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[ Standing, sitting – Maruki will do whatever Eren does. There is something percolating inside him, but it isn't close to boiling over yet, and until it does he doesn't have the strength to do anything else. Eren sinks down, and so does he. Eren makes a space for him to collapse in, and so he does.
They want us to suffer, and they do, but can that really be it? ]
He's– there's almost a year separating what I last remember and what he does. He's lived beyond my time, even if he doesn't know me, and I just think–
[ Bile rises, swift and acrid. Maruki swallows it down, strangles out a little noise as he sits up straight. His arms around Eren's back fall loose, and he looks at his best friend face to face. There's nothing but abject terror in his wide eyes. ]
I just think, what if he lived through a future I had something to do with? What if I accidentally erased his memory of me too? [ It wouldn't be the first time. Eren knows that. He's panicked. ] It could be my fault. It could be.
They want us to suffer, and they do, but can that really be it? ]
He's– there's almost a year separating what I last remember and what he does. He's lived beyond my time, even if he doesn't know me, and I just think–
[ Bile rises, swift and acrid. Maruki swallows it down, strangles out a little noise as he sits up straight. His arms around Eren's back fall loose, and he looks at his best friend face to face. There's nothing but abject terror in his wide eyes. ]
I just think, what if he lived through a future I had something to do with? What if I accidentally erased his memory of me too? [ It wouldn't be the first time. Eren knows that. He's panicked. ] It could be my fault. It could be.
[It could be.
[It's likely, even. Maruki knows this as well as Eren does; the terror in his eyes shows it. He's seen parts of his future - real, maybe, or maybe not - but, if Eren remembers correctly (always a gamble), there was no true confirmation. Kurusu is here now, the truth laid out before Eren's dear, dear friend.
[They can both see how it looks.
[Eren takes his friend by the shoulders, leveling their gaze.]
What you know about memories and what I know about memories can't compare. Remember what I told you.
They aren't so easy to destroy.
Maruki.
[Firm. There is no force stronger than you and I.]
Maruki...
[Gentle. Eren's hands massage at stiff muscle.]
That memory is alive. Suppressed, maybe, but it is alive.
I know it is. [Trust me.] I know.
[It's likely, even. Maruki knows this as well as Eren does; the terror in his eyes shows it. He's seen parts of his future - real, maybe, or maybe not - but, if Eren remembers correctly (always a gamble), there was no true confirmation. Kurusu is here now, the truth laid out before Eren's dear, dear friend.
[They can both see how it looks.
[Eren takes his friend by the shoulders, leveling their gaze.]
What you know about memories and what I know about memories can't compare. Remember what I told you.
They aren't so easy to destroy.
Maruki.
[Firm. There is no force stronger than you and I.]
Maruki...
[Gentle. Eren's hands massage at stiff muscle.]
That memory is alive. Suppressed, maybe, but it is alive.
I know it is. [Trust me.] I know.
[ There's so much desperation into Maruki's gaze. He wants to believe Eren. More than anything, he wants to believe that there's any possibility of the Akira that he knows still being somewhere in the boy who's found himself here. Actualization can be broken, after all – in another life, another reality, Yoshizawa unchained herself and railed against him with all she had. It's possible...
But that's supposing that it is Maruki's fault. And that's his fear, yes, but there's another one competing with it. In many ways, it terrifies him more. ]
I know. [ Whispered, then stronger. ] No, I know... But it could also be that we really are from different realities. [ His stomach lurches; he's pale, clammy. ] So, if that's the case...
[ Maruki falls quiet, the words refusing to come forth, and then he laughs. Wet and choking and without a single hint of mirth. One hand slips up beneath his glasses, heel of his palm digging into his eye as another bark of a laugh escapes. ]
I don't understand. How could we have never met?
[ It feels impossible. It should be impossible. His guiding light. ]
But that's supposing that it is Maruki's fault. And that's his fear, yes, but there's another one competing with it. In many ways, it terrifies him more. ]
I know. [ Whispered, then stronger. ] No, I know... But it could also be that we really are from different realities. [ His stomach lurches; he's pale, clammy. ] So, if that's the case...
[ Maruki falls quiet, the words refusing to come forth, and then he laughs. Wet and choking and without a single hint of mirth. One hand slips up beneath his glasses, heel of his palm digging into his eye as another bark of a laugh escapes. ]
I don't understand. How could we have never met?
[ It feels impossible. It should be impossible. His guiding light. ]
[Because not everyone is as inevitable as Maruki and Eren. Because not everyone meets their best friend in every reality. Because Kurusu isn't a god, capable of skipping through timelines and warping the very fabric of reality however he so chooses. Because Kurusu is not Eren, and so he's not Maruki, and so, they can only ever be separate, when everything ends, when there's only a wretched place like this left.
[That being said...]
You're meeting now. You get it, don't you? Think about it.
Even if this Kurusu is from a reality where you never met, he found you here. You found each other.
You and I...it's different with us, but...
Hythlodaeus followed us here too. If two people are meant to meet - if you believe that like I do, like we've talked about, then...
[It makes sense. He isn't placating Maruki. He wouldn't.]
This is where the story starts. He still needed you. He found you.
