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Of course.
[ Said without even looking. Maruki's busy closing the room up. It isn't entirely austere; nothing of his ever could be. Shelves on the walls are lined with books he's stolen from the library, some of the smaller potted plants he kept in Eyn Sof. Odds and ends from life in Somnius. The dagger Eren let him keep during war.
The large window above the bed pours in bright, dappled light through the tall trees that surround the building. Maruki draws curtains closed to dim it; the room is awash in pale, warm yellow light. ]
It's peaceful, right?
[ He clambers onto the bed inelegantly, flops down properly, perpendicular to where Eren has situated himself. A little bonk to the top of Eren's head, like he would during those times that his best friend spontaneously became a child. ]
Lay down normally. Dork.
[ Said without even looking. Maruki's busy closing the room up. It isn't entirely austere; nothing of his ever could be. Shelves on the walls are lined with books he's stolen from the library, some of the smaller potted plants he kept in Eyn Sof. Odds and ends from life in Somnius. The dagger Eren let him keep during war.
The large window above the bed pours in bright, dappled light through the tall trees that surround the building. Maruki draws curtains closed to dim it; the room is awash in pale, warm yellow light. ]
It's peaceful, right?
[ He clambers onto the bed inelegantly, flops down properly, perpendicular to where Eren has situated himself. A little bonk to the top of Eren's head, like he would during those times that his best friend spontaneously became a child. ]
Lay down normally. Dork.
[Funny that being called a "dork" should make emotion well up in Eren's chest, but people don't speak fondly of him anymore. They have no reason to. He's a bastard and a traitor and a monster and a god and a plague and ghost.
[To Maruki, just a dork worth bopping on the head. Eren's eyes fall momentarily closed, eyelids straining with some vague hint of pain.
[He breathes just fine. That's really not the problem.
[Anyway, there's not exactly an elegant way to climb into a bed like this, so eventually, he turns to get on his hands and knees and pulls himself in properly. He settles on his back again, arms fully folding over his chest now, rather than just the hands. He doesn't exactly look comfortable. Maruki might remember that Eren preferred to sleep on his side, but he hasn't done so in quite a while now. Too comforting, somehow.
[Maruki asked him a question. He turns his head barely to the side, watching his friend. There were a couple of times, before, where they lay together, but not like this. They wrapped around each other, just as he would with anyone in the 104th, or anyone here that he loves. It's what he's used to and what he wants, but it's been too long. He doesn't touch - only destroys. His hands grip his own biceps, jaw grinding just slightly.
[He's forgotten entirely how to act human.]
It is. [Peaceful, he means. Has he waited too long to respond?] It's smaller than a cell.
Can't say that it feels like one, though.
[To Maruki, just a dork worth bopping on the head. Eren's eyes fall momentarily closed, eyelids straining with some vague hint of pain.
[He breathes just fine. That's really not the problem.
[Anyway, there's not exactly an elegant way to climb into a bed like this, so eventually, he turns to get on his hands and knees and pulls himself in properly. He settles on his back again, arms fully folding over his chest now, rather than just the hands. He doesn't exactly look comfortable. Maruki might remember that Eren preferred to sleep on his side, but he hasn't done so in quite a while now. Too comforting, somehow.
[Maruki asked him a question. He turns his head barely to the side, watching his friend. There were a couple of times, before, where they lay together, but not like this. They wrapped around each other, just as he would with anyone in the 104th, or anyone here that he loves. It's what he's used to and what he wants, but it's been too long. He doesn't touch - only destroys. His hands grip his own biceps, jaw grinding just slightly.
[He's forgotten entirely how to act human.]
It is. [Peaceful, he means. Has he waited too long to respond?] It's smaller than a cell.
Can't say that it feels like one, though.
[ The difference is palpable, and it isn't difficult to figure why. Maruki knows what Eren's future holds, but it isn't only that.
Just a little more than two weeks ago, they sacked out together in the farmhouse during the war. Maruki can still remember exactly how he fell asleep, Eren's head pressed into his shoulder. For Eren, though – it's been four years, and infinite time on top of that. How much opportunity has he had for casual affection of any kind?
None in a while, by the looks of it.
Maruki turns onto his side to face in, head propped up on one hand. Observes his rigid position, the tension of his grip on his own arms.
