Eren Jaeger (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
abandonhumanity) wrote2023-09-26 12:38 pm
abandonhumanity) wrote2023-09-26 12:38 pm
PSL / MEME CONTINUATION
I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine
and rage the likes of which you would not believe.
If I cannot satisfy the one,
I will indulge the other.
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[Shouldn’t have asked.]
Do you… still have it…?
[She sounds ill.]
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No.
I put it in the car with him.
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You stupid bastard.
[Aubrey sits down. She rubs her face. Crosses her arms over it. There’s no waking up from this.]
He was in the car. You put the body, in the car, with the wea— You drove the car with his body in it.
[It’s funny. It’s almost funny. It is impossible to laugh.]
You really thought this through....
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I didn't plan on living this much longer than he did.
[There's a pause.]
I needed to see you again.
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[Shame the finest edge they have is verbal.]
Okay, well. You got your fucking trophy.
[She should really be more careful right now. If his job truly is done, that’s a warning…]
Anything else…?
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Don't-- Don't look at me like I'm a monster - I am not a monster. He was a fucking monster.
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I’m not looking at you, dipshit. [But she does, increasingly, sound mad at him.]
I don’t care who the monster is. I just— I have only ever wanted you to live. [I want you to be mine. Not some cult’s poster child. Not the face on the morning news. Not his, not hers; mine. And despite it all, Aubrey would like to live.
[Yet she still can’t face him. She tells herself it’s because his voice, his steps, agitated, are cue enough.] Why is that so difficult?
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You know how I feel, Bow. Fuck.
Every day I wake up dead. Every day I wake up dead. I'm sick of it. This was supposed to be the end.
[But he needed to see her. He needed to see her.
[Slowly, the pacing stops.]
I always told myself I was living for this day, but it isn't true...
I lived for you, Bow. Even now, I had to see you...
I couldn't do it. I had to see you.
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[It’s not new information. It hasn’t been for too long now. Talking doesn’t help, doesn’t change; same shit, different day. Tonight she learns it was supposed to be the end, and it lights up Aubrey’s brain enough to keep wanting to pull that stupid, swirling lever.]
[Tonight he puts it in words. She thinks she’s never hated him more.]
[He knows she can’t stand hearing him call her ”Bow” like this, right? He knows she’ll have to be dragged away from him kicking and screaming after this, right? No one else can make her lose her mind like this. No one else is going to call her at nigh-4 in the morning to drive away from a body he sunk. No one else is going to make it so repulsively clear that nothing would have changed tonight’s waking nightmare; except, when it mattered most, his plan did change. For her.
[Aubrey was right, she has always been right, and she has never hated herself more.]
Marry me, then. [Finally, she drops her hands. Her face is deathly serious.] Fuck it. If that’s what it takes.
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[It's dark. Eren can just barely make out her face in the moonlight, interrupted by leaves and branches, but he can sense the look on her face, hear the weight of her words. How many times has he been the one saying them? And always at the expense of an explosion. He's weaponized those words. He's meant them - every single time.]
You know I will. [His voice is hushed, but...cautious.
[It doesn't occur to him for even a second that the conversation itself is ridiculous. He'll either be dead or in jail by tomorrow morning. Cleaning up the crime scene and making an escape was never part of the plan, and his DNA is well-entrenched in the criminal justice system by now. He's done for, and Aubrey is an accomplice.
[He doesn't care. Being with her - that's what he cares about.]
Aubrey...
[He takes a step closer to her. He'll flinch if she backs away. He reaches for her.]
Kiss me.
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[He will. But he doesn’t want a future. But he’s always wanted to marry her. But he’s drowned his future whether he wants it or not. But he wants a kiss. And they’re both… so…]
[Aubrey doesn’t back away. It’s hard to believe Eren would last two days in prison, if he makes it that far, wherever Aubrey is. Frankly she doesn’t think she’d make it far, either. But it’s nice to pretend, sometimes. Right?]
[She pulls him in. It can be nice while it lasts. Easy as their lips together, arms around each other. Easy as pretending that carving so deep will do anything but rot the trunk from the inside out. Easy as wanting. Easy as pretending they’re still in stupid, young, uncomplicated love; that they ever were. Easy as closing her eyes and taking him in, shrouded in darkness.]
[Ah, Eren Jaeger....]
I love you, Eren.
Always will.