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[Eren speaks Maruki's thoughts, quietly, through the steam between them.]
There could be a pair of you and I right now, meeting just like that. It almost feels true...
[But...anyway...]
Of course I do. We brought everything we need. You're not changing your mind, are you?
There could be a pair of you and I right now, meeting just like that. It almost feels true...
[But...anyway...]
Of course I do. We brought everything we need. You're not changing your mind, are you?
[Eren feels a thrill in his chest, as if he were suddenly standing on a precipice, about to jump off and fly. He nods, breathless, though it doesn't show. Every time he thinks about their empty world, all he can think is that he wants to die faster--
[Get there faster...
[They'll be the end of everything.]
That's right. When you're ready, we'll go. We can look at the sky there too.
[Get there faster...
[They'll be the end of everything.]
That's right. When you're ready, we'll go. We can look at the sky there too.
[ No telling whether Eren's talking about their empty world, or simply their camping spot here. Perhaps both. Maruki's heart aches for it, but it's not painful. Not at all.
They stay in the hot springs for a while longer – as long as Maruki can stand it, though he's light-headed and dizzy when they do get out and has to wait before they set off. He tells Eren about bath houses back home while they walk, and the onsen too, and how you wouldn't think that a glass of milk is perfect after such an experience, but it really is...
They could talk forever, about everything, about nothing. Maruki doesn't think he's led a particularly rich life, but he somehow knows he'll never run out of things to tell Eren.
In the crystal clearing where Eren set everything up earlier in the day, Maruki flops down immediately onto his overstuffed bedroll, heaving a huge sigh. He should probably help to make a fire, or... whatever else one does while camping, but– ]
I'm too relaxed after all of that. I don't think I'm going to move the rest of the night.
They stay in the hot springs for a while longer – as long as Maruki can stand it, though he's light-headed and dizzy when they do get out and has to wait before they set off. He tells Eren about bath houses back home while they walk, and the onsen too, and how you wouldn't think that a glass of milk is perfect after such an experience, but it really is...
They could talk forever, about everything, about nothing. Maruki doesn't think he's led a particularly rich life, but he somehow knows he'll never run out of things to tell Eren.
In the crystal clearing where Eren set everything up earlier in the day, Maruki flops down immediately onto his overstuffed bedroll, heaving a huge sigh. He should probably help to make a fire, or... whatever else one does while camping, but– ]
I'm too relaxed after all of that. I don't think I'm going to move the rest of the night.
[Eren has a special ringer for Akechi. It wakes him up every time.]
I've never heard of it.
I've never heard of it.
[Eren glances over his shoulder from where he's preparing firewood.]
Hm? You're not going to help me?
[With anyone else, he'd certainly sound annoyed, but with Maruki, the words are so fond - it's impossible to deny even in his subdued voice. He arranges the wood into a pattern he learned back when he was a cadet, good for long, small fires. He uses flint to get it started, just like someone from Maruki's time would probably see in the movies.]
You're being lazy.
[Also fond - terribly, terribly fond, and terribly, terribly warm.]
Hm? You're not going to help me?
[With anyone else, he'd certainly sound annoyed, but with Maruki, the words are so fond - it's impossible to deny even in his subdued voice. He arranges the wood into a pattern he learned back when he was a cadet, good for long, small fires. He uses flint to get it started, just like someone from Maruki's time would probably see in the movies.]
You're being lazy.
[Also fond - terribly, terribly fond, and terribly, terribly warm.]
[ And from anyone else, those words – annoyed or fond or anything in between – would have Maruki springing up to his feet, apologizing, offering to help in whatever way he can, even if it's something he's as useless at as basic survival skills.
Here, though, he only rolls onto his stomach, props his chin up on his folded arms and watches with a smile. ]
Am I? I seem to recall you being very insistent that I take a break once the disease cleared up. Are you going back on that now?
Here, though, he only rolls onto his stomach, props his chin up on his folded arms and watches with a smile. ]
Am I? I seem to recall you being very insistent that I take a break once the disease cleared up. Are you going back on that now?
No.
[That warmth in his voice endures, and his back is turned on Maruki now, and he thinks he might be smiling into the fire as it flickers to life.]
I don't want you to do a single thing.
[And he doesn't want to do much either. They ate before coming to the hot springs. Now, he really just wants to get close, but...
[Eren glances over his shoulder.]
Are you hungry?
[That's what matters, anyway. He's always made sure Maruki had something to eat.]
[That warmth in his voice endures, and his back is turned on Maruki now, and he thinks he might be smiling into the fire as it flickers to life.]
I don't want you to do a single thing.
[And he doesn't want to do much either. They ate before coming to the hot springs. Now, he really just wants to get close, but...
[Eren glances over his shoulder.]
Are you hungry?
[That's what matters, anyway. He's always made sure Maruki had something to eat.]
A card game?
[People play those in bars, right? At tables, even.]
That's fine. Just tell me where to go.
[People play those in bars, right? At tables, even.]
That's fine. Just tell me where to go.
No - it's a tabletop game. You use sticks to hit balls in a particular way. It requires strategy and the ability to predict your opponent's moves.
[ATTACHED IS SOME KINDA INSTRUCTIONS TO THE BAR. GG gamer.]
My suggestion is we forgo training after we jog and do this instead. For just today, of course.
[It's not like ♥ he has ♥ his personas ♥ anyway. ♥]
[ATTACHED IS SOME KINDA INSTRUCTIONS TO THE BAR. GG gamer.]
My suggestion is we forgo training after we jog and do this instead. For just today, of course.
[It's not like ♥ he has ♥ his personas ♥ anyway. ♥]
[That makes it sound more like a sport. Eren's having a hard time conceptualizing it.]
Alright. We'll just jog to the portal then. We should put together a route in Lumindeas too. You can run further, right?
Alright. We'll just jog to the portal then. We should put together a route in Lumindeas too. You can run further, right?
[It's become more common for a brief flash of emotion to cross over Eren's face when he's with Maruki - not just once or twice, but as they talk. Wanting to cry so badly that your lips pull down for half a second is the most Eren had for a long time. Now, he might be confused, or amused, or annoyed, or thoughtful - and it's only the smallest half-of-a-handful of people who get to see it, even fewer who actually notice.
[To that end, a curious look appears. He comes to lie by Maruki, immediately stretching out on his side. He props his head up on his hand.]
Why's it bad to eat after using a hot spring?
[To that end, a curious look appears. He comes to lie by Maruki, immediately stretching out on his side. He props his head up on his hand.]
Why's it bad to eat after using a hot spring?
[ Maruki's ribs squeeze with a powerful affection as Eren settles down and looks at him like that. ]
The hot water diverts your blood flow away from your digestive system, so it's easy to get nauseated or dizzy if you eat too quickly or too heavy of a meal afterwards. It's best to have something light and hydrating.
[ He reaches up, pokes a finger against Eren's cheek to draw one corner of his lips up. ]
Lately, sometimes you really do look like your younger self.
The hot water diverts your blood flow away from your digestive system, so it's easy to get nauseated or dizzy if you eat too quickly or too heavy of a meal afterwards. It's best to have something light and hydrating.
[ He reaches up, pokes a finger against Eren's cheek to draw one corner of his lips up. ]
Lately, sometimes you really do look like your younger self.
[And he really does, when Maruki says that, blinking at him just the way he always has.]
What do you mean...?
What do you mean...?
[Some pain pulls his brow down beneath Maruki's touch. His mouth is shut tight, and for a minute, he's worried he might start to feel roots in his throat again. Seems that's over now...
[It's Maruki, so he'll say how he feels anyway.]
You say that. But. You're still talking about us like we're two separate people. Even if you don't really mean it, that's just how it feels, right?
That's how everyone feels...
[They lost the Eren they loved, and they were left with this one as the only remaining option.]
[It's Maruki, so he'll say how he feels anyway.]
You say that. But. You're still talking about us like we're two separate people. Even if you don't really mean it, that's just how it feels, right?
That's how everyone feels...
[They lost the Eren they loved, and they were left with this one as the only remaining option.]
[Eren breathes, and his arm slips down under him, heading laying flat against it. He keeps his eyes on his Other. He wants to say he doesn't know, but he's always tried to answer when Maruki asks him how he feels.]
