abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[Their final salute. A blade runs itself through Levi's stomach and back out the other side. That moment wasn't meant for anyone else, least of all Eren's Jaeger's delusional bride. Anger makes the surface of his skin prickle with goosebumps, like a dog with its hide bristling.

[But his voice is calm - clipped, but calm.]

Those people mattered, Jae-- [He hates that name. He never wants to utter it again.] Aubrey.

The people whose lives he took, whose homes he destroyed - they mattered. Their lives mattered. They had people who loved them. They had shit left to do.

A swift kick in the ribs is a small price to pay.

[She bites her tongue, physically. The faceless number is a bit less faceless now. Loss isn’t a stranger to her; to any of them, really, much as the scale shifts.

[That it matters has never been—should never be—up for question.]

[Aubrey is quiet for a while; a surrender, in silence. She would’ve agreed in a heartbeat, once. Yet Eren’s breathing is steady, and if she lost him again....

[Ever the contradiction. Maybe that’s atonement, a new kind of pain; not the dread of what he’ll do, but the reckoning with what he’s done. Love didn’t change his actions; his actions haven’t changed the love.

[She watches him sleep, for a while. It’s so dark....]

[Finally, to Levi:] Sorry.
[Soft, and somehow more pathetic out loud. But true.]

[An apology from a scolded child. It's never been something he takes pleasure in.

[Whoever she is, she's been fully consumed by Eren at this point - maybe more so than anyone, considering he's not the Ackerman who actually wants to be by Eren's side. Maybe he should commend Mikasa on her restraint when he sees her next.

[Either way, it's not Aubrey's apology to make.

[Levi's tempted to think that Eren's apology wouldn't matter - in a lot of ways, that's true. But it would mean something - something, at least.

[Sometimes he still can't believe that they actually lost him.]

Listen. [It's a concession of its own.]

I can't promise you that I won't kill your husband. As you know, he left us with very little choice the first time.

But as long as he's sleeping like that, there's no need to. [It doesn't look like he'll be waking up any time soon.] Believe it or not, I'd take an opportunity to talk to him face to face first.

That was always on the table.

[A memory, or a dream - a combination thereof. Eren, so small that he has to stand on a stack of boxes just to see over the crowd. The Scouts are marching through Shiganshina, war torn, but with their heads held high. A man on horseback, small, with a bleak expression. Humanity's deadliest weapon.

[Eren Jaeger's breath is young and full of wonder. He tugs on the girl beside him's sleeve and points.

["That's him, Mikasa! Look! That's Captain Levi!"]

[What a memory. Just how much transpired between that and Levi calling him pathetic…?]

[It’s so jarring, so sudden, that Aubrey just about forgets what Levi said before then. The leftover sentiment is clear enough, though; Levi wasn’t the one who forced the issue. He doesn’t want to be, maybe.]

…Yeah. Yeah, it’s—

He doesn’t want to leave here, again. [And yet, he sleeps.] I think he’ll talk.

[I’ll make sure he does. So much more firm than anything out loud.]

[When the memory plays, Levi sits up straight, eying Eren with a sharp glare, as if he might sit up straight himself.

[He doesn't like this. Not one bit. Kids idolize The Scouts all the time. He's well aware of that. But Eren was different - different in so very many, very ugly ways. It's jarring to learn that he idolized Levi from such a young age. Levi might have guessed as much based on his eagerness as a young Scout, but it does nothing to soothe the sting.

[He met Eren when Eren was only fifteen. He watched him grow. He taught him everything he knew. He tried to do it correctly. He tried to prevent the monster that he knew Eren was from realizing its full power.

["We failed him."

[Boy, if that's ever a thought he wish he could shake from his fucked up head. They aren't to blame for this; and yet, he knows that, in some ways, they are. For fuck's sake, they took a child and made him humanity's only hope. They did nothing to protect him. They did nothing to soothe him.

[Levi looks paler, somehow, even in the darkness.]

You think you've managed to leash him? [His voice is weak, far away. He's still staring at Eren.

[Warning her will do nothing. Nothing. "You need to be careful," he considers saying. And it's useless. It's all useless.]

You saw what I just saw, right?

[Now, raising his voice a bit:]

Hey, brat. You're dreaming about me now? How embarrassing.

