stare becomes something else.

[Kurusu will know Eren Jaeger. He will know him well and right away. He will know that he has a key to the machiya. He will know that Takuto Maruki is

very

dear

to Eren.

[Memory is both mutable and everlasting; Eren really did believe it when he told Maruki that he and Kurusu's time together still lived in the boy's soul.

[However.

[Kurusu has more ability to hurt Maruki than anyone else in this reality - than anyone else in most. Eren must be present. Eren must be near. Eren is not a friend of Akira Kurusu's. As it stands right now, he's not so much human as a beloved family pet.

[Shadows hang all around the machiya, but Eren moves closer, silent toward the kitchen, stare never wavering. It's not a particularly vicious glare; still a glare.]

You'll see me often. My dear friends rest here. [Oh, but those words do not sound kind.]

I've heard your name, Kurusu. You should learn mine.

[It should instill fear. It sounds like more of a threat than a statement, and there's something so terribly menacing in that glare. He's in a house without Morgana, so far from all of his most beloved friends, with two people he's still deciding if he should trust - one because a seed of doubt lingers, and the other because it's already been proven before that trusting him could be fatal. And now, in the midst of it all, someone is here - how did he even get inside - that may not mean him well.

He should be afraid. He should be on guard.

And yet.

The two other people that live in this house... Akira may have difficulty trusting them, but they've never stopped being important to him. Even if one of them he met for the first time less than twenty-four hours ago.

And so, Akira's body does not become tense - it relaxes. Akira's face does not close off - it becomes almost unbearably soft.]

...You know them. You know both of them, don't you?

[His voice is soft, too - relieved. Maybe just a little bit sad, if one were to really listen hard for it.

His death grip on the mug loosens, and he straightens out of where he'd slouched against the counter as he was startled. The heat on the stove is turned off, at least for now.]

You're right. I'd like to know your name.

[His fingers still itch with the desire to clean, there's a mess there- but he waits. Akira forces himself to wait, just for a moment, because he wants to look at him when he says his name.]

[Eren has been told that Akira is a "good" person. He supposes he has no reason to doubt that - perhaps, logically, realizes that he had no hand in forgetting Maruki, and yet...

[He did forget him, didn't he? And, so, he may be a "good" person, and he may be a "friend" to Maruki, but he's no friend of Eren's.

[And Eren's never particularly given much of a shit who's "good" or "bad".

[His face does not soften. His voice does not sound sad.

[Dry. But not hollow. Taunting, almost, for whatever tone it holds at all.]

Eren Jaeger.

Yes. I know them. Very well.

[He doesn't say more yet - let Kurusu do the talking, say what he will. Eren's learned to listen first.]

Eren-san, then.

[He nods, takes it in. An unfamiliar-sounding name, but not the hardest to sound out. Eren Jaeger. He'll never forget it.

That tone, though... It's hard to read what it means, not with someone he's only just met. It feels vaguely like a taunt if he had to place it at all, but he understands what that means even less.

Maybe without Morgana, he really is helpless. He hasn't even been here for a whole day, and he already feels too lost for words.]

I need to clean this up, if you don't mind me looking away for a moment. [He's already kneeling down to pick up the pot. If Eren's mad about it, laughs at him for it - either of those are fine. But Akira won't leave Maruki's floors dirty.] But... I'm glad. Both of them need a good friend here.

[In this place where memories are lost, two realities crash and meet... It's a place where you need friends more than ever, Akira thinks.]

[A friend of Akechi's, too, then? That's news to him.]

You're close with them, aren't you? [Testing...]

Tell me about that.

[His hands stutter and freeze on their way to reach for a hand towel.

His back is turned for a moment, so Akira takes the chance to smile bitterly at the floor, a secret between him and the mess.]

If I were close with them... If I could be, maybe things would be different.

[At least in Maruki's case, Akira hasn't done anything wrong, probably. But it doesn't change how Akira feels about it. Maybe it will simply be another leaden ball of guilt that he has to live with for the rest of his life.]

Akechi is someone that I failed. I don't even know for sure what he remembers, but... I understood him more than probably anyone I've ever met, and yet I couldn't save him when it counted. I should've been able to, but he saved me instead.

[And it cost him his life, he doesn't say, because if he has to talk about it anymore he'll unravel in front of someone he just met and that is not allowed even with people he does know. His hands are tight on the towel, so he forces himself to relax his grip before he damages the kindness that was shown to him.

He kneels down and cleans. It helps keep his mind centered, somehow.]

Maruki-san knows me. He was so happy to see me when I woke up in the gardens. But I- [His voice breaks. When he starts again, it's just the slightest bit more unsteady.] I've never met him. The things he said yesterday... I don't know if he knows how much it meant to me. But in my reality, or however it works, we've never met. He was never hired at my school. Yesterday he tried to cover it up, but... He looked at me like he was grieving, and I don't...

[I don't know how to fix it.

I don't know how to help him.

I wish the Kurusu Akira he was looking for had woken up here instead of me.

He doesn't say any of that, because it's his burden and fault to bear.]

They're important to me. [He's gotten most of the spill up now, and his hands are already starting to feel lost. Directionless.] But I don't know if I'm the Akira they need.

[It's as if Akira can't speak without raising Eren's hackles. This animosity doesn't show; at the assertion that Kurusu knows Akechi better than anyone, or that Maruki, a man he doesn't even know, is "important" to him, Eren merely flexes his right hand, held down by his side. Kurusu is still turned away, and Eren still half-cast in shadow.

[It isn't lost on him, by the way, that this must be the friend Akechi only managed to mention once; Eren can see now, too, that Kurusu isn't entirely an unfamiliar face - Eren has seen his corpse.

[So, Kurusu is important to them, but has this one earned the right to say the same?

[Eren continues to watch.]

That doesn't absolve you of responsibility.

My friends cherish you. I won't allow that to be abused.

Edited (IMPORTANT CORRECTION : )) 2024-11-15 02:55 (UTC)

[Ah. He didn't misread this at all, then.

His tone is so controlled, but those words... He must be upset with him. Akira can't blame him for it, really. Especially not after seeing the way Maruki looked at him the day before. Akira wonders if he knows about that.

He deserves it, though, so he doesn't mind.]

It doesn't absolve me, no. But I don't intend to toss away their feelings, either. [His task is mostly complete, so he lets his gaze fall on Eren again.] Do you think that I do?

[What does Eren expect of him? What does he think of him? He wants to try and see.]

I don't know what your intentions are.

I only know that I'll be nearby. It's important we met today.

[He lets a moment or two's silence pass.]

Maruki speaks highly of you.

Edited (I have 150 icons I need to use them) 2024-11-15 06:24 (UTC)

["Maruki speaks highly of you."

It should make him feel better. Instead, it feels like a blow straight to his gut.

Maruki speaks highly of you, when he doesn't even know if he can live up those words. Maruki speaks highly of you, when "Akira" doesn't belong here. Maruki speaks highly of you, while "Akira" is the one who stole the heartfelt reunion that Maruki deserved.

Maruki saw the sky for him, and Akira didn't even know his name.]

The way he spoke... We must mean a lot to each other. [Must've. It's the only way. The pot ker-thuds into the sink, momentarily free of its responsibilities.] As for my intentions... My only intention is not to fail either of them more than I already have.

[It might be too late for that, honestly. But there's at least one thing he can try to do.]

If it's alright, I'd like to ask you something. You care about them, so I think you'll answer me honestly.

[Assuming honesty of Eren is always a gamble, weighted to the losing side; still.]

Go on, then.

[If he's honest, Akira doesn't want to ask this.

He doesn't want to face the answer if it's a yes; he doesn't want to face the answer if it's a no. Both would be difficult to swallow for very different reasons.

But not wanting to doesn't mean he can't. He will, because it's something he has to do.]

Am I hurting them more by being here?

[Eren feels his head slowly tilt to the side, his eyes narrowing in something that would almost be amusement if he didn't also feel like he was ready to rip Kurusu's throat from his neck.]

That doesn't matter.

You have been listening, haven't you? [That "question" does not leave much room for rebuttal.

[He takes one step.

[Two.

[Three into the kitchen.]

You are here now. Regardless of your feelings, your intentions, your fears - you have a responsibility.

That's three times I've said it now.

[He puts a hand down on the counter, fingers breaching up at the knuckles, tense under pristine skin.]

Show up. Kurusu. As they will show up for you. Quit worrying whether you're a blight or a boon.

If they want you, they'll have you.

[Something within his whole body tenses, because-

It doesn't matter? Of course it matters.

It matters that he stole away Maruki's most important person. It matters that Akechi is going to die for him.

It matters that-

"If they want you, they'll have you."

-Akira is here, even if he'll always be the wrong one.]

...Then I'll be here, if and until that isn't what they need from me.

[Akira tilts his head back to look up at him, trying to assess what he'll do. There's a tension in his hands that he doesn't know how to read. Maybe Eren is holding himself back from something.

Maybe Akira wishes he wouldn't hold back at all.

Akira doesn't know how to give them what they need when he isn't even the person they need. But he has to try. There's no other choice but to try. He doesn't know what to do, so he'll have to figure it out.

Maruki wanted him here. It hurts, but it has to mean something.]

It will never be enough.

["If" and "until" - no, no.]

You know your role, then.

We'll be seeing each other often. Suppose we ought to be friends. [He could not sound more disingenuous if he tried.]

[He tilts his head to the side. It seems like... an odd suggestion for someone that seems pretty displeased with him.

Maybe it's just to keep an eye on him? Akira thinks that makes sense, so he should go along with it. That would be the best outcome for all of them; Eren can feel better about him being around if he's keeping an eye on him, and Akira can keep his head down so he doesn't make things any worse.]

It won't. But if you want to... I'd like that. You care about them a lot.

[It will never be enough. It will never make up for it.

Akira understands he can't fix what's lost. But he can at least do one thing right by them, and that's to try and understand the people that love them.

