abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

I know what a cigarette is.

[He has no idea who would have left them scattered around, though. No one particularly significant comes to mind, although many members of the Paradis military smoke in their off time (the Military Police and Garrison, mostly - Erwin isn't a fan of smoking, and The Scouts tend to realize that).]

Then there are others. Makes more sense than there only being eight, don't you think?

[Sure, he may have spent an embarrassingly long time not realizing that there was an entire world outside of Paradis' walls, but there were still enough people left that they had to worry about rationing food and housing stray children. What kind of world has only eight people? These eight people specifically.

[And if Eren's behind this, why is he pulling some random girl from another world altogether?]

Let me just ask you since I'm sure we're both tired of beating around the bush.

What does Eren have to do with this? Is he using The Founder's power? You know what I mean, don't you?

[Aubrey should really remember more consciously that Levi’s new here. He has no reason to think there wouldn’t be other people around—plenty of them. And she’s about to (try to) be patient with that, until, inevitably, Eren.]

Eren’s just as stuck here as the rest of us. [It doesn’t always feel like “stuck,” sure. But sitting by him as he shows no sign of waking, talking to Levi? “Stuck” feels accurate.] Believe me, he wouldn’t have done this on purpose.

[She remembers him slamming on the elevator like a caged animal.]

[The memory - Eren's tantrum, which he never much liked to show in front of Levi - is startling. It's not just that he's acting like an even more gigantic brat than Levi already knows him to be - it's the fact that he just saw something in his mind that he's sure he wasn't meant to see.

[His lips pull into a tight line. He's in completely uncharted territory.]

Why am I seeing your memories, Jaeger?

[~~Also what were they even standing in?~~]

[~~Even the 21st-century Jaeger doesn’t know where the elevator came from. Hashtag the real mysteries of the universe.~~]

[It takes Aubrey a moment to recognize that Levi is quite possibly addressing her. But even if he’s thinking out loud:]

That can happen. [She’s aware she’s being entirely too nonchalant about this.] Strong memories, even thoughts… [A quick wave of the not-cigarette-holding hand. Boom.] Usually not voluntary.

[Should she mention she’s already received Levi’s multiple times this conversation? Hell, what about the compulsive “games”? It’s amazing how much weird shit Aubrey has gotten sorta-used to.]

[The "Jaeger" was absolutely intended for Aubrey.

[So, the gravity of this Hell increases ten fold. Fantastic. Levi does not look amused (ever, but especially not now).]

What have you seen of mine, then?

[Because that is something he needs to learn how to control right away.]

Don't lie to me.

[Oh boy.] I won’t, I won’t. [Okay:]

Your salute to your comrades. And… [Ah. Now the guilt for being a brat kicks in.]

…that the people you love are dead, because of him. And the people he killed are… well, also people. [Paraphrasing somewhat. It’s more than enough to have her looking away.]

[He deserved the kick, really. Not that Aubrey will offer another opening.]

[Their final salute. A blade runs itself through Levi's stomach and back out the other side. That moment wasn't meant for anyone else, least of all Eren's Jaeger's delusional bride. Anger makes the surface of his skin prickle with goosebumps, like a dog with its hide bristling.

[But his voice is calm - clipped, but calm.]

Those people mattered, Jae-- [He hates that name. He never wants to utter it again.] Aubrey.

The people whose lives he took, whose homes he destroyed - they mattered. Their lives mattered. They had people who loved them. They had shit left to do.

A swift kick in the ribs is a small price to pay.

[She bites her tongue, physically. The faceless number is a bit less faceless now. Loss isn’t a stranger to her; to any of them, really, much as the scale shifts.

[That it matters has never been—should never be—up for question.]

[Aubrey is quiet for a while; a surrender, in silence. She would’ve agreed in a heartbeat, once. Yet Eren’s breathing is steady, and if she lost him again....

[Ever the contradiction. Maybe that’s atonement, a new kind of pain; not the dread of what he’ll do, but the reckoning with what he’s done. Love didn’t change his actions; his actions haven’t changed the love.

[She watches him sleep, for a while. It’s so dark....]

