[It strikes him more deeply than he would have guessed it might. Maruki still sees Eren, the friend he met in a dream. He's different now, but so is Maruki, without four years time to credit. Eren feels like he could cry, and that feeling is so familiar, that he surely must be the same person. He still watches the sky. He still wants his mother.]
It doesn't matter.
[Eren's voice is tight. His hand reaches up and tangles with the one Maruki has in his hair. He brings it down between them, grip pulsing.]
They haven't let go. They won't. Even when I wanted them to.
So, it doesn't matter.
[This isn't about them, anyway.]
We don't have to talk about it anymore. You're here...
It makes sense...you'd see me clearer than anyone.
[ They haven't let go, but that doesn't mean they're holding on in the right way. ]
It was never hard, when you were younger or when you returned this time. I don't mean to disparage anyone, but I want you to understand... you're not a difficult person to see, Eren.
[ Maruki squeezes Eren's hand back, uses it to tug him closer. ]
[He shifts closer when he's pulled closer. When he speaks, his voice is quiet enough to suit what very little space lies between them - and it's miserable.]
I'm supposed to be. That's the point. [His voice cracks on that word - "point".
[His world is a red ocean, so what's the "point" anymore, anyway?]
[ Well, what is there to say to that? Maruki can resent them all he wants for not seeing Eren properly, but he's also aware Eren has done all he can to ensure that's the case. It cuts both ways, and in the end, Eren suffers for it. He just wants to be known, like anyone else does. ]
Would it help if I pointed out all the other times I see that younger you shining through, or do you want me to stop?
[ Normally, Maruki might press him to keep talking about it, but– he hears that warmth edging into Eren's voice, and he wants to take hold of it. It's supposed to be a nice night. They've had a rough few weeks...
He tilts his head into Eren's touch, hums thoughtfully. ]
I suppose we're both biased. Or unbiased, as the case may be! It fits, though, you're right.
[ They're close, and Maruki only wants to be closer. He tucks himself against Eren, thunks their foreheads together. ]
I know you don't want to celebrate your birthday, but will you keep the day clear for me?
[Eren feels his heart skip, his face heat, and it's not because of Maruki's closeness. He hadn't allowed himself to want anything for his birthday, but if there was one thing, it was to do something with Maruki - or, in all honesty, the idea Maruki might do something for him. It feels pitiful to admit...
[He can't nod with their foreheads pressed together like this. He kisses the tip of Maruki's nose.]
[Eren knows that it's a joke, because there is no reality in which Takuto Maruki is under the impression he wants another birthday party - it makes Eren wrinkle his nose anyway.]
No. I don't want to do anything else. I haven't mentioned it to anyone at all.
[It comes out slow, Eren's eyes falling closed. He could fall asleep in the very idea of spending that entire day in the windmill.]
I'll just tell everyone I made other plans. If they really want to do something together, we'll do it another day...
[Arms tighten around Maruki, and he's tugged in even closer, Eren grinding the bridge of his nose against the peak of the man's cheek bone. It's almost aggressive.]
Just like tomorrow too. You promised we wouldn't go back for two more days.
[ It might be a nearly aggressive motion, but Maruki just laughs, tilting his head this way and that until Eren has better access.
There's some small, sick amount of triumph that buzzes through his blood at the idea of keeping Eren all to himself for his birthday. Everyone else can wait, just that once. ]
I did! And I meant it. I have no plans, and everyone at home seems to enjoy being healthy again too much to need me.
[ He scratches fondly at Eren's nape, smiles up at the stars. ]
[Good. Let everyone need someone else for a little while. Eren wants to be the only one that needs Maruki. That's exactly why they should spend March 30th alone.]
Even if we just laid here all day, I'd be fine with that.
[Fingertips affectionately graze over Maruki's ribs, thoughtless and natural. Their feet have twisted together at the ankles.]
That's always my answer.
It's all I want, though. To be close just like this.
[ They're tangled up from head to toe. He flattens out his palm over Eren's nape, pushes him gently down until he can tuck his head against Maruki's collarbone and let himself be held. ]
You told me I'm supposed to be resting, and nothing sounds more restful than that.
[Eren is easily folded into Maruki, face indeed pressed into collarbone. Thoughtlessly, he lightly clamps his teeth down over the solid ridge. It's an idle motion, really, though he seems to realize - releases.]
Sorry.
[A kiss to make up for it, and then Eren fully nestles in.]
[This is a tragic discovery. Not only is Eren strong, but he's demonstrably ruthless. Some may argue that he doesn't possess enough whimsy to tickle his most beloved Other into submission, but he thinks Maruki will understand that there's merely no other choice. This isn't a matter of pride - it's a matter of duty.
