abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[She takes his hand. And if he’ll let her, Aubrey will, slowly, raise her arms around Eren—and hold him.]

[Not harsh. Not sudden. But, gradually and not at all the less, tight.]

[Holding him must feel like a thousand spines sticking in her skin. It must feel like trying to muzzle a rabid dog. It must feel the way her left side looked, marred by his name. It must feel as terrible, and miserable, and hopeless, and overwhelming as that sick memory - how it feels to love Eren Jaeger.

[He wants to pull away, but he doesn't; he can't, whether by some force of this universe, or...by some other force entirely.

[All at once, he feels drunk. It's not good timing; he shouldn't have chugged those drinks. He's not used to it. On top of the emotional onslaught, he feels...actually sick. His head is swimming. He closes his eyes and lets his head rest on Aubrey's shoulder. It's a funny-looking position - six foot tall, bent over like that.

[He puts his arms around her. He grips tight.

[If I had to venture a guess, I'd say that Eren's shown sides of himself to you that he hasn't shown anyone in a long time.

[Reiner's right about that. Trust tethers him to Aubrey.]

I hate him. [As though she needs to be reminded; it's worth mentioning that, for all the hate Eren has shown Aubrey, this really sounds nothing like it at all.]

I don't want his help. [His help. A covert concession - one even he doesn't realize he's made.]

[Eren is warm. Holding him feels like being smothered by a body in a barracks; necessary, consumed, everything. It’s being so viscerally engulfed by the person keeping her alive that her soul will never recover. His head on her shoulder—his head! on her shoulder!—is the cry of a broken 9-year-old; his grip around her is a barrage of kisses, empty and wicked and cherished and beautiful; and she holds him back, firm as pressure on a wound, gentle all the same, close.]

[This—this—is what it’s like to love Eren Jaeger.]

[“I hate him.” And he does love him.]
[“I don’t want his help.” And so…]

[Eren could collapse here and now; Aubrey would go down with him, and not let go, never for a second.]

[She holds him.]

[She holds him. In that moment, she loves him more than anything, and she knows exactly why.]

[She holds him.]

[He's held.]

Why?

[His voice is weak. His head is spinning.]

Why do you do this to yourself?

[He knows, doesn’t he?]

[Aubrey’s voice is light. Yet she’s never felt more certain.]

I love you.

Why?

Because I want to understand you.

You saved me, Eren… and I want to save you, too.

Because you’re human.

I'm not. [His face is still buried in her shoulder. He feels like he might cry.]

I'm not.

You are.

I’ve seen you, Eren. You can’t take that back.

[She doesn’t let go. But she does shift, slightly, as if to look at him; to invite him to lock her gaze, and let her hold his face, so he knows.]

Neither can I.

[Aubrey and Eren know each other. When she moves with an intention, he follows through with a response; then, his face is in her hands, and her warm eyes are locked with his. And he doesn't hate her. Not at all. Not ever. Not in a million years.

[She's beautiful. It makes him feel all the more monstrous. The people back home would marvel at Aubrey's ability to tame a beast...

[His head remains heavy and warm, like his skull is full of hot water, sloshing back and forth as he tries to focus on the words coming out of his mouth; it's hard to focus on anything other than his wife.]

How did you do this to me...?

[It’s not until Eren finally looks at her, head warm and heavy in her hands, that Aubrey realizes just how much the drinks have gotten to him. It’s sad. It’s a little cute. It’s a bit like waking up next to him, wind outside the barracks long forgotten, and finally thinking, I could study his face forever.]

[She can’t help but smile. Sure, it’s bittersweet; maybe that’s how things always will be between them, dancing and spiraling, finding a thousand new ways to hurt each other. But… they can love each other, too. Never “just”… but they can.]

I don’t know. [Finally, an answer. Eren’s eyes are a storm, drunk and searching. Nothing they can’t weather… or at least, Aubrey will keep him until they can.]

I really don’t know. [Why her; and not Mikasa or Armin or Reiner. But here they are. What’s done is done. And she meant what she said.] I wouldn’t want it any different.

[She kisses him, softly.]

[She kisses him. His eyes fall closed. It feels like it lasts forever - maybe due to the alcohol, maybe due to the way gravity increases every time Aubrey touches him. He pulls her in closer, even once the kiss has ended, straightening so he can hold her head to his chest. It's right where she belongs - with him, safe, warm, Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey.]

I don't either.

[Back home, drunkards call alcohol a truth serum. Eren doesn't realize in the moment how true that must be. He has no wall left to break down - not at this moment.]

I don't want anything else.

[Is it true? It feels true. Right now it feels true. If he were sober, he'd wish it could stay that way; drunk, he doesn't see why it wouldn't. Home is far away.]

[He… doesn’t?

[It’s a victory and a death. Aubrey tries not to take it to heart, because he’s drunk; but it’s impossible not to, because when they’re like this, she can feel the words in his chest. When they’re like this, it’s all she wants, too.]

[They don’t have to want anything but each other. They couldn’t go back if they tried, if they wanted to. It’s an easy fantasy. God, she wants to believe it again.]

Eren…

[Let’s go home, she wants to say. But the world was cruel when last she asked that of him, and somehow she doesn’t feel steady either; so Aubrey lets that trail away, holds Eren tighter, and thinks of the barracks.

[That’s the home they have, now.]

[Aubrey's practice has been paying off; that, or the familiarity and comfort of the barracks has gotten to such a point that they really can find it just as if it were home. Eren knows first hand that a home isn't an easy thing to forget.

[It happens as it usually does. Eren closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, he and Aubrey, still embracing, are in their makeshift sanctuary - the empty beds, the pillow fort in the center, that bit of chill that never quite faded, but only cools his warm skin now (made warmer by the alcohol - the cool air is a relief).

[They aren't alone.

[In the center of the pillow fort, two shadows kneel, facing each other. They don't resemble Aubrey and Eren, but there is one man and one woman. Surrounding them are half-melted candles, flickering with illusory flames. The shadows' hands are clasped together - unlike the others, they have at least one feature to their faces - a smile, warm and loving.

[Eren recognizes the scene immediately. He takes Aubrey's hand, eyes on the shadows. He kneels where he's standing, gently tugging at Aubrey to follow.]

Face me...

[There’s a flash of worry, seeing the shadows; again? Can’t they be alone for— wait.]

[Oh.]

[Aubrey kneels, on one knee in a subconscious recognition. It might not be a perfect mirror, but she’s too busy watching Eren in the flickering candlelight, as he guides her into this new dance. She hardly notices the chill.

[Her face isn’t a perfect mirror, either. Warm and loving, yes—and stunned and overwhelmed, and for once—for once!—it’s not a bad thing. It’s seeing him like he just came back from war.]

[“Always,” she mouths.]

[Eren nods, an agreement. But they aren't supposed to talk yet. He puts one finger to his mouth, gently hushing her. He doesn't have to watch the shadows to know what comes next, but Aubrey might. The male shadow takes his hand and places it over the female's heart; the woman does the same on the man's heart. They old their hands there, still facing each other.

[Waiting until he meets Aubrey's gaze, Eren reaches forward to mirror the action, trusting Aubrey will do the same.

[Around them, their own ring of candles appears, the flames warm and orange and real. Eren bows his head. The male shadow does too, the female copying until their foreheads are touching. After a few long moments, they lean back up again, keeping their hands on each other's chests. Eren straightens as well.]

[Aubrey can’t resist; very briefly, when Eren shushes her, she offers a teasing ‘:P’. But otherwise, she maintains the echo; a hand over Eren’s heart, foreheads touched, straightening but never letting go. Her heart hasn’t stopped thudding.]

[The teasing is charming, and Eren smiles, but it's small - it's reverent is what it is. This is a sacred moment. But Aubrey seems to understand that.

[A voice, whispered in both of their ears: "Repeat after me."

[Eren speaks first, his voice low, calm, and as reverent as his expression. It must be an odd thing to hear, to see.]

Behold my oath that I will take no one as my wife except you.

[The voice whispers in Aubrey's ear now: "Behold my oath that I will take no one as my husband except you."]

[Gosh. This is really happening. Aubrey thinks she could cry. It’s better than any fairy tale—Eren, reverent.]

[Nonetheless, her voice is steady. It’s the surest thing she’s ever said.]
Behold my oath… that I will take no one as my husband except you.

[With those last two words, she holds his hand just a bit tighter. Can’t help that, either. No less reverent.]

[Eren squeezes her hand, another soft acknowledgement within a ceremony where every word spoken out loud must be said just so.

[The voice whispers, but he already knows the next line.]

I, Eren Jaeger, pledge to thee...[There's a bit of a pause here. One corner of his mouth tugs just barely at a smile.], Aubrey Jaeger, my love, my sword, and my service, from this day forth.

[Now, in Aubrey's ear: "I, Aubrey Jaeger, with nothing more to give than my heart, do pledge to thee, Eren Jaeger, my unwavering love."]

[Aubrey Jaeger.]

[She is immediately and entirely enamored by Aubrey Jaeger, on Eren’s lips.]

I… Aubrey Jaeger… [Her eyes gleam.] …with nothing more to give than my heart, do pledge to thee, Eren Jaeger… my unwavering love.

Today, Aubrey Jaeger, I join the thread of my life with yours.

[The whispers beckon repetition.

[And then, they instruct both husband and wife to kiss.]

Today, Eren Jaeger, I join the thread of my life with yours.

[The shadows don’t need to whisper twice.]

[Eren kisses her, orange flames casting dancing shadows on the walls all around them. The apparations in the fort are gone; it's only them, united in a ceremony so sacred that even Eren Jaeger respects its value.

[Nothing could take back the first vow they made, with its scars and its hatred and its clawing desperation. But this vow is just as strong in its convictions. It's a promise, ironclad and indestructible. Eren devotes himself to it.

[When the kiss parts, Eren removes his palm from Aubrey's chest. When she lowers hers, he'll take bother her hands in his - warm, soft, thumb gently running circles over her palm.

[He smiles.]

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1/4

2/4 (not there, but a witness all the same)