[Akechi doesn't move away. That yank was a gamble, but it's paid off. He's talking as he normally would. Eren will move slow from here. He lets his arms encircle Akechi just a little closer. He bites down hard on his lip until it starts to bleed. Steam rises around him, red grooves branching out from under his eyes. Crackles of hot energy briefly envelope them, too, but Eren stops there. Even the beginnings of the transformation produce heat. He can warm in short bursts like that.]
That's right. When we were training in the mountains as cadets, our superiors warned us of soldiers that got lost and were found without their clothes. That's a lot of layers to remove if it were only something mental...
[He'll die if he doesn't do this - that's how Akechi convinces himself to not smack at the arms around his body.
A living heater is just that. Eren is obligated to keep allies alive. Akechi needs to live, so-
It makes sense. Rational. Logical. He looks up to see the red marks splay under Eren's eyes, feel the pulsing mild heat that keeps his blood circulating. It's nice. He hates this.]
I suppose that's true. [He blinks the snow out of his eyes - no sense in moving his hands to wipe at it and ruin this delicate temperature balance happening between flesh and fabric.] You've been training since your youth, haven't you? I recall you being young when the whole ordeal began. It must have been taxing to go through it all at such an age, but if there's no choice, well-
[It doesn't matter.]
What would you have done, if the world hadn't condemned you to a life of military service and bloodshed?
[Snow lands on Eren's cheeks and instantly fizzles out into steam. He curls in closer around Akechi, as if he's the one trying to shield himself from the wind - Akechi merely has no choice but to go with.]
Even as a kid, I only wanted to become a Scout and fight titans. When I was twelve, I joined the Cadet Corps, and when I was fifteen, I joined the Scout Regiment.
At first, that was only as an alternative to killing me...
[Conditioned for war - Akechi doesn't care about fighting his words. Eren wanted to be a scout. A cadet. In the military, as if that would have ever been a choice to deviate from in such a callous world.
It's warmer now. He doesn't fight that either - turns his face upwards and tries to avoid brushing his cheek against Eren's. It's claustrophobic, somehow, on this expansive cliffside that seems to get smaller with every second.]
Say you were born in Tokyo - in Aubrey's generation or my own. Maruki's even. An entire peaceful world is yours to live in. You could do anything at all. Teach. Cook. Travel. Live the life of a celebrity or one of quiet solitude. You're set to live a long, healthy life. No door is shut. All paths open if you choose to walk down it.
[It feels like an earnest question. Eren wants to brush it off. He's never thought about it - that's true. He sees no point in dreaming about something that will never happen - that's true too. Akechi is the one asking, though. He sounds like he actually wants to know. How could Eren reject something like that?
[He didn't only want to be a Scout. He didn't only want to kill. He didn't only want war. There was more. There was something there first. It hurts to think about. He still wants it...]
I wanted to see all of the world's wonders. I wanted to see every corner of it.
[Eren's cheek does, indeed, press up against Akechi's, just as warm as the rest of him.]
That didn't turn out well. Still. In a completely free world, like the one you're describing...
[He concentrates on the contact between skin - equal parts ready to push him away entirely and maintain the status quo through a storm that continues to rage.
Akechi barely feels the bitter winter air - only through cracks between them, thorough small openings in their joined bodies. It occurs to him with a brief flicker of irritation that he didn't notice how rapidly Eren had moved around him.
They have to do this. They're far enough from town, Machiya and farm to be a problem if he opts to leave this hold. Maruki may be able to fix any frostbite, but that's only if he can make it. He isn't dressed for the temperature, not built for the weather overall.
He doesn't move. Listens to Eren speak and-
It's hilarious. Travel. A stupid desire for freedom from those that will never have it - from birth to death, their lives were decided. A bitter laugh is halted - comes out as a breathy exhale instead.]
I see. It suits you. [A beat. It's warm. He pulls his cheek away, but it doesn't go far - pretends like it's because he wants to make eye contact instead.] It's funny how I feel the same way. When I became a celebrity, it felt like an attainable goal - money, prestige, power. All are required to travel to the extent I wanted to in my world. It was somewhat of a foolish, temporary urge. I came to my senses rather fast, but sometimes I still entertain the thought as a fantasy.
