abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[Ah, that too. Aubrey readjusts, eyeing Eren’s legs.]

Better?

[Another nod.

[He approaches her, keeping his fists up; when he reaches her, however, he releases himself from the stance. His hands come up to her wrists.]

Hold.

[He will attempt to gently guide her arms around him - one over his shoulder, one below the opposite armpit, connecting in the back. He ducks down so that his head is near her chest, as if he's about to rush her (or would be with a running start).]

Tight.

[—Slightly awkward, but, she thinks she gets the idea. A headlock, of sorts?

[At the command Aubrey grips him, firm but with no aggression.] Like this? [Hey, he used two words.]

[It's at this point that the restraints of the game fall to the wayside.]

Not a headlock. You'll break someone's neck doing that.

[He reaches up (head still down), and both shifts his body and her arms for a more accurate grip.]

There. Now, take this leg...[He taps her left one on the side of the knee.]

Put it behind my right. Swipe my leg while you pull with the arm hold. You won't take me down while we're still like this, but you'll feel what I'm talking about.

[Someone Aubrey's size taking down someone's Eren size should both look and feel impossible, but with this method? It should feel well within the realm of responsibility - to the point that he squares his feet and locks himself in place in anticipation.]

[Oh, she doesn’t want to break someone’s neck? Not Eren’s, obviously. But if this was serious…

[Never mind that, for now. Eren repositioning her reminds Aubrey faintly of the barracks, being shifted around while he wrapped her bandages… She’s glad the injury hasn’t lingered—and Eren has.]

[Aubrey also thinks there’s no chance in hell she’s taking Eren down, so after a quick nod and a moment to steady herself, she tries to pull down and kick as instructed. There’s more weight to the arms since she doesn’t want to hurt him; 50/50 chance it throws her balance.]

[He'll teach her how to break someone's neck next.

[In order to keep Aubrey from throwing herself off balance, Eren follows the motion of the maneuver just enough to show her what she's going for; the move is never completed, of course. He'll have his arms ready to catch her if she does start to stumble.]

You've got it.

[He's not patronizing her. His voice is steady and encouraging; he means it! She's on the right track.]

When I come at you, try again. Don't hold back. You won't hurt me.

I'll catch you if you slip. Okay?

[It doesn’t particularly feel to Aubrey like she’s got it, but she won’t argue. She likes patient teacherly Eren quite a bit. Idly she wonders if there’s anything from her world that she could teach him....]

All right. If you insist. [There’s a light tease in that, albeit tempered by caution.]

[Next round she kicks him with all she’s got.]

[It's a much more effective attempt. It doesn't quite get him down, but it gets him to budge. In seconds, he's back to where he started, getting ready to charge again. It's partially his fault too; he's anticipating it too much.]

One more. Don't give in.

[The third time isn't quite the charm, but it gets him off his feet. He breaks away from the hold with a small smile on his face.]

One more. I'm down. Give it all you got.

[One more. He rushes her. Her hold is still a bit clumsy, but her kick is impassioned; just like that, and Eren Jaeger is flipped onto his back, meeting the ground with a dull thud that takes his breath away. Once his lungs catch up again, he's laughing, wheezy and rattled. He looks both amused and impressed.

[He does not get up from the ground, opting to stare up at Aubrey instead and search for her reaction.]

See that? [He's still a bit breathless.]

I shouldn't scare you at all now.

[She’s about to insist the second try’s good, for now; but “Don’t give in”? Congrats, competitive spirit unlocked.]

You’re on.

[It’s not every day that Aubrey has full permission to kick someone, let alone that it’s a learning experience. And though attempt #3 isn’t quite there, Eren’s smile is the most invigorating thing in the world.

[Fourth time’s the charm, then? She shoots him a grin in return, readies herself, and—

[Thud.]

[Aubrey goes wide-eyed, nearly jumping back immediately—but before long Eren’s laughing, and she can’t help but join in, to some bewildered degree.]

Wait, that. It worked? I actually did that?!

[When Eren looks up she bends down a bit, reaching a hand out to help him up. She’s about to ask if he’s okay (he’s said as much, but still), but—]

[“Scare”?] You don’t—
[Wait.
[Oh. Yeah, she… kinda said that before, didn’t she…? Stupid ceiling voice.]

[The smile wavers a bit and Aubrey glances aside, but she stays.] I don’t know why it said that. Really, I’m not— Thanks for teaching me, though. [Hasty, but no less true.]

[Honestly, Eren didn't think much about what he was saying until it left his mouth. If it weren't for Aubrey, he might not have thought about the ceiling voice at all; her reaction is a reminder, though.

[It really isn't surprising that she is, sometimes, afraid of him. Eren prefers for people to be at least a little afraid of him, in fact; but only in the way that they can't ever truly know him if that's true. It's the ones who can that really get under his skin.]

I didn't mean anything by it.

[He didn't, and he tries not to dwell on it. He takes her hand.

[At the contact, a memory is shared between them.

[It's brief and relatively innocuous compared to what other memories this world has chosen to share with Aubrey; however, the familiar face might be of some concern. If Eren is upset, he doesn't show it beyond a pair of tight lips. He isn't shaking.

[Still gripping Aubrey's hand, he pulls himself up from off the ground.]

[She holds back an “if you say so.” Easier to just take him at his word.]

[And then, a training session. Banter with Reiner Braun; a swap of roles and a kick in the legs. For all the activity it’s an almost chill moment; there’s certainly some schadenfreude in seeing the big, strong soldier with his ass above his head, and of course the realization towards the end is frustrating, but…

[They’re comrades, at least for this moment. Right? Training, fighting for another day; for more than that.]

[Aubrey’s bewilderment could be mistaken for a continuation of earlier, as she snaps back to the present. Least concerning vision of Reiner by far. Still, might be best to tread around him for now....]

Annie, huh… [Quiet. The lower-stakes option, right?]
[More focused, looking up to Eren curiously:] Did you mean to show me that? Another memory, that is. [She shakes his hand a bit. Y’know.]

[”Annie, huh…” Aubrey is merciful for that. Only ten seconds have passed, and he’s already thought entirely too much about Reiner Braun; fondly, too - a thousand times more dangerous than Eren’s hatred is his fondness.]

No. I didn’t.

It must have been on my mind.

[Aubrey frowns. She is not particularly fond of most of these forced memory blasts, but a pattern might be forming with the most immersive kind…]

Mm. Well, it was just a training session. [Nothing grueling, beyond some physical pain.]

[Curiosity lingers. She sticks with the (hopefully) safer line.] It’s weird that the memory thing happened twice now… It seems so random.

[The timing, at least. Maybe not the people. Armin’s talk of calculations and lessons comes to mind, much as it may be premature to pattern-match with a sample size of 2. But if her hunch is correct, why would Aubrey keep encountering…? Unless....]

[She seems distracted.]

Twice by touch, you mean.

[It seems to Eren like memories have been influencing almost everything they do and everywhere they go. He recalls his childhood home, the shadow mother; the tree in Shiganshina, the music from the market, he and Armin on the screens in Wal-Mart.

[Aubrey's right, though. These more immersive memories are disquieting in their own unique way. And they do seem random...]

What are you thinking about?

[Stalling, somewhat:] When Armin talked about all this being… deliberate, somehow. I’m not saying I believe it [genuinely, she’s not sure], but if that’s true…

[“I won’t talk about this anymore. I w-won’t.”]

[Tread carefully, Aubrey…]

…maybe it’s showing us things we want to avoid? Even if it’s indirect....

[Eren's gaze sharpens. He's not stupid; it doesn't take him long to see what she's getting at. After all, she was there. He can't hide from Aubrey; that's half the reason he wanted to keep her close in the first place (and only in the first place).

[That memory in the barracks ate through her the same way it ate through Eren. She felt what he felt. She was horrified; she should have been.

[Still, he wants to lash out. "What are you trying to say?" Something like that. Something angry, bitter, as dark and deep as his feelings for that man.

[If he could only get that bastard in the same room with him...

[That's how it always feels. Hatred mixed with desperate longing. If only he could see him. If only he could save him. If only he could make him hurt. If only he could be held by him again.

[When Eren speaks, his voice is flat, calm, and dead.

[...it's searching too.]

What would the point of that be?

[To hurt him? To expose him? To humiliate him?

[Is he here too?]

[Eren’s face, the delay, tells her everything before his voice does. Better this, Aubrey supposes, than having the world force her to yell the name. She’d take Eren’s hand in a token effort at comfort, but if it spurs another memory that could surely only escalate, so she keeps back.]

[It occurs to Aubrey she doesn’t like hearing Eren so flat, either. But it’s nothing she’s not used to.

[Besides, it’s a good question. …Isn’t it?]

You know… when I was talking to one of my friends back h—in Faraway [and she watches Eren closely for his reaction, as she cedes some memory the normal way], I told him… that it’s okay to have emotions, and to be patient. That was before [Basil— She glances away, for a moment.] things went wrong, and I second-guessed everything…

But maybe we’re supposed to deal with things here. Not that I’m sure why, either.

