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Hm? [There's a sound of genuine surprise. Eren turns his head to look at his friend, cheek pressed into his pillow.]
I could, I guess. [He's trimmed his own hair before when necessary.] It can't be that hard.
I could, I guess. [He's trimmed his own hair before when necessary.] It can't be that hard.
[ Success! He wasn't even angling for this when he first brought it up, but success nonetheless. ]
I'd appreciate it. And if it turns out you're terrible at it, well... it'll grow back!
[ Never been vain a day in his life, that Maruki.
Now that Eren's looking at him and not just laying there like a corpse, he reaches over to gently tug on an arm. Come on. How many nights have they done this since Eren's return? Sleep like a normal person. ]
I'd appreciate it. And if it turns out you're terrible at it, well... it'll grow back!
[ Never been vain a day in his life, that Maruki.
Now that Eren's looking at him and not just laying there like a corpse, he reaches over to gently tug on an arm. Come on. How many nights have they done this since Eren's return? Sleep like a normal person. ]
[He just needs the invitation, really. He's not sure why that is. Maruki only sees Eren as his friend, not a blade that's too sharp to touch. Still. Eren's found it difficult to reach out to anyone. He feels like his touch alone could kill.
[It doesn't. He shifts onto his side, how he's most comfortable, and faces his friend.]
I'll cut it in the morning, then. It doesn't look bad though. Maybe you should reconsider.
[It doesn't. He shifts onto his side, how he's most comfortable, and faces his friend.]
I'll cut it in the morning, then. It doesn't look bad though. Maybe you should reconsider.
[ Maruki's face does something truly stupid then, eyes lifting to try to look at his own hair flopped across his forehead, brows raised high, mouth in a little oh. ]
You like it? Eh... It gets annoying, though...
[ He would like to feel a breeze on the back of his neck again, thanks!!! ]
Well, who knows? Maybe that war will come back to us and I'll lose track of time and grow it out again.
[ Now shut up and let him roll closer so he can pet Eren's hair. ]
You like it? Eh... It gets annoying, though...
[ He would like to feel a breeze on the back of his neck again, thanks!!! ]
Well, who knows? Maybe that war will come back to us and I'll lose track of time and grow it out again.
[ Now shut up and let him roll closer so he can pet Eren's hair. ]
[Well, Eren's not gonna twist his arm about it. They get closer. It's so easy. Eren feels himself relax, muscles releasing all tension. He carries so much without even realizing.
[There are hands in his hair. He closes his eyes. He's always loved this feeling. When he was young, it was his mother; later, Mikasa, Armin. When Eren wants to comfort someone, this is just what he does - hands through hair, as easy as anything.
[He hugs his friend, presses his face into his chest. He never wants to be alone again...]
[There are hands in his hair. He closes his eyes. He's always loved this feeling. When he was young, it was his mother; later, Mikasa, Armin. When Eren wants to comfort someone, this is just what he does - hands through hair, as easy as anything.
[He hugs his friend, presses his face into his chest. He never wants to be alone again...]
[ Eren goes quiet, still, relaxed, and it's a personal victory for Maruki. He lets Eren bury into his chest, cards soothing fingers through his hair, careful not to tangle this time.
His voice is softer after a long spell of silence between them. ]
I could never hate you, no matter what you do. In any reality. I hope you believe that.
His voice is softer after a long spell of silence between them. ]
I could never hate you, no matter what you do. In any reality. I hope you believe that.
[Eren's already started falling asleep. Maruki's words cut through a half-dreaming haze. Eren thinks, at first, that they must not be real.
[No, that's Maruki's voice. He's still awake.
[And they're heavy words. Eren feels his throat go tight.
[He deserves every ounce of hatred that he receives. He knows this.
[He still wants to be loved. Who doesn't want to be loved? Better yet if someone could love him without also hating him. He thinks they all do, even if it's just a little bit. Loving Eren is a terrible thing.
[He knows this.
[But Maruki has never made him feel that way. "I could never hate you," and Eren doesn't deserve it, but he believes it. It's so much. One person whom he can trust above all others...
[His voice comes out quiet, hoarse.]
I know...
[No, that's Maruki's voice. He's still awake.
[And they're heavy words. Eren feels his throat go tight.
[He deserves every ounce of hatred that he receives. He knows this.
[He still wants to be loved. Who doesn't want to be loved? Better yet if someone could love him without also hating him. He thinks they all do, even if it's just a little bit. Loving Eren is a terrible thing.
[He knows this.
