abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[No discrimination is right. Aubrey doesn’t answer that; Levi doesn’t need confirmation.]

[Eren met Basil. The real him is out there, somewhere. Not a shadow. Not a titan. Just a scared, lost little boy—
[He’s in Hell where he belongs.]

[Levi’s asking for theories. Heaven, Hell, deserved, random; there’s only one connecting tissue, and it doesn’t explain the cigarettes, but…]

I don’t know if it matters. [There’s leftover tension in her voice.] But for what it’s worth… everyone else, after me and Eren, I’d heard about before I saw them.

Maybe it’s some… chain of connection. [Worst game of telephone ever, really.]

[Some friend. He'd say the same about Eren - that Hell is where he belongs - but he's guessing that's a little different.

[Maybe not. Maybe there's a reason Aubrey Jaeger can stomach her husband's horrific actions.

[And maybe Eren should spend last time talking about him and subsequently sucking him into new, fucked up dimensions. He really wants to kick him in the ribs again for that.

[Levi dare not mention anyone he's thinking of.]

It makes enough sense that people who know each other would be drawn to the same place.

Considering the numbers, it's you who's the odd one out.

[Aubrey huffs, in some dry not-quite-laugh. Been a while since she did that.]

Yeah. Me, my dead friend who doesn’t remember she’s dead, and…

[Ugh. What to even call Basil.
[—Fine. That says everything.]

[Aubrey chokes back… something. Boo hoo. This guy’s got no one left.]

It’s whatever.

[He notices the choke. It makes sense, of course; maybe she misses home, or it's disturbing that a dead friend is unaware, or someone called Basil hurt her deeply and they haven't reconciled. He doesn't judge her for it; in fact, his heart empathizes. If he were better at comforting people, maybe he'd try.

[This is his attempt, surprisingly gentle - maybe it will make it worse. He has no way of knowing.]

What sort of place do you come from?

[Why is Levi being gentle? She’s holding the man responsible for his losses.]

[At least he doesn’t ask. Not directly.]

It’s…
[Hell. It’s felt like its own Hell in a lot of ways. But with everything she’s seen here? Faraway is a fucking fairytale.]

It’s quiet, where I’m from. No titans, no war… Most days, nothing much happens.

[She hasn’t stopped frowning.] It’s privileged. Seeing the ocean… it’s a trip, but it’s no big deal. And people aren’t happy. They can know they’ll have homes and families to go back to, and they’re worried because of some… job, or they married the wrong person, or they don’t get along with anyone, or.

[Aubrey catches herself, ranting. She forces a sigh.]

Sorry.

[It’s stupid.]

It’s alright.

[He's gentle because Eren Jaeger is a selfish, evil piece of shit, who only cares about his own means to an end; out of all the people who love Eren, Levi can't name a single one that fits that same description.

[At her explanation, there's a pluck at the corner of Levi's mouth - very nearly a smile, and genuine too.]

You might not believe it. Seems like everyone everywhere tends to worry about the same dumb shit.

Yeah. Even where we come from.

[A smile nearly tugs at Aubrey, too, with that comment. It’s not enough, but it threatens to resolve the frown.]

Hah. Yeah, I can believe that....

[Fairytales aren’t true, anyway.] It’s not like my world doesn’t have war. I’m sure people in those places could agree, too.

[And Aubrey’s nowhere near it. Eren thought they’d relate; at the time, he called it cutting through bullshit. She wonders what he’d have to say on that, now.]

Even then… people always have dreams, huh? Stories. Laughter. [Does Armin know just how dearly Aubrey holds his words, even now? Maybe she should tell him.]

[Getting a bit lost, faintly;] Even here…

[Levi nods, looking a bit lost himself. Dreams, stories, laughter - grief and pain wouldn't exist without them. If there was no happiness left in his world, then Eren destroying it wouldn't have meant anything. He laughed too, dreamt too, told stories, drank, broke bread. It wasn't enough, but to pretend that it didn't exist at all - he could kick him again for that.

[Levi aches for one of Hange's stupid jokes, or the way Erwin blushed after only one drink. More than once, he found himself pausing outside the Scouts' barracks doors on his way to a lecture, momentarily halted by the laughter of the people inside - kids playing truth or dare or laughing about their superiors.]

