[Eren takes it, feels the weight of it sink like a stone in the pit of his stomach. His throat immediately goes tight.
[He remembers. Last year, Jean and Mikasa tried to recreate Carla's recipe as best they could, and it wasn't quite right, of course. Later, the Labyrinth gifted him with the real thing - and it was perfect, of course, because it was a wish, granted. Eren shared it with Maruki.
[He made it for Dolph. Only a week ago, he made it for Maruki too. And it isn't Carla's, just Carla's only son's.
[Or Maruki's, because he loves him just as much as she did. Eren knows it will be perfect.
[He finds himself holding the loaf, still wrapped in cloth, to his chest. He's nodding, but he doesn't know at what. Tears well up and cling to his lashes.
[He lowers the loaf again and unwraps it, immediately tearing off a chunk and handing it to Maruki. His eyes plead needlessly.
[He takes a bite too, drawing his knees up to his chest.
[And, yeah. Of course it's perfect.
[He has to stop chewing to suck in a shuddering breath, arms wrapping tightly around his legs. He lays his head on his knees and silently cries.]
[ Maruki does take a bite, but as soon as Eren's forehead thunks down onto his knees, he sets it aside.
He scoots across the little distance between them, sits right in front of Eren. His legs splay open on either side of the curled up form of his best friend, his Other, so that he can lean in and wrap his arms around Eren. There's room for him to uncurl if he wants to, drape his own legs around Maruki's sides too and bring himself in to be held close– but until then, Maruki cups his nape and ducks his head in to where Eren's is bent down, whispering soft. ]
I'll make it for you every year. In every reality we share. I promise.
[There's a little sob. He might have known that today couldn't pass without feeling like this for at least a little while, but he'd dreaded it. He can't resist moving closer for long. He tangles himself with Maruki, hunching around the other man with his chin over his shoulder, his arms hanging heavily around.]
You got it right. Everything about it.
[Maybe that isn't true. Maybe it only feels that way, but what matters is that it feels that way. It feels like she could be sitting right there in the room with them.]
[ Just like that, they're wholly intertwined. It's the most comfortable position of all, really... ]
I just followed your recipe. You got it right first.
[ Maruki skates his fingers up and down Eren's spine, gentle, soothing. He doesn't need to tell Eren that they'll stay like this as long as he needs. That's always true of how they hold one another when they fall apart. There's no rush to piece back together and carry on.
He doesn't say anything more. Just rests his head sideways against Eren's and anchors him to their little world of two. ]
[It's allowed to take a while, so it takes a while. It's his birthday, so he's allowed to cry and miss his mother - sick as it is, no greater gift could be given. He's purely human, rocked and soothed until he goes quiet, eyes calmly watching the stone wall of the windmill as it moves back and forth.
[He leans away from Maruki, taking out a handkerchief to blow his nose; takes his hair out, puts it back up.]
Anyway...
[It's always a little embarrassing when he doesn't just fall straight asleep right after.]
[ There's nothing to be embarrassed about, and Maruki knows he doesn't have to tell Eren that. He reaches out to swipe a stray tear away with his thumb, leaves his hand there cupping Eren's cheek tenderly. ]
Do you remember what you told me when you gave me this?
[ His other hand holds the glass pendant that always hangs around his neck, and then he laughs a bit. ]
Well, you told me a lot of things, but... when I said I wanted to give you something too.
['Do you remember?' always causes a fair bit of stress these days. Eren tries. If anyone other than Maruki had asked, he'd feel his muscles go stiff. He doesn't want anyone to know how difficult it's become to live every day when he only has what's left of his mind to pilot himself with. He doesn't count Maruki in that, though. The fact that he does understand is what lends Eren that feeling of absolute, complete security; he doesn't mind answering, even if he's wrong.]
I think...
I told you to make it with your hands. That's the tradition, so...
[Truthfully, he'd almost forgotten. He might be the least materialistic person in the world. All of he and Maruki's promises do their own work - Eren has never wanted for tangible proof, but...
[Maruki didn't forget. Eren's eyes are closed, his palms cupped, turned upward, and his heart is racing just a little bit. It's pleasant. He can't remember the last time he felt excited for a gift.]
[ Maruki twists around to reach his satchel again, pulls out a small leather drawstring bag. He thinks to press that into Eren's hands, let him open it himself, but–
No, it's better this way.
