PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[abandonhumanity]

I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine
and rage the likes of which you would not believe.
If I cannot satisfy the one,
I will indulge the other.

Comments

[abandonhumanity]

ex? that hurts

[He's baiting her.]

I have plenty of ideas for the weekend and they all involve you so buckle up I guess

[headhooligan]

[Maybe she’ll bite in person.]

don’t sound too enthusiastic [she types, enthusiastically]

[Also typed, guess mikasa and armin can go fuck themselves, but she’s not annoyed enough to pull that card. Yet. Backspace it is....]

at least share what i’m supposed to buckle up for

[abandonhumanity]

[That's cool. He's into biting.]

Me, obviously

[headhooligan]

swooning already

[Mental note made: her unblemished neck is not surviving this weekend. Neither is his.]

[She just can’t drive safe with this guy.]

anything else? <3

[abandonhumanity]

yeah
what are our costumes?

[headhooligan]

wow, that’s sooooo many plans
we might not have time idk

[abandonhumanity]

don't play dumb
we'll keep ourselves busy and you know it

could go to the old spot

[You know - The Spot(TM). It's sacred to them even now; at least, it had better be. A place that no one else in the world quite knows how to reach. Their first kiss, their first time, their first "I love you", their first "Goodbye". The Spot.]

[headhooligan]

[Ah. That spot.

[The spot just far enough from the neighborhood, off the trail, for no sane kid to ever get near. The spot between broken houses. The spot where they carved their names in a tree, intertwined their fingers, and swore countless promises to each other, meant to last forever. Not all have been broken. Last they saw, their names were still there.]

[The spot Aubrey hasn’t touched since that last (“last”) goodbye. Of course not. She’s not that masochistic.]

[There’s a silence before Aubrey replies. Eren might start to think she got called away from the phone, as if that’s something she ever lets happen.]

we’re not getting back together

[Who’s she telling that to, really?]

[abandonhumanity]

[A knife. He’s reminded of the hatred, always rotting in his core.]

fuck you
didn’t ask

[It hurts badly. He wants her. He was fine not throwing titles and promises around. He just wants her. Is it really so much to fucking ask?]

[headhooligan]

[Hit a nerve, huh?

[Not intended, for once. But he’s the one who brought up their spot.]

we’re not going /there/
that’s all i meant

[abandonhumanity]

no that’s not what the fuck you meant
liar

who are you trying to convince?
I wanted to see you that’s it

[Thats never “it”.]

[headhooligan]

[A pause. Considerable, albeit less so than before.]

Incoming call from
Bow Girl 💗💗

✅ ❌

> audio

[abandonhumanity]

[Ever the crybaby, Eren has to force the emotion out of his throat before answering. His tone is low and fake. Knowing Aubrey, she won’t buy it for a second.]

What?

[headhooligan]

[It’s about what she expected. There’s a reason she paused before initiating this, too. Not a fair play, really.]

Eren. [Likewise, he’ll hear a trace of irritation that Aubrey couldn’t quite snuff out. But mostly, her voice is steady, near-insistent. Talking him down....]

You’ll see me. Pinky promise.

[Eren probably can’t hear it, but… she bites her thumb.]

[abandonhumanity]

[It’s a tone he knows very well, as infuriating as it is soothing. It (almost) never fails.

[Embarrassingly, he sniffles into the receiver. He bites his thumb and lets it drop.]

I just want to go home for a while.

[Home. Mom. Armin and Mikasa. Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey. Familiar streets and sacred spots. The smell of his hometown. The shitty soft serve at the ancient ice cream shop that won’t close. His tree. The grocery store with the leaky roof.]

[headhooligan]

[There’s enough weight in his voice, that word home, for Aubrey to stifle a retort about how he didn’t have to leave. He’d fire the same right back, she’s sure. And now’s not the time.]

You will be. Soon.

[She’d hug him if she could. That sniffling gets her every time.]

And we’ll be right here for you. Okay?

[abandonhumanity]

[She’s being too nice. He’s tempted to be annoyed, but it’s exactly what he needs. She can tell there’s something deeper going on - something even Eren can’t articulate yet. Aubrey always knows.

[Always crying. There’s another sniffle. He tries to saw through his tears with his hand. It’s humiliating.]

Hey, would you, uh…

[He forces his tone to sound casual, like he’s just changing the subject. But it’s not a casual subject. And his voice is still struggling with emotion.]

Could we go see Mom? Yeah?

[headhooligan]

Yeah. [No hesitation. It’s impossible to say no to that.] For as long as you want.

[abandonhumanity]

[He can’t control the sound that escapes him; something between a whimper and the sound someone makes when they’ve been stabbed.]

Cool. Thanks.

[…]

I wouldn’t ask anyone else.

[To see Carla’s grave? Armin and Mikasa, certainly. To sit there for hours, picking at the grass and talking to a headstone? Aubrey’s eyes only.]

[headhooligan]

[They’ve spent too long at the cemetery. It’ll never be enough.]

…Yeah.
[Unspoken: Likewise.

[Because those strangled, animal sounds? From Aubrey… for Eren’s ears only.
[No one else gets it.]

[ . . . ]

I’ll keep you warm.

[abandonhumanity]

[No one else will ever get it. The only thing that’s kept Eren alive some nights is knowing that if he were gone, Aubrey would have to make those sounds alone.]

You always do…

[It never gets any easier, does it?]

This doesn’t have to be a bad trip.

[headhooligan]

[There’s an immediate, piercing twist in her gut. “Bad trip” leaves a lot to the imagination. Too much. Especially considering how this talk, out loud, started.

[Aubrey can’t make herself say “we’ll see” after what they talked about, though. Not so soon.

[Why does he have to be… so…]

It doesn’t. [Fuck, can she be sweet with him for a whole weekend and then some? Can she afford not to be?]

[Aubrey closes her eyes.] I love you.

Cw hard drugs

[abandonhumanity]

[The first time Aubrey said “I love you” to Eren, chills rippled up his spine, making his toes curl in his shoes, and the hair on his neck stand up straight. It was all anticipation, building to a breaking point. He half-expected it. The thrill he felt left no room for comparison.

[It isn’t like that now. Aubrey’s “I love you” is more like heroin than honey. It’s a desperate, aching, clawing need. It’s “just enough to get well again”. It’s hanging on every word she says in case he might miss it. It’s a cavernous darkness begging for a morsel to be tossed inside. The thrill is all artificial. He starts longing again the second the high is over.]

I love you, Bow.

Forever.

[headhooligan]

[‘Impossible,’ she wants to say, skipping a line. But that’s just it; Eren would sooner die than stop loving Aubrey, or lose her love, and it’s what’s turned his “I love you”s, to her, from a cherished melody to a distorted, broken shriek. It never gets easier to hear; and yet Aubrey prompts it anyway, as if maybe this time, it’ll stab her less.

[She can still hear what it used to be, without the noise; care, intense qnd burning, endless devotion. That never changed. “Forever,” he insists. That’s what kills her.]

[And Aubrey is a horrible enabler.]
Love you forever, Bun. [Y’know, like the hair he started wearing well into his spiral. Like the animals Aubrey loves so much. Like “honey bun,” sweet and disgustingly saccharine and terrible.

[She hasn’t used it in a while.]

We’ll see each other soon, yeah?

[abandonhumanity]

[Mumbled, but he's just barely smiling by the end of it:]

Love you more.

[He loves it when she calls him that. She hasn't in a while now. It makes his back prickle with shivers. His arms feel desperate for her, every inch of his body aching. Soon.]

Yeah, we will. Leaving Thursday.