abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[Mikasa raises her head.

[Eren’s widow.]

Aubrey.

[A knife in her chest. The only one who wasn’t there. It’s not news Mikasa has had to share yet. Everyone knows that Eren Jaeger is dead.

[She pushes herself up to stand, and one end of her scarf falls from her shoulder.]

Eren is dead.

I’m sorry.

[Ah. Right to the point, then.]

No… no, he’s here. [Wait. Sounds like denial.] Not breathing; I know what you had to do.

But he’s back in this world.

["Not breathing." Aubrey makes it sound like he's a corpse; of course, he would be. But why would she bother saying so if...

[The pain is unbearable. Mikasa's never felt anything worse. She's excellent at steeling herself, at appearing unbothered - but she can't. Her face contorts with pain, her hand grips her heart.]

What do you mean...?

You've talked to him?

[If it's true, then...It feels like too much to bear. She can't get her hopes up. Not until she knows. Not until she sees him. There are so many illusions in this world.]

Tell me everything, Aubrey.

[She nods. They’ve talked, more than talked. For a moment Aubrey considers sharing it with Mikasa, vivid as anything; but, what, “here, Eren’s reunited with everyone whose name was written on his skin except for you”? Words will be painful enough as-is.]

He was here. Resting. [A glance towards the headstone. As with Armin, Aubrey won’t watch Mikasa’s face as she talks; it’s a little selfish, knowing this can’t be easy to hear, and it’s a concession for privacy. They’re not close enough for her to reach out more than that.] He looked so peaceful…

His heart wasn’t beating, at first. [As it turns out, it stings to recall, too.] And when he woke up, he told me what happened. The eighty percent. That he tried to stop it, but it couldn’t have changed....

[A pause. Mikasa must be familiar with his contradictions. And there’s more, but…]

I’m sorry he made you do it.

[Tried to stop it...? The "couldn't have changed" sounds a lot more like Eren, but, no...The Eren she knew would want to stop it if he could...

[Right?

[Will she ever truly know Eren Jaeger? What the Hell is that supposed to mean...?

["I'm sorry he made you do it." Her expression darkens with grief.]

I had no choice...

[There's a flash of a memory; Eren inside the Titan's mouth, raising his head to look at her - then, in a flash, Mikasa's blade slicing through his neck. She doesn't realize it's been shared.

[But if Eren is here, and he's awake, and his heart...might? Be beating? Then why...?

[She feels like she might cry. 'He doesn't want to see me...?']

When's the last time you saw him?

[It’s so— jarring, that memory, completing a picture that Aubrey didn’t need painted. His expression....

[There’s a delay, her frown tensing as she stares past the grave. So he was beheaded, Mikasa’s reflection in his eyes just before the life in them died. If he was peaceful, in that final moment, was it a relief? a defeat? Was he searching? Did he truly love her, in the end? It’s too much; it’s not enough; Aubrey doesn’t want a second more.]

—Sorry. [Finally, she catches herself; Mikasa’s unspoken words hit too late.] This world, strong memories— wait.

[Aubrey reaches, lightly, but she doesn’t need to make contact for the answer to take hold:

[“Do you… want to see her?”
[“More than anything…”
[The reply is lost in a flurry of birds, soaring, free. And that’s all.]

…It hasn’t been long.

Edited (verbal answer) 2023-11-14 21:28 (UTC)

[Finally, tears brim in Mikasa's eyes. "More than anything." More than anything? Words that he might never say to his face. But, if that's true...]

Then...why?

[As with the memory, a cry overhead. Mikasa looks up to another flock of seabirds; not as many, not as loud. One in particular swoops down low between the two women, circling their heads and then taking to the sky again.

[Once it's gone, she hears him - it could only be him - from behind her.]

Mikasa...

[His voice is as reverent as the day of he and Aubrey's wedding ceremony. Mikasa turns toward him. She's there.

[Their steps bring them together in almost perfect unison - not the rushing, desperate, stumbling run that he and Armin shared. It's quiet. Only the birds above them fill the silence.

[One hand reaches up, the knuckles brushing over her cheek. Then, he takes the loose end of her scarf and wraps it back over her shoulder.]

