abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[Her answer wouldn’t change:] I don’t know.

Ever since we talked in the barracks, I haven’t seen… anyone. [The hesitation isn’t evasive; it’s honest, and it’s aching.] Until now.

[Instantly, there's a lump in Eren's throat. He chokes it down, and its audible.

[He wants to be with them - Armin, Mikasa. He wants to be with them so badly.

[Even Reiner, if he could only talk to him-- God, he has no animosity left; hurt, sure - there will always be hurt - but if he could only just see his face up close, hear his voice. The way he left, and left, and left...

[But he came back. He did his part. He helped to free him.]

You were alone...

[How long was she alone?

[He wants to put his arms around her. Goddammit, she's his wife. He does.]

I meant what I said.

I didn't want to leave.

[He knows that he didn't make that clear; he couldn't - but now...]

I won't now. I can't.

[Eren’s good at choking down lumps.

[“You were alone.” Aubrey’s not.]

[She forces herself to look up at that clear, cloudless sky and tries to take Eren’s words to heart. Whether she believes him or not (and she does want to), it’s true; he’s here now, and he couldn’t go back if he wanted. He’s the one who died.]

I-it’s like I said… [A swallow, and an unsteady breath.] If I see anyone else again, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you a-as soon as I—

[It doesn’t work. She leans on him, fully, as her throat constricts. Her grip on his hands tightens, shaking. Stubbornly, she doesn’t want the world to say this for her, so she chokes it out:] I thought I’d lost you. A-all of you.

But… especially you....

[Eren's used to feeling shame; not like this.

[The longer he sits here beside her, the clearer his memories of this world become. They knelt in a circle of candles, a hand on each chest, murmuring vows while shadows flickered on the walls.

[This is his wife. This is the woman he swore to protect. He promised to stay beside her. He devoted his life. And then he disappeared.

[He pulls Aubrey against his chest, clutching her head, kissing the top of it.]

I'm sorry...

['I'm so sorry...']

[That’s it. She’s done. Aubrey clings to Eren and sobs into his chest, as if she hasn’t drained herself doing this a thousand times already. He’s not as warm as he used to be, but he’s back, damn it. It’s really him....]

It’s okay.... I-it’s… okay.... [She really does hate how she sounds like this, shuddering and squeaking like a faucet gone awry. But she wants Eren to hear this from her, not some thought-insertion.] I… I forgive you.

I know you didn’t mean it.

[That he wouldn’t hurt her, at least. There’s a nagging voice that insists he meant to go back, sooner or later; always did, always would. This world follows intention, sometimes, after all. But whether Eren could help that or not… well. Here they are.]

[Something doesn’t let her indulge long, after that thought. Aubrey pulls back, hardly out of his arms but just enough to wipe her eyes, try to talk normally again.] Besides… about freedom, and answers… I made it my purpose to find you. [She tries to smile. Doesn’t quite manage.] I guess it finally worked.

[There's plenty to feel guilty for. Billions of lives, crushed due to his own foolish hubris.

[Aubrey matters more. The people that Eren loves will always matter more. That's just who he is.

[He lets her cry. He holds her. When she starts to move away, he almost pulls her back, but then she tries to smile, and she can't, and he wants so desperately to see it that he feels like he might shatter himself.

["I made it my purpose to find you." Now, Aubrey can be his purpose too - his only purpose, the only thing that's left, the only thing that matters, that should have ever mattered.

[Maybe he'll never find freedom, but he can find her - again and again and again, however many times it takes.

[He takes her face in his hands again, sea green eyes earnest and strong. If love like this was the only thing he'd sought back home, maybe he could have been happy.

[Can they find happiness together - even in a place like this?]

I will be your purpose.

['Behold my vow.']

You will be mine.

[There’s something monstrous about how quickly they can dismiss those billions of lives, isn’t there? It’s a literal world away, and they’re here. Seems no one can mix comfort and misery like Eren, like Aubrey, one to the other faster than a blade. What have they done to deserve it? Who cares whether they do? They’re really made for each other, aren’t they?]

[A protest dies in Aubrey’s throat as Eren takes her face in his hands again; it’s impossible to voice when his touch is soft enough to strangle it. She holds his face in turn, cradling his cheeks to his jaw as if any moment Eren might fall apart. It’s hard to meet his eyes. She hasn’t noticed yet if his neck is still marked.]

You looked so peaceful…

[She interrupted it.
[I don’t deserve you.]

That’s all I want for you.

[Can you really find it here?]

["Billions of lives" is something that Eren Jaeger has been able to compartmentalize for a while now; it's worth mentioning that that's becoming harder to do.

[She's right. 'No one deserves this.'

[He looked peace. He felt peaceful. He felt free, if only for that sweet moment between death and waking.]

There was peace...[He averts his eyes again, that same thoughtful, foreign expression on his face, as if he's still trying to process everything - how couldn't he be?]

More peace than I'd ever known...

[Can he really find it again? He has no idea.]

But I don't deserve that.

[He wants it. He wants it desperately. 'I'm so tired.']

I don't deserve any of this.

['We both know that.']

[She laughs.] We’re even. [It’s not a happy sound.] We’re still even…

[Then, finally:]
You’ll be my purpose.

I’ll find you again… I’ll find you peace. As close as we can get, here.

[She bows her head, pulling Eren’s in so their foreheads might touch again.]

That’s my vow.

[Eren leans forward. He lays his forehead against hers. He places his hand over her heart.]

You will be my purpose.

I will live for you. ['Behold my vow: I will search for peace.']

That is my vow.

[Likewise, Aubrey places her hand over Eren’s heart. It’s so still....]

[“Stay alive this time, okay?”]

[And after a reverent quiet, Aubrey seals their oath with a soft, grieving kiss.]

[He kisses her. A soft assurance - it’s more earnest than he’s ever been.]

I will.

PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

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