[Maruki coaxes, and Eren rests. This is how it's always been. His cheek is pressed, so his head finds its pillow, and then there's only the face in front of him, and their simple happiness.
[Eren takes Maruki's hand and presses a kiss to his palm, grateful eyes closing. He keeps him there, just like that; murmurs against his skin:]
You make me happier than anyone. Every second. How didn't I see?
[ Heat rises in Maruki's cheeks. It's not that he doubts his place in Eren's life – all his lives, across all reality – but hearing it said so plainly is something else. Especially when he's just learned happiness can still exist for him from someone else entirely. ]
You did see, though. Maybe not in these exact terms, but you saw it, Eren.
[ It's so strange to remember. At the time, he thought it was the most meaningful thing Eren would ever say to him. So much has happened since... ]
You told me once that you wanted to wake up every day because you knew you would get to talk to me. That's our happiness too. Isn't it?
Hm? [One eyebrow subtly arches. He doesn't look concerned, but...
[A bit baffled, if nothing else. He slowly lowers Maruki's hand, then reaches over to tuck two fingers under the pendant of broken glass that hangs around his neck.]
That's right. You were there, weren't you?
Your sword. Your home. That's what I promised.
That word doesn't really do it justice, but...still.
[ Pure confusion is replaced swiftly by dreadful heat; Maruki presses both hands over his face as it burns bright, fingers kneading into his eyes beneath his glasses. ]
No, I– I was there, and I thought they sounded an awful lot like marriage vows, but...
[ But what, exactly?
They swore themselves to each other. Eren gave him something to wear always to remember that. Maruki's meant to do the same, eventually.
Is he stupid?
He might be stupid.
It jolts out of him suddenly: ]
I'm not upset. I'm just– processing.
[ Holy shit. Oh, that's...
Maruki doesn't let his hands drop away from his face as he tilts forward, not until he can safely bury it against Eren's chest instead. ]
[For only the briefest second, Eren feels some twinge of anxiety that wants to ask, "You haven't changed your mind, have you?" but he knows that that would be impossible - that titles don't really matter at all. Maruki folds into his chest, and all fear is assuaged. Eren envelopes him, arms and legs, kissing the top of his head. He's smiling again. His heart steadily thumps right into Maruki's ear.]
[ Maruki is held, completely and utterly, whole body burning up in Eren's embrace. With his face safely hidden, he wraps his arms around Eren, claws weakly at his back. ]
No, I knew, I just...
[ He didn't know.
There are a thousand stupid things he wants to say, a million stupid questions he wants to ask. His head is overcrowded, buzzing, and he feels just as lost in all of this as he did back in the alcove, like he's been dropped in the middle of the ocean without a single map.
Yet Eren knows this like the back of his hand. Maruki has to wonder if he'll ever manage to catch up.
He draws a breath, tries to explain his confusion in words that will make any sort of sense. ]
You're right. None of those words come close. But– if whatever we are encompasses all of those words, then they still matter. [ A beat. ] That word matters. To me.
[ Only one person was ever supposed to call him that. ]
I didn't expect to hear it. That's all. You really shocked me, jeez...
Sorry...[He doesn't sound sorry. He sounds happy - still, even now, especially, more so than ever.
[He kisses the top of Maruki's head again, body settling all around him. His hands travel up and down the man's spine, affectionate, soothing. He practically nuzzles into Maruki's scalp.]
You are that to me. It's more than that, though. [It's a million times more, and there isn't a single other person in any existence anywhere that could ever come close to understanding.
[Eren tries to find any word at all that could actually explain it, but he fails - he needs a hundred words, a thousand, a million.]
A husband is just someone you marry - for just one life. Maybe it won't even last. There's no guarantee...
It matters, but not like this. It's...just not the same.
You're like...
[He's thought it in his head. Has he ever said it outloud?]
On the walls of the alcove, he saw it. One reality in which he and Rumi were married, with their own small family, happy and safe.