[But Maruki has never made him feel that way. "I could never hate you," and Eren doesn't deserve it, but he believes it. It's so much. One person whom he can trust above all others...
[His voice comes out quiet, hoarse.]
I know...
[ It's simply the truth. Maruki doesn't remember sharing Eren's reality with him, but he's heard about it, and he knows himself. He knows that even that version of himself, who would have had every reason to hate Eren for lying to him, for ensuring his death – even he wouldn't have. They said goodbye at The Paths. How could Maruki ever hate someone who loved him enough to remember him, and to say goodbye?
He sifts through Eren's hair, cornsilk soft. ]
It's hard, isn't it? Even if you think you deserve it, it's still hard.
He sifts through Eren's hair, cornsilk soft. ]
It's hard, isn't it? Even if you think you deserve it, it's still hard.
[Somehow, Maruki knows. Somehow, Maruki understands. Of course he does.
[Eren feels himself breathe - sudden, as if he hadn't been. Maruki and he's entire relationship is based on Eren telling the truth about how he feels, but that has gotten hard too. He manages to nod his head. That's all.]
[Eren feels himself breathe - sudden, as if he hadn't been. Maruki and he's entire relationship is based on Eren telling the truth about how he feels, but that has gotten hard too. He manages to nod his head. That's all.]
[They do. Eren knows they do. That makes it worse, maybe. Or maybe it would be worse if they only hated them, if they didn't love him at all. There's no right answer. It hurts to be loved by them, it hurts to be hated by them, it hurts not to have them now, and it would have hurt not to have had them at all.
[It isn't just Eren's mind that's a mess. His heart is a miserable tangle of rage and passion, and it isn't just funneled into hatred. He loves violently. It's miserable.
[He hated being alone, but it's how things should be. It's better for everyone that way.
[He knows.
[He clings more tightly to Maruki. It wasn't better for him...
[He doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He couldn't find the words if he tried. He feels like if he opens his mouth he'll vomit.
[So, he just holds on. Eventually, sleep will find them, like it has every other night together. He'll forever be chasing the rest he needs.]
[It isn't just Eren's mind that's a mess. His heart is a miserable tangle of rage and passion, and it isn't just funneled into hatred. He loves violently. It's miserable.
[He hated being alone, but it's how things should be. It's better for everyone that way.
[He knows.
[He clings more tightly to Maruki. It wasn't better for him...
[He doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He couldn't find the words if he tried. He feels like if he opens his mouth he'll vomit.
[So, he just holds on. Eventually, sleep will find them, like it has every other night together. He'll forever be chasing the rest he needs.]
[He can find it as trite as he wants, but the truth is, how often do you get to encounter a situation like this? To talk to people from not only worlds similar enough to yours to be a hairs breadth apart, but to talk to people from even more fantastical places that you could never dream of?
It's a giant mixing pot. There's much to be learned.]
I'll be doing more than keeping my eyes open. Since I've gotten my powers back, I've sent out a few demons to help scout out and try and discover more clues and leads that might be worthwhile to follow up on. Nothing yet, but I've only just gotten them back.
It's a giant mixing pot. There's much to be learned.]
I'll be doing more than keeping my eyes open. Since I've gotten my powers back, I've sent out a few demons to help scout out and try and discover more clues and leads that might be worthwhile to follow up on. Nothing yet, but I've only just gotten them back.
You're working with others, then, I assume?
Not yet, no. Like I've said, I've mostly just been keeping an eye on other people. No point in wasting energy with people who aren't as motivated about it, right?
[Not that he'll outright ignore those people, but they're just not people he'd choose to work with when it comes down to it.]
[Not that he'll outright ignore those people, but they're just not people he'd choose to work with when it comes down to it.]
[It seems they're on the same page, in that respect.
[There was a time where Eren would have offered to be allies with anyone in Somnius that appeared to have convictions that were even in the same realm as his own. As it stands now, he'll watch the same way Kazuya watches. He's been here long enough that he has the benefit of a network he can trust. Perhaps Kazuya should be a part of that. Time will tell.]
I'd agree with that.
If that's all, then I'll assume you'll stop following me now. Unless you really are looking for a meal.
[There was a time where Eren would have offered to be allies with anyone in Somnius that appeared to have convictions that were even in the same realm as his own. As it stands now, he'll watch the same way Kazuya watches. He's been here long enough that he has the benefit of a network he can trust. Perhaps Kazuya should be a part of that. Time will tell.]
I'd agree with that.
