abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[It's become a comfort - light fingers brushing the stray hairs out of his face; one of the nicer things about having long hair, that Aubrey can stroke it, fuss with it, run her hands through it.]

I didn't either.

[His next words are entirely too casual.]

He was one of Marley's Warriors - slaughtered countless comrades of mine as if they were nothing more than cattle.

[His cheek is still resting on her shoulder. He feels tired, suddenly - like they should be lying down.]

When we met, he told me that he wanted to save me. [Another scoff.] Save me from a dead man. He's a fool...

[Eren has a knack for making atrocities sound like yesterday’s weather. It wrests Aubrey’s focus back to the actual talk, not just their idle touches—though it does feel odd, suddenly, standing like this. Maybe it’s extra exhaustion from Eren; maybe it’s the weight of his words.

[That he can speak so casually about slaughter… it’s another thing that doesn’t matter much anymore, but Aubrey can’t help but wonder how much of that is just the world Eren’s from, desensitizing anyone who can survive it, and how much is Eren… being Eren.]

[Yeah. She’s tired of standing, too.]

Hey. [A small nudge, just to get Eren’s attention; Aubrey’s been quiet for a while.] I’m gonna move us somewhere. Hold on…

[Not that it’s a turbulent transition. The ambiguous fuzz of their surroundings gives way to a large room, sunlight streaming through the window. In the periphery, half-remembered details flicker in and out of focus; furniture and ephemera from bygone days. It’s been so long, Aubrey doesn’t remember the picture clearly; where her memory falters, the space takes a dreamlike appearance, objects not there solid but not not there. Somewhat disorienting to stare at too long.

[But she does get the couch, in the middle of it all. A small flower, on the side table. And it’s warm, today.
[To her, it feels somewhere close to home.]

[Aubrey steps back, inviting Eren to sit or lie down. She might ask about the rest of his family, if he knows anyone else… but for now, she stays silent. Let him take this in first.]

[It's a bizarrely pleasant-looking place; warm and homey, not unlike how his own used to feel. But it's different too. He doesn't recognize the TV (even having seen more than a few at the department store, they looked nothing like this). Overall, it's really not much like the houses back in Paradis at all. But the couch looks comfortable, and his body feels heavy, like he could fall asleep if he let himself.]

What is this place...?

[At Aubrey's invitation, he does sit, but one arm extends toward her, waiting for her to sit as well so he can put it around her. He doesn't want to stop touching yet; he wasn't ready to.]

[She’s by his side in an instant, sitting at the corner. Eren’s probably too tall to lie completely straight out, but he’s got all the space to try. The couch is wide enough to have fit about four people snugly, if they’re close…]

Friends’ house.

[Aubrey looks a bit distant, at the wall by the TV—past it, really. The frame that used to occupy that space fades into focus; it’s a happy family.]

[He notices the frame, the photo, the family. He thinks he might recognize the girl, if only for the bitterness he feels. But he isn't thinking of that now. His body feels heavy. He's so tired...

[Aubrey sits far enough away that there's room to lie down - that he should if he wants to be close to her, and he does. He's a bit too tall for the couch, like she thought, but when Eren's at ease, he prefers to curl up on his side anyway. Lately, he's been more at ease than ever.

[He shifts awkwardly for a moment, turning his body to lie his head in her lap. He even goes so far as to unceremoniously kick off his shoes before tucking his legs up. He waits to feel her hands in his hair again; in fact, he sits up just long enough to let it loose.]

Whose?

[Eren’s head on her lap brings Aubrey right back where she should be. Her face warms, and she laughs lightly at the impromptu shoe removal. What a gentleman.]

[Her hands are on him in an instant. It’s so rare that she’s seen his hair down, and even then only fleeting… she can brush her fingers through it for a surprisingly long run before reaching the end. Yet it’s natural as anything, stroking him like this. One hand offers a light scratch, too. She might do this forever.]

[Her expression does tense, though, faintly, at the question.]

Sunny. And Mari. I know [a quick addition] she wasn’t good to you… [An understatement. She knows it.] But I’ll be with you, as much as I can.

I won’t let anyone hurt you again.

[With Aubrey's hands sifting through his hair, it's hard to be too angry. It feels incredible; something only Armin or Reiner ever did, and only when his hair was short. This is much more satisfying. The little scratches here and there make his eyes close. This must be just what a housecat feels like, he thinks...

