[ True to his word, after the sun has set and his house has been fed, Maruki heads out.
There's a dim light emanating from the windows high up in the windmill, which means Eren is already inside. He flies right up, partial to this mode of transport by far lately, and coos quietly from the windowsill to announce his presence. ]
[Eren is expecting it. He stands up from where he'd been sitting on the ground, and paces over to the window. He holds out his hand for Maruki to hop onto his wrist. Then, he'll pull him up to his cheek and nuzzle their heads together, not a word yet spoken.]
[ It's the safest feeling in the world, he thinks. To press his small, softly feathered head to the inhuman warmth of Eren's cheek, to close his eyes and know he can stay like this for as long as he wants.
It lasts a while, silent but for the creaking of the windmill. When Maruki's ready to be placed down so he can transform safely, he turns to peck his beak twice against the side of Eren's nose. ]
[It's reluctant, but Eren sets him down - not without just the softest touch of lip against the side of his head. He takes a seat after that, tucking himself away in the little comfort nest they've created. If another soul ever steps foot into this loft, Eren isn't aware of it.]
[ It's reluctant for Maruki too – he really would stay like that for hours, but that's not what he came here for...
Safely on the landing of the loft, Maruki transforms back into himself in a burst of gray feathers. A couple get caught in his mouth as he gently coughs them out. ]
I'm still not great at that part...
[ Give him a second to get reoriented, and then it's time to join Eren in their makeshift bed. ]
[Whether Eren's already forgotten why Maruki came in the first place, or whether he simply doesn't want to draw attention to it yet, it's unclear. He acts casual, unbothered, pulling Maruki in close against his chest. He props his legs up on either side of him.]
Every once in a while, one will just pop out too...
[ Maruki turns until he can lean back against Eren's chest, slumping down comfortably and grabbing his arms to wrap around him like a seatbelt. He tips his head back to look at his Other, thoughtful for a moment, and then– ]
[There is absolutely not a single other soul in any plane of existence that Eren would do this for, and especially not so casually that he barely seems to mind at all - by way of answer, he simply lets them pop out of his head. Twitch twitch.]
[If neither of them bother bringing it up, then...Maruki won't hear what he wanted to hear at all. Eren doesn't...want to say it with dog ears on his head.]
[ It's quiet. So quiet. Barely more than a breath: ]
Forever...
[ Eren is so close, knows his heart so well that he can surely tell the difference in the few seconds that contemplative silence turns to hesitation before he speaks again. ]
Do you remember when you used to tell me to pretend you were dead?
[ It's a gentle, reassuring thing. Maruki has never invalidated anything Eren feels, and this certainly won't be the time he breaks that sacred habit.
He leans back heavier against Eren, curls himself more into that strong hold. ]
I could never make myself do it, though. I figured you resented that, and it's okay if you did. I just– I couldn't. [ It felt like tempting fate, knowing that Eren would eventually leave to live out his future and die. ] I don't know. I suppose I sort of hung onto that...
[ It's true, isn't it? Even when Eren was completely hollowed out, dead eyed and miserable in those days after Mikasa, Maruki was the one who could elicit any emotion from him, even if it was grief.
He runs his fingers up and down one of Eren's forearms, feels himself smiling despite the subject matter. ]
I think I'm beginning to cling a bit too tightly to everyone here. They're all dead or about to die, so...
[ He feels so, so intensely lonely these days, no matter how close he tries to keep to them. ]
Anyway... I guess it helped to hear you say that in at least one situation, you would rather live.
ohhhhhhhh universe of three links in my taggggggggs
[This reality is built on a unique, terrible strain of grief. The dead walk amongst the living, everyone's future a prophecy just waiting to be revealed. Maruki has been placed in the position of having to grieve the people he's surrounded by each and every day - people he loves, people he doesn't want to die...
[Of course, he'd want Eren more than any of them. He realizes - perhaps, for the first time - how painful it must have been for Maruki to have to hear him talk that way...
[His palm tenderly cups his Other's cheek. He almost wishes Maruki would cry. It seems like the sort of thing that ought to make someone cry.]
When I say I'd do anything for you, you must realize what that means, right?
I would live...only because I know you'd want me to.
