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[Eren's mouth tugs awkwardly. He glances at his corner of the bed.]
It's weird to do it without you actually lying down. [Drawled in that dry voice.
[He hesitates another few seconds, then scoots in on his side. Talking face to face in bed, they'd normally have their arms around each other, but there's obviously no way of doing that, so...he puts one arm behind his head and lets the other lay across the bed where Jean should be. He bends his knees at the angles he recalls from wrapping their legs together.
[He can't quite look at him.]
This is embarrassing...
It's weird to do it without you actually lying down. [Drawled in that dry voice.
[He hesitates another few seconds, then scoots in on his side. Talking face to face in bed, they'd normally have their arms around each other, but there's obviously no way of doing that, so...he puts one arm behind his head and lets the other lay across the bed where Jean should be. He bends his knees at the angles he recalls from wrapping their legs together.
[He can't quite look at him.]
This is embarrassing...
I can go get a chicken for you to cuddle.
[ Drawled right back, Jean's tone is full of affectionate teasing. He watches Eren arrange himself, putting an arm behind his head like some kind offrench girl model from the interior.
Even with the awkward expression, he looks cute. Jean is so insufferably fond of him; it might show in how his expression softens a little as he looks at Eren. ]
It doesn't look embarrassing, if it helps at all.
[ His gaze drops to the paper, starting to sketch, but he keeps talking. ]
I don't think we ever did this, before. You took - still take - a lot of photos, though.
[ Drawled right back, Jean's tone is full of affectionate teasing. He watches Eren arrange himself, putting an arm behind his head like some kind of
Even with the awkward expression, he looks cute. Jean is so insufferably fond of him; it might show in how his expression softens a little as he looks at Eren. ]
It doesn't look embarrassing, if it helps at all.
[ His gaze drops to the paper, starting to sketch, but he keeps talking. ]
I don't think we ever did this, before. You took - still take - a lot of photos, though.
I think I'd remember this. [Though, with his memory, who knows.]
Seeing photos lets me piece things together. That's why.
Seeing photos lets me piece things together. That's why.
What else helps? Scent, touch?
[ It's a genuine question. Jean has mostly narrated things that happened, but he's not sure if Eren wants to rely solely on Jean's recollection of things. ]
[ It's a genuine question. Jean has mostly narrated things that happened, but he's not sure if Eren wants to rely solely on Jean's recollection of things. ]
I wouldn't know what you mean.
[It's annoying. The few who accept the rotten parts of him-
That think they do. They're pathetic. Stupid. At least a prince would pretend to care about them. Too chose a life outside of that illusion-
He can't fathom it.]
But I'll allow you to keep that delusion if it makes you content. I'm in a good mood, after all.
[It's annoying. The few who accept the rotten parts of him-
That think they do. They're pathetic. Stupid. At least a prince would pretend to care about them. Too chose a life outside of that illusion-
He can't fathom it.]
But I'll allow you to keep that delusion if it makes you content. I'm in a good mood, after all.
It's hard to say. [Scent and touch can be just as disorienting as they are grounding.]
Mostly just talking, I guess. And those photos.
I've started using that camera again too.
Mostly just talking, I guess. And those photos.
I've started using that camera again too.
[ Color Jean corrected, then. ]
Good. You should keep doing that - if I'm going to draw, you should keep taking pictures.
[ Jean flicks his eyes up, over the paper again, pencil stilling for a moment as he takes Eren in. After he's had his fill, or found what he's looking for, he resumes drawing. ]
Remember the first time I tried to make a soufflé?
[ They thought there was no way opening the stove early would ruin it... ]
Good. You should keep doing that - if I'm going to draw, you should keep taking pictures.
[ Jean flicks his eyes up, over the paper again, pencil stilling for a moment as he takes Eren in. After he's had his fill, or found what he's looking for, he resumes drawing. ]
Remember the first time I tried to make a soufflé?
[ They thought there was no way opening the stove early would ruin it... ]
How kind of you.
Where are you taking me, Akechi?
Where are you taking me, Akechi?
[Eren searches. Jean's cooked a lot here. There's nothing clear, but...]
It wasn't here.
In that cottage. All three of us...
It wasn't here.
In that cottage. All three of us...
Yeah. She told us we should have followed the recipe instead of getting impatient.
[ There's a fond smile on Jean's face as he keeps sketching. ]
It still tasted good, though.
[ There's a fond smile on Jean's face as he keeps sketching. ]
It still tasted good, though.
