abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[Eren breathes. He hears her words. He nods, but it's a distant, automatic sort of thing. The fact that her tugging and pressing on him doesn't leave him growling in pain is a bad sign. If he can't feel the pain, then that means it's getting the best of him. He needs to stay awake. He needs to fight. "Don't...pass out...like this."]

O-okay...

[He swallows hard. It's a thick, strained sound.]

The strip...above the elbow...tie it tight - tight, Aubrey...

[His ears are ringing. For a brief moment, his eyes roll back in his head. He tastes metal.]

Belt - above the kn-knee - tight...very tight...

[He doesn’t sound good.]

Breathe. Focus. [He’s wasting precious air on her name.]

[Aubrey lifts what’s left of Eren’s leg, wraps the belt around it, places it back as steadily as she can manage. Hands stained in blood, she returns to his arm, ties it, pulls. It occurs to her to apply pressure, and she reaches for his jacket and wraps that around the stump, too. It should be warm, at least.]

[She doesn’t want to leave his side. She has to, briefly, for the belt. It’s heavier, tougher, less pliant; he needs a doctor, she needs help.]

[Hero.]

[The young man’s in medical school. He’s calm, and gentle, and he knows exactly what to do. Aubrey wraps the belt around nearly twicefold, and when she pulls it tight she imagines her friend’s hands helping finish the job.]

Stay steady. [Aubrey’s talking, but the words aren’t quite hers.] Hang in there. It’ll be all right.

[The figure isn’t Hero; it isn’t not Hero, faceless but somewhere in his likeness. He stays by Eren’s leg, applying pressure firm, while Aubrey does the same by Eren’s arm.]

You’re not alone. [Those words are hers.]

Edited 2023-10-02 00:51 (UTC)

[Eren barely notices a third person; in fact, he's poured nearly all of his focus into Aubrey. It's necessary to keep him conscious. She's working, and tying, and applying pressure - tight - but Eren is looking at her face, her eyes, the bow on her head.

["Aubrey..." She'd appear at a time like this?

[He reaches for her with his free hand, still badly trembling. He grips her shoulder, leaving a bloody handprint on her jacket. He looks her in the eye; he needs this.]

It's...not working.

[He's not healing. There's no steam. His wounds aren't closing up. His limbs aren't growing back...]

Shut up.

[It’s the most emotion she’s shown yet, past the initial shock; a split-second snarl, and then it’s gone. She can. not. afford. to let this break. Not now.]

[Aubrey tugs on the arm wrap again, tight, and then grips the stump again like it’s her life depending on it, too. She’s not meeting his eyes, but she’s aware that he’s looking at her, aware of his trembling grip on her shoulder. He’s making it really hard....]

Focus. [Not on me. Don’t dwell on that.] Think of somewhere— Clean. Safe. Warm.

Think of home.

[Aubrey's talking. "Focus." Clean. Safe. Warm.

[Think...of home?

[This memory...it always starts the same. Eren, wrapped in his quilt, seated on the bench by the window; his mother, prepping vegetables for dinner. His father is at work; Mikasa is in the corner, reading. Sunlight streams in through the window behind him. He's tired...no matter what he does, he just can't wake up...]

"Eren..."

[There's a lecture in his mother's tone. Why can't he make out her face? She approaches the bench. Eren is a man. His arm and leg are missing, but bandaged. Aubrey is next to him. He's trying to breathe. Stars cloud the edges of his vision.

[His mother clicks her tongue.]

"Roughhousing again? Don't tell me you got into another fight with those boys..."

[Eren's mouth opens, but struggles for speech. He stares at his mother. He wants to see her eyes so badly. He starts to reach for her, but the arm he's reach with no longer exists.

[His voice sounds young and stunned.]

No, I...I didn't...

"You need to be more careful. Mikasa can't always come running to your rescue like this."

[From the corner, Mikasa raises her head. Eren can't see her face either.]

[They sure end up in a home, all right.]

[It’s strange; when Eren talked about not having a life worth wanting, Aubrey almost forgot that it wasn’t always that way. That he has mentioned having a mother, who got eaten before his eyes. And this… faceless woman, the best limbo can conjure… must be her.]

[Cozy, in here. A girl, Mikasa, reading. (Idly Aubrey wonders if she’s alive.) Fresh vegetables. The stern but loving admonishment that only a mother can give, or so Aubrey understands. It’s not her memory, but it pulls at something deep and wanting.]

[Her hold on Eren loosens; focus. She grabs it tight again, faintly noticing the bandages. Eren sounds so young…]

[Guess if you die in a place like this, Aubrey thinks, the flashbacks really come to life. The idea is banished as soon as it occurs.]

"Who's your friend?"

[Eren's eyes still search his mother's "face" - what should be a face, but isn't; she sounds so real. That's his mother's voice. She's here. He's home.]

"Go on. Introduce us."

[His gaze shifts only briefly to Aubrey. He searches her face too, and it's very real. Back to his mother.]

Aubrey...

[He's answering his mother. She doesn't respond; just...starts whistling and goes back to chopping vegetables.

[He chokes on his own voice. It comes out weak and terribly, terribly small.]

Mom...?

[No response. He groans in pain, pushes himself up with his good arm, tries to reach again with the bad one.]

Mom, listen to me-- [The voice of an impatient child.

[He groans again, slumping back into the same position as before. Warm tears brim in his eyes.]

[Wait, acknowledgment shouldn’t be part of the memory.]

[The face Eren sees, for that moment, is one of quiet shock—someone who’s just seen a ghost, been talked to by a ghost, but the reaction’s still suppressed.]

[Eren says her name again. He just… doesn’t know how to be quiet, does he? But any irritation dissipates immediately when Aubrey hears his choked, childish voice; and then he tries to get up.]

Hey, don’t— [Her hands hover over his back and chest, a wordless offer of support (and threat, to push him back if he keeps straining)—but the moment’s over almost as it’s started, and she tries to at least guide him back in his slump.]

[Is he still bleeding? Are the bandages clean? Aubrey studies those, because god if the tears in Eren’s eyes don’t threaten to crush her.] Easy....

[The bleeding seems to have stopped for the moment, although Eren's limbs still aren't regenerating. He's in pain - terrible pain, but it's nothing compared to watching his mother's silhouette as she moves about the kitchen, whistling that all-too-familiar tune that could only be his mother's little song. The tears in his eyes overflow and slide down his cheeks. He's entirely disarmed; he's crushed.]

It isn't real...

[His voice is sharp with emotion. His eyes don't leave his mother, but his face contorts with pain.]

This...this is...cruel...

[He's crying. He wants his mother. He wants his mother.]

[This was a mistake.]

[Eren… he doesn’t cry for his mother. But he doesn’t slam on self-made cages, either, or—just, no, god, listen. Listen to that. He does. He’s done all of it, and it is raw and it is terrible and it is so, thoroughly, painfully human.]

[So that’s the weight, tumorous and rotting, that’s been ever-churning in Aubrey’s chest.

[Heartache.
[For Eren Jaeger.]

[There’s no hand on this side for her to take. Cruel. Everything about this is so damn cruel....

[On a stray impulse, Aubrey takes off her bow. She thumbs at the soft ribbon for a moment, placing it on her lap. Then wraps an arm around Eren’s back, and rubs across his other shoulder as he cries.]

I’m sorry. [It’s very quiet. He doesn’t have to hear it.]

[There is, to this moment, some small freedom.

[Eren cries freely. He sinks and turns into Aubrey, lays the arm he still has over his eyes, and he cries. He cries like he's a little kid again; hell, maybe worse. It has to be worse, doesn't it?

[One time, he came home, crying because the other kids had stolen bread from Armin again. His family wouldn't have enough to eat. It wasn't fair. Someone had to stop them. The injustice was just. Too. Great.

[He thinks about it now and sobs ever harder.

[These days, when Eren laughs, it's an inhuman sound.

[But this is a very human sound.

[Warm steam begins rising slowly out of the stumps left over from his arm and leg. He doesn't notice.]

[The turn is… unexpected.]

[There’s just a moment’s shock, and then she throws both arms around him and grabs hold, tight. Aubrey does notice the steam, but it’s incidental, more sensation than sight; her eyes are shut, as she leans right back into him, and lets the feeling take them.

