PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[abandonhumanity]

I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine
and rage the likes of which you would not believe.
If I cannot satisfy the one,
I will indulge the other.

Comments

[abandonhumanity]

[He can’t control the sound that escapes him; something between a whimper and the sound someone makes when they’ve been stabbed.]

Cool. Thanks.

[…]

I wouldn’t ask anyone else.

[To see Carla’s grave? Armin and Mikasa, certainly. To sit there for hours, picking at the grass and talking to a headstone? Aubrey’s eyes only.]

[headhooligan]

[They’ve spent too long at the cemetery. It’ll never be enough.]

…Yeah.
[Unspoken: Likewise.

[Because those strangled, animal sounds? From Aubrey… for Eren’s ears only.
[No one else gets it.]

[ . . . ]

I’ll keep you warm.

[abandonhumanity]

[No one else will ever get it. The only thing that’s kept Eren alive some nights is knowing that if he were gone, Aubrey would have to make those sounds alone.]

You always do…

[It never gets any easier, does it?]

This doesn’t have to be a bad trip.

[headhooligan]

[There’s an immediate, piercing twist in her gut. “Bad trip” leaves a lot to the imagination. Too much. Especially considering how this talk, out loud, started.

[Aubrey can’t make herself say “we’ll see” after what they talked about, though. Not so soon.

[Why does he have to be… so…]

It doesn’t. [Fuck, can she be sweet with him for a whole weekend and then some? Can she afford not to be?]

[Aubrey closes her eyes.] I love you.

Cw hard drugs

[abandonhumanity]

[The first time Aubrey said “I love you” to Eren, chills rippled up his spine, making his toes curl in his shoes, and the hair on his neck stand up straight. It was all anticipation, building to a breaking point. He half-expected it. The thrill he felt left no room for comparison.

[It isn’t like that now. Aubrey’s “I love you” is more like heroin than honey. It’s a desperate, aching, clawing need. It’s “just enough to get well again”. It’s hanging on every word she says in case he might miss it. It’s a cavernous darkness begging for a morsel to be tossed inside. The thrill is all artificial. He starts longing again the second the high is over.]

I love you, Bow.

Forever.

[headhooligan]

[‘Impossible,’ she wants to say, skipping a line. But that’s just it; Eren would sooner die than stop loving Aubrey, or lose her love, and it’s what’s turned his “I love you”s, to her, from a cherished melody to a distorted, broken shriek. It never gets easier to hear; and yet Aubrey prompts it anyway, as if maybe this time, it’ll stab her less.

[She can still hear what it used to be, without the noise; care, intense qnd burning, endless devotion. That never changed. “Forever,” he insists. That’s what kills her.]

[And Aubrey is a horrible enabler.]
Love you forever, Bun. [Y’know, like the hair he started wearing well into his spiral. Like the animals Aubrey loves so much. Like “honey bun,” sweet and disgustingly saccharine and terrible.

[She hasn’t used it in a while.]

We’ll see each other soon, yeah?

[abandonhumanity]

[Mumbled, but he's just barely smiling by the end of it:]

Love you more.

[He loves it when she calls him that. She hasn't in a while now. It makes his back prickle with shivers. His arms feel desperate for her, every inch of his body aching. Soon.]

Yeah, we will. Leaving Thursday.

[headhooligan]

[There’s the cue.] Impossible.

[And he’ll be here… sooner than the weekend. Too soon; not soon enough. Maybe this time, when Aubrey holds Eren, she might never let go; not the first time she’s had that thought, and yet…]

So… you’ll be back Friday? [She can’t keep that stupid, longing hope out of her voice.]

[abandonhumanity]

Technically. It’s only three hours, but I’m starting late. Probably one or two am - something like that.

Feel like waiting up for me? I can arrive Friday morning as far as Mikasa knows.

[headhooligan]

[. . .]

You’re driving?

[She’d half assumed Mikasa would pick him up. Not that Aubrey thinks Eren would be too reckless, when there’s home to look forward to, but....]

To Mikasa’s house?

[abandonhumanity]

[Aubrey’s right to see the driving as a red flag. Eren’s a reckless driver as it is - more so at night, even more so when emotional, and not always sober. A self-destructive personality is especially dangerous when combined with a 2-ton metal projectile traveling at 100mph.

[Aside from that, he hasn’t had a car that actually works in…ever.]

Or to yours. If you want.

Just for the night.

[headhooligan]

[Correction: Eren not being reckless is wishful thinking.]

[Aubrey is mentally scrubbing her calendar on Sunday, Saturday, Friday, and Thursday as they speak.]

She’s not picking you up?

[abandonhumanity]

[With a little impatience in his tone:] No.

I'm taking Yelena's car.

[headhooligan]

“Taking,” right.

[He hasn’t bothered asking for a ride, either, has he?]

Does Mikasa know this?

[abandonhumanity]

What are you on?

Yes, I'm taking - as in borrowing, with permission - Yelena's car. And yeah, Mikasa knows.

[She wasn't too happy about it, but that's beside the point.]

I've been driving since I was fifteen. I think I've got it covered, Bow.

[He's also totaled...how many cars? Some of which intentionally?]

[headhooligan]

[Dammit. Aubrey was really hoping not only that one of Eren’s other friends knew, but also that they would subsequently stop this death taxi. It’s not like she’s worried about him making the trip or anything.]

Does Yelena kno— Ugh, never mind.

[Fuck it. Scrub Monday, too! Boss is gonna love that.]

Forget the car. Thursday at 9, wait outside. I’ll update Mikasa.

[She hangs up before she can think better of it.]

> text

[abandonhumanity]

??
hello?

wtf are you talking about?

[headhooligan]

[She’s barely started to check her contacts when the ?? notification blips in.]

thursday at 9:00pm
you wait outside for a ride
what’s not clicking

[abandonhumanity]

from??

[Holy shit. His heart is racing. Is she really...?]

[headhooligan]

who
do you think

[abandonhumanity]

don't fuck with me

[Pronounced: don't get my hopes up.]

please

[headhooligan]

[With a three-hour drive at stake? Never.]

bit my thumb

[abandonhumanity]

yeah
me too

[She's gonna come all the way to Marley just to get him...

[Suddenly, he's in a better mood than he's been all week.]

okay then
9pm on Thursday
I'll wait outside

[headhooligan]

atta boy

see you then

[She types a <3.
[Stares at it.
[Decides not to make that mistake today.]

[Now to let down everyone they know....]

[abandonhumanity]

<3