abandonhumanity: (Default)
Eren Jaeger ([personal profile] abandonhumanity) wrote2023-09-26 12:38 pm

PSL / MEME CONTINUATION


I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine
and rage the likes of which you would not believe.
If I cannot satisfy the one,
I will indulge the other.
headhooligan: (03B “. . .” but make it red)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 01:47 am (UTC)(link)

Did you try to live?

[It’s ridiculous as she says it. Who the hell would want to deal with that for the rest of their life? Oh. Wait.]

[If he answers, she doesn’t hear it.] No, forget it. [Aubrey paces again, incensed, sideways between tree and “town;” not here, not there.] You know, I called you a coward this time [“this time”—real, real funny, isn’t it?] because you’re here, you’re dead, and you’re not facing anyone you’ve hurt yet again.

[She stops, turned once more to Eren Jaeger. It would almost be easier if he was back to his old bullshit.] Guess it doesn’t matter, though, does it?

You’re stuck here. For good.

[With me.]

headhooligan: (09A i have no chill and i must scream)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 02:07 am (UTC)(link)

[I can’t stand you. I can’t stand you. I can not stand you, Eren Jaeger—
[In a twist of mercy, those thoughts stay internal, if only because they’re a conscious farce. Is Operation Don’t-Get-Mad-at-Husband-Who-Probably-Just-Went-Through-Hell a resounding failure yet? Aubrey hates, hates to see him afraid like this; to see and hear him cry; to not know who, in any backwards world, she’s even talking to anymore, all the while completely unable to deny it’s the Eren she’s always known—known, loved, hated, hated to love, everything.]

[He didn’t! want! to die!]

[Aubrey’s going to lose it. She wants to kick his grave until it disappears, as if that’ll change anything.]

So that’s it? [And yet, she sounds suddenly drained.] We just… hang out, and wrestle with guilt for the rest of forever. [Which, well. Is that not what the long-term was going to be, anyway? Only difference is that now he’s cold. And yet warmer and truer than he’s ever been.]

[She can’t stay mad at him.]

Don’t die on me again.

headhooligan: (06B tired.)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 02:47 am (UTC)(link)

[How could he have tried—
[He would have—…?
[And yet, they really are back here after all.]

[For a moment Aubrey’s not sure if that noise was hers or Eren’s. Finally, finally, she thinks to herself— Get over it. You’re not the one who’s dead. But everything said and done has been done and said, and god fucking dammit they will truly never rest.]

[Deserved. Not deserved. Who cares.]

[She returns to the tree, head bowed, and sits back down in the grass at Eren’s side. Aubrey stares at the grass, actually, like it’s the most interesting thing the world has to offer. If eighty percent of it was gone, that’d be just about everywhere in sight but the tree, wouldn’t it?]

[Defeated, she throws an arm over Eren’s back.]

You’re just human.

[The only “just” there ever was.]

headhooligan: (09C . . .)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 03:06 am (UTC)(link)

[At first it sounds like a command. Then, a warning.]

[Aubrey grabs him, the arm around his back curling tighter and the other swinging across his shoulder. It’s not a hug; it’s not not one, even as she can’t look at him.]

No.

I just told you not to die again, dipshit. [Been a while since she insulted him, huh? It’s hard to imagine loving him more than she does in this strange, terrifying moment.] I’m not going anywhere. And I will never forget you.

[Her grip squeezes tighter.] Not in a million years.

headhooligan: (03B vaguely ominous)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 03:23 am (UTC)(link)

Hell with it. [She doesn’t let go.] We’ll find the pattern. We can.

[She pries for a hand. Cold or not, it’s hers to the end.] We will.

headhooligan: (07A leaning)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 04:12 am (UTC)(link)

[That’s more like it.]

[Despite the frustration in Eren’s voice, the tension drains from Aubrey’s shoulders with his reassurance, spoken and otherwise. It’s embarrassing how quickly that calms her, really.]

[She lets herself lean on him, somewhat. He’s killed billions....]

You have my unwavering love. [Nonetheless. Even if his hands aren’t warm as they used to be.]

