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No. I have more valuable things to do with my time. Say what you want now, or this conversation is over. I'm already tired of it.
I want to apologize from that day I attacked you. I was in the wrong. For that, I’m sorry. Go on about your day then.
[Oh...?
[Well, isn't that disappointing.]
You're apologizing?
Why? Surely, you had some reason.
[Well, isn't that disappointing.]
You're apologizing?
Why? Surely, you had some reason.
Edited 2024-11-14 22:23 (UTC)
[A friend of Akechi's, too, then? That's news to him.]
You're close with them, aren't you? [Testing...]
Tell me about that.
You're close with them, aren't you? [Testing...]
Tell me about that.
[Maruki's words are...disquieting, if only for the fact that Eren hadn't fully realized he needed to hear them. He has no reason to feel threatened - doesn't feel threatened when Jean is with Dolph, or when Aubrey and Akechi hang out alone (at least, not anymore). Jealousy is not a pretty or proud emotion, and certainly not one he wants to own up to.
[Maruki and Eren are impossibly close. They may as well be one person, split into two pillars. 'I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality.'
[Eren feels the same. Even when it comes to Armin, the two can't truly compare; equally important, but so irreconcilably different.
[So, he gets it. But he still feels...
[Young. Lonely. A boy who had trouble making friends. He can't quite look at Maruki.
[And then he hears the word "special". He closes his eyes for a long moment.]
"Special"...
No. That's wrong...
[He opens his eyes.]
I remember what you told me about Kurusu. He's a special person. He's the type of person that might save the world, right?
I've known special people too. Someone like me, though...
I'm not special at all. That's why...
[That power never should have been handed to him.
[He doesn't finish his thought.]
You are dear to me. Maruki. That's enough, so...
You don't have to be special either.
[Maruki and Eren are impossibly close. They may as well be one person, split into two pillars. 'I've never had a friend like you in any reality. In every reality.'
[Eren feels the same. Even when it comes to Armin, the two can't truly compare; equally important, but so irreconcilably different.
[So, he gets it. But he still feels...
[Young. Lonely. A boy who had trouble making friends. He can't quite look at Maruki.
[And then he hears the word "special". He closes his eyes for a long moment.]
"Special"...
No. That's wrong...
[He opens his eyes.]
I remember what you told me about Kurusu. He's a special person. He's the type of person that might save the world, right?
I've known special people too. Someone like me, though...
I'm not special at all. That's why...
[That power never should have been handed to him.
[He doesn't finish his thought.]
You are dear to me. Maruki. That's enough, so...
You don't have to be special either.
I did, but it wasn’t suffice enough.
[ Maruki's brows crease in brief, mild confusion – it's simply factual that they are both special, it's not as if normal people can manipulate reality at will – but then again, he gets it. Or he thinks he does, anyway. How many people has he told that he's a normal, regular man, even after they've seen what he can do? In the end, he wants to be treated the same as anyone else.
Still, though... ]
Whether or not either of us are special, you're still special to me. That's all I meant.
[ He thinks he should say something more, falters, squeezes one of Eren's arms instead. ]
You're enough, too.
Still, though... ]
Whether or not either of us are special, you're still special to me. That's all I meant.
[ He thinks he should say something more, falters, squeezes one of Eren's arms instead. ]
You're enough, too.
I disagree.
From what I remember, you attacked me because you felt I'd done something to put your friend in harm's way. Regardless of whether or not that's true, acting in the interest of protecting the people you love is something that I can respect.
Compromising your own convictions in the interest of appeasing an enemy, however, is something I have no respect for.
I won't accept your apology. I'm not interested in it. Once you've found your spine again, perhaps we can have another conversation.
From what I remember, you attacked me because you felt I'd done something to put your friend in harm's way. Regardless of whether or not that's true, acting in the interest of protecting the people you love is something that I can respect.
Compromising your own convictions in the interest of appeasing an enemy, however, is something I have no respect for.
I won't accept your apology. I'm not interested in it. Once you've found your spine again, perhaps we can have another conversation.
[What is this unique grief that Eren feels? To be "enough" has never been. Maybe to his mother--
[All...Eren's thought about lately, with Maruki more than anyone, is his mother...