It might not be the right thing to do, in the end, but that's why he's doing this. To relearn his friend. And even with all that now separates them, what remains is what ties them together irrevocably. He trusts that his instincts are more right than they aren't.
His other hand lands on Eren's arm. Wraps around his bicep, just below Eren's own grip, and tugs. Gentle but insistent, trying to loosen it away.
He doesn't call attention to it, simply keeps up the idle conversation as he tries to unpeel Eren from himself. ]
I like it, there's nothing to do in here but sleep. There's another room up here where we keep our clothes and things, and a guest room with– ah, futons, they're like floor beds? I don't think I ever told you about those.
Just a little more than two weeks ago, they sacked out together in the farmhouse during the war. Maruki can still remember exactly how he fell asleep, Eren's head pressed into his shoulder. For Eren, though – it's been four years, and infinite time on top of that. How much opportunity has he had for casual affection of any kind?
None in a while, by the looks of it.
Maruki turns onto his side to face in, head propped up on one hand. Observes his rigid position, the tension of his grip on his own arms.
It might not be the right thing to do, in the end, but that's why he's doing this. To relearn his friend. And even with all that now separates them, what remains is what ties them together irrevocably. He trusts that his instincts are more right than they aren't.
His other hand lands on Eren's arm. Wraps around his bicep, just below Eren's own grip, and tugs. Gentle but insistent, trying to loosen it away.
He doesn't call attention to it, simply keeps up the idle conversation as he tries to unpeel Eren from himself. ]
I like it, there's nothing to do in here but sleep. There's another room up here where we keep our clothes and things, and a guest room with– ah, futons, they're like floor beds? I don't think I ever told you about those.
[Eren is touched.
[Don't. The blade will cut. Don't.
[Maruki's tug is weak - it should do nothing. But Eren isn't pulled. Just invited.
[Maruki isn't afraid. Not of him.
[He mourns the realities he spent without his dearest friend. How different might they have been? Not at all, maybe. Maruki couldn't change his future even once they did meet.
[But Eren isn't asking for that; isn't asking for anything, but he's given it, regardless.
[He's always wanted to be close. As a child, he craved friendship and met rejection at every turn. As a teenager, his closest friends were those assigned to him. As an adult, he destroyed them; realized that they always feared him, and that they were right to.
[Is there truly anyone else who loves Eren the way Maruki does? It's unconditional.
[He can think of two others. They aren't here. Eren wanted Maruki to meet them.
[Eren shifts onto his side, arms still folded tight. He feels ashamed without knowing why. He can't quite look at Maruki. His cheeks are tinged red with embarrassment, but it has nothing to do with their closeness.
[He doesn't deserve him.
[Maruki just keeps talking. Eren follows the conversation for what it is. Hell if he has anything better to contribute. It's easier, more pleasant, to talk about things like:]
A bedroll?
[Don't. The blade will cut. Don't.
[Maruki's tug is weak - it should do nothing. But Eren isn't pulled. Just invited.
[Maruki isn't afraid. Not of him.
[He mourns the realities he spent without his dearest friend. How different might they have been? Not at all, maybe. Maruki couldn't change his future even once they did meet.
[But Eren isn't asking for that; isn't asking for anything, but he's given it, regardless.
[He's always wanted to be close. As a child, he craved friendship and met rejection at every turn. As a teenager, his closest friends were those assigned to him. As an adult, he destroyed them; realized that they always feared him, and that they were right to.
[Is there truly anyone else who loves Eren the way Maruki does? It's unconditional.
[He can think of two others. They aren't here. Eren wanted Maruki to meet them.
[Eren shifts onto his side, arms still folded tight. He feels ashamed without knowing why. He can't quite look at Maruki. His cheeks are tinged red with embarrassment, but it has nothing to do with their closeness.
[He doesn't deserve him.
[Maruki just keeps talking. Eren follows the conversation for what it is. Hell if he has anything better to contribute. It's easier, more pleasant, to talk about things like:]
A bedroll?
[ It's unconditional.
It didn't start that way, and one day Maruki will have to reckon with that, apologize for behavior that Eren never seemed to become aware of, even when it was pointed out to him.
