abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[Oh, they’re doing philosophy questions now? Huh. Who knew a compliment could be so fraught.]

I don’t know, I think I’d be pretty different. [There’s no particular emotion in Aubrey’s voice, either. She’s stalling, sure, but giving it serious consideration.] It’s like you’ve said, [dead from shock] my world’s privileged. Compared to yours, anyway. [A “no offense” isn’t necesary, she thinks.]

You, though…

[She studies Eren’s face for a bit. Searching. He certainly yells less, except in rare moments, than his 9-year-old self seemed, to, but…

[“I was just trying to help. I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose—not in a million years!”
[That hasn’t changed, has it?]

I think… you’d still be loyal. You’d still be brave. And I’m not [a brief tease, why not] just saying that because I like that about you.
I know you care, with everything you’ve got—more than anyone else I know.

And granted, I don’t know why you’re like that, but…

[Faintly, another memory, more distant: “I was born into this world with a fight to pick.”
[The context… isn’t important, right now.]

…I know you’ve had those traits for a long time. So maybe that’s what makes you you.

[Loyalty? Bravery? Care?

[That's what makes up Eren Jaeger?

[It's a sentiment that's entirely novel. Maybe Aubrey's judgment really is clouded; still, he can tell that she means it. She sounds so sure, in fact, that he's almost tempted to believe it himself. What she's saying isn't entirely false, after all. Yes, he is loyal. Yes, he is brave. Yes, he cares.

[But he's also a monster. He's cold, callous, and calculating. He's manipulative. He's violent. He's wrathful, built from the ground up by his own hatred.

[Aubrey doesn't know that either; how Eren's been pulling the strings since before he was even born. Eren Jaeger is what Eren Jaeger is because Eren Jaeger assured it.

[The room goes black. He's alone.]

[But Aubrey isn't. The room should look the same to her, if you can even call it a room. And Eren - or, at least, an illusory version - is still standing--]

B-behind you...

[The shadow is small and faceless. Somehow, it still manages to look terrified. Eren Jaeger, at eight years old, with a too-large red scarf wrapped around his neck. His hand trembles as he points past Aubrey. There's nothing there but Eren as she last knew him.]

Aubrey...run!

[—Wrong answer, huh?]

[The lights out startle her; Eren startles her, cold when she leans into him, or rather “Eren,” and she jumps back—]

[A different shadow talks before Aubrey can process. She looks down to him, back to “Eren,” to— That scarf.]

Eren?

[Stubbornly, although his voice still trembles.]

I am Eren. That is not. Me.

Yes, it i— [She’s arguing with a shadow. A child shadow, at that.]

[Aubrey shuts her eyes, tries to walk; disorientingly, within a couple steps she ends up right where she started. Focus. She’s alone here. There’s no use pleading with an illusion. Think, steel yourself; what’s the lesson?]

[She eyes the shadow. He’s afraid.]

What makes you Eren? [And not someone else?]

[The shadow's voice comes out like a whisper, the voice momentarily distorting like a microphone picking up feedback.]

Don't you know what he's trying to do?

“Trying t”—?

[—Ah.]

[Aubrey’s spine chills. It’s not from the voice. But it is from the distortion.]

[What the hell is wrong with—]

That— That doesn’t matter here. [Don’t fight the lesson, Aubrey… She swallows.] Does it?

He's gonna kill the world...

[The shadow's voice takes on an odd tone now; distractable and young, like he's only half-listening to Aubrey.]

Crush them all like bugs...

[As he says this, he takes his little hand and slaps it against the ground, then drags it slowly across. It leaves a trail of blood, thick and nearly black in the dimly lit space. It stinks like it's real.

[The Shadow's head snaps up.]

Don't trust him, Aubrey!

[The Eren, both of them—they’re shadows. Figments. Illusions. Why is the blood…?]

[She turns back to the older Eren, almost pleading, as if that’d wake up the real him—a gentler him, the Eren she wants to know.]

He can’t do that. He can’t do that, here. [Right? Because it’s better if it’s somewhere else? Aubrey feels sick. She tells herself it’s the stench of blood.]