[Eren doesn't awaken - but, slowly, his right hand curls into a fist over his heart.]

Bastard.

[Levi sees it. All at once, he feels like he's about to vomit. Does a pretty good job of a choking it back, all things considered.

[To the other Jaeger now:]

Sleeping like that - I'm guessing that's not normal? [His voice is as sharp as a knife.]

Edited (JUST ONE MORE THING) 2023-11-21 23:30 (UTC)

[There’s not much that Aubrey knows about Eren’s history with the Scouts, age aside. He’s never talked (or thought or remembered, to her awareness) ill of them. Levi’s thought, the falter of his resolve, is more of a surprise than the memory.]

[The fist, too.]

Mm. Definitely not. [It is a wonder the kicking didn’t do it.] We don’t get to sleep here much. And I think I saw his dream before, earlier, but then—

[Why did he change? Why did it become real? Even if that was Levi’s influence on him, on the scenery, why won’t Eren wake up?]

That’s another thing about this world. [A very begrudging addition. She tries, already suspecting futility, shaking his shoulder.] You really never know what it’ll do.

I'm not sure nudging him will do any more than cracking his rib did.

I can try again if you want.

[Flatly:] Don’t.

[Real comedian, this one.]

Look… what you said about the leash, it’s not like that. [And yet, the “collar”.] But I will hold him back if I have to. [The function of a leash.]

And for whatever it’s worth, I heard that thought about failing him. He told me about you, in passing… and he does respect you. [If he’s dreaming like that, saluting in his sleep? Probably hasn’t changed a bit.]

[Levi doesn't outwardly scoff, but there's a small breath that leaves him and betrays the impulse. So, Eren respects him, does he? Yeah. That's almost worth laughing at. By all logic, this girl should understand exactly how ridiculous she sounds, and yet, here she is, talking about shit she knows nothing about.]

I have no use for a demon's respect.

[Gonna go ahead and skip right over the "failing him" bit. This universe can share whatever it wants with whoever it wants - doesn't mean Levi is volunteering himself to talk about it.]

You won't endear me to Eren Jaeger, Aubrey. [Somehow, despite all odds, he's done well enough to accomplish that himself.] I'm not in love with him, I'm not one of his friends, and I'm sure as Hell not his family.

[Then - and the lack of coldness in his voice really only makes it worse:]

He was a lousy Scout. We never should have taken him on.

[Eren's body tenses like a spring coiling. The fist over his heart clenches ever tighter. His teeth grit beneath barely parted lips.]

Yeah, I bet that does make you mad.

It's the truth.

Son of a bitch. [Not so much at Levi, but—] He’s listening. [And not because she regrets a word;] What kind of a fucked-up coma is that....

[The adrenaline for panic has long worn off. Levi has every right to hate him. Aubrey is tired. If it wasn’t for Levi she would’ve gotten herself and Eren out of here already, but she’s none too eager to show the Captain the house, the barracks—anywhere, really. And now Eren is just conscious enough to hear and respond without fully waking?

[Bullshit. Is it naive to wonder if there’s a lesson…?]

Levi— You wanted words with him, right? [She can imagine Eren is going to be thrilled about this.] Not like it’ll be much of a talk, but… I doubt he’d try to “endear” himself to you, anyway. Go for it.

[Sorry, Eren. But if it rouses him…]

[Levi's first instinct is to balk at the idea. Looking him in the eye when he talks to him is the least Eren Jaeger could do. It's almost an insult to his pride that Aubrey would even suggest singing him a goddamn lullaby.]

I believe I said "face to face".

[But it's true. Eren is listening. He's a captive - chained, jailed, kidnapped - just like always. God knows he'd turn tail and run if Levi tried to actually get him to have a conversation.]

You goddamn coward.

[All at once, he's speaking to Eren and Eren only.]

It's not enough to tell you good people died for your sake. You already know everything, right?

Your plan to save Paradis ignored the fact that The Rumbling had to start somewhere - but you probably know that too.

[What he might not know...What he should know...]

You should have heard the way Armin screamed when Mikasa brought him your goddamn ugly head.

[A whimper. The fist over his heart uncurls and falls limp. His brow is pinched in pain.]

So, you get it.

[His head is bowed, hair casting a dark shadow over his face. He's still sitting, one hand massaging at his bad knee.]

Those people loved you, Eren. They fought for you. Their whole lives, they fought for you, and you repaid them by bringing everything they fought for to dust.

Respect. You don't know the meaning of the word respect.

Respecting your comrades, their sacrifices - respecting yourself enough to stay alive and face the consequences.

But cowards have no respect. Cowards hide themselves away. Cowards only listen to themselves. Cowards flip the fucking chessboard when they think they can't win.

You're pathetic. You're a pathetic, piece of shit coward who decided his life was over before he could piss standing up.

[Levi speaks it into truth. No one will catch it happen - one moment, he's nineteen, long body curled around Aubrey as she cradles him; the next, he's ten years old again, curled up tight in Aubrey's lap, his little body trembling with fear. Tears squeeze themselves out of tightly shut eyes, running down his cheeks and hitting the dark floor. His little hands reach up to grip tightly at the fabric of Aubrey's shirt, clinging.]

[Levi still hasn't looked up.]

You're a stupid kid.

[There's an edge to his voice now; something pained.]

Barely out of diapers and we're resting the fate of all humanity on your shoulders.

Dammit, Eren.

[A three-fingered fist clenches around nothing.]

Maybe we never would have found what you were looking for. When you realize that, it's time to grow up and face the goddamn facts. There's no excuse for what you've done. There's no atonement.

[Not for Eren, and not for him.]

I told you to live your life with no regrets. [That painful, razor sharp edge hitting its peak.] Dying with them wasn't supposed to be an option.

[There's a pitiful sob. If Levi hadn't yet realized Eren's state, the youngness of the sound would make it obvious. He's still asleep - his eyes haven't opened - but he tugs more tightly on Aubrey's shirt, curls himself in as close as he possibly can. He begs to be held.]

[Something clicks. A hunch, maybe, but—
[If the nightmare made him feel like a helpless Scout again, then Levi’s words cut right to the terrified boy. Eviscerated by words; no weapons, no blood, just righteousness and tears. A decisive slice to the nape, just as ordered.

[And Eren’s clinging to her....]

[He’s ten. He’s just lost his mother, is maybe about to. He might as well be reaching through Aubrey, taking her heart in his hands and wringing it with every cry. She holds him; of course she holds him, arms wrapped around him the way they only can when he’s this small. Dying wasn’t supposed to be an option. Idiot. He’s just a kid....]

[Her own eyes sting. She pulls the boy close, tight, drooping her own head over his with a soft kiss. It’s impossible, everything he’s been through, put others through, done and failed to do and there’s no excuse, no atonement. It’s true. She won’t say it’s okay.

[A pathetic, stupid, selfish coward… The end of the world…
[A child.]

[To him, and him alone: I love you anyway.]

[All that talk about Eren being too young to piss by himself, and now, here he is, a literal child, crying and clinging to the closest thing that feels safe.]

Still running.

[Not man enough to face him, not man enough to stay a man. Levi is exhausted and aching.

[Twelve years old. Twelve years old and they made him a cadet.

[As ever, there are so very many people to blame. And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. Almost all of them are dead now.]

Fine. That's all I have to say. Maybe one day you'll have the balls to say something back.

[To Aubrey:]

What now?

[“Still running.” As if Eren wants to be this vulnerable.]

[“What now?”]
[Aubrey glares. It’s a desperate thing.]

What now? [Her voice cracks on the word.] What now— I don’t know. We live. We talk. We go somewhere else and do it all over again; I don’t. know.

[The glare drops. Still completely fucking useless, at the end of it all… but Eren clinging like this makes her at least feel wanted. Needed. Is that selfish?]

I just… I want him to wake up.

[She pulls him, again. No goddamn kicking. And yet she sounds utterly defeated.]

This can’t be on purpose.

[And here, clearly, a distraught wife who wants nothing more than to see her husband awake and alive once again.

[Yeah. Levi’s seen plenty of those in his time.]

He’s only sleeping. [His voice has lost all of its anger, all of its grief.]

He has a pulse to wake up to.

[Eren Jaeger is alive.]

We wait it out, then.

no subject

no subject

1/2

2/2

no subject

1/2

2/3

3/3

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

2/3 I lied

3/3

no subject

1/??

2/we out here

3/he's not done yet

4/waluigi soundboard

5/one more one more

6/6(/6)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject