[Eren may be a walking corpse of a person these days, but he can and does still very much blush. And his face finally goes hot at Maruki's teasing. He sneers and looks away, off into the other room so Maruki can snicker into his okonomiyaki.]
[Eren accepts that answer, nodding toward his okonomiyaki. He takes a bite. He ought to tell Maruki that it's good, but they're busy talking about Boys he has other things on his mind now.]
Hythlodaeus is...hard to wrap my head around. I couldn't say that it feels the same as it did before, like with you and Kanoa. It's just different.
[Thinking about Hythlodaeus does hurt his head. He distracts himself with a sip of tea too, ever mirroring. His fingers tap against the mug - ever moving his hands too.]
He's a baffling sort of person. Everything about him...[Eren's voice trails off, and he closes his mouth tightly, apparently frustrated. He shrugs his shoulders.] No. I really can't explain it at all.
Every time we talk, I feel like I'm dreaming...
[Flowers blooming out of thin air, music floating all around them; memories slowly bleeding, two realities caught in a dance...]
That's alright. I can only imagine, knowing both what I know about that other reality and how Ancients simply... are.
[ He met Venat in dreams, waking with the slow, heavy sensation that he'd met someone meant to be put in his path. Everything since has felt dreamlike in its own way, though surely different from whatever Eren is describing.
Half of his own okonomiyaki gone; he'll save the other half as leftovers for Akechi. Focuses on his tea, the sleepiness that settles into his bones with a good meal. ]
He cares about you a great deal. That's all I can say for certain. We had a good talk while you were gone.
[ Maruki has to consider how to answer that question. He looks to Eren, then out across the kitchen, eyes unfocused as he tries to sort through his thoughts. Both elbows up on the counter now, mug held in two hands and resting just below his chin.
Finally, it's only honesty that breaks through. Ever honesty for the person who deserves it most. ]
I don't really let others get the opportunity to take care of me. You know that.
[ It's up to those few who know how and when to force the issue. ]
However, that being said... I think I was able to talk to him more openly than I could anyone else who was hurting. I told him about our promise, and knowing one another in other realities. We spoke about the collective unconscious and the aetherial sea, which is always comforting to me. I asked him to describe your soul to me, and he did – that was a comfort, too.
[ He glances down into the mug, blows on it briefly before taking a sip. ]
So in a roundabout way, he did, though he probably doesn't realize it.
[Eren's quiet for a moment. He'll resent the time Maruki spent without him forever, he thinks, though he's beginning to realize that it was necessary. Idly, he wonders if he and Maruki's souls might look alike. Sometimes he really does feel like they're the same person. The thought leaves him quickly enough. Eren has already seen Maruki's soul. Azathoth is a familiar friend to him now.
[All that being said, when Eren considers it...]
I think he does realize.
When he cares about someone, he'll stay right beside them, even when things can't be helped. But it did help, didn't it? He probably intended for it to.
[ An astute observation about a relatively new friend; that doesn't escape Maruki's notice at all. Noted to bring up later...
He smiles at Eren, sets the tea down. ]
You're right. For a little while, I didn't feel quite so alone. It was a huge help, actually...
[ He slides off the chair then, moves to package up his own leftovers for Akechi.
He won't say that it was only a text conversation, that he was hardly going out and seeing anyone beyond whoever happened to be at the farm during his working hours. Maruki knows that isolating was a bad idea; he knew even as he was doing it. Did it anyway. ]
Speaking of not being alone, though. Are you going anywhere else tonight?
[Eren stands up too, taking his own plate to the sink. He simply begins washing it, as casual as anything. There's not a time in his life where he would have gotten away with anything else.]
Unless you want me to leave. I'd just find somewhere else to go tonight.
[Maruki has become Eren's landing point, really. It's just another consequence of being the only person that can understand him. Eren spends days and nights with all sorts of people - partners, friends, those that fit no category at all. He cherishes those moments. They're moments he shouldn't have for a thousand reasons, and he wants them.
[But being with his best friend makes him feel like he's taking his shoes off at the end of the day. It signals time to truly rest. He doesn't have to be adequately miserable or adequately functional or adequately cold or adquately warm.
[He only has to be.
[So, he stays here most nights. It's comfortable. He doesn't hesitate at the edge of the bed anymore. He has sleeping clothes and a toothbrush, just like Maruki has at the farm across that little swath of forest.
In the end, that's the common denominator between those in Somnius that Maruki is closest to and loves most – it's easy to be around them. He fakes it well in the general populace, but it's so rare that he finds it anything but difficult to relax and be himself. Not so with people like Venat, Akechi, Kurogiri, Maki, BB– and Eren. Of course Eren.
He sprawls out on the large bed next to his best friend, turns his head to look at him. ]
Ah, before I forget... Remember when you mentioned the photos up on your wall?
[Eren's hands are folded over his chest, thumbs pressed together. His eyes are already closed, but he isn't dozing, really. It's a comfortable bed. That's all.]