["It's okay to have emotions." There was a time when Eren - whether by incapability or lack of concern - wouldn't try to hide his emotions. These days, he'd just as soon have people believe that he doesn't have any at all; once again, hiding them from Aubrey has been an impossibility. How can you hide what you're feeling from someone who can touch you and feel all of it firsthand? The way she yelled his name...

[He can start by keeping his emotions under control for this moment, can't he? He's not so sure...]

There's only one way to deal with that man.

[Eren knows that isn't what she means. Whether Reiner lives or dies, Eren will rot within those feelings forever; maybe even after he's dead. Maybe it would bring about some sort of relief, talking about them. As he considers it, though, all he feels is pain.

[But, now, here, an intriguing sentiment:]

I understand why Reiner did what he did.

[Because he does. He told him as much the last time they met. Reiner Braun and Eren Jaeger are the same...]

But that isn't enough to save him.

[Again Aubrey is reminded of the Eren she used to know (still knows, really, just sees less often): deliberately obtuse. Surely he knows “deal with things” didn’t mean “deal with the guy.” But unlike back then, it’s hard to blame him. The illusion was Bertholdt’s, but “We are the same”…? Bertholdt didn’t even seem to recognize Eren. Maybe he was too focused on Reiner; maybe the Eren who Bertholdt knew was a very different person…]

[There’s a long pause before Aubrey replies.]

From himself?

[Yet again, Eren's gaze sharpens. His eyes go directly to Aubrey's; there seems, behind them, some internal battle.

["From me," he wants to say. From him, from him, from him, because he will be the one bringing that blade down; Reiner Braun will pay for what he's done.

[But the words die in his chest. "We are the same."

[Reiner Braun - Eren's friend, Eren's hero, Eren's--

[On his knees, bowing, begging. "Kill me."

[Eren's voice is meant to sound cold - and it is; it's also tinged with sorrow.]

He passed that point a long time ago.

[It doesn’t—quite—make sense.

[The rifle in his mouth. And yet these emotions, these visions—all too vivid if the man is long dead.

[What keeps him going, then? His mirror?

[Surely whatever it is can’t be found here. Not any more concretely than a rooftop vision.]

[Aubrey is surprised, really, that the answer wasn’t “From me.”

[In what is perhaps another small mercy, she decides not to press it.] We don’t have to talk about him. [Voluntarily, anyway. They both know damn well the world can force it.] But if he comes up again…

[She trails off for a moment. The temptation is there, once more, to take Eren’s hand; she won’t tempt fate, though.
[“Steel yourself” sounds too strong. “Get used to it” sounds impossible.]
I guess… be ready. [As any of them ever can be.]

[At this, Eren hangs his head for a moment, mouth breaking into the smallest of smiles, paired with a short exhale. A scoff? A laugh? Something in between, maybe. But he doesn't look like he's about to start cackling about flattening Liberio again. The look on his face contradicts himself; cold, but warm, empty, but filled to the brim. There's fondness, there's hatred, there's pain, there's a balm.

["Be ready."

[For Reiner Braun? Never.

[And there's only two people in the world who could ever understand.

[Quietly, with that odd laugh still in his voice:]

You think he'll show up? Could be...

[The smile fades.

[Maybe here, in this half-real place, if he could only get a few minutes alone with him...

[...]

Let's hope that doesn't happen.

[The dark edge returning to his voice:]

For his sake.

[At least it’s not a startling, barking “laugh” again. The odd sensation of navigating landmines lingers. It’s what she gets for trying to be tactful, Aubrey supposes.]

[Dare she mention Bertholdt? Dare she not? Another traitor, too close to the source. Aubrey doesn’t like this conversation.

[She doesn’t like feeling uneasy around Eren, again. It’s not that he’d hurt her, she knows that…

[—Reiner’s not her responsibility.]

Right. [Aubrey exhales with a short huff; it’s not much of a laugh.] It’s… simpler if it’s just us. And Armin. [Not an intentional afterthought. He’s added complications in his own right, is the thing—but he and Eren can work past those, right?] No one else.

[At this, an unwelcome spark in Eren's memory.

[Basil. Aubrey can never know.

[It's time to put this topic to rest.]

Agreed.

Let's continue the game.

[Oh, thank god.]

[Visibly relaxing, Aubrey nods and points to Eren.] First. [His turn; or the word, if he prefers.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

you can tell I'm in my feelings

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

icons that will jump scare you considering the context

love that

no subject

no subject