PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[abandonhumanity]

I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine
and rage the likes of which you would not believe.
If I cannot satisfy the one,
I will indulge the other.

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[abandonhumanity]

[Still drunk, Eren looks confused for half a second, like her sentence doesn't make sense; of course, reality catches up with him only a moment later. Still, it's nothing he wouldn't have her know, just...something he was perhaps a bit reluctant to say out loud.

[Eren's not a shy person by any means, but the sentiment is exposing; a concession. Here or home, his love will not change. There are plenty of other things that wouldn't change either - he still abides by that. But it doesn't make it any less true.]

It's the truth.

[headhooligan]

…Right.

[A pause, tentative. This world is teaching Aubrey to speak before it can speak for her. Not without reluctance, but…] Where… would you be going?

[A betrayal, nonetheless: You know I don’t want to lose you.]

[She leans closer; not quite aware, not expecting otherwise. Maybe it’s “You are mine” that she should be concerned about—but how can she be, when there’s a hand-shaped warmth over her heart? Of course she’s his. They’re each others’.]

[abandonhumanity]

["You know I don't want to lose you." His mind is still foggy. Without thinking about what she did or didn't intend to say out loud, he simply responds.]

I know.

I don't either.

[Of course he doesn't, and the alcohol running through his system still beckons honesty.

[Surely she doesn't need to be reminded again of what he is. He doesn't want to go back to that conversation. Not tonight. Not their wedding night. He can allow them this peace a little longer, can't he? He says what he thinks before the universe can - he tries.]

It's a promise, Aubrey. Wherever I go. Whatever that might mean.

["Here, or home, or anywhere. My oath will endure under any circumstance."]

[headhooligan]

I don’t want you to go.

[It’s not about the oath. It’s about you leaving.]

[abandonhumanity]

I know that.

[A light but familiar impatience. His head is starting to swim again.]

I haven’t left.

[headhooligan]

[Then stop talking like you w]Never mind.

[A pause.
[Quiet, mercifully.]

[Aubrey’s smile has faded by now. She leans her head on her husband’s chest.]

Just… ignore that, for now.

You’re drunk. Let’s just… rest.

[Or my stupid insecurity is going to ruin this.]

[abandonhumanity]

No. [Eren's voice is soft but stubborn.]

We can't ruin this. [It's still sacred. It's still true. It's still right. The vows can't be taken back - won't be. And they are still each other's.

[His arms come to wrap protectively around Aubrey once again, her head to his chest, just how it's meant to be.]

["Happiness. That's what I felt. How long has it been?"]

Enough of that, then.

[headhooligan]

I want you to be happy.

[With her own hands out of his hold—colder, now, every time—they reach around his back. She feels small.]

I want to make you happy.

[‘So you won’t leave. Ever.’]

That’s all.

[abandonhumanity]

[A bitter, self-loathing thought: "You wouldn't be the first one."

[What he says, however, is just as honest. Somehow, some leftover reverence still cradles his words.]

You're the only thing left that can.

[headhooligan]

[She knows she’s not the first—but Eren didn’t marry any of them, did he? It’s a bittersweet thought, still. Yet that, and the lingering reverence, satiate the beast.]

[Of course he couldn’t go anywhere. Aubrey’s the only one who can tell him to stop, stay—to heal at her side.]

[If he’s happy, and even if that makes her a “thing,” well…]

Good. [A hushed, almost-reverent whisper. She clings to him.] I will.

[“I’d give my life to try.”]

[abandonhumanity]

[He holds her.

["I don't want anyone giving their life for me."]

[headhooligan]

I would’ve said “devote.”

[Does that really make it better?]

Eren…

What do you want?

[abandonhumanity]

[He looks at her. At last, the drunkenness seems to be fading.

[It's an easy answer, isn't it? It's always been the same - ever since the day he was born.]

Freedom.

[For me. For you. For Armin and Mikasa. For every Paradis Eldian. For everyone I love.

[All I've ever wanted is freedom.]

[headhooligan]

[That’s…

[Well.

[What else was she expecting, really?]

[Aubrey closes her eyes. She wonders if a hand has stayed on Eren’s heart, too, or if a different name has left it marred, or something else entirely. Their vows match from ring to arm. Surely it’s always gone further… right…?]

[What she wants to say is, ‘Okay.’ Eren almost makes it sound that way.

[Instead: Let’s just… enjoy this. As if there can ever be a “just,” with them.

[Please.]

[abandonhumanity]

[Eren takes in a deep breath, forcing himself to relax the tension in his shoulders.

[Let's just enjoy this, then.

[He's actually allowed to here.

[He leans forward, kissing the top of her pink head.]

Always, Aubrey Jaeger.

[headhooligan]

[“Aubrey Jaeger,” again… It’s as close as she can get, for now, to this softness making the rest melt away.

[Close. Not enough.]

[Still, Aubrey Jaeger pulls back just enough to lean up, kiss back, and then sinks into Eren’s arms again. Why is she so tired....]

Always, Eren Jaeger.

Always.