Eren Jaeger (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
abandonhumanity) wrote2023-09-26 12:38 pm
abandonhumanity) wrote2023-09-26 12:38 pm
PSL / MEME CONTINUATION
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine
and rage the likes of which you would not believe.
If I cannot satisfy the one,
I will indulge the other.
no subject
[Ah… there’s no way this could’ve gone well, no matter when, is there? Aubrey’s heart twists. She should’ve bit the bullet before they’d so much as thought about reconciling.
[There’s a temptation to just take his yelling, at least until guilt freezes over or warps into something else, whatever happens. But Mikasa— Just seeing her hand by the blade is a second, sharper jolt.]
Reiner. I-it’s Reiner— I’m sorry; [back to Eren, entirely; Aubrey’s hands, rigid, can’t decide whether to clench tight or raise in surrender;] I know how you are with him—
[She cuts herself off. Bad phrasing. Bad phrasing. But true.]
1/2
[Then, this, perhaps unexpected, his voice a wounded hiss.]
I trusted you.
[And he should have known better. Where has trusting anyone ever gotten him?]
2/3
[Life stops making sense again. Her brain says that Reiner is safe; then it reminds her that his goal is very much to hurt Eren - maybe only if necessary, but even so.
[Still...He cares about Eren too. He's made that much clear. It's not enough, maybe. It's not enough for any of them. But calling him an enemy--
[Who the hell knows who the enemy is anymore? She feels sick...]
Eren...
3/3
no subject
“Trusted”—? W-wait, I didn’t lie to you—!
[They stood in that mirrored room for how long? They’ve had all the opportunity in the world for this, haven’t they? Aubrey feels sick—and yet.
[With Mikasa off defense, she leaves Aubrey’s awareness entirely.]
This is— This is exactly what I wanted to avoid, that’s what I know. [A tug at her fingers, a threat to curl in.] “We are the same.” Remember?
buckle up 1/3 (work may prolong the suspense)
["We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same." "We are the same."]
2/3 we're getting there we're climbing the mountain together
[Always just out of arms' reach until they're wrapped around each other, fighting for their lives, for the other's death.]
3/3 CW descriptions of breaking bones
[It's the cry of a beast. Tight metal cuffs encircle Eren's wrists, fat chains tethering him steadfast to the ground. Back when they were in that shop, watching memories play out like theater, he didn't strain or writhe.
[That is not the case now. It's a wretched sight, every muscle straining against Eren's bare skin. The black ink from the tattoo on his chest spreads like a disease, slowly overtaking the other names. The veins in his arms and neck bloat and pulse against his skin. His teeth are squeaking from the pressure of his bite, threatening to crack. Spit and foam seeps from his mouth as he growls and strains.
[Worst of all, his wrists pull against the cuffs with every ounce of strength that Eren's body possesses. Next, the sounds of bones snapping - his wrists, then his thumbs. He roars as the silhouette in front of him moves further away, fading into the light of the Coordinate. His hands continue to crackle as tiny bones shatter one after the other. He isn't letting up.
[Mikasa is crying out to him, but he doesn't hear her. He wouldn't care if he did.]
no subject
[Useless; less than useless. Aubrey might be yelling for him, too; impossible to hear over Mikasa, over Eren, over her own thundrous heartbeat.]
[He’s mauling himself like this. And for what?]
[A flash: If he gets to Reiner, they’ll lose him for good.]
[Aubrey throws her arms around him.]
Eren.
[She jerks back, with all her weight; she knows damn well it’s an annoyance at best, if he’s bent enough. His name on her burns, the mark exploding like lightning across her body. She tries to lock her arms around Eren Jaeger; maybe his torso, aiming higher for his neck, where and if ever she can grab hold.]
Stop.
[Still.
Down, boy.]
1/3
Stop. Stop! Let go of me!
[He needs to transform. He needs to escape. He can't do any of that with Aubrey hanging on him. He can feel her warmth on his back, her arms around his neck like another chain.]
Dammit, let go!
[But he does nothing to throw her off.
[It's less that he won't hurt her; it's more that he can't - it would be impossible.]
2/3
3/3
Stop...
[Eren strains again at the chains, but it's less than half-hearted. His voice sounds weak, hoarse.]
Stop...
no subject
[She holds him. The lock on his neck only somewhat softens.]
[They are the same. She should know how much this kills him.
[They’re not the same at all. He’d kill Reiner; he’d break himself to spite his reflection.
[Aubrey can’t allow that. Even if he tried to hurt her, she holds him.]
Easy....