It's next to impossible to claim anything when it comes to Eren. He wears Mikasa's ring around his neck, his own for her on his finger, Jean's bracelet on his wrist. None of the traditional pieces would be solely their own – and even in the unlikely event that Maruki could get over that, he still wouldn't want to do it. Something so obvious would rouse suspicion.
So instead, what's pressed into Eren's hand is a perfect flat disc of grey-green gemstone, the same as Eren's pendant. It's been broken into several pieces, then melded together with gold – the same hue as Maruki's own pendant, too.
Maruki curls both Eren's hands around it and holds them there, speaking softly. ]
I want you to keep this on you at all times. In your pocket, so that when I'm not with you, you can hold it and think of me.
[ Sort of like a worry stone, in that way. ]
There's a tradition in my reality, to repair broken ceramics with gold. Instead of making seamless repairs so it looks like the object never broke at all, it calls attention to the places where it was broken. It makes their history beautiful, even if it was painful.
[ His thumbs smooth over the ridges of Eren's knuckles, again and again. ]
I told you before... I promise to accept every part of you. It's all beautiful to me. All of it.
[It wells up in Eren as Maruki speaks, this devastating admiration. Of course, Maruki would break him apart, put him back together, place him back in his own two hands - that is, after all, what he's always done.
[Eren believes every word Maruki says. He believes that he's beautiful when Maruki is the one looking at him. His eyes, or his passion, or the tacky blood on the bottom of his boots - his Other loves them all, and it's so easy. It would surprise Maruki's other friends, Eren thinks, to know he dreams of the same empty world, perfect in its ruin.
[Will they fill it with gold wherever they pass?
[Eren's hands both squeeze the stone, release, squeeze, and he hasn't even looked at it again. He's looking at Maruki.]
I trust you.
[His voice sounds weak. His arms curl in, stone still enclosed, pressed into his chest. He doesn't know what to say. And why should he have to say anything? Maruki wouldn't make him. Eren's arms loop back around the man's neck, and then he's folded into him again, hands still loosely grasping the stone.]
I'll keep it with me. All the time. I'll...enchant it or something. [His voice goes tight. Really, he doesn't even try to hold it back.] I can't ever lose it...
[ Maruki takes him into his arms gladly, gratefully. It feels impossible that he could ever find anything for Eren as meaningful as that glass from Eyn Sof, but he's tried his best, and it seems to have worked.
They're still intertwined where they sit on the floor, and Maruki only draws him in closer, practically bringing Eren into his lap. He leans the side of his head against Eren's, hums quietly. ]
You won't ever lose it. I know that. I trust you.
[ One hand scratches fondly up and down his spine as he keeps him in that close embrace. It's okay if Eren cries again, but Maruki only wants them to be happy tears now. ]
There's one other thing, but– take your time. Only when you're ready.
[ Slowly, Maruki unwraps his arms from around Eren to take his face in both hands.
It's quiet in the windmill. That's the best thing about it, really. Even when the rest of the world is in chaos, they have this one retreat, a microcosm of the perfect silence that will fall over their empty world.
There's so much he could say now. The day of his favorite person's birth, his heart still beating a year past its expiration date – Maruki could tell him at length just how much he's loved him, for how long, for how far into the future of so many other lives that that love will carry on. He could talk to Eren for hours. Talk about Eren for hours. One day, he'd love nothing more than to seize the opportunity to lay out every single thing he admires about him, even if it overwhelms Eren to hear.
But there's something else Eren deserves to know, and it transcends anything he could hope to put into words in any reality.
His thumbs stroke over Eren's cheekbones, wiping away residual dampness. His fingers against Eren's jaw flex and release, again and again. His eyes rove slowly over every inch of that open, wondering face, a smile spreading slowly across his own like a droplet of blood dissipating in warm water.
And then, he does what he's only done once before–
Maruki draws him in to capture his lips in a kiss. It's not unsure or hesitant at all; it's as solid as it is tender, absolutely unwavering in its conviction.