[ He knew his fate was sealed the moment he let out one singular giggle at the first brush of contact.
It's over.
He's done for.
The space they've chosen to camp in is so open, his bright, unrestrained laughter echoes through the vast space. It's not unlike what might happen in an empty world, really... ]
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no subject
It doesn't matter.
[Eren's voice is tight. His hand reaches up and tangles with the one Maruki has in his hair. He brings it down between them, grip pulsing.]
They haven't let go. They won't. Even when I wanted them to.
So, it doesn't matter.
[This isn't about them, anyway.]
We don't have to talk about it anymore. You're here...
It makes sense...you'd see me clearer than anyone.
no subject
It was never hard, when you were younger or when you returned this time. I don't mean to disparage anyone, but I want you to understand... you're not a difficult person to see, Eren.
[ Maruki squeezes Eren's hand back, uses it to tug him closer. ]
That's all I'll say.
no subject
I'm supposed to be. That's the point. [His voice cracks on that word - "point".
[His world is a red ocean, so what's the "point" anymore, anyway?]
I don't know...
no subject
Would it help if I pointed out all the other times I see that younger you shining through, or do you want me to stop?
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[His voice sounds so odd, still strained like he's going to cry, but warming as his focus shifts to Maruki.
[He tucks hair away from the rim of the man's glasses.]
You're different. I've always been "Eren" to you. That's all.
You're Maruki. It fits...
no subject
He tilts his head into Eren's touch, hums thoughtfully. ]
I suppose we're both biased. Or unbiased, as the case may be! It fits, though, you're right.
[ They're close, and Maruki only wants to be closer. He tucks himself against Eren, thunks their foreheads together. ]
I know you don't want to celebrate your birthday, but will you keep the day clear for me?
no subject
[He can't nod with their foreheads pressed together like this. He kisses the tip of Maruki's nose.]
Yeah. That's what I want.
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[ A beat, and he grinds his forehead against Eren's. ]
Unless you want that?
[ He knows Eren doesn't. The tease is blatantly apparent in his voice. ]
no subject
No. I don't want to do anything else. I haven't mentioned it to anyone at all.
I think they'll hunt me down anyway...
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[ He brushes his nose against Eren's until it unwrinkles. ]
Spend the day with me. Truly. [ But then, the briefest faltering: ] I mean, only if you think you can get away with it...
no subject
[It comes out slow, Eren's eyes falling closed. He could fall asleep in the very idea of spending that entire day in the windmill.]
I'll just tell everyone I made other plans. If they really want to do something together, we'll do it another day...
[Arms tighten around Maruki, and he's tugged in even closer, Eren grinding the bridge of his nose against the peak of the man's cheek bone. It's almost aggressive.]
Just like tomorrow too. You promised we wouldn't go back for two more days.
no subject
There's some small, sick amount of triumph that buzzes through his blood at the idea of keeping Eren all to himself for his birthday. Everyone else can wait, just that once. ]
I did! And I meant it. I have no plans, and everyone at home seems to enjoy being healthy again too much to need me.
[ He scratches fondly at Eren's nape, smiles up at the stars. ]
What do you want to do tomorrow?
no subject
Even if we just laid here all day, I'd be fine with that.
[Fingertips affectionately graze over Maruki's ribs, thoughtless and natural. Their feet have twisted together at the ankles.]
That's always my answer.
It's all I want, though. To be close just like this.
no subject
[ They're tangled up from head to toe. He flattens out his palm over Eren's nape, pushes him gently down until he can tuck his head against Maruki's collarbone and let himself be held. ]
You told me I'm supposed to be resting, and nothing sounds more restful than that.
no subject
Sorry.
[A kiss to make up for it, and then Eren fully nestles in.]
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Did you bite me...?
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[Eren presses his face deeper against Maruki's chest, his voice becoming comically muffled.]
Just a little.
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Hm.
Well, in that case.
Maruki contorts himself to crane his neck down to one of Eren's arms wrapped around him and does a little chomp of his own. ]
1/2
2/2 yeah this is happening...
[Actually...
[He lowers his hand and tucks his fingers up under one of Maruki's armpits. Is he ticklish? They're going to find out.]
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EXTREMELY. ]
Stop that–!!
[ He'll do his very best to wriggle away, but they're pretty well tangled up... ]
no subject
[Get obliterated.]
no subject
It's over.
He's done for.
The space they've chosen to camp in is so open, his bright, unrestrained laughter echoes through the vast space. It's not unlike what might happen in an empty world, really... ]