abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

He's right, Aubrey.

Beside that, from what I hear, congratulations are in order - right?

[Not what she was apologizing f—]

[At Reiner’s words, Aubrey’s face flushes like she’s been caught. Not in a bad way, though it’s strange; when Reiner met her, the ring and its trail to her heart were fresh.]

Yeah. [Smiling a little, anyway.] We did it the right way. [Wait—] I mean— You know. [Aubrey rests slightly on Eren’s arm; if she’s lucky, he’ll figure this is her usual fluster.] We’re married now, yeah. It’s good.

Thanks.

["It's good." A little thrill in Eren's chest.

[They did do it the right way. And it is good. And he's ho-- He's back. He's back with Aubrey again.

[Eren puts his arm around her. He feels like a proper husband. It's strange...

[To Reiner:]

Don't be so embarrassing.

[Never one to mince words, that Eren. Reiner snorts.]

Is it embarrassing to congratulate someone on their marriage? Only to you.

[It's nice, but it's all...a bit too casual. He wonders if Aubrey feels it too, that strange uncertainty - like they still need to tread on eggshells. He's always felt that way with Eren - even when he met him at only twelve years old.

[To Aubrey:]

I guess this must be strange to you. To all of us, really. Right?

[A glance at Eren. He frowns, glancing away, shrugging again. He doesn't seem to want to acknowledge it.]

Not that I'm complaining.

[But it's a bit too good to be true, isn't it?]

[She’s not complaining, either, and confirms with a nod— but it’s back. That terrible, hanging dread. Aubrey’s not sure if it’s her near-slip-up (yeah, getting married the right way, as opposed to…?), but the conversation does feel casual again. That’s dangerous. One moment, awkward compliments; the next, Eren broke his hands straining and tearing for this man....]

[Mikasa. She must be back here, too. And Armin, broken by the sea— Dare Aubrey bring up anyone else…?]

Even if it was a bad strange… we can make it better. [Almost, but not quite, an echo.] I know we can. [We have to. We have to. We have to.]

So that’s the mission, huh?

Did Commander Armin give you that?

[Said with a smile. He doesn’t realize there’s any truth to what he’s saying.]

Eren and I were just talking about the same thing. Weren’t we?

[A short glare at Reiner, as if he doesn’t like being put on the spot; there’s not much behind it, really.]

More or less. We’ve talked about a lot of things.

[Now, to Aubrey:]

Nothing you haven’t mentioned before.

[Taking control, reaching for something better, hope - all of that. In the context of he and Reiner’s conversation, it was more about how they could move forward without having to clash…]

We should be on the same page. That’s what he’s getting at.

[Something dawns on him - a belated reaction to something Reiner said. He turns fully toward Aubrey, eyes widening slightly.]

Did you really see Armin?

[A belated reaction of her own: As soon as I can.
[Aubrey, you dipshit.]

I did! [To Eren, hasty and tactless; a confession, almost apologetic. Even if he pulls away, she’ll stay facing him.

[Better her than another forced echo. Eren can get mad at her; she can’t let the world sink its claws into Armin’s most broken screams.] I did, I talked to him, a-at the ocean. He wants to see you— He. loves. you. You have to know that....

[There is some vague look of anger - maybe offense is a better word. Most likely, it isn't the type that Aubrey's expecting. He looks almost injured, and his voice comes out quiet, ever more so.]

Of course I know that.

I don't fault Armin for what he did. It's exactly what I intended.

[All too soon, a reminder that Eren has been pulling all of the strings for who knows how long...Reiner takes a step back without even realizing it.]

[He’s quiet. That’s almost more concerning. Reiner stepping back doesn’t help.]

Well… you did it. [Aubrey talks before she can fully hear Armin again, face in the sand, begging.] He—

[It’s Eren’s fault Armin, steadfast Armin, broke like that.] He killed you. You made him kill you, didn’t you?

[At last, the dead horse.]

It's more complicated than that. [Eren's go-to answer; is it really, though?

[Reiner has vanished. Eren hasn't seemed to notice yet. Their makeshift sun is rapidly beginning to set.

[Eren's brow pinches as he looks away, a glare toward the ground.]

It wasn't Armin, anyway.

[Very, very voluntarily, Aubrey has to remind herself that Eren is dead, that the past can’t be changed, and they’re here whether she loves him or hates him or anything in-between. And she does love him.]

