[ He laughs again, wants to shove Eren's head, mess up his hair, tease him for being ridiculous. ]
Well, I wasn't furious. I was just–
[ It feels so stupid. Two weeks is nothing, in the grand scheme of things. He knows this.
But he has spent every single day since the afternoon that he let Rumi go building a life that ensures he never experiences loss again. He did it once, and that was enough. It shattered his heart and set him on a course for total perfection, total solitude. He couldn't ever do it again, and in the end, it was easy to do: Isolate, create distance, let no one in.
Coming to Somnius threw a wrench into things, but his desire to leave and to allow others to return to their own realities should they so choose ought to have inured him to the pain. He lost a few friends before this. There was some sadness, at first, but it faded easily with the knowledge that they were better off no longer trapped in a false reality. He really did think that was a foolproof safeguard.
Six, seven years since Rumi, and this is the first loss he's experienced.
It's stupid. It is. He knows it. But it shredded through him slowly, and it was never in anger. Only the pure misery of grief. ]
It doesn't matter.
[ He shakes his head, thumps a weak fist against Eren's back. ]
Don't apologize, though. I know you had nothing to do with it. You wouldn't have left like that if you had any choice in the matter. It's just... this place.
no subject
Well, I wasn't furious. I was just–
[ It feels so stupid. Two weeks is nothing, in the grand scheme of things. He knows this.
But he has spent every single day since the afternoon that he let Rumi go building a life that ensures he never experiences loss again. He did it once, and that was enough. It shattered his heart and set him on a course for total perfection, total solitude. He couldn't ever do it again, and in the end, it was easy to do: Isolate, create distance, let no one in.
Coming to Somnius threw a wrench into things, but his desire to leave and to allow others to return to their own realities should they so choose ought to have inured him to the pain. He lost a few friends before this. There was some sadness, at first, but it faded easily with the knowledge that they were better off no longer trapped in a false reality. He really did think that was a foolproof safeguard.
Six, seven years since Rumi, and this is the first loss he's experienced.
It's stupid. It is. He knows it. But it shredded through him slowly, and it was never in anger. Only the pure misery of grief. ]
It doesn't matter.
[ He shakes his head, thumps a weak fist against Eren's back. ]
Don't apologize, though. I know you had nothing to do with it. You wouldn't have left like that if you had any choice in the matter. It's just... this place.