It's such a unique hurt, one he never anticipated having to deal with. Someone from his reality appearing with no memory of him is one thing, and someone from this reality disappearing and reappearing having forgotten him is another – he's prepared for both of those possibilities now, no matter how painful they are. But someone waking up one day having forgotten their entire experience here, seemingly without any reason–
It's too frightening. It could happen to anyone he loves. It could happen to him, and he'd never even know.
He doesn't want to talk about Kazuya's cautious unfamiliarity, letting him into his home and asking how close they were. He doesn't want to talk about his own heartbreak, or his fears, or anything of the sort.
But Eren knows Kazuya too, and he'll understand what Maruki means when he phrases this more as a warning than anything else. ]
I should tell you, something strange happened.
[ They're in the windmill– of course they are– and Maruki closes his book, rolls onto his side to face Eren. ]
It's Kazuya. He doesn't remember anything about his time in this reality. It's not a matter of him leaving and returning, it just– happened. [ When? Why? Where was he to put a stop to it? ] So, in case you see him... now you know.
[It isn't a warning. Eren knows how close Kazuya and Maruki are. Eren knows what being forgotten means to his hopeless, miserable other. It's something only they can understand, really. Others will disappoint Maruki again and again.
[Eren watches with eyes more like moss than stormy seas. He just barely nudges a stray strand of hair away from Maruki's eye.]
Is this what you've been thinking about this whole time?
[Of course. Nothing more needs to be said. Eren takes his hands and soothes them, pressure firm, over the hair by Maruki's temples. He repeats that motion a few times, and then:]
Let's fly. Just to the top. It will be easier that way. Just a little...
[ All it takes is that first graze of pressure against his temples and Maruki's eyes slip shut, beyond grateful for the relief. It's his favorite feeling, an instant soothing balm, and he thinks to ask Eren if they can stay just like this, but...
It doesn't stop his mind from endlessly circling the same miserable drain. The tracks of his thoughts have worn down deep grooves from how often he's repeated them, again and again and again.
There's only one way out of that. It's easier, like Eren said.
With no fanfare, only a burst of gray feathers, Maruki transforms. Before Eren can too, he presses his whole body into his Other's palm, eyes still shut. It's so warm there, so safe. ]
[Really, it's only poor Maruki that needs to shut off his mind. For now, at least, that's true. Maybe it's better to merely hold him like this for a while. They don't have to fly right away.
[Eren tucks his arm gently, so gently, around Maruki, cupping the creature to his chest until he's almost entirely hidden. Eren sticks his nose down to brush it against Maruki's downy head.]
[ In the cage of Eren's arm, his little body loosens entirely – but it's less like contented relaxation and more like the fight's gone out of him. Maruki lets himself be held fast against a warm chest, a beating heart, and the thoughts slowly dissipate from his mind. All the mental gymnastics he's put himself through daily to not make his emotions anyone else's problem simply fall by the wayside, and he's left only with what he feels.
His chest expands with a deep breath, and then a slow, mournful coo muffles into the darkness Eren hides him in. ]
[Maruki's mournful little coos always remind Eren of an inhale-exhale. They're the same shape, somehow. Vaguely, he recalls being sprawled out on Maruki's chest, his own grief whistling out of him.]
I know.
[He whispers it, his own voice pained. Loss is loss. For Maruki, even the grief of death might not cut as deeply as the grief of being forgotten. Eren breathes in and out, fingertips soothing over Maruki's feathery back.]
You're a sweet thing. [He says it with the weight of the sentence that it carries. Maruki is too kind, too loving, so much so that it destroys him.] You weren't made for this. I'm sorry...
[ You're a sweet thing, a statement that borders on tragic, ricochets through Maruki's little body like buckshot.
He's thought about it so often throughout his life, and more and more lately.