[But it’s hard not to notice that, as the shadows lengthen, Reiner’s isn’t there.]

That… doesn’t make it better. [Quiet, but not a whisper. Cautious in its flatness. Not that his clarification sounded like an excuse, for once.]

You know that.

I do know that.

[Finally, some bite, a snap, a flicker of the old half-Eren that Aubrey had come to know.

[He glances around briefly for Reiner. He isn't there.

[Grief cuts through him. So, what? He'd managed to scare him off somehow? He points his glare back at Aubrey, accusatory, wounded.]

Armin and I have already talked about this. You're operating on half of an understanding.

Less than.

I— [A pause.] I know I am.

[She stays cautious. The bite is almost promising.]

I just… At least you two are on the same page. [There’s a bitterness to it, despite her best efforts. Residual ire. Because Aubrey can’t say that she and Eren are on the same page. She hates interacting with him like this.]

Now you know he’s here. That’s all.

[It isn't all.

[He wants her to understand.]

I tried to stop it, Aubrey. I already told you that.

I know you did.

[I don’t know if I believe it.]

[There's definitely venom in his voice now.]

Of course you don't. You wouldn't. No one would.

No one knows the places I've been, or what I've seen, or what I've tried.

It doesn't matter. In the end, I failed - I failed more times than you can count in your head.

I get it.

Actually...

[At this, he straightens where he stands, staring down his nose at her.]

That isn't true.

Armin knows. And he believes me just fine.

[A cold chess piece.]

You could take a page out of that book, Aubrey.

[—She wanted him to be mad at her, didn’t she?]

You weren’t supposed to hear that.

[It’s dark. Aubrey’s voice comes out small.]

Why are you— I’m sorry I don’t get it…?

[It’s genuine. It’s not. She doesn’t know.]

[Why are you like this?]

I guess I wasn't supposed to hear that either. You should maintain your thoughts better.

[Why is he like this? Why is he doing this to her? Aren't they supposed to be reaching for peace? Why can't he just be reasonable for once in his goddamn life?]

Because I'm a monster, Aubrey. I always have been. I always will be.

It doesn't matter how human you think I am.

[It's true that he's a monster; is it not his very humanity that makes him all the more monstrous, though? You could excuse a monster for what he's done. You'd have no choice.]

Edited 2023-11-08 04:21 (UTC)

Stop talking like that.

[“I’m the end of the world.”]

You know I’d love you anyway.

[Her chest feels tight.] You want my thoughts? [It’s hard to keep her voice steady with him staring down, down at her.] Why are you treating me like this again?

[Eren's always had scruples. They've never mattered - they've never actually made any difference - but he's always had them. They feel closer than ever now, staring down at Aubrey like she's the dirt beneath his feet.

[His wife. He promised to protect her. He devoted his life to her. He promised to live for her. And now, she's sinking away from him.

[He couldn't scare Armin and Mikasa off. Should he really be taking it for granted that he won't scare Aubrey off either...?

[Why is he treating Aubrey like this again? Only moments ago, he'd felt so light, so calm, so...happy.

['I don't deserve it.'

[Once again, he lets his head fall, casts his eyes away. He looks human again - young, fallible, uncertain. He can't meet her eyes, let alone stare down at her.]

I...don't know.

[He doesn't feel like saying sorry...

['Forget about me.'

[He argues against his thoughts out loud.]

No. Don't. Don't...

[“I don’t deserve it.” They are the same. They are the same. “We are the—”]

[The second Eren looks away, human and unsure, the tension in Aubrey crashes, swallowed by a wave of… well, it’s something. But she grabs for his hand, tight.]

[He might be telling her not to respond.] I don’t care. I won’t—

Eren, don’t you understand? [A plea. She reaches with both hands to clasp his, whether he allowed the initial grab or not, and begs him to see her.] Who cares what we deserve? We’re here for each other....

[She wants to smother him in kisses until neither of them can think.]

[He lets her clasp his hands; clasps hers back, in fact, an almost desperate thing. His expression is pained, human once again. Not for the first time, he wishes that he could force his icy facade back into place; now that it's shattered, he's not sure he ever will be able to again.

[They are the same, in some ways. He's the one who told her that, and he'd meant it at the time, but...]

Aubrey, you're...not a monster...

['Don't you understand?']

Your sins don't even come close to what I've done.

You deserve happiness. It isn't the same...

2/2 cool by gwen stefani plays

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surprise 2/2

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