[ With a huff of effort, he hoists himself up to his knees, reaches for one of the shelves above the bed. When he flops back down, he has one of his many stolen library books propped up on his chest, opens it up to a place in the middle with a photo stuck between two pages.
Gently, he plucks it and nudges it into Eren's hands. ]
I took it from your room while you were gone. Sorry...
[A photo is placed in his hands. Eren props himself up on his elbows, holding it up right in front of his eyes. He recalls setting the timer. Maruki told him that he was afraid. Eren told him that everyone was...
The timer goes off.
[Eren blinks and looks at Maruki, lowering the photo.]
It's as much yours as it is mine, isn't it? I don't care.
[ Quietly insistent. He has his own version, on his phone. He still doesn't know what possessed him to go up to that bedroom Eren and Jean share while the farmhouse was entirely empty, to stare at the photos on the wall and take one down for himself.
In the end, he guesses he just wanted something of Eren's. In case it all started to disappear. ]
It was an important day for me. I still wasn't being honest with you back then, though... [ More guilt, twisting in his gut. ] We talked about creating realities, but I only let you know that it was something I researched, not something I did. [ A beat. ] Or do. Or– will, or whatever. [ Ugh, his head. ]
[Eren frowns a bit, watching his friend stumble over his words. Clearly, something is really bothering him. Apparent dishonesty, or...what he considers to be.]
I don't remember being angry that you kept the extent of your abilities a secret. It makes enough sense.
I might have been annoyed that you didn't trust me, but we hadn't realized yet. [That they're the same, that they were meant to meet, that they're who they are at all.]
[ Maruki props up just long enough to stretch an arm blindly over his head, haphazardly lay the book back down on a shelf so that he can turn on his side and face Eren. ]
I know. I had a reason for everything that I did or didn't tell you. That doesn't mean I don't feel bad about it in hindsight, though.
[ Everything happened exactly as it needed to, as it should have. They exited that circle of lantern light changed; it couldn't ever have happened sooner than that. Still, the guilt gnaws. Maruki is a man who lives steeped in regrets, after all.
He looks at the photo in Eren's hands. That somber face next to his own grinning one; it's the same as in the selfie on his phone, and he treasures that dichotomy between them. ]
Anyhow– I remember thinking you were letting your hair get long because you were a lazy little shit. I guess you just never cut it again, huh?
[Eren doesn't respond to Maruki's jab, the photo between two fingers again, turned about in the air in front of his face. As he settles back down against the pillows, he keeps it there.]
[ Maruki looks at him for a long moment, considering, calculating. Squints. Tries to picture it, pulls a face like he's just tasted something unexpectedly sour. ]
No. You'd look weird. Too clean-cut...
[ And then he reaches out to push Eren's head, musses his loose hair over into his face. ]
[Still possessing reflexes, as one does, Eren scrunches his face up when Maruki starts mussing his hair around in front of it. He smacks the man's hand away.]
I can never get all of it. [He mutters this as he takes out his hair, scrubbing his hands through it to shake it all loose.
[Along with the aforementioned niceties, Eren also has one (1) hairbrush he keeps nearby, which he sits up and takes now. Just let him get the tangles out...]
I like it better down, but then it really gets in my face.
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literally this icon
That's not how it is...
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[ And just so Eren knows it truly is light, good-hearted teasing, Maruki reaches over to jostle his shoulder fondly. Dork. ]
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Has he said something to you?
DELIBERATELY VAGUE DUE TO PENDING THREAD
Not in so many words. I'm just good at reading a room. It comes with the territory.
hehe
they're busy talking about Boyshe has other things on his mind now.]Hythlodaeus is...hard to wrap my head around. I couldn't say that it feels the same as it did before, like with you and Kanoa. It's just different.
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[ The teasing has entirely dropped away now. Maruki leans an elbow on the counter, sips his tea thoughtfully. ]
Do you think you can try to describe how it's different? It's okay if you can't. [ Don't hurt your head... ]
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He's a baffling sort of person. Everything about him...[Eren's voice trails off, and he closes his mouth tightly, apparently frustrated. He shrugs his shoulders.] No. I really can't explain it at all.
Every time we talk, I feel like I'm dreaming...
[Flowers blooming out of thin air, music floating all around them; memories slowly bleeding, two realities caught in a dance...]
It's confusing...
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[ He met Venat in dreams, waking with the slow, heavy sensation that he'd met someone meant to be put in his path. Everything since has felt dreamlike in its own way, though surely different from whatever Eren is describing.
Half of his own okonomiyaki gone; he'll save the other half as leftovers for Akechi. Focuses on his tea, the sleepiness that settles into his bones with a good meal. ]
He cares about you a great deal. That's all I can say for certain. We had a good talk while you were gone.
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Did he take care of you?
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Finally, it's only honesty that breaks through. Ever honesty for the person who deserves it most. ]
I don't really let others get the opportunity to take care of me. You know that.