[This closeness is dangerous. Akechi leans away, and it's just enough for Eren to see him. The storm has made the world dark, but snow illuminates too; he sees Akechi in a strange light. Their noses are close enough to brush, but Eren doesn't move an inch. He watches him.]
[Names of cities come to mind - Eren wouldn't know a single one. To visit and immerse himself as Akechi Goro - not a prince, not a lapdog, not anyone. It was a wish borne from himself for himself. No ploy or lofty goal behind it. It's why it was the most unattainable of all and the one he gave up the second it flickered to life. It's only a fantasy. Only an interview response.]
Other countries, the seven wonders, small towns and large cities outside of Japan. [Maruki's going to take him somewhere when they return. Akechi has his doubts it will work out, but-] I don't remember anything outside of Tokyo's borders, though I wasn't born there. I wanted to see other parts of Japan because of that - visit different festivals and see national landmarks.
[Find
his mom
her ashes-
her corpse-
an unmarked grave in a shitty field-]
There's an innumerable number of places in my reality to visit. A lifetime wouldn't be enough to see it all.
[Eren genuinely doesn't mean to shift closer as they talk, but he finds his arms holding tighter, his vision of the boy going blurry in front of him. The wind howls and rattles. Eren bites down on his lip again and allows the transformation to begin, generate its preliminary heat.]
[Akechi doesn't care how long Eren can keep this up for - another billow of steam warms his body again. Marks under his eyes bloom in stark black lines. If Akechi wrapped his fingers around his throat, it would make different colors appear along his iris.
As he's held close. Asked about his own wants. Kept contained, kept safe, as if Akechi needs it. As if he wants it. As if he won't repay it with a bloody corpse someday and-
Eren would like that. Maybe he knows. Maybe that's why. He shifts his body, just a little. Frees his gloved hands so they rest between them against Akechi's own chest, but their proximity is so close Eren likely feels them too.
And he talks.
Runs his frozen lips about pyramids, gardens, temples and mausoleums. Their origin, their meaning - stories he's read over and over in the dead of night when he couldn't sleep, he can't ever sleep, and entertained the false, pathetic urge to have a life beyond this. He doesn't want it. He never wanted it.
As if he was ever meant to. As if he could. As if he didn't start on this journey to repay blood with blood at the cost of his own life. He doesn't want it. A future he doesn't want. A life he doesn't need. There's nothing waiting for him and it's what he deserves. What he wants. What he's prepared for.
All things intermingling and nothing settles except for quietly recited facts about a world Eren will never see.]
A book will never compare to seeing it in person, but if I find them in the library I'll show you.
[Eren could listen to Akechi talk all day. He wants to. The wonders he describes are, indeed, fascinating, but Eren could care less what the topic was. Akechi tells him about incredible things all the time. He's smart, and clever, and funny; Eren finds a new reason to be fond with every word - a change of inflection here, a chattering of teeth here. He wants to warm Akechi's lips. Their faces are so close. Eren could lean forward and merely rest their foreheads together; he tries...]
For someone who would never see it otherwise, a book can be life-changing...
[Howling wind starts to die down the moment Akechi's own voice wavers. Eren's is low and loud over it all. There's a heat against his forehead, breath warming his face. Akechi's too cold to shake off whatever sentimental shit a touchy man wants to do. A man that gives what he wants to receive and Akechi will never return it - they both know. It's not a secret.
So he doesn't pull back, leans forward on instinct to meet warmth in every place he lacks. In every way he wanted to be loved and needed and-
Pulls back, a little.
Raises a hand, a little.
Presses palm and fingers around Eren's throat, a little. Forcing him back - a connection severed with a push against a man's neck. Not bruising. Maybe painful. It's enough to keep the slightest separation between their faces.
The back of his hand feels frozen and warmer than ever. He could squeeze every bit of heat out of Eren now, while they're alone in this secluded area that has become theirs - steal it for himself, let those he lays with languish over it. Doesn't care because they weren't smart enough to rip it free with their own power and-
He never needed it. Doesn't now. There's a layer of snow on his hair and Eren's. The flurry around them easier to see through.]
If I stumble across it, I will. It's not something I'll waste time trying to seek out.