[Finally, to Levi:] Sorry.
[Soft, and somehow more pathetic out loud. But true.]

[An apology from a scolded child. It's never been something he takes pleasure in.

[Whoever she is, she's been fully consumed by Eren at this point - maybe more so than anyone, considering he's not the Ackerman who actually wants to be by Eren's side. Maybe he should commend Mikasa on her restraint when he sees her next.

[Either way, it's not Aubrey's apology to make.

[Levi's tempted to think that Eren's apology wouldn't matter - in a lot of ways, that's true. But it would mean something - something, at least.

[Sometimes he still can't believe that they actually lost him.]

Listen. [It's a concession of its own.]

I can't promise you that I won't kill your husband. As you know, he left us with very little choice the first time.

But as long as he's sleeping like that, there's no need to. [It doesn't look like he'll be waking up any time soon.] Believe it or not, I'd take an opportunity to talk to him face to face first.

That was always on the table.

[A memory, or a dream - a combination thereof. Eren, so small that he has to stand on a stack of boxes just to see over the crowd. The Scouts are marching through Shiganshina, war torn, but with their heads held high. A man on horseback, small, with a bleak expression. Humanity's deadliest weapon.

[Eren Jaeger's breath is young and full of wonder. He tugs on the girl beside him's sleeve and points.

["That's him, Mikasa! Look! That's Captain Levi!"]

[What a memory. Just how much transpired between that and Levi calling him pathetic…?]

[It’s so jarring, so sudden, that Aubrey just about forgets what Levi said before then. The leftover sentiment is clear enough, though; Levi wasn’t the one who forced the issue. He doesn’t want to be, maybe.]

…Yeah. Yeah, it’s—

He doesn’t want to leave here, again. [And yet, he sleeps.] I think he’ll talk.

[I’ll make sure he does. So much more firm than anything out loud.]

[When the memory plays, Levi sits up straight, eying Eren with a sharp glare, as if he might sit up straight himself.

[He doesn't like this. Not one bit. Kids idolize The Scouts all the time. He's well aware of that. But Eren was different - different in so very many, very ugly ways. It's jarring to learn that he idolized Levi from such a young age. Levi might have guessed as much based on his eagerness as a young Scout, but it does nothing to soothe the sting.

[He met Eren when Eren was only fifteen. He watched him grow. He taught him everything he knew. He tried to do it correctly. He tried to prevent the monster that he knew Eren was from realizing its full power.

["We failed him."

[Boy, if that's ever a thought he wish he could shake from his fucked up head. They aren't to blame for this; and yet, he knows that, in some ways, they are. For fuck's sake, they took a child and made him humanity's only hope. They did nothing to protect him. They did nothing to soothe him.

[Levi looks paler, somehow, even in the darkness.]

You think you've managed to leash him? [His voice is weak, far away. He's still staring at Eren.

[Warning her will do nothing. Nothing. "You need to be careful," he considers saying. And it's useless. It's all useless.]

You saw what I just saw, right?

[Now, raising his voice a bit:]

Hey, brat. You're dreaming about me now? How embarrassing.

[Eren doesn't awaken - but, slowly, his right hand curls into a fist over his heart.]

Bastard.

[Levi sees it. All at once, he feels like he's about to vomit. Does a pretty good job of a choking it back, all things considered.

[To the other Jaeger now:]

Sleeping like that - I'm guessing that's not normal? [His voice is as sharp as a knife.]

Edited (JUST ONE MORE THING) 2023-11-21 23:30 (UTC)

[There’s not much that Aubrey knows about Eren’s history with the Scouts, age aside. He’s never talked (or thought or remembered, to her awareness) ill of them. Levi’s thought, the falter of his resolve, is more of a surprise than the memory.]

[The fist, too.]

Mm. Definitely not. [It is a wonder the kicking didn’t do it.] We don’t get to sleep here much. And I think I saw his dream before, earlier, but then—

[Why did he change? Why did it become real? Even if that was Levi’s influence on him, on the scenery, why won’t Eren wake up?]

That’s another thing about this world. [A very begrudging addition. She tries, already suspecting futility, shaking his shoulder.] You really never know what it’ll do.

I'm not sure nudging him will do any more than cracking his rib did.

I can try again if you want.

[Flatly:] Don’t.

[Real comedian, this one.]

Look… what you said about the leash, it’s not like that. [And yet, the “collar”.] But I will hold him back if I have to. [The function of a leash.]

And for whatever it’s worth, I heard that thought about failing him. He told me about you, in passing… and he does respect you. [If he’s dreaming like that, saluting in his sleep? Probably hasn’t changed a bit.]

[Levi doesn't outwardly scoff, but there's a small breath that leaves him and betrays the impulse. So, Eren respects him, does he? Yeah. That's almost worth laughing at. By all logic, this girl should understand exactly how ridiculous she sounds, and yet, here she is, talking about shit she knows nothing about.]

I have no use for a demon's respect.

[Gonna go ahead and skip right over the "failing him" bit. This universe can share whatever it wants with whoever it wants - doesn't mean Levi is volunteering himself to talk about it.]

You won't endear me to Eren Jaeger, Aubrey. [Somehow, despite all odds, he's done well enough to accomplish that himself.] I'm not in love with him, I'm not one of his friends, and I'm sure as Hell not his family.

[Then - and the lack of coldness in his voice really only makes it worse:]

He was a lousy Scout. We never should have taken him on.

[Eren's body tenses like a spring coiling. The fist over his heart clenches ever tighter. His teeth grit beneath barely parted lips.]

Yeah, I bet that does make you mad.

It's the truth.

Son of a bitch. [Not so much at Levi, but—] He’s listening. [And not because she regrets a word;] What kind of a fucked-up coma is that....

[The adrenaline for panic has long worn off. Levi has every right to hate him. Aubrey is tired. If it wasn’t for Levi she would’ve gotten herself and Eren out of here already, but she’s none too eager to show the Captain the house, the barracks—anywhere, really. And now Eren is just conscious enough to hear and respond without fully waking?

[Bullshit. Is it naive to wonder if there’s a lesson…?]

Levi— You wanted words with him, right? [She can imagine Eren is going to be thrilled about this.] Not like it’ll be much of a talk, but… I doubt he’d try to “endear” himself to you, anyway. Go for it.

[Sorry, Eren. But if it rouses him…]

[Levi's first instinct is to balk at the idea. Looking him in the eye when he talks to him is the least Eren Jaeger could do. It's almost an insult to his pride that Aubrey would even suggest singing him a goddamn lullaby.]

I believe I said "face to face".

[But it's true. Eren is listening. He's a captive - chained, jailed, kidnapped - just like always. God knows he'd turn tail and run if Levi tried to actually get him to have a conversation.]

You goddamn coward.

[All at once, he's speaking to Eren and Eren only.]

It's not enough to tell you good people died for your sake. You already know everything, right?

Your plan to save Paradis ignored the fact that The Rumbling had to start somewhere - but you probably know that too.

[What he might not know...What he should know...]

You should have heard the way Armin screamed when Mikasa brought him your goddamn ugly head.

[A whimper. The fist over his heart uncurls and falls limp. His brow is pinched in pain.]

So, you get it.

[His head is bowed, hair casting a dark shadow over his face. He's still sitting, one hand massaging at his bad knee.]

Those people loved you, Eren. They fought for you. Their whole lives, they fought for you, and you repaid them by bringing everything they fought for to dust.

Respect. You don't know the meaning of the word respect.

Respecting your comrades, their sacrifices - respecting yourself enough to stay alive and face the consequences.

But cowards have no respect. Cowards hide themselves away. Cowards only listen to themselves. Cowards flip the fucking chessboard when they think they can't win.

You're pathetic. You're a pathetic, piece of shit coward who decided his life was over before he could piss standing up.

[Levi speaks it into truth. No one will catch it happen - one moment, he's nineteen, long body curled around Aubrey as she cradles him; the next, he's ten years old again, curled up tight in Aubrey's lap, his little body trembling with fear. Tears squeeze themselves out of tightly shut eyes, running down his cheeks and hitting the dark floor. His little hands reach up to grip tightly at the fabric of Aubrey's shirt, clinging.]

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