There has to be something to hold onto.

[What does he have left?]

[Aubrey’s holding Eren.
[Levi has three fingers.]

[Quiet, for a while. The stillness is starting to feel oppressive, stifling; there has to be something, for all this struggle, and it’s all fleeting anyway.

[It’s been dark for a long time now.]

And then?

[Fight or wait; the sun rises on its own terms.
[What now?]

[At the end of the day, she's really just a kid - searching, wondering, trying to figure it all out. True enough for the "man" sleeping in her lap as well. Levi doesn't necessarily pride himself on good advice, but...he tries. For kids, he tries.]

You hold onto it. You fight for it. You fight for their rights to have those things. ["Their" rights; the people they love, both here and gone.] You fight because it's what their memory deserves.

[Off on the horizon, black gives way to a burnt orange, the bottoms of the clouds above them set alight.]

There will always be pain. There's a Hell of a lot more of that than anything else. I get it.

But you can't live for pain. Something has to drive you to keep moving. It's like you said - dreams, laughter, stories.

Whatever you regret the least - live for that. And find a way to make those regrets less and less.

[“Life gets better.” “Our world is worth fighting for.” And now, “Whatever you regret the least—live for that.” A passive assurance to a vow of its own.

[She wants to play in the ocean again.]

[If it weren’t for Eren so close she’d be tempted to salute. The fact remains that Levi has captured Aubrey’s focus entirely, even as dawn breaks. It’s not unlike the look she gave to—]

Armin. [None too hasty to talk, but it’s what comes out first.] Armin told me that, about stories and dreams.

[She hopes it’s not a painful name, for Levi.]

Thank you.

[The pain behind Armin's name faded when Levi decided that he didn't regret the decision to save him. Armin is Erwin's sacrifice. He's a good kid. He'll be a damn good Commander - not that he hasn't already gone above and beyond to prove himself. It can't be easy, killing your best friend. It was hard enough for Levi to watch his die with clean hands.]

I was about to say it makes sense that you'd be close, but last I checked, that damn brat you're holding wanted nothing to do with his friends.

[Despite everything, there's no real venom in his words. The sun is still rising, and Eren is still sleeping. It all feels dangerously close to rest.]

Have they seen each other?

[“Close”… ha. They’d barely met when he said all that. Aubrey won’t be correcting that, though; so much has changed since…]

The “damn brat” said that, yeah. [Funny how those words sound now, without animosity. It’s almost affectionate.] He convinced himself, too.

You probably won’t believe it, but… they’re all he wanted to see, in the end. Or at least they are now.

[She has to stop herself from pulling back to look at Eren again; if this keeps up she’ll never take her eyes off him again, and now it feels a bit like a slap to Levi’s face. Besides, Eren’s still fast asleep…]

They’ve talked.

[It does sound almost affectionate, doesn't it? Not his intention.]

I've known those three since they were barely old enough to wipe their own asses.

Yeah. I believe it.

[Peace for the dead, huh? Eren's certainly sleeping soundly now. It really isn't fair, but what the Hell is?

[He'll allow his bitterness to ebb for Mikasa and Armin's sake. They want to be with him too - and they deserve that. He owes them that much.]

[He actually believes it.]

[“…and we’re resting the fate of all humanity on your shoulders.” They’re all just kids to Levi, aren’t they?]

[It’s almost too much. The sun rises, slow but sure, casting long shadows over the remains of a childhood.]

[Must be a special torment. Watching someone grow into some warped, broken shadow of themselves—yet more them than ever.]

[A faint whisper:] They haven’t changed a bit, huh…? [Barely a question. Aubrey’s not looking at Levi anymore—at either of them. Distant.]

[His answer is only as cold as the truth of it.]

Of course they've changed.

[Eren, with an inextinguishable fire in his eyes. Mikasa, who never once doubted herself. Armin, who dreamt endlessly of a better world.

[Aubrey didn't know those kids like he did; didn't watch the joy and hope slowly drain from their lives with every passing battle. Didn't watch dreams turn to reality turn to shit.]

You grow up. You learn that the world is shit. You change.

[Still...He knows what she's getting at, he thinks.]

