abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

You say that, but you don't actually want to talk about it, do you?

Yeah. I do get it.

[She's right there. He feels like he should reach out and touch her, but something about the relative peace between them is starting to feel tenuous. Just as Aubrey's noticed, it's a conversation that mirrors older, less pleasant ones; what he's about to say has only ever meant something negative in the past.]

We're the same.

[He doesn't mean it negatively now. It's a matter of connection, a statement of trust. They hold common ground just as much as he and Armin do; it's just different.]

We shouldn't be, maybe. Our worlds are too different. Even so.

[There might be two different names on Eren’s skin to pivot to, but at “we’re the same,” the world starts to offer a different picture. It’s not as obvious as the scenes, however; Aubrey doesn’t notice at first.]

Yeah… But even so, I’m…

[Out the corner of her left eye, a shift in the reflections: her and Eren, looking as they do here, skin scrawled with names—but somehow far more weary. Their mirrored selves make loving, miserable eye contact, and that Eren mouths those damn words again. It’s a memory in third-person.]

[…glad. The continuation dies in Aubrey’s throat.]

Even so.... [A faint echo instead, then.]

[Eren notices Aubrey's demeanor change before he notices their new reflections - miserable, surrounding them.

[Why now? Why now, when they're discussing what they're meant to discuss - and it's difficult, and it's unpleasant, and they're doing it anyway, and they're doing fine.]

Don't pay attention to them, Aubrey.

Look at me.

[He tries to catch her gaze, to lock it in with his own.]

I'm right here.

Guess it was a matter of time, huh?

[Aubrey does look at Eren, the real Eren; still hardly relaxed, but the unease doesn’t feel urgent. Not yet, anyway.

[It’s hard to ignore his neck, though.]

Look… we’re the same, but you shouldn’t be chained to me. [In the periphery, mirror-Eren barks a laugh. Their past selves lock a glare, loathing.] I don’t want that for you.

[I wish it didn’t look like I’m choking you alive.]

[Maybe a kind, supportive, well-adjusted husband would say something like, "I don't feel chained to you!" or "Loving you isn't a prison from which I can never escape!" or something like that.]

It's a little late for that, don't you think? [He holds his left hand up, as if to demonstrate. It drops back to his side.

[To his credit, at the very, very least:]

It's not like I don't want you too. I do.

[Desperately, desperately, desperately--]

I love you.

[The Eren in the reflection mouths: "And I do hate you."]

[Maybe a reasonable, well-adjusted wife would take offense to that first bit. Aubrey doesn’t, at this point. It is too late for them. Their chains have been literal, after all.]

I love you, too. [Even as those mouthed words threaten to stab her all over again. The insistence in Aubrey’s voice is, in non-small part, an attempt to override it.] I do. I just wish it wasn’t so…

[What, complicated? She waves, halfheartedly, at the reflections, drawing nearer to each other, burning. It’s impossible for them to have not been there, to get here.]

This happens every other time. [Nominally, she means the world-screw happening at all.] It doesn’t get easier.

[Eren wants to argue that, half for the sake of arguing at all. He's told Aubrey not to focus on the reflections, but he can't take the advice himself. The dread inside of him is rising. Keep yourself under control.

[He moves to her and takes her hand, lacing their fingers securely together. He tries to meet her eyes again, to get her to look at him and stay looking at him.

[Eren had no way of knowing what contacts were before Aubrey took hers out. It is different now, looking into her eyes. They're a beautiful color. He wants to bury himself in them.]

Nothing gets easier. It doesn't matter.

Keep moving forward.

[It’s easier with their hands together. Aubrey tries to lock their eyes; she doesn’t need to leave his to know her reflection is wrenching away from “him,” mouthing a scream: “Get away from me!”]

We will. [She squeezes his hand. The jacket falls, exposing every corroded inch, as she moves to take Eren’s other hand, too. They have to steel themselves.] What are we moving toward?

[An honest, nearing-desperate question. They have to have a purpose; that’s why the world is reminding them what happens, how they circle and thrash, when they don’t. Right?]