[Eren feels Akechi's hand, cold even beneath the glove, around his throat. It's a tender, comfortable feeling. Eren presses into it until their foreheads are resting together again, his throat squeezing tight. He closes his eyes.]
Do something else for me, then. It's simple. I won't ask for anything else.
[It occurs to him the moment their foreheads touch that Eren has a death wish. Knew it, in the moments after his return to this reality. It didn't register until this moment.
Eren doesn't hesitate - risks the movement to connect them again. Akechi doesn't pull back - a reward and warning all at once. If Eren can mutter out that request through the binding force around his throat, then-]
Go on then. Say it and I'll decide whether to indulge you.
Edited 2024-12-03 02:19 (UTC)
cw: suicidal ideation, murder, assault??? all sorts of fucked up shit
[Eren tries for a deep breath. He tries for a deep breath because he knows that he can't take one. Akechi Goro doesn't truly hold Eren's life in his hands - if Eren wanted to survive him, he could.
[But he doesn't want to survive Akechi. He wants Akechi to eat him whole. He wants Akechi to take out every ounce of wretched anger that lives inside of him on a worthy target - one who understands the beauty of that rage.]
Kiss me.
[His voice is weak, tight. He continues anyway.]
Once a day. When I see you in the morning. That's all.
Akechi chokes air out of Eren's lungs and with that limited breath, he begs for more. Leans into more. Lets Akechi squeeze the warmth from his body and take it for himself the only way he's ever known how. Keeps talking. Kiss me. He hates Eren with every fiber of his being. Leans forward to tease a brush of his lips, to curl his fingers into flesh until they go completely numb from the pressure. Eren won't die, but Akechi wishes he would.]
No.
[Whispered against Eren's mouth, featherlight and quiet. An edge of cruelty and mockery in his tone. 'No' muttered again as he forces Eren to close the distance by pulling at his neck, unrelenting in his hold. It's the smallest movement, the shortest distance, but it's an overwhelming sense of power that makes his chest bloom with excitement. It's not the kiss - not even a kiss. Akechi uses Eren to warm his own frigid face. Waits for choked out words he can steal with his own parted lips. It's not a kiss - it's nothing. It's meaningless. It's pathetic - a god practically on his knees for something so fucking worthless.]
Get it from your house of consorts - I'm not among them.
[And he leans back, unclenches his fingers and lets them relax against his neck. Try again.]
[All breath is choked out of Eren. Akechi teases at his lips, and he feels warmth bloom low in his stomach, his head going foggy, dizzy. He moves his lips numbly against Akechi's, murmuring without words, taking whatever he can. He's wanted. He's wanted and wanted.
[Eren is released. He's ever human, sucking in a breath, chest heaving for more. He looks at Akechi, eyes wild.]
A man with no shortage of people to press his lips again - Akechi's infuriated. Doesn't care. Once a week - as if he can be negotiated with him. As if it matters. As if-
A gloved hand around Eren's throat is all he wants. Akechi wonders if he could press a blade to his spine - right now, it would be so simple. The back of his neck is a way to kill him and-
That's where his fingers rest now, against the nape, strands of hair caught under.]
It was a false world that put us together. Don't fall victim to it again - do you really think I'll fall in line with your pathetic little followers?
[Akechi will never give in. Never be his. Never be a numbered door on a goddamn farm. To be wanted - and this is it. To be wanted and it burns hot in his chest. Once a day, once a week - he murmurs against Eren's lips. ]
I won't do it. You've failed - this is where your little indulgence ends. If you try anymore, I'll retaliate.
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no subject
That's right. When we were training in the mountains as cadets, our superiors warned us of soldiers that got lost and were found without their clothes. That's a lot of layers to remove if it were only something mental...
no subject
A living heater is just that. Eren is obligated to keep allies alive. Akechi needs to live, so-
It makes sense. Rational. Logical. He looks up to see the red marks splay under Eren's eyes, feel the pulsing mild heat that keeps his blood circulating. It's nice. He hates this.]
I suppose that's true. [He blinks the snow out of his eyes - no sense in moving his hands to wipe at it and ruin this delicate temperature balance happening between flesh and fabric.] You've been training since your youth, haven't you? I recall you being young when the whole ordeal began. It must have been taxing to go through it all at such an age, but if there's no choice, well-
[It doesn't matter.]