[Silence, for a bit. Just Aubrey’s breath and Eren’s—yeah? He must be breathing, even if it’s shallow… She can convince herself he is.]

Hey, Eren…

[She tries to meet his eyes. It’s a soft question, but not without purpose.]
What… is freedom, to you?

headhooligan: (06B tired scribbling)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 04:55 am (UTC)(link)

[It strikes Aubrey just how young Eren looks; looks, is, was. Young and dead and pleading. He’s said freedom is a birthright; in that same conversation, that it’s fake. All this for an ideal he’s never touched.]

[He’s not the only one she’s talked with about this, though. Even if it was less direct....

[Aubrey doesn’t know if Armin is alive, or “alive,” or however he and Eren last spoke. For all she knows, the blade was his. So, after some consideration, she goes for a roundabout approach.]

You know, even if there’s no answer…

Maybe it’s up to us…?

[She wishes she could sound more certain. But there’s an echo of hope in it, still.]

headhooligan: (08A etc)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 05:05 am (UTC)(link)

It… wasn’t my idea. [A careful admission. She won’t elaborate (well, world-intervention notwithstanding) unless Eren seems at all ready for it.]

But I think it can work, sometimes.

headhooligan: (06B tired.)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 05:24 am (UTC)(link)

[Her answer wouldn’t change:] I don’t know.

Ever since we talked in the barracks, I haven’t seen… anyone. [The hesitation isn’t evasive; it’s honest, and it’s aching.] Until now.

headhooligan: (09D can’t fix that)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 05:49 am (UTC)(link)

[Eren’s good at choking down lumps.

[“You were alone.” Aubrey’s not.]

[She forces herself to look up at that clear, cloudless sky and tries to take Eren’s words to heart. Whether she believes him or not (and she does want to), it’s true; he’s here now, and he couldn’t go back if he wanted. He’s the one who died.]

I-it’s like I said… [A swallow, and an unsteady breath.] If I see anyone else again, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you a-as soon as I—

[It doesn’t work. She leans on him, fully, as her throat constricts. Her grip on his hands tightens, shaking. Stubbornly, she doesn’t want the world to say this for her, so she chokes it out:] I thought I’d lost you. A-all of you.

But… especially you....

headhooligan: (06C lies down)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 06:15 am (UTC)(link)

[That’s it. She’s done. Aubrey clings to Eren and sobs into his chest, as if she hasn’t drained herself doing this a thousand times already. He’s not as warm as he used to be, but he’s back, damn it. It’s really him....]

It’s okay.... I-it’s… okay.... [She really does hate how she sounds like this, shuddering and squeaking like a faucet gone awry. But she wants Eren to hear this from her, not some thought-insertion.] I… I forgive you.

I know you didn’t mean it.

[That he wouldn’t hurt her, at least. There’s a nagging voice that insists he meant to go back, sooner or later; always did, always would. This world follows intention, sometimes, after all. But whether Eren could help that or not… well. Here they are.]

[Something doesn’t let her indulge long, after that thought. Aubrey pulls back, hardly out of his arms but just enough to wipe her eyes, try to talk normally again.] Besides… about freedom, and answers… I made it my purpose to find you. [She tries to smile. Doesn’t quite manage.] I guess it finally worked.

headhooligan: (09B having a normal one)

[personal profile] headhooligan 2023-11-06 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)

[There’s something monstrous about how quickly they can dismiss those billions of lives, isn’t there? It’s a literal world away, and they’re here. Seems no one can mix comfort and misery like Eren, like Aubrey, one to the other faster than a blade. What have they done to deserve it? Who cares whether they do? They’re really made for each other, aren’t they?]

[A protest dies in Aubrey’s throat as Eren takes her face in his hands again; it’s impossible to voice when his touch is soft enough to strangle it. She holds his face in turn, cradling his cheeks to his jaw as if any moment Eren might fall apart. It’s hard to meet his eyes. She hasn’t noticed yet if his neck is still marked.]

You looked so peaceful…

[She interrupted it.
[I don’t deserve you.]

That’s all I want for you.

[Can you really find it here?]

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