How they feel about each other? No. I don't think that can change. Just kind of the way love works.

[“Funny” thing is, even with less joy and hope… those descriptions of the trio aren’t anything Aubrey could disagree with. She’s seen it in all of them. Passion; devotion; hope.

[But maybe she doesn’t know them well enough.]

[The answer she gets shouldn’t be surprising; Aubrey deflates a little anyway. She wants to lie down, maybe watch the sun rise, maybe fall asleep for a thousand years.

[Instead she finds herself swallowing back heartache.]

Hey, Levi… [It’s almost an idle question. Just to think about anything but broken children.] What is it you regret the least?

[The answer is instant; but unspoken. The memory of a strong jaw, blue eyes, and a prominent nose. Erwin Smith is smiling at him, more tender than he’d ever seen him. There’s no grief to the memory. Levi’s love, admiration, adoration is overwhelming; a pure and uninhibited emotion, all consuming and more blissful than he ever thought was possible. The man he loves.

[He assumes that it’s shared; a quick study, this one. So, once the memory fades, he merely nods, momentarily averting his gaze. His lips are drawn in the tight line of withheld emotions. If he were alone, maybe he’d allow a tear to fall. Not now, though. Not here.]

[So far, Aubrey hasn’t experienced a memory-with-feeling share without touch. Maybe Levi’s admiration is that strong; maybe it’s the look in the man’s eyes, features chiseled but gentle all the same.

[Without even noticing Levi’s gaze is averted, Aubrey looks at Eren. Can’t help it. And she’s struck by the thought, not for the first time, of losing him.
[It’s hard to imagine what she’d do after that.]

[She rests his head on her shoulder.
[Fighting for a memory… it’s sad. It might just be the strongest possible thing.]

[There’s a silence. And then, softly,] Who… was he?

Erwin Smith.

[Levi still isn't looking at her. His voice betrays no particular emotion; even so, there's weight to the name.]

13th Commander of the Paradis Survey Corps.

He was a good man.

["He was the love of my--"]

[A quick addition - an interruption:] He isn't what I regret the least.

I don't regret knowing him at all.

[He says more than enough even without the thought.]

[The sun rises ever steady. It makes the place feel realer than ever, even if it’s somewhere with people from another world, where the dead don’t stay dead.]

Not at all....

[An absent whisper. Somehow it’s hard to imagine that, too; never having any second thoughts. Even when it hurts.]

[You’re a good person.]

…It’s more complex than that, I know.

[But beyond that, Aubrey’s not eager to say more. A thought’s a thought, even when she should know better.]

[A "good person". Yeah. It's not the first time Levi has heard that. There's no point in arguing, really, even if it's not true. As far as he's concerned, "good" people don't really exist. But if she wants to think highly of him, well. It's better than launching herself at him when he tries to take care of business (not that he thinks she'd take too kindly to him trying to kick Eren again).]

That's a change in tune.

Not that I'd want you to consider me your enemy. I'm not.

[Another tug at a smile, at that.] Yeah, I know. [On both fronts, really.]

I don’t… want you to kick Eren again…

[An intentional pause for this aside: “Even if he deserves it…”
[Ha, “even if.” As if Aubrey hasn’t hurt him for far less. It’s a guilty concession. But she meant the rest of what she’s said, too.]

…but you did save me. You didn’t even know me.

You're just a kid. Believe it or not, I do try to save civilians when I can.

Don't sweat it.

[However...]

I'm not taking back what I said. If I have to put Eren [Don't say "down" - the man's already dead.] in his place, then I will.

It's nothing personal.

[She can believe it.] I get it.

We’ll see if you have to.

[He just isn’t waking up.]

[…Change of topic.]
You know, it’s funny you’d say “civilians”… Like I said earlier, there don’t seem to be many people here. [Even with the mystery smoker.] It’s like we’re all just… wanderers.

[The unsaid implication: rank doesn’t matter much anymore.
[Aubrey’s fine with that. A soldier might not be.

[And, a less-intended idea: There’s no way out. Not voluntarily.
[Is anyone really fine with that…?]

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sleep? i don’t know her

eren knows her

reaching for her like zeke to ymir but alas. eren

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slides in link for my own reference

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