The mask he has to figure out now is "Kurusu Akira", and maybe that's the most difficult one of all.

Glancing around though... He really has to hurry now. How long has it been... Maruki could be up at any minute, and he has to restart the batch. Most of the ingredients are still laid out. He'll need to repay Maruki for what he lost as well...]

Are you hungry?

[A creak in the hall; Eren's eyes flit to it. He doesn't answer Akira's question. He supposes he'll hear Maruki's yawn any second now.]

[ Of course he hears the yawn.

Maruki's eyes still feel swollen and bruised from the day before, even after knocking out for twelve hours minimum. He hears the hum of voices downstairs – something strange he'll have to get used to now, and so there's no thought in his head that it might be anyone other than Akira and Akechi, but– ]

Eren?

[ Asked through the end of his yawn as he finishes rubbing sleep from his eyes and knocks his glasses back down onto his face, blinking rapidly as groggy consciousness catches up to him.

A beat, and then he smiles at both of them, sleepy and subdued but genuine. ]

This is– oh, I'm so glad you two got to meet! I was hoping to make the introduction myself, but... [ That smile only grows wider, warmer, and then he spies all the food laid out. ] Kurusu-kun, is Eren helping you make breakfast?

[ As ever, the reality that exists only in Maruki Takuto's head is so much kinder than the truth. ]

[Rapidly, a couple of calculations occur in Akira's mind.

Eren also heard the creak like Akira did, Maruki is pleased but not exactly surprised - Akira never doubted him, but he can infer that Eren probably does spend a good portion of his time here. Maruki doen't use an honorific with him, so he's as close in Maruki's eyes as he is in Eren's. And lastly... Maruki has absolutely no clue about what's gone on in this kitchen.

It's better that the latter stays that way.]

Yes. [He nods, setting things out on the table. His voice is demure; it's the way he kept it around Sojiro when they first met, when he didn't know if he'd ever see the kindness underneath that gruff exterior, even directed at someone that wasn't Akira himself. The situation is different now, but it's still useful.] I'm still getting used to this place and made a few mistakes, so Eren-san helped correct me.

[It's a gamble. Akira never makes mistakes in the kitchen, not anymore. But he's still gambling on that "other reality's Akira" never cooking for Maruki, or at least not letting that particular fact slip.]

[Not a lie, really. Eren wonders if Kurusu's wording thereof was intentional.]

You know I'm not much of a cook. [He looks toward Maruki.] I wanted to meet Kurusu on my own the first time. I knew you wouldn't allow that, so long as you were awake. That's all.

[ Eren is right, of course. Maruki would have moved heaven and earth to be there when they met if he was conscious. Alas, the spirit and flesh were both weak.

He hesitates for a moment at the edge of the kitchen, then laughs at himself as he swings around to sit at the bar instead. ]

This is the first time I haven't had to cook breakfast myself in half a year. It's surreal being on the other side of things.

[ An elbow propped up on the bar counter, he rests his chin on his palm and watches the two of them fondly.

It's almost like Leblanc. Discussing the collective unconscious over coffee. That only adds to the dreamlike quality, really... ]

To catch you up to speed, Eren was one of the first people I met here. He actually let me stay with him while I was still brand new, before Akechi-kun and I moved in together. We've been friends ever since.

[ Not strictly true, as it leaves out the whole part where Eren was very much his patient, but there's no need to get into that. ]

He has a farm not far from here, I'll take you over sometime. They have so many cats...

[ He thinks to ask if the little black and white one stayed with the Sakuras when he left Tokyo, but drops the thought as soon as it comes to him. He knows he can and will chatter on to fill the silence, and that even if Akira doesn't recognize it as a nervous habit, Eren will. ]

[Akira freezes with his hands setting the plates down, the offer to cook for Maruki whenever he wants momentarily forgotten, swept straight out of his mind. But this time, maybe he's freezing in not such a bad way.]

...There's cats there? [His head darts up, a hopeful sparkle in his eye before he remembers himself and smothers it down. He can't just ask for that. But if Maruki wants to go, then maybe-] If Eren-san is alright with it, that sounds really nice.

[There's a sort of peace about cats, about really any sort of animal. Akira's always loved them, but he also doesn't always have to be "on" with them. Right now, it sounds like a balm.]

You've known each other for a long time.

[He directs the attention away from himself, what could be an implication of what he likes. He hasn't been this careless in a while, but a lot has thrown him off recently.]

[Eren had done well enough to prepare himself to have a one on one conversation with Kurusu, but he hadn't, apparently, thought too much about how it would feel to actually try and play nice. Naturally, Maruki would offer up the farm, and he has every right to; still, Eren doesn't particularly want to sit around talking about how much Kurusu just loves kitties.]

Maruki stays at the farm. He's welcome to bring anyone he wants.

[...]

The barn is full of cats. [LOOK! He's trying.

[Who does a guy have to fuck to get some tea around here? He simply moves through the kitchen to start preparing it himself.]

Take one if you want.

[ Maruki may not have any idea what just transpired in this kitchen, but he knows Eren Jaeger like he knows his own soul. He isn't exactly warm towards people who hadn't already earned it before his brief time away from Somnius, to say nothing of how kindly he probably looks upon someone who he thinks hurt Maruki. None of it is Akira's fault, and he even told Eren that, but...

Well. He knows his best friend, that's all. So it's clear that he is trying, and Maruki beams with sleepy pride. ]

Akechi-kun might lose his mind if we get another cat... which means we should, of course.

[ He's about to ask Eren to start coffee for him too, then about to ask Akira if he still makes coffee even though he's no longer living in the café, and then both get swept from his mind as something far stronger than caffeine jolts into his system. ]

I should tell you now– [ Akechi could be anywhere. He beckons Akira closer and lowers his voice. ] I've made him believe there's a second cat here that he's just never seen. It's kind of a long story, but if you could help keep that ruse going... Eren's in on it too!

[ And then, back to his normal volume. ]

She's black and white, and I named her Neko-chan. I'm not very good at naming animals...

Edited (holy fuck good night) 2024-11-15 12:38 (UTC)

[Akira's just going to take that as signal to only come over when Maruki wants to go with him. Maybe... he'll even say that they can go soon...

It's hard to truly want anything for himself right now. Generally, he avoids it anyway, but right now it feels... wrong. To want, or to feel happy.

However.

Leaning in to listen to what Maruki says, it's not what he's expecting. How Maruki acts about Akechi isn't what he's expecting at all, in fact, but there's at least one thing that remains true.

He leans back, lenses obscuring his eyes momentarily. The glasses positively gleam.]

It's a cute name, Maruki-san. I'm really looking forward to meeting her.

[It doesn't matter what else is going on, what else he's feeling, or who else may be involved. Akira is always down for gaslighting Akechi Goro.]

[Aren't we all?

[Eren speaks from where he's putting the tea kettle on.]

She's not very friendly.

[ Deep sigh!!! ]

Unfortunately, it's true. She's so skittish. I've really been trying, but...

[ Ah, this Akira doesn't already know how bad he is with animals, how he'd try to rescue cats from trees and show up late to school with bandaged claw marks on his hands. Well, he'll learn in time.

And then, the affectation dropped in favor of hopeful sincerity again: ]

Our coffee setup is nowhere near as sophisticated as what you're probably used to, but you're free to use it whenever you'd like.

[ He almost tells Eren, when I met him, he lived at a café that made the best coffee I'd ever tasted, but he bites it back. Akira can tell his own story, in his own time. It isn't his place. ]

Please consider everything here yours as well, Kurusu-kun. I know that's difficult to do, I had a hard time when I first moved into the castle as well, but... it's your home too.

[Ah. That's...

He wishes Maruki hadn't said that. Not now, maybe not for quite a while, but certainly not in front of Eren. He has to hold it together.

He can't cry, because he can't stand doing it in front of people. He cannot cry, because he has not earned it. He cannot cry, because just like the rest of the Phantom Thieves, Maruki's pain is greater than Akira's could ever be.

These are things Akira already knew. But it's good that Eren was able to confirm the things that still might've been in question.

He bows his head. Akira already knows his voice will come out unsteady, but if he doesn't look - it should be easier to control the rest of himself.]

...Thank you. I- [I shouldn't be taking this, but he can feel Eren's presence, maybe even his gaze, like a phantom limb. He must. He owes him this.] I'm grateful. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you...

[It would be difficult for him to not pay back a debt regardless of who it was. Like this, it's crushing. Something like this, on the level of what Sojiro did for him after so long under his roof...

Does Maruki even know, what effect the things he's saying have?]

If you'd like- if either of you would like, I can make some coffee. [He stands quickly, tries to move on from that moment.] I've worked with enough different equipment by now that I can figure it out.

[It'll give his hands something to do right now, too, which is something he sorely needs. Even if it's only for himself, he's probably making a cup.]

[Eren does watch Akira - closely. Maruki uses the word "home" much more freely than Eren does - they must define it in different ways. To offer one's home to someone else, though, is a grand gesture, in Eren's mind. Akira's right not to reject that kindness. To some extent, his amiability grates. Eren isn't sure if he finds it to be disingenuous or annoying; from what Maruki's told him, it must be the second one.

[Odd how Eren always condemns Akechi as a liar, but feels he prefers that deception over this authenticity, now that it's been placed in front of him. He still feels he understands his friend much better...

[Aside from that, Eren's already just made tea, so the coffee won't be necessary. Maruki can accept it if he'd like. Eren finishes his own task without offering.]

[ Maruki has spent half a year in Somnius. Before that, he spent half a year watching Kurusu Akira's every move. On paper, it's not a lot of time – but in practice, so much can happen in just six months.

He may not know this Akira, but he knows Akira. He knows the practiced, calm confidence that he exudes. The way he holds himself together, even while discussing difficult topics. The conviction that runs through him, keeps him upright against all the injustices thrown at him.

So the waver in his voice could be slight. It could be subtle. It could be next to nothing. Maruki would still hear it.

