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[Video: this thing. Gliding around, eating dirt. Because this is the kind of thing you send your boyfriend who’s been through hell and came back to a different flavor of it, with only the following for context:]
BB gave me this. I thought it was funny.
[In the video, Aubrey whistles like she’s calling a dog. The roomba slowly turns around, indescript buttons glowing ominously… and then makes a singsong noise, complete with a music note bubble hologram.
[Fucking amazing.]
[This is beginning to feel like a waste of time for both of them.
[It's gotten easy to slip into the familiar safety of a cold disposition. Levi sends Eren to the ground and pins him down. Aside from some initial surprise - perhaps a grunt or two of effort - Eren doesn't react. He stares up at Levi with two hollow pits as eyes.
[There's what he deserves, and then there's what his pride will tolerate. He won't cower away from Levi as if he were still a child. He's a different kind of coward these days.]
No answer I could give you would satisfy. We both know that.
[Those cracked ribs are already binding themselves back together. It's uncomfortable.]
It's like I told you. When you're finished, we'll part ways. [No, actually. His ribs are ripping themselves back apart--]
You'll be free of me, so let go.
[It's gotten easy to slip into the familiar safety of a cold disposition. Levi sends Eren to the ground and pins him down. Aside from some initial surprise - perhaps a grunt or two of effort - Eren doesn't react. He stares up at Levi with two hollow pits as eyes.
[There's what he deserves, and then there's what his pride will tolerate. He won't cower away from Levi as if he were still a child. He's a different kind of coward these days.]
No answer I could give you would satisfy. We both know that.
[Those cracked ribs are already binding themselves back together. It's uncomfortable.]
It's like I told you. When you're finished, we'll part ways. [No, actually. His ribs are ripping themselves back apart--]
You'll be free of me, so let go.
I never want that. You often interpret my expression in odd ways.
[He could reach up -
I just find it interesting that you accept it so easily. A grave given by another in a temporary world filled with people who will come and go in an instant. By the time we walk down this hill, there may be no one left that remembers 'Eren' or his lost mother.
[The grave isn't for his mother.]
So what's the point of this? Why create a memorial when you're a barely a blip on the radar of the majority here? I would have thought four years would've changed your mind over the matter.
[He could reach up -
and wrap his fingers around Eren's throat again. A bloom of purple would appear, and vanish, with every gasp.
It would be easy. Eren wouldn't bat an eye. A flutter of lashes to stay conscious, and he would, because he's doomed to die another way.]I just find it interesting that you accept it so easily. A grave given by another in a temporary world filled with people who will come and go in an instant. By the time we walk down this hill, there may be no one left that remembers 'Eren' or his lost mother.
[The grave isn't for his mother.]
So what's the point of this? Why create a memorial when you're a barely a blip on the radar of the majority here? I would have thought four years would've changed your mind over the matter.
Levi stares back. For a long moment, he can't even speak, despair and anger and grief a violent vortex.
Let go.
He doesn't know how.
But he can't hold on like this, either.
How do you reconcile love with this?
It feels as though his own ribs are breaking open.
After a time that both feels like minutes and only seconds, Levi silently shifts back, stepping away.
But with a fierce grunt of anger, more blows follow. He thinks of Hange, of Petra and Oluo and Eld and Gunther, of Erwin returning without an arm, of those moments on the rooftop, of Nifa, of Moblit, and so many others. Maybe Eren hadn't been directly responsible for all of them, but for most, it was close enough. They had sacrificed their lives believing he was their hope, and for what?
In truth it doesn't last long. A couple of vicious kicks, further breaking ribs and puncturing organs; Levi grabs a fistful of hair and delivers a swift punch to Eren's face, perhaps fracturing part of his skull or even destroying an eye. On the last blow, there's an audible crack as the bones in his bare foot splinter. The last glare he gives Eren, it's difficult to say how much of his grimace is from the physical pain, or from disgust.
Finally finished and trembling, he turns, wordlessly, and limps back toward the door of his cottage, leaving Eren to heal his wounds in the garden.
Let go.
He doesn't know how.
But he can't hold on like this, either.
How do you reconcile love with this?
It feels as though his own ribs are breaking open.
After a time that both feels like minutes and only seconds, Levi silently shifts back, stepping away.
But with a fierce grunt of anger, more blows follow. He thinks of Hange, of Petra and Oluo and Eld and Gunther, of Erwin returning without an arm, of those moments on the rooftop, of Nifa, of Moblit, and so many others. Maybe Eren hadn't been directly responsible for all of them, but for most, it was close enough. They had sacrificed their lives believing he was their hope, and for what?