[That being said...]
You're meeting now. You get it, don't you? Think about it.
Even if this Kurusu is from a reality where you never met, he found you here. You found each other.
You and I...it's different with us, but...
Hythlodaeus followed us here too. If two people are meant to meet - if you believe that like I do, like we've talked about, then...
[It makes sense. He isn't placating Maruki. He wouldn't.]
This is where the story starts. He still needed you. He found you.
[ If I won in a world without you in it, I'll never lose in one that has you.
It hurts. Worse than spilling his heart out about Rumi on a couch in the farmhouse, on a darkened path through the woods, in a bathhouse, on a starlit cliff. Worse than having his back gouged by a fallen kaiju, or his throat collapsing as a rock beats down against it, or being impaled and shredded by Rashomon. It hurts, sudden and visceral and blinding.
Maruki yanks off his glasses, sets them down on the floor somewhere beside them. Covers both eyes now, palms digging in, fingers winding up into his hair and hanging on tight. There's a burning in his chest as his teeth grit tight enough to shatter, and he tries to breathe, because it does make sense. It does. It makes sense. Maruki knows it does. But– ]
I don't want this.
[ Small, wretched, miserably selfish. Maruki shakes his head, grinds his palms against the heat rising up behind his eyes, clutches at his head like he used to during the migraines that preceded Azathoth.
It's not strictly true. Of course he wants to start their story again. Of course he wants anything to do with Akira, even if it's painful. Of course he will.
But there's an irrational part of him that he never allows to surface. Always tempered, always logical, always setting aside his own emotions to do what's right. That part of him doesn't want to have to rebuild something that's supposed to be so foundational. It's hard, and it hurts, and he doesn't want to do something so hard, he doesn't want to hurt. He doesn't want to hurt.
Another shake of his head, another pitiful admission through a wet, choked-off voice. ]
I don't want this. I want him here.
[ I want my friend. ]
This is where the story starts. He still needed you. He found you.
It hurts. Worse than spilling his heart out about Rumi on a couch in the farmhouse, on a darkened path through the woods, in a bathhouse, on a starlit cliff. Worse than having his back gouged by a fallen kaiju, or his throat collapsing as a rock beats down against it, or being impaled and shredded by Rashomon. It hurts, sudden and visceral and blinding.
Maruki yanks off his glasses, sets them down on the floor somewhere beside them. Covers both eyes now, palms digging in, fingers winding up into his hair and hanging on tight. There's a burning in his chest as his teeth grit tight enough to shatter, and he tries to breathe, because it does make sense. It does. It makes sense. Maruki knows it does. But– ]
I don't want this.
[ Small, wretched, miserably selfish. Maruki shakes his head, grinds his palms against the heat rising up behind his eyes, clutches at his head like he used to during the migraines that preceded Azathoth.
It's not strictly true. Of course he wants to start their story again. Of course he wants anything to do with Akira, even if it's painful. Of course he will.
But there's an irrational part of him that he never allows to surface. Always tempered, always logical, always setting aside his own emotions to do what's right. That part of him doesn't want to have to rebuild something that's supposed to be so foundational. It's hard, and it hurts, and he doesn't want to do something so hard, he doesn't want to hurt. He doesn't want to hurt.
Another shake of his head, another pitiful admission through a wet, choked-off voice. ]
I don't want this. I want him here.
[ I want my friend. ]
Edited 2024-11-11 06:19 (UTC)
[It can be hard learning a new kitchen space, but it's something that puts Akira at ease. It always has, even back during the first days that he moved to Leblanc. Now, with the situations with both Akechi and Maruki... it's probably something he needs now more than ever.
The pantries are well-stocked, at least. He hadn't really known what to expect from either of them, but it seems like at least one or both must cook fairly often... Enough to have a good stock of supplies and a good arrangement of equipment.
He looks around. Nobody else is with him here, except for the cat watching him with careful eyes from a short distance away. Assessing him, most likely, til she feels comfortable with him; he's a stranger that just arrived in her house, after all.
...Akira should probably try to get comfortable here too, though. He'd thought about it yesterday, but he's decided now. He'll cook breakfast for them. Things may be complicated, but he's up before (seemingly) anyone else. It's the least he can do. It seems like there's enough to scrounge together for curry, so...
It's quiet as he goes about his work. There's a peace to falling into the familiar steps, even if he's unsure if he should be worrying about the ingredients at all. His new housemates seem to be living here and eating the food, even if it's cognitive, so Akira isn't going to think about it too hard. What he is going to do is grab a cup and see if there's any coffee to make. Akira turns-
and
in the corner
Shit-
[It's hissed out between his teeth, his body jerks, his elbow goes out-
and curry splatters all over the ground.
There's a long stretch of silence. Akira doesn't move, hand tightly clutching the mug in a death grip, waiting to see if the man will move instead. Or speak. Or at least stop glaring.
But he can't stand leaving that mess on the floor. Akira needs to move, he needs to do something, so he finally moves the slightest centimeter and says-]
Are you having breakfast here, too?
The pantries are well-stocked, at least. He hadn't really known what to expect from either of them, but it seems like at least one or both must cook fairly often... Enough to have a good stock of supplies and a good arrangement of equipment.
