abandonhumanity | PSL / MEME CONTINUATION

[Eren does meet her eyes. In that moment, he loves her more than he hates her; he’s not entirely sure why. Still, his expression remains soulless]

Then we are the same.

[A pause.

[Something is calling her back to that room. She can’t place it.]

[Her gaze flickers to his lips. She can’t go further than that.]

[A rifle is so goddamn messy....]

Then help me face this. [Aubrey grabs his hand. Her palm has only lightly scabbed, and drips again at the contact. It’s a rough, soulless grip.] And then we’ll end it.

[She tries to take him to the door.]

[He doesn’t follow. Will the chain even allow him too? He can stand now, at least. He grips Aubrey’s hand and tries to pull her back.]

What are you talking about?

[Eren is strong. He’s stronger than Aubrey. The chain goes taut at her wrist but his pull is stronger; she doesn’t face him.]

What’s back there. I couldn’t face it.

If I see it now, I can go.

The thing that tried to kill you?

[He is stronger, and he yanks her back again, trying to get his arms around her this time; it’s a restraint.]

You’re weak. I’m not fighting that thing with you here. Not negotiable.

[She goes stiff at the grab, like the first memory of Reiner is surging through again. The last thing she wants right now is Eren’s warmth; but god, it’s everything.]

That thing is Basil. [Faintly it occurs to Aubrey that Eren has no idea where this is, what’s really behind that door.] I need to see him.

Let me go.

[Basil. Eren has to force back a laugh; he doesn’t find a single thing about this funny.]

No.

[He doubts he’ll be able to bend them away from this place; he tries anyway, envisioning nothing. Take them back to the empty void that built them. Anywhere but here.]

[At the “no,” a wild, animal urge—to what, kick and scream and cry and shove at him, bite his hand, anything to be let go?

[It passes in a flash, and then it’s gone, gone, gone, just like this dark, sprawling fascimile of “home.” The chain, the water, the door, the door; she watches it melt away, slipping hazily into a flatline. Oblivion is all she was looking for, anyway.

[And Eren is still there, holding her.

[Ha…]

[Aubrey wilts. There’s no fight. She’ll keep standing, should Eren’s grip loosen, but there’s not much else left.]

Stupid. [A mutter. Amused, faintly.] Should’ve known I can’t get away from you.

[Can’t run from your shadow, at the end of the day....]

[Safety. But it doesn’t feel it. Eren folds his body enough to lower Aubrey to the ground - dead weight. He doesn’t drop her; unmercifully, he’s gentle as he lies her down. But his words are cold and cruel.]

Yes. You should have.

[That he lowers her gently—god, he gets ever crueler, doesn’t he? Aubrey’s not going to kid herself again, act like pretending was better. But it aches, still; all the stabbing dullness of another godforesaken breakdown, with nothing to show for it.]

[She’s tempted to just curl in on herself, away from Eren. Futile, of course. So she doesn’t.]

What are we doing.... [Instead she lies back, flat, staring up at clouds that were never there. Quiet, not cold, but very nearly dead.] What are you going to do with me, Eren?

[There’s a follow-up on her tongue. Aubrey holds it, morbidly curious for his answer. Has her curiosity in him ever been morbid.]

[Eren wordlessly removes his jacket, then tosses it over Aubrey. He sits beside her, staring forward, blank.]

I’m going to get us home.

[It’s the voice of a corpse.

[If Aubrey’s lucky, she won’t even have the memory of Eren left to cling to.]

[Immediately she tosses the jacket back at him.] Naive.

[Weak. Emotional. Stupid. What about any of this has indicated they’d be allowed to go home, in anything but memory?]

[The follow-up comes out vaguely irritated.] And what are you going to do without me? [Aubrey knows the answer, ultimately. Make him say it anyway.]

You know exactly what I’m going to do.

Love doesn’t change anything.

[So nothing would’ve changed anyway. Might as well confirm that now.

[It’s why she can’t blame him, really. He never tried to get her hopes up.]

[A bitter statement, still:] You don’t deserve to go back.

[Aubrey’s sitting with the “real” Eren Jaeger now, is she? By her own assessment. His heart grows ever colder. Love doesn’t change anything. It never has.

[He deserves everything that’s coming to him. And so do—]

They deserve to die.