He quickly learned, counseling in Somnius, that he couldn't fix anyone. Not when every reality is more horrific than the last, and not when their struggles are so far outside his comprehension. All he could do was listen, and accept, and let them be. And Eren was the first to get that treatment. The one to get it most often.
He learned how to unconditionally accept Eren long before he learned to love him. One begat the other, transmuting easily. It's never been difficult to love the closest friend he's made in any reality. Never.
Not even now, as Eren lies stiff and reticent on his side, his mind worlds away. ]
Sort of like a bedroll, but better. Whatever you're picturing, imagine it approximately a hundred times more comfortable. I'll show you one later.
[ Maruki lays his head down, watches Eren for a moment. The first time they ended up passing out together at the farm, Eren told him about sleeping close to his friends. How normal it was for him, how much he needed it.
A lot has changed, but Eren is still Eren. Still the boy who cried into his chest about Marco before he fell asleep.
He's lost so much. He hasn't lost himself, even if he believes he has. Maruki won't allow it.
Without hesitation, he reaches across to lay an arm over Eren's shoulders, palm coming to rest against his nape. A gentle touch, a gentle pressure. An unspoken invitation that will only continue to be extended, whether or not Eren takes it. ]
It didn't start that way, and one day Maruki will have to reckon with that, apologize for behavior that Eren never seemed to become aware of, even when it was pointed out to him.
He quickly learned, counseling in Somnius, that he couldn't fix anyone. Not when every reality is more horrific than the last, and not when their struggles are so far outside his comprehension. All he could do was listen, and accept, and let them be. And Eren was the first to get that treatment. The one to get it most often.
He learned how to unconditionally accept Eren long before he learned to love him. One begat the other, transmuting easily. It's never been difficult to love the closest friend he's made in any reality. Never.
Not even now, as Eren lies stiff and reticent on his side, his mind worlds away. ]
Sort of like a bedroll, but better. Whatever you're picturing, imagine it approximately a hundred times more comfortable. I'll show you one later.
[ Maruki lays his head down, watches Eren for a moment. The first time they ended up passing out together at the farm, Eren told him about sleeping close to his friends. How normal it was for him, how much he needed it.
A lot has changed, but Eren is still Eren. Still the boy who cried into his chest about Marco before he fell asleep.
He's lost so much. He hasn't lost himself, even if he believes he has. Maruki won't allow it.
Without hesitation, he reaches across to lay an arm over Eren's shoulders, palm coming to rest against his nape. A gentle touch, a gentle pressure. An unspoken invitation that will only continue to be extended, whether or not Eren takes it. ]
[Eren's forgotten what they were talking about. It takes only that split second, that gentle touch, that sacred area. Static erupts beneath the skin, crawling down his back and over his shoulders. It feels as if a chill could be warm. The inside of his throat feels thicker. Grey-green eyes sharpen - focused, alert, all the things fear has warped itself into for the sake of survival.
[It's too much. It's been too long. Jean and he only touched after it was established that Eren was hated; thereby unwelcome, or so it feels. But Maruki welcomes him.
[And Eren could argue. Eren could remind Maruki that he's a monster, that his true reality is an ocean of pulp and blood - on and on and on and on, Eren could argue, but it won't do any good. He knows it won't do any good. Maruki won't hate him. Eren doesn't want him to. Maruki won't push him away. Eren doesn't want him to. Maruki will keep him safe.
["Safe". As if Eren isn't a god himself. As if Eren isn't perfectly capable of making sure that nothing can hurt him. As if a 300-meter beast with an army of others needs to feel safe, but he does.
[He does.
[If he were still sixteen, he'd fold into Maruki, cling tight, and sob.
[If there was anyone he could cry in front of, it would be this man, but he simply doesn't. He simply can't. Can only stare at Maruki like a cornered animal, eyes dry where they would have once welled up wet. There's nothing to blink away.
[But his palm comes up to Maruki's chest. His fingers curl, pulling together knitted fabric. His brow pinches just the tiniest bit. He turns his head down and glares between them, almost angry - only at himself. Maybe you could merely call it frustration. Maybe pure rage isn't all there is left.
[He uncrosses his arms; "adjusts," but it moves him just an inch closer. He still can't seem to look at him.]
I'm not the same. [He whispers it between them.] I'll never be the same. I'm sorry.