He looks around. Nobody else is with him here, except for the cat watching him with careful eyes from a short distance away. Assessing him, most likely, til she feels comfortable with him; he's a stranger that just arrived in her house, after all.
...Akira should probably try to get comfortable here too, though. He'd thought about it yesterday, but he's decided now. He'll cook breakfast for them. Things may be complicated, but he's up before (seemingly) anyone else. It's the least he can do. It seems like there's enough to scrounge together for curry, so...
It's quiet as he goes about his work. There's a peace to falling into the familiar steps, even if he's unsure if he should be worrying about the ingredients at all. His new housemates seem to be living here and eating the food, even if it's cognitive, so Akira isn't going to think about it too hard. What he is going to do is grab a cup and see if there's any coffee to make. Akira turns-
and
is a man glaring from the shadows.]
Shit-
[It's hissed out between his teeth, his body jerks, his elbow goes out-
There's a long stretch of silence. Akira doesn't move, hand tightly clutching the mug in a death grip, waiting to see if the man will move instead. Or speak. Or at least stop glaring.
But he can't stand leaving that mess on the floor. Akira needs to move, he needs to do something, so he finally moves the slightest centimeter and says-]
Are you having breakfast here, too?
[Eren knew that Kurusu would be here, of course. It's why he's here now - before Maruki wakes up and realizes all over again that nothing here is only a bad dream.
[He told himself he'd be calm, so he's calm. He never told himself he wouldn't stare. Maybe it isn't intentional, at first; he can watch the boy move about the space as he works without ever being seen, go intercept Maruki at his bedroom door before the smell of food wakes him up.
[At some point, the stare becomes something else.
[Kurusu will know Eren Jaeger. He will know him well and right away. He will know that he has a key to the machiya. He will know that Takuto Maruki is
very
dear
to Eren.
[Memory is both mutable and everlasting; Eren really did believe it when he told Maruki that he and Kurusu's time together still lived in the boy's soul.
[However.
[Kurusu has more ability to hurt Maruki than anyone else in this reality - than anyone else in most. Eren must be present. Eren must be near. Eren is not a friend of Akira Kurusu's. As it stands right now, he's not so much human as a beloved family pet.
[Shadows hang all around the machiya, but Eren moves closer, silent toward the kitchen, stare never wavering. It's not a particularly vicious glare; still a glare.]
You'll see me often. My dear friends rest here. [Oh, but those words do not sound kind.]
I've heard your name, Kurusu. You should learn mine.
[He told himself he'd be calm, so he's calm. He never told himself he wouldn't stare. Maybe it isn't intentional, at first; he can watch the boy move about the space as he works without ever being seen, go intercept Maruki at his bedroom door before the smell of food wakes him up.
[At some point, the stare becomes something else.
[Kurusu will know Eren Jaeger. He will know him well and right away. He will know that he has a key to the machiya. He will know that Takuto Maruki is
dear
to Eren.
[Memory is both mutable and everlasting; Eren really did believe it when he told Maruki that he and Kurusu's time together still lived in the boy's soul.
[However.
[Kurusu has more ability to hurt Maruki than anyone else in this reality - than anyone else in most. Eren must be present. Eren must be near. Eren is not a friend of Akira Kurusu's. As it stands right now, he's not so much human as a beloved family pet.
[Shadows hang all around the machiya, but Eren moves closer, silent toward the kitchen, stare never wavering. It's not a particularly vicious glare; still a glare.]
You'll see me often. My dear friends rest here. [Oh, but those words do not sound kind.]
I've heard your name, Kurusu. You should learn mine.
[Maruki's misery is laid out so plainly in front of Eren, and it hurts.
[Maruki, ever strong, ever steady, crumbling on the dusty floor of a nigh-abandoned windmill with only Eren's body there to anchor him. Eren has never seen his friend in a state like this.
[He shifts closer, pulling Maruki close against his chest, cradling his head as if he were a child, pressing his nose into his hair.]
I know. [Whispered. Fingers trail over Maruki's spine.]
I know. [He hasn't experienced it himself. It's difficult to imagine, given that, but he tries - tries to think of how it would feel to see Armin walk through town, not a hint of recognition on his face as their eyes meet--
[Eren takes a long, deep breath. He breathes against Maruki. He breathes so he can feel it. He breathes so his friend can breathe too.]
I know. [What else can he say? He closes his eyes. He kisses the top of Maruki's head, gentle, lingering. It's what Eren's mother would do for him. It's what Maruki would do for Eren.
[He rests his cheek there afterward, holding tight. Eren is not built to soothe, but he tries. He tries...]
I'm here. I've got you, Maruki. I've got you.
[Maruki, ever strong, ever steady, crumbling on the dusty floor of a nigh-abandoned windmill with only Eren's body there to anchor him. Eren has never seen his friend in a state like this.
[He shifts closer, pulling Maruki close against his chest, cradling his head as if he were a child, pressing his nose into his hair.]
I know. [Whispered. Fingers trail over Maruki's spine.]