[Perhaps there are only two people who have ever truly loved Eren without condition. He grieves that. It feels...unfair.
[Who loves Maruki unconditionally?
[At least one person.]
I love you. Just like this.
[All...Eren's thought about lately, with Maruki more than anyone, is his mother...
[Perhaps there are only two people who have ever truly loved Eren without condition. He grieves that. It feels...unfair.
[Who loves Maruki unconditionally?
[At least one person.]
I love you. Just like this.
Whether you accept this or not is no concern for me, first.
Second. It’s an error on my part, reflecting, and admit my fault. While I am aware of your ability, I took it too far without realizing the consequences.
All this because you used words alone to cut a Duckling’s spirit.
Bottom line. The consequences nearly drove one of us to die that day.
Second. It’s an error on my part, reflecting, and admit my fault. While I am aware of your ability, I took it too far without realizing the consequences.
All this because you used words alone to cut a Duckling’s spirit.
Bottom line. The consequences nearly drove one of us to die that day.
[His hands stutter and freeze on their way to reach for a hand towel.
His back is turned for a moment, so Akira takes the chance to smile bitterly at the floor, a secret between him and the mess.]
If I were close with them... If I could be, maybe things would be different.
[At least in Maruki's case, Akira hasn't done anything wrong, probably. But it doesn't change how Akira feels about it. Maybe it will simply be another leaden ball of guilt that he has to live with for the rest of his life.]
Akechi is someone that I failed. I don't even know for sure what he remembers, but... I understood him more than probably anyone I've ever met, and yet I couldn't save him when it counted. I should've been able to, but he saved me instead.
[And it cost him his life, he doesn't say, because if he has to talk about it anymore he'll unravel in front of someone he just met and that is not allowed even with people he does know. His hands are tight on the towel, so he forces himself to relax his grip before he damages the kindness that was shown to him.
He kneels down and cleans. It helps keep his mind centered, somehow.]
Maruki-san knows me. He was so happy to see me when I woke up in the gardens. But I- [His voice breaks. When he starts again, it's just the slightest bit more unsteady.] I've never met him. The things he said yesterday... I don't know if he knows how much it meant to me. But in my reality, or however it works, we've never met. He was never hired at my school. Yesterday he tried to cover it up, but... He looked at me like he was grieving, and I don't...
[I don't know how to fix it.
I don't know how to help him.
I wish the Kurusu Akira he was looking for had woken up here instead of me.
He doesn't say any of that, because it's his burden and fault to bear.]
They're important to me. [He's gotten most of the spill up now, and his hands are already starting to feel lost. Directionless.] But I don't know if I'm the Akira they need.
His back is turned for a moment, so Akira takes the chance to smile bitterly at the floor, a secret between him and the mess.]
If I were close with them... If I could be, maybe things would be different.
[At least in Maruki's case, Akira hasn't done anything wrong, probably. But it doesn't change how Akira feels about it. Maybe it will simply be another leaden ball of guilt that he has to live with for the rest of his life.]
Akechi is someone that I failed. I don't even know for sure what he remembers, but... I understood him more than probably anyone I've ever met, and yet I couldn't save him when it counted. I should've been able to, but he saved me instead.
[And it cost him his life, he doesn't say, because if he has to talk about it anymore he'll unravel in front of someone he just met and that is not allowed even with people he does know. His hands are tight on the towel, so he forces himself to relax his grip before he damages the kindness that was shown to him.
He kneels down and cleans. It helps keep his mind centered, somehow.]
Maruki-san knows me. He was so happy to see me when I woke up in the gardens. But I- [His voice breaks. When he starts again, it's just the slightest bit more unsteady.] I've never met him. The things he said yesterday... I don't know if he knows how much it meant to me. But in my reality, or however it works, we've never met. He was never hired at my school. Yesterday he tried to cover it up, but... He looked at me like he was grieving, and I don't...
[I don't know how to fix it.
I don't know how to help him.
I wish the Kurusu Akira he was looking for had woken up here instead of me.
He doesn't say any of that, because it's his burden and fault to bear.]
