abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

Stop kissing my ass, Jaeger.

[It’s a very offhand irritation. While Eren holds up his regenerating arm, Aubrey removes the belt; this one’s easier. She doesn’t remember bothering to clasp it like some bloody mannequin display, but at least this one’s simple to undo.]

I was listening to you. Just don’t get yourself mauled again. [She hands the belt over without making eye contact. It is a weird sort of fascinating to watch the wrist reform, so she has an excuse for it.]

[Eren tries for a small glare at her, but all he can really manage is to look exhausted - and he is exhausted. He’s used to having to get his bearings quickly, but this has been…a lot.

[Idly, with his fully formed hand, he scratches at his cheek.

[Where…could they possibly go from here?]

I don’t know what happened.

[It’s a strange admission. But, potentially, an important one; a new threat to consider.]

Nothing attacked me. It just happened.

[The cheek scratch threatens to drag her attention to his face again, so Aubrey stares vaguely out towards the water instead. Still something really disquieting about it, to her. Like she shouldn’t be here, even its mirror.]

[She pulls her knees up, idly setting the bow aside in the process. The motion’s still stiffer than it used to be.] “Just happened,” huh. [It’d be a drier comment if she wasn’t mildly concerned he was telling the truth.]

Like you just disappeared on me. Like you just trapped us in an elevator. [Okay. Maybe she’s a little bitter…? It’s a lot less scathing than Eren’s heard her before, though, not antagonistic; more vaguely annoyed than anything.] Great. Where to next.

[Aubrey doesn’t sound enthusiastic.]

I’m not lying to you.

[His voice has no real edge to it either. He sounds vaguely irritated as well, but that isn’t anything new. Mostly, he sounds distant, or maybe “distracted” is a better word. His eyes trail off to the lake too, brow pinched slightly above them.]

I woke up and my limbs were being torn off. That’s the only way I can explain it.

[A glance in her direction. He looks more like his usual self, but his eyes are still red and glassy. His right hand has formed again.]

I didn’t do it on purpose, if that’s what you’re implying.

I didn’t disappear on purpose either.

[Ah, that’s more like it. He’s somewhere near annoyed again.]

[Why did she let that fly by like it was nothing…?]

[Aubrey, categorically, does not dwell on it. She also doesn’t risk a look Eren’s way.]

That’s terrifying. [Very flat. Yet honest, still.] But I guess it fits. One second it’s all crazy, and the next…

Here.

[Small shrug.]

[And, if he’ll allow a silence for a bit… after, quieter:] Don’t disappear on me again.

[Eren's soul is present and heavy. He looks down at his right hand, flexing it, twisting it around, recalling that familiar pain. There has to be some reason, doesn't there? Is he supposed to just lie around and accept that their lives have been tied to the whims of whatever sick entity controls this place?

[Cattle in a pen...Eren clenches his fist tight. He's still not looking at Aubrey, but...]

Fine. I won't.

[Not "I won't if I can control it" or "I won't if the universe will allow that", etc., etc.. When he was first learning to control his transformation, he'd say things like "I'm not sure if I can do it."; then, he'd be asked, "But will you do it?".

[He will.]

We'll stay together. It's the only way.

[“Fine.” That earns a little huff. No sooner is he done talking:] Gee, don’t sound too excited.

[Aubrey says this while still sounding hollow herself. What, she finally got it all out of her system and now there’s nothing left? Eren almost died. He cried on her shoulder. She’s supposed to freak out about that.

[It’s weird. It’s wrong, almost, but that’s a strong word. Maybe it’s this place; they’ve overstayed their welcome. Or at least she has.]

[Without warning Aubrey stands, headed towards the lake.]

[Eren watches her walk. It doesn't sit well with him; something else that doesn't sit well with him is Aubrey's tone, and how it's changed the last few times they've talked.

[It's his fault. He knows that. He remembers that conversation; he remembers trying to break her.

[It couldn't have really worked, right? His chest feels tight.

[His left foot is still reforming, but he pushes himself up anyway, limping in her direction.]

Where are you going?

