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Gray eyes narrow, lips curling.
"Yeah, bet you'd like that," he sneers, looking down at Eren. Perhaps there's a hint of something real there, but the brat seems determined to stay locked on the other side of his pathetic attempt to egg him on.
"'f I'm being honest, I would too. Would like nothing more than to kick you around until all your shitty teeth fall out and then wait for them to regrow and do it all over again." He begins to pace slowly around him, grass soft beneath his feet.
"Maybe I could just pull every fucking pathetic bone from your body and grind you into dust over and over again, since you'll just fucking come back every time while we're here."
When he reaches Eren's head, he stops. The anger is still visible in his gaze, but so is that pain and anguish and disappointment.
"Unfortunately for both of us, I have more important things to do than to spend all my time being the tool of whatever punishment you think you deserve."
"Yeah, bet you'd like that," he sneers, looking down at Eren. Perhaps there's a hint of something real there, but the brat seems determined to stay locked on the other side of his pathetic attempt to egg him on.
"'f I'm being honest, I would too. Would like nothing more than to kick you around until all your shitty teeth fall out and then wait for them to regrow and do it all over again." He begins to pace slowly around him, grass soft beneath his feet.
"Maybe I could just pull every fucking pathetic bone from your body and grind you into dust over and over again, since you'll just fucking come back every time while we're here."
When he reaches Eren's head, he stops. The anger is still visible in his gaze, but so is that pain and anguish and disappointment.
"Unfortunately for both of us, I have more important things to do than to spend all my time being the tool of whatever punishment you think you deserve."
[Levi's words are vicious. He recalls more tender ones. Somewhere among all the chaos, there is nearly a year's worth of memories in this place. Levi ceased to be his Captain and became something else. Eren felt a connection between them that he'd never even considered possible.
[It's clear that that's been shattered. He won't show his face again. He isn't entitled to Levi's affection. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't fault Levi for any of this. And he won't insert himself into his life.
[So, he just waits. There's not one word he could say as a balm. There's not one move he could make to bridge this gap. Levi hates him. He should. It's what Eren always expected.
[Slumped over, sitting on his ass in the garden. If Levi has more to say, Eren will let him have it. If not, he'll start to stand. He can't help but brace himself to be kicked back down.]
[It's clear that that's been shattered. He won't show his face again. He isn't entitled to Levi's affection. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't fault Levi for any of this. And he won't insert himself into his life.
[So, he just waits. There's not one word he could say as a balm. There's not one move he could make to bridge this gap. Levi hates him. He should. It's what Eren always expected.
[Slumped over, sitting on his ass in the garden. If Levi has more to say, Eren will let him have it. If not, he'll start to stand. He can't help but brace himself to be kicked back down.]
Levi hasn't forgotten, and he isn't done. If he was truly severing himself from Eren, he'd turn around and walk away, leave him to his own moping or whatever the hell this display is meant to be.
"Get up," he snaps. "Even when you were a sobbing, snotty brat you weren't this fucking pathetic."
Because while it would feel good to beat the shit out of something and ease some of the pressure that's been building for weeks now, Eren simply allowing it like some kind of damned martyr immediately erased all appeal. Like fuck is he going to give him the satisfaction of feeling that pain when he asks for it. Not after what he did.
For what?
He waits until Eren gets to his full height, and glowers at him, arms crossed over his chest. An audible muttering under his breath sounds like something about all of the brats getting so damned tall.
"You said you wanted to see me, so if you've got something t'say, spit it out."
"Get up," he snaps. "Even when you were a sobbing, snotty brat you weren't this fucking pathetic."
Because while it would feel good to beat the shit out of something and ease some of the pressure that's been building for weeks now, Eren simply allowing it like some kind of damned martyr immediately erased all appeal. Like fuck is he going to give him the satisfaction of feeling that pain when he asks for it. Not after what he did.
For what?
He waits until Eren gets to his full height, and glowers at him, arms crossed over his chest. An audible muttering under his breath sounds like something about all of the brats getting so damned tall.