For just one life, he could fulfill that role that's been barred from him.
But in this life, and in every other... ]
Your Other?
[ That's much better.
That's as close as it gets. ]
It's funny. I've thought of you as my other half lately. So... I do get it.
[ He really, really does.
He gently dislodges where Eren's nestled down against his crown as he removes his face from its hiding spot. Maruki tips his head away just enough to be able to look at him, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. ]
[Eren is shown Maruki's face once again. Maybe he'll never stop smiling, so long as he can see it.
[He tucks a finger under the man's chin and captures his lips in a small kiss, then nods without pulling away. His hand slips down to rest over Maruki's heart, warm and firm.]
[ He'll never get used to it, the ease with which Eren kisses him. Like it's the most natural thing in the world – in any world. He's trying to catch up with that, too.
For the moment, though, he can only blink wide brown eyes up at him, lips dumbly parted, heart stuttering out its beat against Eren's palm. ]
You said that a while ago, too. That maybe we're each other from another reality. So it fits, doesn't it?
[ And then he grins, suddenly sheepish. ]
I didn't expect any of this today! I thought you were just coming back to tell me what happened with Dolph...
[Eren's never really used words like "dating," considering he rarely goes on dates, and never would have had even one singular chance to back in his true reality. He took to calling people that he actually kissed or would consider marrying his "partners" after people in this reality demanded that he start defining everything. The truth is, when he loves someone, he simply loves them, but others don't tend to work that way. People want to know what they are to each other, and he and Dolph have certainly realized that they are something they perhaps weren't before.
[He gets it. He tries to.]
We kissed. We decided to have our happiness with each other. That would make him another partner of mine, I guess.
It's like I said, though...when it comes to that sort of thing, I'd rather have you approval before moving forward again. Like you gave me with Dolph.
I think that I do. It's difficult for me, but that's not because of the way you've explained it, or anything you've done.
[ He has to wonder if Eren realizes he is Maruki's first foray into this gray area between the stark black and white. The roles are entirely reversed; Eren is more of a guide than ever before. ]
What if you're interested in someone and I haven't approved of them? I don't want to control you...
I know. [He knows. He knows that Maruki is the last person in any reality that would ever want to put Eren under his thumb, but he's also the only one that Eren would allow to do so gladly. It's complex...]
You wouldn't try to keep me away from anyone I cared about. I know that too.
That's all that really matters. Whether I kiss someone, or marry someone, or go further - that doesn't really matter either.
[. . .]
But it might matter to you. [It mattered to Mikasa. He should have given her this too. He's a man built from regret.] Because you're different than me, in that way.
So...if it matters to you, but it doesn't matter to me, then...I don't mind.
I just want to be close to the people I care about while I can. You know that.
[ Some breath that's been held for hours, unbeknownst to Maruki, is suddenly released. He feels his whole body relax into it, any last tension in his shoulders dissipating.
It does matter to him.
It matters to him more than Eren will ever be able to know–
But he knows Maruki well enough to know that it does matter, and that alone does all the heavy lifting.
He wriggles his arms free again to frame Eren's face in both hands, holds his gaze. His Other. Does he know how good he is? Maruki doubts it. ]
Thank you. Eren.
[ Fingertips trace up along his hairline, through the stray hairs come loose from his bun. ]
If you find yourself wondering if I would approve of someone, and waiting to see if I say something first... Just tell me. I want to know.
[ He may not always notice the way that he did with Dolph. That's a special case; there's no other combination of people in this reality he would have felt comfortable inserting himself in the middle of to give his blessing. And if he hadn't preempted it, this conversation – this important, sacred conversation never would have happened. ]
I'll always be honest with you about how I feel. I promise.
[ And for the first time, Maruki believes that. Wholly and completely, without the tiniest sliver of doubt peeking into the edges of his mind. They were nearly there before, it was only his own confusion keeping him from trusting the truth of that with his whole heart–
But he gets it now. He does. ]
There aren't words for it.
[ His eyebrows lift as he smiles at Eren, thumbs brushing at the corners of his lips in case they turn upwards again too. ]
So... you should kiss me instead.
okay well get absolutely eren'd - THREE USES OF THIS ICON IN ONE THREAD
[They've kissed before. Eren thinks they've probably kissed in a hundred different realities, at least, but he's not sure that Maruki has ever asked for it quite so plainly in any one of them.
[Eren's smile bleeds, warm, into his features. Yes, he kisses him. Yes, of course, he kisses him - kisses him, kisses him, kisses him, kisses him.]
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no subject
[Eren takes Maruki's hand and presses a kiss to his palm, grateful eyes closing. He keeps him there, just like that; murmurs against his skin:]
You make me happier than anyone. Every second. How didn't I see?
no subject
You did see, though. Maybe not in these exact terms, but you saw it, Eren.
[ It's so strange to remember. At the time, he thought it was the most meaningful thing Eren would ever say to him. So much has happened since... ]
You told me once that you wanted to wake up every day because you knew you would get to talk to me. That's our happiness too. Isn't it?
no subject
No matter what word I want to use, it doesn't come close...
Love, husband, happiness...
It just doesn't come close at all with you. Even back then. No wonder...
no subject
What?
[ He wants to see that smile. He wants nothing more than to stay silent, and watch himself hold Eren's smile safe in one hand.
But those words. ]
You– husband?
[ Like an alien species he's only just heard of for the first time. ]
Eren. What?
no subject
[A bit baffled, if nothing else. He slowly lowers Maruki's hand, then reaches over to tuck two fingers under the pendant of broken glass that hangs around his neck.]
That's right. You were there, weren't you?
Your sword. Your home. That's what I promised.
That word doesn't really do it justice, but...still.
no subject
No, I– I was there, and I thought they sounded an awful lot like marriage vows, but...
[ But what, exactly?
They swore themselves to each other. Eren gave him something to wear always to remember that. Maruki's meant to do the same, eventually.
Is he stupid?
He might be stupid.
It jolts out of him suddenly: ]
I'm not upset. I'm just– processing.
[ Holy shit. Oh, that's...
Maruki doesn't let his hands drop away from his face as he tilts forward, not until he can safely bury it against Eren's chest instead. ]
no subject
You're just now figuring it out...?
I thought you knew...
no subject
No, I knew, I just...
[ He didn't know.
There are a thousand stupid things he wants to say, a million stupid questions he wants to ask. His head is overcrowded, buzzing, and he feels just as lost in all of this as he did back in the alcove, like he's been dropped in the middle of the ocean without a single map.
Yet Eren knows this like the back of his hand. Maruki has to wonder if he'll ever manage to catch up.
He draws a breath, tries to explain his confusion in words that will make any sort of sense. ]
You're right. None of those words come close. But– if whatever we are encompasses all of those words, then they still matter. [ A beat. ] That word matters. To me.
[ Only one person was ever supposed to call him that. ]
I didn't expect to hear it. That's all. You really shocked me, jeez...
no subject
[He kisses the top of Maruki's head again, body settling all around him. His hands travel up and down the man's spine, affectionate, soothing. He practically nuzzles into Maruki's scalp.]
You are that to me. It's more than that, though. [It's a million times more, and there isn't a single other person in any existence anywhere that could ever come close to understanding.
[Eren tries to find any word at all that could actually explain it, but he fails - he needs a hundred words, a thousand, a million.]
A husband is just someone you marry - for just one life. Maybe it won't even last. There's no guarantee...
It matters, but not like this. It's...just not the same.
You're like...
[He's thought it in his head. Has he ever said it outloud?]
You're...my Other. [Will that...make sense?]
Do you get it...?
no subject
For just one life.
On the walls of the alcove, he saw it. One reality in which he and Rumi were married, with their own small family, happy and safe.
For just one life, he could fulfill that role that's been barred from him.
But in this life, and in every other... ]
Your Other?
[ That's much better.
That's as close as it gets. ]
It's funny. I've thought of you as my other half lately. So... I do get it.
[ He really, really does.
He gently dislodges where Eren's nestled down against his crown as he removes his face from its hiding spot. Maruki tips his head away just enough to be able to look at him, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. ]
I like that better. Can I call you that?
no subject
[He tucks a finger under the man's chin and captures his lips in a small kiss, then nods without pulling away. His hand slips down to rest over Maruki's heart, warm and firm.]
My other half. The other me.
That's right...
no subject
For the moment, though, he can only blink wide brown eyes up at him, lips dumbly parted, heart stuttering out its beat against Eren's palm. ]
You said that a while ago, too. That maybe we're each other from another reality. So it fits, doesn't it?
[ And then he grins, suddenly sheepish. ]
I didn't expect any of this today! I thought you were just coming back to tell me what happened with Dolph...
no subject
I wanted to know why you were nervous. Remember?
It's not usually me asking you that.
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[ That is why Eren wanted him to come here. ]
I don't know if nervous is the right word. I was just surprised. I still am, honestly.
no subject
What surprised you?
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I didn't understand why you would care that much about my opinion on who you... date– wait, are you and Dolph actually dating? Did that happen?
[ Forgive him for his black and white worldview between platonic and romantic. ]
no subject
[He gets it. He tries to.]
We kissed. We decided to have our happiness with each other. That would make him another partner of mine, I guess.
It's like I said, though...when it comes to that sort of thing, I'd rather have you approval before moving forward again. Like you gave me with Dolph.
That meant a lot to me.
You get it now, at least, right?
no subject
[ A beat. ]
I think that I do. It's difficult for me, but that's not because of the way you've explained it, or anything you've done.
[ He has to wonder if Eren realizes he is Maruki's first foray into this gray area between the stark black and white. The roles are entirely reversed; Eren is more of a guide than ever before. ]
What if you're interested in someone and I haven't approved of them? I don't want to control you...
no subject
You wouldn't try to keep me away from anyone I cared about. I know that too.
That's all that really matters. Whether I kiss someone, or marry someone, or go further - that doesn't really matter either.
[. . .]
But it might matter to you. [It mattered to Mikasa. He should have given her this too. He's a man built from regret.] Because you're different than me, in that way.
So...if it matters to you, but it doesn't matter to me, then...I don't mind.
I just want to be close to the people I care about while I can. You know that.
no subject
It does matter to him.
It matters to him more than Eren will ever be able to know–
But he knows Maruki well enough to know that it does matter, and that alone does all the heavy lifting.
He wriggles his arms free again to frame Eren's face in both hands, holds his gaze. His Other. Does he know how good he is? Maruki doubts it. ]
Thank you. Eren.
[ Fingertips trace up along his hairline, through the stray hairs come loose from his bun. ]
Can you promise me one more thing?
no subject
Of course. I'll promise you anything. Takuto.
no subject
[ He may not always notice the way that he did with Dolph. That's a special case; there's no other combination of people in this reality he would have felt comfortable inserting himself in the middle of to give his blessing. And if he hadn't preempted it, this conversation – this important, sacred conversation never would have happened. ]
I'll always be honest with you about how I feel. I promise.
no subject
[To Eren, he's perfect. He's absolutely perfect in absolutely every way.]
I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anything.
no subject
But he gets it now. He does. ]
There aren't words for it.
[ His eyebrows lift as he smiles at Eren, thumbs brushing at the corners of his lips in case they turn upwards again too. ]
So... you should kiss me instead.
okay well get absolutely eren'd - THREE USES OF THIS ICON IN ONE THREAD
[Eren's smile bleeds, warm, into his features. Yes, he kisses him. Yes, of course, he kisses him - kisses him, kisses him, kisses him, kisses him.]
That...
[Kisses him, kisses him, kisses him...]
...makes me happier than anything.