In truth it doesn't last long. A couple of vicious kicks, further breaking ribs and puncturing organs; Levi grabs a fistful of hair and delivers a swift punch to Eren's face, perhaps fracturing part of his skull or even destroying an eye. On the last blow, there's an audible crack as the bones in his bare foot splinter. The last glare he gives Eren, it's difficult to say how much of his grimace is from the physical pain, or from disgust.
Finally finished and trembling, he turns, wordlessly, and limps back toward the door of his cottage, leaving Eren to heal his wounds in the garden.
It’s called a “roomba”. I guess in the future in my reality, they make these things to clean your house for you.
Everything else this one does is BB’s work, though.
[There's no way that thing cleans effectively...]
I didn't realize you two were close.
I didn't realize you two were close.
cw: gore, eye trauma (ohhh you gave me food to cook with)(also just a lil wrap here)
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abandonhumanity
2024-10-15 12:22 am (UTC)(link)
[He must look just like a corpse, lying in the garden in a steaming heap. He looks like the undead when he pushes himself up, teeth bared and gritting, an eye hanging from its socket. Eren carelessly does away with it.
[To say that Levi's reaction was unexpected wouldn't exactly be true. Eren understood that there would be consequences. Damaging a few organs and breaking a repairable nose can't begin to come close to what Eren's done to Levi. He can't fault him for it. He doesn't.
[No anger. No wrath.
[Emptiness, clawing; grief, overwhelming. It wasn't foolish hope that led him here, nor was it duty. It was a scene in a cottage where two soldiers embraced. Eren would have called Levi his family to anyone that asked. Whether you are robbed of something or sell it yourself, does it not create an absence? Eren doesn't expect forgiveness.
[He doesn't expect anything.
[It's a unique Hell to grieve the living. That's a balanced punishment too, Eren thinks.]
[To say that Levi's reaction was unexpected wouldn't exactly be true. Eren understood that there would be consequences. Damaging a few organs and breaking a repairable nose can't begin to come close to what Eren's done to Levi. He can't fault him for it. He doesn't.
[No anger. No wrath.
[Emptiness, clawing; grief, overwhelming. It wasn't foolish hope that led him here, nor was it duty. It was a scene in a cottage where two soldiers embraced. Eren would have called Levi his family to anyone that asked. Whether you are robbed of something or sell it yourself, does it not create an absence? Eren doesn't expect forgiveness.
[He doesn't expect anything.
[It's a unique Hell to grieve the living. That's a balanced punishment too, Eren thinks.]
You're right about that. [Easy, casual, almost bored-sounding. He scratches a bit at the back of his ear.] It really doesn't make much sense.
I did ask for it though. [He lowers his hand.]
Graves anywhere work the same way, don't they? Eventually, everyone who was there for the burial ends up buried themselves. A grave simply becomes a place dedicated to something that no longer exists.
I did ask for it though. [He lowers his hand.]
Graves anywhere work the same way, don't they? Eventually, everyone who was there for the burial ends up buried themselves. A grave simply becomes a place dedicated to something that no longer exists.
[Every lazy movement is another notch on an ever increasing list of irritants. Akechi can't place why - doesn't care to figure it out. Eren deserves it. From his disappearance, to arrival, to this.
To being at his home, constantly. Always. Present and there, even if Akechi rarely acknowledges his existence beyond the typical niceties required.]
True. Your name, life, everything you strived for will be completely meaningless. In fact-
[Feigned smile, hand on his hip.]
If you decide to have a tantrum on this world and turn it to a sea of blood too, it'll be buried under the weight of all here. Some who never knew they earned your ire, coating a grave meant for their killer.
I find things like that fascinating, don't you?
To being at his home, constantly. Always. Present and there, even if Akechi rarely acknowledges his existence beyond the typical niceties required.]
True. Your name, life, everything you strived for will be completely meaningless. In fact-
[Feigned smile, hand on his hip.]
If you decide to have a tantrum on this world and turn it to a sea of blood too, it'll be buried under the weight of all here. Some who never knew they earned your ire, coating a grave meant for their killer.
I find things like that fascinating, don't you?
[One eyebrow raises.]
You're probably used to me getting upset about that sort of thing, aren't you?
Not so much anymore.
You're right. If I decided to wipe this world clean like I did my own, this grave will be a marker of destruction at its best.
What's your point?
You're probably used to me getting upset about that sort of thing, aren't you?
Not so much anymore.
You're right. If I decided to wipe this world clean like I did my own, this grave will be a marker of destruction at its best.
What's your point?
[Eren nods, seeming to accept that answer. His eyes flicker away, and he folds his hands together.]
After that, would it have been better if I didn't come back?
After that, would it have been better if I didn't come back?
I don't have one. Sometimes I enjoy speaking and seeing what other thoughts are for that sake alone. Not every matter requires a solution or answer. You were always someone simple to speak with, so I wanted to do so again.
[Provoking Eren used to be so goddamn easy to the point of annoyance. Akechi could blink, and that boy would bite.