They're important to me. [He's gotten most of the spill up now, and his hands are already starting to feel lost. Directionless.] But I don't know if I'm the Akira they need.
[It's as if Akira can't speak without raising Eren's hackles. This animosity doesn't show; at the assertion that Kurusu knows Akechi better than anyone, or that Maruki, a man he doesn't even know, is "important" to him, Eren merely flexes his right hand, held down by his side. Kurusu is still turned away, and Eren still half-cast in shadow.
[It isn't lost on him, by the way, that this must be the friend Akechi only managed to mention once; Eren can see now, too, that Kurusu isn't entirely an unfamiliar face - Eren has seen his corpse.
[So, Kurusu is important to them, but has this one earned the right to say the same?
[Eren continues to watch.]
That doesn't absolve you of responsibility.
My friends cherish you. I won't allow that to be abused.
[It isn't lost on him, by the way, that this must be the friend Akechi only managed to mention once; Eren can see now, too, that Kurusu isn't entirely an unfamiliar face - Eren has seen his corpse.
[So, Kurusu is important to them, but has this one earned the right to say the same?
[Eren continues to watch.]
That doesn't absolve you of responsibility.
My friends cherish you. I won't allow that to be abused.
Edited (IMPORTANT CORRECTION : )) 2024-11-15 02:55 (UTC)
[Ah. He didn't misread this at all, then.
His tone is so controlled, but those words... He must be upset with him. Akira can't blame him for it, really. Especially not after seeing the way Maruki looked at him the day before. Akira wonders if he knows about that.
He deserves it, though, so he doesn't mind.]
It doesn't absolve me, no. But I don't intend to toss away their feelings, either. [His task is mostly complete, so he lets his gaze fall on Eren again.] Do you think that I do?
[What does Eren expect of him? What does he think of him? He wants to try and see.]
His tone is so controlled, but those words... He must be upset with him. Akira can't blame him for it, really. Especially not after seeing the way Maruki looked at him the day before. Akira wonders if he knows about that.
He deserves it, though, so he doesn't mind.]
It doesn't absolve me, no. But I don't intend to toss away their feelings, either. [His task is mostly complete, so he lets his gaze fall on Eren again.] Do you think that I do?
[What does Eren expect of him? What does he think of him? He wants to try and see.]
BABY BOY YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!!! YAMAS CEASE YOUR HURTFUL WORDS!!!
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abandonhumanity
2024-11-15 06:24 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know what your intentions are.
I only know that I'll be nearby. It's important we met today.
[He lets a moment or two's silence pass.]
Maruki speaks highly of you.
I only know that I'll be nearby. It's important we met today.
[He lets a moment or two's silence pass.]
Maruki speaks highly of you.
Edited (I have 150 icons I need to use them) 2024-11-15 06:24 (UTC)
[ It isn't the first time Eren has told him that. It is the first time since his return, though.
Quite honestly, Maruki never expected to hear it again, and he could live with that. It's the same as not needing to see Eren smile or laugh to know when he feels like he wants to – he's never doubted his friend's love for him. Not since the night they broke away from a festival to sit in a circle of flickering lantern light and share the greatest pains of this power; certainly not since Eren kept his promise and came back.
So to hear it now, of all times–
It's painful, isn't it? Like rubbing antiseptic into a wound. Healing as it hurts. It shouldn't be possible for Maruki to be loved without reservation or condition and not lose it in the end. It shouldn't have taken a false reality to prove otherwise. Yet here they are.
He won't lose Eren. He'll return to the true reality, he'll have nothing, but he still won't lose Eren. There's always the next life.
Maruki reaches out, pulls his best friend into him. Tucks his head against his chest, a mirror of what Eren did for him earlier. Hugs him tight, tighter. ]
I believe you.
[ Which is a bigger thing than he can put into words. He thinks Eren knows, though.
Face tucked down to bury into Eren's hair, muffled, quiet: ]
It's the same for me. I love you, exactly as you are.
[ Don't change. Don't leave. ]
Quite honestly, Maruki never expected to hear it again, and he could live with that. It's the same as not needing to see Eren smile or laugh to know when he feels like he wants to – he's never doubted his friend's love for him. Not since the night they broke away from a festival to sit in a circle of flickering lantern light and share the greatest pains of this power; certainly not since Eren kept his promise and came back.