[Still, there is that bitterness - petulance, almost.]

She should respect what I am to you.

["You know - your husband."]

I married you because I love you, not because I want to hurt you.

[Their first "wedding ceremony" might have implied otherwise, but...they've made it right, haven't they?]

[They have, far as Aubrey’s concerned. They’ve made it right and then some. Eren even started off here regretting having ever said otherwise.]

[At his insistence, Aubrey shakes her head a little; exasparated, somewhat, though not at all with Eren.]

I don’t know what’s gotten into her. [The world took Aubrey away, before she could hear Mari’s side of the story—though she doesn’t think it matters now, anyway. Mari hardly recognized her.] I’ll talk to her, next time…

[If there is one.
[Ah… it’s annoying, being frustrated and missing someone like this. Nothing new; all the more tiring for that. And it feels like such a long time ago....]

[Enough of that.]

I married you because I love you, too. When I got this ring… I shouldn’t have said it that way.

[When he speaks again, he just sounds tired.]

That's how this conversation started, isn't it?

I don't hate you.

[Then, a pause. His eyes open, staring forward. Aubrey's hands are still in his hair. He can feel his heart steadily beating.

[It may only be for this moment, but...he feels warm.]

You said you'd break me. I haven't forgotten that...

[But...]

I think I know what you meant.

Maybe it wouldn't have been a bad thing.

[It’s impossible not to notice his beating heart when his head’s on her lap. Whatever mixed feelings Aubrey might have—lingering on Mari, on anyone’s regrets—seem to get washed away, in the thrill that is Eren’s pulse.]

[She pauses, hands still caressing him, and leans over just a bit to look at him better. Her own pink hair threatens to tangle with his; she nudges it back halfheartedly.]

What I should have said was… I want you to live. I want you to want to live.

Breaking and destroying… what good does that do…?

[Before he died, Eren might have had an answer for that. The truth is, destruction doesn't accomplish anything; secured his friends as heroes to the world, maybe, but at a cost he knows the gravity of. He did it because he wanted to, because he was angry. Every other reason was only an excuse.

[And really, he didn't want to be destroyed either, once it all came down to it.]

You know...

[He closes his eyes again, heavy.]

I told Armin...I didn't want to die.

[A deep breath - a breath.]

In the end, what I really wanted...was only to be with them again.

[It makes sense. The way he and Armin threw themselves at each other; how he and Mikasa held each other; even with Reiner, laughing and reminiscing.]

[He had to die—made it so he had to die—to even get a chance at it… and yet, all the while, no one ever truly left, did they?]

[Long gone are the days when Aubrey might’ve used that to bite at him, the hypocrisy of it all. It’s nothing he doesn’t already know. But even if it wasn’t…]

We’re all here now.

[In lieu of a kiss, she pulls a blanket from over the back of the couch and drapes it over Eren’s shoulders, best she can one-handed. The other stays by his head. His heart might be beating, but he looks cold, curled up like this.]

You’ll see them again soon.

Yeah...

I know. [A peaceful concession. The blanket around his shoulders brings comfort he can't describe. It's an act of love, he knows, for the others in his life who have done the same.

[He turns his head upward just a bit, just enough to look at her. His eyes are searching - for what, he's not sure.]

I want to be with you too.

Always.

[There's a short pause - peaceful, again.]

I have dreams about you. When I actually get to sleep.

[“Always.”]
Always.
[The echo is almost mouthed, instinctive. Aubrey’s just… watching him, studying his features, as she did when she woke before him in the barracks and as she has so many times since. She’ll never get tired of it. Her smile is faint, but she’s never been more enamored in her life.]

[When her husband says he dreams about her, her face flushes.] You… do?

[Nodding, he shifts his head back to where it had been lying - eyes forward, but closing again. If he could fall asleep now, dream now, he'd want to.]

We're on Paradis. You're my wife.

Things are different. I'm still a Scout. The enemies are more simple...

Every time I'm hurt, [With a little smile.] you're ready to kill me for it.

[A light laugh, at that. Okay, now she’s really smiling.]

Oh, come on. I’d only chew you out a little.