It's so easy to be cruel. It's so easy to lash out, take the pain you feel and turn it outwards to pass to someone else. It's so easy to be dismissive, and callous, and angry. It's so easy to not consider others when speaking to them. Maruki understands why people act that way. Why they act that way toward him, even. Objectively, he gets it. But–
Kindness, empathy, altruism – all are inherent to his nature, but that doesn't mean they're easy choices to make. Every time he's hurting and sets it aside to show another person genuine care, it is a choice he makes – and the more he hurts, the more difficult that choice becomes – and in a reality like this, there's so much more hurt than he's used to.
He will always be gentle, will always be caring, will always be kind. Even if the rest of the world is anything but. Especially then. It's so, so difficult – and the more difficult it is, the more important it is that he sticks to his guns.
No one likes a martyr, so it's not as if he'd ever give voice to these thoughts. But the hurt compounds until it bursts in his chest like it does now.
He coos in time with Eren's breathing, little head turning into nudge against his chest, beak picking miserably at the fabric of his shirt. ]
[Eren has lost count of how many times he's done just this, shifted into an animal and confessed every truth, every fear, every wretched pain, just as if he were speaking out loud. It's just easier to cry like this, and Eren thinks that Maruki is crying.
[He moves to leave the lightest of light kisses upon Maruki's head, then shifts with a small burst of white feathers into that pretty gull. His wings envelope Maruki, beak turning up the feathers of his neck, affectionate and mournful. If he could carry him up to their nest in the rafters himself, he would.]
[ Despite it all, his little heart lifts when Eren transforms as well. Maruki nuzzles into his feathers right back, gently preening them before tilting his head to look up toward their nest.
A questioning coo– they'll be more comfortable up there, right? ]
[Maruki wants to fly. Eren would never deny him. He nudges the smaller bird over and over with his beak, then starts flapping his wings until he's hovering in the air, just a bit higher than Maruki. He waits for just a moment, then flies up into the rafters where their nest is situated. He perches their, wings spread open for Maruki to nestle in as closely as he wants. After that, they can both get comfortable.]
[ For a moment, Maruki only watches him– hovering, soaring, perching. It's such a relief, to be able to do this when everything feels too massive to hold in his human heart. To think he'll one day return to a reality where it's no longer an option...
Maruki spreads his wings and takes to the air, fluttering up before coming to land next to Eren. He circles in their little nest for a moment, as if checking it out to make sure everything is still good, then comes in against his side. Tucked beneath Eren's wing, he feels even smaller as he hunkers down.
Practically no one has seen him in this form. Kazuya was one of the very few. They flew together to the beach, back when the land was still covered in crystals; when they returned to their true forms so they could speak, Kazuya told him that the only difference between angels and demons is that demons can still feel pain, while angels have been spared of such a thing.
It's hurting Kazuya too, to upset so many people by not remembering them. Maruki knows this. Felt that hand in his hair and heard that desperate strain in his voice when he said he would fix it soon.
Maruki lets out a long, low coo, like a sigh, and presses tighter against Eren's warm body. ]
[That coo, like a sigh, breathes rest. Eren wraps both wings securely around Maruki, puffing up the rest of his feathers until he's something the other bird can disappear into entirely.
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no subject
It's such a unique hurt, one he never anticipated having to deal with. Someone from his reality appearing with no memory of him is one thing, and someone from this reality disappearing and reappearing having forgotten him is another – he's prepared for both of those possibilities now, no matter how painful they are. But someone waking up one day having forgotten their entire experience here, seemingly without any reason–
It's too frightening. It could happen to anyone he loves. It could happen to him, and he'd never even know.
He doesn't want to talk about Kazuya's cautious unfamiliarity, letting him into his home and asking how close they were. He doesn't want to talk about his own heartbreak, or his fears, or anything of the sort.
But Eren knows Kazuya too, and he'll understand what Maruki means when he phrases this more as a warning than anything else. ]
I should tell you, something strange happened.
[ They're in the windmill– of course they are– and Maruki closes his book, rolls onto his side to face Eren. ]
It's Kazuya. He doesn't remember anything about his time in this reality. It's not a matter of him leaving and returning, it just– happened. [ When? Why? Where was he to put a stop to it? ] So, in case you see him... now you know.
no subject
[Eren watches with eyes more like moss than stormy seas. He just barely nudges a stray strand of hair away from Maruki's eye.]
