abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

Why? Is it making you angry?

[He'll stay, in that case.]

[This close to answering, but.]

[Flatly, still quickly:] No. I was gonna spare your dignity.

[She tries to stomp him in the crotch.]

[Thank God for whatever instincts the military drilled into him that allowed him to avoid that stomp just now. Still, he's just a man. His hands are protectively cupping the area in question when he glares back up at Aubrey, all traces of humor gone from his face.

[He stands up.]

You're worse than a child. If you want to hurt me, then throw a punch. Talk about dignity.

[He spreads his arms out.]

I won't stop you.

[As soon as Eren starts to stand Aubrey goes back to plan 1. Which was indeed to punch him in the face.]

[He’ll probably dodge or catch it but it’s getting her all anyway. She’s not listening to the rest.]

[He's a little surprised that she's trying to punch him before he can even give her permission (takes a little bit of the satisfaction out of the whole thing, honestly), but it doesn't exactly come as a shock, either. He trapped her here just so he could laugh in her face; he'd want to punch him too. And he can take a punch in the face easy. So, he lets her. It'll probably hurt her hand a lot more than it'll hurt his face (or so he assumes).

[She packs a harder punch than he was expecting, all things considered. He moves with the punch, as you do when taking a hit like that - it can cause him to look a little more affected by the blow than he actually is, but it halves the pain and keeps bones unbroken.

[It's hard not to start laughing again. There's a ghost of a smile on his lips.

[When's the last time he felt like this?]

How did that feel?

[Congratulations to Aubrey, for officially earning her bullying beat-em-up stripes. It is a hollow, miserable quote-unquote-“victory,” and now her hand (the same one she threw at the buttons, ever-thoughtfully) really fucking hurts.]

[There are hot tears down her face before Eren can grin. Because, hey, he hasn’t seen angry-crying yet! Just throw a real tantrum, he’ll love it! What kind of batshit extremes will he get to see next?!

[In lieu of a verbal answer, Aubrey wipes furiously at her face, sits back (more of a stumble, for extra patheticness) at the nearest corner, and stays there, fuming still.]

[He should’ve let her die. He should’ve killed her. God, if he really hates her so bad, she wishes he would just cut to th—]

Ding!

“You have reached a destination. All passengers prepare to answer the following question:”

[That gets her to look up. The fuck kind of an elevator is this.]

[The voice is startling. Bear in mind that they don't have intercom systems like this where Eren comes from. His eyes go up when Aubrey's do, brow pinching together in impatient confusion. He doesn't notice his hand coming up to hover in front of Aubrey.

[The voice returns, saccharine.]

"Why did you save Aubrey's life?"

[Silence. Eren's eyes shift to look at Aubrey. "All passengers" his ass. Like he's going to answer a question like that just because some weird, disembodied voice tells him to--]

I don't want her to die.

[“All passengers,” right.... Aubrey swats at his hand like it’s the world’s most annoying fuckoff-huge bug. His staring, too, is filtered through her misery coma, and god, does she really want to hear more of his nonsense right now? (Does she ever?)]

Bull… bullshit. I don’t believe you. [Hey, hey, wait, why’s she choking that out—] You’re making me want to die.

[It’s not an accusation and she immediately buries her face again. Why did she say that?!]

[Making her want to die...?

[Eren can tell that it's the truth. He shouldn't be surprised by it; he's not, really, but it's still...bizarrely difficult to swallow, for some reason...All that work for nothing? No, it isn't that.

["I don't want her to die."

[Do they all feel that way? It only makes sense now; surely, they must...]

I'm not lying to you. [Why is he saying that? Why bother saying that at all?]

I'd do it again.

Good.

[What the hell is going on?!]

I hope you would.

[Okay! Okay! Fine! If her voice won’t obey then she’ll trust her face for a change, and she tries to convey to Eren that…]

[Wait. He doesn’t look like he’s kidding at all. Not like Aubrey’s ever been good at faking—]

“Do you feel that way, too?”

No shit. I’d save his life, too, if I could.

[Eren feels dread. "I'd save his life, too, if I could." It's an all too familiar sentiment. It makes him feel sick. He doesn't deserve it; not from Aubrey, not from anyone.

[He doesn't want to be saved. And he doesn't want to care about anyone else. He just wants to rest.]

I wish I hated you.

"Do you hate her?"

[He tries to make his voice sound as cold as possible; it's a thin attempt.]

No.

Hard to believe that. [The… the “no,” not the first part. Saying this feels less forced, somehow—even as that too-familiar weight comes surging back.]

“Do you want to hate him?”

No! [She thought this was obvious. Face punch and all, no mixed signals here at all.] God, no, I don’t. It’d hurt less if I did.

[It’s strange. The tone doesn’t feel as forced. But there it is, all desparation on buzzing, metallic display.]

[This time, Eren asks a question before the voice on the intercom can.]

What reason have I given you to care about me?

[The voice interrupts:]

"Have you forgotten your kindness in the barracks?"

[Eren hesitates. "It wasn't--" But it...was, wasn't it?

[His words feel more forced than ever - in that they're forcing themselves out of his mouth.]

I...haven't.

"Have you, Aubrey?"

[Aubrey starts to answer before the intercom’s interruption; she’s not sure if it was her or this forced truth speaking.]

[She doesn’t interrupt.
It… was kindness.

[“Have you, Aubrey?”
She feels like sobbing again.]

Of course I haven’t. I… I never will.

“Did it start there?”

[Seems this place can draw out truths she hasn’t even thought about yet.] …No.

“Did yours, Eren?”

[Did his what? Eren doesn’t even fully understand the question, and yet, he answers, and he knows it’s true.]

It started when I saw she was in danger.

[The beginning of a kindness that she’ll never forget? What has he done…?]