I know. [He hasn't experienced it himself. It's difficult to imagine, given that, but he tries - tries to think of how it would feel to see Armin walk through town, not a hint of recognition on his face as their eyes meet--
[Eren takes a long, deep breath. He breathes against Maruki. He breathes so he can feel it. He breathes so his friend can breathe too.]
I know. [What else can he say? He closes his eyes. He kisses the top of Maruki's head, gentle, lingering. It's what Eren's mother would do for him. It's what Maruki would do for Eren.
[He rests his cheek there afterward, holding tight. Eren is not built to soothe, but he tries. He tries...]
I'm here. I've got you, Maruki. I've got you.
[ It isn't a stretch to say this is one of the most phenomenal kindnesses Maruki has been shown in his life, in any reality. Eren holds him, lets him make himself as small and miserable as he feels, lets him repeat that selfish desire again and again, quiet and muffled into his chest until he feels the salt sting of tears beginning to make his throat hoarse.
He goes quiet after a bit. Goes still, heartbeat hammering against his ribs, like a slowly calming prey animal that hasn't yet learned to trust. Breathes, matches his breath to Eren's. He's held. Eren has got him.
They stay like that for some time. Eren would be forgiven for thinking Maruki has worn out already, taken one hit too many and collapsed silently in on himself, held upright only by two strong arms. If the pain was too great for Maruki to speak another word for the rest of the day, he knows that he would be allowed that silence.
But that bottomless despondent pit in his soul wasn't what manifested his persona, neither as a voice in his head in a hospital room, nor as a wavering vision of its true form while the sky above Tokyo turned dark and crimson. Maruki lives in grief, spends every day mired in sorrow – but when the chips were down, it was rage that propelled him forward first. ]
I don't have anything.
[ Still quiet, still muffled into the fabric of Eren's shirt. But it strikes somewhere deep in his chest, steel against flint, and he finds himself sitting up. ]
In the true reality. I have nothing.
[ Somewhere in the very back of his mind, there is a memory of a memory of a memory, like fogged glass submerged in water: Broken and beaten, high above Odaiba, mask thrown away, letting years worth of pain bubble up and burst forth by screaming at the person he trusted most.
The parallels hit him first; the bitter irony hits him next. He's wanted Akira here for a thousand different reasons. Chief among them to ask him about that, on the off chance he came from that future of theirs – to be able to talk to someone who was there for him at the lowest moment that he's yet to experience, who saw him at his worst.
Akira has lived beyond that without ever living it. He'll never know.
And now it's Eren who faces him as he boils over. He's already helped Maruki kill every last one of his regrets. He shouldn't have to do this too.
And yet.
There's no self-pity in his words. Only frustration, pent up tight for years, exacerbated by being in this fucking place, coalescing rapidly into anger. Eren hasn't heard him like this. No one has. ]
I have no family. No friends. No colleagues. No future for my career. No purpose. Nothing. Whether my future is inevitable or not, I'll go back to nothing– you won't be there. Akechi will die. Rumi doesn't remember me.
[ His voice breaks on her name, but it doesn't stop the fury from steadily compounding with every word. Somewhere along the line, he's pushed himself far enough back to face Eren on the floor, no longer wrapped in his arms. One of his hands presses hard into the center of his own sternum. He can't feel it. ]
I threw it all away– for nothing. [ The word has ripped out of him more viciously with every repetition, and it's all bloodied barbs now. ] I thought– if nothing else, there'll always be Kurusu– but even that isn't guaranteed, is it? Is it!?
[ If there was more to come after that, neither of them will ever know. Coherency dies as his rage hits its zenith, and all at once, Maruki buries his head down into his hands, one palm half-clasped over his mouth as he cries out, a sob and a scream all at once.
And then–
He goes quiet after a bit. Goes still, heartbeat hammering against his ribs, like a slowly calming prey animal that hasn't yet learned to trust. Breathes, matches his breath to Eren's. He's held. Eren has got him.
They stay like that for some time. Eren would be forgiven for thinking Maruki has worn out already, taken one hit too many and collapsed silently in on himself, held upright only by two strong arms. If the pain was too great for Maruki to speak another word for the rest of the day, he knows that he would be allowed that silence.
But that bottomless despondent pit in his soul wasn't what manifested his persona, neither as a voice in his head in a hospital room, nor as a wavering vision of its true form while the sky above Tokyo turned dark and crimson. Maruki lives in grief, spends every day mired in sorrow – but when the chips were down, it was rage that propelled him forward first. ]
I don't have anything.
[ Still quiet, still muffled into the fabric of Eren's shirt. But it strikes somewhere deep in his chest, steel against flint, and he finds himself sitting up. ]
In the true reality. I have nothing.
[ Somewhere in the very back of his mind, there is a memory of a memory of a memory, like fogged glass submerged in water: Broken and beaten, high above Odaiba, mask thrown away, letting years worth of pain bubble up and burst forth by screaming at the person he trusted most.
The parallels hit him first; the bitter irony hits him next. He's wanted Akira here for a thousand different reasons. Chief among them to ask him about that, on the off chance he came from that future of theirs – to be able to talk to someone who was there for him at the lowest moment that he's yet to experience, who saw him at his worst.
