[The memory is startling at first; after that, it's just Hell.
[He wanted to know what Reiner said. Aubrey gave him that. She gave too much - the said and the unsaid in a wretched harmony, made all the worse by how it feels--
[How it feels to be them. How it feels to love him.
[A worse Hell than he can imagine. Eren feels sick. The two full cups of booze he just downed probably aren't helping that, but they wouldn't be close to the only cause. Goosebumps prickle up over every inch of his skin.
[Aubrey and Reiner; both comforts, both weapons, both aimed at point blank range.
[Eren doesn't pull his hand away yet.
[He looks like he's about to shatter.]
What...? [It's a breath of a word.
[He tries to muster up anger - he tries, but it's...it's not working. Nothing's working. He isn't himself - or maybe he is. He doesn't know who that is anymore. He doesn't know anything anymore.
[None of it has ever made sense. They loved each other. Reiner as much as confirms that it wasn't a lie with his muddy, contradictory words. But it had to have been - and it couldn't have been.
[His hand is trembling just slightly. Aubrey will feel it if she's still holding on.]
What...
What right does he have...?
[He feels like he's going to dissolve. It's odd - there's a sudden desperation for Armin, ever there to pick up the pieces when Eren needs it. Then comes a worse desperation. He can't stand to face it. Reiner's right; the only thing he could ever bring Eren now is pain.
[Right?
[Eren wishes he were dead.]
You're wrong. [There's no edge to his voice - just dull shock, thinly obscuring miserable, aching, all-consuming grief.
[He wants him, he wants him, he wants him.]
You're both wrong...
[Now he pulls his hand away, shaking his head. He backs away from Aubrey. He looks like he's about to run - a cornered animal.
["I broke him."
[He hesitates. He doesn't retreat. Not yet. His voice comes out like a whisper - young, insistent.]
no subject
[He wanted to know what Reiner said. Aubrey gave him that. She gave too much - the said and the unsaid in a wretched harmony, made all the worse by how it feels--
[How it feels to be them. How it feels to love him.
[A worse Hell than he can imagine. Eren feels sick. The two full cups of booze he just downed probably aren't helping that, but they wouldn't be close to the only cause. Goosebumps prickle up over every inch of his skin.
[Aubrey and Reiner; both comforts, both weapons, both aimed at point blank range.
[Eren doesn't pull his hand away yet.
[He looks like he's about to shatter.]
What...? [It's a breath of a word.
[He tries to muster up anger - he tries, but it's...it's not working. Nothing's working. He isn't himself - or maybe he is. He doesn't know who that is anymore. He doesn't know anything anymore.
[None of it has ever made sense. They loved each other. Reiner as much as confirms that it wasn't a lie with his muddy, contradictory words. But it had to have been - and it couldn't have been.
[His hand is trembling just slightly. Aubrey will feel it if she's still holding on.]
What...
What right does he have...?
[He feels like he's going to dissolve. It's odd - there's a sudden desperation for Armin, ever there to pick up the pieces when Eren needs it. Then comes a worse desperation. He can't stand to face it. Reiner's right; the only thing he could ever bring Eren now is pain.
[Right?
[Eren wishes he were dead.]
You're wrong. [There's no edge to his voice - just dull shock, thinly obscuring miserable, aching, all-consuming grief.
[He wants him, he wants him, he wants him.]
You're both wrong...
[Now he pulls his hand away, shaking his head. He backs away from Aubrey. He looks like he's about to run - a cornered animal.
["I broke him."
[He hesitates. He doesn't retreat. Not yet. His voice comes out like a whisper - young, insistent.]
He's wrong.