I feel the same. But no one recognizes me anymore.
Like everyone thinks I died four years ago, and someone else took my place. But I didn't.
I lie too well. It's not just that, though. They saw what they wanted to see. It's easier to believe I changed than to accept I've always been a disappointment.
I feel the same. But no one recognizes me anymore.
Like everyone thinks I died four years ago, and someone else took my place. But I didn't.
I lie too well. It's not just that, though. They saw what they wanted to see. It's easier to believe I changed than to accept I've always been a disappointment.
[ Eren lays his head down, and Maruki follows, both of them curled onto their sides to look at one another. He strokes his fingers through Eren's hair, methodical, and considers it. ]
Do you remember the first night back after you returned? When you came to stay over at the machiya...
You told me that you weren't the same. I didn't want to argue with you at the time, so I tried to redirect that by telling you all that matters is that you're you.
[ Fingertips trace the delicate shell of Eren's ear. There are places still where he's just as fragile and human as anyone. Most aren't visible, and few seem to consider them. ]
But you are the same. You've grown up, and things have happened to you, but I've never felt like you were a different person. You always were you, and you always will be. If people don't see that, Eren...
[ It's an old ember of anger that lives deep in his soul. He can't breathe life into it. He already holds so much against people who will never understand Eren as he does. ]
It's not fair to you, but their perception of you is their own responsibility. It's their loss.
Do you remember the first night back after you returned? When you came to stay over at the machiya...
You told me that you weren't the same. I didn't want to argue with you at the time, so I tried to redirect that by telling you all that matters is that you're you.
[ Fingertips trace the delicate shell of Eren's ear. There are places still where he's just as fragile and human as anyone. Most aren't visible, and few seem to consider them. ]
But you are the same. You've grown up, and things have happened to you, but I've never felt like you were a different person. You always were you, and you always will be. If people don't see that, Eren...
[ It's an old ember of anger that lives deep in his soul. He can't breathe life into it. He already holds so much against people who will never understand Eren as he does. ]
It's not fair to you, but their perception of you is their own responsibility. It's their loss.
[Now that he's breathing properly again, Eren's sure that it feels that way.]
I'll see you in a few hours, then.
[As he always says, as he always does, as he is always texted at 2:00am. He thinks Akechi is one of the loneliest people he's ever met. Night is the most terrible time to want someone.
[He's there at the machiya at 4:00am, just like he always is, and then they jog their way to Stellari. They're able to stop at their safehouse and change, then onto the bar, where Eren sees a billiards table for the first time. It's not what he was expecting...]
You hit them?
[He holds the stick uselessly in his hands, horizontal.]
Show me.
I'll see you in a few hours, then.
[As he always says, as he always does, as he is always texted at 2:00am. He thinks Akechi is one of the loneliest people he's ever met. Night is the most terrible time to want someone.
[He's there at the machiya at 4:00am, just like he always is, and then they jog their way to Stellari. They're able to stop at their safehouse and change, then onto the bar, where Eren sees a billiards table for the first time. It's not what he was expecting...]
You hit them?
[He holds the stick uselessly in his hands, horizontal.]
Show me.
[It strikes him more deeply than he would have guessed it might. Maruki still sees Eren, the friend he met in a dream. He's different now, but so is Maruki, without four years time to credit. Eren feels like he could cry, and that feeling is so familiar, that he surely must be the same person. He still watches the sky. He still wants his mother.]
It doesn't matter.
[Eren's voice is tight. His hand reaches up and tangles with the one Maruki has in his hair. He brings it down between them, grip pulsing.]
They haven't let go. They won't. Even when I wanted them to.
So, it doesn't matter.
[This isn't about them, anyway.]
We don't have to talk about it anymore. You're here...
It makes sense...you'd see me clearer than anyone.
It doesn't matter.
[Eren's voice is tight. His hand reaches up and tangles with the one Maruki has in his hair. He brings it down between them, grip pulsing.]
They haven't let go. They won't. Even when I wanted them to.
So, it doesn't matter.
[This isn't about them, anyway.]
We don't have to talk about it anymore. You're here...
It makes sense...you'd see me clearer than anyone.
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