1/3???
[If he could only see his face...In Liberio, they talked. He heard Reiner Braun's familiar voice. Their hearts beat in the same quiet room.
[He wants to hear his voice again.
[He's stopped struggling. His hands are both broken. Pain radiates up both arms. It's enough to make him feel nauseous; still only a man at the end of the day. They'll heal soon enough...]
Bastard.
[It's a final curse. He feels encumbered by grief.]
2/3 gee what's taking pan so long I wonder what he's writing
[He wants to see it. He wants to be there.
["I have to get stronger." Eren Jaeger has tears in his eyes. His breathing is erratic. He's never been prone to panic attacks, and yet, here they are. His hands are tightly gripping Reiner Braun's wrists; Reiner is gently gripping Eren's shoulders.
["You will, Eren. You're doing fine."
["I can't just do fine, I have to...to..." He struggles for words. He still feels like he can't breathe. Reiner's strong hands squeeze at his shoulders, then massage with pressure. It makes Eren close his eyes, head falling forward like it's heavy. Pressing his face into Reiner's chest, the older boy wraps his arms around him.
["I get it." Reiner's voice is gentle. "The pressure is insane. Especially for you." Eren starts to speak, but Reiner kisses the top of his head, and he dissolves.
[His voice is choked with emotion. "I can't just leave it to someone else. I can't. If I can't hack it - if I can't be a Scout, then--" He cuts himself off with a shudder, a would-be-but-not-quite sob. When he speaks again, it's a whimper of words. "My mom...Reiner, I can't - I-I have to."
["I know." It's such a warm voice; deep, strong, grounding. In Eren's memory, he takes a breath; back in the present, his body echoes it perfectly. A slow inhale, a slower exhale.
["If anyone can do it, Eren, it's you." Reiner leans away, tucking a finger under Eren's chin to raise his head. They stare at each other. Admiration flows from Eren - love, pure love. Like the person sitting in front of him is everything all at once. "You're gonna save humanity, huh?" Reiner kisses the tip of his nose. "I know you can."
[A moment of silence. The visual part of the memory ends; their voices are left behind. Eren's, whispering, "Do you really love me?"
[Reiner's, whispering back, "Yeah. I do."]
3/3
[She never knew that they...?
[And Aubrey - the mysterious Aubrey, who threw her arms around Eren Jaeger and told him to stop...and he did.
[She feels...admiration for that. It stings, of course, but...Mikasa's never been able to reign him in. It's good that there's someone who can...
[Her heart breaks in a million little ways.]
Eren...
I'm so sorry...
[The depths of that betrayal; Eren crying about his mother to the man responsible for her death. It's all too much.]
no subject
[All that… and Reiner walked away. For a moment it’s almost as though the emotions were shared once more; how can he just…?! At least face what you’ve made. Coward. Bastard. Aubrey almost can’t believe she commiserated with—
[Almost. Mikasa’s voice reminds her where they are, what’s happening. And ultimately, it’s heartbreak, all the way down.]
[Aubrey doesn’t let go of Eren, but her grip lowers, loosens; a hug, now. A quick squeeze, and then her left arm runs down his, trailing gently until her fingers run around the shackle’s edge. There’s nothing Aubrey can say that Mikasa hasn’t. But maybe, just as Armin did before, these chains too can fall away.]
1/1
[Reiner Braun is gone. The memory is over. Eren's heart is empty.
[He should be humiliated. Maybe part of him still is, or will be later. Right now, he just...wants to sleep. Something like that...He feels drained and cold.
[Is he still angry at Aubrey? He can't tell. He wants to reach up, to latch onto her arms with his hands, to hold on tight; he can't yet.
[He feels Mikasa on his other side, pressing her body against him, laying her head on his shoulder; Aubrey's warmth on one side, hers on the other.
["Do you really love me?"
[His voice comes out soft like a whisper.]
Is there anyone else...?
Anyone?
no subject
[He really destroyed his hands.... Aubrey plants a soft kiss at Eren’s nape, then sits beside him, close. She doesn’t lean, not like Mikasa; she might, soon, but Aubrey feels strangely like she’s been flattened, weary and drained, and she wants to stay steady for just a little longer. Eren needs her more, anyway, she thinks.
[So instead Aubrey clasps Eren’s hand in both of hers. It’s a delicate thing. As if anything too much would break it irreversibly.]
[“Anyone…?”
[Aubrey shakes her head, small.] It’s just us. [A whisper of an answer.
[She hopes it’s enough.]
1/1
[He feels grateful.]
Okay.