"You said you wanted to see me, so if you've got something t'say, spit it out."
[It is pathetic. He knows it is. It isn't a display, though. He's simply at a loss. All of the emotions that raged inside of Eren before still do now, just numbed, easier to control. He stands up when Levi asks. He can't give him the response he's looking for, though. He doesn't know what that is.
[Would it have been better not to come at all? Eren didn't have anything to say. He needed to make himself known and accept whatever consequence that brought.
[No one could blame Levi for thinking that Eren's intentions are ill, but they aren't.]
I wanted to see you.
That's all.
[Would it have been better not to come at all? Eren didn't have anything to say. He needed to make himself known and accept whatever consequence that brought.
[No one could blame Levi for thinking that Eren's intentions are ill, but they aren't.]
I wanted to see you.
That's all.
The almost empty answer catches him in a crux of complex feelings once again. Little had ever been simple about Eren's existence in his life. It seems that nothing ever will be, now.
For a reason without much purpose, Levi feels confused and off guard, yet not even so very far beneath the surface understands perhaps better than most. Despite the unforgivable thing that he's done, Eren still sought him out...perhaps for what he assumes to be the last time, perhaps knowing he could be met with scorn and rejection and the power of Levi's fury. Given what they've become, transcending captain and subordinate, it seems to almost particularly twist them together even more.
He understands. But it's not enough to overcome everything else. Not now.
Levi just looks at him, expression hard and unchanging, but there's an old, bottomless ache in his eyes, and a question he's never been able to understand:
"Couldn't you have just not trampled the whole fucking world?"
For a reason without much purpose, Levi feels confused and off guard, yet not even so very far beneath the surface understands perhaps better than most. Despite the unforgivable thing that he's done, Eren still sought him out...perhaps for what he assumes to be the last time, perhaps knowing he could be met with scorn and rejection and the power of Levi's fury. Given what they've become, transcending captain and subordinate, it seems to almost particularly twist them together even more.
He understands. But it's not enough to overcome everything else. Not now.
Levi just looks at him, expression hard and unchanging, but there's an old, bottomless ache in his eyes, and a question he's never been able to understand:
"Couldn't you have just not trampled the whole fucking world?"
[Eren stares at Levi for a long time. The changes in his expression are microscopic - a tightening of the lips, and a pulse in his throat when he clenches his jaw.
[There's no way to answer that question. It could never satisfy them. They could never understand. Eren can't blame them for that.
[The answer is "no". There was no other scenario in which Eren did not destroy eighty percent of humanity. A thousand lifetimes and a thousand more timelines, and Eren never could bring about another result.
[As soon as he held that power, there was nothing more that could be done.
[What's more, he wanted to.
[But there's no use in saying so. What's done is done. He doesn't expect to be forgiven. It's time to walk away.]
I'll leave now. I won't interfere beyond this.
[Let that be that. He does turn to go. His words are true. He has no intention of making himself an unwanted presence in Levi's life. Levi is content here. Let him be.
[Eren's lost the right to cherishing their time.]
[There's no way to answer that question. It could never satisfy them. They could never understand. Eren can't blame them for that.
[The answer is "no". There was no other scenario in which Eren did not destroy eighty percent of humanity. A thousand lifetimes and a thousand more timelines, and Eren never could bring about another result.
[As soon as he held that power, there was nothing more that could be done.
[What's more, he wanted to.
[But there's no use in saying so. What's done is done. He doesn't expect to be forgiven. It's time to walk away.]
I'll leave now. I won't interfere beyond this.
[Let that be that. He does turn to go. His words are true. He has no intention of making himself an unwanted presence in Levi's life. Levi is content here. Let him be.
[Eren's lost the right to cherishing their time.]
[ He tries not to bring her up too much, but he doesn't want to pretend as if she was never here, either. ]
What if I drew you? Properly, not a little sketch.
When you leave, eventually, I'll have a picture of you, then. Not just a photo.
What if I drew you? Properly, not a little sketch.
When you leave, eventually, I'll have a picture of you, then. Not just a photo.
[Despite the warning of his ease, it’s a surprise. For all that’s happened, he still wants to carry her. Eren asks how he could ever walk away, and Aubrey’s reminded acutely that she’s so often been the one turning away from him. Is that giving up or letting go?
[For now, she holds on to him. Maybe the rest doesn’t matter. He’s here now, and he’ll go when the fight is done, and they don’t have a breath left to waste.
[Aubrey can’t answer with anything they don’t already know, so she kisses him again. Slow. Indulgent, maybe. Wraps her legs around his waist and clings, parting with a soft] I love you.
[I’ll miss you.]
So much…
To put it simply, yes, but it's manufactured. I've already told you how I was an unwanted child. To move away from that image requires careful cultivation of everything I do. How I dress, what I eat, how I walk, how I look, what I say and the tone it's said in, interaction with others and who I'm seen speaking to -
[Moving up the hill, and to the side - they aren't going up, but they are moving around the forested edge. A slower clip, a quieter route.]
One mistake - small or large, and it's over. Those with a natural gift lack that rigid line. I have to say, I'm envious.
[Moving up the hill, and to the side - they aren't going up, but they are moving around the forested edge. A slower clip, a quieter route.]
One mistake - small or large, and it's over. Those with a natural gift lack that rigid line. I have to say, I'm envious.
[Having to live that way, maybe Akechi never did have a chance at being a genuine person. It's something that Eren has considered before; doesn't make him any less eager to bring out what authenticity he can.
[He'd like nothing more than to free him, really.]
I'd never considered myself that type of person, but I suppose there's no point in denying it now. It became useful enough. Cultivated or otherwise, I'm sure you can understand the advantages.
That being said...
There are times when you have a certain presence too.
[He'd like nothing more than to free him, really.]
I'd never considered myself that type of person, but I suppose there's no point in denying it now. It became useful enough. Cultivated or otherwise, I'm sure you can understand the advantages.
That being said...
There are times when you have a certain presence too.
[Eren feels embittered - thinks to himself that Jean probably would rather remember him than have him close. It's an unfair thought, maybe, but it crosses his mind nonetheless.]
You'd value that more?
I suppose it makes sense. We aren't used to things like photos. They still seem strange to me even now.
I'd let you. If you wanted.
You'd value that more?
I suppose it makes sense. We aren't used to things like photos. They still seem strange to me even now.
I'd let you. If you wanted.
[Eren weighs that consideration for a moment; comes up with this:]
I think "positive" depends on who you're asking.
I think "positive" depends on who you're asking.
[Eren lets that silent encroach for a moment. He keeps his eyes on Akechi's, dark as they are in this dim light.]
For me? It's what I want.
Your presence. The you that others think they know doesn't interest me.
For me? It's what I want.
Your presence. The you that others think they know doesn't interest me.
[Eren breathes in Aubrey's words. It's been so long since he said them himself. What comes instead is a whispered:]
I do...
[Because he does. He loves her desperately, painfully, wretchedly. It can't go unspoken. He offers that soft assurance again - I do - whispered between melancholy kisses.
[He's not particularly concerned with any audience they might have. It's early enough that there aren't that many people around. It's easy enough to shift Aubrey into his arms like a bride and start walking toward the farm. She's not the type that needs to be carried, really, but he doesn't want to let go.]
I do...
[Because he does. He loves her desperately, painfully, wretchedly. It can't go unspoken. He offers that soft assurance again - I do - whispered between melancholy kisses.
[He's not particularly concerned with any audience they might have. It's early enough that there aren't that many people around. It's easy enough to shift Aubrey into his arms like a bride and start walking toward the farm. She's not the type that needs to be carried, really, but he doesn't want to let go.]
A photo is good. But there's something special about a drawing. You put a part of yourself into it, and it reflects what you love most about the person.
I'd rather just have you. But can you truthfully say you wouldn't leave this place if you had a chance?
I don't want to hold you back. So instead, I'll draw you.
I'd rather just have you. But can you truthfully say you wouldn't leave this place if you had a chance?
I don't want to hold you back. So instead, I'll draw you.
[No, Eren can't truthfully say he wouldn't want to stay in this place. He wouldn't lie about it either. Anyone who asks would get the same answer. The brief period of time where he considered something different was based entirely on fear. He isn't made for walls.]
I hadn't brought up leaving. If you want to draw me, you can.
I get it.
[Plenty of people have left them behind. He gets it. He just knows that it will be a relief once he is gone for good.]
Just tell me what to do.
I hadn't brought up leaving. If you want to draw me, you can.
I get it.
[Plenty of people have left them behind. He gets it. He just knows that it will be a relief once he is gone for good.]
Just tell me what to do.
Eren.
I know I don't know you the best, but I do know you. I love you as you are. You fought with Mikasa, once, about last names. You thought we'd be happier if you were gone and we could be together.
We weren't. We told you we missed you and that's why we wanted to be with you here.
Come over when you can. I'll be in our room.
I know I don't know you the best, but I do know you. I love you as you are. You fought with Mikasa, once, about last names. You thought we'd be happier if you were gone and we could be together.
We weren't. We told you we missed you and that's why we wanted to be with you here.
Come over when you can. I'll be in our room.
[Jean's reassurances seem to come out of nowhere. Eren hasn't exactly been forthcoming with his feelings lately. He feels nearly cornered, confused. He doesn't bother responding. He isn't doing much, so he heads back to the farmhouse. When he steps through the bedroom door, he looks half-annoyed, uncertain. He closes it behind him.]
What's gotten into you?
What's gotten into you?
I want to draw?
[ He's playing a little obtuse, a sketchbook sitting on his lap with a pencil. He tilts his head at Eren, giving him a half annoyed look in turn. ]
You're the one who offered to pose.
[ He's playing a little obtuse, a sketchbook sitting on his lap with a pencil. He tilts his head at Eren, giving him a half annoyed look in turn. ]
You're the one who offered to pose.
[Eh...?
[Eren...blinks.]
You meant right now. [Statement, not question, but also? A question?]
I just...stand here?
[Eren...blinks.]
You meant right now. [Statement, not question, but also? A question?]
I just...stand here?
[ Sarcastically: ] Unless you're busy.
[ He shifts over, patting the bed where the sunbeam hits it. ]
I won't make you stand that long, come lay down. It'll be easier on you, and you can rest a while.
[ He shifts over, patting the bed where the sunbeam hits it. ]
I won't make you stand that long, come lay down. It'll be easier on you, and you can rest a while.
[It feels sudden - casual conversation converted to action. Eren hadn't thought too deeply about the could-be portrait session. It's a uniquely exposing feeling. He feels awkward, uncertain; hesitates at the door in a stalled fluster, then comes inside and sits on the bed. He kicks off his shoes, then takes off his coat and his shirt. Jean can make fun of him for showing off his abs all he wants, but if he's going to be drawn, he wants to look...good.]
How am I supposed to lay?
How am I supposed to lay?
[ Jean seized on the idea; this likely won't be the drawing he actually keeps, given he'd just denigrated his own drawing skill. But seeing Eren the tiniest bit flustered, it feels worth it to have asked.
His gaze rakes over Eren - because while Jean should make fun of him, he cuts an attractive figure. He keeps his hands in his metaphorical pants, though.
He almost says Eren doesn't need to pose, can lay however he feels - but then he reconsiders. Maybe that gives the impression he doesn't care. Instead, he offers: ]
Lay like you would if we were talking face to face in the bed.
His gaze rakes over Eren - because while Jean should make fun of him, he cuts an attractive figure. He keeps his hands in his metaphorical pants, though.
He almost says Eren doesn't need to pose, can lay however he feels - but then he reconsiders. Maybe that gives the impression he doesn't care. Instead, he offers: ]
Lay like you would if we were talking face to face in the bed.
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