[His hands stutter and freeze on their way to reach for a hand towel.
His back is turned for a moment, so Akira takes the chance to smile bitterly at the floor, a secret between him and the mess.]
If I were close with them... If I could be, maybe things would be different.
[At least in Maruki's case, Akira hasn't done anything wrong, probably. But it doesn't change how Akira feels about it. Maybe it will simply be another leaden ball of guilt that he has to live with for the rest of his life.]
Akechi is someone that I failed. I don't even know for sure what he remembers, but... I understood him more than probably anyone I've ever met, and yet I couldn't save him when it counted. I should've been able to, but he saved me instead.
[And it cost him his life, he doesn't say, because if he has to talk about it anymore he'll unravel in front of someone he just met and that is not allowed even with people he does know. His hands are tight on the towel, so he forces himself to relax his grip before he damages the kindness that was shown to him.
He kneels down and cleans. It helps keep his mind centered, somehow.]
Maruki-san knows me. He was so happy to see me when I woke up in the gardens. But I- [His voice breaks. When he starts again, it's just the slightest bit more unsteady.] I've never met him. The things he said yesterday... I don't know if he knows how much it meant to me. But in my reality, or however it works, we've never met. He was never hired at my school. Yesterday he tried to cover it up, but... He looked at me like he was grieving, and I don't...
[I don't know how to fix it.
I don't know how to help him.
I wish the Kurusu Akira he was looking for had woken up here instead of me.
He doesn't say any of that, because it's his burden and fault to bear.]
They're important to me. [He's gotten most of the spill up now, and his hands are already starting to feel lost. Directionless.] But I don't know if I'm the Akira they need.
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His back is turned for a moment, so Akira takes the chance to smile bitterly at the floor, a secret between him and the mess.]
If I were close with them... If I could be, maybe things would be different.
[At least in Maruki's case, Akira hasn't done anything wrong, probably. But it doesn't change how Akira feels about it. Maybe it will simply be another leaden ball of guilt that he has to live with for the rest of his life.]
Akechi is someone that I failed. I don't even know for sure what he remembers, but... I understood him more than probably anyone I've ever met, and yet I couldn't save him when it counted. I should've been able to, but he saved me instead.
[And it cost him his life, he doesn't say, because if he has to talk about it anymore he'll unravel in front of someone he just met and that is not allowed even with people he does know. His hands are tight on the towel, so he forces himself to relax his grip before he damages the kindness that was shown to him.
He kneels down and cleans. It helps keep his mind centered, somehow.]
Maruki-san knows me. He was so happy to see me when I woke up in the gardens. But I- [His voice breaks. When he starts again, it's just the slightest bit more unsteady.] I've never met him. The things he said yesterday... I don't know if he knows how much it meant to me. But in my reality, or however it works, we've never met. He was never hired at my school. Yesterday he tried to cover it up, but... He looked at me like he was grieving, and I don't...
[I don't know how to fix it.
I don't know how to help him.
I wish the Kurusu Akira he was looking for had woken up here instead of me.
He doesn't say any of that, because it's his burden and fault to bear.]
They're important to me. [He's gotten most of the spill up now, and his hands are already starting to feel lost. Directionless.] But I don't know if I'm the Akira they need.