abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[It’s impossible not to notice his beating heart when his head’s on her lap. Whatever mixed feelings Aubrey might have—lingering on Mari, on anyone’s regrets—seem to get washed away, in the thrill that is Eren’s pulse.]

[She pauses, hands still caressing him, and leans over just a bit to look at him better. Her own pink hair threatens to tangle with his; she nudges it back halfheartedly.]

What I should have said was… I want you to live. I want you to want to live.

Breaking and destroying… what good does that do…?

[Before he died, Eren might have had an answer for that. The truth is, destruction doesn't accomplish anything; secured his friends as heroes to the world, maybe, but at a cost he knows the gravity of. He did it because he wanted to, because he was angry. Every other reason was only an excuse.

[And really, he didn't want to be destroyed either, once it all came down to it.]

You know...

[He closes his eyes again, heavy.]

I told Armin...I didn't want to die.

[A deep breath - a breath.]

In the end, what I really wanted...was only to be with them again.

[It makes sense. The way he and Armin threw themselves at each other; how he and Mikasa held each other; even with Reiner, laughing and reminiscing.]

[He had to die—made it so he had to die—to even get a chance at it… and yet, all the while, no one ever truly left, did they?]

[Long gone are the days when Aubrey might’ve used that to bite at him, the hypocrisy of it all. It’s nothing he doesn’t already know. But even if it wasn’t…]

We’re all here now.

[In lieu of a kiss, she pulls a blanket from over the back of the couch and drapes it over Eren’s shoulders, best she can one-handed. The other stays by his head. His heart might be beating, but he looks cold, curled up like this.]

You’ll see them again soon.

Yeah...

I know. [A peaceful concession. The blanket around his shoulders brings comfort he can't describe. It's an act of love, he knows, for the others in his life who have done the same.

[He turns his head upward just a bit, just enough to look at her. His eyes are searching - for what, he's not sure.]

I want to be with you too.

Always.

[There's a short pause - peaceful, again.]

I have dreams about you. When I actually get to sleep.

[“Always.”]
Always.
[The echo is almost mouthed, instinctive. Aubrey’s just… watching him, studying his features, as she did when she woke before him in the barracks and as she has so many times since. She’ll never get tired of it. Her smile is faint, but she’s never been more enamored in her life.]

[When her husband says he dreams about her, her face flushes.] You… do?

[Nodding, he shifts his head back to where it had been lying - eyes forward, but closing again. If he could fall asleep now, dream now, he'd want to.]

We're on Paradis. You're my wife.

Things are different. I'm still a Scout. The enemies are more simple...

Every time I'm hurt, [With a little smile.] you're ready to kill me for it.

[A light laugh, at that. Okay, now she’s really smiling.]

Oh, come on. I’d only chew you out a little.

[“It’s true, though. I don’t want you getting hurt....” At least it’s just a dream.]

Okay, maybe more than a little… but I’ll always take care of you. [She pats his cheek. A slight tease:] I hope dream-me isn’t too much of a nightmare.

[Softly, his eyes still closed:]

No.

You’re perfect…

[The only downside to sitting like this is that she can’t smother him in kisses as she so dearly wants to.]

[Aubrey lets out a sigh, for now, stroking his face. So soothing....]

I love you, too, Eren.

Mm.

[He's falling asleep now.]

You should lie down too.

[She could have fallen asleep like that, but since he’s asking…]

[It takes some shuffling, but Aubrey tries to position herself between Eren and the back of the couch, wrapping her arms snugly around him. She rests her face by his nape, tangle of hair be damned. And a nice thing about this place is that when she wants the lights out, there’s no need to reach; they dim with her will, bathing the two of them steadily in a late evening glow.]

[Aubrey closes her eyes, and breathes him in.]

[Eren shifts until Aubrey can comfortably wedge herself between himself and the couch. When she puts her arms around him, he takes one of them and tugs it closer, lacing their fingers.

[In mere moments, he's asleep, so much as snoring softly.

[He does indeed dream again.]

[He's dying.

[He's dying, and it's terrifying.

[Titans swarm in the distance, swallowing crushed bodies while Scouts scream and beg for their mothers. Eren's hands grasp at nothing, finding only grass and dirt beneath him. He can't speak, let alone scream. He's gasping for breath, but only ends up choking on blood. His body is crushed, his heart beating slow. He isn't healing fast enough - isn't healing at all.

[In the distance, Armin and Mikasa are only two more bodies on the ground.

[He groans in pain, tears stinging his eyes. He tries to breathe, but he isn't. He's dying, he's dying, he's dying - "I don't want to die like this." He imagines a clean cut to the neck instead; finish him off quickly, don't let him be eaten, don't let him be crushed, crushed, crushed, he's crushed, his body is crushed.

["I'm sorry, I'm sorry - Aubrey, I'm sorry." But he can't make words. He's still vomiting blood.]

Why can't you just stay with me? Why can't you just live? You, idiot.

[His eyes pop open. Aubrey is kneeling, crying and swearing.

[There are titans everywhere, coming from all directions. The earth rumbles. "She'll die, she'll die, she'll die."]

Neither of us are dying. [She grabs Eren by his collar, but releases it quickly to cradle his head instead.]