[They stay like that for a time. Quiet, save for Eren’s crying. The soft hum of his mother. Aubrey finds her own breathing surprisingly steady. When was the last time she heard someone (else) cry like this? Has she ever? Eren’s presence is a damnation, most times; but it’s a comfort, too.

[She really would save him, if she could.]

[The scene fades, engulfed in light; it may not reach Eren, with his eyes covered, but it gets warmer—sunlight, gentle, on skin. There’s still humming, but the tune shifts; the voice, subtly, with it; note by soothing note.

[Aubrey doesn’t let go, but her eyes open sharply when she recognizes the melody. Then it ends.]

[If Eren looks up, past Aubrey, he’ll see a lake, sparkling in a midday sun. They’re alone, here, unlike the memory. But he should recognize it, and maybe that ghost of a song, all the same.]

[As soon as the scene changes, Eren is aware that he's no longer home. There's a terrible grief to that; his crying doesn't subside once the shadow of his mother is gone. He needs just a few more moments, to cope with the wave of pain that swirls through him once he opens his eyes and sees that the walls of his home have well and truly fell.

[But he does recognize this place. Why? It isn't something from his memories. It takes him a few seconds to remember; this is the place that Aubrey showed him in the barracks. That same calm, peaceful, warm place. Eren doesn't know when he stopped crying, but his breath is...easy. His skin is warm. His arm and leg...it's slow, but they're growing back.

[He's still slumped against Aubrey. He looks at her, eyes searching, but...for what?

[When he speaks, his voice is hoarse from sobbing, and still...so very small, somehow; he's still stunned.]

You saved me.

Thank you...

[Aubrey’s not quite aware of when Eren’s crying shifts, either. It’s… disorienting, to be back here. And even so she knows it’s not true; the toys usually strewn through the grass, variously bright and sunbleached, are nowhere to be seen. The red picnic blanket isn’t here; its owner, she’s not here, despite the sound.

[A small cruelty in its own right, to float the faceless possibility and then silence that, too.
[Aubrey doesn’t dwell on it.]

[Besides, Eren’s here, still. Good. She wasn’t trying to end his own memory so suddenly, much as it taunted him.... His voice takes her back to the moment, and its weariness twists her heart all the more.]

[“You saved me.
“Thank you…”

[Aubrey doesn’t have words.

[Well, obviously: “I should be thanking you.” She never did, for all he kept reminding her. If he’d died, maybe she never would have. The overwhelm, belated and unwelcome, lingers at the edge of her consciousness; in fighting that off, the thanks gets trapped, too.

[After all that, and everything before… for that to be the first thing he says to her.... The look Aubrey gives Eren is pained. His eyes are still glistening, and she can’t take it.]

I should check your… [Snapping back, almost, but it’s not her reserve to own. The steam, finally, catches her attention fully anyway.] …wound....

[Eren's eyes go to his stump arm, the bandages now burdened with the speed at which it's regenerating. He unravels them with his free hand, showing little care. The wound itself is gone, only dried blood left behind. Steam pours from the stump, clouding the air so badly that it's hard to make out in detail just how it's slowly growing back. It's the same with his leg. His pain is all but gone...]

Undo those tourniquets...

It's working now...

[Why...?]

[There’s a jolt of panic when he tears off his bandages, but Aubrey’s hardly reached forward when the steam engulfs them. She leans back, startled, but doesn’t otherwise move away.]

Y-yeah, yeah, ah… [Waving at it a little doesn’t do much for visibility.] Hold on....

[It’s a bit of a blind grab, but Aubrey knows where she tied it and it’s not hard to discern skin from fabric, much as both (and her hands, still) are caked in blood. She fumbles with it.
[Shifts it again.
[And when that doesn’t work (it’s so… tight....) she just pries the whole thing off, curling it down off the limb.]

Sorry if this hurts. [Genuine, if still distracted-sounding. Aubrey tries to be careful near the stump.] Titan thing, again?

[It hurts a bit, and he does wince, but not much more than that. It's a relief to have the tourniquets off now that he doesn't need them. They really were on tight. Idly, he says:]

You did a good job...

[He holds up the stump of his arm, which is almost back up to the wrist now. He watches as it reaches it's way out further and further.]

Inheriting a titan allows your body to heal and regenerate indefinitely.

Usually I can control it.