What would you have done, if the world hadn't condemned you to a life of military service and bloodshed?
no subject
[Snow lands on Eren's cheeks and instantly fizzles out into steam. He curls in closer around Akechi, as if he's the one trying to shield himself from the wind - Akechi merely has no choice but to go with.]
Even as a kid, I only wanted to become a Scout and fight titans. When I was twelve, I joined the Cadet Corps, and when I was fifteen, I joined the Scout Regiment.
At first, that was only as an alternative to killing me...
no subject
It's warmer now. He doesn't fight that either - turns his face upwards and tries to avoid brushing his cheek against Eren's. It's claustrophobic, somehow, on this expansive cliffside that seems to get smaller with every second.]
Say you were born in Tokyo - in Aubrey's generation or my own. Maruki's even. An entire peaceful world is yours to live in. You could do anything at all. Teach. Cook. Travel. Live the life of a celebrity or one of quiet solitude. You're set to live a long, healthy life. No door is shut. All paths open if you choose to walk down it.
What would you do then?
no subject
[He didn't only want to be a Scout. He didn't only want to kill. He didn't only want war. There was more. There was something there first. It hurts to think about. He still wants it...]
I wanted to see all of the world's wonders. I wanted to see every corner of it.
[Eren's cheek does, indeed, press up against Akechi's, just as warm as the rest of him.]
That didn't turn out well. Still. In a completely free world, like the one you're describing...
I guess...that's still what I'd want.
no subject
Akechi barely feels the bitter winter air - only through cracks between them, thorough small openings in their joined bodies. It occurs to him with a brief flicker of irritation that he didn't notice how rapidly Eren had moved around him.
They have to do this. They're far enough from town, Machiya and farm to be a problem if he opts to leave this hold. Maruki may be able to fix any frostbite, but that's only if he can make it. He isn't dressed for the temperature, not built for the weather overall.
He doesn't move. Listens to Eren speak and-
It's hilarious. Travel. A stupid desire for freedom from those that will never have it - from birth to death, their lives were decided. A bitter laugh is halted - comes out as a breathy exhale instead.]
I see. It suits you. [A beat. It's warm. He pulls his cheek away, but it doesn't go far - pretends like it's because he wants to make eye contact instead.] It's funny how I feel the same way. When I became a celebrity, it felt like an attainable goal - money, prestige, power. All are required to travel to the extent I wanted to in my world. It was somewhat of a foolish, temporary urge. I came to my senses rather fast, but sometimes I still entertain the thought as a fantasy.
no subject
What did you want to see?
cw: DEATH
[Names of cities come to mind - Eren wouldn't know a single one. To visit and immerse himself as Akechi Goro - not a prince, not a lapdog, not anyone. It was a wish borne from himself for himself. No ploy or lofty goal behind it. It's why it was the most unattainable of all and the one he gave up the second it flickered to life. It's only a fantasy. Only an interview response.]
Other countries, the seven wonders, small towns and large cities outside of Japan. [Maruki's going to take him somewhere when they return. Akechi has his doubts it will work out, but-] I don't remember anything outside of Tokyo's borders, though I wasn't born there. I wanted to see other parts of Japan because of that - visit different festivals and see national landmarks.
[Find
her ashes-
There's an innumerable number of places in my reality to visit. A lifetime wouldn't be enough to see it all.her corpse-
an unmarked grave in a shitty field-]
no subject
Tell me about the "seven wonders".
cw: violent thoughts, suicidal ideation MAYBE?????
As he's held close. Asked about his own wants. Kept contained, kept safe, as if Akechi needs it. As if he wants it. As if he won't repay it with a bloody corpse someday and-
Eren would like that. Maybe he knows. Maybe that's why. He shifts his body, just a little. Frees his gloved hands so they rest between them against Akechi's own chest, but their proximity is so close Eren likely feels them too.
And he talks.
Runs his frozen lips about pyramids, gardens, temples and mausoleums. Their origin, their meaning - stories he's read over and over in the dead of night when he couldn't sleep, he can't ever sleep, and entertained the false, pathetic urge to have a life beyond this. He doesn't want it. He never wanted it.