He gestures for Eren to come back around and sit next to him at the bar, chooses his words carefully, even as they come out casual as anything else. ]

Coffee would be great, thank you. And don't worry about making anything up to me. [ He waves a vague hand around as if to encompass the whole of the machiya as he speaks. ] I have more of what this place considers money and more space than I know what to do with... which, well– you can imagine how different that is from a counselor's life in Tokyo. Being able to freely share what I have is an opportunity I don't take lightly.

It's kind of you. [His voice is already evening out as he carefully checks the equipment. This is the same. Whenever he got stressed in Tokyo... When he had to go back home... Making coffee and Morgana's voice were always the things that soothed him, settling the disturbed waves underneath a frozen lake. Already his heart is a little less clouded. You must've had to go through a lot here for all of this.

[Stories that maybe he'll hear, and maybe that he won't. Akira wonders how many of them Akechi and Eren have been a part of.

The former isn't here right now, obviously. The latter is still making tea, so... His eyes dart between him and Maruki.]

What kind of work have you two been doing here? Would it be farming for Eren-san, and counseling for Maruki-san, or...?

[It seems like both of them are well-off in Akira's view, but he doesn't have anything else to truly compare it to. He hasn't seen the barn yet, but he'd imagine that takes a reasonable amount of money to maintain, too.]

[Maruki calls "heel," and Eren appears at his side, ever the loyal dog. His eyes haven't left Akira, although he "tries" not to stare. The tea can wait, apparently. He takes that gesture as a sign that Maruki needs him near.]

Not farming. [Not really. Other people grow things in the garden, and he helps out with the animals. That's about it.]

At one point, I ran a food business. [He's supposed to at least answer, right? He doesn't really feel like getting into the details; never a fan of small talk, Eren.]

I don't do that anymore.

Edited (fuck thermo) 2024-11-25 05:15 (UTC)

[ Honestly, he just wants Eren to stop hovering in the kitchen and chill. When the kettle's done, he can pop in and grab the tea for him. ]

And now I cook for said food business... unofficially, and only sometimes. It's more of a useful pastime than a job.

[ He props his chin up on a palm, drums his fingers against his cheek as he watches Akira move about the kitchen. ]

But up until fairly recently, I was the counselor here, yes. Unfortunately, that's on indefinite pause. [ And why isn't important, because Eren doesn't need to get more pissed off than he probably is! ] Why, are you thinking of looking for a part-time job, Kurusu-kun?

[The question pulls him up short. Akira rolls the thought around in his head like a worrystone, lets it jog and soothe his brain in equal measure. Does he want a part-time job? Is that something he should tell them, even if he does?

There's an itch there, an urge to keep it quiet until he decides and inevitably chooses to seek something out. Private. But Maruki is the one Akira has chosen to share a roof with during his stay here, and he deserves to know that much. Even Sojiro was aware of his comings and goings, even if he didn't always know the "where".]

...I might be. I'm so used to working, it feels almost strange not to.

[He needs to keep his hands busy, needs to do something useful, but neither of those are things he can or should say.]

If either of you have recommendations, I'm happy to hear them.

Work for Thermo if you want. [Jean won't say no, and Eren doesn't deal with any of that anymore, so why not?]

You won't get bored here either way.

[ The kettle clicks off, water percolating steadily inside. Maruki slides off the stool to come around to the other side of the bar, pours Eren's tea as he speaks. ]

You could certainly do deliveries for Thermo– or even help Jean and I with the cooking, honestly! There are other options, though, if you didn't want to work with me, hah...

[ Tea set in front of Eren, Maruki leans a hip against the counter and ticks the options off on his fingers. ]

A good friend of mine, Dolph Laserhawk, runs a club that can always use bartenders and servers. [ Crossroads. ] There aren't many restaurants here, not like what we're used to in Tokyo, but I bet you could get a job working at one that the native inhabitants run. [ Ore no Beko. ] Other people I know have their own shops too– Iris-san has something like a drugstore, and Basil-kun runs a flower shop... [ Triple Seven, Rafflesia.

Maruki pauses, then smiles brightly at Akira as he heads back to his seat. ]

Working during my first few months here helped me to settle in better. Like you said, it feels strange not to. I'll put in a good recommendation for you wherever you go.

[Just for a moment, Akira pauses; with his back turned to both of them, the scent of coffee blooming beneath his nose, he allows a furrow to spread between his brows.

Because isn't that just a little too familiar?

Don't those hit just a little too close to home? It's not like those aren't common jobs, but can there really be that many coincidences?

Akira lets it settle, sit, relax somewhere in his sternum. It could be a coincidence; Maruki could just be rattling off businesses he happened to pass on his commutes through Tokyo. Maybe, against all odds, Akira himself told Maruki about his part-time jobs. He can't see why he would continue being so vulnerable, but it seems there are many things he's told him that he never would to anyone else.

He gets out two mugs for coffee. His instincts prickle at the back of his neck, but he soothes them as best he can. Trust. He needs to have it, or at least take a step towards it.]

I appreciate it.

[He does. Even past his own strange feelings, he can still be grateful for it. That Maruki is working so hard to help him, even when Akira doesn't know him. That Eren would help him at all, when he has no reason to.]

These are the places I'll start, then. [His hands are steady as he pours. If there's something like a coffee shop, maybe even a teahouse- but on the other hand. It would be nice to keep that to Maruki's house for a little longer.] Even if they're not the same, they sound similar to a lot of the jobs I held back in Tokyo. And the things I don't know will be nice to learn.

[And it will. That, out of everything, will maybe be the most calming of all... To learn something new. To adapt.

The smell of coffee spreads to the rest of the room as Akira pours a cup for himself and Maruki, bringing it to the table.]

[ There is a memory–

Akira wasn't there. Part of him still doesn't know why he went. A much worse part of him, buried deep in the distorted rot of his own heart, knows all too well. Past the end of summer, not quite yet the beginning of autumn. That no-man's land of time in September when the back of his teeth itched every day with the desire to see Akira again, to tell him about all the work he'd done on his paper over their break, all the work Maruki never would have been able to dream of doing without his influence. The warmth of Leblanc on a cool evening, the best coffee he'd ever tasted, the book he laid out on the counter as if a greater force was guiding his hand.

There is a memory–

Akira was there. The best coffee he'd ever tasted, handed to him right alongside the keys to the collective unconscious. That greater force right before him, bright and honest.

Maruki takes the cup. It isn't the same. Akira isn't the same. He isn't the same.

Maybe it's better that way.

He holds it in both hands, props his elbows up on the table to hold it just beneath his chin, steam curling up around his glasses as he smiles at this new Akira and tries his level best to mend his own heart. Beneath the table, he knocks his knee sideways against Eren's and rests it there. ]

You'll learn a lot here. We all have. I'm looking forward to it, Kurusu-kun.

You returned. We are due for a talk.

Start talking, then. You're already wasting my time.

In person. Preferably.

No. I have more valuable things to do with my time. Say what you want now, or this conversation is over. I'm already tired of it.

I want to apologize from that day I attacked you. I was in the wrong. For that, I’m sorry. Go on about your day then.

[Oh...?

[Well, isn't that disappointing.]

You're apologizing?

Why? Surely, you had some reason.

Edited 2024-11-14 22:23 (UTC)

I did, but it wasn’t suffice enough.

I disagree.

From what I remember, you attacked me because you felt I'd done something to put your friend in harm's way. Regardless of whether or not that's true, acting in the interest of protecting the people you love is something that I can respect.

Compromising your own convictions in the interest of appeasing an enemy, however, is something I have no respect for.

I won't accept your apology. I'm not interested in it. Once you've found your spine again, perhaps we can have another conversation.

Whether you accept this or not is no concern for me, first.

Second. It’s an error on my part, reflecting, and admit my fault. While I am aware of your ability, I took it too far without realizing the consequences.

All this because you used words alone to cut a Duckling’s spirit.

Bottom line. The consequences nearly drove one of us to die that day.

And you should have finished the job.

Noted.

[It's

normal.

Despite a lingering memory of a staunch defender Akechi never asked for in the early morning hours, in hushed whispers between two people whose likeness Akechi was never able to fully shake.

He doesn't bring it up or acknowledge it. Refuses to. It's irritating, frustrating, and low on the list of priorities to deal with. He doesn't need or want someone acting like a guard dog - he is the chained up bodyguard. Eren can't provide shit for him and-

It still rings in his mind, sometimes. In the rough, tempered steps against the dirt trail. In the silence between every loud exhale. Echoing around the sounds of nature that try to fill in the gaps of their comfortable morning routine.

He doesn't give a shit anyway - pushes it from his mind as a sudden bitter chill hits his back. It jolts him back into the moment - makes him slow down until he's standing still halfway through their well trekked path to Starlight Cliff.]

Did you feel that?

[This shit again...

[Eren feels the chill, and he knows what's coming. Only a day or two ago, a blizzard dropped on he and Maruki out of nowhere. The weather has been growing increasingly more erratic. He glares up at the sky.]

Stop. Let's go this way.

[Not toward the incline of Starlight Cliff, but around, the same way Akechi took Eren when he first showed him that secret little alcove.]

To the grave.

Alright.

[The wind picks up the second Eren starts to speak - clouds rolling in, flakes of snow caught in Akechi's eyelashes.

Oh, he fucking hates this.]

Please move quickly. [Because AKECHI SURE IS. Maybe they can put themselves adjacent to the storm or out of the wind's path by that gravesite. It's not as if they can truly take shelter anywhere.

What a mess.]

The weather has been erratic. [Eren walks as they talk, pace brisk.]

There will be a squall. I can keep you warm with my ability.

[The snow picks up quickly, so they move quickly. Just as they reach that pretty alcove with its flowered bench, the sky opens up. Eren ducks down, pressing himself against the cliffside. He grabs for Akechi's arm to yank him down alongside.]