If that's all, then I'll assume you'll stop following me now. Unless you really are looking for a meal.
[ Kazuya laughs to his comment, giving a helpless little shrug. He is, kind of. Though it's not as if he's near starving animal levels yet.]
I wouldn't mind a meal, honestly. I wasn't kidding when I said you smell delicious. But I'm also not about to force it either.
I wouldn't mind a meal, honestly. I wasn't kidding when I said you smell delicious. But I'm also not about to force it either.
[Hm? Now, that's interesting.]
You thought you might negotiate eating me? How does that work, exactly? [Just blood, maybe?]
You thought you might negotiate eating me? How does that work, exactly? [Just blood, maybe?]
[Well, that description makes the answer quite easy.]
No.
[He's had quite enough of people feeding on any and every part of him. Tension weighs down the air like a stone.]
Not now, and not in the future, so don't ask again. I'm going to leave now. If you follow me again, I will retaliate.
I see every fight through to its end.
[And he will, in fact, take his leave after that. Assuming Kazuya doesn't follow him, he'll make no more of an issue. If he does, however...]
No.
[He's had quite enough of people feeding on any and every part of him. Tension weighs down the air like a stone.]
Not now, and not in the future, so don't ask again. I'm going to leave now. If you follow me again, I will retaliate.
I see every fight through to its end.
[And he will, in fact, take his leave after that. Assuming Kazuya doesn't follow him, he'll make no more of an issue. If he does, however...]
See you later, then.
[ He's not about to push it. The last thing he needs to do here is make enemies already, so instead he just gives Eren a small wave as he walks off instead.
Besides, he's trying to be Non-problematic demon king, and forcefully feeding off of someone is not the way to go for that. ]
[ He's not about to push it. The last thing he needs to do here is make enemies already, so instead he just gives Eren a small wave as he walks off instead.
Besides, he's trying to be Non-problematic demon king, and forcefully feeding off of someone is not the way to go for that. ]
After a year in this place, Levi has learned that the only thing he can count on in this place is the ebb and flow of particularly fucked up, stressful events that manage to string themselves together right in a row. Unfortunately, there's no predicting when calm will suddenly turn to chaos, and while it's not as though he's unused to extreme stress or violent things happening without warning, that hardly means he's unaffected.
Frankly, he's fucking worn out.
So Jean's message that Eren is gone coming on the heels of the latest round of fuckery just adds to the pile.
Unlike his last few rounds of losses, however, he can't help but notice how much more complicated it feels. Maybe it shouldn't be surprising, given what he'd learned; the realization that Eren is on an immutable path. Still, Levi recognizes that part of him is relieved in addition to the sorrow. But even that is complicated, too. Sorrow at losing him, sorrow at knowing what he'll go on to do, sorrow at knowing the only solution will be killing him.
The sudden emptiness of that bond still hurts. It feels different from losing Hange, from gaining the memories of Erwin's death. He can't help but think of Mikasa, both of them now like empty threads dangling in the wind, frayed ends like something's been cut loose.
In the following days, Levi rides to the farm to help look after Elke. Jean could probably manage, but he has less to do for the moment. The tea shop is open sporadically, at once providing distraction but also making him feel a little too confined without enough help to keep it open all day. But making sure Elke is taken care of...feels about like the only thing he can do.
It's a blessedly quiet day when there's a knock at the door. He's left Erwin to mind the shop for a few hours, just needing some time to himself, although the cottage quickly feels too...empty, too quiet. All of his life, there's always been some sort of din of humanity around him. But when he's by himself in their own dwelling it almost feels...lifeless. What will he do when Erwin leaves, too?
(Because, inevitably, he'll probably be the only one to remain here, too.)
So the unannounced visitor is a welcome interruption. Levi pads softly to the door in his slippers, a cup of half-finished tea on the table, and opens the door.
It takes half a heartbeat before recognition kicks in, and then suddenly it's like an icy stone dropping through his chest into the very pit of his stomach. Surprise is evident on his face, gray eyes wide, lips faintly parted. Realization slides like cold water down the back of his neck.
This is not the same Eren he'd seen last. Just as he feels something once again on the other end of that bond, Levi feels the gulf widen even more. Does it stretch beyond that footbridge they'd built before, right here in this very room?
Had it reached its limit even before he'd gone?
Stunned silence stretches for a time even he can't account for, and the longer it goes, the sicker he feels - grief, loss, anger starting to churn violently, confronted with the very thing he'd never wanted to happen.