So to hear it now, of all times–
It's painful, isn't it? Like rubbing antiseptic into a wound. Healing as it hurts. It shouldn't be possible for Maruki to be loved without reservation or condition and not lose it in the end. It shouldn't have taken a false reality to prove otherwise. Yet here they are.
He won't lose Eren. He'll return to the true reality, he'll have nothing, but he still won't lose Eren. There's always the next life.
Maruki reaches out, pulls his best friend into him. Tucks his head against his chest, a mirror of what Eren did for him earlier. Hugs him tight, tighter. ]
I believe you.
[ Which is a bigger thing than he can put into words. He thinks Eren knows, though.
Face tucked down to bury into Eren's hair, muffled, quiet: ]
It's the same for me. I love you, exactly as you are.
[ Don't change. Don't leave. ]
['I believe you,' Maruki says. Eren is pulled against his chest. He lets out a breath.
[And it isn't a laugh.
[Because Eren doesn't laugh.
[But it is a breath.
[And it's fond.
['I believe you,' he says...
[Eren nods. His voice comes out tight.]
I believe you.
[And it isn't a laugh.
[Because Eren doesn't laugh.
[But it is a breath.
[And it's fond.
['I believe you,' he says...
[Eren nods. His voice comes out tight.]
I believe you.
["Maruki speaks highly of you."
It should make him feel better. Instead, it feels like a blow straight to his gut.
Maruki speaks highly of you, when he doesn't even know if he can live up those words. Maruki speaks highly of you, when "Akira" doesn't belong here. Maruki speaks highly of you, while "Akira" is the one who stole the heartfelt reunion that Maruki deserved.
Maruki saw the sky for him, and Akira didn't even know his name.]
The way he spoke... We must mean a lot to each other. [Must've. It's the only way. The pot ker-thuds into the sink, momentarily free of its responsibilities.] As for my intentions... My only intention is not to fail either of them more than I already have.
[It might be too late for that, honestly. But there's at least one thing he can try to do.]
If it's alright, I'd like to ask you something. You care about them, so I think you'll answer me honestly.
It should make him feel better. Instead, it feels like a blow straight to his gut.
Maruki speaks highly of you, when he doesn't even know if he can live up those words. Maruki speaks highly of you, when "Akira" doesn't belong here. Maruki speaks highly of you, while "Akira" is the one who stole the heartfelt reunion that Maruki deserved.
Maruki saw the sky for him, and Akira didn't even know his name.]
The way he spoke... We must mean a lot to each other. [Must've. It's the only way. The pot ker-thuds into the sink, momentarily free of its responsibilities.] As for my intentions... My only intention is not to fail either of them more than I already have.
[It might be too late for that, honestly. But there's at least one thing he can try to do.]
If it's alright, I'd like to ask you something. You care about them, so I think you'll answer me honestly.
[Assuming honesty of Eren is always a gamble, weighted to the losing side; still.]
Go on, then.
Go on, then.
[If he's honest, Akira doesn't want to ask this.
He doesn't want to face the answer if it's a yes; he doesn't want to face the answer if it's a no. Both would be difficult to swallow for very different reasons.
But not wanting to doesn't mean he can't. He will, because it's something he has to do.]
Am I hurting them more by being here?
He doesn't want to face the answer if it's a yes; he doesn't want to face the answer if it's a no. Both would be difficult to swallow for very different reasons.
But not wanting to doesn't mean he can't. He will, because it's something he has to do.]
Am I hurting them more by being here?
[Eren feels his head slowly tilt to the side, his eyes narrowing in something that would almost be amusement if he didn't also feel like he was ready to rip Kurusu's throat from his neck.]
That doesn't matter.
You have been listening, haven't you? [That "question" does not leave much room for rebuttal.
[He takes one step.
[Two.
[Three into the kitchen.]
You are here now. Regardless of your feelings, your intentions, your fears - you have a responsibility.
That's three times I've said it now.
[He puts a hand down on the counter, fingers breaching up at the knuckles, tense under pristine skin.]
