abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[She goes quiet.]

[How many times.]

[“I won’t leave you… I won’t…”]

[How. many. godforesaken times, has Aubrey found herself begging to hear that. On the playground, as children jeer; with friends, when she had them, just an assurance; at the wake; at the funeral(, at the funeral, at the funeral, at the funeral, at the funeral); in the hall, when they wouldn’t even look at her; in her bed, trying and failing to ignore the shouting; beneath a stained-glass window; in the road, as her father’s car disappears over the horizon for good; on the floor, hands stained with ink and dye; before a headstone; at a treehouse, at his house, at a sleepover, just before—]

[“I promise.”]

[It’s relief. It’s dread. She feels like her viscera are on the floor, scrambled and scribbled and blackened, spilling rotted clots of ooze. There is no steam.]

[This must be drowning.]

[It’s gotten dark. Not because it’s night, or because they’re somewhere else—this is nowhere at all. It’s everywhere. The lake was only ever an illusion.]

[If catharsis is release then Aubrey has nothing left in her at all. One hand leaves the flushed warmth of Eren’s face and pushes, halfheartedly, against his shoulder. She wants to look up, see him, and only him.]

Thank you. [A whisper, if he’ll allow it.] For saving my life.

[Eren relents when Aubrey pushes on his shoulder. He sits up straighter, leans back. He finds that he desperately wants to see her too - glistening, bloodshot eyes; her soft, broken face...He keeps his arms around her.

[It's dark. Night? When did the warm sun leave them? There's a moon, ripe and full, raining a spotlight down upon them and only them; but Eren's tree from Shiganshina is branching out above them, partially obscuring them from the light. The hill is there too, and the fireflies that used to dance around it in the summertime.

[There's no town to look down upon, but there is, far off in the distance, what reminds him of the market square and its weekend dances. He can hear the faintest wisp of music traveling up the hill, outmatched by the hum of cicadas.

[He cups her cheek with his hand. His thumb runs gently over it.]

I will always save your life.

[Aubrey surfaces to (who else?) Eren, Eren Jaeger. His thumb on her cheek. If she wasn’t so exhausted the softness might have tugged at her; as-is, he wipes away her despair.]

I’ll save yours, too. [She feels lightheaded. Her throat’s still raw, but she manages this much.] Always. [Much as she can. She doesn’t want to think about the alternative.]

[Aubrey takes in an unsteady breath. The world ended, and she’s still here. Eren’s still here. He always will be.]

[The shift in scenery registers, faintly, fireflies flickering in the periphery. She only sees them as much as they illuminate Eren, and she studies his face. It’s nice to see him, finally, so… calm, while awake. Took long enough for her to notice. They’re still so close....]

Where, ah… [She clears her throat, tries to get some of the hoarseness out. There’s a dull throb from the crying jag and it leaves Aubrey looking utterly exhausted; she tells herself it’s not the bad kind. It doesn’t have to be. They’e somewhere else, now.] Where are we?

[Even with the question, her eyes don’t leave him.]

Edited 2023-10-03 05:39 (UTC)

[She’s calm. He’s calm. The night is peaceful, and war is far away. Eren’s hand doesn’t leave Aubrey’s cheek, thumb still gently stroking. There’s a pleasant, aching tightness in his chest. He’s only felt something like this a handful of times; it’s never felt quite like this.

[He glances up, moving only his eyes. They go back to Aubrey mere moments later.]

This tree - it’s a special place to me.

I haven’t seen it in a long time…

[Memories of treasured friends; reading Armin’s book, falling asleep in Mikasa’s lap…A breeze whips up that flows past them, making the messy strands of Eren’s hair float up.

[He and Aubrey have just made each other their responsibilities…]

[She’ll take this responsibility to her grave.]

[Aubrey follows Eren’s glance up, at the moon’s spotlight through the tree. No wonder she could see him so clearly, even if her eyes are still bleary and tired.... It might have been embarrassing, with her face still red, but Eren’s voice and hand keep that at bay, too.]

[Although it’d be nice to survey the hill a little more, maybe try to see where that music’s coming from… that’d mean moving her head, and she doesn’t want Eren to stop. So Aubrey’s full attention settles back on him, his quiet nostalgia. It’s a little funny to see his messy strands float up like that; Aubrey doesn’t quite smile, but there’s a trace of one in her eyes as she finally wills one hand to leave him, only to brush those strands aside.]

[There’s a faint confusion with the breeze, too, like she’s forgotten something. Maybe best not to dwell on it…?]

This is nice. [Aubrey’s voice is still soft. She is, theoretically, talking about the place. Her gaze is fixed on the gentle storm of his eyes, instead.] Really nice....

[It is nice. It's very nice. It's the nicest he's felt in years, at least; such a frightening feeling too, for how swiftly it could all end, and for how quickly it came up in the first place. The chaos of the last few hours feels dangerously far away. Is this another effect of this strange universe?

[He knows that it isn't. This is something far more terrifying. This is hope. The word festers in his gut. It can't be real; hope is dead and so is he. But Aubrey's cheek is warm under his hand, and the cicadas are buzzing, and the leaves of his tree are rustling in the breeze, and music from a phantom Shiganshina is humming in the distance.

[This moment may never come again; it's most likely that it won't. "Temporary". Wasn't he the one who said so? His heart aches at that. He's never been one to feel content with a simple life, but maybe if things had been different, he could have sat under this tree every night and felt at peace like this...

[He could pretend, just for a few minutes, that this is all there is to life, couldn't he?

[Subtly, gently, he shifts his hand to better hold the side of Aubrey's face. He leans in until their noses are brushing, then pressing together. His neck and arms break out with cold goosebumps, and his stomach flips just like he really were nothing more than nineteen.

[He kisses her. It's the freest thing he's ever done.]

[Her heart skips a beat when he shifts. She knows what’s coming just before it does—their faces closer, touching, and then—!]

[Nothing else matters.]

[Without protest, Aubrey shuts her eyes and loses herself to her lips on Eren Jaeger’s, his hold on her face, their breathing and their heartbeat. Her hands travel to his jawline, cupping him, pulling in as she tilts her head into the kiss, as if they can’t get close enough. Faintly she notices the goosebumps. Cute.]

[It’s nothing like the fumbled blushes and cold sweats of the movies, at least not to her. She always thought it might be, but… no. This is all she wants. It’s all she can do, pressing her body onto him, starving for his warmth.]

[She won’t break it first. It is, she thinks, a wordless I love you.]

[Eren's first kiss was nervous, sudden, and hidden. It had felt high stakes and anxious; exceptionally exciting. But he doesn't think of that now - not for more than a few fleeting seconds, anyway. He doesn't want anything to ruin this; he doesn't want this peace to disappear - not yet (not ever).

[Aubrey. Aubrey, who challenges and infuriates him, who reminds him of everything he is and everything he's not, who plants both shame and hope in his heart, who defends the interests of his friends, who desperately wants to save his life, the world. Her kiss feels like a wordless "I love you." It's the only type that Eren knows how to return. He kisses her, lips burning, moving slowly against her own. His hand leaves her cheek to slip through her hair and rest at the nape of her neck, subconsciously protective. His other hand comes to rest on her hip, gripping gently. Their bodies are pressed together; his radiates warmth, as always. He notes how Aubrey clings to it.

[The kiss lasts and lasts, neither one of them intending on breaking it first. Eren doesn't know what finally parts them, but he keeps his forehead against hers, breathless and calm, his eyes closed, his heart racing. He tilts his head up, he kisses her forehead too. He lingers there. He loves her.]

[Of course she clings to it. It’s all she knows now, wants to know. Eren—who said it wasn’t her fault, because it was always a lost cause. Eren, whose hand trails through her hair. Eren, who said caring is a detriment; because it’s one only they can share. Eren, palm on her neck drawing a shiver. Eren, who’s broken his friends’ hearts, saved her, destroyed her, made himself impossible to avoid and impossible to leave. Eren, whose grip on her hip she meets with both arms around his neck, hands in his hair, tangled, locked, hers. Eren, caged, alive, warm. Eren. Eren.]

[No one can know her like Eren Jaeger.]

[She’s breathless when they part; she’s not sure why, etiher. But Eren is none too eager to break the touch, and neither is Aubrey; she lowers her head in turn, indulging his lingering for a while. Then, without warning, she places a soft kiss on his cheek, just like he thumbed at her. He can’t have all the fun, here.]

You’re mine.

[Eren nods, quiet and reverent. He brings hand up to brush his thumb over her bottom lip.]

Your detriment.

[Alright. The thumb on her lip gets her.

[She grabs at his shirt—] Always. [—and throws herself at him again.]

PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

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self-indulgent headcanon here

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