Akira has lived beyond that without ever living it. He'll never know.
And now it's Eren who faces him as he boils over. He's already helped Maruki kill every last one of his regrets. He shouldn't have to do this too.
And yet.
There's no self-pity in his words. Only frustration, pent up tight for years, exacerbated by being in this fucking place, coalescing rapidly into anger. Eren hasn't heard him like this. No one has. ]
I have no family. No friends. No colleagues. No future for my career. No purpose. Nothing. Whether my future is inevitable or not, I'll go back to nothing– you won't be there. Akechi will die. Rumi doesn't remember me.
[ His voice breaks on her name, but it doesn't stop the fury from steadily compounding with every word. Somewhere along the line, he's pushed himself far enough back to face Eren on the floor, no longer wrapped in his arms. One of his hands presses hard into the center of his own sternum. He can't feel it. ]
I threw it all away– for nothing. [ The word has ripped out of him more viciously with every repetition, and it's all bloodied barbs now. ] I thought– if nothing else, there'll always be Kurusu– but even that isn't guaranteed, is it? Is it!?
[ If there was more to come after that, neither of them will ever know. Coherency dies as his rage hits its zenith, and all at once, Maruki buries his head down into his hands, one palm half-clasped over his mouth as he cries out, a sob and a scream all at once.
And then–
nothing. ]
3/3 and then future caitlin will go "comment chains only count as one comment when counting shards"
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abandonhumanity
2024-11-14 07:02 am (UTC)(link)
[Eren knows rage. Maruki only needs to sit up and shift away for the scent to hit his nostrils like a shark smelling blood. It doesn't matter that he's never seen it before. It doesn't matter that it's shocking. It doesn't matter that it's Maruki, and that Maruki isn't meant to get upset - Maruki isn't meant to scream, and cry, and condemn, and hate, and feel, and be, but Eren doesn't shy away.
[No, Eren would never shy away. Would never look upon him with disgust, or surprise, or disappointment.
[No.
[No.
[Because Eren knows very well who Takuto Maruki is. Eren knows very well who they are. Eren knows that a man does not bring the world to a ruin of his vision without hatred and misery in his heart.
[Maruki's rage would shock a weaker person, a stupider person, a person more easily tricked, but not Eren.
[Not. Eren.
[These are two men who cannot hide from each other - foolish that Maruki ever tried; Eren forgives him. The man raises up across from Eren, and Eren shifts onto his knees in return, mirroring his friend's height as his voice raises, disturbing birds nesting in the rafters of the windmill.
[They face each other. Eren holds Maruki's gaze, eyes burning, alight with shared fire, all the same vitriol for the world that destroyed him.
[No family, because Eren's ripped them apart, left their bodies strewn, bloody, wherever he found them; they left Maruki alone.
[No friends, because Eren has ground them all up between his mollars, tongue salted with viscera; they left Maruki alone.
[No colleagues, because Eren has razed their offices to rubble, bodies crushed beneath it, limbs sticking out at all the wrong angles, no better than bugs; they left Maruki alone.
[No Akira Kurusu, because Eren
will not
to be
crushed
[If he cannot destroy, he will stalk, and prowl, and watch, and wait...
[For as long as it takes.
Forever.
[In this reality
[Because Maruki is wrong. He doesn't have nothing. He doesn't have no one.
[Eren's voice rumbles out low and vicious, more beast than man.]
You have me.
[Maruki is silent, his cry still echoing in Eren's ears. Eren brings a hand to his face, tender, deadly.]
Don't. Forget.
There is one guarantee in this place, that place, any place. [He spits the words.]
I am your inevitability. I am your guarantee.
And I will not. Leave your side.
There is no Hell strong enough to keep me from you.
None. [A new echo off of the stone walls.]
You know me well, Maruki, but even if you don't know the full reach of my power. [A thumb strokes lovingly over his cheek.]
I'll rip apart every last reality there is.
[No, Eren would never shy away. Would never look upon him with disgust, or surprise, or disappointment.
[No.
[No.
[Because Eren knows very well who Takuto Maruki is. Eren knows very well who they are. Eren knows that a man does not bring the world to a ruin of his vision without hatred and misery in his heart.
[Maruki's rage would shock a weaker person, a stupider person, a person more easily tricked, but not Eren.
[Not. Eren.
[These are two men who cannot hide from each other - foolish that Maruki ever tried; Eren forgives him. The man raises up across from Eren, and Eren shifts onto his knees in return, mirroring his friend's height as his voice raises, disturbing birds nesting in the rafters of the windmill.
[They face each other. Eren holds Maruki's gaze, eyes burning, alight with shared fire, all the same vitriol for the world that destroyed him.
[No family, because Eren's ripped them apart, left their bodies strewn, bloody, wherever he found them; they left Maruki alone.
[No friends, because Eren has ground them all up between his mollars, tongue salted with viscera; they left Maruki alone.
[No colleagues, because Eren has razed their offices to rubble, bodies crushed beneath it, limbs sticking out at all the wrong angles, no better than bugs; they left Maruki alone.
[No Akira Kurusu, because Eren
allow Maruki
crushed
again.
[If he cannot destroy, he will stalk, and prowl, and watch, and wait...
