PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[abandonhumanity]

I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine
and rage the likes of which you would not believe.
If I cannot satisfy the one,
I will indulge the other.

Comments

surprise 2/2

[abandonhumanity]

Actually...

[At this, he straightens where he stands, staring down his nose at her.]

That isn't true.

Armin knows. And he believes me just fine.

[A cold chess piece.]

You could take a page out of that book, Aubrey.

[headhooligan]

[—She wanted him to be mad at her, didn’t she?]

You weren’t supposed to hear that.

[It’s dark. Aubrey’s voice comes out small.]

Why are you— I’m sorry I don’t get it…?

[It’s genuine. It’s not. She doesn’t know.]

[Why are you like this?]

[abandonhumanity]

I guess I wasn't supposed to hear that either. You should maintain your thoughts better.

[Why is he like this? Why is he doing this to her? Aren't they supposed to be reaching for peace? Why can't he just be reasonable for once in his goddamn life?]

Because I'm a monster, Aubrey. I always have been. I always will be.

It doesn't matter how human you think I am.

[It's true that he's a monster; is it not his very humanity that makes him all the more monstrous, though? You could excuse a monster for what he's done. You'd have no choice.]

[headhooligan]

Stop talking like that.

[“I’m the end of the world.”]

You know I’d love you anyway.

[Her chest feels tight.] You want my thoughts? [It’s hard to keep her voice steady with him staring down, down at her.] Why are you treating me like this again?

[abandonhumanity]

[Eren's always had scruples. They've never mattered - they've never actually made any difference - but he's always had them. They feel closer than ever now, staring down at Aubrey like she's the dirt beneath his feet.

[His wife. He promised to protect her. He devoted his life to her. He promised to live for her. And now, she's sinking away from him.

[He couldn't scare Armin and Mikasa off. Should he really be taking it for granted that he won't scare Aubrey off either...?

[Why is he treating Aubrey like this again? Only moments ago, he'd felt so light, so calm, so...happy.

['I don't deserve it.'

[Once again, he lets his head fall, casts his eyes away. He looks human again - young, fallible, uncertain. He can't meet her eyes, let alone stare down at her.]

I...don't know.

[He doesn't feel like saying sorry...

['Forget about me.'

[He argues against his thoughts out loud.]

No. Don't. Don't...

[headhooligan]

[“I don’t deserve it.” They are the same. They are the same. “We are the—”]

[The second Eren looks away, human and unsure, the tension in Aubrey crashes, swallowed by a wave of… well, it’s something. But she grabs for his hand, tight.]

[He might be telling her not to respond.] I don’t care. I won’t—

Eren, don’t you understand? [A plea. She reaches with both hands to clasp his, whether he allowed the initial grab or not, and begs him to see her.] Who cares what we deserve? We’re here for each other....

[She wants to smother him in kisses until neither of them can think.]

[abandonhumanity]

[He lets her clasp his hands; clasps hers back, in fact, an almost desperate thing. His expression is pained, human once again. Not for the first time, he wishes that he could force his icy facade back into place; now that it's shattered, he's not sure he ever will be able to again.

[They are the same, in some ways. He's the one who told her that, and he'd meant it at the time, but...]

Aubrey, you're...not a monster...

['Don't you understand?']

Your sins don't even come close to what I've done.

You deserve happiness. It isn't the same...

[headhooligan]

[There’s no arguing about their sins; really, who could compare to eighty percent? But if the feeling of monstrousness was anywhere near proportionate to reality, Aubrey and Eren wouldn’t have met. It’s only gotten worse since.]

[If she had anywhere near Armin’s resolve, she might say they all deserve happiness.] That doesn’t matter, either. [She doesn’t.]

[Aubrey steps forward, raising their hands to their chests—one heart thudding, the other still.]

I will always want you to be happy. And… you make me happy.

[That godforesaken hallway is gnawing at the edge of her consciousness.]

Okay?

[abandonhumanity]

[Beneath Aubrey's hand, where it lay on Eren's chest: one low, solitary thud.]

Do I?

[It's a genuine, searching question.]

[headhooligan]

[A jolt. Dangerously, dangerously close to hope.]

Yes.

[Almost breathless, as she stares, wide-eyed, from his face to his chest and back up again. Right now…]

Yes.

Eren, your…

[abandonhumanity]

What…?

Why are you looking at me like that…?

[headhooligan]

Y— Your heart, it just—

[She presses her ear to it, head resting desperate on his chest. Please. Please…]

[abandonhumanity]

[Aubrey rests her head on his chest. He still hasn’t quite processed why. His heart beating or not beating has been the last thing on his mind.

[Still, when she rests there, he weaves his fingers through her hair, protective and gentle.

[He loves her desperately.

[Another low thud.]

[headhooligan]

[Her breath, already shallow, catches at his touch. That thud.... Aubrey could cry.]

Please....

[I just want you to be warm again.]

[abandonhumanity]

[Eren doesn’t have breath to catch, but he remembers the feeling.

[To be loved so deeply by someone so beautiful, with such conviction, with such desperation…]

Aubrey…

[Another beat. He’s aware of it now.

[’Am I really that cold…?’

[Slowly, he wraps both arms around her, holding her there to his chest.

[Another beat.]

I love you…

[”Will I ever be warm again…?”]

Don’t cry…

[headhooligan]

[At the third beat, tears brim; at the fourth, they fall. Not quite crying yet, though. She has to hear this....]

[This time, the response in silence is intended. “There’s still warmth in you. I know it.”]

[Aubrey Jaeger wraps her arms around Eren, and holds him in lieu of release.] I love you, too. [She has to say this out loud, at least, much as it’s barely a whisper.] I love you.

I love you.

[abandonhumanity]

I know...

[His voice is soft. He's...overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by love, and not for the first time. For all the people that hate Eren Jaeger, those who should hate him the most refuse. He's never quite learned how to cope with that. His heart beats once more. Aubrey's head is still on his chest.

[He didn't think it particularly significant - in some ways, he's alive; in other ways, he'll always be dead. But it matters to Aubrey. She weeps because his heart is beating. She hushes herself to hear it more clearly. And it beats again; in fact, begins beating. It's slow - slow enough that anyone whose heart was actually beating at this rate would be dying themself. But it's steady. It's there.

[He thinks Aubrey is to blame.

[The tips of his fingers are warm against her scalp.]

I'm here now.

[headhooligan]

[It’s funny; in a way it shouldn’t matter. It’s as she insists—what they deserve, whether they’re monsters, bitingly cold or achingly warm, they’re here. Eren was killed. That won’t change.

[But his heart’s beating now, and his fingertips are warm, and that means everything.]

[Aubrey brings a hand to her mouth, an out-of-practice stifle, while the other thumbs and tugs gently at Eren’s nape, protective as it is wanting. She could listen to his heartbeat forever.]

[“You’re back....”

[I’ll keep your heart beating as long as I live.]

[abandonhumanity]

[He's overcome. Her silent, whispered thoughts; a rare gift from the universe, a love that doesn't need to be spoken, a connection that runs as deep and steady as a heartbeat.

[He doesn't want to pry her away, but he can't help himself. He takes her face in his hands if she lets him; he kisses her, endlessly passionate - warm lips, warm breath - breath. If there was one person who could keep Eren's heart beating, it would be Aubrey Jaeger, his wife, his Detriment, his purpose.

[He loves her so painfully. They can make it. They have to.

['Feel my love.'

['Know me.']

[headhooligan]

[Aubrey might never not let Eren take her face in his hands, let him kiss her. Now, and very nearly always, she’ll kiss him back—though this time, only one hand cradles his face, the other lying on his chest like a vow. Her own heart beats more alive than ever as Eren Jaeger breathes, passion coursing through his veins to hers.]

[She doesn’t break the kiss. “You know that’s all I want.” Maybe this thought-speak isn’t so bad.]

[abandonhumanity]

[He only holds her closer, grips her more tightly. With every kiss the warmth of his lips increases with the burning in his beating, beating, beating heart.

["It's all I want. It's all I've ever wanted. Know me. Understand. I'll give you everything I have left."]

[headhooligan]

[She wants him; she wants him; she wants him. If Aubrey could physically hold Eren’s heart in her hands, or give hers to him, she would.]

[“And you have all of me.” Her fist closes on his chest. “I’ll hold you forever.”]

[abandonhumanity]

[Never breaking the kiss - never having to:

["I know the meaning of forever now. I'd spend a thousand lifetimes making sure that we're together. I'd change everything - no matter how long it took."

[With the confidence of someone who knows that they could.]

[headhooligan]

[Maybe that should unsettle her; after all, he’s confessed to spending countless lifetimes on something far worse. But instead, Aubrey feels like she understands. To do the same thing, over and over and over again—it’s a spiral as much as it is a warm hand over the heart, a pact sealed, a deathless devotion. She spent so long searching for him…]

[“I think… I think I’ll always find you. No, I know I will.” Her head spins; it’s a good feeling. Only Eren Jaeger, her Detriment and her husband and her purpose… Only him. “No matter how many lifetimes it takes… I’ll know who you are. And we’ll be together.”]

[abandonhumanity]

["You will know who I am."

[It’s funny how long a kiss can last when you don’t have to breathe. He breaks it anyway. He needs to look into her eyes - those beautiful, unhindered eyes.]

Behold my vow…