Come back. Drop the goddamn horse. We don't have to worry about this anymore.

You said you'd live for me. Quit trying to die.

[He's crying. There's no way to stop it. It's all inevitable. Aubrey will be crushed. In the distance, his Founding Titan, all spine and bones.

["Not her, not her..."]

Eren...

I'm going to take us somewhere else now.

[Her hand ghosts over his cheek, runs through his hair.

[His heart stops beating. She kisses him.]

[With a gasp, Eren shoots up from the couch, fumbling out of it and landing hard on the ground. His heart isn't only beating - it's racing so badly that he has to grip his chest, eyes wide with tears and fear. He searches for Aubrey as if he can't see her, despite her being only feet away. His head whips desperately around, hair flying with it.]

What-- what-- I-- No-- No--

Aubrey-- [He chokes.] Aubrey-- Sh-shit...

E- Eren?!

[Aubrey barely noticed she’d fallen asleep; now Eren’s on the ground, frenzied, and she’s on her feet, on her knees, grabbing him, holding him, like he started shaking in the barracks all over again.]

Eren, I’m here. I’m here. It’s— it’s all right...

[The room is dark. Eren hasn't noticed that he's changed. Somewhere between Aubrey holding him and taking a second look, he's fifteen again - or, at least, he looks that way. He's in his full Scout uniform, cropped short hair, eyes green, and wide, and pleading.]

What-- what-- [His brain still hasn't caught up yet. "She's going to die!"

[He's gasping, breath calming, but only very slowly.]

Aubrey? [His voice is young. Why does he sound like that?]

What's...what happened?

[She said “it’s all right” on instinct, without even seeing if they were anywhere else; seems not, despite the dark. But Eren himself—

[She’s only seen him like this in memories.]

Eren.... You…

[Aubrey tries to pull him into a hug, before he can notice her own face blank and stunned. He was confused in the barracks, too....]

A nightmare…? [Almost thinking out loud. God, she’d almost forgotten about the way he went rigid and shook. She should’ve asked— No, when he’s calm again, she will. Before this happens again.] You’re ali— You’re safe. [Insistent.] You’re safe, now....

Safe...[He's echoing her, trying to process her words. His voice cracks like an adolescent. Why? He goes to tug anxiously at his hair, but it's...short?

[He drops his hands, frowning at them; then, looking to Aubrey, pleading.]

A nightmare...

I don't...remember...

[He’s confused. God, of course he is. Aubrey takes his hands—

[—and sees it, all of it. Titans, crushing, advancing; dead comrades, dead Armin and Mikasa; Eren himself, choking and panicked and dying; Aubrey begging him to live.]

[In the waking world, Aubrey covers her eyes with one hand, the other still holding Eren’s. It’s not because she doesn’t want to see him, though it’d be easy for him to assume as much; it’s because she’s about to start fucking crying again, and she can’t do that. Not with Eren still bewildered. Get a grip.]

[She swears under her breath. Too strong a thought not to be shared.] That wasn’t for you. Sorry.

You don’t have to remember anything.

You saw it…?

[It’s a weak question. He can only assume. He sounds so young…]

Edited 2023-11-16 19:42 (UTC)

[Aubrey takes a deep breath; shaky, in; steady, out. She lowers her hand.]

[She looks tired. Does Eren realize…?]
I did.

It’s just a bad dream.

[It's about this time that Eren finally notices what he's wearing, boots and all, ODM gear indeed sitting next to him on the floor of Mari's living room.]

What's going on...?

[She follows his eyes; she didn’t notice the gear, either.]

I don’t know… I think you woke up like this?

[Despite the dark, Aubrey reaches for one of the gear-pieces—the part that stores blades, flat and smooth. Not the most reflective thing, but she gives it a perfunctory brush-off, and tries to show Eren what he looks like now.]

[It's reflective enough. Eren hasn't seen himself like this in a long time now. Brow pinched, he reaches up to touch his hair again, bewildered. Just another trick of this universe, but...idly, he hopes that he won't be stuck this way long. He hasn't been this person in years...]

Careful with that...

[Carefully, he takes the gear and removes it from Aubrey's hands, setting it down.]

Why is this here...?

[It's all there, even down to the gas tanks.

[Dread creeps up his spine. As if out of nowhere, sunlight streams through the window. He stands up, and immediately starts putting on the gear.]

Look outside. Are there other buildings?

[She will indeed find that there are. It looks just like one of the towns on Paradis - Shiganshina, in fact.]

Edited 2023-11-16 20:06 (UTC)

[It’s strange, the demeanor of the Eren she knows with the voice and body of one she decidedly doesn’t. The shadows of his childhood can be jarring enough as-is, and they’re not… him, not like this....]

[No matter. Aubrey lifts her arm for shade, squinting at the sudden light. But when she looks outside, it’s not Sunny’s yard at all.]

[She doesn’t like that Eren’s so alert. It’s not promising.]

Is this your home…?

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little spoon eren jaeger REAL

2/3 - a dream (cw: gore, horror, etc.)

3/3 - assume he's been asleep a few hours at least

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here comes the bo-oy~ hello boy~ welcome~

[insert harp emoji] 🐱

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