[Another shift in the shadow's voice; this time, an impassioned cry:]

He's a monster! Don't you care?!

[The shadow jumps to its feet; in its hand, a knife.]

Don't worry, Aubrey. I'll kill him for you.

[The cry pierces her like a raptor’s screech.]

Stop it! Just shut u— [The knife makes her jump.]

You’re not real. This isn’t real! [She grabs for blade-wielding hand on a stupid, reckless impulse. To protect the illusion that saved her.]

[The knife is very real, and very sharp. It slices easily through the flesh on Aubrey's palm. The shadow Eren gasps and yanks it away. He has no eyes, but something in the would-be "face" reflects horror even so.]

No! I'm-- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! Aubrey...Aubrey...

I-I really didn't mean to. W-we'll get you all cleaned up, okay? I was just trying to help. I wouldn't hurt you on purpose - not in a million years!

[There's a pause.]

No! I'm-- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! Aubrey...Aubrey...

I-I really didn't mean to. W-we'll get you all cleaned up, okay? I was just trying to help. I wouldn't hurt you on purpose - not in a million years!

[A pause.]

No! I'm-- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! Aubrey...Aubrey...

I-I really didn't mean to. W-we'll get you all cleaned up, okay? I was just trying to help. I wouldn't hurt you on purpose - not in a million years!

[He hasn’t finished the first iteration before Aubrey drops to her knees, clutching the wrist of her bleeding hand. She clenches it, unclenches, grabs at empty air again, an erratic motion that doesn’t help, accomplishes nothing, less than nothing. The blood is very, very real.]

Shut up! Shut up! [Of course he doesn’t.] God, just— please—

[It doesn’t matter. Might as well plead with a wall. Eren’s not here; he’s not going to tell her to lie down, he’s not going to cover her in his coat, he’s not here but he is here, he’s just talking in useless fucking circles, but he really doesn’t mean to—]

[Aubrey wants to scream.] L-Leave me alone…! [It’s a choked sob, instead. Her hands hit the floor, smeared with blood like a healer’s press into an open wound.]

[“I won’t leave you. I won’t.”]

Y-you’re… you’re all I have…

[Just go away....]

What's wrong?

[The lights are back on. The shadow is gone. Eren Jaeger is real once again.

[The thick, dark swipe of blood from the shadow's demonstration still marks the ground by Aubrey's feet.]

[Instinctively, protectively, he tries to put his arms around her, reaching for her injured hand.]

What happened? I was only gone for a second.

Get away from me!

[She shoves back without thinking, leaving a smeared handprint wherever that palm lands.]

[Lightning. Aubrey scrambles back to her feet, but still faces Eren, bewildered, shaking, a mess of a cornered animal.]

[The shove startles him, then angers him. It's clear that she's shaken up, but why has he become the enemy? The way he holds his palms up is almost sarcastic. He takes a step back, gaze hardening into a glare.]

What the hell is going on?

[Fuck this. He takes a step closer again.]

Aubrey, you're hurt. Don't be stupid.

Wait, w-wait, I didn’t mean t—

[The rest catches. She steps back, her own palms raised in actual surrender. When was the last time Eren was mad at h—Does it matter?!]

[Aubrey has barely stopped crying; it surges back full force. She should’ve grabbed that knife and—] Please, stop. Just stop.

[Eren's irritation doesn't fade all that much with the crying, but his heart does tug, and it's enough to disarm him.

[What happened? He was only gone a minute, wasn't he? Is a minute really a minute in this place?

[She's hurt. He forces his voice to be even, quiet. Even so, he doesn't exactly sound patient.]

Aubrey. Let me see your hand.

I don’t want to be afraid of you, I-I don’t, I…

[It doesn’t sound like she’s listening. She’s not listening; she doesn’t want to listen. All that softness is gone, gone, gone; was it ever really there? Or, no, it was, that’s what makes it worse, that’s why she wants to—]

I can’t do this.

[Aubrey looks at Eren one last time—nothing but sorrowful. Sorry. Really sorry.

[Then turns, and runs like her life depends on it.

[Just like that, Eren is alone.]

PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

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