[Okay - that sounds miserable and he's mentally preparing an already chilled body for a rough ten minutes. He doesn't say anything else as they move, but he does make his irritation known with an elbow to Eren's gut as he's pulled down beside him. Whoops. Just an accident!!! ]

I'll be fine - you don't need to coddle me. It's only snow.

[More than snow with the way the wind whips up around them, a sudden burst of frozen air accompanying a flurry.

He's.

Fucking.

Cold.

And hiding any shudders with movement - kneeling down, arms wrapping across his chest. He isn't shaking - it's just him getting settled.]

It's incredible people here think he can make dreams come true, when he can't even control the weather properly.

His reality is falling apart.

[Eren pulls his arms out of his coat. Come here, idiot. Akech is yanked up against him. He throws the coat over both of them.]

Hypothermia is very serious. Did you know people often feel a rush of heat before they freeze to death? [Look, Akechi! Over here, Akechi! It's a horrifying "fun" fact, Akechi!

[Just accept it...]

[Oh, he's about to make it very clear why Eren shouldn't yank him around like a fucking ragdoll. Blizzard or not, Loki can come out either way.

Eren starts talking though and-

His body is warm - hot, almost. Arm, side and shoulder heating up from contact alone. The coat doesn't do shit with the wind picking up, but it does retain more than Akechi huddling up in a ball.

There's one violent, involuntary shudder from Akechi with the uptick of swirling, freezing snow and-]

I wonder if their body truly gets warmer as a defense mechanism or if it's mental. Perhaps both. I've heard stories of people feeling overheated and stripping off their clothes in such a scenario - it's fascinating to think about.

[Akechi doesn't move away. That yank was a gamble, but it's paid off. He's talking as he normally would. Eren will move slow from here. He lets his arms encircle Akechi just a little closer. He bites down hard on his lip until it starts to bleed. Steam rises around him, red grooves branching out from under his eyes. Crackles of hot energy briefly envelope them, too, but Eren stops there. Even the beginnings of the transformation produce heat. He can warm in short bursts like that.]

That's right. When we were training in the mountains as cadets, our superiors warned us of soldiers that got lost and were found without their clothes. That's a lot of layers to remove if it were only something mental...

[He'll die if he doesn't do this - that's how Akechi convinces himself to not smack at the arms around his body.

A living heater is just that. Eren is obligated to keep allies alive. Akechi needs to live, so-

It makes sense. Rational. Logical. He looks up to see the red marks splay under Eren's eyes, feel the pulsing mild heat that keeps his blood circulating. It's nice. He hates this.]

I suppose that's true. [He blinks the snow out of his eyes - no sense in moving his hands to wipe at it and ruin this delicate temperature balance happening between flesh and fabric.] You've been training since your youth, haven't you? I recall you being young when the whole ordeal began. It must have been taxing to go through it all at such an age, but if there's no choice, well-

[It doesn't matter.]

What would you have done, if the world hadn't condemned you to a life of military service and bloodshed?

That was never something I thought about.

[Snow lands on Eren's cheeks and instantly fizzles out into steam. He curls in closer around Akechi, as if he's the one trying to shield himself from the wind - Akechi merely has no choice but to go with.]

Even as a kid, I only wanted to become a Scout and fight titans. When I was twelve, I joined the Cadet Corps, and when I was fifteen, I joined the Scout Regiment.

At first, that was only as an alternative to killing me...

[Conditioned for war - Akechi doesn't care about fighting his words. Eren wanted to be a scout. A cadet. In the military, as if that would have ever been a choice to deviate from in such a callous world.

It's warmer now. He doesn't fight that either - turns his face upwards and tries to avoid brushing his cheek against Eren's. It's claustrophobic, somehow, on this expansive cliffside that seems to get smaller with every second.]

Say you were born in Tokyo - in Aubrey's generation or my own. Maruki's even. An entire peaceful world is yours to live in. You could do anything at all. Teach. Cook. Travel. Live the life of a celebrity or one of quiet solitude. You're set to live a long, healthy life. No door is shut. All paths open if you choose to walk down it.

What would you do then?

[It feels like an earnest question. Eren wants to brush it off. He's never thought about it - that's true. He sees no point in dreaming about something that will never happen - that's true too. Akechi is the one asking, though. He sounds like he actually wants to know. How could Eren reject something like that?

[He didn't only want to be a Scout. He didn't only want to kill. He didn't only want war. There was more. There was something there first. It hurts to think about. He still wants it...]

I wanted to see all of the world's wonders. I wanted to see every corner of it.

[Eren's cheek does, indeed, press up against Akechi's, just as warm as the rest of him.]

That didn't turn out well. Still. In a completely free world, like the one you're describing...

I guess...that's still what I'd want.

[He concentrates on the contact between skin - equal parts ready to push him away entirely and maintain the status quo through a storm that continues to rage.

Akechi barely feels the bitter winter air - only through cracks between them, thorough small openings in their joined bodies. It occurs to him with a brief flicker of irritation that he didn't notice how rapidly Eren had moved around him.

They have to do this. They're far enough from town, Machiya and farm to be a problem if he opts to leave this hold. Maruki may be able to fix any frostbite, but that's only if he can make it. He isn't dressed for the temperature, not built for the weather overall.

He doesn't move. Listens to Eren speak and-

It's hilarious. Travel. A stupid desire for freedom from those that will never have it - from birth to death, their lives were decided. A bitter laugh is halted - comes out as a breathy exhale instead.]

I see. It suits you. [A beat. It's warm. He pulls his cheek away, but it doesn't go far - pretends like it's because he wants to make eye contact instead.] It's funny how I feel the same way. When I became a celebrity, it felt like an attainable goal - money, prestige, power. All are required to travel to the extent I wanted to in my world. It was somewhat of a foolish, temporary urge. I came to my senses rather fast, but sometimes I still entertain the thought as a fantasy.

[This closeness is dangerous. Akechi leans away, and it's just enough for Eren to see him. The storm has made the world dark, but snow illuminates too; he sees Akechi in a strange light. Their noses are close enough to brush, but Eren doesn't move an inch. He watches him.]

What did you want to see?

Everything.

[Names of cities come to mind - Eren wouldn't know a single one. To visit and immerse himself as Akechi Goro - not a prince, not a lapdog, not anyone. It was a wish borne from himself for himself. No ploy or lofty goal behind it. It's why it was the most unattainable of all and the one he gave up the second it flickered to life. It's only a fantasy. Only an interview response.]

Other countries, the seven wonders, small towns and large cities outside of Japan. [Maruki's going to take him somewhere when they return. Akechi has his doubts it will work out, but-] I don't remember anything outside of Tokyo's borders, though I wasn't born there. I wanted to see other parts of Japan because of that - visit different festivals and see national landmarks.

[Find his mom

her ashes-

her corpse-

an unmarked grave in a shitty field-]

There's an innumerable number of places in my reality to visit. A lifetime wouldn't be enough to see it all.

[Eren genuinely doesn't mean to shift closer as they talk, but he finds his arms holding tighter, his vision of the boy going blurry in front of him. The wind howls and rattles. Eren bites down on his lip again and allows the transformation to begin, generate its preliminary heat.]

Tell me about the "seven wonders".

[Akechi doesn't care how long Eren can keep this up for - another billow of steam warms his body again. Marks under his eyes bloom in stark black lines. If Akechi wrapped his fingers around his throat, it would make different colors appear along his iris.

As he's held close. Asked about his own wants. Kept contained, kept safe, as if Akechi needs it. As if he wants it. As if he won't repay it with a bloody corpse someday and-

Eren would like that. Maybe he knows. Maybe that's why. He shifts his body, just a little. Frees his gloved hands so they rest between them against Akechi's own chest, but their proximity is so close Eren likely feels them too.

And he talks.

Runs his frozen lips about pyramids, gardens, temples and mausoleums. Their origin, their meaning - stories he's read over and over in the dead of night when he couldn't sleep, he can't ever sleep, and entertained the false, pathetic urge to have a life beyond this. He doesn't want it. He never wanted it.

As if he was ever meant to. As if he could. As if he didn't start on this journey to repay blood with blood at the cost of his own life. He doesn't want it. A future he doesn't want. A life he doesn't need. There's nothing waiting for him and it's what he deserves. What he wants. What he's prepared for.

All things intermingling and nothing settles except for quietly recited facts about a world Eren will never see.]

A book will never compare to seeing it in person, but if I find them in the library I'll show you.

[Eren could listen to Akechi talk all day. He wants to. The wonders he describes are, indeed, fascinating, but Eren could care less what the topic was. Akechi tells him about incredible things all the time. He's smart, and clever, and funny; Eren finds a new reason to be fond with every word - a change of inflection here, a chattering of teeth here. He wants to warm Akechi's lips. Their faces are so close. Eren could lean forward and merely rest their foreheads together; he tries...]

For someone who would never see it otherwise, a book can be life-changing...

[Some oddness to his voice, at that.]

I want to see it. I want you to teach me.

[Howling wind starts to die down the moment Akechi's own voice wavers. Eren's is low and loud over it all. There's a heat against his forehead, breath warming his face. Akechi's too cold to shake off whatever sentimental shit a touchy man wants to do. A man that gives what he wants to receive and Akechi will never return it - they both know. It's not a secret.

So he doesn't pull back, leans forward on instinct to meet warmth in every place he lacks. In every way he wanted to be loved and needed and-

Pulls back, a little.

Raises a hand, a little.

Presses palm and fingers around Eren's throat, a little. Forcing him back - a connection severed with a push against a man's neck. Not bruising. Maybe painful. It's enough to keep the slightest separation between their faces.

The back of his hand feels frozen and warmer than ever. He could squeeze every bit of heat out of Eren now, while they're alone in this secluded area that has become theirs - steal it for himself, let those he lays with languish over it. Doesn't care because they weren't smart enough to rip it free with their own power and-

He never needed it. Doesn't now. There's a layer of snow on his hair and Eren's. The flurry around them easier to see through.]

If I stumble across it, I will. It's not something I'll waste time trying to seek out.