This apathy is a different barrier to contend with.]
Is there anything that would make you want to turn this reality into a mirror image of your own? Without the source of your ire here, I can imagine not, so it's a hypothetical scenario. A small thought exercise. I'm fascinated by the nature of it all - what would make a person shun all the bonds they've formed for such a sordid purpose? What causes someone to snap? Or perhaps you're a one hit wonder, as it were.
[Provoking Eren used to be so goddamn easy to the point of annoyance. Akechi could blink, and that boy would bite.
This apathy is a different barrier to contend with.]
Is there anything that would make you want to turn this reality into a mirror image of your own? Without the source of your ire here, I can imagine not, so it's a hypothetical scenario. A small thought exercise. I'm fascinated by the nature of it all - what would make a person shun all the bonds they've formed for such a sordid purpose? What causes someone to snap? Or perhaps you're a one hit wonder, as it were.
[Fine. A "thought exercise". He remembers now.]
As of right now, there's no reason to do anything like I did in my true reality. Aside from that, I don't currently have the means.
[He won't say that the circumstances don't call for it, or that it's impossible. He'll do what's necessary no matter what the circumstances are, and things can turn in this place on a dime.]
There's collateral in every war. I understand that too.
My concern is what it's always been. My people will remain safe. As for what may happen to anyone else when we take control of things, I could care less.
Does that answer your question?
As of right now, there's no reason to do anything like I did in my true reality. Aside from that, I don't currently have the means.
[He won't say that the circumstances don't call for it, or that it's impossible. He'll do what's necessary no matter what the circumstances are, and things can turn in this place on a dime.]
There's collateral in every war. I understand that too.
My concern is what it's always been. My people will remain safe. As for what may happen to anyone else when we take control of things, I could care less.
Does that answer your question?
[Nothing changes, and everything does.
He answers, as always. Akechi listens, and notes it.
What a horrible man Eren turned out to be.]
It does. Thank you for indulging me.
[And with that, he looks to a town he's never hated more, up to the starry sky that's calming more times than it's not, and back to a man that oscillates between both.]
That's all I wanted to discuss with you. You're welcome to take your leave. I'll see you for our jog later.
He answers, as always. Akechi listens, and notes it.
What a horrible man Eren turned out to be.]
It does. Thank you for indulging me.
[And with that, he looks to a town he's never hated more, up to the starry sky that's calming more times than it's not, and back to a man that oscillates between both.]
That's all I wanted to discuss with you. You're welcome to take your leave. I'll see you for our jog later.
Don't be stupid. [As blunt as ever, at least.
[Eren's hands are in his pockets. He scans the same space.]
We'll see each other soon either way. Let's just stay here a while.
[Eren's hands are in his pockets. He scans the same space.]
We'll see each other soon either way. Let's just stay here a while.
No.
[ The answer is immediate from Jean's lips, and he pauses his his drawing, looking up at Eren. Looking at Eren and feeling guilt wash over him.
He knows that Eren didn't want to return, but does he think he was unwanted? That Jean would rather he stayed home and died?
He drops his gaze back down to the drawing, though his pencil doesn't start moving again. ]
I'm selfish - and cruel, apparently. I know you want to rest, but I'll always want to see you again.
[ The answer is immediate from Jean's lips, and he pauses his his drawing, looking up at Eren. Looking at Eren and feeling guilt wash over him.
He knows that Eren didn't want to return, but does he think he was unwanted? That Jean would rather he stayed home and died?
He drops his gaze back down to the drawing, though his pencil doesn't start moving again. ]
I'm selfish - and cruel, apparently. I know you want to rest, but I'll always want to see you again.
[Eren feels something tug down at his mouth, but he ignores it. The swelling feeling in his chest is harder to ignore. He recalls sitting in Jean's lap, holding on for dear life. It feels too much has changed to go back to that place.
[Jean says he wants to see him, though. It's something. It's huge.
[Eren looks at his husband. If he were still the type to cry, maybe he would.]
I want to rest, but I want to see you again too. Both can be true.
[Jean says he wants to see him, though. It's something. It's huge.
[Eren looks at his husband. If he were still the type to cry, maybe he would.]
I want to rest, but I want to see you again too. Both can be true.
[ There's a moment where Jean looks at the sketch, then carefully places the pencil on the page and sets the book aside, on their nightstand. Then he leans over, crawling over to where Eren lays and gently wrapping his arms around him.
Everything is different, and yet nothing has changed. He wishes he could lift Eren into his lap once again with ease; instead, he embraces him. ]
Then I'm okay being selfish, if you are too.
Everything is different, and yet nothing has changed. He wishes he could lift Eren into his lap once again with ease; instead, he embraces him. ]
Then I'm okay being selfish, if you are too.