[He knows it isn’t true - not all of them. He’s as much as admitted so more than once. But right now, they - all of them - are the enemy once again. He can compartmentalize just like he always has. There’s nothing left for him here. No hope. It was never real to begin with, was it?]

Don’t concern yourself. It won’t make any difference to you.

[He sounds almost accusatory.]

[Lying, actually. Flat on her back, that is. Aubrey hasn’t bothered getting up from this bleak, nonexistent ground. What, waste energy staying upright as if she might be anywhere near even with monster sitting beside her? Don’t make her laugh.]

Don’t flatter yourself. [She sounds a little bored now, actually. The horse.] You should know me better by now. If you could stop being my detriment—

[One hand, the non-wounded one that gripped at him as he kissed her, is lifted. It’s a dispassionate motion, still, led by the wrist like a puppet. Punctuated with a snap.

[If it was somehow that easy…]

—I still wouldn’t want that.

[She’s right. He’s tired of the fucking horse. He’s tired of sitting here and pretending his heart doesn’t feel like it’s been torn out of his chest. Who knew he had one left at all?

[Part of him knows that it’s useless. They’re no closer to leaving this place than they were the first “day” they arrived. He’s damned to cycle between desperation, acceptance, rage, and feeble, bastard hope - again and again and again.

[They’re as trapped as ever, and bound ever tighter to each other. Irreparable damage has been done. Eren will die cursing Aubrey’s name, then spend eternity searching for her arms again.

[A detriment the likes of which he’s never known. She’ll haunt his echo forever.

Maybe I should make you my wife.

[It’s said with no humor. It’s said with no passion. Said with nothing but anger, misery, and honesty.]

Maybe I will.

[So it is that the first raw emotion to wrest Aubrey from her coffin—nigh-literally, as she sits bolt upright just to face him—is shock.]

[Eren did it, the bastard. He rattled the cage. To think she was considering something far less blunt.]

What?

[Are you serious?]

[A morsel for the beast. Eren looks at her; cold, calm, dead on.]

Marry me.

[ . . . He’s not—]

[You know what? No. Fuck this.]

Fuck you. [Aubrey laughs. It’s a joyless sound.

[The thought that stirred, idly, before, rears up with a gnashing vengeance. If Eren tries to reply, she’s interrupting:] You think I’m just gonna lie around forever, wringing my hands over you? You think I’m going to put up with this cold, self-loathing bullshit when I know damn well exactly what you’re capable of?

[She’s getting in his face, too, or at least trying. She remembers his smiles, his teasing, his laughter. She thinks she could kill him.]

I’m going to love you—without any delusions. I’ll break you down until you give up on that stupid fucking horse—and you give a damn about your life.

[It’s a threat. It’s a promise.]

Always.

[His words come out furious.]

Always, then.

[And he clasps their hands together, gripping tight. A burning sensation envelopes his palm in hers, rippling down his arm and blossoming ever warmer in his chest. In its wake, a dark red ring like a scar on his left ring finger. A tail branches out from it, running down his arm under his sleeve. Aubrey will find one that matches on her own body - ring finger to heart. It looks like the remnants of a deep gash.]

[It hits her like lightning. An invisible knife slashes up her arm, snaking through her chest, etching the slash from the shadow’s blade on her palm, forever.]

[She’s left deathly still. All quivering coalesces, small but at a violent rate, in that now-branded left hand, caged by Eren’s.]

[What the fuck have you done?]

[Then again… it’d be true regardless, wouldn’t it? She just made the mistake of putting it in words.]

[Aubrey faces Eren with a defiant snarl, breaths shallow. She feels rabid.

[Her palm drips blood. The burn doesn’t subside.
[Words hissed through clenched teeth:]
You’ll regret not letting me die.

[He grips her hand even tighter, snarling back at her.]

Is that a promise?

Is that what you want?

[What does Eren Jaeger want? For his friends to be happy? For his Nation to survive? For his enemies to suffer? For the world to pay? For the end to come?

[Maybe there is something small behind his eyes, whispering, ”Save me.”]

Seems I don’t have much of a choice.

[Does he really believe that? Aubrey can’t be powerful enough to stop him. No one else has been able to.

[Right?]

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headhooligan - 2023-10-15 19:51 (UTC) - Expand