[She feels like she could fall to her knees, but she doesn't. Eren is here. He's touching her face with softness she has so rarely know. He's wrapping her scarf. He's keeping his promise.

[She doesn't speak, even as tears begin to overflow in her eyes, stream down her cheek. She takes his face in both her hands, thumbs stroking lightly at the skin she finds. Her heart beats wildly. Is his beating at all?

[She couldn't care less about that.

[Warmth radiates from the couple - real warmth, that branches out like the tree they're standing under, reaching for whatever it can touch.

[How did she make it to Heaven...?]

[And there he is. About time, Aubrey thinks; it’s affectionate. The way Eren says Mikasa’s name, her hands on his face, his promise kept… Their warmth reminds Aubrey of the barracks, of every time Eren’s wrapped his arms around her, when there was no doubt he was breathing and his heart was beating.

[It occurs to her, again, that maybe she should be bothered by this. And yet, again, she’s not. She swore herself to Eren’s peace; and his peace, it seems, is the people he loves. Every one of them, in their own way, and no less devoted.]

[He should have this, she thinks. Mikasa needs this. The scarf is theirs.]

[Without fully realizing it, Aubrey takes a step back.]

[It's hard to be aware of anything but her. It's something that Eren has known his entire life; he and Mikasa, together. It's something he's longed for - something that teenaged stubbornness and childlike prejudice has kept from him. It's something he used to wonder about endlessly; Mikasa's love, and whether it was meant for him. It's something he's put last, both for fear of loss, and the sort of certainty that forces people to take a heart like Mikasa's for granted.

[In his final moments, when all was lost, pre-determined fate having robbed them all of a happy ending, he lifted his head, and he laid his eyes on her.

[It was a beautiful way to die.]

Thank you.

[It's only a whisper, as he leans forward and presses his lips to her forehead, reaching up to thumb away warm tears.]

[She closes her eyes, and they're back at their cabin, runaways from a cruel world with nothing left but each other.

[The memory - a memory of a false reality, one that Eren created only for her - plays.

[It isn't Aubrey's Eren. And it isn't Mikasa's either. It's a pretty thing; an illusion.]

This is better...

[The cruel Eren, and the stubborn Eren, and the stupid, selfish, childish Eren. The real Eren - here, with her, with both of them, with all of them. She falls into his chest, and he wraps his arms around her, slowly swaying.]

[Strong memories… even false ones, then. Fantasies?

[Aubrey’s still not sure what Eren meant, about trying to prevent an inevitability… but however that reality happened, it didn’t in the world they’ve been left with. And it’s not the one they stand in now, Mikasa’s scarf wrapped snugly back around her.

[Eren chose her, in that end. Only her; not even Armin. Now, he’s thumbing her tears, swaying with her. As if, had the circumstances allowed, he really would have lived with her like that for the rest of their years. They can do that here.

[Aubrey stays back, stays quiet. She thumbs at her ring. She feels like an intruder. That’s all.]

[Aubrey isn't an intruder; in fact, an integral part of all this. She found Mikasa, and Eren found her. The same way that Mikasa will follow him anywhere, he'll follow Aubrey.

[It matters that she's here. He wants her here. He wants all of them, here with him, forever.

[He doesn't deserve it, and it doesn't matter. Because it's happening anyway. The two women he loves more than anything in the world are right beside him, just as they should be. And he longs for both of them.

[He and Mikasa have their time, make their peace; hushed conversations without much to say. There are several points at which it looks like they might kiss, but they don't. Eren turns toward Aubrey, at perfect peace.

[He thinks she's more beautiful than he's ever seen her.]

You did it.

[God itself could not pry Mikasa away from Eren Jaeger right now, but when he turns, she does also; recalling Aubrey, her face flushes pink, and she averts her eyes, dropping one of her hands from his face.

[Eren's a married man now...]

Did what...?

[With a nudge:]

Found you. Like she said she would.

[Aubrey feels a bit like she should tell Mikasa it’s fine, no need to drop her hand, or hold back on those kisses they both seem to want. But Aubrey’s own face warms at the attention, and… selfishly, she’s a little glad that Mikasa noticed.

[So for once, she won’t deflect.] I did.

I told him I’d find him peace… and his peace is the people he loves.

[Like you. It reaches both of them. He means for it to.

[He keeps an arm around Mikasa. Even as she drops her hands, she keeps an arm around him too. It would be cruel to let go of each other now. Still, Eren's other arm wants for Aubrey. Something gives him pause though; the very young sensation of "women can be weird" - why did it feel different with Armin? Maybe because they're close too.]

Thanks for that. [It might sound casual, but it's only for how at peace he feels - and it's very sincere.]

[Mikasa's face only grows more pink.

[This is strange, and more than a little painful; after all, she'd always pictured Eren's wedding with a different bride. Still, she has no reason to dislike Aubrey, really, other than petty jealousy - and she's just been through too much to entertain that sort of thing anymore.

[Aside from that, if Aubrey has shown him peace, and if he loves her - well, she saw the ceremony, didn't she? She's not sure she'd ever seen Eren looking so happy.

[She's been able to do what none of them could...]

If that's the case, then...I should thank you too, and...

[Blushing ever harder. She's not equipped for talking to other women, really - especially about things like this. She bows her head just a bit.]

Congratulations. Also.

[The extra blush gives Mikasa away before her words; if Armin saw the wedding, and Eren wanted him to be there.... Reiner must’ve known, too, though he didn’t let on. What a world…]

Thanks. [It feels strange standing back; and it feels strange walking forward, but—well, she doesn’t have to apologize. A tentative approach, to Eren’s other side, and mostly eyeing Mikasa. Not out of any distrust, exactly, just… uncertainty.

[It was different with Armin. Aubrey already knew Armin. Eren didn’t run away with Armin. It’s strange, almost tense, knowing that Mikasa must be hurting infinitely more—and having to remind herself of that, voluntarily. There’s really no need for pettiness....

[Maybe Aubrey just needs to get to know her more.]

Eren wishes you’d been there.

[There's a pleasant relief to Aubrey's approach. Eren is eager to put his arm around her - protective, warm, all his forever. If Mikasa minds, she only shows it in moving maybe a half inch back - Eren pulls her in closer again too.]

Like I said...

It's normal to have guests at that sort of thing.

[Not with the same level of embarrassment he'd shown when she mentioned as much to Armin. Of course, it isn't lost on him that it must hurt Mikasa, but...he made a vow to Aubrey, and he meant it. He's not going to shy away from it now.

[He and Mikasa can have their happiness too, somehow...Aubrey's what's made that possible, at least this time around.]

[Mikasa's grateful to be pulled back in, even for how...mixed up she feels about the whole situation.

[Eren's here. He's alive - or, at least something close. That's what matters more than anything. Back home, they couldn't have had a wedding, or anything like this. It never would have happened. Their runaway reality was only a fantasy in the end.

[But there is a peace to this. It might as well be Heaven, she thinks; he's here, he's here, he's here. And they can be free - closer to free than they ever could have been before.

[She never wants to go back.

[Aside from all that, if she wanted to dwell on her more foolish feelings, it's worth considering that Aubrey isn't really...precluding her from anything. They can be at peace too. Maybe they can even be friends. They probably should be, considering...]

I'm happy for you. [She isn't looking at either of them, but it's sincere.] I wish I could have been there too.

[As they so often do, Aubrey’s doubts and frets melt away in Eren’s arms—well, arm, singular, this time, but it’s her husband’s hold nonetheless. Physical cold pales next to his peace, which is warmer than anything temperature can measure.]

Well… you’re here now. [Offering Mikasa a smile, finally; still unfamiliar, but soft.]

[And, to either:] How do you guys… usually celebrate, anyway?

[Quite simply:]

You remember that dance, right?

Things like that. Drinks too.

[Usually not food - certainly not a wedding cake or anything like that. Rations were always scarce, even before the walls were compromised; after that, people were starving. Celebrations had to be what people made of them.]

Drinks, huh…

[Aubrey’s not sure she wants to find out what kind of drunk she is today. Or ever, really.]

You know— how about a dance for three?

PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

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1/3 here we goooo

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2/2 curse me not having any blushing mikasa icons

the girls (eren-inclusive) are blushiiinnng… icons be darned

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