[Eren genuinely doesn't mean to shift closer as they talk, but he finds his arms holding tighter, his vision of the boy going blurry in front of him. The wind howls and rattles. Eren bites down on his lip again and allows the transformation to begin, generate its preliminary heat.]
[Akechi doesn't care how long Eren can keep this up for - another billow of steam warms his body again. Marks under his eyes bloom in stark black lines. If Akechi wrapped his fingers around his throat, it would make different colors appear along his iris.
As he's held close. Asked about his own wants. Kept contained, kept safe, as if Akechi needs it. As if he wants it. As if he won't repay it with a bloody corpse someday and-
Eren would like that. Maybe he knows. Maybe that's why. He shifts his body, just a little. Frees his gloved hands so they rest between them against Akechi's own chest, but their proximity is so close Eren likely feels them too.
And he talks.
Runs his frozen lips about pyramids, gardens, temples and mausoleums. Their origin, their meaning - stories he's read over and over in the dead of night when he couldn't sleep, he can't ever sleep, and entertained the false, pathetic urge to have a life beyond this. He doesn't want it. He never wanted it.
As if he was ever meant to. As if he could. As if he didn't start on this journey to repay blood with blood at the cost of his own life. He doesn't want it. A future he doesn't want. A life he doesn't need. There's nothing waiting for him and it's what he deserves. What he wants. What he's prepared for.
All things intermingling and nothing settles except for quietly recited facts about a world Eren will never see.]
A book will never compare to seeing it in person, but if I find them in the library I'll show you.
[Eren could listen to Akechi talk all day. He wants to. The wonders he describes are, indeed, fascinating, but Eren could care less what the topic was. Akechi tells him about incredible things all the time. He's smart, and clever, and funny; Eren finds a new reason to be fond with every word - a change of inflection here, a chattering of teeth here. He wants to warm Akechi's lips. Their faces are so close. Eren could lean forward and merely rest their foreheads together; he tries...]
For someone who would never see it otherwise, a book can be life-changing...
[Howling wind starts to die down the moment Akechi's own voice wavers. Eren's is low and loud over it all. There's a heat against his forehead, breath warming his face. Akechi's too cold to shake off whatever sentimental shit a touchy man wants to do. A man that gives what he wants to receive and Akechi will never return it - they both know. It's not a secret.
So he doesn't pull back, leans forward on instinct to meet warmth in every place he lacks. In every way he wanted to be loved and needed and-
Pulls back, a little.
Raises a hand, a little.
Presses palm and fingers around Eren's throat, a little. Forcing him back - a connection severed with a push against a man's neck. Not bruising. Maybe painful. It's enough to keep the slightest separation between their faces.
The back of his hand feels frozen and warmer than ever. He could squeeze every bit of heat out of Eren now, while they're alone in this secluded area that has become theirs - steal it for himself, let those he lays with languish over it. Doesn't care because they weren't smart enough to rip it free with their own power and-
He never needed it. Doesn't now. There's a layer of snow on his hair and Eren's. The flurry around them easier to see through.]
If I stumble across it, I will. It's not something I'll waste time trying to seek out.
[Eren feels Akechi's hand, cold even beneath the glove, around his throat. It's a tender, comfortable feeling. Eren presses into it until their foreheads are resting together again, his throat squeezing tight. He closes his eyes.]
Do something else for me, then. It's simple. I won't ask for anything else.
[It occurs to him the moment their foreheads touch that Eren has a death wish. Knew it, in the moments after his return to this reality. It didn't register until this moment.
Eren doesn't hesitate - risks the movement to connect them again. Akechi doesn't pull back - a reward and warning all at once. If Eren can mutter out that request through the binding force around his throat, then-]
Go on then. Say it and I'll decide whether to indulge you.
Edited 2024-12-03 02:19 (UTC)
cw: suicidal ideation, murder, assault??? all sorts of fucked up shit
[Eren tries for a deep breath. He tries for a deep breath because he knows that he can't take one. Akechi Goro doesn't truly hold Eren's life in his hands - if Eren wanted to survive him, he could.
[But he doesn't want to survive Akechi. He wants Akechi to eat him whole. He wants Akechi to take out every ounce of wretched anger that lives inside of him on a worthy target - one who understands the beauty of that rage.]
Kiss me.
[His voice is weak, tight. He continues anyway.]
Once a day. When I see you in the morning. That's all.
Akechi chokes air out of Eren's lungs and with that limited breath, he begs for more. Leans into more. Lets Akechi squeeze the warmth from his body and take it for himself the only way he's ever known how. Keeps talking. Kiss me. He hates Eren with every fiber of his being. Leans forward to tease a brush of his lips, to curl his fingers into flesh until they go completely numb from the pressure. Eren won't die, but Akechi wishes he would.]
No.
[Whispered against Eren's mouth, featherlight and quiet. An edge of cruelty and mockery in his tone. 'No' muttered again as he forces Eren to close the distance by pulling at his neck, unrelenting in his hold. It's the smallest movement, the shortest distance, but it's an overwhelming sense of power that makes his chest bloom with excitement. It's not the kiss - not even a kiss. Akechi uses Eren to warm his own frigid face. Waits for choked out words he can steal with his own parted lips. It's not a kiss - it's nothing. It's meaningless. It's pathetic - a god practically on his knees for something so fucking worthless.]
Get it from your house of consorts - I'm not among them.
[And he leans back, unclenches his fingers and lets them relax against his neck. Try again.]
[All breath is choked out of Eren. Akechi teases at his lips, and he feels warmth bloom low in his stomach, his head going foggy, dizzy. He moves his lips numbly against Akechi's, murmuring without words, taking whatever he can. He's wanted. He's wanted and wanted.
[Eren is released. He's ever human, sucking in a breath, chest heaving for more. He looks at Akechi, eyes wild.]
A man with no shortage of people to press his lips again - Akechi's infuriated. Doesn't care. Once a week - as if he can be negotiated with him. As if it matters. As if-
A gloved hand around Eren's throat is all he wants. Akechi wonders if he could press a blade to his spine - right now, it would be so simple. The back of his neck is a way to kill him and-
That's where his fingers rest now, against the nape, strands of hair caught under.]
It was a false world that put us together. Don't fall victim to it again - do you really think I'll fall in line with your pathetic little followers?
[Akechi will never give in. Never be his. Never be a numbered door on a goddamn farm. To be wanted - and this is it. To be wanted and it burns hot in his chest. Once a day, once a week - he murmurs against Eren's lips. ]
I won't do it. You've failed - this is where your little indulgence ends. If you try anymore, I'll retaliate.
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no subject
Tell me about the "seven wonders".
cw: violent thoughts, suicidal ideation MAYBE?????
As he's held close. Asked about his own wants. Kept contained, kept safe, as if Akechi needs it. As if he wants it. As if he won't repay it with a bloody corpse someday and-
Eren would like that. Maybe he knows. Maybe that's why. He shifts his body, just a little. Frees his gloved hands so they rest between them against Akechi's own chest, but their proximity is so close Eren likely feels them too.
And he talks.
Runs his frozen lips about pyramids, gardens, temples and mausoleums. Their origin, their meaning - stories he's read over and over in the dead of night when he couldn't sleep, he can't ever sleep, and entertained the false, pathetic urge to have a life beyond this. He doesn't want it. He never wanted it.
As if he was ever meant to. As if he could. As if he didn't start on this journey to repay blood with blood at the cost of his own life. He doesn't want it. A future he doesn't want. A life he doesn't need. There's nothing waiting for him and it's what he deserves. What he wants. What he's prepared for.
All things intermingling and nothing settles except for quietly recited facts about a world Eren will never see.]
A book will never compare to seeing it in person, but if I find them in the library I'll show you.
no subject
For someone who would never see it otherwise, a book can be life-changing...