Eren has been nothing less than perfectly patient with him, and every time Maruki has wanted to kiss him and held himself back comes through now. He tips his Other's head to press in closer, the barest edge of teeth set against his lower lip, a soft inhale as he doesn't let go. It won't be the last kiss he gives Eren now, and it isn't the first, but hopefully– hopefully, it's the best. ]
[It's just different, being kissed by someone. Eren remembers lying awake at night, wrapped up in Mikasa's arms. He tried to think of ways he could convince her - that he was ready, that he was him, that it was all they had, so why - but she walled herself off, kept herself away.
[It ripped him apart. He never forgot. At least Maruki will accept a kiss behind closed doors, in the safety of this windmill - it never hurt Eren that he didn't take them first, but...
[It really is just different, being kissed. Not kissing. Being kissed. Being kissed on his birthday, by the person he loves more than he's ever loved anyone else. He finds himself gripping Maruki by the shoulders - too tight, maybe. He breaks away just to stare at him - just to make sure...
[His hands find his Other's face; Eren holds it, tenderly, carefully - so, so carefully.]
[ They're both holding one another's faces now, as gingerly as if they were the shattered ceramic themselves.
It never stops being his favorite thing to hear. It never stops surprising him, either, even with everything they've spoken of and experienced. Even with everything to come in the next life, the next reality...
Maruki thumbs at his cheeks, warm smile evident in his gaze even though the rest of his expression is serious, earnest. ]
I can't... I don't think I'll ever be able to put the way I love you into words, as much as I've tried. And I'll keep trying! But...
[ He closes that distance between them again, just enough to brush their noses together. ]
It comes across easier if I can show you.
[ Get kissed again, Eren Jaeger.
So long as they're in here, he has no intention of stopping himself ever again. ]
[Eren's lips are taken again, and so is he. His hands linger on Maruki's face, but his legs yank them closer together. Eren feels a painful urgency, the need to be closer. Show you. He wants to show Maruki too.
[One hand shifts up, curls gently around locks of Maruki's hair. The other hand slips down, all the way to his ribs. Eren slips his tongue warmly between Maruki's lips.]
Much more than they've done before. It isn't a bad thing, not at all, but it does make his heart skip several beats all at once, his breath catch in his chest, his face burn with a furious blush.
He allows that soft intrusion, parts his own lips to respond in kind, the motion tentative. It's new, tasting Eren like this, gently exploring– and even though their bodies are pressed close as can be, he does let one hand drift down to tuck in between them, palm flat against Eren's chest. It doesn't mean stop, but it does mean no more than this, please, and he hopes his Other can read that. ]
[Eren does stop when he feels that light pressure on his chest, but only for a second. He hovers an inch or so away from Maruki's face, the softest little smile on his lips - just barely there, as ever, but there, as it so rarely is.
[Eren rests his hand over the hand Maruki has laid on his chest. With his other hand, he smooths the man's hair back at his left temple. Eren leans in again, and repeats that soft, gentle intrusion - no more. His thumb strokes a tender line over Maruki's knuckles.]
[ It's such a profound relief– not only being able to do this, but to approach it at his own pace, to never be pushed faster or farther than his heart can allow. Leave it to the person who knows him down to the depths of his soul to understand what he needs without so much as a word spoken between them...
The next time that slow, gentle exploration of a kiss breaks, Maruki slides his free hand around to cup Eren's nape, anchoring and protective as ever. He's fairly breathless even without any frantic heat between them, and he can feel the warmth in his cheeks as he pulls back to be able to look Eren in the eye. ]
I can't wait to celebrate your day in every reality, but I have a feeling this will always be my favorite one. Happy birthday, Eren.
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cw: parental grief
[He remembers. Last year, Jean and Mikasa tried to recreate Carla's recipe as best they could, and it wasn't quite right, of course. Later, the Labyrinth gifted him with the real thing - and it was perfect, of course, because it was a wish, granted. Eren shared it with Maruki.
[He made it for Dolph. Only a week ago, he made it for Maruki too. And it isn't Carla's, just Carla's only son's.
[Or Maruki's, because he loves him just as much as she did. Eren knows it will be perfect.
[He finds himself holding the loaf, still wrapped in cloth, to his chest. He's nodding, but he doesn't know at what. Tears well up and cling to his lashes.
[He lowers the loaf again and unwraps it, immediately tearing off a chunk and handing it to Maruki. His eyes plead needlessly.
[He takes a bite too, drawing his knees up to his chest.
[And, yeah. Of course it's perfect.