[ It's up to those few who know how and when to force the issue. ]
However, that being said... I think I was able to talk to him more openly than I could anyone else who was hurting. I told him about our promise, and knowing one another in other realities. We spoke about the collective unconscious and the aetherial sea, which is always comforting to me. I asked him to describe your soul to me, and he did – that was a comfort, too.
[ He glances down into the mug, blows on it briefly before taking a sip. ]
So in a roundabout way, he did, though he probably doesn't realize it.
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[All that being said, when Eren considers it...]
I think he does realize.
When he cares about someone, he'll stay right beside them, even when things can't be helped. But it did help, didn't it? He probably intended for it to.
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He smiles at Eren, sets the tea down. ]
You're right. For a little while, I didn't feel quite so alone. It was a huge help, actually...
[ He slides off the chair then, moves to package up his own leftovers for Akechi.
He won't say that it was only a text conversation, that he was hardly going out and seeing anyone beyond whoever happened to be at the farm during his working hours. Maruki knows that isolating was a bad idea; he knew even as he was doing it. Did it anyway. ]
Speaking of not being alone, though. Are you going anywhere else tonight?
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[Eren stands up too, taking his own plate to the sink. He simply begins washing it, as casual as anything. There's not a time in his life where he would have gotten away with anything else.]
Unless you want me to leave. I'd just find somewhere else to go tonight.
hehe feel free to skip ahead if you want :3c
[ It's a gift, really, that Eren wants to spend as much time with him as he does. ]
Let's just hang out 'til you want to call it a night.
oh I want
[But being with his best friend makes him feel like he's taking his shoes off at the end of the day. It signals time to truly rest. He doesn't have to be adequately miserable or adequately functional or adequately cold or adquately warm.
[He only has to be.
[So, he stays here most nights. It's comfortable. He doesn't hesitate at the edge of the bed anymore. He has sleeping clothes and a toothbrush, just like Maruki has at the farm across that little swath of forest.
[It's safe. It's nice.]
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In the end, that's the common denominator between those in Somnius that Maruki is closest to and loves most – it's easy to be around them. He fakes it well in the general populace, but it's so rare that he finds it anything but difficult to relax and be himself. Not so with people like Venat, Akechi, Kurogiri, Maki, BB– and Eren. Of course Eren.
He sprawls out on the large bed next to his best friend, turns his head to look at him. ]
Ah, before I forget... Remember when you mentioned the photos up on your wall?
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That's right. They're still there too.
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[ With a huff of effort, he hoists himself up to his knees, reaches for one of the shelves above the bed. When he flops back down, he has one of his many stolen library books propped up on his chest, opens it up to a place in the middle with a photo stuck between two pages.
Gently, he plucks it and nudges it into Eren's hands. ]
I took it from your room while you were gone. Sorry...
[ The guilt is entirely genuine. ]
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[Eren blinks and looks at Maruki, lowering the photo.]
It's as much yours as it is mine, isn't it? I don't care.
I remember this day...
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[ Quietly insistent. He has his own version, on his phone. He still doesn't know what possessed him to go up to that bedroom Eren and Jean share while the farmhouse was entirely empty, to stare at the photos on the wall and take one down for himself.
In the end, he guesses he just wanted something of Eren's. In case it all started to disappear. ]
It was an important day for me. I still wasn't being honest with you back then, though... [ More guilt, twisting in his gut. ] We talked about creating realities, but I only let you know that it was something I researched, not something I did. [ A beat. ] Or do. Or– will, or whatever. [ Ugh, his head. ]
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I don't remember being angry that you kept the extent of your abilities a secret. It makes enough sense.
I might have been annoyed that you didn't trust me, but we hadn't realized yet. [That they're the same, that they were meant to meet, that they're who they are at all.]
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I know. I had a reason for everything that I did or didn't tell you. That doesn't mean I don't feel bad about it in hindsight, though.
[ Everything happened exactly as it needed to, as it should have. They exited that circle of lantern light changed; it couldn't ever have happened sooner than that. Still, the guilt gnaws. Maruki is a man who lives steeped in regrets, after all.
He looks at the photo in Eren's hands. That somber face next to his own grinning one; it's the same as in the selfie on his phone, and he treasures that dichotomy between them. ]
Anyhow– I remember thinking you were letting your hair get long because you were a lazy little shit. I guess you just never cut it again, huh?
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I guess I didn't. It stopped being necessary.
[A glance at Maruki.]
You think I should cut it now?
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No. You'd look weird. Too clean-cut...
[ And then he reaches out to push Eren's head, musses his loose hair over into his face. ]
Plus, I can do that when you start acting stupid.
[ And he'll do it again! ]
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I can never get all of it. [He mutters this as he takes out his hair, scrubbing his hands through it to shake it all loose.
[Along with the aforementioned niceties, Eren also has one (1) hairbrush he keeps nearby, which he sits up and takes now. Just let him get the tangles out...]
I like it better down, but then it really gets in my face.
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god. muki de pochi.
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WE CAN SNACK WRAP UNLESS U HAVE MORE