[It's too much. It's been too long. Jean and he only touched after it was established that Eren was hated; thereby unwelcome, or so it feels. But Maruki welcomes him.
[And Eren could argue. Eren could remind Maruki that he's a monster, that his true reality is an ocean of pulp and blood - on and on and on and on, Eren could argue, but it won't do any good. He knows it won't do any good. Maruki won't hate him. Eren doesn't want him to. Maruki won't push him away. Eren doesn't want him to. Maruki will keep him safe.
["Safe". As if Eren isn't a god himself. As if Eren isn't perfectly capable of making sure that nothing can hurt him. As if a 300-meter beast with an army of others needs to feel safe, but he does.
[He does.
[If he were still sixteen, he'd fold into Maruki, cling tight, and sob.
[If there was anyone he could cry in front of, it would be this man, but he simply doesn't. He simply can't. Can only stare at Maruki like a cornered animal, eyes dry where they would have once welled up wet. There's nothing to blink away.
[But his palm comes up to Maruki's chest. His fingers curl, pulling together knitted fabric. His brow pinches just the tiniest bit. He turns his head down and glares between them, almost angry - only at himself. Maybe you could merely call it frustration. Maybe pure rage isn't all there is left.
[He uncrosses his arms; "adjusts," but it moves him just an inch closer. He still can't seem to look at him.]
I'm not the same. [He whispers it between them.] I'll never be the same. I'm sorry.
Eren.
[ Firm, grounding. The same tone he's used a hundred times before to hold Eren's attention.
Earlier, Eren held him in the rubble and let him cry, the first person in Somnius to do so. He isn't crying now, but Maruki can easily recognize the heaviness of this moment that would normally call for it. He can be that same stalwart presence. He's done it before. He'll do it as many times as Eren needs, in every reality they meet in. It's an honor, to be so trusted.
Eren scoots an inch closer; Maruki makes up the rest of the distance easily. Rolls close enough for them to curl together as they used to, if Eren eventually allows himself to do so. His voice is calm, measured, filled to the brim with nothing less than complete and total understanding. ]
You don't have to apologize for that. Not to me. I don't expect you to be the same– I don't even want you to be. I just want you to be you.
[ Maruki shifts his hand up to the base of Eren's skull and pushes down, making him bow his head. He lifts his own, comes up to press a kiss to his forehead, the stray hairs escaping their bun tickling his face. It's a quick gesture, it doesn't linger, but it isn't without a tremendous amount of affection. ]
Just be. That's enough.
[ He meant it before. He'll always mean it. ]
[ Firm, grounding. The same tone he's used a hundred times before to hold Eren's attention.
Earlier, Eren held him in the rubble and let him cry, the first person in Somnius to do so. He isn't crying now, but Maruki can easily recognize the heaviness of this moment that would normally call for it. He can be that same stalwart presence. He's done it before. He'll do it as many times as Eren needs, in every reality they meet in. It's an honor, to be so trusted.
Eren scoots an inch closer; Maruki makes up the rest of the distance easily. Rolls close enough for them to curl together as they used to, if Eren eventually allows himself to do so. His voice is calm, measured, filled to the brim with nothing less than complete and total understanding. ]
You don't have to apologize for that. Not to me. I don't expect you to be the same– I don't even want you to be. I just want you to be you.
[ Maruki shifts his hand up to the base of Eren's skull and pushes down, making him bow his head. He lifts his own, comes up to press a kiss to his forehead, the stray hairs escaping their bun tickling his face. It's a quick gesture, it doesn't linger, but it isn't without a tremendous amount of affection. ]
Just be. That's enough.
[ He meant it before. He'll always mean it. ]
That just isn't the way I like to look at things.
And when it comes to my child, I don't care if he grows up to be great.
My son doesn't have to be better than anyone. He's so cute.
I think Eren is special enough already.
For no other reason than that he was born into this world.]
Not to me.
I don't expect you to be the same.
I don't even want you to be.
I just want you to be you.
Just be.
That's enough.]
[Eren's body goes rigid, every muscle tensed.
[Strong arms encircle Maruki and clutch. Fingers dig into shoulderblades.
[Eren yanks Maruki against his chest, hold tighter than a vice grip.