Show up. Kurusu. As they will show up for you. Quit worrying whether you're a blight or a boon.
If they want you, they'll have you.
That doesn't matter.
You have been listening, haven't you? [That "question" does not leave much room for rebuttal.
[He takes one step.
[Two.
[Three into the kitchen.]
You are here now. Regardless of your feelings, your intentions, your fears - you have a responsibility.
That's three times I've said it now.
[He puts a hand down on the counter, fingers breaching up at the knuckles, tense under pristine skin.]
Show up. Kurusu. As they will show up for you. Quit worrying whether you're a blight or a boon.
If they want you, they'll have you.
[Something within his whole body tenses, because-
It doesn't matter? Of course it matters.
It matters that he stole away Maruki's most important person. It matters that Akechi is going to die for him.
It matters that-
"If they want you, they'll have you."
...Then I'll be here, if and until that isn't what they need from me.
[Akira tilts his head back to look up at him, trying to assess what he'll do. There's a tension in his hands that he doesn't know how to read. Maybe Eren is holding himself back from something.
Maybe Akira wishes he wouldn't hold back at all.
Akira doesn't know how to give them what they need when he isn't even the person they need. But he has to try. There's no other choice but to try. He doesn't know what to do, so he'll have to figure it out.
Maruki wanted him here. It hurts, but it has to mean something.]
It doesn't matter? Of course it matters.
It matters that he stole away Maruki's most important person. It matters that Akechi is going to die for him.
It matters that-
-Akira is here, even if he'll always be the wrong one.]
...Then I'll be here, if and until that isn't what they need from me.
[Akira tilts his head back to look up at him, trying to assess what he'll do. There's a tension in his hands that he doesn't know how to read. Maybe Eren is holding himself back from something.
Maybe Akira wishes he wouldn't hold back at all.
Akira doesn't know how to give them what they need when he isn't even the person they need. But he has to try. There's no other choice but to try. He doesn't know what to do, so he'll have to figure it out.
Maruki wanted him here. It hurts, but it has to mean something.]
lmao oh these two are gonna be a mess WOOF THOSE BRACKETS AKIRA don't let eren know ur similar <3
abandonhumanity
2024-11-15 09:27 am (UTC)(link)
It will never be enough.
["If" and "until" - no, no.]
You know your role, then.
We'll be seeing each other often. Suppose we ought to be friends. [He could not sound more disingenuous if he tried.]
["If" and "until" - no, no.]
You know your role, then.
We'll be seeing each other often. Suppose we ought to be friends. [He could not sound more disingenuous if he tried.]
[He tilts his head to the side. It seems like... an odd suggestion for someone that seems pretty displeased with him.
Maybe it's just to keep an eye on him? Akira thinks that makes sense, so he should go along with it. That would be the best outcome for all of them; Eren can feel better about him being around if he's keeping an eye on him, and Akira can keep his head down so he doesn't make things any worse.]
It won't. But if you want to... I'd like that. You care about them a lot.
[It will never be enough. It will never make up for it.
Akira understands he can't fix what's lost. But he can at least do one thing right by them, and that's to try and understand the people that love them.
The mask he has to figure out now is "Kurusu Akira", and maybe that's the most difficult one of all.
Glancing around though... He really has to hurry now. How long has it been... Maruki could be up at any minute, and he has to restart the batch. Most of the ingredients are still laid out. He'll need to repay Maruki for what he lost as well...]
Are you hungry?
Maybe it's just to keep an eye on him? Akira thinks that makes sense, so he should go along with it. That would be the best outcome for all of them; Eren can feel better about him being around if he's keeping an eye on him, and Akira can keep his head down so he doesn't make things any worse.]
It won't. But if you want to... I'd like that. You care about them a lot.
[It will never be enough. It will never make up for it.
Akira understands he can't fix what's lost. But he can at least do one thing right by them, and that's to try and understand the people that love them.
The mask he has to figure out now is "Kurusu Akira", and maybe that's the most difficult one of all.
Glancing around though... He really has to hurry now. How long has it been... Maruki could be up at any minute, and he has to restart the batch. Most of the ingredients are still laid out. He'll need to repay Maruki for what he lost as well...]
Are you hungry?
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