[“It’s true, though. I don’t want you getting hurt....” At least it’s just a dream.]

Okay, maybe more than a little… but I’ll always take care of you. [She pats his cheek. A slight tease:] I hope dream-me isn’t too much of a nightmare.

[Softly, his eyes still closed:]

No.

You’re perfect…

[The only downside to sitting like this is that she can’t smother him in kisses as she so dearly wants to.]

[Aubrey lets out a sigh, for now, stroking his face. So soothing....]

I love you, too, Eren.

Mm.

[He's falling asleep now.]

You should lie down too.

[She could have fallen asleep like that, but since he’s asking…]

[It takes some shuffling, but Aubrey tries to position herself between Eren and the back of the couch, wrapping her arms snugly around him. She rests her face by his nape, tangle of hair be damned. And a nice thing about this place is that when she wants the lights out, there’s no need to reach; they dim with her will, bathing the two of them steadily in a late evening glow.]

[Aubrey closes her eyes, and breathes him in.]

[Eren shifts until Aubrey can comfortably wedge herself between himself and the couch. When she puts her arms around him, he takes one of them and tugs it closer, lacing their fingers.

[In mere moments, he's asleep, so much as snoring softly.

[He does indeed dream again.]

[He's dying.

[He's dying, and it's terrifying.

[Titans swarm in the distance, swallowing crushed bodies while Scouts scream and beg for their mothers. Eren's hands grasp at nothing, finding only grass and dirt beneath him. He can't speak, let alone scream. He's gasping for breath, but only ends up choking on blood. His body is crushed, his heart beating slow. He isn't healing fast enough - isn't healing at all.

[In the distance, Armin and Mikasa are only two more bodies on the ground.

[He groans in pain, tears stinging his eyes. He tries to breathe, but he isn't. He's dying, he's dying, he's dying - "I don't want to die like this." He imagines a clean cut to the neck instead; finish him off quickly, don't let him be eaten, don't let him be crushed, crushed, crushed, he's crushed, his body is crushed.

["I'm sorry, I'm sorry - Aubrey, I'm sorry." But he can't make words. He's still vomiting blood.]

Why can't you just stay with me? Why can't you just live? You, idiot.

[His eyes pop open. Aubrey is kneeling, crying and swearing.

[There are titans everywhere, coming from all directions. The earth rumbles. "She'll die, she'll die, she'll die."]

Neither of us are dying. [She grabs Eren by his collar, but releases it quickly to cradle his head instead.]

Come back. Drop the goddamn horse. We don't have to worry about this anymore.

You said you'd live for me. Quit trying to die.

[He's crying. There's no way to stop it. It's all inevitable. Aubrey will be crushed. In the distance, his Founding Titan, all spine and bones.

["Not her, not her..."]

Eren...

I'm going to take us somewhere else now.

[Her hand ghosts over his cheek, runs through his hair.

[His heart stops beating. She kisses him.]

[With a gasp, Eren shoots up from the couch, fumbling out of it and landing hard on the ground. His heart isn't only beating - it's racing so badly that he has to grip his chest, eyes wide with tears and fear. He searches for Aubrey as if he can't see her, despite her being only feet away. His head whips desperately around, hair flying with it.]

What-- what-- I-- No-- No--

Aubrey-- [He chokes.] Aubrey-- Sh-shit...

E- Eren?!

[Aubrey barely noticed she’d fallen asleep; now Eren’s on the ground, frenzied, and she’s on her feet, on her knees, grabbing him, holding him, like he started shaking in the barracks all over again.]

Eren, I’m here. I’m here. It’s— it’s all right...

[The room is dark. Eren hasn't noticed that he's changed. Somewhere between Aubrey holding him and taking a second look, he's fifteen again - or, at least, he looks that way. He's in his full Scout uniform, cropped short hair, eyes green, and wide, and pleading.]

What-- what-- [His brain still hasn't caught up yet. "She's going to die!"

[He's gasping, breath calming, but only very slowly.]

Aubrey? [His voice is young. Why does he sound like that?]

What's...what happened?

no subject

wow novel

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

little spoon eren jaeger REAL

2/3 - a dream (cw: gore, horror, etc.)

3/3 - assume he's been asleep a few hours at least

no subject

here comes the bo-oy~ hello boy~ welcome~