[His body trembles from the effort, eyes wide on the wall behind Maruki. Their faces are pressed together, cheek to cheek, so that Maruki can't see Eren's grief, his gratitude.
[He fails to breathe; it comes out ragged.
Maruki. [A pained growl, aggressive only in its desperation.
[And that's all. The pressure doesn't ease. He won't let go. He can't.]
[Strong arms encircle Maruki and clutch. Fingers dig into shoulderblades.
[Eren yanks Maruki against his chest, hold tighter than a vice grip.
[His body trembles from the effort, eyes wide on the wall behind Maruki. Their faces are pressed together, cheek to cheek, so that Maruki can't see Eren's grief, his gratitude.
[He fails to breathe; it comes out ragged.
Maruki. [A pained growl, aggressive only in its desperation.
[And that's all. The pressure doesn't ease. He won't let go. He can't.]
[ Eren's right. He's the same. This is not the same. The way he clings is vicious, bereaved. It aches, right down into Maruki's bones.
He doesn't try to get Eren to ease up. Doesn't pull away or move much at all. He stays still, steadfast, a port in a storm. Runs his hand up and down Eren's back to soothe what can't be soothed. Tucks his face against Eren's shoulder, closes his eyes, breathes. Tries as best he can to get Eren to match the deep, even rise and fall of his chest.
His best friend is dead.
His best friend is here.
Why would he ever let go? ]
Eren. Just rest a while.
He doesn't try to get Eren to ease up. Doesn't pull away or move much at all. He stays still, steadfast, a port in a storm. Runs his hand up and down Eren's back to soothe what can't be soothed. Tucks his face against Eren's shoulder, closes his eyes, breathes. Tries as best he can to get Eren to match the deep, even rise and fall of his chest.
His best friend is dead.
His best friend is here.
Why would he ever let go? ]
Eren. Just rest a while.
[Eren doesn't cry, but he does let out a cry. It's strangled through gritted teeth - a furious, mournful growl that clambers out of his throat and crawls up the walls of the miniscule bedroom. The breaths that follow come out in clipped bursts, broad chest heaving despite Maruki's modeling. He lets out another shout - low, rageful, but it peters out in an nauseous groan.
[His grip loosens. He curls his body, legs wrapping around Maruki's, head falling to the man's chest.
[He listens to him breathe.
[He listens to him breathe.
[He listens to him breathe.]
[His grip loosens. He curls his body, legs wrapping around Maruki's, head falling to the man's chest.
[He listens to him breathe.
[He listens to him breathe.
[He listens to him breathe.]
[ It continues, as always.
There's a part of Akechi that's more disappointed than he's ever been and one that longs to continue.
He doesn't want someone else to destroy this reality. Wants to rip it apart himself, piece by piece. Unravel the injustice that stole his dream and replaced it with a false wish.]
What a disappointment.
[But that's it. That's all. Eren's back, from war, from death, from an oceans of blood. Everything else is the same. Nothing changed. Akechi stretches his arms out in front of him, glances back at Eren and-]
I'm sure Maruki-san and Aubrey are eager to see you. They're sentimental enough to want a discussion of your time away.
[He isn't. Doesn't. Eren's only value is as a resource to be used.]
But I'll expect you tomorrow, in front of my door, first thing in the morning. I'm sure you could use the exercise after so much time away.
There's a part of Akechi that's more disappointed than he's ever been and one that longs to continue.
He doesn't want someone else to destroy this reality. Wants to rip it apart himself, piece by piece. Unravel the injustice that stole his dream and replaced it with a false wish.]
What a disappointment.
[But that's it. That's all. Eren's back, from war, from death, from an oceans of blood. Everything else is the same. Nothing changed. Akechi stretches his arms out in front of him, glances back at Eren and-]
I'm sure Maruki-san and Aubrey are eager to see you. They're sentimental enough to want a discussion of your time away.
[He isn't. Doesn't. Eren's only value is as a resource to be used.]
But I'll expect you tomorrow, in front of my door, first thing in the morning. I'm sure you could use the exercise after so much time away.
BB wants to know, from the seme-rizz-master himself, what is his type of person? It seems like you can totally bag anyone you want, and BB is just curious what certain people call to you, ya know~♡?