[Some oddness to his voice, at that.]
I want to see it. I want you to teach me.
cw: VIOLENT THOUGHTS, perhaps attempted strangulation adjacent
So he doesn't pull back, leans forward on instinct to meet warmth in every place he lacks. In every way he wanted to be loved and needed and-
Pulls back, a little.Raises a hand, a little.
Presses palm and fingers around Eren's throat, a little. Forcing him back - a connection severed with a push against a man's neck. Not bruising. Maybe painful. It's enough to keep the slightest separation between their faces.
The back of his hand feels frozen and warmer than ever. He could squeeze every bit of heat out of Eren now, while they're alone in this secluded area that has become theirs - steal it for himself, let those he lays with languish over it. Doesn't care because they weren't smart enough to rip it free with their own power and-
He never needed it. Doesn't now. There's a layer of snow on his hair and Eren's. The flurry around them easier to see through.]
If I stumble across it, I will. It's not something I'll waste time trying to seek out.
no subject
Do something else for me, then. It's simple. I won't ask for anything else.
cw: strangulation adjacent continued
Eren doesn't hesitate - risks the movement to connect them again. Akechi doesn't pull back - a reward and warning all at once. If Eren can mutter out that request through the binding force around his throat, then-]
Go on then. Say it and I'll decide whether to indulge you.
cw: suicidal ideation, murder, assault??? all sorts of fucked up shit
[But he doesn't want to survive Akechi. He wants Akechi to eat him whole. He wants Akechi to take out every ounce of wretched anger that lives inside of him on a worthy target - one who understands the beauty of that rage.]
Kiss me.
[His voice is weak, tight. He continues anyway.]
Once a day. When I see you in the morning. That's all.
cw: suicidal ideation, murderous intent, assault CONT
Akechi chokes air out of Eren's lungs and with that limited breath, he begs for more. Leans into more. Lets Akechi squeeze the warmth from his body and take it for himself the only way he's ever known how. Keeps talking. Kiss me. He hates Eren with every fiber of his being. Leans forward to tease a brush of his lips, to curl his fingers into flesh until they go completely numb from the pressure. Eren won't die, but Akechi wishes he would.]
No.
[Whispered against Eren's mouth, featherlight and quiet. An edge of cruelty and mockery in his tone. 'No' muttered again as he forces Eren to close the distance by pulling at his neck, unrelenting in his hold. It's the smallest movement, the shortest distance, but it's an overwhelming sense of power that makes his chest bloom with excitement. It's not the kiss - not even a kiss. Akechi uses Eren to warm his own frigid face. Waits for choked out words he can steal with his own parted lips. It's not a kiss - it's nothing. It's meaningless. It's pathetic - a god practically on his knees for something so fucking worthless.]
Get it from your house of consorts - I'm not among them.
[And he leans back, unclenches his fingers and lets them relax against his neck. Try again.]
cw: not nsfw but close
[Eren is released. He's ever human, sucking in a breath, chest heaving for more. He looks at Akechi, eyes wild.]
Once a week. I want you. You...
cw: dear lord just dont read
like this.
From him.A man with no shortage of people to press his lips again - Akechi's infuriated. Doesn't care. Once a week - as if he can be negotiated with him. As if it matters. As if-
A gloved hand around Eren's throat is all he wants. Akechi wonders if he could press a blade to his spine - right now, it would be so simple. The back of his neck is a way to kill him and-
That's where his fingers rest now, against the nape, strands of hair caught under.]
It was a false world that put us together. Don't fall victim to it again - do you really think I'll fall in line with your pathetic little followers?
[Akechi will never give in. Never be his. Never be a numbered door on a goddamn farm. To be wanted - and this is it. To be wanted and it burns hot in his chest. Once a day, once a week - he murmurs against Eren's lips. ]
I won't do it. You've failed - this is where your little indulgence ends. If you try anymore, I'll retaliate.
no subject