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Eren Jaeger ([personal profile] abandonhumanity) wrote2024-09-11 03:47 pm

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notachickenhawk: (boy: in the crowd...)

[personal profile] notachickenhawk 2025-03-27 03:52 am (UTC)(link)
Oh.

Usually I do. I can retreat back into the hawk instincts and sort of 'turn off' my human brain a little. I get nightmares still but less frequently.


[There's a pause, before -]

Have you ever felt bad about hurting someone who deserved it?
notachickenhawk: (boy: glare)

cw: torture

[personal profile] notachickenhawk 2025-03-27 06:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[Oh. ... Technically the hosts of the bodies he hurts either aren't consenting or don't truly know what they're getting into, so he... has hurt innocent people? ... He can unpack that later. Or never.]

I guess it's a question that doesn't make sense to most people.

There's someone who tortured me so badly I nearly died. The alien in her brain was the one who did it, really - but she cooperated with them. But there was something about her that I saw myself in her. Saw someone I care about in her, too.

So when she showed up again claiming to be with the resistance I gave her a chance.

... I shouldn't have. She nearly killed us.

But every night I see her there, dragging me between pain and happiness again so hard my brain nearly breaks and I don't know what to do anymore.


[He can't get Taylor out of his head. She's there and he hates her but he doesn't and it's impossible to try to pull out the emotion connected to what happened.]

[But he can't go on like this.]
notachickenhawk: (boy: in the crowd...)

[personal profile] notachickenhawk 2025-03-31 10:34 pm (UTC)(link)
On paper, an enemy. Someone who willingly gave their free will up for vanity. But in another life she could have been like the person I care about the most. They have similar sharp tempers, eagerness to fight, and dry senses of humor.

Rachel would never give herself up, though - not even if she got horribly injured like Taylor did. But she's so similar in some ways that I can't get her out of my head.


[He's curled up in his blankets in his treehouse, but not from the chill. It's difficult to self-soothe for him.]

I shouldn't care about her. But she was a person like anyone else at one time. She made a bad decision based on fleeting emotions and it cost her everything. I know she was fighting against her Yeerk. I saw it. But it's something that's not easy to take back, especially on your own.
notachickenhawk: (boy: glare)

[personal profile] notachickenhawk 2025-04-01 02:26 am (UTC)(link)
With my lungs.

[A moment passes before another message appears.]

No, I'm... relatively calm, I promise. I'm just exhausted and I hate feeling vulnerable like this.
notachickenhawk: (boy: darkly amused)

[personal profile] notachickenhawk 2025-04-02 03:26 am (UTC)(link)
okay

[It doesn't take all that much time - though he's a little out of breath by the time he gets there. He wasn't running, but this body really is not built for stamina.]

[He hesitates at the door. It's late... he probably should be quiet. He near-silently opens the door, softly closing the door and letting out a breath.]

[His hands are shaking. He just heads into the kitchen and quietly pours himself a glass of water.]
notachickenhawk: (boy: in the crowd...)

[personal profile] notachickenhawk 2025-04-05 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
[Tobias on the other hand looks awful. He's in a loose shirt and a pair of jeans that look like they've seen better days, along with a small bag. His hair is mussed and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks like he's slept barely a few hours for a good few nights.]

I... tried tea, but maybe yours is better?

[He takes a shaky breath and uses both hands to drink some water, afraid that he's going to drop the glass.]

I'm glad you're... at least willing to tolerate me.
notachickenhawk: ([birdboy])

[personal profile] notachickenhawk 2025-04-06 03:56 pm (UTC)(link)
[He heads over and sits down, shoulders hunched a bit and his breath a little short. It's fine. He's... he's fine. He's safe. For now - no. For a while. Until he gets back home.]

... I guess it's not that uncommon. ... I used to think people with insomnia just weren't trying hard enough to sleep, but... now it's me.

[He takes the mug and drinks a little bit, trying to calm himself.]

... I function better as a bird now than as a human. I'd ask if that's weird, but I know the answer is 'yes'.
notachickenhawk: (boy: casual)

[personal profile] notachickenhawk 2025-04-11 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah. High up in a tree, overlooking a field. It's what's comfortable for me - it's why I got a treehouse.

[He sighs and closes his eyes.]

I think I almost have enough. I'm close to having it back...
notachickenhawk: (boy: darkly amused)

[personal profile] notachickenhawk 2025-04-13 02:56 am (UTC)(link)
[On the… you know what, it’s not the worst idea.]

As long as I won’t fall off.

[He’s joking but also he can’t morph to fix a broken bone yet. Still, he gets up and follows Eren.]