[That skill had taken a while to learn, but...

[He lowers his arms both into his lap. One has a palm that's facing him; one has no palm at all yet.]

I've gotten spoiled on this. I would have died if you hadn't shown up.

Stop kissing my ass, Jaeger.

[It’s a very offhand irritation. While Eren holds up his regenerating arm, Aubrey removes the belt; this one’s easier. She doesn’t remember bothering to clasp it like some bloody mannequin display, but at least this one’s simple to undo.]

I was listening to you. Just don’t get yourself mauled again. [She hands the belt over without making eye contact. It is a weird sort of fascinating to watch the wrist reform, so she has an excuse for it.]

[Eren tries for a small glare at her, but all he can really manage is to look exhausted - and he is exhausted. He’s used to having to get his bearings quickly, but this has been…a lot.

[Idly, with his fully formed hand, he scratches at his cheek.

[Where…could they possibly go from here?]

I don’t know what happened.

[It’s a strange admission. But, potentially, an important one; a new threat to consider.]

Nothing attacked me. It just happened.

[The cheek scratch threatens to drag her attention to his face again, so Aubrey stares vaguely out towards the water instead. Still something really disquieting about it, to her. Like she shouldn’t be here, even its mirror.]

[She pulls her knees up, idly setting the bow aside in the process. The motion’s still stiffer than it used to be.] “Just happened,” huh. [It’d be a drier comment if she wasn’t mildly concerned he was telling the truth.]

Like you just disappeared on me. Like you just trapped us in an elevator. [Okay. Maybe she’s a little bitter…? It’s a lot less scathing than Eren’s heard her before, though, not antagonistic; more vaguely annoyed than anything.] Great. Where to next.

[Aubrey doesn’t sound enthusiastic.]

I’m not lying to you.

[His voice has no real edge to it either. He sounds vaguely irritated as well, but that isn’t anything new. Mostly, he sounds distant, or maybe “distracted” is a better word. His eyes trail off to the lake too, brow pinched slightly above them.]

I woke up and my limbs were being torn off. That’s the only way I can explain it.

[A glance in her direction. He looks more like his usual self, but his eyes are still red and glassy. His right hand has formed again.]

I didn’t do it on purpose, if that’s what you’re implying.

I didn’t disappear on purpose either.

[Ah, that’s more like it. He’s somewhere near annoyed again.]

[Why did she let that fly by like it was nothing…?]

[Aubrey, categorically, does not dwell on it. She also doesn’t risk a look Eren’s way.]

That’s terrifying. [Very flat. Yet honest, still.] But I guess it fits. One second it’s all crazy, and the next…

Here.

[Small shrug.]

[And, if he’ll allow a silence for a bit… after, quieter:] Don’t disappear on me again.

[Eren's soul is present and heavy. He looks down at his right hand, flexing it, twisting it around, recalling that familiar pain. There has to be some reason, doesn't there? Is he supposed to just lie around and accept that their lives have been tied to the whims of whatever sick entity controls this place?

[Cattle in a pen...Eren clenches his fist tight. He's still not looking at Aubrey, but...]

Fine. I won't.

[Not "I won't if I can control it" or "I won't if the universe will allow that", etc., etc.. When he was first learning to control his transformation, he'd say things like "I'm not sure if I can do it."; then, he'd be asked, "But will you do it?".

[He will.]

We'll stay together. It's the only way.

[“Fine.” That earns a little huff. No sooner is he done talking:] Gee, don’t sound too excited.

[Aubrey says this while still sounding hollow herself. What, she finally got it all out of her system and now there’s nothing left? Eren almost died. He cried on her shoulder. She’s supposed to freak out about that.

[It’s weird. It’s wrong, almost, but that’s a strong word. Maybe it’s this place; they’ve overstayed their welcome. Or at least she has.]

[Without warning Aubrey stands, headed towards the lake.]

[Eren watches her walk. It doesn't sit well with him; something else that doesn't sit well with him is Aubrey's tone, and how it's changed the last few times they've talked.

[It's his fault. He knows that. He remembers that conversation; he remembers trying to break her.

[It couldn't have really worked, right? His chest feels tight.

[His left foot is still reforming, but he pushes himself up anyway, limping in her direction.]

Where are you going?

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