[It's a muddy, dangerous question. How many times has Eren's goal changed since arriving here? How many times has it changed minute to minute, hour to hour? He's told Aubrey that he needs to go home - that that goal is the most important. He's also told her that he wouldn't leave her. He's also told her that he aims to get her home. Their goal is to find the people in charge. Their goal is to learn how to shape the universe until they're the only Gods. Their goal is to break each other into pieces manageable enough to love. Their goal is to be one. Their goal is to never see each other again.

[None of it makes sense - but he can't bear to say, "I don't know."]

Right now, we're just doing what we have to to survive. We're figuring out the next step.

[He dare not look at the reflections. He knows what happens next after Aubrey pushes him away. He's afraid of going back there.

[He squeezes Aubrey's hands.]

We're taking back control.

[‘Control’ isn’t a word Aubrey would have thought to use about… any of this, really. The world doesn’t control them (except when it’s forcing truth from their mouths); they can shape it, sometimes, but they’re playing in a sandbox, not directing it. She’s never felt like Eren controls her—or that she could control him, or that either have much reign over themselves, at the end of the day.]

[But her reflection doesn’t run. The figures meet again, not unlike how Eren and Aubrey stand now—but in chains. Wrist to wrist; neck to neck. And from every angle, they stare; the real Aubrey and Eren at each other, the mirrors at them. Cornered prey.]

[Aubrey liked the shadow-people without faces better.]

[Finally, uncertain in quiet for just a bit too long… she nods, simply.]

We’ll figure it out.

[The faces mirroring Aubrey are furious. Devastated. Insolent. Broken.]

We have to.

[Eren knows very well what it feels like to have eyes on him - always, always, there are eyes on them. But this feels different; the two people who know them better than anyone, staring them down - judging, warning, mourning. Eren's hands squeeze Aubrey's again. His right hand clenches and unclenches around her a few more times after that.]

We should go somewhere else. [His voice is sharp.] We can.

To Shiga-- to the tree.

[That anxious clench around her own hand is new. Aubrey tries to match it; a counter-focus, if nothing else.]

Your tree. Right. [They’ve never tried shifting the scene to the same place, have they? She leans up and kisses Eren, quick and sweet, before closing her eyes in focus.] We can just love each other....

[And take the world back together.]

Our tree.

[Mikasa and Armin's names burn on his skin. He kisses Aubrey, taking her face in his hands. "We can just love each other." It can be that simple. It can stay this safe.

[He's quickly becoming addicted to the feeling of safety. The last time things went badly, he'd felt more than ever like he was dying. He hated that feeling. He wants to run from it; he wants to chase the opposite, chase her, chase this.

[He thinks of Shiganshina. He thinks of their tree - their tree, no...]

[Their tree. He opens his eyes. His hands are still holding Aubrey's face, but he's no longer looking at her. They are indeed at their tree, but the space is already occupied.

[Two little shadows; a girl in a red scarf, and a boy, sitting behind her, trying to tie her hair into a ponytail.]

[The boy, Eren:] "It's too long. I didn't know you were some girly-girl anyway."

[The girl, Mikasa:] "You're the one who asked to play with it."

"I'm trying to get it out of your face so you're not so bad at stuff."

"But you lost three times."

[The shadow Eren tugs at Mikasa's hair. She turns around and socks him in the nose.]

"Hey!"

[The little shadows' heads whip around to face Aubrey and Eren.]

"What are you looking at anyway?"

[If not for the real Eren’s hands on her face, Aubrey might have jumped at the sight of that shadow kid. As-is, she only looks startled, and it could easily be brushed off as a reaction to the kids noticing.]

Mikasa… [A whisper. Shadow-Eren wore a scarf, last she saw him, didn’t he? Whose is it?]

[Aubrey leans closer to Eren, still watching the children. Why are they here…? It’s like she’s staring at ghosts.]

[Eren's voice echoes Aubrey's:]

Mikasa...

[But he isn't looking at the shadow children. His gaze is past the tree, down the familiar hill where, at the bottom, stands--]

Eren!

[At Eren’s echo, Aubrey follows his gaze.]

[Whether Mikasa’s alive or not… she grew up, too.]

[Aubrey freezes like a deer in the headlights]

[Eren's not sure if he should brace himself for a hug, a punch, or something in between, but he's guessing that in less than ten seconds, a Mikasa-shaped projectile of some fashion will be hurtling toward him. He squeezes Aubrey's hand before he drops it, and takes a step in front of her. It's odd how his stance is protective; it's not like he thinks Mikasa will hurt her.]

Calm dow--

[Her arms are around him, gripping desperately - one hand to the back of his skull, the other gripping at the bare skin on his back. The tattoos haven't registered yet. She clings to him like he'll turn into dust the second she lets go.

[Eren's frozen, rigid beneath her touch. Since when? He doesn't put his arms around her.

[She lets go. It doesn't matter. What matters--]

Are you alright? What happened to you - what is this all over you?

Where have you been? Are you hurt?

I'm fine. Don't be stupid.

[His words are cruel, but they're half-hearted - by far not the worst thing he's ever said to her. To Mikasa, it probably just sounds like they're kids again; who knows? Her expression worries at Eren, though. For all he knows, she's here freshly from ~~Hell~~ home and hasn't the slightest clue what's going on. Great...]

You're being rude.

[He nods toward Aubrey, taking her hand again. No use trying to beat around the goddamn bush. His name is mangling the girl's body. They have wedding rings carved into their goddamn arteries. Mikasa isn't stupid.

[Eren glances at his wife, nods toward his...Mikasa.]

Mikasa. [Now is not the ideal time to have to define their relationship. Last Mikasa heard, Eren hated her.]

We're family.

[Just like Armin, a hug with barely any hesitation. And Eren’s not… particularly kind to Mikasa, but he wasn’t with Armin, either, and…

[Aubrey feels like she shouldn’t be here right now. “Family,” he says—and yet, his collarbone.]

A…Aubrey. [It’s impossible to smile, but she can try not to be horrendously rude—much as she watches Mikasa, blank and stupid, as if expecting the worst. Aubrey would try to hide her left hand if Eren wasn’t holding it. Despite everything they said about Armin, she feels like she’s been caught somehow.] —Hey.

[Eren is almost irritated that Aubrey's so nervous. The "there's nothing going on between me and Mikasa" impulse feels overwhelming - maybe because part of Eren has always thought there should be something going on between he and Mikasa, but here they are, and there isn't.

[He's annoyed that she's here; less apt to acknowledge the overwhelming relief he feels.

[They're meant to be together like this. He wishes he'd put his arms around her for at least a minute when he had the chance.]

She's important to me.

[If he weren't looking at Mikasa, it would be hard to tell who he was talking to/about.]

[Mikasa isn't stupid, and Aubrey - whoever she is - seems extremely nervous about...well, what Mikasa can probably guess. She observes the scar on Eren's left arm - a scar? How? Every inch of Eren's skin should be pristine from his titan regeneration abilities. And yet...

[And then, this girl, Eren's name marring her like a burn. Mikasa might be being rude like Eren says, but these certainly don't look like normal circumstances.]

What's going on?

Your tattoos. [She gestures to them, expression critical and searching.

[Her name on his collar bone, Armin's on his arms - Reiner Braun...? The way it pierces Eren looks painful like a wound. It leaves a chill on Mikasa's spine. And then, Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey - a thousand tiny "Aubreys", but what is that wrapping around his throat?

[Her glare sharpens.]

What did you get yourselves into? [She isn't just talking to Eren.]

[Mikasa’s tattoo-scanover, very much including that left-hand trail, is not lost on Aubrey. Neither is the subsequent sharpness.]

[Aubrey’s tempted to let Eren do the talking; seems the world wants her to ’fess up first.

[She clears her throat with a halfhearted cough.] A lot. [This is a billion times worse than the reflections.] There’s— Sorry. We’ve been here a long time....

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