[Eren feels Akechi's hand, cold even beneath the glove, around his throat. It's a tender, comfortable feeling. Eren presses into it until their foreheads are resting together again, his throat squeezing tight. He closes his eyes.]

Do something else for me, then. It's simple. I won't ask for anything else.

[It occurs to him the moment their foreheads touch that Eren has a death wish. Knew it, in the moments after his return to this reality. It didn't register until this moment.

Eren doesn't hesitate - risks the movement to connect them again. Akechi doesn't pull back - a reward and warning all at once. If Eren can mutter out that request through the binding force around his throat, then-]

Go on then. Say it and I'll decide whether to indulge you.

Edited 2024-12-03 02:19 (UTC)

[Eren tries for a deep breath. He tries for a deep breath because he knows that he can't take one. Akechi Goro doesn't truly hold Eren's life in his hands - if Eren wanted to survive him, he could.

[But he doesn't want to survive Akechi. He wants Akechi to eat him whole. He wants Akechi to take out every ounce of wretched anger that lives inside of him on a worthy target - one who understands the beauty of that rage.]

Kiss me.

[His voice is weak, tight. He continues anyway.]

Once a day. When I see you in the morning. That's all.

[How fucking stupid.

Akechi chokes air out of Eren's lungs and with that limited breath, he begs for more. Leans into more. Lets Akechi squeeze the warmth from his body and take it for himself the only way he's ever known how. Keeps talking. Kiss me. He hates Eren with every fiber of his being. Leans forward to tease a brush of his lips, to curl his fingers into flesh until they go completely numb from the pressure. Eren won't die, but Akechi wishes he would.]

No.

[Whispered against Eren's mouth, featherlight and quiet. An edge of cruelty and mockery in his tone. 'No' muttered again as he forces Eren to close the distance by pulling at his neck, unrelenting in his hold. It's the smallest movement, the shortest distance, but it's an overwhelming sense of power that makes his chest bloom with excitement. It's not the kiss - not even a kiss. Akechi uses Eren to warm his own frigid face. Waits for choked out words he can steal with his own parted lips. It's not a kiss - it's nothing. It's meaningless. It's pathetic - a god practically on his knees for something so fucking worthless.]

Get it from your house of consorts - I'm not among them.

[And he leans back, unclenches his fingers and lets them relax against his neck. Try again.]

[All breath is choked out of Eren. Akechi teases at his lips, and he feels warmth bloom low in his stomach, his head going foggy, dizzy. He moves his lips numbly against Akechi's, murmuring without words, taking whatever he can. He's wanted. He's wanted and wanted.

[Eren is released. He's ever human, sucking in a breath, chest heaving for more. He looks at Akechi, eyes wild.]

Once a week. I want you. You...

[To be wanted

like this.

From him. From Eren.
A man with no shortage of people to press his lips again - Akechi's infuriated. Doesn't care. Once a week - as if he can be negotiated with him. As if it matters. As if-

A gloved hand around Eren's throat is all he wants. Akechi wonders if he could press a blade to his spine - right now, it would be so simple. The back of his neck is a way to kill him and-

That's where his fingers rest now, against the nape, strands of hair caught under.]

It was a false world that put us together. Don't fall victim to it again - do you really think I'll fall in line with your pathetic little followers?

[Akechi will never give in. Never be his. Never be a numbered door on a goddamn farm. To be wanted - and this is it. To be wanted and it burns hot in his chest. Once a day, once a week - he murmurs against Eren's lips. ]

I won't do it. You've failed - this is where your little indulgence ends. If you try anymore, I'll retaliate.

((ooc: continued in the land where we don't need CWs))

[ Maruki doesn't even wait until he's back home. The second he walks away from BB, the message gets opened up. ]

BB wished Vaeros back into power when she got that carnival.

Do with that information what you will.

[He feels

nothing.

The text comes through and Akechi may as well be reading the weather. BB wished Vaeros back into power - a betrayal to those around her and something he knew would happen from the moment they all made a haphazard, unspoken pseudo-alliance. There was no trust between them to begin with, so there's nothing to lose with this information.

He takes it with a clinical edge. Notes it. Sets his phone against his chest to figure out where to proceed from here. Maruki is likely getting sentimental. Eren will be angry. Akechi doesn't care. Enemies should be kept close and BB leashed herself to him long ago. There's no need to worry about it wavering - doesn't want it to, more than ever, because he'll make her pay for this shit someday.

Not now.

Absolutely not now because with that clipped text-

She has made herself incredibly goddamn useful. Far more than Akechi thought a false human could be.]

Noted.

This is good news for us.

How do you figure?

Think about it for a moment.

Has anyone else been able to negotiate with him while under his contract? I've yet to hear of it until now.

It also confirms one very important detail - he does need us. If his power was only returned because of a dreamer's idiotic wish, that gives us an incredible advantage over him.

And now that BB has 'proven' herself as an ally to him and him alone, he will rely on her more and more to maintain control. It may not be immediate, but it will happen. It always does.

To do that he will need to continue this relationship - discussions, talks, shards, gifts, a home. Whatever that ends up looking like. There are openings to be found in talks, paths that appear when these volatile alliances are made. They're both incredibly emotional and reactive.

They were stronger apart - they're weaker together, and we'll exploit it like she exploited the world around her.

Edited (“giving myself enough room to center myself and then quickly transform into a handsome helicopter. did you know shadow the hedgehog has a gun in the acclaimed sequel final fantasy of symphonia gears of war????) 2024-11-23 00:07 (UTC)

[Eren sees read. He can hear his own breathing in his ears, the way he tries to slow it. At some point between Paradis and Marley, he learned to do that. Maruki taught him. He reads the messages. He hates BB. He reads the messages. BB is the enemy. He reads the messages. BB is the pig. Anyone content to be trapped here is no better than one - no exceptions.

[Eren doesn't feel betrayed, but he does feel as though a strike has been launched.

[Fine.

[Fine.

[Wars involve an awful lot of waiting around, don't they? But Akechi is right...

[He sounds right. But Eren is a fan of taking things into his own hands. He's getting tired of feeling like a piece in yet one more person's ridiculous game.

[He will rip her apart personally as soon as she stops being valuable. He'll enjoy it.

[He doesn't bother responding yet, though it shows that he's read the messages. He'll see what Maruki says about it first. The two he's speaking with now, he often feels, are the only ones that truly hold the same intentions for this reality as he does. They are his most trusted allies.]

[ Maruki's own read at XX:XX indicator doesn't show up for another ten minutes or so. He sees the length of the message and closes it out, finishes out his furious march back to the machiya, almost willing a band of Skeksis to be there dismantling the place all over again so he could at least have the relief of putting them in the ground–

No dice. The machiya is safe and sound, peaceful as ever.

He doesn't go inside. Sits out in the nascent garden, reads it through, and breathes.

Akechi is right on all accounts. Given enough time and space away from her, Maruki might have come to some of those conclusions himself, but certainly not all of them. Their minds are simply wired differently. Akechi is used to lying in wait to strike, keeping his enemies closer than anyone else. Maruki isn't. Doesn't think he ever could be. For all their similarities, he shares none of Akechi's meticulous, tactical patience.

He reads. Rereads. Again and again. Breathes.

He will never forgive BB, and she is useful. Both can be true. It was stupid to trust a thing that only operates on hardwired faulty logic and can't truly feel, anyway. She's no smarter than an animal and no better than a broken machine, at the end of the day.

Finally: ]

You're right.

You and I have both experienced her power firsthand. To my knowledge, she is the only dreamer with an ability to manipulate reality who has retained any amount of capability to do so here. I don't think that's coincidental.

She wouldn't confirm her end goal with me, but I think I can guess.

[Read by Eren. Read by Maruki. He waits for both checks to appear on his screen, numbers ready to be dialed to stop them from doing anything stupid.

Eren doesn't respond. Irrelevant. He read it and is logical enough to understand the value of playing games in unjust worlds. Akechi isn't concerned.

Maruki does. Responds without the sentimentality that's typical of any conversation involving someone he likes.

He no longer likes BB. Another benefit.]

Guessing isn't an option. We need to confirm it, which won't be difficult. She isn't quiet about her plans, doesn't hold back on her desires. It will slip on network discussions or when she speaks to us. Make note of it when that happens.

To someone who's used to playing god, her ploy may not be as simple as taking over this reality. May involve more than using us as dolls in her little playhouse. We still don't know what Vaeros' ultimate goal is either. She can likely learn that too and will spill it as easily as her own shit.

From here on out, I have a suggestion - operate as you see fit, but I need you all to recognize that we are in the best position possible for this situation. She likes us. Trusts us to varying degrees.

Has marked some of us.

Act as you normally would. Do not give her a reason to pull back now - not when we're this close to finding a crack in this world.

Once we do, we can kill her. Him. Anyone that stands in the way of leaving this false reality.

[It wouldn't be the first time Eren sat beside an enemy and pretended he didn't know the difference, and he's beginning to think there will never. Be. A last.

[But fine. He'll try not to spit in her face the next time he sees her - he'll act natural, which has only ever been tolerant.

[And then he'll rip her apart limb from limb the second she's been robbed of her power.

[He's done it before. He'll do it again.]

Fine.

I want to play butcher, though. Don't slaughter any pigs without me.

I'll be making myself less available to her than I have been, but that was already happening. There's precedent for that outside of what occurred today.

[ The two of them know better than almost anyone that he's closing ranks severely with Akira's presence in Somnius. ]

Aside from that, I won't change how I act.

We need to get that mark off of you.

Very well. Your patience will be rewarded - I assure you both of that.

As for the mark, no.

I think it should stay - the leash goes both ways. A bound dog can still tangle its owner. I'm accustomed to living like this.

Whatever an 'authority' truly is, it's not a traditional ailment. It doesn't afflict or control me. It's unnecessary to remove as of this moment.

You aren't a dog.

I'm aware. It was said to illustrate my point.