[It’s so quiet here, the gentle, uneven thump of Eren’s limp in the grass has Aubrey pausing, glancing over her shoulder to him, as he speaks. She’s reminded faintly of those stories where someone tries to leave a pet behind, and it just keeps whimpering or following them with every step.

[Kinda sad.]

For a swim. [She raises a hand, waves her still-very-red fingers.] I don’t know, cleaning off or something. [With a quick glance at his steaming not-quite-ankle,] Chill. You’re still healing.

[Just like the obedient dog she's imagining, he stops where he is in the grass. Since when does he listen to Aubrey? Since when does he listen to anyone? There's a frown on his face, but he doesn't keep chasing after her. It is hard to stand like this...]

Don't drown yourself.

[A legitimate concern, for whatever reason. He feels irritated that he has to say it at all, but the flat tone of her voice just...worries him. He doesn't want the lake from her memories to become her gardening shears.

[He eases himself back onto the grass, only feet away from the waters of the lake now. He's tired...]

[He actually stopped. That’s kinda sad, too, actually. She turns away again before he can speak, which is good, because what he says pries at the stasis like a blade.]

[“Don’t drown yourself.”]

[Ah, yeah, that’s… not an unfamiliar idea, is it.
[She can’t say anything honest, so she keeps walking.]

[The water’s murky as she kneels by it; that’s not right, either. Blood swirls in it like black coffee. She’s not sure if it’s better or worse that, unlike the cliché, it actually washes off. It shouldn’t, that easily; it should be like the handprint on her jacket, a bitch to remove—if she can ever be bothered at all.]

[Something surges in her throat; she cups some dark liquid, throws it at her face, and keeps her hands there, hovering inches away, as it drips. It occurs to her she hasn’t taken her contacts off in ages. Her palms start to shake. She shuts them, violently, around nothing, and lowers them to her lap.]

[It’s a quiet affair, barring the splash. Aubrey stays there, head drooping, for what feels like a long time.]

[She wonders what it’s like to drown.
They shouldn’t be here.]

[Eren’s foot must’ve reformed by now. Aubrey has a quick, lazy go at fixing her hair back, and glances over her shoulder for him. Her expression is still, albeit tenuously, lacking.]

[Eren watches Aubrey for a few minutes. Eventually, some...strange impulse tells him that she's trying to have a private moment. Normally, that might not stop him, but after everything that's happened today (if days are even really a thing here), he feels like he needs one too.

[He lies back on the grass, staring up at the sky, filled with white clouds among the field of blue. It almost looks like home-- No. Don't think of home now...

[He extends his new right hand to the sky, fingers outstretched at nothing. The hand flexes a few times, then spreads back out. He closes his eyes, and keeps his arm extended, idly listening for the sound of drowning. He has to trust that she won't, but he'll check in a few seconds...]

[Eren’s hand is outstretched. The motion’s different this time, less pained, more… wanting. Innocent, almost. Like finding shapes in the clouds, and grabbing for them like they’d be soft to the touch.]

[Boyish.]

[Aubrey doesn’t say anything, but she shakes off her hands, gets up, and… well, where’s she even going? Maybe the world would dissolve if she left, maybe it wouldn’t.

[She lies back besides Eren instead, keeping a bit more distance than when they slept at the barracks. Her hands fold behind her head in a makeshift pillow, and idly her gaze hops from cloud to cloud. There’s no reaching from Aubrey. It’s just empty stuff.]

[There’s silence, for a time, as they float by.]

Think this could last forever? [It’s almost like a joke, but there’s no bite.]

[Eren only vaguely notices Aubrey lying down beside him. She's not at the bottom of the lake - that's good. He doesn't open his eyes yet, nor lower his hand. There's silence, for a time, as they float by.

[At her question, his eyes open - blue-green, pointed up at the sky, stretching out forever above him. His arm strains, fingers stretching ever farther. He looks like the Eren that Armin remembers so fondly.]

Don't you want to see what else is out there...?

[It's an old, leftover sentiment. He wanted it all so badly - fields of ice, endless seas of saltwater, mountains that spit fire. Anything he'd see in this place would only be an illusion; he knows that, and yet...he asks...]