[It may not be what Maruki wants to hear - it isn't pretty, like saying he wants to live because he sees the purpose now, feels the joy. Those things still aren't true, but the fact that he'd go as far as to preserve his own life for the sake of someone else is...completely antithetical to anything he's ever done. Even he doesn't quite realize the gravity of what he's just said.]
[ It's not what he first wanted to hear when he arrived here, no–
It's better.
Maruki tips his cheek down into Eren's hand, rests heavily against it, eyes fixed forward on the mess of cushions and blankets and pillows that is the loft of the windmill. The true weight of those words settles over both of them slowly, and it's such a beautiful thing, so sacred between just the two of them – Eren would stay alive for him. For no one else but him. When everything else is gone but the two of them, Eren will still have a reason to live...
His throat feels tight, heat rising up the back of it. ]
I realize that now. It's... [ He turns his cheek ever so slightly to brush his nose against Eren's palm, then a kiss. With anyone else, he'd force himself to find the words, but with his Other– ] I don't know what to say.
[ And that's okay.
A bit of dampness catches on his lashes. Eren has seen him cry more than anyone else in this reality by far, so he already knows that when Maruki's tears come, they aren't loud. They don't make a sound.
With his back pressed against Eren's chest to rest in his arms like this, the only clues that he might be tearing up are the slightest of hitch in his breath and the short, choked breath of a laugh when he apologizes. ]
[Eren hears it, as if his ears were fine-tuned for doing so. He can't see his Other's face, and maybe that's for the best, but he wants to - needs to. He takes Maruki's head and tilts it back, watches him upside down. Eren's own expression is warm, pained.]
Takuto...
[His voice is so soft.]
It's alright.
[He takes the man's glasses and shifts them away from his eyes, tucks them up into his hair. He leans down, kisses each each damp cheek.]
[ His face is tipped back, and the tears that were threatening to fall slip up into his temples instead as his glasses are moved away.
Eren knows what a weighty gesture that alone is. Why it makes Maruki's heart catch and ache against his ribs.
He shakes his head in Eren's tender hands, another soft laugh escaping. ]
I'm not upset. I'm happy, actually– you'd live for me, so...
[ So, why does he blink another couple tears over the edge? ]
I suppose I'm just tired.
[ From what, he's not sure. The last month was stressful, but Eren made him take a break, and he was doing better– although it occurs to Maruki now that perhaps it was the break itself that he's missing. A few days of getting to eschew all responsibilities, answer to nothing and no one but one another. Something like that isn't sustainable until they have the world at their feet to make it so.
Perhaps it's just the culmination of everything. He's been here nearly a year. He'll be a year older soon. It's so strange. ]
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> post-sleepr
There's a dim light emanating from the windows high up in the windmill, which means Eren is already inside. He flies right up, partial to this mode of transport by far lately, and coos quietly from the windowsill to announce his presence. ]
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It lasts a while, silent but for the creaking of the windmill. When Maruki's ready to be placed down so he can transform safely, he turns to peck his beak twice against the side of Eren's nose. ]
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Safely on the landing of the loft, Maruki transforms back into himself in a burst of gray feathers. A couple get caught in his mouth as he gently coughs them out. ]
I'm still not great at that part...
[ Give him a second to get reoriented, and then it's time to join Eren in their makeshift bed. ]
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[Whether Eren's already forgotten why Maruki came in the first place, or whether he simply doesn't want to draw attention to it yet, it's unclear. He acts casual, unbothered, pulling Maruki in close against his chest. He props his legs up on either side of him.]
Every once in a while, one will just pop out too...
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Do you get wolf ears too?
[ ouppy......... ]
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Oh, my!!
[ Oh, he's so purely delighted. Let him reach up to scritch one of the ears, please. ]
It's too cute...
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Everything sounds louder like this...
[Two sets of ears?!]
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You don't have to stay this way for long. I bet it feels weird. But I'm glad I got to see it!
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[If neither of them bother bringing it up, then...Maruki won't hear what he wanted to hear at all. Eren doesn't...want to say it with dog ears on his head.]
Just...tell me when you're ready.
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Slowly, he draws his hands away, replaces them over Eren's arms wrapped around his middle.
He rests his head back against Eren's shoulder, and once those ears are gone, once enough silence has passed, he nearly whispers it. ]
You don't want to die?
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It's not what I think about anymore.
My life back in my true reality has ended, and I still want for that to be true. I'm tired of being here too. I don't want to be, but...
We've decided on another alternative.
Since our empty world will be real, that's where I want to go. For that to happen, I have to stay alive.
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You want something else more than you want to return to being dead. To resting.
[ Maybe that means more, actually... ]
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To keep talking to you. For a long time.
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Forever...
[ Eren is so close, knows his heart so well that he can surely tell the difference in the few seconds that contemplative silence turns to hesitation before he speaks again. ]
Do you remember when you used to tell me to pretend you were dead?
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Yes. I felt it.
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[ It's a gentle, reassuring thing. Maruki has never invalidated anything Eren feels, and this certainly won't be the time he breaks that sacred habit.
He leans back heavier against Eren, curls himself more into that strong hold. ]
I could never make myself do it, though. I figured you resented that, and it's okay if you did. I just– I couldn't. [ It felt like tempting fate, knowing that Eren would eventually leave to live out his future and die. ] I don't know. I suppose I sort of hung onto that...
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[His voice is quiet. He rests his cheek atop Maruki's head.]
I didn't feel the same with you as I felt with anyone else. If any part of me was still alive, it was the part you saw...
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He runs his fingers up and down one of Eren's forearms, feels himself smiling despite the subject matter. ]
I think I'm beginning to cling a bit too tightly to everyone here. They're all dead or about to die, so...
[ He feels so, so intensely lonely these days, no matter how close he tries to keep to them. ]
Anyway... I guess it helped to hear you say that in at least one situation, you would rather live.
ohhhhhhhh universe of three links in my taggggggggs
[Of course, he'd want Eren more than any of them. He realizes - perhaps, for the first time - how painful it must have been for Maruki to have to hear him talk that way...
[His palm tenderly cups his Other's cheek. He almost wishes Maruki would cry. It seems like the sort of thing that ought to make someone cry.]
When I say I'd do anything for you, you must realize what that means, right?
I would live...only because I know you'd want me to.
[It may not be what Maruki wants to hear - it isn't pretty, like saying he wants to live because he sees the purpose now, feels the joy. Those things still aren't true, but the fact that he'd go as far as to preserve his own life for the sake of someone else is...completely antithetical to anything he's ever done. Even he doesn't quite realize the gravity of what he's just said.]
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It's better.
Maruki tips his cheek down into Eren's hand, rests heavily against it, eyes fixed forward on the mess of cushions and blankets and pillows that is the loft of the windmill. The true weight of those words settles over both of them slowly, and it's such a beautiful thing, so sacred between just the two of them – Eren would stay alive for him. For no one else but him. When everything else is gone but the two of them, Eren will still have a reason to live...
His throat feels tight, heat rising up the back of it. ]
I realize that now. It's... [ He turns his cheek ever so slightly to brush his nose against Eren's palm, then a kiss. With anyone else, he'd force himself to find the words, but with his Other– ] I don't know what to say.
[ And that's okay.
A bit of dampness catches on his lashes. Eren has seen him cry more than anyone else in this reality by far, so he already knows that when Maruki's tears come, they aren't loud. They don't make a sound.
With his back pressed against Eren's chest to rest in his arms like this, the only clues that he might be tearing up are the slightest of hitch in his breath and the short, choked breath of a laugh when he apologizes. ]
Sorry...
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Takuto...
[His voice is so soft.]
It's alright.
[He takes the man's glasses and shifts them away from his eyes, tucks them up into his hair. He leans down, kisses each each damp cheek.]
It's just me. If you want to cry...just cry...
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Eren knows what a weighty gesture that alone is. Why it makes Maruki's heart catch and ache against his ribs.
He shakes his head in Eren's tender hands, another soft laugh escaping. ]
I'm not upset. I'm happy, actually– you'd live for me, so...
[ So, why does he blink another couple tears over the edge? ]
I suppose I'm just tired.
[ From what, he's not sure. The last month was stressful, but Eren made him take a break, and he was doing better– although it occurs to Maruki now that perhaps it was the break itself that he's missing. A few days of getting to eschew all responsibilities, answer to nothing and no one but one another. Something like that isn't sustainable until they have the world at their feet to make it so.
Perhaps it's just the culmination of everything. He's been here nearly a year. He'll be a year older soon. It's so strange. ]
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hehe do you wanna wrap.... yowls in pain