[For as long as it takes.
[In this reality
and all realities.
[Because Maruki is wrong. He doesn't have nothing. He doesn't have no one.
[Eren's voice rumbles out low and vicious, more beast than man.]
You have me.
[Maruki is silent, his cry still echoing in Eren's ears. Eren brings a hand to his face, tender, deadly.]
Don't. Forget.
There is one guarantee in this place, that place, any place. [He spits the words.]
I am your inevitability. I am your guarantee.
And I will not. Leave your side.
There is no Hell strong enough to keep me from you.
None. [A new echo off of the stone walls.]
You know me well, Maruki, but even if you don't know the full reach of my power. [A thumb strokes lovingly over his cheek.]
I'll rip apart every last reality there is.
[It should instill fear. It sounds like more of a threat than a statement, and there's something so terribly menacing in that glare. He's in a house without Morgana, so far from all of his most beloved friends, with two people he's still deciding if he should trust - one because a seed of doubt lingers, and the other because it's already been proven before that trusting him could be fatal. And now, in the midst of it all, someone is here - how did he even get inside - that may not mean him well.
He should be afraid. He should be on guard.
And yet.
The two other people that live in this house... Akira may have difficulty trusting them, but they've never stopped being important to him. Even if one of them he met for the first time less than twenty-four hours ago.
And so, Akira's body does not become tense - it relaxes. Akira's face does not close off - it becomes almost unbearably soft.]
...You know them. You know both of them, don't you?
[His voice is soft, too - relieved. Maybe just a little bit sad, if one were to really listen hard for it.
His death grip on the mug loosens, and he straightens out of where he'd slouched against the counter as he was startled. The heat on the stove is turned off, at least for now.]
You're right. I'd like to know your name.
[His fingers still itch with the desire to clean, there's a mess there- but he waits. Akira forces himself to wait, just for a moment, because he wants to look at him when he says his name.]
He should be afraid. He should be on guard.
And yet.
The two other people that live in this house... Akira may have difficulty trusting them, but they've never stopped being important to him. Even if one of them he met for the first time less than twenty-four hours ago.
And so, Akira's body does not become tense - it relaxes. Akira's face does not close off - it becomes almost unbearably soft.]
...You know them. You know both of them, don't you?
[His voice is soft, too - relieved. Maybe just a little bit sad, if one were to really listen hard for it.
His death grip on the mug loosens, and he straightens out of where he'd slouched against the counter as he was startled. The heat on the stove is turned off, at least for now.]
You're right. I'd like to know your name.
[His fingers still itch with the desire to clean, there's a mess there- but he waits. Akira forces himself to wait, just for a moment, because he wants to look at him when he says his name.]
[Eren has been told that Akira is a "good" person. He supposes he has no reason to doubt that - perhaps, logically, realizes that he had no hand in forgetting Maruki, and yet...
[He did forget him, didn't he? And, so, he may be a "good" person, and he may be a "friend" to Maruki, but he's no friend of Eren's.
[And Eren's never particularly given much of a shit who's "good" or "bad".
[His face does not soften. His voice does not sound sad.
[Dry. But not hollow. Taunting, almost, for whatever tone it holds at all.]
Eren Jaeger.
Yes. I know them. Very well.
[He doesn't say more yet - let Kurusu do the talking, say what he will. Eren's learned to listen first.]
[He did forget him, didn't he? And, so, he may be a "good" person, and he may be a "friend" to Maruki, but he's no friend of Eren's.
[And Eren's never particularly given much of a shit who's "good" or "bad".
[His face does not soften. His voice does not sound sad.
[Dry. But not hollow. Taunting, almost, for whatever tone it holds at all.]
Eren Jaeger.
Yes. I know them. Very well.
[He doesn't say more yet - let Kurusu do the talking, say what he will. Eren's learned to listen first.]
[ Maruki listens.
He stays quiet save for his hunched shoulders heaving with every gasping breath as his body catches up to the millions of miles his mind ran without it. Keeps his face in his hands, the feeling slowly returning as his blood reduces to a simmer. Shame and embarrassment rise up hot and sharp before anything else, but–
Even that is tempered, because Maruki is listening.
He understands how Eren could raze the world. When he first found out about it, he'd felt a lot – shock, terror, despair, an unmistakable curiosity to know more – but he'd never felt a spark of kinship. Not until now, the worst rot of his soul having been laid bare in front of Eren over and over again, accepted and reflected back to him tenfold.
And in the end, it's what he needs to hear. It's more than reassurance, and the words aren't empty. It's very nearly a vow.
A hand against his cheek. He still doesn't lift his head, not until that singular promise echoes, and when he does–
I'll rip apart every last reality there is.
Maruki doesn't doubt it. Not at all.
He exhales, shaking so hard that it catches in his chest. Swipes angrily at each teary eye with the back of his wrist, shaking his head. ]
I haven't forgotten. I won't...
[ He blinks, tries to clear the blurred fog from his eyes. Eren is still a little out of focus without his glasses, and he squints to try to sharpen it, feeling pathetic. Rage propels him when he needs it most, yes, but it also mellows back down into misery the moment the heat gets turned down. ]
You're all I've got, then.