[Damn. Should’ve never tried to get away, then.]

I don’t deserve that. [It threatens to get caught in her throat; it’s anyone’s guess how it doesn’t, even as she covers her mouth.] I’ve never deserved any of your attention.

[Maybe it started when he just… listened to her.]

[His voice is surprisingly quiet, in a muttering sort of way.]

My attention shouldn’t be something that you want…

[He’s so…disoriented by what’s happening that he can’t even force himself to go cold. He feels like a child, having their ear pinched, being told to "Tell the truth, Eren."]

”How did you feel when Eren showed up to save you, Aubrey?”

H-hah… [She’s not allowed to say she doesn’t want it.] But here we are.

[Is the look on Eren’s face… familiar? Through blurred vision and all.... If he starts shaking again, Aubrey’s actually going to lose it.]

[How did she feel about that?]

Confused. Terrified. A-at first. [Was there room for much else? In the moment....]

[But that can’t be what the question’s asking.] Relieved. Cared for. [Decidedly not looking Eren’s way anymore.] Wanted.

“How did you feel watching her drop, Eren?”

[Eren takes a deep breath. The memory eats away at him from the inside. It’s such a familiar feeling; Hell, sometimes it seems like this very thing is all he truly feels.]

I was pissed. I wanted to bring that thing back just to tear it to shreds again.

[But…that isn’t all.]

I was afraid.

”Afraid of what?”

[Another slow breath. He’s trying to keep his cool.]

Aubrey isn’t like me.

I was afraid she would die. I wanted her to live.

[And so they’ve come full circle.]

[Aubrey doesn’t know what to say. Eren knows exactly how she feels about that decision and then some. He makes it sound straightforward now, easy—like his last comment before this place wasn’t like pulling teeth.]

[They really are stuck with each other, aren’t they?]

[She wants to smack him, make him stop talking. She knows she wouldn’t have it in her. She wants to hug him, thank him for everything. And she still, still, still doesn’t want to let go.]

“Why do you care? Really?”

[Seems that one’s for them both.]

I don’t want to be alone again. [It’s the quietest admission yet, from her.] Maybe that’s selfish. [She feels cold.] Maybe I don’t care if it is.

Edited (-rereads tag with awake brain- was overly vague again) 2023-10-01 16:43 (UTC)

[Eren listens. To think that someone like him could be the makeshift rememdy to someone's loneliness. It feels profoundly wrong. Not that Eren's any stranger to manipulating people, lying, causing arm; it still feels wrong. Not in a moral way - not entirely - just...wrong. They shouldn't fit together. He's not fit to be anyone's company, much less their only source.

[It's a matter of respect that he doesn't pry into what she's said. He merely nods, eyes on the buttons of the elevator, not Aubrey.

[Then, it's his turn to speak.]

I don't know why I care about you.

[For the first time since these questions have started, he's addressing Aubrey - "you," not "her". He still isn't looking at her.]

I've never been good at controlling that sort of thing.

[There is some real honesty. Something about his voice sounds...pained.]

I saw you dying. I'd have done anything to save you. Like you were one of my comrades.

But I don't know why. It doesn't make sense.

[A glance in her direction.]

It isn't that you're terrible. I'm not trying to insult you. I'm just telling you the truth.

[At first she thinks he’s bluffing. How can he not… know? They’re similar, aren’t they? Aubrey might be slow to trust at best, but when she does it’s hard and fast and it burns. Keeping distant hasn’t changed that; it just delays the inevitable. She doesn’t need to have a near-death experience to know that, to feel that.

[She can’t control it. Look where pretending not to care got her, got Basil. Got her and Eren, time and time and time again, in a buzzing box in purgatory.]

None taken. [That doesn’t feel compelled at all. Aubrey isn’t compelled to meet his pain, to study him with an intense, profound quiet that she did as he slept by her side. She’s not compelled to grip at her own arm like she’s grasping for a pulse.

[She does, anyway.] Really. I think…

[She knows. It might be the most damning thing of all.] …it didn’t have to be you.

[Eren looks at her. He looks human. His expression is genuinely perplexed, eyebrows scrunched over green-blue eyes.]

What do you mean?

[He doesn't understand the sentiment, but...there's something about it that he doesn't like. "It didn't have to be you." The one that saved her? The one that she cares about?

[He wants to be those things.]

[Something gives Aubrey the sense she should tread carefully. Maybe it’s Eren Jaeger, looking human as he ever has.

[But none of this has ever made any real sense, has it? She just speaks from the heart, as if it’s ever been possible not to.]

You didn’t have to talk to me. You didn’t have to save me.

You’re not completely terrible. [An echo of a smile, a joke.] But… come on.

I felt like I had no one. [The smile drops and her focus strays, empty, somewhere towards the wall past Eren.] It’s really pathetic....

[Not intentionally evasive. She thinks this is obvious enough.]

[Something inside of Eren bristles. He thinks about what might have happened if someone else had been there instead. What Eren feels is illogical. If he'd never talked to Aubrey, he wouldn't care less whether she lived or died; but he did talk to Aubrey, and he does care, and she is his problem, no one else's, and that's how it should be--

[Why? Why does he feel this way? When did this begin?]

You did have no one. It did have to be me.

[His expression has fallen back into vague irritation. His voice sounds tight.

[He doesn't stop to consider the deeper implications of the statement; he doesn't stop to think about how it makes him sound like some foolish hero, swooping in to protect any weak and lonely person he meets. That's never quite been Eren. But he will save his friends...He will nurse a comrade back to health in a freezing barracks.

[It did have to be him, because he's who was there, and he's who Aubrey met, and he's the one who trapped her in this strange, buzzing box because he couldn't stand to watch her walk away.]

You wish it had been someone else?

[Yeah. He bets she does...]

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