We shouldn't give up a valuable resource placed directly into our hands.

If you say so. I defer to you on this.

[ Maruki is far too protective to be objective in this case. ]

As a side note, thinking back on that carnival, the workers wore cuffs like the new arrivals here are. I don't know what that means. It just occurred to me.

And no one remains from that fiasco.

It's worth noting. The connection is obvious, but why drag in those without contracts, powers intact, to live here temporarily? What could either of them gain from it?

It's baffling.

Wouldn't both the carnival workers and the new arrivals having bracelets mean they came from the same place?

[Perhaps he's thinking too simply.]

No one believes that this world is as small as Visium. If Vaeros is bringing in people from other realities, other leaders probably are too. It makes sense, doesn't it?

That could be, but they might also signify something else.

I wonder what happens if one attempts to remove them. They could be their own form of contract.

I met an interesting man near the farm one night. Maybe I'll find him again and ask if he'd be willing to try.

It only benefits us to gain the information we can from whoever is willing to speak or act. If you can convince that man to do so, then see it through. I'm interested.

It makes me wonder where our own shackles lie. Perhaps around our hearts instead of hand.

To Eren's point, this may also be proof of a cabal's influence and that power growing in turn. We simply don't know.

We never seem to.

The bracelet might tell us something. Either way, Vaeros has shown that his control is crumbling. Someone will have to take it next. That's what I'd look out for.

Noted on both accounts.

If either of you need me, I'm at the machiya watching for Skeksis. I don't expect to return to my counseling tent today.

I'll come there.

Very well. I'll continue investigating.

Please finish wallowing by the time I return and retain this moment as a valuable lesson. You won't be afforded many more.

[God go NAP or whatever!! He's gonna harass The Locals and Visitors as a treat.]

I'm not wallowing.

[ He's trying to find an outlet for fury, thanks ♥ where the SKEKSIS AT ]

Good.

I found something at the library you might enjoy.

They're magazines from my reality with images of my world inside. They're quite stunning.

[It's only a text, but the sentiment is...oddly thoughtful. Eren feels his stomach dip a little about it. Is Akechi really only sharing for the sake of sharing? Eren's definitely interested...]

Did you take them with you?

I did. All I could find, in any case.

[ATTACHMENT 1]

They have photos of Tokyo too. I'll bring them by the farm for you to look through today. It's entertaining, if anything.

Are those all buildings?

Yes, every last one.

This is only about a fourth of the city. It extends in every direction. Some of the other photos show how expensive it is.

You may be able to see Maruki-san's apartment in one of them.

It's hard to imagine a city that big.

It isn't the biggest in the world, either, is it?

How many are there like this?

It's one of the largest in the world - though I'm uncertain of its true ranking. There are many others that rival it in both size and population.

Though in saying that-

[Attachment 2]

Many areas in Japan are small and retain their original look. Towns like this are what you would see throughout the country, for the most part.

That looks like the machiya. I do like it there.

[As if Akechi needs to be told.]

The machiya is based off traditional housing in our reality - everything outside reflects it. The rooms and appliances inside are a mixture of modern and traditional. You're right to say they're similar.

Regardless, I only wanted to inform you of what I found. I think you'll find it all fascinating.

When do you want to look through them together?

[This is a couples activity now, bitch.]

[Eren wouldn't know much about the world, these pictures. It makes sense he would want someone to look through it with him. Akechi is, if nothing, a walking encyclopedia about this stuff.]

Given the erratic weather, we could choose to forgo jogging and look at this instead. That could be any day - I'll make myself available for you.

[Akechi will make himself available for Eren. Eren likes that.]

We'll just do that tomorrow, then.

Tomorrow it is. See you then, Eren.

[ Sent quite literally 10 minutes after arriving at Dolph's birthday party: ]

Where are you? (｡•́︿•̀｡)

That face is pathetic...

I'm just waiting outside. I'll give Dolph what I brought and go back to the machiya.

???

No way, come hang out! Are you afraid you'll get too drunk and start telling me about how you can grow feathers again?

I don't grow them. I just find them around.

[Not the point.]

It's better if I don't cause Dolph any problems, so I'll go. It's really not a big deal.

You have other friends there, don't you?

[ squint. ]

Why would you cause him problems?

[Eh...]

Some of the people in there don't want to see me. That's fine. I won't make a scene for no reason.

[ He's looking around the club now. All told, there aren't that many people here. ]

What happened? I'm not going to say anything to anyone, I just want to know.

I destroyed the world. Now, people from home aren't too happy.

Levi and Dolph are close. I respect them both. Being there myself would make it an unpleasant night for everyone involved.

Don't you think it's also his responsibility to not bring that unpleasantness to his friend's party either?

It's not solely your responsibility, Eren.

I'm not saying he'd act.

He'd be unhappy.

Edited 2024-11-30 08:32 (UTC)

And you're not unhappy having to avoid going to a friend's gathering?

Your feelings matter too.

I'm always unhappy.

It's fine. It's not the sort of thing I'm suited for anymore, anyway. I'd rather go relax.

You're good to care about their feelings enough to do that. I'd like if they cared half as much about yours.

Come have one drink. We can go to a private room with Dolph.

They didn't tell me not to come in.

Well, good, because I'd kick their asses. Please pardon my language.

However, that's not what I was implying. I know you're keeping yourself away because you think it's what's best for them.

Let me ask you a very fair question: What have they done for you that's in your best interest lately?

[...?]

What could they do? They don't need to do anything.

They've left me alone.

That's not kindness.

I know I'm not going to change your mind. I'm not even trying to... I just hate seeing you put yourself through more hell for other people.

Come have one drink. Please.

[There's a long space of silence. For all Eren is loved, he thinks Maruki must love him more than anyone. Mikasa did too; unconditional. He pictures the three of them sharing food and talking all the time. They could do so every meal. It might be a perfect reality, just like that.]

Okay.

I'm just waiting on Dolph.

Thank you.

If you don't come in, I'll bring something outside for you and we can hang out there! I have my cape in case it snows. Again. Tell me your order!

You're going to smuggle out booze as a back-up?

Is it smuggling if we're hanging out just outside the backdoor?

Also, yes.

We should just do that anyway.

Then we will. But I'll let you and Dolph have your moment first.

He's a good friend, isn't he?

[...]

He's good to Jean.

We don't always get along.

I care about him.

Edited (spacing matters to MEEE) 2024-11-30 09:34 (UTC)

That you care tells me everything I need to know.

He's been good to me too, especially lately. I'm happy we get to celebrate him.

I would expect him to be.

I wanted to give him something too. I didn't want it to come from Jean, so I made something. I don't think it came out quite right though.

You made something? What did you make?

[It feels difficult to admit for some reason. He doesn't feel embarrassed, but he feels exposed. It's only Maruki, but the last few times they've danced near the topic of Eren's mother, it's led to misery. Maruki deserves a decent night.

[Eren will handle himself. He'll be fine.]

That bread I shared with you. Jean and Mikasa put together a recipe. I can't remember when.

[ Birthday bread. The kind his mother used to make.

Maruki remembers. Of course he does. And he knows better than to bring it up. ]

That's very kind of you. It's going to mean a lot to him.

[There's a space of silence here. Eren types and deletes. For whatever reason, what he wants to say now is more difficult to put into words than anything.]

I don't want Dolph to think that he's only part of Jean to me.

[ Maruki doesn't know how they all do it. Genuinely, there's nothing he understands less. He has to belong to one person, and one person has to belong to him, both in totality. Anything less would kill him faster than solitude would.

But the way that they go about things seems right. As right as he can imagine, if he truly stretches his mind to its limits, at least. Ensuring that the partner of a partner knows they're their own person, with their own worth. Ensuring everyone is special in their own way.

Some pit in his heart yawns open, sudden and brief, closed up as quickly as it opened. ]

Knowing what I do about him, I can tell you he'll appreciate that, truly and deeply.

What do you want to drink? I'll have it ready for you, whether you come in or not.

I just don't know if he understands.

[Eren has failed to make it clear. He knows that.]

Pick something for me. If it tastes good, that's a bonus, I guess.

I'll see you soon.

I will.

And you should tell him. Even if it seems weird to say it outright...

Just tell him.

[If anyone else had said so? Likely not. Because Maruki is asking?]

I'll try.

Do you have a moment?

I'm up. Yeah.

I'll be blunt - what's your opinion of Kurusu? I'm curious.

[Eren was wondering if Akechi might ask - that, or maybe he's recalling his own desire to ask the same question. He's simply thought better of it.]

I don't know him. I only know that you and Maruki know him. That isn't enough for me.

He's polite. That doesn't mean he's genuine.

[And he forgot the person who loves him most in all the world - the one person whom being forgotten is a fate worse than death.

[Eren won't forgive him for that. But it's none of Akechi's business.]

I see.

[Something blooms in his chest, equal parts content and irate. Finally, there's someone who doesn't see Kurusu as a paragon of perfection after a single conversation. Annoyance follows after because Akechi and Maruki don't associate with weaklings. He doesn't know where to settle on the neutral assessment. ]

You'll learn more in time, I suppose. He has a way of working himself into the lives of all he associates with. I'm assuming you won't be an exception to that.

He isn't an an unwelcome ally to have in this mess.

He's only an ally to me because he's an ally to you. He hasn't worked his way into anything.

I'll fight on his side so long as he fights on yours. That's all I'll guarantee.

Understood. That's all I could ask of you.

[A minute passes. Then two.]

He isn't the type of person who would sell their soul to a captor or stop fighting against an unjust world.

No matter what happens between Maruki, me and him, he will fight to leave this reality. That is an irrefutable fact.

Sure.

I don't think you'd waste your time on packaged meat.

You're correct. I never have and never will - not in any reality.

I have to admit that I expected him to arrive long before he did. I've been waiting for it. Now that it's here, it's somewhat jarring.

Not for any reason of course. I'm sure you understand how strange it is to have those from your reality appear.

