[Eren's breath catches, sharp enough to be a sob, but he makes no sound. His eyes briefly close under Maruki's touch, tears sliding down from the corners and into his ears. They open slowly. As he speaks, his bottom lip just barely trembles, the corners tugging at an odd angle.]
I don't think I know how to love right. Aside from you, it all feels false, somehow...
More than anything...anything at all...I want to be by your side. Because you feel the same, I...
[His voice becomes so tight that it's difficult to continue. He has to choke something down in his throat, a shaky breath forced out instead.]
[ Maruki has never known anyone who gives boundless love away as freely and wholly as Eren does. The fact that he feels like he doesn't do it right is heartbreaking in its own way.
A small, rotten corner of his heart will cling to that forever: Aside from you, it all feels false. He doesn't know what Eren really means by that, and he certainly doesn't find any pleasure in hearing it – but it means something nevertheless.
He chases those tears with his thumbs, wiping away the wet trails they leave. He always knew Eren would manage to cry around him again, no matter how staunchly he put forth that he was a walking corpse and nothing more, but he never could have expected it like this. Happy, hopeful– lucky.
Lucky to be loved by him.
It makes Maruki's own throat constrict; no one is supposed to feel that way about him, and the only person who could make him believe it is the one who does.
He draws a deep breath that only shakes a little, steadies himself as he strokes Eren's cheeks. The only thing he can manage to say to such beautiful sentiments bubbles up, filled with nothing less than tender conviction: ]
You're my favorite person.
[ The tips of his fingers skate up and over Eren's cheekbones. ]
You really are. In this reality, and the next one, every one... I can promise that, Eren.
[ His smile is shy but wide, warm, nearly beatific. ]
[A whimper is punched out of Eren's chest, garbled and watery. He was never supposed to find "home" again; never supposed to hope, never supposed to want, never supposed to have, because he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve love, conditional or otherwise, and he certainly doesn't deserve to eternally rest in a perfect world with his favorite person, his favorite person. Last night, Maruki made him happy - happy.
[Who is he to be happy?
[Who is he to be happy?
[There are these moments, fleeting but bright, where Eren feels as though Maruki has breathed life back into him, as precious as a new birth. It wells up in him now, and he squeezes his eyes shut tight, throwing an arm over the both of them as his teeth grit and bare.
[The tension explodes into a sob, and then, he's lost.
[Because Eren isn't dead. He isn't cold, he isn't hollow, he isn't empty - no, he's all too full. That well of overwhelming, catastrophic emotion never ran dry - only filled higher, and it pours out of his eyes now, his breath catching over and over and over and over again until he's barely breathing. His free arm gropes and grasps for whatever of Maruki he can reach, fingers clawing, legs shifting, because it feels impossible to remain still. He wants to say "thank you" or "I love you" or "why" or "please" or anything, but he can't.
[He can't.
[All he can do is cry, more violently, more passionately, more wretched than he has in years. It's ugly, snotty, ragged, and raw; he doesn't care, because he can't care.
[Through it all, there is this certainy that Maruki will soon wrap his arms around him, hush him, soothe him - Eren doesn't doubt it for a second; he waits for it, shattered there on the makeshift bed.
[ Maruki hasn't asked, and he hasn't had to – he can guess that after Eren returned to his reality to carry out his life, he didn't have time or safety to cry like he had before. Even in those waning days of his former life in Visium, Maruki is pretty sure he had filtered down into only crying around him.
It's been a long time. He deserves this moment, broken open with relief, his whole soul bared to be held in two safe hands.
Maruki doesn't waste time. He rolls off Eren, onto his side, then onto his back, pulling him all along the way. With their positions reversed, Eren can become dead weight atop him, wrap his arms up around Maruki's neck and bury his face down into his chest. He can cry as long and as loud as he wants– as he needs.