[Oh, no no. He knows he's hot. He's very pleased about it.]
Why are you asking me this? Who I spend my time with or why is none of your business.
We aren't friends.
Why are you asking me this? Who I spend my time with or why is none of your business.
We aren't friends.
lolol we could be if we chat it up more about stupid fun shit like this?
BB just wants to know as one of the hot people here what their type is? You can have anyone you want but you only keep certain treasures for yourself, is it so bad someone who loves information wants to know lolol i mean sorry not sorry ig but im just cunty enough to ask straight up (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)
BB just wants to know as one of the hot people here what their type is? You can have anyone you want but you only keep certain treasures for yourself, is it so bad someone who loves information wants to know lolol i mean sorry not sorry ig but im just cunty enough to ask straight up (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)
I'm not interested in being friends.
If you're asking me why I choose to spend time with the people I spend time with, I can't answer that for you.
[That's not the sort of thing you choose, is it?]
If you're asking me why I choose to spend time with the people I spend time with, I can't answer that for you.
[That's not the sort of thing you choose, is it?]
OKay okay let me guess
You like them - -
[ Anyway, this is her guess work: ]
easily malleable [ Subaru. ]
with half a broken personality so you can warp them how you like [ Maruki. ]
or fully broken so you can bench-press them [ Aubrey! ]
doughy and ready to bake! [ Random one off. ]
invisible so you can do whatever you want to them if no one knows hehe! [ Sorry Jean. ]
a recipe for disaster [ Akechi. ]
(˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵) yeah you like them messy ♡
You like them - -
[ Anyway, this is her guess work: ]
easily malleable [ Subaru. ]
with half a broken personality so you can warp them how you like [ Maruki. ]
or fully broken so you can bench-press them [ Aubrey! ]
doughy and ready to bake! [ Random one off. ]
invisible so you can do whatever you want to them if no one knows hehe! [ Sorry Jean. ]
a recipe for disaster [ Akechi. ]
(˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵) yeah you like them messy ♡
[Well. That certainly manages to get his hackles up. Thank God she didn't actually attach any names.]
Wrong.
I'm not talking about this with you. If you don't have something important to tell me, then turn off your phone and go do something useful.
Wrong.
I'm not talking about this with you. If you don't have something important to tell me, then turn off your phone and go do something useful.
BB's an AI she can multi-task. Do you know what an AI is? 90% of my processing goes to actual useful things like diagnosing the strands of hair I got from Chise to ensure her magic levels don't make her explode. So BB also regularly checks her health levels throughout her time in Somnius. at all times!!
BB is currently devising a way to turn on the network and make it automated outside of his stupid castle. so she is calculating probable methods, but there are too many components and it looks like I will have to wish for items from my home world to make it work again.
She is also redoing the map that she made so that all the apps she has will be updated accordingly.
also shes making another roomBBa bc she wants some for herself
also BB recently ate demi-fiend so I am like going through that fucking database - that is actually 50% of my processing power at this point because there is so much there it made me die a few days ago. god that was horrible
then i have to go through all the malignant data and make sure I don't explode again
BB is doing a lot!! and she is also working on her OTP board so she was bored and wanted to know who else she could match you with
BB is currently devising a way to turn on the network and make it automated outside of his stupid castle. so she is calculating probable methods, but there are too many components and it looks like I will have to wish for items from my home world to make it work again.
She is also redoing the map that she made so that all the apps she has will be updated accordingly.
also shes making another roomBBa bc she wants some for herself
also BB recently ate demi-fiend so I am like going through that fucking database - that is actually 50% of my processing power at this point because there is so much there it made me die a few days ago. god that was horrible
then i have to go through all the malignant data and make sure I don't explode again
BB is doing a lot!! and she is also working on her OTP board so she was bored and wanted to know who else she could match you with
[...
[Alright. So, he stands corrected.
[He fears he'll regret asking immediately, but if she's...putting him on boards...matching him? Technology? God, he's so fucking confused.]
What is an OTP board?
[It won't be normal. He knows it won't be normal.]
[Alright. So, he stands corrected.
[He fears he'll regret asking immediately, but if she's...putting him on boards...matching him? Technology? God, he's so fucking confused.]
What is an OTP board?
[It won't be normal. He knows it won't be normal.]
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