abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[It's not like he should be upset about that - and he's not - it's just...a strange thing to swallow, somehow. He wonders how honest her answers really are, but he won't push it.]

Seven.

[Pause. He considers pushing it; however, "What do you like about them?" is an answer they will end up going over anyway, so...]

Take it as a compliment.

Hey, it’s on the upside. I’ll take it. [She’s surprised by his rating, too, actually. Really? After how many meltdowns?]

[Aubrey also notices he didn’t bring up the next one. Alright.] So uh, “would you date me.” [She considers the turn order for a bit, and decides she’ll take initiative here, too.] I said yeah, but like… does that matter, here?

No offense. [Pushing her hair back with the pen, casual little movement.] I wouldn’t know you in any other circumstance, is all.

[At this, Eren cocks an eyebrow. Some offense taken, clearly, but to his credit, he keeps his cool.]

We see that differently, I guess.

In fact, I assumed we already were.

[Because what is asking someone out?]

Might as well. We are here.

[Does he feel as casual as he sounds, or is he sounding casual on purpose? Hm.]

[—Ah. See, she skipped the #1 reason for that answer, which was in fact “we already are.” But Aubrey has kept her face decidedly not red so far, and wanted to keep that up. Sucks to see it stung Eren, though; shit, how does one backtrack on that…]

That too. [Hm. That does not help, does it?] I mean, like— Look, we already held hands and all that. [Kissed, danced…] That’s practically dating. So I figured it was a given, y’know?

[Task “do not blush during this conversation” failed, right at the “all that.” Worth it if it’s at all a balm, though.]

“Held hands.” [The finger quotes are only implied.]

Come here and kiss me.

[It’s not a real demand. He just likes the blush on her face. If anything, he’s teasing her, even if his overall tone doesn’t shift too dramatically. The request is by no means aggressive.

[He holds out his hand.]

Come on.

[As if they didn’t just get done doing a whole lot of that.]

[All right. Caught her being soft.]

[With a small huff but no real reluctance, Aubrey clips the pen, takes Eren’s hand (she is so very glad he has one), and pecks him on the cheek. She is also (very obviously, teasingly) trying to peep the rest of his survey.]

[Of course she'd only relent enough to kiss him on the cheek--

[Ah. A nefarious and ulterior motive. He simply lays his hand over her eyes, moving the clipboard away with a frown (it's funny, though - he's not at all bothered, even if he legally has to look that way).]

Very funny. Mind your business.

[Noo, caught again! Aubrey laughs lightly at her eyes being covered, and surrenders with a couple steps back.]

All right, all right. [Staying close, though.] Your turn to go first, though.

[Eren nods, although he wasn't terribly keen on answering this particular question first. It's one he'd want to match her on. He'll look stupid if he lists two or three things and she can only come up with one. Still, she did give his personality an eight, somehow.

[He relies on his paper more for this question than the last three, but it's unclear if he actually needs to, or if it's just a matter of security.]

You're strong-willed. You persevere through bad odds. You're clever and interesting.

[Looking up from the paper.]

Things I like about you.

[Now: please present his gold star.]

Soo, I’m stubborn, but sometimes interesting. [Teasing, of course.] Can’t argue with that.

[“Preserve through bad odds” strikes her as almost weirdly specific. “Bad odds” like what, life-or-death scenarios? But more importantly, oh thank god she doesn’t have to look like a kiss-ass having listed more than one trait.]

[Aubrey’s turn to read from the clipboard.]

You’re loyal. You’re brave. [Echoing his phrasing, why not. Sounds less clipped than she wrote it.] You… are starting to make sense to me, I think. [A glance up for that. Partial tease, again; he’s easier to understand, she thinks, in calmer moments like this.] And…

[Back to the clipboard. She phrased this more sentimentally than she cares to admit. Surely there’ll be no offense taken this round, right?] …you’re strong. I like being close to you.

[Loyal, brave, strong - and knowable? Eren is...surprised at how that makes him feel. For someone who spends as much time as he does feeling like there isn't another soul in the world who understands him ~~(aside from one)~~, it's both...distressing and comforting to hear that Aubrey is, at the very least, trying to.

[Who doesn't want to be known?]

I like being close to you.

[The sentiment is a perfect echo, but it's true. Aubrey makes him feel...quite loved, actually. At least, sometimes she does. But he's not quite ready to (fully) acknowledge that yet.

[This time, with him slightly teasing, in his way:]

I'm surprised you managed to think of more than one thing.

This is eye-opening.

[It's...nice.]

[At the echo, task ‘no blushing’ failed again. Hard not to smile, though.]

Aw, c’mon, really? [About the “eye-opening” thing. She gets that he’s kidding, but…

[“What are you most afraid of?”]

I didn’t even mention that you’re gentle when you want to be. Or that you kiss well. [A quick “:P” with that.]

[Delaying the next round, but it’s nice to bask in this.]

[Task "no blushing" growing rapidly more compromised by the minute. Why is it the gentleness that gets him? It's exposing; certainly something he doesn't show to anyone other than Aubrey (at least, not anymore).

[Nothing in him wants to move to the next question. If something is going to go wrong, it will go wrong there - he's sure of it.

[He reaches out to tuck a finger under her chin. Leaning in for a kiss in 3, 2, 1...

[Assuming the kiss is completed, when he pulls away, he'll say:]

It's only for you.

[The gentleness, the kisses, what have you. Maybe this is his way of saying, "I'm still a bad guy," but, no. He knows that's no mystery. It's as romantic as it sounds, really.]

[Of course the kiss is completed. The finger under her chin is new; she likes that a lot, and lightly pinches Eren’s in turn.]

And mine for you. [The kisses, she means. She’s not exactly sure what happened between Eren and Armin, while she was away, but she thinks Eren’s plenty capable of being gentle with him, too.]

[…Neither of them want to start the last round, huh? Maybe they should’ve done them backwards.]

[In a purely statistical sense, given their history, Eren is more likely to be tender with Armin than he is with anyone; it's easy to forget that from where he stands now. As far as he's concerned, he's completely shattered that trust (of course, it's only him that really feels this way...).

[Alas, the final round must come, lest the universe force them to start spitting insults at each other. He looks at his paper. Idly, he takes one of Aubrey's hands in his, just to keep them connected. She might pull it away once the criticism starts, he knows, but...

[This was a difficult question; that surprised Eren. When they first met, he would have had nothing but negative things to say about Aubrey. She cares too much, her heart is a weakness, she thinks kindness still matters, her friends are her detriment, detriment, detriment; she's naive, she's foolish, she's emotional, she's afraid.

[He couldn't bring himself to write any of those things down. They aren't negatives anymore. When Aubrey isn't that way, she doesn't...feel like Aubrey anymore.]

You go cold.

[The empty, "I love you," echoing in his ears again.]

[He knows it's his fault. He knows he's a hypocrite. He wrote it down anyway.]

You lose yourself. I don't like that.

[He knows how it feels. He knows the intention. He knows...that it preserves and protects, and yet...]

That's what I wrote down.

[Ah… she should’ve bit the bullet and went first as planned.]

[Aubrey keeps his hand, but maybe that’s a mistake, too; “You go cold,” and immediately she stiffens, looks away. It’s grappling at a wall that’s not in sight, right now, and she doesn’t want it to be.

[It’s not like she doesn’t recognize it, hasn’t thought about it. Hell, it was right there with Bertholdt, another unwelcome ghost. She thinks it started when Eren almost bled out, when she had to do something and throw the rest away to save his life; a horrid, twisted inverse of his healer’s softness. It’s just… not easy to turn off. And surely there’s been a pattern to it, if she can stand to revisit it all…

[But that wasn’t really the first time, was it?

[“Who are we talking about, Aubrey? Is it you, or me?”

[Maybe even before that. A deafening splash.]

[It gnaws at her again. So, finally, she speaks.]

I’m sorry.

[She squeezes Eren’s hand. She wishes she could say she doesn’t know why, or that she can’t help it; those don’t feel true. It probably wouldn’t help, anyway.]

[If she wasn’t so goddamn weak…]

I’m really sorry....

[He's not expecting the apology, really. Honestly, he probably wouldn't have said anything at all if it weren't for the game requiring an answer. It surprises him how much that answer seems to affect her. Then again, of course someone like Aubrey would hate the idea of going numb. People used to look at Eren and see nothing but raw passion; Aubrey isn't quite like that, but her spark is still very much there.

[Kindness. Compassion. Eren would still call them useless.