[He has to stop chewing to suck in a shuddering breath, arms wrapping tightly around his legs. He lays his head on his knees and silently cries.]
no subject
He scoots across the little distance between them, sits right in front of Eren. His legs splay open on either side of the curled up form of his best friend, his Other, so that he can lean in and wrap his arms around Eren. There's room for him to uncurl if he wants to, drape his own legs around Maruki's sides too and bring himself in to be held close– but until then, Maruki cups his nape and ducks his head in to where Eren's is bent down, whispering soft. ]
I'll make it for you every year. In every reality we share. I promise.
no subject
You got it right. Everything about it.
[Maybe that isn't true. Maybe it only feels that way, but what matters is that it feels that way. It feels like she could be sitting right there in the room with them.]
no subject
I just followed your recipe. You got it right first.
[ Maruki skates his fingers up and down Eren's spine, gentle, soothing. He doesn't need to tell Eren that they'll stay like this as long as he needs. That's always true of how they hold one another when they fall apart. There's no rush to piece back together and carry on.
He doesn't say anything more. Just rests his head sideways against Eren's and anchors him to their little world of two. ]
no subject
[He leans away from Maruki, taking out a handkerchief to blow his nose; takes his hair out, puts it back up.]
Anyway...
[It's always a little embarrassing when he doesn't just fall straight asleep right after.]
no subject
Do you remember what you told me when you gave me this?
[ His other hand holds the glass pendant that always hangs around his neck, and then he laughs a bit. ]
Well, you told me a lot of things, but... when I said I wanted to give you something too.
no subject
I think...
I told you to make it with your hands. That's the tradition, so...
no subject
[ He gathers up both of Eren's hands, gently moves them so they're cupped palm up. ]
Close your eyes.
screams
[Maruki didn't forget. Eren's eyes are closed, his palms cupped, turned upward, and his heart is racing just a little bit. It's pleasant. He can't remember the last time he felt excited for a gift.]
no subject
No, it's better this way.
It's next to impossible to claim anything when it comes to Eren. He wears Mikasa's ring around his neck, his own for her on his finger, Jean's bracelet on his wrist. None of the traditional pieces would be solely their own – and even in the unlikely event that Maruki could get over that, he still wouldn't want to do it. Something so obvious would rouse suspicion.
So instead, what's pressed into Eren's hand is a perfect flat disc of grey-green gemstone, the same as Eren's pendant. It's been broken into several pieces, then melded together with gold – the same hue as Maruki's own pendant, too.
Maruki curls both Eren's hands around it and holds them there, speaking softly. ]
I want you to keep this on you at all times. In your pocket, so that when I'm not with you, you can hold it and think of me.
[ Sort of like a worry stone, in that way. ]
There's a tradition in my reality, to repair broken ceramics with gold. Instead of making seamless repairs so it looks like the object never broke at all, it calls attention to the places where it was broken. It makes their history beautiful, even if it was painful.
[ His thumbs smooth over the ridges of Eren's knuckles, again and again. ]
I told you before... I promise to accept every part of you. It's all beautiful to me. All of it.
no subject
[Eren believes every word Maruki says. He believes that he's beautiful when Maruki is the one looking at him. His eyes, or his passion, or the tacky blood on the bottom of his boots - his Other loves them all, and it's so easy. It would surprise Maruki's other friends, Eren thinks, to know he dreams of the same empty world, perfect in its ruin.
[Will they fill it with gold wherever they pass?
[Eren's hands both squeeze the stone, release, squeeze, and he hasn't even looked at it again. He's looking at Maruki.]
I trust you.
[His voice sounds weak. His arms curl in, stone still enclosed, pressed into his chest. He doesn't know what to say. And why should he have to say anything? Maruki wouldn't make him. Eren's arms loop back around the man's neck, and then he's folded into him again, hands still loosely grasping the stone.]
I'll keep it with me. All the time. I'll...enchant it or something. [His voice goes tight. Really, he doesn't even try to hold it back.] I can't ever lose it...
no subject
They're still intertwined where they sit on the floor, and Maruki only draws him in closer, practically bringing Eren into his lap. He leans the side of his head against Eren's, hums quietly. ]
You won't ever lose it. I know that. I trust you.