He holds Eren tight in both arms, crooks one so that he can stroke fingers through the back of his hair. With his chin tucked down, he can whisper quiet, soothing nonsense near Eren's ear, kiss the top of his head, squeeze him tighter and tighter as he cries and cries.
There's no visible light in Visium anymore, save for the moon reflecting off the snowbanks. There's no telling how long they spend like this in the windmill, and Maruki's perfectly happy that way. Let the rest of the world fall empty around them. They're safe. They're home. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I don't think I know how to love right. Aside from you, it all feels false, somehow...
More than anything...anything at all...I want to be by your side. Because you feel the same, I...
[His voice becomes so tight that it's difficult to continue. He has to choke something down in his throat, a shaky breath forced out instead.]
I felt lucky. To be the one you love too.
no subject
A small, rotten corner of his heart will cling to that forever: Aside from you, it all feels false. He doesn't know what Eren really means by that, and he certainly doesn't find any pleasure in hearing it – but it means something nevertheless.
He chases those tears with his thumbs, wiping away the wet trails they leave. He always knew Eren would manage to cry around him again, no matter how staunchly he put forth that he was a walking corpse and nothing more, but he never could have expected it like this. Happy, hopeful– lucky.
Lucky to be loved by him.
It makes Maruki's own throat constrict; no one is supposed to feel that way about him, and the only person who could make him believe it is the one who does.
He draws a deep breath that only shakes a little, steadies himself as he strokes Eren's cheeks. The only thing he can manage to say to such beautiful sentiments bubbles up, filled with nothing less than tender conviction: ]
You're my favorite person.
[ The tips of his fingers skate up and over Eren's cheekbones. ]
You really are. In this reality, and the next one, every one... I can promise that, Eren.
[ His smile is shy but wide, warm, nearly beatific. ]
So stay by my side. You're home.
we can wrap here or on your next one I feel sick
[Who is he to be happy?
[Who is he to be happy?
[There are these moments, fleeting but bright, where Eren feels as though Maruki has breathed life back into him, as precious as a new birth. It wells up in him now, and he squeezes his eyes shut tight, throwing an arm over the both of them as his teeth grit and bare.
[The tension explodes into a sob, and then, he's lost.
[Because Eren isn't dead. He isn't cold, he isn't hollow, he isn't empty - no, he's all too full. That well of overwhelming, catastrophic emotion never ran dry - only filled higher, and it pours out of his eyes now, his breath catching over and over and over and over again until he's barely breathing. His free arm gropes and grasps for whatever of Maruki he can reach, fingers clawing, legs shifting, because it feels impossible to remain still. He wants to say "thank you" or "I love you" or "why" or "please" or anything, but he can't.
[He can't.
[All he can do is cry, more violently, more passionately, more wretched than he has in years. It's ugly, snotty, ragged, and raw; he doesn't care, because he can't care.
[Through it all, there is this certainy that Maruki will soon wrap his arms around him, hush him, soothe him - Eren doesn't doubt it for a second; he waits for it, shattered there on the makeshift bed.
[He's home. He's home.
[He's home, he's home, he's home, he's home, he's home.
[Thank God. Thank God, he's finally home.]
no subject
It's been a long time. He deserves this moment, broken open with relief, his whole soul bared to be held in two safe hands.
Maruki doesn't waste time. He rolls off Eren, onto his side, then onto his back, pulling him all along the way. With their positions reversed, Eren can become dead weight atop him, wrap his arms up around Maruki's neck and bury his face down into his chest. He can cry as long and as loud as he wants– as he needs.
He holds Eren tight in both arms, crooks one so that he can stroke fingers through the back of his hair. With his chin tucked down, he can whisper quiet, soothing nonsense near Eren's ear, kiss the top of his head, squeeze him tighter and tighter as he cries and cries.
There's no visible light in Visium anymore, save for the moon reflecting off the snowbanks. There's no telling how long they spend like this in the windmill, and Maruki's perfectly happy that way. Let the rest of the world fall empty around them. They're safe. They're home. ]