[It occurs to Eren that, maybe, these are memories he'd meant to shove down. Living in the cottage with Jean and Mikasa, where guests were rarely invited, where moments were shared only between the three of them, had felt almost like having a home again - not quite, but close. He and Mikasa washed the dishes just like they did growing up. Jean would dote on both of them. Eren slept in the middle. He felt supremely loved - so much so that it sickened him, as things got worse.
[It's painful to think about now. It hurts that she's gone. Things can never be the same as that small period of time, never appreciated for how sacred it was.
[And no one's ever loved him the way Mikasa does. That's a fact to anyone that can see it. He just wonders how she'd feel if she could see him here now. There is forever an empty spot in he and Jean's bed.
[He's been quiet too long.]
We didn't have a bed for so long. We slept on the ground for months.
[It's painful to think about now. It hurts that she's gone. Things can never be the same as that small period of time, never appreciated for how sacred it was.
[And no one's ever loved him the way Mikasa does. That's a fact to anyone that can see it. He just wonders how she'd feel if she could see him here now. There is forever an empty spot in he and Jean's bed.
[He's been quiet too long.]
We didn't have a bed for so long. We slept on the ground for months.
Somewhere quiet.
[And that's all Eren gets-
Before he continues the trek in silence. Up and around a corner, a steep path up, until they reach a hidden area with a flower covered bench. A town below, the ocean beyond, a staggering cliff still behind and a sunrise that will bathe this entire place in light in a few hours.]
Maruki-san showed me this place some time ago. Have you been here before?
[And that's all Eren gets-
Before he continues the trek in silence. Up and around a corner, a steep path up, until they reach a hidden area with a flower covered bench. A town below, the ocean beyond, a staggering cliff still behind and a sunrise that will bathe this entire place in light in a few hours.]
Maruki-san showed me this place some time ago. Have you been here before?
[Even given the holes in his memory, it's odd to enter this place and realize that it's something he's never seen before. At one time, hadn't Eren known every corner of Somnius? He looks to Akechi.]
I haven't.
[It's beautiful, unfitting of two monsters. It could be a backdrop for them if they were something prettier. Even so, Akechi's face is painted by moonlight; it seems to suit the place.]
I haven't.
[It's beautiful, unfitting of two monsters. It could be a backdrop for them if they were something prettier. Even so, Akechi's face is painted by moonlight; it seems to suit the place.]
Good.
[He doesn't move to sit. All he does is watch Eren from the center of this small path.
Watch how different he looks from the day a boy pleaded with him in a boiling hot bath. To see if that face will contort and enrage like he used to when they first met. Akechi hopes it does. ]
I thought now would be a good time to show you the site of that grave. Having a grand return to a false reality means you require a reminder of your real one. It felt appropriate.
[Dead mom. Dead Eren. It's all the same.]
I meant to show you before your sudden departure.
[He doesn't move to sit. All he does is watch Eren from the center of this small path.
Watch how different he looks from the day a boy pleaded with him in a boiling hot bath. To see if that face will contort and enrage like he used to when they first met. Akechi hopes it does. ]
I thought now would be a good time to show you the site of that grave. Having a grand return to a false reality means you require a reminder of your real one. It felt appropriate.
[Dead mom. Dead Eren. It's all the same.]
I meant to show you before your sudden departure.
[Hm...?
[Eren eyes the space. He'd almost forgotten. The memory now is frayed at the edges. They were side by side in a boiling bath, talking about mothers and graves.
[It does look like a lovely place to rest - quiet, hidden away, with a place for mourners to sit and weep.
[Eren was born to be grieved, but like a cockroach that can't be killed, those that grieve him are bound to be chained by him forever. It had seemed more dire, four years ago, to have a place to come die. He could do so repeatedly with the right memories - throw himself down on his sword again and again. There was appeal to that. He can remember craving the feeling of pain, because at least pain was better than nothing at all. Even then, he knew that he could never truly rest, but now...
[All hope gone, there's nothing left for desperation to cling to. A grave is a grave - his, or those he loves, or someone Akechi loved - and he feels nothing. They stand over the proverbial pit together, both watching. This would be a rather poetic moment for Akechi to slice off his head.]
You put a lot of thought into this. I'd almost say that's an honor.
Is this your taste?
[Eren eyes the space. He'd almost forgotten. The memory now is frayed at the edges. They were side by side in a boiling bath, talking about mothers and graves.
[It does look like a lovely place to rest - quiet, hidden away, with a place for mourners to sit and weep.
[Eren was born to be grieved, but like a cockroach that can't be killed, those that grieve him are bound to be chained by him forever. It had seemed more dire, four years ago, to have a place to come die. He could do so repeatedly with the right memories - throw himself down on his sword again and again. There was appeal to that. He can remember craving the feeling of pain, because at least pain was better than nothing at all. Even then, he knew that he could never truly rest, but now...