Edited 2023-10-02 19:12 (UTC)

[Been a few years since she did this, huh? Long years. That Aubrey would’ve answered differently.]

I don’t know. [Hell, the Aubrey of a few… what, days? a short while ago, maybe a lifetime; when they were leaving the barracks, before she was reminded who Eren was, learned what he really wants. Before he almost fucking died.

[That Aubrey would’ve answered differently, too.]

I don’t think I care.

[She doesn't care. She doesn't care about freedom, or hope, or what's out there. She doesn't care, and it's Eren's fault, and he's just now starting to care again, and it doesn't matter, because it's all bullshit, it's all fake, it's all an illusion, and he just...wants...]

Freedom isn't real, is it?

[His voice is quiet. He's still reaching, still staring at the sky.]

Anywhere. Even in this impossible place.

[His hand flexes.]

We were cattle in a pen. We were brought to the brink of extinction - feasted on like livestock.

[He feels like crying again. He can't tell if his eyes are still wet from before, or tearing up again. He thinks of his mother...Her voice sounded so real.]

I wanted to change that. But I couldn't...

[His fists clenches around empty air.]

Your world is a cruel place too.

[Scribbled out pictures, gardening sheers, grief - grief. Aubrey knows grief. It spreads out in Eren's chest, black as night, a bottomless void of sorrow and rage.

[He lowers his fist to his chest in an old salute.]

Aubrey...

I want to help you go home.

[He might as well have stabbed her.]

[They are here. They are not home. There is no home—just broken walls, a tortured hallway, a labyrinth of destruction and rot. Eren just said it himself; the world is cruel. Freedom is bullshit. It’s a mercy and a damnation that, in this spiraling limbo, Eren can’t carry out his death mission. And it’s just as fitting that Aubrey never see Faraway again, the real Faraway, the small town from hell that she never meant to stay in anyway. “Home”?! Hilarious. The closest it could offer is gone, whispers and dodged glances sealed in a coffin, and it has festered for four empty, sordid, nothing years.]

Shut… up. [Through gritted teeth.] Shut up. I don’t—

[Aubrey sits bolt upright, shaking. There’s a faint protest from her wound, sealed but raw; she ignores it. She’s glaring, a fragile bullseye with Eren’s 19-year-old face dead center, but it’s not at him at all. The salute is barely noticed.] I don’t believe in fucking fairytales.

[His voice remains calm. The salute is slowly released. His eyes stay on the sky.]

You don't want to?

[Maybe she'll tell the truth. He'll try to accept it if she does. But the way she talked about her friends, as if Eren was the last person she'd be stuck with if she could choose...

[There's no Rumbling where Aubrey comes from. There's still hope.

Throw away your pride.

You don't belong here.

[That’s a question she can’t answer. “Throw away your pride”— Aubrey’s not going to sit here and get lectured by Eren Jaeger all over again. Option three:]

And you do? No one belongs here, Eren—not me, not Armin, not you.

If there was a way back you’d be dead.

["And you do?"

[Ha. Does Eren want to go back home and complete the Rumbling? "Want" is an awfully strong word. "Need" really sums it up better, but Eren's tired of talking about that - at least, for right now.]

I'm not talking about me.

Do you want to go home or not?

And I am talking about you. [Answer me.] What, you want me to burst into tears and beg you to take me h— [Aborted mockery.] The world couldn’t care less about what we want.

We’re here.

You're not answering me.

We’re not stuck in your fucked-up little elevator anymore. [With a joyless grin,] I don’t have to answer shit.

[Eren sits up. He stares out at the water. He's so calm that he knows it must infuriate her. So be it, then.]

I've made up my mind.

Unless you tell me you don't want to go back, that's what I'm striving for.

[Fucking hell. Aubrey frowns immediately; she’d grab for his wrist if she hadn’t been just a bit too far away.]

Then I don’t. Okay? I don’t fucking want t— Even if I did, it wouldn’t—

[Calm down. Calm down. Aubrey shuts her eyes, tries to steady her breathing. She feels like a cornered animal.]

[There’s something desperate about the way she looks back at Eren.] C-come on. Seriously. You know you don’t want that.

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