He stays quiet save for his hunched shoulders heaving with every gasping breath as his body catches up to the millions of miles his mind ran without it. Keeps his face in his hands, the feeling slowly returning as his blood reduces to a simmer. Shame and embarrassment rise up hot and sharp before anything else, but–
Even that is tempered, because Maruki is listening.
He understands how Eren could raze the world. When he first found out about it, he'd felt a lot – shock, terror, despair, an unmistakable curiosity to know more – but he'd never felt a spark of kinship. Not until now, the worst rot of his soul having been laid bare in front of Eren over and over again, accepted and reflected back to him tenfold.
And in the end, it's what he needs to hear. It's more than reassurance, and the words aren't empty. It's very nearly a vow.
A hand against his cheek. He still doesn't lift his head, not until that singular promise echoes, and when he does–
I'll rip apart every last reality there is.
Maruki doesn't doubt it. Not at all.
He exhales, shaking so hard that it catches in his chest. Swipes angrily at each teary eye with the back of his wrist, shaking his head. ]
I haven't forgotten. I won't...
[ He blinks, tries to clear the blurred fog from his eyes. Eren is still a little out of focus without his glasses, and he squints to try to sharpen it, feeling pathetic. Rage propels him when he needs it most, yes, but it also mellows back down into misery the moment the heat gets turned down. ]
[ It's stated as a simple fact. A confirmation more than anything. No resignation or despair in it – Maruki just wants to reaffirm what he already knows to be true. At times, that's more of a comfort than anything else. ]
He wants to fall backwards. Lay on this dusty floor, stare up at the rafters, and let the world go on without him for a moment.
It should start snowing in Somnius soon, shouldn't it? Time really is a funny thing...
Instead, he tips forward again. Rests himself back into his best friend's arms, head thunking down onto his shoulder, fingers scrabbling against his back to twist in the fabric of his coat. ]
I'm sorry. I know I don't have to apologize, just... let me.
[ Rage begets misery begets exhaustion. There's nothing left now, only emptiness. He could sleep for hours. Maybe he will, before he has to return home and face whatever there is to be faced. ]
[Eren doesn't acknowledge the apology. Maruki asks to be allowed it, so it's allowed, but that's all. Eren takes the man easily back into his arms. His heart still pounds against his chest, full of its own righteous rage, but he tempers it down. He can do that now.]
Just rest a while, now.
There's a space upstairs, when you can make it. [Pillows and blankets that Eren brought up for Aubrey either days, months, or years ago; they should still be there, unless someone else has taken them.]
[ Space upstairs– he doesn't even question it. Just nods. When he can make it. Eren isn't rushing him along; he never has. Maruki is allowed to simply be for the moment, and isn't that the greatest kindness of all?
It's quiet again, until it isn't. ]
He's the same as I remember him, though.
[ Soft, pained– but fond, undeniably so. ]
It isn't his fault. It's either my fault, or it's simply a matter of different realities messing with us. He's the same... That's a relief, at least.
[ Bless him, but he can find the silver lining in anything. ]
Everything I told you about him before is still true. I think you two would get along. I hope you get to know him too.
has a breakdown over a man and then being like "but he's so genuine" GIRL!!!
[Eren feels nothing but distaste at Maruki's pitiful endorsement. On some level, he must realize that he'd only say the same about Armin, were the situations reversed; then again, maybe he'd be angry. Maybe he'd be betrayed. Maybe he'd show some of that same rage that Maruki just showed him - Eren hates to know that it's pointed more at himself than anything, but, of course it is...
[He tries to force his voice into something even, but there's a definite edge to it. He keeps a tight hold of his friend.]
I won't interfere. [That's all he can promise right now, and he doesn't mean it one bit.]
[ Oh, Maruki hears that edge. It doesn't surprise him, either. He knows Eren like he knows his own soul. He knows how he feels about all the people who have hurt Eren, even if it was entirely unintentional on their part. They're the same, he knows...
It's not something he'll press. Eren can feel however he feels. It won't change the fact that he'll do anything to build a new relationship with this Akira. Eren's words from before still ring true: Akira found him here, so he must need him. No matter how painful it is for Maruki, maybe it was meant to happen this way for both of them.
It also won't change another, much more pertinent fact. Maruki doesn't know if it's something he needs to state outright, but–
It can't hurt.
He picks his head up, leans back enough to be able to look Eren in the eye again. ]
I want to say something important.
[ Before, he'd ask if that was okay, or tell Eren to please hear him. They're not things that need to be done anymore. ]
Even if we manage to become as close as we were back in my reality– or closer, even...
[ It feels impossible, but Maruki knows better than to bet against anything here. He and Akira will go through things that he never could have dreamed of back in Tokyo. Their relationship will be different, inevitably. Maybe stronger. Maybe not. He doesn't know. Either way, though– ]
You're important to me. More than anyone else. [ Words Eren has said to him, repeated firmly, with all the conviction he can grasp through his exhaustion. ] I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality, even.
[ And despite everything that's transpired, despite that horrific well of rage and pain he's put on display for Eren now, despite how miserable the coming days and weeks and months will be as they're put through hell after hell–
Maruki smiles. It's nothing less than entirely genuine. ]
It's special. You are, I mean. Nothing will change that.
[Maruki's words are...disquieting, if only for the fact that Eren hadn't fully realized he needed to hear them. He has no reason to feel threatened - doesn't feel threatened when Jean is with Dolph, or when Aubrey and Akechi hang out alone (at least, not anymore). Jealousy is not a pretty or proud emotion, and certainly not one he wants to own up to.
[Maruki and Eren are impossibly close. They may as well be one person, split into two pillars. 'I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality.'
[Eren feels the same. Even when it comes to Armin, the two can't truly compare; equally important, but so irreconcilably different.
[So, he gets it. But he still feels...
[Young. Lonely. A boy who had trouble making friends. He can't quite look at Maruki.
[And then he hears the word "special". He closes his eyes for a long moment.]
"Special"...
No. That's wrong...
[He opens his eyes.]
I remember what you told me about Kurusu. He's a special person. He's the type of person that might save the world, right?
I've known special people too. Someone like me, though...
[ Maruki's brows crease in brief, mild confusion – it's simply factual that they are both special, it's not as if normal people can manipulate reality at will – but then again, he gets it. Or he thinks he does, anyway. How many people has he told that he's a normal, regular man, even after they've seen what he can do? In the end, he wants to be treated the same as anyone else.
Still, though... ]
Whether or not either of us are special, you're still special to me. That's all I meant.
[ He thinks he should say something more, falters, squeezes one of Eren's arms instead. ]
[ It isn't the first time Eren has told him that. It is the first time since his return, though.
Quite honestly, Maruki never expected to hear it again, and he could live with that. It's the same as not needing to see Eren smile or laugh to know when he feels like he wants to – he's never doubted his friend's love for him. Not since the night they broke away from a festival to sit in a circle of flickering lantern light and share the greatest pains of this power; certainly not since Eren kept his promise and came back.
So to hear it now, of all times–
It's painful, isn't it? Like rubbing antiseptic into a wound. Healing as it hurts. It shouldn't be possible for Maruki to be loved without reservation or condition and not lose it in the end. It shouldn't have taken a false reality to prove otherwise. Yet here they are.
He won't lose Eren. He'll return to the true reality, he'll have nothing, but he still won't lose Eren. There's always the next life.
Maruki reaches out, pulls his best friend into him. Tucks his head against his chest, a mirror of what Eren did for him earlier. Hugs him tight, tighter. ]
I believe you.
[ Which is a bigger thing than he can put into words. He thinks Eren knows, though.
Face tucked down to bury into Eren's hair, muffled, quiet: ]
It's the same for me. I love you, exactly as you are.
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no subject
He stays quiet save for his hunched shoulders heaving with every gasping breath as his body catches up to the millions of miles his mind ran without it. Keeps his face in his hands, the feeling slowly returning as his blood reduces to a simmer. Shame and embarrassment rise up hot and sharp before anything else, but–
Even that is tempered, because Maruki is listening.
He understands how Eren could raze the world. When he first found out about it, he'd felt a lot – shock, terror, despair, an unmistakable curiosity to know more – but he'd never felt a spark of kinship. Not until now, the worst rot of his soul having been laid bare in front of Eren over and over again, accepted and reflected back to him tenfold.
And in the end, it's what he needs to hear. It's more than reassurance, and the words aren't empty. It's very nearly a vow.
A hand against his cheek. He still doesn't lift his head, not until that singular promise echoes, and when he does–
I'll rip apart every last reality there is.
Maruki doesn't doubt it. Not at all.
He exhales, shaking so hard that it catches in his chest. Swipes angrily at each teary eye with the back of his wrist, shaking his head. ]
I haven't forgotten. I won't...
[ He blinks, tries to clear the blurred fog from his eyes. Eren is still a little out of focus without his glasses, and he squints to try to sharpen it, feeling pathetic. Rage propels him when he needs it most, yes, but it also mellows back down into misery the moment the heat gets turned down. ]
You're all I've got, then.
[ It's stated as a simple fact. A confirmation more than anything. No resignation or despair in it – Maruki just wants to reaffirm what he already knows to be true. At times, that's more of a comfort than anything else. ]
no subject
[Despite it all - the pure, violent rage that, only moments ago, filled the windmill - his voice is soft.]
I'm all you've got. You're all I've got.
no subject
He wants to fall backwards. Lay on this dusty floor, stare up at the rafters, and let the world go on without him for a moment.
It should start snowing in Somnius soon, shouldn't it? Time really is a funny thing...
Instead, he tips forward again. Rests himself back into his best friend's arms, head thunking down onto his shoulder, fingers scrabbling against his back to twist in the fabric of his coat. ]
I'm sorry. I know I don't have to apologize, just... let me.