[The kitchen conversation between the three of them - Akechi will never share that he knows. Doesn't have a clue what to say beyond this. Doesn't want to defend someone he despises or promote someone who is better than him in every conceivable way.

And still-

He can't stop thinking about Kurusu Akira, only a couple meters down the hall.]

That's all I wanted to discuss with you.

[Eren knows very well how "strange" it is to have others appear from his reality, yes - and it seems that only those that know him personally appear. As far as he can tell, that's true for almost everyone.

[So, Akechi expected Kurusu. Eren prepared a room for Armin, who still hasn't arrived; he still believes he will. So, he can't help but wonder what sort of connection Akechi and Kurusu truly have; this is no doubt the man that Akechi called a friend - or, something close to it, at least, to Eren's muddied recollection...

[He wishes he could ask Akechi to tell him how he feels. He wishes that he could picture any scenario in which Akechi wouldn't lie, deflect, withhold.

[They trust each other, but not enough, not in the right ways. The idea that Akechi might trust Kurusu more eats away at every bone in Eren's body. He doesn't want to be second choice. He's done the goddamn work to know whether or not seeing Kurusu's face makes him sick.]

It is jarring. [Eren sees him, at least.

[He cares about his pain, the potential for it - he truly does.]

My loyalty lies with you. Just remember that.

[A prince would accept that response without question - what more could a person ask for than the illusion of unerring loyalty in a reality, many realities, among all realities where it lacks.

Akechi has manipulated him for this reason. Wanted to hear that from Eren for this reason. He isn't Maruki - he doesn't need the sentimental shit that comes with true loyalty. The second there's a way out, he won't hesitate to leave Eren behind to rot as a forgotten pariah in his own disgusting world.

But it stings -

Right in his chest

Where Robin Hood and Loki lie.
'His memory is distorted' - typed out. Deleted. Irrelevant. It's easier for for Akechi to manage. There's a simplicity in dealing with someone who knows so little. Who experienced nothing. Whose only memories of the two of them deal in moments that matter - a palace run, potential for betrayal. Akira lived an entire life without and beyond him - it's what's supposed to happen, so he doesn't care.

'Let's take a walk.' - typed out. Deleted. Unnecessary.

'Why? - typed out. Lingers. 'Why?' to someone who strangles air out lungs. It doesn't matter how strong he is - Akechi won't falter. 'Why?' in the same way he used to ask Maruki why because even to this day he cannot fathom what makes either of them tick.]

Noted.

[Is what he settles on.]

You're my ally. I extend the same to you.

[A lie - easy and simple. It's all the same shit. Eren wants to hear it, so Akechi will say it. Eren won't believe it, Akechi relays it all the same. It's a game. It's routine. It doesn't matter.]

If you have no other plans, you should stay over tomorrow night.

[Akechi doesn't care.]

Maruki is making sushi. There's too many leftovers lately, despite having another mouth to feed.

[He doesn't care.]

We haven't gone to the bathhouse in some time either. I would like to go with you.

[He doesn't care.]

Regardless, I'll see you in the morning.

['Regardless, I'll see you in the morning.'

[There are plenty of things that Eren struggles to remember, but there are things he knows inherently, too; they are, perhaps, even more valuable.

[He sees Akechi every morning, when the world is still dark, and only two people exist. He has for months now - practically since they met.

[There's nothing in this reality that could stop him from making that meeting. Akechi needs Eren as much as Eren needs him.]

I won't be able to get back to sleep.

The baths are always running, so let's just go now.

[He wants to - it's that simple. Akechi Goro can satisfy passing whims in this world, so he does. The early morning hours tempting him in ways the rest of the day doesn't. ]

Very well.

See you soon.

( On Christmas Morning, Basil drops off a small box with a hand-knit blue-colored sweater for Eren. It's wrapped in a box with floral wrapping paper. Inside will be a note wishing Eren a Merry Christmas, and thanking him for everything that he's done. )

[ Maruki wakes up much earlier than normal; even with a human heater next to him, the windmill during a perpetual snowy night is cold, and sleep is hard to come by.

His back aches despite the rather nice nest Eren's made up in the loft, and he muffles a groan into his friend's shoulder as he turns onto his other side to bury in against his chest. ]

It's freezing...

[ Mumbled, groggy, and definitely hyperbolic. He's just a little chilly, but sometimes he likes to whine. ]

[Eren was a light sleeper before he left Visium, but he's historically been a heavy one, and he finds sleep a lot easier these days. When Maruki turns toward him, Eren's arms find their way around at new angles, his eyes never opening as he yanks the man against his chest, then rolls onto his back, dragging Maruki with him. He mumbles a kiss against the other man's chin.]

G'morn...

[ It could just be a trick of his tired mind–

But it's not. Eren kissed him again, unmistakably, undoubtedly. Maruki settles comfortably on top of him, a deadened sleepy weight, and tucks his face down into the curve of Eren's neck while that sinks in. ]

Good morning...

[ He really could fall back asleep like this, held warm and safe atop Eren, but he fights against the impulse to close his eyes. Only blinks into the darkness, lashes brushing against Eren's skin. ]

I feel like I got hit by a truck, and not because I drank too much this time. [ How long were they even at that party? Dear god, he feels like he lived lifetimes there. ] Yesterday was intense.

[Eren breathes, long and slow beneath Maruki, his own lashes still pressed down against his cheeks.]

I had to take you there...

[The Paths? Or some other reality. Eren isn't sure. He dreamt they saw everything, but it wasn't a dream, Maruki says. He could still be dreaming now. His brows crease as he opens his eyes, bleary, still glassy with sleep. His fingers start moving along Maruki's spine.]

No, that...wasn't me. Was it? Maybe...

Maybe you drank too much...

[ He reaches up with one hand, taps blindly against Eren's temple, then starts fiddling with loose strands of hair that frame his face. ]

The alcove. Remember? It was us. Several versions of us.

Don't worry. I remember.

In my head, though...

[His fingers curl and uncurl against Maruki's shoulder blades.]

I just thought...I'd end up doing that myself, once I could...

After all this...

[He's thought about it - more than once - endlessly.]

[ He does pick his head up then, props up to look down at Eren curiously, fingers now carding deliberately through his hair. A soothing motion, slow and methodical. ]

What do you mean?

[Eren's hands momentarily leave Maruki's back, just to touch either side of his face. It's brief, but tender. He tilts his head slightly to the side where it lays against the pillow, just to see him from another angle.]

After we take control of this reality, I figured I'd see you in some place. Like...

We could look at everything and choose where to go next. Or something...

That place...was really just like I pictured it.

[ Oh... ]

I see what you're saying now. That's the kind of thing I like to daydream about too...

[ A control room, of sorts. One might even say a control room connected to the collective unconscious of all humanity. What? Anyway.

He stays propped up, gingerly stretching out his back a little, and traces his fingertips over Eren's forehead. ]

What sort of reality would you choose next? If you could, I mean.

It's more than a daydream...

[Eren's eyes fall heavily closed again, though, this time, they strain behind the lids.]

It's happened. It will. I think...I've already been there before. Well...

[His mind is starting to spin. He forces his eyes open and takes Maruki's face again, thumbs stroking. Eren's expression softens, and it's impossibly genuine, more telling than a smile.]

You already know my answer, don't you? Which would you choose?

[ Since his return, Eren has always softened more around him than almost anyone else, but this sort of tenderness in his gaze is entirely new. Maruki's fingers still in his hair as his face is held, thumbs skating over morning-stubbled cheeks as he blinks dumbly without his glasses. ]

Your answer...

[ He only has to think about it for a few moments. ]

An empty world. Right?

With you.

That part is important.

Honestly...

I'm tired of everything else.

[ There is truly only one person in all known universes who could convince Maruki that he would be perfectly content in a world devoid of everything and everyone but him. Eren says it, and Maruki believes it, against all reason. ]

Then that's where we'll go. That's what we'll do.

[ He leans a cheek one of Eren's palms, almost unconsciously. ]

We'll rest.

[Eren breathes. Maruki may as well be his lungs.

[They're alone now, and it's perfect. He could pretend the world is empty, lying here, just like this. And, no, he really isn't one to smile, but his voice can sound warm, and it does sound warm. It's only for Maruki.]

I want you to tell me everything. I want you to talk until you lose your voice. I'll listen every day.

I'll hunt for you. I'll chop would and build us a home.

We'll want for nothing. It'll all be ours...

That sounds nice...right?

[Only a dream, but, no, it isn't. Eren believes it. When's the last time he believed in something?]

It does. More than nice.

[ Much more. It sounds–

Well.

Ideal.

Snow falls silently outside, as ever. Time and memory and space and reality are already mutable things, all the more so after his experiences in the alcove last night. He has one foot in that empty world with Eren, alone in a wooded glen with no one to answer to but one another, and the other back in Tokyo, brushing snow out of his hair on the way to his alma mater.

He lays his head back down then, noses at Eren's cheek idly. ]

For now, can we come here more often?

Mhmm. [A simple, sleepy answer to an obvious question. They want an empty world, don't they? This place is always empty, save for them...

[He doesn't think Aubrey will mind it. He'll make some mention of it when he sees her later today...]

[He turns his face when Maruki nudges it, casually capturing his lips in a brief, chaste kiss. He brushes the tips of their noses together. Maruki's is cold...]

I'll bring more blankets...

[ Maruki wants to say something about the temperature, his own lifelong poor internal regulation thereof, bad circulation, getting older, also his back can't handle sleeping just on piles of pillows, but– ]

You– um.

[ He may be cold, but his cheeks heat up easily. ]

You keep kissing me...?

[. . . ?]

I do.

[. . .]

Do you want me to stop?

No! [ Quick. Too quick. What??? ] N-no, I just... wasn't expecting it.

[ Oh, he's burning red hot. ]

I haven't– oh, my god. This is too embarrassing. Never mind.

[ Face immediately buried down into Eren's shoulder. NEVER MIND. ]

[Well. That makes his eyebrows climb a bit.