[ It's stated as a simple fact. A confirmation more than anything. No resignation or despair in it – Maruki just wants to reaffirm what he already knows to be true. At times, that's more of a comfort than anything else. ]
He stays quiet save for his hunched shoulders heaving with every gasping breath as his body catches up to the millions of miles his mind ran without it. Keeps his face in his hands, the feeling slowly returning as his blood reduces to a simmer. Shame and embarrassment rise up hot and sharp before anything else, but–
Even that is tempered, because Maruki is listening.
He understands how Eren could raze the world. When he first found out about it, he'd felt a lot – shock, terror, despair, an unmistakable curiosity to know more – but he'd never felt a spark of kinship. Not until now, the worst rot of his soul having been laid bare in front of Eren over and over again, accepted and reflected back to him tenfold.
And in the end, it's what he needs to hear. It's more than reassurance, and the words aren't empty. It's very nearly a vow.
A hand against his cheek. He still doesn't lift his head, not until that singular promise echoes, and when he does–
I'll rip apart every last reality there is.
Maruki doesn't doubt it. Not at all.
He exhales, shaking so hard that it catches in his chest. Swipes angrily at each teary eye with the back of his wrist, shaking his head. ]
I haven't forgotten. I won't...
[ He blinks, tries to clear the blurred fog from his eyes. Eren is still a little out of focus without his glasses, and he squints to try to sharpen it, feeling pathetic. Rage propels him when he needs it most, yes, but it also mellows back down into misery the moment the heat gets turned down. ]
You're all I've got, then.
[ It's stated as a simple fact. A confirmation more than anything. No resignation or despair in it – Maruki just wants to reaffirm what he already knows to be true. At times, that's more of a comfort than anything else. ]
[Eren keeps Maruki's face in his hand. He nods, slow, eyes still locked with that of his dearest, truest, closest, most sacred of friends.
[Despite it all - the pure, violent rage that, only moments ago, filled the windmill - his voice is soft.]
I'm all you've got. You're all I've got.
[Despite it all - the pure, violent rage that, only moments ago, filled the windmill - his voice is soft.]
I'm all you've got. You're all I've got.
[ It's a relief. Shouldn't be, but it is.
He wants to fall backwards. Lay on this dusty floor, stare up at the rafters, and let the world go on without him for a moment.
It should start snowing in Somnius soon, shouldn't it? Time really is a funny thing...
Instead, he tips forward again. Rests himself back into his best friend's arms, head thunking down onto his shoulder, fingers scrabbling against his back to twist in the fabric of his coat. ]
I'm sorry. I know I don't have to apologize, just... let me.
[ Rage begets misery begets exhaustion. There's nothing left now, only emptiness. He could sleep for hours. Maybe he will, before he has to return home and face whatever there is to be faced. ]
He wants to fall backwards. Lay on this dusty floor, stare up at the rafters, and let the world go on without him for a moment.
It should start snowing in Somnius soon, shouldn't it? Time really is a funny thing...
Instead, he tips forward again. Rests himself back into his best friend's arms, head thunking down onto his shoulder, fingers scrabbling against his back to twist in the fabric of his coat. ]
I'm sorry. I know I don't have to apologize, just... let me.
[ Rage begets misery begets exhaustion. There's nothing left now, only emptiness. He could sleep for hours. Maybe he will, before he has to return home and face whatever there is to be faced. ]
[Eren doesn't acknowledge the apology. Maruki asks to be allowed it, so it's allowed, but that's all. Eren takes the man easily back into his arms. His heart still pounds against his chest, full of its own righteous rage, but he tempers it down. He can do that now.]
Just rest a while, now.
There's a space upstairs, when you can make it. [Pillows and blankets that Eren brought up for Aubrey either days, months, or years ago; they should still be there, unless someone else has taken them.]
Just rest a while, now.
There's a space upstairs, when you can make it. [Pillows and blankets that Eren brought up for Aubrey either days, months, or years ago; they should still be there, unless someone else has taken them.]
[ Space upstairs– he doesn't even question it. Just nods. When he can make it. Eren isn't rushing him along; he never has. Maruki is allowed to simply be for the moment, and isn't that the greatest kindness of all?
It's quiet again, until it isn't. ]
He's the same as I remember him, though.
[ Soft, pained– but fond, undeniably so. ]
It isn't his fault. It's either my fault, or it's simply a matter of different realities messing with us. He's the same... That's a relief, at least.
[ Bless him, but he can find the silver lining in anything. ]
Everything I told you about him before is still true. I think you two would get along. I hope you get to know him too.
It's quiet again, until it isn't. ]
He's the same as I remember him, though.
[ Soft, pained– but fond, undeniably so. ]
It isn't his fault. It's either my fault, or it's simply a matter of different realities messing with us. He's the same... That's a relief, at least.