Eventually, Levi swallows tightly, and drawls out: "What's the matter, Eren? Couldn't get enough of this weirdass place? Had to go and grow a few more inches? Not like you needed them."
Frankly, he's fucking worn out.
So Jean's message that Eren is gone coming on the heels of the latest round of fuckery just adds to the pile.
Unlike his last few rounds of losses, however, he can't help but notice how much more complicated it feels. Maybe it shouldn't be surprising, given what he'd learned; the realization that Eren is on an immutable path. Still, Levi recognizes that part of him is relieved in addition to the sorrow. But even that is complicated, too. Sorrow at losing him, sorrow at knowing what he'll go on to do, sorrow at knowing the only solution will be killing him.
The sudden emptiness of that bond still hurts. It feels different from losing Hange, from gaining the memories of Erwin's death. He can't help but think of Mikasa, both of them now like empty threads dangling in the wind, frayed ends like something's been cut loose.
In the following days, Levi rides to the farm to help look after Elke. Jean could probably manage, but he has less to do for the moment. The tea shop is open sporadically, at once providing distraction but also making him feel a little too confined without enough help to keep it open all day. But making sure Elke is taken care of...feels about like the only thing he can do.
It's a blessedly quiet day when there's a knock at the door. He's left Erwin to mind the shop for a few hours, just needing some time to himself, although the cottage quickly feels too...empty, too quiet. All of his life, there's always been some sort of din of humanity around him. But when he's by himself in their own dwelling it almost feels...lifeless. What will he do when Erwin leaves, too?
(Because, inevitably, he'll probably be the only one to remain here, too.)
So the unannounced visitor is a welcome interruption. Levi pads softly to the door in his slippers, a cup of half-finished tea on the table, and opens the door.
It takes half a heartbeat before recognition kicks in, and then suddenly it's like an icy stone dropping through his chest into the very pit of his stomach. Surprise is evident on his face, gray eyes wide, lips faintly parted. Realization slides like cold water down the back of his neck.
This is not the same Eren he'd seen last. Just as he feels something once again on the other end of that bond, Levi feels the gulf widen even more. Does it stretch beyond that footbridge they'd built before, right here in this very room?
Had it reached its limit even before he'd gone?
Stunned silence stretches for a time even he can't account for, and the longer it goes, the sicker he feels - grief, loss, anger starting to churn violently, confronted with the very thing he'd never wanted to happen.
Eventually, Levi swallows tightly, and drawls out: "What's the matter, Eren? Couldn't get enough of this weirdass place? Had to go and grow a few more inches? Not like you needed them."
[It seems that neither of them know quite how to act. Eren might have expected that. He's gotten too good at wearing a mask when he's uncertain. That cold stone sinking in Levi is founded; there's nothing warm about the way Eren stands, stares.
[Inside, his emotions are a storm. Levi is in one piece again, and Eren, having somehow pushed his cowardice aside, is standing on his doorstep. The man he'd come to consider family doesn't appear happy to see him, but, of course, he wouldn't be. Eren can't blame him for that. He can't blame any one of them.
[Still, that chasm stands between the both of them, wider than it's ever been. Eren has not earned the right to stand before his hero; all the same, he sees no point in hiding. Feels no real intimidation like he might have before, only...shame, which he's well-equipped to swallow.
[His voice is even. It betrays nothing.]
I hadn't intended to leave yet. I couldn't control returning, either, of course. [He thinks he could. He thinks he has. But he won't tell Levi that.]
Things have changed. If you want me to leave you alone, I'll do that.
Still...
I wanted to see you. Levi.
[Inside, his emotions are a storm. Levi is in one piece again, and Eren, having somehow pushed his cowardice aside, is standing on his doorstep. The man he'd come to consider family doesn't appear happy to see him, but, of course, he wouldn't be. Eren can't blame him for that. He can't blame any one of them.
[Still, that chasm stands between the both of them, wider than it's ever been. Eren has not earned the right to stand before his hero; all the same, he sees no point in hiding. Feels no real intimidation like he might have before, only...shame, which he's well-equipped to swallow.
[His voice is even. It betrays nothing.]
I hadn't intended to leave yet. I couldn't control returning, either, of course. [He thinks he could. He thinks he has. But he won't tell Levi that.]
Things have changed. If you want me to leave you alone, I'll do that.
Still...
I wanted to see you. Levi.
[He is content to be lead and sits with Eren, swinging his feet a little as he does.]
Yes! I will be human. They are good and I like them.
Yes! I will be human. They are good and I like them.
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