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Don't you think it's also his responsibility to not bring that unpleasantness to his friend's party either?

It's not solely your responsibility, Eren.

I'm not saying he'd act.

He'd be unhappy.

Edited 2024-11-30 08:32 (UTC)

And you're not unhappy having to avoid going to a friend's gathering?

Your feelings matter too.

I'm always unhappy.

It's fine. It's not the sort of thing I'm suited for anymore, anyway. I'd rather go relax.

You're good to care about their feelings enough to do that. I'd like if they cared half as much about yours.

Come have one drink. We can go to a private room with Dolph.

They didn't tell me not to come in.

Well, good, because I'd kick their asses. Please pardon my language.

However, that's not what I was implying. I know you're keeping yourself away because you think it's what's best for them.

Let me ask you a very fair question: What have they done for you that's in your best interest lately?

[...?]

What could they do? They don't need to do anything.

They've left me alone.

That's not kindness.

I know I'm not going to change your mind. I'm not even trying to... I just hate seeing you put yourself through more hell for other people.

Come have one drink. Please.

[There's a long space of silence. For all Eren is loved, he thinks Maruki must love him more than anyone. Mikasa did too; unconditional. He pictures the three of them sharing food and talking all the time. They could do so every meal. It might be a perfect reality, just like that.]

Okay.

I'm just waiting on Dolph.

Thank you.

If you don't come in, I'll bring something outside for you and we can hang out there! I have my cape in case it snows. Again. Tell me your order!

You're going to smuggle out booze as a back-up?

Is it smuggling if we're hanging out just outside the backdoor?

Also, yes.

We should just do that anyway.

Then we will. But I'll let you and Dolph have your moment first.

He's a good friend, isn't he?

[...]

He's good to Jean.

We don't always get along.

I care about him.

Edited (spacing matters to MEEE) 2024-11-30 09:34 (UTC)

That you care tells me everything I need to know.

He's been good to me too, especially lately. I'm happy we get to celebrate him.

I would expect him to be.

I wanted to give him something too. I didn't want it to come from Jean, so I made something. I don't think it came out quite right though.

You made something? What did you make?

[It feels difficult to admit for some reason. He doesn't feel embarrassed, but he feels exposed. It's only Maruki, but the last few times they've danced near the topic of Eren's mother, it's led to misery. Maruki deserves a decent night.

[Eren will handle himself. He'll be fine.]

That bread I shared with you. Jean and Mikasa put together a recipe. I can't remember when.

[ Birthday bread. The kind his mother used to make.

Maruki remembers. Of course he does. And he knows better than to bring it up. ]

That's very kind of you. It's going to mean a lot to him.

[There's a space of silence here. Eren types and deletes. For whatever reason, what he wants to say now is more difficult to put into words than anything.]

I don't want Dolph to think that he's only part of Jean to me.

[ Maruki doesn't know how they all do it. Genuinely, there's nothing he understands less. He has to belong to one person, and one person has to belong to him, both in totality. Anything less would kill him faster than solitude would.

But the way that they go about things seems right. As right as he can imagine, if he truly stretches his mind to its limits, at least. Ensuring that the partner of a partner knows they're their own person, with their own worth. Ensuring everyone is special in their own way.

Some pit in his heart yawns open, sudden and brief, closed up as quickly as it opened. ]

Knowing what I do about him, I can tell you he'll appreciate that, truly and deeply.

What do you want to drink? I'll have it ready for you, whether you come in or not.

I just don't know if he understands.

[Eren has failed to make it clear. He knows that.]

Pick something for me. If it tastes good, that's a bonus, I guess.

I'll see you soon.

I will.

And you should tell him. Even if it seems weird to say it outright...

Just tell him.

(no subject)

abandonhumanity - 2024-12-03 21:31 (UTC) - Expand