abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[There's a pitiful sob. If Levi hadn't yet realized Eren's state, the youngness of the sound would make it obvious. He's still asleep - his eyes haven't opened - but he tugs more tightly on Aubrey's shirt, curls himself in as close as he possibly can. He begs to be held.]

[Something clicks. A hunch, maybe, but—
[If the nightmare made him feel like a helpless Scout again, then Levi’s words cut right to the terrified boy. Eviscerated by words; no weapons, no blood, just righteousness and tears. A decisive slice to the nape, just as ordered.

[And Eren’s clinging to her....]

[He’s ten. He’s just lost his mother, is maybe about to. He might as well be reaching through Aubrey, taking her heart in his hands and wringing it with every cry. She holds him; of course she holds him, arms wrapped around him the way they only can when he’s this small. Dying wasn’t supposed to be an option. Idiot. He’s just a kid....]

[Her own eyes sting. She pulls the boy close, tight, drooping her own head over his with a soft kiss. It’s impossible, everything he’s been through, put others through, done and failed to do and there’s no excuse, no atonement. It’s true. She won’t say it’s okay.

[A pathetic, stupid, selfish coward… The end of the world…
[A child.]

[To him, and him alone: I love you anyway.]

[All that talk about Eren being too young to piss by himself, and now, here he is, a literal child, crying and clinging to the closest thing that feels safe.]

Still running.

[Not man enough to face him, not man enough to stay a man. Levi is exhausted and aching.

[Twelve years old. Twelve years old and they made him a cadet.

[As ever, there are so very many people to blame. And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. Almost all of them are dead now.]

Fine. That's all I have to say. Maybe one day you'll have the balls to say something back.

[To Aubrey:]

What now?

[“Still running.” As if Eren wants to be this vulnerable.]

[“What now?”]
[Aubrey glares. It’s a desperate thing.]

What now? [Her voice cracks on the word.] What now— I don’t know. We live. We talk. We go somewhere else and do it all over again; I don’t. know.

[The glare drops. Still completely fucking useless, at the end of it all… but Eren clinging like this makes her at least feel wanted. Needed. Is that selfish?]

I just… I want him to wake up.

[She pulls him, again. No goddamn kicking. And yet she sounds utterly defeated.]

This can’t be on purpose.

[And here, clearly, a distraught wife who wants nothing more than to see her husband awake and alive once again.

[Yeah. Levi’s seen plenty of those in his time.]

He’s only sleeping. [His voice has lost all of its anger, all of its grief.]

He has a pulse to wake up to.

[Eren Jaeger is alive.]

We wait it out, then.

[He is only sleeping. And he’s in her arms. That’s more than can be said for last time, and the time before that.

[Just… different. Taking a nap. He’ll be back soon—he has to be.]

[Aubrey is tired. She dips her head over Eren’s again, and tries to take them somewhere else.]

[The walls melt away like the monsters it hides, but it stays dark. Really, they don’t end up far—Shiganshina again, under still leaves. But there’s no dappled moonlight or fireflies, no gentle breeze; the air is cold, and the distant walls are broken. Aubrey doesn’t look to see if the town remains; she doesn’t look up at all.

[It’s just them. The hill. The tree. Eren’s grave, somber and lonesome as it’s ever been.]

[It’s hard to imagine it was ever warm.]

[The world changes. One moment, they're in the dark cooridor; the next, they're in Shiganshina - almost Shiganshina, but not quite. Levi can see the town from where he's sitting - nothing more than rubble, as its been for almost a decade. It's only marginally less dark - enough that he can see Eren's grave. He doesn't like the feeling it gives him.

[Mercifully - suddenly - he's in a wheelchair. It's more comfortable than the ground. He doesn't mind it. It may be a little easier to see now - the bandage over his right eye, the stitches criss-crossing over his face, the bruises on any portion of skin that's showing, the three fingers on his hand. He's in more comfortable clothes - no ODM gear (not good). But there don't seem to be any titans around, despite it all.

[He assesses Aubrey.]

What brought us here?

[Eren feels heavier. When Aubrey looks again he’s 19, still in her arms, still asleep. Still breathing....

[And Levi is still there—above her now, in a wheelchair. Aubrey hadn’t paid much attention to his strained movements, the bandage, the stitches. In an instant, he’s gone from a soldier on the field to a veteran; weary all the same. Even in the dark, she can see that now. A shameful delay, really.]

I did. [A delayed answer, too.] Sometimes this world listens to intention… Not people. [Hell knows it won’t.] But places, if you focus enough.

Somehow… it’s not all bad.

[A world that bends to your intentions.

[He feels less assured about Eren as ever. So, he'll have to make sure that he's just as adept at the world-bending, to combat him if he needs to. Eyes falling on his old subordinate again, he feels a complicated tug.]

This place came from his memories. I'm assuming you already know that.

[The grave. There are flowers upon it. But here he is, above ground. Levi wonders if his head is buried beneath the fresh dirt.]

I do.

[And last time they were here, they danced. Aubrey wonders if Eren would’ve invited Levi, had he known. It’s normal to have guests....]

It’s… peaceful here, at least.

[The music is long over.]

If you take us somewhere else… be careful.

[His voice is quiet, solemn.]

I don’t have anywhere to take us.

[Home for Levi was always the people waiting there.]

Titans - have you seen them? Anywhere?

That thing that had you wasn’t like the others.

Edited 2023-11-22 18:48 (UTC)

[Her lip thins to a tense line.] He wasn’t.