[All hope gone, there's nothing left for desperation to cling to. A grave is a grave - his, or those he loves, or someone Akechi loved - and he feels nothing. They stand over the proverbial pit together, both watching. This would be a rather poetic moment for Akechi to slice off his head.]
You put a lot of thought into this. I'd almost say that's an honor.
Is this your taste?
[No anger. No rage. No grief. Eren remains unprovoked and thoughtful.
Remains somber on this quiet cliffside - isn't incited by the reminder of a death he's experienced and will come again.
That's all there is. His arms cross over his chest - he doesn't look away. Doesn't blink.]
I have no preference, if you're asking about my ideal grave. A body is a body. I won't be around to know better.
[That's all there is to it.]
I take it you find this place suitable. If so, I'll consider this request completed.
Remains somber on this quiet cliffside - isn't incited by the reminder of a death he's experienced and will come again.
That's all there is. His arms cross over his chest - he doesn't look away. Doesn't blink.]
I have no preference, if you're asking about my ideal grave. A body is a body. I won't be around to know better.
[That's all there is to it.]
I take it you find this place suitable. If so, I'll consider this request completed.
[Akechi doesn't look away, doesn't blink. Eren remembers that look. He tried to rip him apart once. Akechi stared at him just like this.]
You're unhappy? Why?
You're unhappy? Why?
I'm not unhappy. I'm pleased. We both got what we wanted, didn't we? You, a grave. Myself, a favor to a friend granted. What else could I possibly want?
[Oh, his hackles are up. Bristling, despite the smile plastered.]
You've been gone for some time, so I'll let it go this once and offer you a reminder - don't misconstrue my feelings as you often did in your youth.
[Oh, his hackles are up. Bristling, despite the smile plastered.]
You've been gone for some time, so I'll let it go this once and offer you a reminder - don't misconstrue my feelings as you often did in your youth.
[ The start of their relationship, really. All three of them huddling together, ostensibly for warmth but really for comfort. All three too used to sharing space with a dozen, two dozen others in close proximity; having an entire room felt (and still feels) luxurious beyond belief. The beds that were too soft, too high off the ground (or not high enough).
Jean misses those times. He also knows they can't go back. ]
We didn't want to try to pile into one of the smaller ones for some reason.
[ They were still playing at platonic feelings. ]
... I still own the cottage. If you ever want to visit.
[ But Jean doesn't offer more than that, for the moment. ]
Jean misses those times. He also knows they can't go back. ]
We didn't want to try to pile into one of the smaller ones for some reason.
[ They were still playing at platonic feelings. ]
... I still own the cottage. If you ever want to visit.
[ But Jean doesn't offer more than that, for the moment. ]
Edited 2024-10-13 04:03 (UTC)
[Eren is quiet. Even fond memories of the cottage feel tainted to this day. He's not the sort to let go of a grudge. How would he feel walking through the door now?]
What we have here. I like it too.
[This place is more luxurious than anything that should be in his hands, but still. It's nice...]
What we have here. I like it too.
[This place is more luxurious than anything that should be in his hands, but still. It's nice...]
[ It is nice - there's a plethora of space for anyone to stay with them, from at home or new bonds formed here. They have plenty of animals, and Jean is still trying to start up an herb garden - he doesn't have as much of a green thumb as he'd like.
He smiles down at the picture he's sketching. ]
When I was younger... I wanted a fancy house in the interior. I wanted a wife, and at least one child, and in the evenings I'd drink fancy whiskey.
[ Why is he telling Eren this with a smile on his face? Well: ]
I think I like what we have here, better. I enjoy the quiet. I enjoy sitting here with you even when we don't talk at all, and I don't have to spend my night at the bottom of a bottle.
He smiles down at the picture he's sketching. ]
When I was younger... I wanted a fancy house in the interior. I wanted a wife, and at least one child, and in the evenings I'd drink fancy whiskey.
[ Why is he telling Eren this with a smile on his face? Well: ]
I think I like what we have here, better. I enjoy the quiet. I enjoy sitting here with you even when we don't talk at all, and I don't have to spend my night at the bottom of a bottle.
Edited 2024-10-13 04:33 (UTC)
[He'll just ignore that request altogether.]
I'm not sure what it is you want. I might have believed that, actually. You gave me exactly what I wanted. It's beautiful too. You could have just been doing that for a friend.
[Eren steps up closer to Akechi. He can see the moon's glow in the other man's eyes, unblinking.]
But you are unhappy. I can tell. You have that look in your eye again. Like you want to rip me apart.
Well. Look at where we're standing.