Is this what you've been thinking about this whole time?
no subject
He nods, throat tight, and immediately follows it with a soft plea. ]
It's weighing on my mind, but I– [ Selfish, selfish. ] I don't want to talk about it. Please. I just wanted to let you know.
no subject
Let's fly. Just to the top. It will be easier that way. Just a little...
no subject
It doesn't stop his mind from endlessly circling the same miserable drain. The tracks of his thoughts have worn down deep grooves from how often he's repeated them, again and again and again.
There's only one way out of that. It's easier, like Eren said.
With no fanfare, only a burst of gray feathers, Maruki transforms. Before Eren can too, he presses his whole body into his Other's palm, eyes still shut. It's so warm there, so safe. ]
no subject
[Eren tucks his arm gently, so gently, around Maruki, cupping the creature to his chest until he's almost entirely hidden. Eren sticks his nose down to brush it against Maruki's downy head.]
Alright, Takuto. I've got you now.
no subject
His chest expands with a deep breath, and then a slow, mournful coo muffles into the darkness Eren hides him in. ]
fuckin maruki warning
I know.
[He whispers it, his own voice pained. Loss is loss. For Maruki, even the grief of death might not cut as deeply as the grief of being forgotten. Eren breathes in and out, fingertips soothing over Maruki's feathery back.]
It's terrible. I know.
You're a sweet thing. [He says it with the weight of the sentence that it carries. Maruki is too kind, too loving, so much so that it destroys him.] You weren't made for this. I'm sorry...
not the lantern festival link... stop...
He's thought about it so often throughout his life, and more and more lately.
It's so easy to be cruel. It's so easy to lash out, take the pain you feel and turn it outwards to pass to someone else. It's so easy to be dismissive, and callous, and angry. It's so easy to not consider others when speaking to them. Maruki understands why people act that way. Why they act that way toward him, even. Objectively, he gets it. But–
Kindness, empathy, altruism – all are inherent to his nature, but that doesn't mean they're easy choices to make. Every time he's hurting and sets it aside to show another person genuine care, it is a choice he makes – and the more he hurts, the more difficult that choice becomes – and in a reality like this, there's so much more hurt than he's used to.
He will always be gentle, will always be caring, will always be kind. Even if the rest of the world is anything but. Especially then. It's so, so difficult – and the more difficult it is, the more important it is that he sticks to his guns.
No one likes a martyr, so it's not as if he'd ever give voice to these thoughts. But the hurt compounds until it bursts in his chest like it does now.
He coos in time with Eren's breathing, little head turning into nudge against his chest, beak picking miserably at the fabric of his shirt. ]
no subject
[He moves to leave the lightest of light kisses upon Maruki's head, then shifts with a small burst of white feathers into that pretty gull. His wings envelope Maruki, beak turning up the feathers of his neck, affectionate and mournful. If he could carry him up to their nest in the rafters himself, he would.]
no subject
A questioning coo– they'll be more comfortable up there, right? ]
no subject
no subject
Maruki spreads his wings and takes to the air, fluttering up before coming to land next to Eren. He circles in their little nest for a moment, as if checking it out to make sure everything is still good, then comes in against his side. Tucked beneath Eren's wing, he feels even smaller as he hunkers down.
Practically no one has seen him in this form. Kazuya was one of the very few. They flew together to the beach, back when the land was still covered in crystals; when they returned to their true forms so they could speak, Kazuya told him that the only difference between angels and demons is that demons can still feel pain, while angels have been spared of such a thing.
It's hurting Kazuya too, to upset so many people by not remembering them. Maruki knows this. Felt that hand in his hair and heard that desperate strain in his voice when he said he would fix it soon.
Maruki lets out a long, low coo, like a sigh, and presses tighter against Eren's warm body. ]
THE DIGLETT (we can wrap if u want...wuehhh)
[It's become their gift to each other. You can sleep as long as you want. We can stay here for days.]