[He runs a soothing hand over Maruki's back, struck with the sensation that he would have laughed, were it years ago - months ago? Something like that...]

Haven't what? You can tell me...

[ The soothing is appreciated, and much needed, but Maruki doesn't pick his head up. When he speaks, the words are muffled into Eren's shirt. ]

If you don't count anything else that happened underneath that mistletoe – and I certainly don't...

[ Oh, god. ]

Ah. Um.

[ Kill him. ]

I mean... I've only kissed two people before you. [ He doesn't have to explain it. Right? Rumi. Venat. That's it. ] It sounds lame to say it's a big deal to me, but...

Edited 2024-12-24 07:06 (UTC)

[Maruki can't see it, but Eren frowns, just a little. He nudges the back of the man's head in an attempt to get him to lift it - he wants to look him in the eyes, lenseless and squinting as they are.]

It's a big deal to me too. A really big deal.

[ With enough nudging, he does lift his head and meet Eren's gaze, his own eyes squinting a bit to get him in focus. It only sort of works when they're this close. ]

I might just need... to slow down a little. I don't know what I'm doing. [ A weak laugh, mirthless. ] At all. To say the least.

[Oh...

[Eren can't help it, really, the way his face falls. Now, he's the one that wants to hide. His fingers curl again against Maruki's back, over and over.]

Okay.

[That's fine. It's fine, but...]

You meant what you said. Didn't you? [Not because Eren doesn't believe him. What they experienced was undeniable, but still...there are so many, he thinks, who would rather not claim him if they had the choice. Maruki has less choice than anyone.]

I...won't kiss you first. If that's what you want. [Which feels...miserable, but...necessary, maybe.]

No, that's not it...

[ Oh, Maruki hates to see his expression shift like that. He drags his fingers through Eren's hair until he can curve his palm over the top of his head, pushing it back off his face again and again, a nervous motion. ]

I meant it. I really did. And I do want you to. Trust me.

[ He feels like a starved man being presented with a banquet. He craves affection so badly, always has, and there are those in Somnius who will give it to him so freely, at a level he hasn't experienced in– too long, and in some cases, ever. Maruki could gorge himself on it until he's sick.

He presses his lips together in a line, brows pinching in as he tries to find his words, then tries again. ]

Would you hate it if I said I'd feel much more comfortable if we only did that in here...?

[There's a blink, surprised. Eren's melancholy seems to leech out all at once. He nods.]

We can. We should. Okay.

[And really...]

It's no one else's business. [Not a matter of "claiming" but a matter of privacy - that makes more sense...]

Thank you. I agree.

[ It's exhaled, breathless with relief. Maruki drums his fingers atop Eren's head, then–

Leans down, presses lips to his forehead. That's nothing he hasn't done before. That's fine. ]

I didn't mean to upset you... I'm sorry. As I said, I really don't know what I'm doing. [ But... ] But I'm– happy. I am.

[Eren’s eyes close under Maruki’s kiss. When they roll open again, they go straight up to the ceiling; another blink, and all at once, they’re wet, filled. Eren breathes, Maruki’s body lifting with the rise of his chest.]

I felt happy. Too.

[ Maruki has felt unmoored since the moment they were trapped together in that bubble at the party, but suddenly he's shoved back up onto shore. The sight of tears in Eren's eyes again is enough to ground him, because he will always be steadfast for his dearest friend.

But he's never seen tears quite like this.

They don't spill, and they aren't accompanied by soul-rending grief.

Maruki shifts quietly on top of him, frames Eren's face in both hands as he gazes down with a tiny, hopeful smile. ]

You did? [ One thumb brushes back and forth, just slightly beneath his eye. ] Tell me about it.

Edited 2024-12-24 21:05 (UTC)

[Eren's breath catches, sharp enough to be a sob, but he makes no sound. His eyes briefly close under Maruki's touch, tears sliding down from the corners and into his ears. They open slowly. As he speaks, his bottom lip just barely trembles, the corners tugging at an odd angle.]

I don't think I know how to love right. Aside from you, it all feels false, somehow...

More than anything...anything at all...I want to be by your side. Because you feel the same, I...

[His voice becomes so tight that it's difficult to continue. He has to choke something down in his throat, a shaky breath forced out instead.]

I felt lucky. To be the one you love too.

[ Maruki has never known anyone who gives boundless love away as freely and wholly as Eren does. The fact that he feels like he doesn't do it right is heartbreaking in its own way.

A small, rotten corner of his heart will cling to that forever: Aside from you, it all feels false. He doesn't know what Eren really means by that, and he certainly doesn't find any pleasure in hearing it – but it means something nevertheless.

He chases those tears with his thumbs, wiping away the wet trails they leave. He always knew Eren would manage to cry around him again, no matter how staunchly he put forth that he was a walking corpse and nothing more, but he never could have expected it like this. Happy, hopeful– lucky.

Lucky to be loved by him.

It makes Maruki's own throat constrict; no one is supposed to feel that way about him, and the only person who could make him believe it is the one who does.

He draws a deep breath that only shakes a little, steadies himself as he strokes Eren's cheeks. The only thing he can manage to say to such beautiful sentiments bubbles up, filled with nothing less than tender conviction: ]

You're my favorite person.

[ The tips of his fingers skate up and over Eren's cheekbones. ]

You really are. In this reality, and the next one, every one... I can promise that, Eren.

[ His smile is shy but wide, warm, nearly beatific. ]

So stay by my side. You're home.

[A whimper is punched out of Eren's chest, garbled and watery. He was never supposed to find "home" again; never supposed to hope, never supposed to want, never supposed to have, because he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve love, conditional or otherwise, and he certainly doesn't deserve to eternally rest in a perfect world with his favorite person, his favorite person. Last night, Maruki made him happy - happy.

[Who is he to be happy?

[Who is he to be happy?

[There are these moments, fleeting but bright, where Eren feels as though Maruki has breathed life back into him, as precious as a new birth. It wells up in him now, and he squeezes his eyes shut tight, throwing an arm over the both of them as his teeth grit and bare.

[The tension explodes into a sob, and then, he's lost.

[Because Eren isn't dead. He isn't cold, he isn't hollow, he isn't empty - no, he's all too full. That well of overwhelming, catastrophic emotion never ran dry - only filled higher, and it pours out of his eyes now, his breath catching over and over and over and over again until he's barely breathing. His free arm gropes and grasps for whatever of Maruki he can reach, fingers clawing, legs shifting, because it feels impossible to remain still. He wants to say "thank you" or "I love you" or "why" or "please" or anything, but he can't.

[He can't.

[All he can do is cry, more violently, more passionately, more wretched than he has in years. It's ugly, snotty, ragged, and raw; he doesn't care, because he can't care.

[Through it all, there is this certainy that Maruki will soon wrap his arms around him, hush him, soothe him - Eren doesn't doubt it for a second; he waits for it, shattered there on the makeshift bed.

[He's home. He's home.

[He's home, he's home, he's home, he's home, he's home.

[Thank God. Thank God, he's finally home.]

[ Maruki hasn't asked, and he hasn't had to – he can guess that after Eren returned to his reality to carry out his life, he didn't have time or safety to cry like he had before. Even in those waning days of his former life in Visium, Maruki is pretty sure he had filtered down into only crying around him.

It's been a long time. He deserves this moment, broken open with relief, his whole soul bared to be held in two safe hands.

Maruki doesn't waste time. He rolls off Eren, onto his side, then onto his back, pulling him all along the way. With their positions reversed, Eren can become dead weight atop him, wrap his arms up around Maruki's neck and bury his face down into his chest. He can cry as long and as loud as he wants– as he needs.

He holds Eren tight in both arms, crooks one so that he can stroke fingers through the back of his hair. With his chin tucked down, he can whisper quiet, soothing nonsense near Eren's ear, kiss the top of his head, squeeze him tighter and tighter as he cries and cries.

There's no visible light in Visium anymore, save for the moon reflecting off the snowbanks. There's no telling how long they spend like this in the windmill, and Maruki's perfectly happy that way. Let the rest of the world fall empty around them. They're safe. They're home. ]

To my dearest Eren,

I have been studying "Christmas" and what others have chosen to wear and decorate with during this wonderfully festive period, and I have created this for you. I hope you like it!

Love, Hythlodaeus

[This was too big for Stringbean, so Luz brings it herself, straight to the house, and makes sure to put in a place where he would see it. Its one big package with a note attached.

Upon opening the package, he will find a canvas painting of Eren himself, half in the face he worse, and half in the werewolf form that Luz remembered him changing in, having done it up by memory, and kept Eren with his serious expression. In the background she drew an impression of the farmhouse, how it looked back in the war torn Somnius.

With it is this note.

Eren. I hope that you like this painting. When I see you, I see these two parts of you. I know there are more, and I might find them someday, but today, these are the things that I remember most of you: the way you look now, one side that is the wolf. The farmhouse at that time, for obvious reasons. I hope you have a good holiday, and I can see more of you this year. Love you, Luz Noceda.

[So he has no idea that there is any kind of holiday going on, only that everything is giving gifts... and large socks were somehow involved- and who would he be if he didn't jump on the gift train!?

So Eren, or course, is one of the special people receiving a gift! Just very casually he gets handed a large red sock with a live (and very angry) frog in it, with a "here you go!" and then heads on his merry way to deliver the gift of angry amphibians in socks to the unsuspecting.]

ic inbox for labyrinthum

previous inbox @wintolive

text; un: doc0203 - october 1

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10/01 reunion umbrella wheeee - usual CWs apply to all these links I ain't doin all that

jean

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OHH THE TSUTOKKI ICONS

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wrappu taggu

maruki

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1/2 i'm going to throw up

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cw suicidal ideation? i guess?? listen they're both worryfrog

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god the amount of cryruki you're getting

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I literally never get to use this icon

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lmao girl u couldn't PAY me to go back to working doordash u know the miles that put on my cart?

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