[ Rage begets misery begets exhaustion. There's nothing left now, only emptiness. He could sleep for hours. Maybe he will, before he has to return home and face whatever there is to be faced. ]
no subject
Just rest a while, now.
There's a space upstairs, when you can make it. [Pillows and blankets that Eren brought up for Aubrey either days, months, or years ago; they should still be there, unless someone else has taken them.]
no subject
It's quiet again, until it isn't. ]
He's the same as I remember him, though.
[ Soft, pained– but fond, undeniably so. ]
It isn't his fault. It's either my fault, or it's simply a matter of different realities messing with us. He's the same... That's a relief, at least.
[ Bless him, but he can find the silver lining in anything. ]
Everything I told you about him before is still true. I think you two would get along. I hope you get to know him too.
has a breakdown over a man and then being like "but he's so genuine" GIRL!!!
[He tries to force his voice into something even, but there's a definite edge to it. He keeps a tight hold of his friend.]
I won't interfere. [That's all he can promise right now, and he doesn't mean it one bit.]
you just have to get to know him,,,
It's not something he'll press. Eren can feel however he feels. It won't change the fact that he'll do anything to build a new relationship with this Akira. Eren's words from before still ring true: Akira found him here, so he must need him. No matter how painful it is for Maruki, maybe it was meant to happen this way for both of them.
It also won't change another, much more pertinent fact. Maruki doesn't know if it's something he needs to state outright, but–
It can't hurt.
He picks his head up, leans back enough to be able to look Eren in the eye again. ]
I want to say something important.
[ Before, he'd ask if that was okay, or tell Eren to please hear him. They're not things that need to be done anymore. ]
Even if we manage to become as close as we were back in my reality– or closer, even...
[ It feels impossible, but Maruki knows better than to bet against anything here. He and Akira will go through things that he never could have dreamed of back in Tokyo. Their relationship will be different, inevitably. Maybe stronger. Maybe not. He doesn't know. Either way, though– ]
You're important to me. More than anyone else. [ Words Eren has said to him, repeated firmly, with all the conviction he can grasp through his exhaustion. ] I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality, even.
[ And despite everything that's transpired, despite that horrific well of rage and pain he's put on display for Eren now, despite how miserable the coming days and weeks and months will be as they're put through hell after hell–
Maruki smiles. It's nothing less than entirely genuine. ]
It's special. You are, I mean. Nothing will change that.
no subject
[Maruki and Eren are impossibly close. They may as well be one person, split into two pillars. 'I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality.'
[Eren feels the same. Even when it comes to Armin, the two can't truly compare; equally important, but so irreconcilably different.
[So, he gets it. But he still feels...
[Young. Lonely. A boy who had trouble making friends. He can't quite look at Maruki.
[And then he hears the word "special". He closes his eyes for a long moment.]
"Special"...
No. That's wrong...
[He opens his eyes.]
I remember what you told me about Kurusu. He's a special person. He's the type of person that might save the world, right?
I've known special people too. Someone like me, though...
I'm not special at all. That's why...
[That power never should have been handed to him.
[He doesn't finish his thought.]
You are dear to me. Maruki. That's enough, so...
You don't have to be special either.
no subject
Still, though... ]
Whether or not either of us are special, you're still special to me. That's all I meant.
[ He thinks he should say something more, falters, squeezes one of Eren's arms instead. ]
You're enough, too.
apropos of our conversation last night--
[All...Eren's thought about lately, with Maruki more than anyone, is his mother...
[Perhaps there are only two people who have ever truly loved Eren without condition. He grieves that. It feels...unfair.
[Who loves Maruki unconditionally?
[At least one person.]
I love you. Just like this.
pain.jpg
Quite honestly, Maruki never expected to hear it again, and he could live with that. It's the same as not needing to see Eren smile or laugh to know when he feels like he wants to – he's never doubted his friend's love for him. Not since the night they broke away from a festival to sit in a circle of flickering lantern light and share the greatest pains of this power; certainly not since Eren kept his promise and came back.
So to hear it now, of all times–
It's painful, isn't it? Like rubbing antiseptic into a wound. Healing as it hurts. It shouldn't be possible for Maruki to be loved without reservation or condition and not lose it in the end. It shouldn't have taken a false reality to prove otherwise. Yet here they are.
He won't lose Eren. He'll return to the true reality, he'll have nothing, but he still won't lose Eren. There's always the next life.
Maruki reaches out, pulls his best friend into him. Tucks his head against his chest, a mirror of what Eren did for him earlier. Hugs him tight, tighter. ]
I believe you.
[ Which is a bigger thing than he can put into words. He thinks Eren knows, though.
Face tucked down to bury into Eren's hair, muffled, quiet: ]
It's the same for me. I love you, exactly as you are.
[ Don't change. Don't leave. ]
WE CAN. WRAP HERE. IF YOU WANT....
[And it isn't a laugh.
[Because Eren doesn't laugh.
[But it is a breath.
[And it's fond.
['I believe you,' he says...
[Eren nods. His voice comes out tight.]
I believe you.