As if he was ever meant to. As if he could. As if he didn't start on this journey to repay blood with blood at the cost of his own life. He doesn't want it. A future he doesn't want. A life he doesn't need. There's nothing waiting for him and it's what he deserves. What he wants. What he's prepared for.
All things intermingling and nothing settles except for quietly recited facts about a world Eren will never see.]
A book will never compare to seeing it in person, but if I find them in the library I'll show you.
no subject
For someone who would never see it otherwise, a book can be life-changing...
[Some oddness to his voice, at that.]
I want to see it. I want you to teach me.
cw: VIOLENT THOUGHTS, perhaps attempted strangulation adjacent
So he doesn't pull back, leans forward on instinct to meet warmth in every place he lacks. In every way he wanted to be loved and needed and-
Pulls back, a little.Raises a hand, a little.
Presses palm and fingers around Eren's throat, a little. Forcing him back - a connection severed with a push against a man's neck. Not bruising. Maybe painful. It's enough to keep the slightest separation between their faces.
The back of his hand feels frozen and warmer than ever. He could squeeze every bit of heat out of Eren now, while they're alone in this secluded area that has become theirs - steal it for himself, let those he lays with languish over it. Doesn't care because they weren't smart enough to rip it free with their own power and-
He never needed it. Doesn't now. There's a layer of snow on his hair and Eren's. The flurry around them easier to see through.]
If I stumble across it, I will. It's not something I'll waste time trying to seek out.
no subject
Do something else for me, then. It's simple. I won't ask for anything else.
cw: strangulation adjacent continued
Eren doesn't hesitate - risks the movement to connect them again. Akechi doesn't pull back - a reward and warning all at once. If Eren can mutter out that request through the binding force around his throat, then-]
Go on then. Say it and I'll decide whether to indulge you.
cw: suicidal ideation, murder, assault??? all sorts of fucked up shit
[But he doesn't want to survive Akechi. He wants Akechi to eat him whole. He wants Akechi to take out every ounce of wretched anger that lives inside of him on a worthy target - one who understands the beauty of that rage.]
Kiss me.
[His voice is weak, tight. He continues anyway.]
Once a day. When I see you in the morning. That's all.
cw: suicidal ideation, murderous intent, assault CONT
Akechi chokes air out of Eren's lungs and with that limited breath, he begs for more. Leans into more. Lets Akechi squeeze the warmth from his body and take it for himself the only way he's ever known how. Keeps talking. Kiss me. He hates Eren with every fiber of his being. Leans forward to tease a brush of his lips, to curl his fingers into flesh until they go completely numb from the pressure. Eren won't die, but Akechi wishes he would.]
No.
[Whispered against Eren's mouth, featherlight and quiet. An edge of cruelty and mockery in his tone. 'No' muttered again as he forces Eren to close the distance by pulling at his neck, unrelenting in his hold. It's the smallest movement, the shortest distance, but it's an overwhelming sense of power that makes his chest bloom with excitement. It's not the kiss - not even a kiss. Akechi uses Eren to warm his own frigid face. Waits for choked out words he can steal with his own parted lips. It's not a kiss - it's nothing. It's meaningless. It's pathetic - a god practically on his knees for something so fucking worthless.]
Get it from your house of consorts - I'm not among them.
[And he leans back, unclenches his fingers and lets them relax against his neck. Try again.]
cw: not nsfw but close
[Eren is released. He's ever human, sucking in a breath, chest heaving for more. He looks at Akechi, eyes wild.]
Once a week. I want you. You...
cw: dear lord just dont read
like this.
From him.A man with no shortage of people to press his lips again - Akechi's infuriated. Doesn't care. Once a week - as if he can be negotiated with him. As if it matters. As if-
A gloved hand around Eren's throat is all he wants. Akechi wonders if he could press a blade to his spine - right now, it would be so simple. The back of his neck is a way to kill him and-
That's where his fingers rest now, against the nape, strands of hair caught under.]
It was a false world that put us together. Don't fall victim to it again - do you really think I'll fall in line with your pathetic little followers?
[Akechi will never give in. Never be his. Never be a numbered door on a goddamn farm. To be wanted - and this is it. To be wanted and it burns hot in his chest. Once a day, once a week - he murmurs against Eren's lips. ]
I won't do it. You've failed - this is where your little indulgence ends. If you try anymore, I'll retaliate.
no subject