[ Bless him, but he can find the silver lining in anything. ]
Everything I told you about him before is still true. I think you two would get along. I hope you get to know him too.
has a breakdown over a man and then being like "but he's so genuine" GIRL!!!
abandonhumanity
2024-11-14 08:20 am (UTC)(link)
[Eren feels nothing but distaste at Maruki's pitiful endorsement. On some level, he must realize that he'd only say the same about Armin, were the situations reversed; then again, maybe he'd be angry. Maybe he'd be betrayed. Maybe he'd show some of that same rage that Maruki just showed him - Eren hates to know that it's pointed more at himself than anything, but, of course it is...
[He tries to force his voice into something even, but there's a definite edge to it. He keeps a tight hold of his friend.]
I won't interfere. [That's all he can promise right now, and he doesn't mean it one bit.]
[He tries to force his voice into something even, but there's a definite edge to it. He keeps a tight hold of his friend.]
I won't interfere. [That's all he can promise right now, and he doesn't mean it one bit.]
Eren-san, then.
[He nods, takes it in. An unfamiliar-sounding name, but not the hardest to sound out. Eren Jaeger. He'll never forget it.
That tone, though... It's hard to read what it means, not with someone he's only just met. It feels vaguely like a taunt if he had to place it at all, but he understands what that means even less.
Maybe without Morgana, he really is helpless. He hasn't even been here for a whole day, and he already feels too lost for words.]
I need to clean this up, if you don't mind me looking away for a moment. [He's already kneeling down to pick up the pot. If Eren's mad about it, laughs at him for it - either of those are fine. But Akira won't leave Maruki's floors dirty.] But... I'm glad. Both of them need a good friend here.
[In this place where memories are lost, two realities crash and meet... It's a place where you need friends more than ever, Akira thinks.]
[He nods, takes it in. An unfamiliar-sounding name, but not the hardest to sound out. Eren Jaeger. He'll never forget it.
That tone, though... It's hard to read what it means, not with someone he's only just met. It feels vaguely like a taunt if he had to place it at all, but he understands what that means even less.
Maybe without Morgana, he really is helpless. He hasn't even been here for a whole day, and he already feels too lost for words.]
I need to clean this up, if you don't mind me looking away for a moment. [He's already kneeling down to pick up the pot. If Eren's mad about it, laughs at him for it - either of those are fine. But Akira won't leave Maruki's floors dirty.] But... I'm glad. Both of them need a good friend here.
[In this place where memories are lost, two realities crash and meet... It's a place where you need friends more than ever, Akira thinks.]
[ Oh, Maruki hears that edge. It doesn't surprise him, either. He knows Eren like he knows his own soul. He knows how he feels about all the people who have hurt Eren, even if it was entirely unintentional on their part. They're the same, he knows...
It's not something he'll press. Eren can feel however he feels. It won't change the fact that he'll do anything to build a new relationship with this Akira. Eren's words from before still ring true: Akira found him here, so he must need him. No matter how painful it is for Maruki, maybe it was meant to happen this way for both of them.
It also won't change another, much more pertinent fact. Maruki doesn't know if it's something he needs to state outright, but–
It can't hurt.
He picks his head up, leans back enough to be able to look Eren in the eye again. ]
I want to say something important.
[ Before, he'd ask if that was okay, or tell Eren to please hear him. They're not things that need to be done anymore. ]
Even if we manage to become as close as we were back in my reality– or closer, even...
[ It feels impossible, but Maruki knows better than to bet against anything here. He and Akira will go through things that he never could have dreamed of back in Tokyo. Their relationship will be different, inevitably. Maybe stronger. Maybe not. He doesn't know. Either way, though– ]
You're important to me. More than anyone else. [ Words Eren has said to him, repeated firmly, with all the conviction he can grasp through his exhaustion. ] I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality, even.
[ And despite everything that's transpired, despite that horrific well of rage and pain he's put on display for Eren now, despite how miserable the coming days and weeks and months will be as they're put through hell after hell–
Maruki smiles. It's nothing less than entirely genuine. ]
It's special. You are, I mean. Nothing will change that.
It's not something he'll press. Eren can feel however he feels. It won't change the fact that he'll do anything to build a new relationship with this Akira. Eren's words from before still ring true: Akira found him here, so he must need him. No matter how painful it is for Maruki, maybe it was meant to happen this way for both of them.
It also won't change another, much more pertinent fact. Maruki doesn't know if it's something he needs to state outright, but–
It can't hurt.
He picks his head up, leans back enough to be able to look Eren in the eye again. ]
I want to say something important.
[ Before, he'd ask if that was okay, or tell Eren to please hear him. They're not things that need to be done anymore. ]
Even if we manage to become as close as we were back in my reality– or closer, even...
[ It feels impossible, but Maruki knows better than to bet against anything here. He and Akira will go through things that he never could have dreamed of back in Tokyo. Their relationship will be different, inevitably. Maybe stronger. Maybe not. He doesn't know. Either way, though– ]
You're important to me. More than anyone else. [ Words Eren has said to him, repeated firmly, with all the conviction he can grasp through his exhaustion. ] I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality, even.
[ And despite everything that's transpired, despite that horrific well of rage and pain he's put on display for Eren now, despite how miserable the coming days and weeks and months will be as they're put through hell after hell–
Maruki smiles. It's nothing less than entirely genuine. ]
It's special. You are, I mean. Nothing will change that.
Start talking, then. You're already wasting my time.
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