[Still, if that's what keeps Aubrey..."alive", so to speak, then...he doesn't want them to go away. Sometimes he sits and thinks about how he must have broken her beyond repair. It's a memory thick with regret.]

That isn't what I want for you.

[In case that needs to be made clear; it probably does. Of course it does. He's only given the impression of the opposite so far, hasn't he?]

[If it wasn’t for Eren’s hand in hers she might have started spiraling. Even so, it’s hard not to tear up when he speaks again; it’s almost less the words themselves, more that he said anything at all.]

[Aubrey… doesn’t really know what Eren wants from her, at the end of the day. (Has she ever?) Just that, by now, he wants her to stay. That he wants her to kiss him, sometimes even hold him. And of course she’ll do all that and more, because he’s Eren, and she loves him.]

I-I’m sorry… [She chokes on it, this time. Dropping the clipboard, she wipes her eyes with that hand.] God, I just wrote about the dead horse— I shouldn’t have treated you like that. And I know it’s not this easy, but… I wish you didn’t hate yourself. [Her arm stays there, covering part of her face.] I don’t want that for you, either....

[Treated him like that...? He wonders if they're thinking of the same thing. If so, it's remorse he's been waiting for, but...not all that satisfying, considering the way his chest squeezes when he sees that she's crying. He really doesn't like that sight at all...

["I wish you didn't hate yourself." It makes his jaw tighten a little bit. How could he help it? Wouldn't anyone hate themselves for what he's done? Aubrey would. He knows she would...

[It can't be helped. Gently, he takes her face in his hands, thumbs her tears away.

[She can love him in his stead, can't she?]

Do you love me?

[His thumbs on her face are, as ever, a kindness she doesn’t feel she deserves—but Aubrey takes it all the same. She steadies in Eren’s hands.]

O-of course I do. [Aubrey pulls at his wrists, steps closer to him.] I love you. I— I love you so much; I really mean that....

[She’ll seal it with a kiss, on the lips this time, if he allows it.]

[He allows it, he reciprocates it; he kisses her, and it's such an anchor, such a comfort. When he kisses Aubrey, he doesn't think of anyone else but her; it's a fine place to be.

[Even as their lips part, her face is in his hands.

[And she loves him, and it's warm, and she loves him, and it's simple, and she loves him, and it's real, and she really, really means that...

[What does he have to lose in a place like this? Other than Aubrey...]

I love you.

[The word, foreign to his mouth, unmistakable to his heart.

[He loves her the only way he knows how to - completely.

[Not hating himself was never an option, but...if She loves him, then...]

That's enough for now.

[For now, for now - only for now, but now is something he can hold in his hands, thumbing away tears. It's better than a lot of "now"s he's known before.]

[He…

[He what?]

[Aubrey throws her arms around Eren Jaeger and holds him, tight. Her heart explodes—in the best way. Of course he loves her; he’s said it with his gentle touch, his soft lips, the way he’s looked at her—almost always intense, and lately, like she’s his. Just, everything. Everything. It’s better this way.

[Who cares who deserves what. The only thing stopping Aubrey from crying again—not in a bad way, for a change—is his lips on hers, her arms around him, together.]

[“For now”?]

Always. [She laughs, softly and blushing and happy, instead.]

["Always"?

[Aubrey looks different like this; laughing, blushing, happy. Tens are real, actually. He's holding her, and she's all his. He keeps his arms around her, his own heart swelling in that strange, novel sort of way that only Aubrey can provoke.

[~~It felt so different with Him.~~ Don't think about that now.

[This is better. No one could argue that.

["Always." He kisses her and kisses her; seems that might be all he wants to do for the rest of his life, actually, short as it is.

[He realizes, somewhat belatedly, that he's made her happy. He, Eren Jaeger, has brought the person he loves happiness. It feels...profound.

[Aubrey. He pulls away just long enough to look at her face. Aubrey. He'd burn the world down for her. Aubrey.]

I think we might have passed this test.

[The pullback doesn’t bother Aubrey one bit, if it means she gets to look at Eren again. That he’s just as, if not even more, happy… gosh. They really could stay like this forever.

[She won’t risk saying it out loud, this time, but… maybe her face says it for her. Eren’s is telling her everything. Eren, Eren Jaeger… he is her world.]

I think we have.

PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

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