I'm not sure what it is you want. I might have believed that, actually. You gave me exactly what I wanted. It's beautiful too. You could have just been doing that for a friend.
[Eren steps up closer to Akechi. He can see the moon's glow in the other man's eyes, unblinking.]
But you are unhappy. I can tell. You have that look in your eye again. Like you want to rip me apart.
Well. Look at where we're standing.
[Eren has to force himself to let Jean have this, and to let himself have it, too, if only for the moment. One way or another, this reality will be dealt with. Control will be relinquished. Decisions will have to be made. And those decisions may be at the expense of things like a peaceful life in a quiet farmhouse.
[But it's alright. It's alright to enjoy the sunset from their forest-facing window. It's alright to eat well. It's alright to be together while they can be.
[He tells himself this. He tries.]
Did you drink while I was gone? [Eren's voice doesn't change much, but it's intended to be a gentle question. He hates the idea of it.
[He just wonders if Jean missed him.]
[But it's alright. It's alright to enjoy the sunset from their forest-facing window. It's alright to eat well. It's alright to be together while they can be.
[He tells himself this. He tries.]
Did you drink while I was gone? [Eren's voice doesn't change much, but it's intended to be a gentle question. He hates the idea of it.
[He just wonders if Jean missed him.]
I thought about it.
[ Jean says it softly, beginning to put details on the sketch. He starts with Eren's face. That blank, placid expression that he can't help but try and tilt into a little smile as he sketches it. It looks out of place, a little fake.
He leaves it for now. Wishful thinking. ]
I missed you terribly, and towards the end I thought you weren't coming back at all. I reminded myself it never did anything for all the Garrison and ex-Scouts back home who couldn't forget what they'd seen.
And I didn't want to try to forget you.
[ Jean says it softly, beginning to put details on the sketch. He starts with Eren's face. That blank, placid expression that he can't help but try and tilt into a little smile as he sketches it. It looks out of place, a little fake.
He leaves it for now. Wishful thinking. ]
I missed you terribly, and towards the end I thought you weren't coming back at all. I reminded myself it never did anything for all the Garrison and ex-Scouts back home who couldn't forget what they'd seen.
And I didn't want to try to forget you.
No, he'll never understand. It isn't just because he hasn't lived it, those missing four years, that last struggle - it's because to Levi, it's a simple fucking decision. There's no justification for it and never would be, no reason that could ever convince him that such horrific loss of life on that scale is necessary. Sometimes people died because shitty things happen beyond their control, and other times there's definite, definitive sources of blame, decisions that led them there, that people made knowingly.
He doesn't understand the fucked up circumstances, but even if someone could explain it to him, Levi still doesn't believe in this sort of "inevitability" when there had been a choice no to.
The subtle shifts in Eren's expression don't go unnoticed, but when he still gives him nothing and starts to leave, that anger flares to life all over again.
The flash of gray eyes is all the warning he gives before he strikes out with his foot again, kicking Eren's shin out from under him and driving his knee into his chest when he buckles, feeling ribs crack.
"I didn't fucking say you could go," he hisses, looming darkly. "Why the fuck did you do it, Eren? What did you think it would accomplish? Could your puny brain not wrap itself around anything else?" No answer would absolve him, but Levi wants to hear it anyway. Another kick and a heel planted to one shoulder pushes Eren onto his back, holds him down as Levi leans down to glare menacingly. There's nothing but rage and pain in his chest now as he stares into a face older and so changed than he last knew. Bring him back, part of him wants to scream, mourning.
Instead he just waits, tense with fury, fists clenched so hard his hands ache, to see if Eren will just deny him again.
He doesn't understand the fucked up circumstances, but even if someone could explain it to him, Levi still doesn't believe in this sort of "inevitability" when there had been a choice no to.
The subtle shifts in Eren's expression don't go unnoticed, but when he still gives him nothing and starts to leave, that anger flares to life all over again.
The flash of gray eyes is all the warning he gives before he strikes out with his foot again, kicking Eren's shin out from under him and driving his knee into his chest when he buckles, feeling ribs crack.
"I didn't fucking say you could go," he hisses, looming darkly. "Why the fuck did you do it, Eren? What did you think it would accomplish? Could your puny brain not wrap itself around anything else?" No answer would absolve him, but Levi wants to hear it anyway. Another kick and a heel planted to one shoulder pushes Eren onto his back, holds him down as Levi leans down to glare menacingly. There's nothing but rage and pain in his chest now as he stares into a face older and so changed than he last knew. Bring him back, part of him wants to scream, mourning.
Instead he just waits, tense with fury, fists clenched so hard his hands ache, to see if Eren will just deny him again.
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