[Eren feels a tightness in his throat, but he knows nothing will come of it. He swallows it down, slowly snaking his arms back around Jean. He loosely holds handfuls of fabric.
[This is his husband; his body, his scent, his temperature, his voice. Eren hasn't been in the best mindset, lately, when it comes to him, but in this moment, he feels that familiar sense of calm that he's so used to this body, this scent, this temperature, this voice bringing...]
I am selfish. [His voice croaks just slightly. He clears his throat.] I'm shit. I can't change.
I want you anyway.
[This is his husband; his body, his scent, his temperature, his voice. Eren hasn't been in the best mindset, lately, when it comes to him, but in this moment, he feels that familiar sense of calm that he's so used to this body, this scent, this temperature, this voice bringing...]
I am selfish. [His voice croaks just slightly. He clears his throat.] I'm shit. I can't change.
I want you anyway.
[ Jean spreads his hands across Eren's back, letting his fingers press against skin. He's shirtless and Jean simply draws him closer, letting one hand trace up and down along the knobs of his spine.
They're both selfish. Eren is shit, but he won't affirm that right now. ]
I love you no matter what you are, Eren.
[ He can't say he's never asked Eren to change. He did, once upon a time. Eren tried here, oh did he try, but Jean had to accept the same fact that Eren did: there was no path that did not end in the rumbling and the loss of eighty percent of humanity.
He leans their foreheads together, eyes falling closed. ]
I know I've been unfair. But ... I really do want you to rest, if you can, or at least take it easy. I can take care of the rest.
They're both selfish. Eren is shit, but he won't affirm that right now. ]
I love you no matter what you are, Eren.
[ He can't say he's never asked Eren to change. He did, once upon a time. Eren tried here, oh did he try, but Jean had to accept the same fact that Eren did: there was no path that did not end in the rumbling and the loss of eighty percent of humanity.
He leans their foreheads together, eyes falling closed. ]
I know I've been unfair. But ... I really do want you to rest, if you can, or at least take it easy. I can take care of the rest.
You weren't unfair. [Eren's voice has gotten quiet. There's no need to speak loudly when they're this close. Their foreheads are together, Eren's eyes squeezed shut.]
I love you. [He's struggled to say it to anyone else, but not to Jean, despite everything...] And I am.
All I do lately is sleep. Maruki is helping me fill in my memories...
I love you. [He's struggled to say it to anyone else, but not to Jean, despite everything...] And I am.
All I do lately is sleep. Maruki is helping me fill in my memories...
Move - I think I heard that goddamn cat. When I find her, she's out. Don't bother -
[And as he turns the corner to find the source of said Random Fucking Noise, that may or may not exist outside of his own paranoia, he stops. Halts. Dead in his tracks with package of Fantasy Kitty Treats gripped in his fingers. Korokke leisurely following Akechi, like she's gonna get a snack at the end of this. It's not for her!!! It's to find this other little shit, but-
There's Eren.
Just fucking there. He's over often enough for Akechi to be on guard, but not at this hour. Not this late. This is an abnormal new time to have the guy here and boy, despite the smile plastered on his face, he's not happy at all.]
Oh, you're staying for dinner? That's a pleasant surprise. Did you run out of food at your other homes? There's this company called Thermo - I'm sure you don't remember, but-
[OH HE HEARD. SOMETHING. OH HE HEARD A NOISE. NEKO-CHAN, he's coming for you.]
Regardless, it's nice to see you. Could you both move for a moment? I have to check something.
[And as he turns the corner to find the source of said Random Fucking Noise, that may or may not exist outside of his own paranoia, he stops. Halts. Dead in his tracks with package of Fantasy Kitty Treats gripped in his fingers. Korokke leisurely following Akechi, like she's gonna get a snack at the end of this. It's not for her!!! It's to find this other little shit, but-
There's Eren.
Just fucking there. He's over often enough for Akechi to be on guard, but not at this hour. Not this late. This is an abnormal new time to have the guy here and boy, despite the smile plastered on his face, he's not happy at all.]
Oh, you're staying for dinner? That's a pleasant surprise. Did you run out of food at your other homes? There's this company called Thermo - I'm sure you don't remember, but-
[OH HE HEARD. SOMETHING. OH HE HEARD A NOISE. NEKO-CHAN, he's coming for you.]
Regardless, it's nice to see you. Could you both move for a moment? I have to check something.
[ Ever the homemaker, Maruki pokes his head out from the kitchen to see where Akechi's run into Eren.
Sees the bag of treats.
Sees Korokke winding around his legs.
: ) ]
Ah, you just missed her, Akechi-kun. She ran out the side door and hopped over the fence.
Sees the bag of treats.
Sees Korokke winding around his legs.
: ) ]
Ah, you just missed her, Akechi-kun. She ran out the side door and hopped over the fence.
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