[ One hand scratches fondly up and down his spine as he keeps him in that close embrace. It's okay if Eren cries again, but Maruki only wants them to be happy tears now. ]
There's one other thing, but– take your time. Only when you're ready.
no subject
There's more? What else could you have done?
[It's funny - he's half-crying already, all the while looking as incredulous and overwhelmed as if he were just handed pure gold--
[Well.]
not that pitiful FACE
Do you have any guesses?
no subject
no subject
It's quiet in the windmill. That's the best thing about it, really. Even when the rest of the world is in chaos, they have this one retreat, a microcosm of the perfect silence that will fall over their empty world.
There's so much he could say now. The day of his favorite person's birth, his heart still beating a year past its expiration date – Maruki could tell him at length just how much he's loved him, for how long, for how far into the future of so many other lives that that love will carry on. He could talk to Eren for hours. Talk about Eren for hours. One day, he'd love nothing more than to seize the opportunity to lay out every single thing he admires about him, even if it overwhelms Eren to hear.
But there's something else Eren deserves to know, and it transcends anything he could hope to put into words in any reality.
His thumbs stroke over Eren's cheekbones, wiping away residual dampness. His fingers against Eren's jaw flex and release, again and again. His eyes rove slowly over every inch of that open, wondering face, a smile spreading slowly across his own like a droplet of blood dissipating in warm water.
And then, he does what he's only done once before–
Maruki draws him in to capture his lips in a kiss. It's not unsure or hesitant at all; it's as solid as it is tender, absolutely unwavering in its conviction.
Eren has been nothing less than perfectly patient with him, and every time Maruki has wanted to kiss him and held himself back comes through now. He tips his Other's head to press in closer, the barest edge of teeth set against his lower lip, a soft inhale as he doesn't let go. It won't be the last kiss he gives Eren now, and it isn't the first, but hopefully– hopefully, it's the best. ]
:WHYYYYYYYYY:
[It ripped him apart. He never forgot. At least Maruki will accept a kiss behind closed doors, in the safety of this windmill - it never hurt Eren that he didn't take them first, but...
[It really is just different, being kissed. Not kissing. Being kissed. Being kissed on his birthday, by the person he loves more than he's ever loved anyone else. He finds himself gripping Maruki by the shoulders - too tight, maybe. He breaks away just to stare at him - just to make sure...
[His hands find his Other's face; Eren holds it, tenderly, carefully - so, so carefully.]
Takuto. I love you...
no subject
It never stops being his favorite thing to hear. It never stops surprising him, either, even with everything they've spoken of and experienced. Even with everything to come in the next life, the next reality...
Maruki thumbs at his cheeks, warm smile evident in his gaze even though the rest of his expression is serious, earnest. ]
I can't... I don't think I'll ever be able to put the way I love you into words, as much as I've tried. And I'll keep trying! But...
[ He closes that distance between them again, just enough to brush their noses together. ]
It comes across easier if I can show you.
[ Get kissed again, Eren Jaeger.
So long as they're in here, he has no intention of stopping himself ever again. ]
inb4 lexy
[One hand shifts up, curls gently around locks of Maruki's hair. The other hand slips down, all the way to his ribs. Eren slips his tongue warmly between Maruki's lips.]
no subject
Much more than they've done before. It isn't a bad thing, not at all, but it does make his heart skip several beats all at once, his breath catch in his chest, his face burn with a furious blush.
He allows that soft intrusion, parts his own lips to respond in kind, the motion tentative. It's new, tasting Eren like this, gently exploring– and even though their bodies are pressed close as can be, he does let one hand drift down to tuck in between them, palm flat against Eren's chest. It doesn't mean stop, but it does mean no more than this, please, and he hopes his Other can read that. ]
ohhhhh not this icon in laby tho
[Eren rests his hand over the hand Maruki has laid on his chest. With his other hand, he smooths the man's hair back at his left temple. Eren leans in again, and repeats that soft, gentle intrusion - no more. His thumb strokes a tender line over Maruki's knuckles.]
no subject
The next time that slow, gentle exploration of a kiss breaks, Maruki slides his free hand around to cup Eren's nape, anchoring and protective as ever. He's fairly breathless even without any frantic heat between them, and he can feel the warmth in his cheeks as he pulls back to be able to look Eren in the eye. ]
I can't wait to celebrate your day in every reality, but I have a feeling this will always be my favorite one. Happy birthday, Eren.