And— No, not before that. Just memories. [Armin’s scream echoes; mercifully, it’s not shared.] Eren had a nightmare, before all this. I was wondering if you being here made it real.

[There’s no blame in the statement. Almost an idle deflection.]

["He" wasn't. Someone she knows, then. Titans - monsters, what have you - being humans is something that Levi still hasn't been able to reconcile. It hasn't stopped him, but the idea never settles any easier.

[He did what he had to do. No regrets.]

How so?

A combined memory, maybe. [Bertholdt, on the rooftops.] It’s happened before.

[It’s how he showed up. Even as a thought, there’s not much kindness in it.]

He?

[A friend.
[Damn it. Why is… Why that, and so immediate?]

[Aubrey frowns.] He’s dead. He should stay dead. [She shifts her hold on Eren, keeping him close.] He shouldn’t be here.

It seems this place doesn't discriminate between the dead and the living. I've got that right, don't I?

[He wonders why she wouldn't be happy to see an old friend; more and more, the pieces come together. Who did Levi just kill? Or maybe it's just too painful a thing to confront. He has no idea how he'd react if he actually got to touch Erwin again, or talk to Hange. The idea makes him want to either shudder or give into emotion. Maybe both.]

I don't suppose you have theories on what draws people to this world in the first place?

[No discrimination is right. Aubrey doesn’t answer that; Levi doesn’t need confirmation.]

[Eren met Basil. The real him is out there, somewhere. Not a shadow. Not a titan. Just a scared, lost little boy—
[He’s in Hell where he belongs.]

[Levi’s asking for theories. Heaven, Hell, deserved, random; there’s only one connecting tissue, and it doesn’t explain the cigarettes, but…]

I don’t know if it matters. [There’s leftover tension in her voice.] But for what it’s worth… everyone else, after me and Eren, I’d heard about before I saw them.

Maybe it’s some… chain of connection. [Worst game of telephone ever, really.]

[Some friend. He'd say the same about Eren - that Hell is where he belongs - but he's guessing that's a little different.

[Maybe not. Maybe there's a reason Aubrey Jaeger can stomach her husband's horrific actions.

[And maybe Eren should spend last time talking about him and subsequently sucking him into new, fucked up dimensions. He really wants to kick him in the ribs again for that.

[Levi dare not mention anyone he's thinking of.]

It makes enough sense that people who know each other would be drawn to the same place.

Considering the numbers, it's you who's the odd one out.

[Aubrey huffs, in some dry not-quite-laugh. Been a while since she did that.]

Yeah. Me, my dead friend who doesn’t remember she’s dead, and…

[Ugh. What to even call Basil.
[—Fine. That says everything.]

[Aubrey chokes back… something. Boo hoo. This guy’s got no one left.]

It’s whatever.

[He notices the choke. It makes sense, of course; maybe she misses home, or it's disturbing that a dead friend is unaware, or someone called Basil hurt her deeply and they haven't reconciled. He doesn't judge her for it; in fact, his heart empathizes. If he were better at comforting people, maybe he'd try.

[This is his attempt, surprisingly gentle - maybe it will make it worse. He has no way of knowing.]

What sort of place do you come from?

[Why is Levi being gentle? She’s holding the man responsible for his losses.]

[At least he doesn’t ask. Not directly.]

It’s…
[Hell. It’s felt like its own Hell in a lot of ways. But with everything she’s seen here? Faraway is a fucking fairytale.]

It’s quiet, where I’m from. No titans, no war… Most days, nothing much happens.

[She hasn’t stopped frowning.] It’s privileged. Seeing the ocean… it’s a trip, but it’s no big deal. And people aren’t happy. They can know they’ll have homes and families to go back to, and they’re worried because of some… job, or they married the wrong person, or they don’t get along with anyone, or.

[Aubrey catches herself, ranting. She forces a sigh.]

Sorry.

[It’s stupid.]

It’s alright.

[He's gentle because Eren Jaeger is a selfish, evil piece of shit, who only cares about his own means to an end; out of all the people who love Eren, Levi can't name a single one that fits that same description.

[At her explanation, there's a pluck at the corner of Levi's mouth - very nearly a smile, and genuine too.]

You might not believe it. Seems like everyone everywhere tends to worry about the same dumb shit.

Yeah. Even where we come from.

[A smile nearly tugs at Aubrey, too, with that comment. It’s not enough, but it threatens to resolve the frown.]

Hah. Yeah, I can believe that....

[Fairytales aren’t true, anyway.] It’s not like my world doesn’t have war. I’m sure people in those places could agree, too.

[And Aubrey’s nowhere near it. Eren thought they’d relate; at the time, he called it cutting through bullshit. She wonders what he’d have to say on that, now.]

Even then… people always have dreams, huh? Stories. Laughter. [Does Armin know just how dearly Aubrey holds his words, even now? Maybe she should tell him.]

[Getting a bit lost, faintly;] Even here…

[Levi nods, looking a bit lost himself. Dreams, stories, laughter - grief and pain wouldn't exist without them. If there was no happiness left in his world, then Eren destroying it wouldn't have meant anything. He laughed too, dreamt too, told stories, drank, broke bread. It wasn't enough, but to pretend that it didn't exist at all - he could kick him again for that.

[Levi aches for one of Hange's stupid jokes, or the way Erwin blushed after only one drink. More than once, he found himself pausing outside the Scouts' barracks doors on his way to a lecture, momentarily halted by the laughter of the people inside - kids playing truth or dare or laughing about their superiors.]

There has to be something to hold onto.

[What does he have left?]

6/6(/6)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject